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hi FJ folks,
I was wondering if anyone here has gone through therapy specifically to deal with processing how they grew up and the relationship with other family members (NOT family therapy). Did it go well? Did it help you?
[possible TW for self-harm]
I'm beginning to realize that there were parts of my childhood that were really neglectful and somewhat abusive. I have a lot of issues with my mom because she doesn't know how to put up boundaries (for anything, ever). I felt my parents - despite being so strict and conservative - never protected me or even really "raised" me to do anything or function as a human being. I'm understanding that my parents will never change, talk about this, or accept that they've done anything wrong (and my mom does have a tendency to threaten suicide and become hysterical when someone brings up things she has done wrong). So I need to process everything on my own without any type of help or closure from them. My sister was very abusive to me and most of our family doesn't have contact with her anymore (even her own oldest son). I don't need help processing the fact that I cut contact (which if anything has been the best and most healing thing I've ever done for myself in my life) but I think I still need help processing how and why things just.....were the way they were. And then of course there was all the weird religious stuff, which didn't help and was very inconsistent and erratic.
I think I need this to not only deal with the past, but also retain what relationship I have left with my parents, which still leave me frustrated and exhausted, even though I think from their perspective they'd say we have a great relationship and are very close; totally opposite from how I see things, but I am so careful to not send them off the deep end. I feel like I walk on eggshells in my life.
I've never been to therapy before and I don't know if it will help me. I don't know how it works. Do I go to a specific therapist? Do I walk in and say, "Yes, hello, I need help with dealing with my childhood and dealing with my parents now?" Or do they ask questions?
[This is not for now as I have approx. $0 money; this is for a hopeful later date when I'm actually a functioning adult.]
Yes summer has arrived.
Supposed to be up in the high 80s and 90s (plus 30c) the next couple weeks. I think most of my bike riding for the next couple weeks will be early in the morning or later on in the day. Most of my trips around the yard on the industrial strength salad shooter (aka the lawnmower) will also be in the evening. Too goddamn hot out to be fooling around outside right now.
I blame most of my unrealistic expectations on sitcoms. You know people in houses they could never afford with their jobs, homes that were spotless despite multiple children with dual career parents, all problems can be solved in 30 min less commercials, except the really bad problems that were to be continued for another 30 min.
But what about the platonic roommates who live like family?
- Kate and Allie
- Hot in Cleveland
- The Golden Girls
- The Odd Couple
I'm leaving out the shows where the characters were living in a world of extended adolescence like Friends.
The people in the shows above were all fully grown adults with careers, marriages, divorces, families, etc. With the exception of the Golden Girls they were all financially able to live alone. Oscar and Felix both did well for themselves and didn't need to split the rent...like the rest they lived together to form some sort of quasi-family.
So, was/is this a thing in life that is just outside of my world? Do adults choose to live with friends into middle age and beyond because they just want to?
Sometimes I think that could be a kinda cool way to live, or a recipe for disaster, depending on my mood.
Unrelated thought but I hate that THAT GIRL gets credit for being so forward thinking on the feminist front from when to me it's a multi-season ad for purity culture.
The first photo of the last post involved Calvin and an unfortunate bladder accident. This first photo is better... it's his birthday!
Chris continues his plan of befriending as many inhabitants of Appaloosa Plains as he can. Perhaps if he dazzles them with his amazing charisma, they won't really notice his larger-than-normal family or conservative beliefs.
Here's Calvin as a teen.
Amanda actually does some parenting!
Caleb and Calvin are NOT impressed by Carl's wailing.
All the school-aged kids doing their schoolwork. Clara decides to be a one-girl member of the School of the Dining Room Floor.
They originally had an ice-cream machine and deep fryer, but everyone kept using the dang fryer when they were hungry, so I removed them. I bought them a pizza oven instead!
It's been a while since the bed has seen any action other than sleeping... *wink wink*
When everyone else was asleep, Callie and Carl were still in the playpen. Not only does the playpen help toddlers learn to talk, it also (I don't know how) manages to keep all their needs up.
Chloe making herself a birthday cake!
The eldest Parker child is becoming a young adult! Congratulations, Chloe!
Are those... *gasp*... SHORT SHORTS, Chloe? NIKE! *faints*
Much better. I gave her a little make up. The Parkers aren't against it, but Amanda just chooses not to wear any.
After praying and talking to her parents, Chloe decided to apply to university. She took the entrance test and did very well!
Before she headed off, there was one final event to attend... high school graduation!
Even the toddlers came!
Somehow, without a single lesson, Chloe is magically able to drive. Parents can teach their kids to drive in Sims 3 (with the Generations expansion pack), but I never got round to it. Well, there were nine Sims to keep an eye on...
Somehow, despite being homeschooled, Chloe still managed to graduate as class valedictorian, and Most Likely to Fulfill her Lifetime Wish. Her LTW, by the way, is the exact same one as her mother's: One Sim Band, or mastering the four musical skills of guitar, piano, bass and drums.
We end on an appropriate photo of Chloe leaving to go off to university to study Fine Arts. It's sweet that she's thinking of Callie; perhaps she's hoping that Callie will also leap at the chance of going to university when she's old enough?
Welcome back to 66 Goodbook Avenue!
Year 23, 2032, was a big year for the Edens! Well, for some Edens.
First up, Elsie, our auxiliary Eden. Even though she's still nervous about alcohol she took a class on Mixology and received a promotion for her efforts! She is now head caterer. Yay! She also went out with some coworkers and acquaintances after work. Despite the Woman In Overalls From the Vet's Office being real cute, Elsie didn't make any big connections, but was still happy she put herself out there.
And Romano Johnson finally finished his science project! He was so so proud. An almost-Eden getting extra credit in a science class?! Amazing.
Now onto the Edens proper. Proverb Eden, #17, was born Feb 2031, and despite plenty of God-honoring, Biblical fellowship,
Eva's womb remained closed throughout 2031 AND all of 2032. Since Eva was 41 during Proverb's birth, her fertility decreased again to 20% (Try For A Baby success was set at 80% ages 20-35, and at 50% 35-40). She's still got a shot at 1-2 more Edens before her cutoff at 45, but time is ticking!
