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The Conundrums of Conundrum

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Realizing I Can't Call My Mom Anymore

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Conundrum

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Last week my daughter's school called to let my husband and me know Twin B was going to be tapped in to National Honor Society. This is a goal B has worked towards for years. She was nominated last year and was devastated when she didn't get in but she took that disappoint and she was determined to make it in this year; and she did it!

My mom was still alive when Twin A was selected for National English Honor Society a few months ago and we are all proud of both of them; however, NHS has a ceremony and more prestige than NEHS. 

When we got the phone all from school about B's NHS tapping my first thought was "I have call my mom so she can come to the 'tapping in,' too!" Then I realized right after that I can't call her. I cried the entire tapping ceremony because I know my mom would be so very proud. 

On an another note, I have a friend whom claims she is a medium and offered a session as a gift to me. She met my mom a couple times seven or eight years ago but we never really spoke of my childhood nor does she know my family. We met in rehab and were in the same group but she didn't know anything about my parents nor did we ever speak of the really personal things in our lives, that was saved for one-on-one with our councillors and doctors. We have kept in touch as a group but I haven't spoken with just her in years. I went into her house with skeptical optimism and with an open heart. Well, l was able to voice record the almost 2 hours I was with her and she knew so much, in such great details, and even answered questions I had written on a piece of paper in my pocket that I didn't tell anyone about. I figured if she was the real deal I would get the answers because my mom knew what I wanted and needed to know. 

And one last thing, I was always told my parents planned their pregnancy for me. I asked my dad and he refused to give me any other answer except this: When your mom found out she was pregnant she wanted a girl. I said "Yes, Dad, but was I a PLANNED pregnancy?" He just said "Your mom was so happy when you were born and the doctors said you were a girl." I said to him "Yeah, Dad, I get it, I wasn't planned, I was a surprise!" He just chuckled. LOL!!

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