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About this blog

I just need someplace to vent about a few things, mostly my health and stress. 

Long story short, I’m 65, in 2002 I developed cardiomyopathy and was very sick. At the time I was told life expectancy was about 3 years.  Well here I still am. Two years ago, on my birthday, I had a health crisis and ended up with a pacemaker. The past month or so, I have just felt shitty.  My long time doctor 25 years, retired. Her partner, who I like , we continue my care, but it isn’t the same. Last few days I have been very anxious (unusual for me) and basically convinced I am dying. I am calling for an appointment tomorrow. I can’t put my finger on it, its just this weird dread feeling.  

Entries in this blog


Fucking In-Laws

well, MIL died Sunday, not unexpected. She was 90 and all in all had a good healthy long life. bitch that being said, I told BlackberryBoy that we need to write our obits now, to have them on hand so as to prevent the travesty that passes for obits in his family. ONE paragraph. Nothing about her as an individual. Hell even I could come up with 4 or 5 sincere, kind, comments about her. to add insult to injury  they misspelled BlackberryKid1’s name when mentioning predecea




20 years ago today

I hate the holiday season, just hate it. I used to love it, but 20 years ago today the police came to our door to make the worst notification they are tasked with. Our daughter was just 21. We do Christmas, we have had little kids for the past 17 years, so we have to do Christmas, but I just wish I could go to bed Thanksgiving night and wake up mid January. 




Shitty, shitty month

It has been a shitty month.  It started out so nice, with BlackberryKid3’s wedding... but man.. the next weekend BlackberryBoy woke up on Saturday complaining about weirdness in his vision. From his description, I chalked it down to floaters and told him not to worry.  By Tuesday, the day after Veterans Day he was beside himself, so we got him into our ophthalmologist, who took one look and hooked him up with a specialist that day. specialist did an injection and scheduled him for




Night ninjas

Whoa!  Last night was weird as hell. At some point within minutes of me falling asleep, Mark took my hand and kissed it, in his sleep, and I went through the ceiling. I was startled awake and somehow thought a heyena had licked my arm.  Then a couple hours later I surfaced to see a ninja in full black costume jump over the bed and crouch by the window.  Fuck. Obviously I didn't go back to sleep. I had taken tramadol twice yesterday for the migraine and arthritis. I generally average 2




Craptastic week or so

Adding to the stuff I said in the intro, I have had a migraine for almost 72 hours. Aleve didn’t help, I took tramodol, and that sort of helped a little. I can’t take anything with codiene, anaphylaxis...tramodol makes me nauseated and shakey. Since I can’t vomit, i have dry heaves throughout the day.  I don’ get migraines much anymore, since menopause, but when I do ... fml. Also I am generally a positive upbeat person, not these last few days. AND I can’ t sleeep worth shit. 



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    • Cartmann99


      I just did something I rarely do; I reported some ads to Google saying I'd seen them multiple times. Being told two to four times a page about how short the emergency room wait is in a nearby town was driving me slowly insane.
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      I'm going to kill anyone who tells me to go for a damn walk. It's not a miracle cure that's helped me thus far and it certainly won't start now.
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