Unfortunately, Adam and Eva still have 17 children! In 2032 Ruth, now 14, finally got her teenage birthday celebration (a full year late) #eighthchildproblems! She's the one who started growing her hair out for Nathan Bates 10 years ago, and I'm pleased to report she sports a shorter, more natural 'do now. She's very artsy and loves painting and design. (Oh! And Jesus. Naturally.)
Proverb also aged up into a toddler but no one knows anything about her or even took a picture because #seventeenthchildproblems. Maybe Eva will start paying more attention now that Proverb might actually be the caboose on this crazy train.
Favored first child Genesis had a milestone year as well. She was promoted to the intermediate course for music education (level 2 of entertainer career) and licensed her first song! It was a haunting melody entitled "Smelly and Unlovely." shiver
We'll get to #2 in a bit (giggle), but what about #3, Leviticus? Well there were ups and downs. He attempted to make dinner for the family, but that's wimin's work!!! How could he have known to keep watching the oven?
This time it was not Genesis, but a different Eden daughter (Deuteronomy, #5) who extinguished the blaze. You go girls!
But back to Levi. He and Exodus met up with younger bro Judges (#7) at ALERT Academy for some Manly Bonding. Behold the ALERT campus.
Note: I didn't make this. I downloaded this "military barracks" from the Sims gallery. And filled it with fundie men including Kyle Vera and now Judges Eden.
Exodus, Leviticus, and Judges punched bags and swam in basement pools as only Godly Young Men can do. It's nice that Judges isn't totally banished.
And the reason for this Manly Men's retreat? Exodus was soon to be a groom.
Exodus, 20, was set to marry Maya Mahan, newly 19. They courted for two years and were childhood friends. Maya is a creative, geeky young lady who loves the outdoors, painting, her infant brother, and her parents. (Oh yeah. And Jesus.) And while no one bothered to learn Maya's last name during the courtship, it turns out the Mahans were LOADED. Maya's childhood home was so beautiful...
That it made a lovely spot for a wedding!
Maya got ready for the big day in her childhood bedroom. How very symbolic. (The baby is legitimately her brother! No shenanigans here)
But what emerged from the house was no longer a child, but a beautiful bride. In the Mahan's culture, white is the color of mourning, but Maya also wanted to respect the Eden's dress standards and compromised with this absolutely lovely bridal gown.
The wedding was beautiful!
(Note that Maya, typically with a pixie cut, grew out her hair the tiniest bit in another compromise, but she still looks stunning. You guys, I think I have a crush on a digital woman.)
Elsie was even the caterer!
After the wedding, the new Mr. and Mrs. Eden went on their honeymoon to Granite Falls! Since they fell in love under the stars in Salvadorada and were engaged on a camping trip, it made sense to honeymoon in the great outdoors as well.
It was a cozy little one-bedroom without a stove or even hot shower,
But that didn't stop them from enjoying Exodus-prepared BLTs together.
And even though Exodus kept getting distracted by the first tv he's ever been allowed to watch,
he was still more than ready to enjoy all the benefits of marriage with his bride.
And unless the Lord intervened, there would be a very low chance of a Honeymoon Blessing. At least for tonight...
And while a few more things happened at the very end of 2032, I think I'll save them for next entry as that was a lovely place to end. Congratulations to Exodus and Maya and until next time, Edens out!
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Keeping Up With The Dunkels - Chapter 14: Dunkels Double Date
Back at the Miceli's, Hobart brought his doctor friend home for dinner again one night, and one of Adalyn's sisters just happened to be visiting to help with the baby.
Wow! Aimee Joy and Christian seemed to be hitting it off! "What do you think about an ice cream sundae reception?" she asked him.
"Huh? That's crazy."
Hmm... maybe not.
Uh oh... is there trouble at Adam and Mehrissa's new house?
Nope! Apparently when you adopt a pet, the police are nice enough to bring it over. Er... sure. Why question it? Adam and Mehrissa's boys had been begging for a pet for ages, and their parents finally decided to get them a little puppy named Bear. Aww!
With Mehrissa expecting another (hopefully) tiny blessing, it sure was going to be a full house soon! She wore her hot pink maternity pajamas, hoping God might take the hint.
Not long after Aimee Joy was introduced to Hobart's doctor friend Christian Cwik, Anna Grace started talking to another young man from church, Waylon Menon. She was a little worried when he expressed his admiration for women who kept in shape - that wasn't her at all! But it COULD be her!
After Waylon left, Anna Grace jumped right on that treadmill. She got off to a rocky start, but she purposed to work out every single day, determined to win Waylon's affections, and soon she was physically fit!
"Wow, I can tell you're a young lady with a heart for the Lord, who also LOVES to lift!" Waylon exclaimed, impressed, and promptly went to talk to her brother to see if he could start a group text.
*To the tune of Butterfly Kisses* "I know the cake looks funny, Daddy... but I sure tried!
Oh... wait... my daddy's dead. And he wasn't my real daddy, anyway. Oh well."
Guess what? Christian and Aimee
GraceJoy (I am seriously surprised I don't mess up these names more often, folks) may have gotten off on the wrong foot (seriously, ladies, enough with the ice cream sundaes), but soon they were getting along just fine. In fact, little adopted brother Alexander was only too happy to chaperone as they started an OFFICIAL COURTSHIP!
Aimee Joy was thrilled that her educated and employed suitor took her out on nice dates (don't worry, the chaperones are right there at the next table). She didn't mind at all that he had a gay brother in the city. What was one gay brother?! They were totally in sync on everything. They even discussed the sort of house they would move to if, Lord willing, they got married!
Anna Grace wasn't far behind her twin sister. Her dates with Waylon were a little more low key, but she didn't mind at all. She was more than happy to show off her homemaking skills by impressing him with the most complicated meal any of her sisters had ever made: spaghetti and meatballs.
Both sisters were totally sure they had found the men they were going to marry! FINALLY!!! Being single in your mid-20s is such a trial, ya'll!
Back in the Big Scary City... Abigail was still fuming about the way Gilbert had treated her. She decided she was finally going to take the plunge and try online dating.
