Welcome back to 66 Goodbook Avenue! As always, its been a while since I've updated. If anyone is reading this, here's a recap:
Eva Johnson married Adam Eden when they were both 20 (in Jan of 2010).
Adam is a manager for Hobby Lobby; Eva is a Manager of her Home. They immediately moved into a 3-bed, 2-bath home in the suburbs and started procreating for the Lord.
Genesis (g) 10/10 Honeymoon Baby!
Exodus (b) 9/11
Leviticus (b) 11/12
Numbers (g) 2/14
Deuteronomy (g) 5/15
Joshua (b) 6/16
Judges (b) 10/17
Ruth (g) 1/19
Samuel (b) 3/20
Kings (b) 6/21
Chronicles (g) 10/31/22
Ezra (b) 2/24
TWINS Nehemiah and Esther 12/25
plus their newest precious blessing on the way in 2027! (For the record, that's an average of 15 months between births - not quite Courtney Rogers fast, but definitely Michelle Duggar fast.)
The first laundry-room break-down occurred only at child 3 (under 3).
Soon Eva's younger sister was brought in as live-in help - she has since married and divorced and is no longer living in the Big House.
A second breakdown happened about 10 kids in. Genesis had to be promoted to sister mom at age 11, Exodus became a little man of the house at 12, and Levi joined the ranks of toddler carer/handyman/and cook at age 13. Now, except for the eldest three keeping the family together, neither Eva nor I care about her sprog once they are out of toddler years. My little experiment is really mirroring fundie life remarkably well. Ok here we go:
In Feb of 2027, #4 Numbers turned 13 and became the second sister-mom!
She is a loner who hates the noise and mess of the Big House, and it really was getting crowded, so the Edens grifted for ANOTHER house expansion and built the Teen Wing. It is of course attached to the nursery, as who else would be minding the littles?!
You can't see it from this picture, but we have truly reached lawlessness in the Big House. Toddlers fending for themselves, children sleeping on the courting bench in the garden, someone up at all hours, and everyone running into each other in the bathrooms. The only way Eva and I get through the days is to just not care anymore.
And into this chaos, #15 was born! Welcome to the world Job! We can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for you! If we can remember which one you are.
As you can see, the family has more and more mouths to feed. Genesis turned 16 and became a megachurch barista like her mother before her, and her teen brothers (not 16 yet but hey, fundies don't care) landscape on the weekends to help feed their siblings. Fundie teenagedom sounds like the WORST.
(In true fundie fashion, I have no idea who the other kids are in this picture.)
However, even in fundieland, adolescence is still a time of new adventures and opportunity. While Eva continues to write novels (her latest nonfiction work "Doubly Blessed: My life as Twin Mama and Mama to 13* More (*at time of writing)" has just been published), Genesis is a budding musician and wrote a folk song, "Big Happy Family" that has had modest success. (Hey Genesis, blink twice if your parents titled the song for you!...Oh you seem to have something in your eye.)
And of course the teenage years mean getting to know members of the opposite gender. Leviticus, a budding preacher, continues to host truly terrible youth groups, but despite this, somehow Exodus and Maya begin to bond over some burned 'dog.
Eventually they try a new locale. It doesn't matter. Levi is truly terrible at socialization.
The others make new friends, properly chaperoned and keeping plenty of room for Jesus between them. (and of course, drinking nothing stronger than some seltzer) What fun!
Speaking of teens, Deuteronomy #5 aged up in the middle of year 19/2028.
Not like that!
Much better. Actually, Deuteronomy is the fundiest of them all. She makes her parents so proud. And that's good, because they are going to need all the help they can get. Just as Job turns 1 and becomes a toddler,
Eva tells Adam they are expecting a new blessing!
"How nice," says Adam. "What number is this?"
#16 is on its way!!!
As if that weren't enough to keep track of, we of course always have our eye on Elsie Johnson, Eva's little sister! She has been working through a culinary career while single-moming her precious son Romano, who just started school at a private Christian academy. When we last saw them, they had just gotten an adorable kitty named Nacho.
Elsie - turning 30, divorced, and a single mom - was thinking about dating again, but realized she's already an unusual catch, and her family didn't feel quite complete yet. So she adopted a little girl named Brie!
If you were around for the rough years, look how full Elsie's life is now!
She works evenings, so she is able to spend lots of time with Brie while Romano is at school,
visit with Romano while Brie is napping in the afternoon,
and watch them play together before she works (and they go to the Big House).
She is truly a fundie success story and I hope she is secretly inspiring some of her nieces and nephews!
Will any of the little Edens break free like Elsie has? Are any courtships on the horizon? We'll just have to stay tuned! Until next time, Edens out!