Her first date was with a firefighter in a trench coat. She thought that was kind of weird, and she'd had bad luck with guys in trench coats - plus, all she could keep thinking about was how mad she was at Gilbert. But she decided to give trench coat man 3.0 a shot anyway.
Sadly he turned out to be totally meh. All he could talk about was himself, and Abigail found herself far more interested in the basketball game on TV than him. She didn't even like sports!
A couple weeks later, she had another date lined up with a guy named Neil. This guy seemed much more promising. He looked normal, didn't wear a trench coat, and didn't try to jump into bed with her on the first date (which is a good thing, since Abigail is still trying to get over her fundie upbringing and hasn't had the best of luck with dudes and, er, hasn't even kissed a guy yet. Shh...)
WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS.
Abigail and Neil planned to meet up for another date the following week. When he texted her to let her know he was outside, she asked him to come in, because she was going to be about another five minutes getting ready. But when he walked in the door, he was dressed like THAT.
"Um, hey Neil, what's up with the outfit?" she asked with a light laugh, trying not to show her alarm. "Are you in a play tonight or something?"
"What? Nope, 'course not. I'm taking you out on a date. This is just how I dress. Haha! I know it may seem weird, but I'm part of a plant-worshiping group and we have to dress like this to do our rituals. It's not a big deal, we just have sexual intercourse with plants to gain their leafy powers for ourselves. I was hoping you'd come to tonight's meeting with me."
Abigail kindly asked him to leave.
"Fuck you, Gilbert!" she thought to herself, as Neil walked out the door. Some misdirected anger there, I think, but okay.
Things were going much better back at the Dunkel homestead. The twins' suitors coordinated between themselves to do a... double proposal! Oh my gosh! How sweet and how neat!
Aimee Joy and Anna Grace were absolutely ecstatic. This time they both say, "YES!" Looks like there's a double wedding in the (VERY NEAR) future!
NIKE! Don't worry, Cara was alone in the privacy of her beige bedroom as she celebrated her third pregnancy. #Blessed!
Adam and Mehrissa's boys were growing up. So far little Bryson was the only one with Mama's colouring.
Bear grew up too! Good dog.
Addyson liked to escape the Dunkel homestead now and then to visit her cousins' house, where there were only six people and a dog.
Happy Birthday, Braydon! Time for a haircut, I think, little buddy.
Just as Mehrissa put Bryson down for his afternoon nap, she went into labour for the fifth time. This labour was the fastest yet, and they didn't even have a chance to call the midwife! Thankfully that baby just slid right out of her, a mere 10 pounds even, and she was back on her feet making tater tot casserole that very same night! Meet...
Brody Dunkel! Yep. It's another boy. Sorry Mehrissa - maybe next time! I mean, look on the bright side. There will definitely be a next time.
Adalyn was soooooo enjoying being a mommy. It was the most precious thing ever! As she watched her little David grow into a toddler, all she could think of was how much he looked like his daddy. Where was Hobart, anyway?
Out schmoozing, it seems. Look, the man is a DOCTOR, he has to make connections in the community. He can't be expected to sit around at home with his wife and kid all day. How else is he supposed to provide for them? And yes, he's at a disreputable establishment with GAMBLING, but that's where the work luncheon was held. He can't help that, can he?
Okay, I know this looks bad, but Dr. Amanda [mumbled last name] is European, okay? It would be the height of rudeness not to greet her with a kiss!
But it seems Hobart tried to do a little more than greet her, if you know what I mean. To her credit, she was having none of it. "Are you crazy, Hobart?" she exclaimed. "I know you're married! We're standing outside your own house, for God's sake! I'm out of here."
Hobart could only hope that this little 'misunderstanding' wouldn't get spread around town by his colleague...
Meanwhile, inside the house, Adalyn was about to welcome their second precious blessing! "Hobart! Hobart?! Where are you?!" she called.
Oh well. Adalyn was sure he'd be along to welcome his newborn daughter Daisy to the world eventually.
A few days later, Abigail was surprised to see Hobart out and about downtown, and at the sort of establishment fundies usually steered clear of. "Hobart? What're you doing here?" she asked. "Didn't Adalyn just have a baby?"
Hobart laughed her off and told her he was there for a 'work event', but she watched in consternation as he sat down to play poker with some strange women, who seemed more than a little interested in how much money a doctor of his calibre made.
Guess who? While Abigail was out and about and worrying about her brother-in-law, her "ex-boyfriend" Gilbert showed up outside her house AGAIN. Good thing she wasn't there to see him, because there might have been a throw down, and not in a sexy way.
So long for now! Hope you enjoyed today's update. Check back soon for... a Dunkel Double Wedding! And so much more. Maybe a Dunkel restraining order, too (take a hint, Gilbert)!
I need away from where I live. I came here to finish my college education when I was a single mom in my 40s. I finished it and ended up staying because my children were in school. They are out now, my youngest just turned 20, and I need to go.
Some years ago I became aware that one of the biggest events in this town is a particular festival that is supposed to celebrate the diversity of this community. I'm ashamed to say it's really all about showcasing the wealthy white families - and there is a HUGE income disparity here. The highlight of the festival is a ball where a queen is crowned, debutante style, and once my kids got into high school I really began to understand the real function of this ball. It showcases the white daughters of the rich. There are no kids of color. This is embarrassing in today's world. I really hate it.
Then, one of my children was involved in a school activity that requires fundraising. Because this activity requires clothing and equipment, of which new must be purchased every year. The students must travel long distances to stay a week in expensive hotels to properly train, never mind the same exact camp is offered IN THIS TOWN as a day camp at a considerably lower cost. The main fundraiser is the Dad's BBQ, which assumes right off the bat that every participating child has an active father. No amount of asking or persuading would change the minds of the wealthy white parents who locked down the booster club which funds the activity. Tradition. Child must come from the right family, even though this was a public school. So we live through that marginalization, for which I had to pay several hundred dollars in fines because there was no dad to appear for my child and I could not be there that day because I couldn't take off work.
Part of the fundraising is to sponsor a trip to sunny Los Angeles, half way across the country, every other spring break. I had to pay money to the booster club to support this, then my child had to try out for and didn't make the activity the following year, so she didn't get to go. Bitter? You bet.
So now Daddy/daughter dances have started up - as part of the local public schools. I live in a primarily rural area where the small city has the biggest school system in the county, but numerous small communities have their own districts within the county, and it's the small districts that have picked up on this.
I don't want to be here anymore. When I was in college, one of my jobs was as a student worker in the dean's office. The Dean, a woman, got her daughter into cheer in 8th grade and she was talking about how they had to start going to church because all the cheerleaders are active in a church. And she did it! A professor turned dean, but there's no lack of educated people around here. It's just that even with public school education and state college education, everyone still seems to fall into the black hole of church.
I'm having a bad weekend. This soul sickness from Trump's acquittal has seeped into my soul and it drowns me. I need out of Cruz country. When Teddy was running for office, his signs permeated the landscape and they all prominently featured "God." Recent local elections showed Republicans running for Jesus. This place is blood red and I need out of it.
Until I can get out, you bet I'm voting for any and everything possible, and it won't be anybody Republican.
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Here is the post about our second and last day with Kiki. We picked her up at around 10am, the Grandma gave her to us, because her foster mama was at work. We decided to drive into the little town first and go to our apartment after.
We walked around the pedestrian zone, went into the tourism office, a few stores and whatnot. She was the star once again. First a mail lady stopped and talked to us and her, then another older couple. The wife was afraid of dogs, but she was okay with Kiki.
Kiki showed her cheeky personality too. Her foster mum does not allow her to jump up and down the stairs, but on our way back to the car she literally jumped on every little step (not really stairs, just a small step in front of stores due to the old buildings) and she was so happy doing that. We noticed that a few hours later. Haha! Good thing we only have her for a few days and are allowed to be a bit more relaxed about rules and treats.
We went to the apartment to have tea and coffee and rested for a bit on our bed afterwards. She was allowed to join us (big sister is also allowed to join us in the bed here at home) and she had the best time. She rolled on her back and snuggled with us.
We decided to go out once again and so we drove to a pet store and a hardware store. She was perfect again in both stores. Especially seeing her walking around the big hardware store was amazing. She acted like she lives there. Really confident in herself. The automatic doors were also no problem. In the pet store we put her in a dog bag and a dog stroller to test how she would look like in them and she let us do it with her.
And that was the last day. We don't know yet when we will be able to visit her again. Maybe in April/May? We are already planing what we are going to do with her.😊
well, MIL died Sunday, not unexpected. She was 90 and all in all had a good healthy long life.
that being said, I told BlackberryBoy that we need to write our obits now, to have them on hand so as to prevent the travesty that passes for obits in his family.
ONE paragraph. Nothing about her as an individual. Hell even I could come up with 4 or 5 sincere, kind, comments about her.
to add insult to injury
they misspelled BlackberryKid1’s name when mentioning predeceased loved ones.
they misspelled BlackberryGrandKid2’s very common name
they left out our DIL after asking about her name and when they married
they misspelled 2 of MIL’s siblings names.
I noticed they didn’t make any errors about SIL’s family, kids, spouses, grands.
these are well educated people with 4 + postgraduate degrees among them, including 2 teachers ffs.
The funeral is in Chicago, 600 miles from us. we aren’t going. I figure they didn’t come to our daughter’s funeral, we can skip hers.
By Maggie Mae,
Veruca in the Nut RoomSpoiler
You've got to hand it to OG Veronica. She inspired this.Spoiler
Alas, this is the book. Wonka warns his guests about the NUT ROOM by saying "Whatever you do, don't go into THE NUT ROOM. If you go in, you'll disturb the squirrels."
Wonka explains that the squirrels are trained to shell walnuts. Mike Teavee, being the reasonable one in the room, asks why squirrels instead of Oompa Loompas. Let's not get me started on food safety standards and efficiency of using a series of trained rodents to shell food that is supposedly meant for human consumption. Or that Wonka's "reason" is that Oompa Loompas always break the "walnut" into two pieces. I'm not sure that's true. Growing up, my grandmother always had a bowl of whole roast nuts and a nutcracker. It wasn't a cool, fancy one that came to life at night, though.
It was this one.
And we all had to share it, so me and my mom and dad and cousins and aunts and uncles would be (insert current slang for "hanging out" or "waiting") around the kitchen table, probably playing cards, catching up, or even passively "watching" daytime TV or breaking news on an 8 inch black and white TV and sharing this bowl of roasted nuts. And a relish tray. There would be bread and butter pickles (Recipe to come), pickled apples, pickled peppers, pickled olives and maybe if I was lucky, a cracker or two.
Anyway, so Wonka is an idiot who insists on only using whole walnuts that have been in squirrels mouths. The squirrels tap each nut to check for freshness, then they toss the bad ones.
Veruca, predictably, wants a squirrel.
Squirrels are very cute. My very spoiled cat also wants a squirrel. I no longer leave youtube videos of birbs and squirrels on for him when I leave the house after the great TV disaster of 2018.
All Veruca has at home is two dogs, four cats, six bunny rabbits, two parakeets, three canaries, green parrot, a turtle, a cage of white mice, a bowl of goldfish, and a "silly old hamster."
Veruca sucks. But her parents suck more. I hope her staff is taking good care of this menagerie.
Veruca begins to throw the temper tantrum to end all temper tantrums. Her parents try to appease her - her mom promising a squirrel later, her dad trying to buy one from WIlly Wonka, who won't sell. Veruca sees this and charges into the squirrel room to try and grab a squirrel for herself. Silly girl has clearly never seen a squirrel before. Presumably London has squirrels. Maybe she just is so sheltered that she never noticed the noisy, destructive rodents.
She enters the room, and 100 squirrels attack her. The lead squirrel knocks on her head and declares her a "bad egg" and down the chute she goes. Her parents soon follow suite. This is after a discussion about what chute it is and what it contains. Mike is concerned about who is eating potatoes and fish and cabbage, which I suppose is an adequate question if you assume that Mr Wonka's living quarters are separate from the factory as is standard in the US. Nevertheless, Wonka responds sarcastically.
Regardless, the chute goes to the incinerator. Mr. Salt is "extremely cross about this" despite the fact that his daughter might be "a bit of a frump" (Is that a kindle error? Should that say "Grump?") I do applaud Mr Salt's ability to remain a shady business mogul thru and thru. "I think you've gone a shade to far this time, Wonka!" Anyway, as I said, they follow her down the chute. Both parents lean over the hole, calling for their child, and the squirrels knock them in, head first.
Oompa Loompas sing a song about the garbage that Veruca is covered with and how smelly it is.
Seriously. She's like, the worst, and somehow she gets off the easiest. Probably because she's playing the Carmelita Spats game. She's cute enough that she even enchanted Wonka a bit.
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I have been a part of two churches in my life: One was a toxic church which drove to seek fundamentalism in my teens as my parents insisted in being of part of it. The other was a perfectly decent and kind church that was pleasant for me, but this experience drove me away from church due to my family’s drama. At the former, my parent’s excuse was that they felt like they were “missionaries” to that church.
I am starting to realize more and more that my parents’ determination to be the “true Christians” in their churches is a way for them to bond in an otherwise dysfunctional relationship. Of course, the fact that they were/kind of are still participating in such a strange mission is quite a dysfunctional act itself. Although it was hurtful at the time, it’s been fascinating in retrospect how they would twist bad behavior of my dad sometimes into attacks of satan through people in the church. While it was annoying my mom stayed with my father, I am grateful she would call him out on most of his shit. But sometimes, things went very awry...
As silly as this sounds, I have a hard time sharing this story with my husband because he already has such strong opinions about my parents, but I remember my ex at the time was a lot more sympathetic to my family and he was astounded at this situation: My dad apparently was checking out a woman at church (no surprise). This took place at the good church, the one I went to as an adult with family. So my mother thought the only logical explanation for this particular situation was that...
the woman is a witch.
I know. The most embarrassing part? I believed it for a minute. Now, this turned into what is an almost 4 year long battle. I quickly realized what bullshit it was after the first couple of months, but I have since been neutral in appearance and intensely skeptical on the inside. I once even went to my church’s parking lot in the middle of the night one night to “anoint” a place the woman would usually stand with frankincense and a prayer so she would leave the church. Oddly enough she didn’t come to church for several months. Anyway, it’s all completely ludicrous and I am ashamed of my brief participation of what is basically an out-of-control coping mechanism for my mom. But things kept getting worse: my mom believing this gal put curses on people in the church, how she would not walk past the woman so she herself would not get cursed.
One time, service was over and I was in the front of the sanctuary talking with the only other person my age in the entire congregation. My family have always been backseat people, and they were gathering their things there and talking with various folk as everyone filtered out. I noticed my parents come and sit towards the front, a little ways from where this girl and I were standing. They both looked annoyed, so I ended my conversation to see if they needed to talk with me (my brother and I drove separately from them most of the time so there was no need to leave together). No, the “witch” was standing by the exit speaking with the pastor, and they did not want to walk past her. I KNOW.
Now, I do not care for this woman in the first place. She does come off as ingenuine and there is something that rubs me the wrong way, but I do not possibly think she is witch. What I disbelieve even more than that is the power she could have on folks in the church if she was. I quit attending regularly after an incident that deserves it’s own blog post took place, but I have gone periodically since. One time during one of these visits I was in
line for food talking with a family friend and the gal was standing near me, so my mom comes up behind me and puts her hands on me and says “I’m protecting you”.
No, you’re not mom. You’re protecting your false sense of security by demonizing this woman. And you wonder why I won’t go to church with you.
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Last week my daughter's school called to let my husband and me know Twin B was going to be tapped in to National Honor Society. This is a goal B has worked towards for years. She was nominated last year and was devastated when she didn't get in but she took that disappoint and she was determined to make it in this year; and she did it!
My mom was still alive when Twin A was selected for National English Honor Society a few months ago and we are all proud of both of them; however, NHS has a ceremony and more prestige than NEHS.
When we got the phone all from school about B's NHS tapping my first thought was "I have call my mom so she can come to the 'tapping in,' too!" Then I realized right after that I can't call her. I cried the entire tapping ceremony because I know my mom would be so very proud.
On an another note, I have a friend whom claims she is a medium and offered a session as a gift to me. She met my mom a couple times seven or eight years ago but we never really spoke of my childhood nor does she know my family. We met in rehab and were in the same group but she didn't know anything about my parents nor did we ever speak of the really personal things in our lives, that was saved for one-on-one with our councillors and doctors. We have kept in touch as a group but I haven't spoken with just her in years. I went into her house with skeptical optimism and with an open heart. Well, l was able to voice record the almost 2 hours I was with her and she knew so much, in such great details, and even answered questions I had written on a piece of paper in my pocket that I didn't tell anyone about. I figured if she was the real deal I would get the answers because my mom knew what I wanted and needed to know.
And one last thing, I was always told my parents planned their pregnancy for me. I asked my dad and he refused to give me any other answer except this: When your mom found out she was pregnant she wanted a girl. I said "Yes, Dad, but was I a PLANNED pregnancy?" He just said "Your mom was so happy when you were born and the doctors said you were a girl." I said to him "Yeah, Dad, I get it, I wasn't planned, I was a surprise!" He just chuckled. LOL!!
I truly do not know some days what I am supposed to believe anymore.
I believe in God, and I believe that Jesus is the only way to God, which will probaby get me into trouble with certain people.
But people can, have, and do use the name of Jesus to lie, to manipulate, and to exploit. I've been there.
People use the Bible to "prove" that they are right about everything.
I am supposed to support immigrants and open borders . . . Or I am supposed to support border security.
I am supposed to support women in ministry . . . Or I am supposed to follow the versesthat say "women can't preach"
I don't dare post this onFB because I don't want to get into an argument with people there. But even here, I'm afraid of coming off as too conservative or too fundy.
And it just seems that to know what the Bible really says, I have to do university-level study. And I am just too overwhelmed at the moment to do it.
News these days is fake. I don't know what fact-checking sites to believe. And even when I share fact checks, there are the people that scream that "they're liberal and they're biased!" All news seems biased and I don't know who's telling the truth.
"Think for yourself" carries the undercurrent of "as long as you come to the same conclusions I do".
"Let love lead" translates into "you don't love me if you call me out on my behavior, so you have to agree with everything I do/say."
There's no one I can really tell everything to, except for God. There's some subjects I don't want to delve into even with my BFF even though she's assure me that I won't lose her friendship.
It has become exhausting just trying to live from day to day at times. I don't know who to trust. And the day in, day out of living is just exhausting. I have to do work for pay this afternoon. I can't keep the house clean. I'm trying to write and I'm stalled. I'm 55 and running out of time to write everything I want to. I have a son with a disability that needs to be provided for and the mechanisms of doing so are just plain overwhelming. And the longer I put stuff off, the harder it's going to be for him. My husband talks about "We" doing this stuff, but it usuall ends up being "me" because I'm the one with the time to do it.
And I haven't done any sewing or knitting or crocheting in months.
So, a while ago I mentioned in my last entry, that my sister and I share a language we have made up ourselves. We were chatting again as usual, and I noticed that we sometimes write cities and countries as they should be in Finnish or English, and some we turn into our language. I'll list some of these down - have a guess and/or a laugh!
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AKA Beyond Jordan
- I’ve gotta say, the aerial shots are enjoyable.
- PP says the goal of the trip is to visit as many biblical sites as possible. I do not believe that showcasing the holy land was ever the only goal of the film from the very beginning based on what I already know. Like the #FreePalestine he attached to the description of the film on Youtube.
- PP isn’t even 100% sure the Israeli govt will let him in.
- Watching PP and Roger Jimenez joke about all of the countries PP has been banned from is eye roll worthy. It’s not really something to be proud of.
- Airplane shots are pure filler. We get a shot of a random Jewish guy donning tefillin on the plane.
- They let PP in. It’s almost as if he’s not as important and (in)famous as he thinks he is. 🙄
- The generic ~eastern~ music is predictably here to remind us we’re in the Middle East.
- PP washes his face with water from the Jordan river. He says it’s kind of salty.
- Listening to Jimenez preach at Herod’s fortress is such a snooze fest.
- We see the Dead Sea and a member of PP’s entourage points out how there is all this salt on the shore, but the first thing I see is litter. PP dives in headfirst and gets salt in his eyes. They all then proceed to float in the Dead Sea like you’re supposed to, and it’s supposedly one of the weirdest things EVER. 🙄
- They go to the Church of the Nativity and PP manages to avoid making an ass of himself on camera. We get to hear the tour guide sing the Lord’s Prayer in Aramaic which his kinda neat.
- PP gives Bethlehem’s water a rave review.
- PP moans about all of the idolatry in Bethlehem and the “false religion.”
- I start passing skipping the mini sermons that come with each site around this point.
- At Petra PP talks about why he was hesitant to visit the holy land before now; He doesn’t support the “modern, fake state of Israel.” Blah, blah, blah. Then he goes into how all of the sites they’ve visited so far aren’t even in Israel. He makes it a point to tell the viewers that at this point, they haven't even gone to Israel and everything we’ve seen so far has been in Jordan or Palestine.
- They hit the rewind button to show us how this trip REALLY went. They arrived in Amman, Jordan and crossed into the West Bank.
I paused at this point because I'm tired and can only watch the Pisser for so long. The film is almost 2 hrs long. I can tell the focus is probably shifting from "look at all of these cool holy sites" to PP whinging about Israel real soon.
I posted this in the coloring club (or whatever it's called). But I'm conducting a bit of an experiment since I've managed to find my way to where I can post a blog entry. (it doesn't appear as an option now under Create - well it does but it comes up blank)
This is my most recent project. I've got a couple of smudges that make me batty when I see them. Otherwise, I've very happy with how this turned out.
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Hi guys! This is my first blog post and I hope some of you will find this content intriguing. Apologies in advance for poor grammar - hopefully I get better with time. The two games I'm considering playing are vastly different from one another. Harvest Moon (recently renamed Story of Seasons) is a series of life and farm simulation games with the main objective of each game being to rebuild a farm and/or town and to befriend the townspeople. Corpse Party is a horror adventure RPG - decidedly different from Harvest Moon. More about their plots and origins below:
Harvest Moon: More Friends of Mineral Town:
Originally released in 2003, Harvest Moon: More Friends of Mineral Town (henceforth referred to as MFoMT) is the third Story of Seasons game that focuses on the female perspective.
The player is sitting alone in her apartment, thinking about how tired she is of her life in the city. She wants something new, and as she's looking in the newspaper, she sees an advertisement in the newspaper about a farm for sale.
She decides to purchase the farm, and goes there to see it. Upon arriving, she meets with the mayor, Thomas, who is surprised to see that somebody has replied to the advertisement. Although the farm needs a lot of work, Thomas says that the people of Mineral Town are desperate for a person to revive the farm. The player decides to live on the farm, and the game then begins.
Originally released in 1996, the plot of Corpse Party concerns a group of Japanese high school students who, after celebrating their school's culture festival, are telling ghost stories when a sudden earthquake transports them to a dilapidated schoolhouse in an alternative dimension that is haunted by the ghosts of people who have been trapped there. The main playable character is Satoshi Mochida, a kindhearted high school student who is teased by his classmates for his cowardly nature. Three of the other characters are students from Satoshi's class: Naomi Nakashima, Satoshi's childhood friend; Yoshiki Kishinuma, an intimidating yet good-natured student; and Ayumi Shinozaki, the class representative. Rounding out the group is Yuka Mochida, Satoshi's younger sister.
The game's story is split into five chapters, each focusing on different characters and featuring multiple endings that are achieved based on the player's in-game decisions: a "True Ending" required for the game's progression; and several "Wrong Endings" that are unlocked when the player performs events irrelevant to the main storyline. Characters also possess hit points (HP), which measure how much damage they can take before dying, in some instances leading to a wrong ending. As players progress through the game, they will unlock ten optional "Extra Chapters", vignettes that focus on the game's side characters and expand the storyline.
If I post about Corpse Party, I will include a NSFW warning, trigger warnings, and keep everything under spoilers, as it's quite... disturbing.
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to nor do I intend to advertise Story of Seasons, Harvest Moon, Harvest Moon: More Friends of Mineral Town, Corpse Party, Nintendo, or Natsume.
I mentioned in one of the threads that I'd attended a charity dinner where JK was speaking and had a theory that I wound up defending in a Tumblr challenge a few years back.
My theory is that Molly Weasley had her own Deathly Hallows in the final battle.
While viewed as a children’s story, or a physical quest, there was much more to the Deathly Hallows than that, the mastery of death could lie not just in objects, but in the right mix of people. The theory, hotly debated amongst vigilant believers, was in current contest as those three Hallows were united as they dueled against Bellatrix Lestrange.
There was Luna, the Resurrection Stone, the girl who fed thestrals, missed a mother and danced in and out of everyone else’s version of reality. The girl whose haunting alternate ways so often helped others get back to themselves when feeling lost or alone asking nothing in return, helping them resurrect who they were when they vulnerable.
There was Hermione, the Invisibility Cloak that had shielded others so many times, often invisible and unthanked in her constant support of everyone. The cloak’s true gift lay in the ability to shield others, not just a single wearer and never tired out. For Hermione had never left Harry’s side, had helped Hagrid for ages on his case for Buckbeak, had knit hat after hat for house elf rights, had been the constant plan maker to hide them from trouble. The girl who was tortured to shield others.
There was Ginny, the Elder Wand. The girl who stood toe to toe with Voldemort in a very private battle for months on end and ensured the only causality would be herself. If it is assumed the castle wasn’t doused with Flelix Feliciats, then Ginny was actively thwarting the giant, murderous creature she kept releasing while blacked out from killing. Chamber opening, rebellion leading, unmastered Ginny who showed Tom Riddle having a thing was not the same as being able to use it.
Their mistress was one Molly Weasley, who could selflessly possess the attributes. A daughter by blood, a daughter by heart from across the hill, a daughter to be. When faced with a depraved killer who had felled notable duelists, Molly could not be beat. The mother in her, the fresh grief she had might have been enough, but her Hallows ensured Bellatrix would never harm again.
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I want to preface this by saying I am kind of embarrassed that this is my third blog post here in a row and if other people don't start posting let my insecurity be on your heads.
Also - I am well aware that I'm FJ's Jill Duggar of food photography. I'm terrible ... snark away, judgey people.
I love cranberry-orange muffins and in company meetings I'd make sure they ordered one for me from Panera, but I prefer mine because they are slightly less sweet.
The three bears reference is because I always bake these in 3 sizes: Jumbo, regular*, and mini muffins.
I have three kids and this is one of the few things they all love. Sometimes they like the jumbo when grabbing one as a breakfast muffin on the way to work or school, we all love the regular, and mini-muffins are great when you want just a little bite without eating a whole one...because for me breaking into a whole muffin means I'll try to save for later but will finish it in short order so mini-muffins are perfect for those times you need a little taste of happiness without making a cupcake sized commitment.
*regular being typical cupcake tins.
This is my grandma's recipe. I am sure she got it from Ocean Spray originally and tweaked it as it's similar. This is for a double batch which will make a tray of each size (6 jumbo, 12 regular, and 24 mini.) It is also good in loaf pans as cranberry bread, but muffins leave less crumbs on my counter. Those of you who have neater families who wipe up their own counter crumbs may enjoy the bread, this recipe makes 2 loaf pans.
- 4 cups flour
- 2 cups sugar
- 1 tbsp baking powder
- 1 tsp baking soda
- 1 tsp salt
- 1.5 cups orange juice
- 4 tbsp melted butter (or Imperial margarine)
- 2 eggs, well beaten
- 4 cups fresh cranberries* halved or lightly pulsed once in food processor.
(*I do not use nuts in this recipe. If you prefer nuts then cut the cranberries to 3 cups and add one cup of pecans)
- Preheat oven to 350
- Butter tins or line with cupcake liners...I'm a big fan of spray butter
- Sift together dry ingredients (flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.)
- Mix together wet ingredients (OJ, butter, and eggs.) Add melted butter to OJ before adding eggs so they don't scramble from the heat.
- Pour wet ingredients into the dry and mix together by hand until just combined. Like with all such muffins do not over mix or you will get a very tough end product.
- Fold in cranberries until evenly dispersed throughout the batter, again don't over-mix. You don't want them whole, but not minced - big chunks are best. I use my food processor on all 4 cups at once and pulse it once.
- Regular - 1 ice cream scoop of batter per muffin.
- Mini - 1 melon baller scoop per muffin
- Jumbo - 1.5 - 1.75 ice cream scoops per muffin.
- Loaves - split the batter between 2 loaf
- Regular - 25 minutes
- Mini - 15 minutes
- Jumbo - 30-35 minutes
- Loaves - 50 minutes
Done when tops are golden and butter knife comes out clean.
(posting now but will upload pics from phone shortly.)
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Earlier today, I was at work with my Google Play Music on shuffle, and a song from the OBC recording of Annie popped up randomly. Weird, but whatever. It was one of my favorite musicals as a kid and I still have a bit of a soft spot for spunky red-headed orphans (see also PIppi Longstocking, Sansa Stark) Of course I listened to the entire thing, including a bunch of early mixes I hadn't heard before. I grew up in the time of tapes, and we were poor for a good portion of my life. I still remember my first walkman and the first two tapes - Amy Grant, Heart in Motion, and Annie. So I've listened to it a few times. (Eventually I also got an Ace of Base tape, a Madonna Tape, and some early 90s R&B, before moving on to CDs). Anyway, so I'm listening to some early mixes, and it hits me.
I love musicals.
This wasn't a revelation. But I love musicals because they are political. Every single one I've ever loved is political at it's very core. Annie - wealth disparity, the New Deal, history, Hoovervilles, all wrapped up in a shiny happy broadway theme. Rent - AIDS crisis, HIV stigma, poverty, wealth disparity, journalism integrity, the American Dream. Newsies - history - newsboys strike, Christian Bale singing with Bill Pullman, poverty, journalism, wealth disparity. Cabaret - rise of fascism while everyone parties. Les Mis, Chicago, even Mary Poppins has a liberal political message/history lesson in the middle of it. Sound of Music. Fiddler on the Roof. West Side Story. South Pacific. Avenue Q.
It appears that my favorite musicals (other than Mamma Mia, which we should just not talk about because I will fight you if you hate it) are the ones about living in poverty and doing the best you can with what you got. Not throwing away your shot, if you will.
Which brings me to a different memory.
I was talking to a guy on skype. He had lived next door to a very close friend, and he was dating a different "friend" of mine from high school. This was in the early 2000s and everyone was talking about the election, Bush V Gore, the Patriot Act, Ralph Nader, John McCain, and assorted topics. This guy was literally the first person who didn't even humor me with my "you should vote for x person in the local election." He was just "no. I don't vote." And even with his reasoning, I could not accept that. I still can not accept that. I don't understand that viewpoint, and I probably never will. It's been at least a decade since I talked to that guy, and I just don't get it. What do you do all day when you aren't political? What do you talk about? When you talk about "how to make the world better" what do you say? Is the number of people who hate politics at all correlated to people who hate musicals?
Which brings me to how does anyone hate musicals? I know they exist and are out there but why? Is it like my hatred of country music? They hear it and have the same full body uncomfortable feeling? That's so sad. I feel like I owe so much of my knowledge of history to my love of Broadway, as these groundbreaking musicals inspired me to study things in history that I probably wouldn't know about otherwise. I wouldn't have read Allan Ginsburg's Howl without Rent. I wouldn't have read The Berlin Stories without Cabaret. Fictional characters set during war time give the audience a grasp of what it was like for those who aren't Generals or State Politicians.
BTW. If Cabaret comes to your city, go see it. It's topical.
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I remember being about two years old (I have a long memory) and watching my dad plug in Christmas lights. That was probably the last year our family celebrated Christmas.
Both my parents grew up celebrating holidays like most of middle-class America, but as they began their slide into fundie-dom they started reading tracts and booklets about the evils of holidays. They believed that Christmas, Easter, and Halloween were evil throwbacks to paganism that had been perpetuated by the Catholics (who, of course, weren't "real Christians"). I'm linking here to something similar to the many booklets we had around the house: http://blowthetrumpet.org/AChristmasDefenseHowGodsPeopleJustifySin.htm
This refusal to celebrate holidays set my family apart, even from the fundamentalist Christians we associated with, and definitely caused a lot of confusion when people casually asked us kids what we were doing for Christmas, and we told them we didn't "do Christmas." We got asked a lot if we were Jehovah's Witnesses, since that's who usually comes to mind as not celebrating holidays. Sometimes people asked if my parents were Christian, because the idea of a Christian not celebrating Christmas was so astonishing.
Birthdays were only grudgingly allowed: we normally had just a family gathering, similar to the Maxwells' descriptions of their birthday celebration. It was often pointed out that the only birthdays mentioned in the Bible were the birthdays of evil men (Pharaoh and Herod). Also it was seen as being likely to draw to much attention to one person and make them self-centered.
This story has a bit of a happy ending, at least for me. After I left home, I embraced holidays with a vengeance. Christmas was amazing, my children got Easter baskets from my in-laws, Halloween was a pure delight of dressing my kids and taking them trick-or-treating. Now that I've left Christianity, I still look forward to the holidays. Christmas/Yule/Winter Solstice--whatever it's called, it's a time of joy and giving and yummy food. Halloween--it's a joy to watch my children enjoy what I didn't, with no fear of "Satan" to hinder their steps. The cycle of the seasons is cause for celebration, even if "Easter" isn't really a thing for me. And I want my children to feel special on their birthdays: to know that they're important and valued.
This rejection of holidays stemmed from anti-Catholic and anti-Pagan attitudes. It was promoted as being "God's way," but all the tracts reviled Catholics and Pagans, making it obvious that the real problem was with other people's belief systems. Of course, we were the ones with the "right" understanding of the Bible. As with everything else.
Nowadays, my parents still don't celebrate religious holidays, except for having or attending a Thanksgiving meal (apparently there's some justification in the Bible for "a day of thanks," don't ask me). They are free to do whatever they want on the holidays; meanwhile, at my house, there will likely be a delicious dinner cooking and a living room full of loved ones.
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I'm making my first attempt to cook rice in my Instant Pot. I am completely incapable of making rice that isn't either mush or crunchy, no matter what I do. Here's what I have done so far:
1 c. wild rice
2 c. water
1tsp better than bullion veggie because it sounded good.
Put in pot and set to 25 min per https://www.platingsandpairings.com/cook-perfect-rice-instant-pot/.
Prayed Rufus' blessing on my endeavour.
Blogged about it on FJ. Updates to follow.
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The title explains it all: My MIL is moving back to the region where husband and I live. We are state line to her home state (and mine), so she will be uber close to us. NEITHER of us is excited or looking forward to this B moving back with her mother (who is also not excited).
She's not a job type person, and already told GMIL she cannot get a job because she's unskilled. She's not even 60 yet. The unspoken truth is she is going to wait for her mother to die and leave her the trust fund she's expecting. It feels like a page from a fundie soap opera because I cannot even with the amount of laziness bullshit from her.
I'll have more updates later. She's supposed to be back by October 1st, but we don't know if she's going to cancel and try to "work things out" with her abusive, bipolar, alcoholic husband (for the second or third time).
In case you were wondering, my MIL is nowhere near fundie or even religious.
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Adeling finally posted about her engagement. Sort of. It's a long winded, Addie screed of Love to Her Father. Not daddy, but Her Father.
She finally put up an IG post. Y'all, she's ready for a threesome. A marriage with the Lord fully there with them. And man, did you know how wonderful her Father, Jesus, is? How wonderfully he plans things all in the right time. He set a table for her in the wilderness. He invented this wonderful beautiful thing, marriage. It's a definite fundie bingo of phrases but I feel guilty snarking since she's deliriously happy and she had to wait an eternity in fundie land. By her age her sister and Kressent/Rachel each had a passel of home birthed munchkins. Best of wishes to her. I do have a soft spot for her. I hope that he truly is her prince charming and that he treats her well.
I’m so bad. When I see everyone blowing bubbles at the new bride and groom, I’m just thinking:
”oh look! They are showering the new bride and groom with covid spheres!”
Well, I guess he finally got someone to say yes. I've barely followed him and I'm sorry for her. I hope that she is happy.
Found some public photos of the darnell-cochran nuptial