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Our community blogs

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    Recent Entries

    'Iim not one to wax poetic. What's struck me is that we are becoming a family here, so I feel safe saying this. Look....I have several zautoimmune diseases crohns,psoriasis,fatigue,  and a chronically skip off events and fun stuff due to the illness. Lost a lot of friends that way plus I left the fundie church. This is sort of personal so please no trolls. Eating is not fun for me. I also  struggle with men--finding  attractive men who get it.  or even wanting to date me...are almost nonexistent. not surprising since I was the butt if jokes in middle and high school. I'd like to try to make something of myself by so fat I'm stuck as a receptionist.i want more than fundie education( no, I went to an excellent school, but people write me off fairly quickly.) stupid Heath. Any ideas? 

     

    Curious and HA if this OT please let me know and I'll remove. Itmust be awful if nobody cares! Romantically I mean. maybe I'm meant to be a nun. Who knows .....and before everyone gets worried I'm fine..

    meandering thoughts Monday....

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    For as long as I can remember I have been fascinated with religion.  I have devoured books and documentaries.  I have been in the front row of lectures.  I have asked questions, read blogs, articles, magazines, etc.  I have learned about major religions, fundamentalist groups, atheism, spiritual traditions, wicca, paganism, the druids, and the list goes on.  I have visited churches listening to sermons from multiple branches of christianity.  In searching through scientific papers, I hoped I would find the loopholes that would allow me to "just have faith".  I have searched high and low.  I wanted answers.  I still do, but these days, in my later years, I realize that answers may not come and that is okay.  I now know that I don't have to have all the answers to live a happy, productive and peaceful life.  I recognize that placing the burden of my life onto someone else's understanding of a supreme being isn't necessary.  I have survived (and sometimes thrived) through much turmoil and joy and I did it without giving the credit for either extreme to an unseen entity.  Those bad decisions were mine - not satans.  The good things I've done and experienced - they were from me too.  My consequences were my own.  My pain was my own and the love that I have for myself and those around me are all parts of me and me alone.  That isn't to say that I didn't recognize that something was missing.  I would look around at other people and see a deeper joy, a collective happiness of sorts and I would wonder - what does THAT feel like?  They would meet in groups and talk about their faith.  They had small meetings, studied books, held social events and played in bands.  There were entire festivals build around a belief in someone outside of themselves that had to power to either bless them with great gifts, give them diseases, take away their loved ones, start wars and impoverish whole nations...they gave all of their power to this outside force and relieved themselves of the responsibility of their decisions and found a way to blame consequences and bad decisions on another 'evil' being.  I recognize that I sound very pessimistic about the whole deal and in no way do I mean to thrash those who find there peace this way.  I simply don't understand it.  I am truly fascinated with the phonomena of faithfulness and those who are able to live their lives this way.  I am really enthralled with the scientific community that has found there way to jesus or allah or buddha or yahweh.  I want to know how they reconciled science and religion. I want to find the line between faith and reason.  Has anyone ever felt this way?  Do you know where that line is for you?  If so, what made you take the leap - on to either side?  My mind is open and I am always learning.

  1. Musings of a (Future) Music Therapist

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    • 10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord) - Matt Redman
    • 4 Chords Song - Axis of Awesome
    • Abide with Me - Traditional/Hymn
    • Amazing Grace - Traditional/Hymn
    • Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone) - Chris Tomlin
    • And They'll Know We Are Christians By Our Love - Traditional/Hymn
    • Angel - Shaggy
    • Anything But Mine - Kenny Chesney
    • Away in a Manger - Traditional/Hymn
    • Because the Night - 10,000 Maniacs
    • Boom De Ya Da - Discovery Channel
    • Born This Way - Lady Gaga
    • Brave - Sara Barielles
    • Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson
    • Bring Him Home - Les Mis
    • Broken - The Sheytoons
    • By Way of Sorrow - The Wailin' Jennys
    • Count on Me - Bruno Mars

    ...To be continued.

  2. Hanging On By My Teeth

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    beckerbuns
    Latest Entry

    At the end of December, 2014, I was forced out of my little duplex and sent scrambling for a place to live.  My own mother had decided that she would take my son in, but would not take me in.  This was not for any good reason that I could discern.  I am not a user of drugs or alcohol, nor a gambler.  I have always maintained employment.  I do not abuse anyone and I get along great with my mom.  She had just decided that she would rather I be homeless than help me.  It hurt very badly, because we had always been close, like best friends, and now she was basically dumping me onto the streets if I did not find somewhere to live.  A friend started a youcaring fundraiser to help me with moving and storage costs, but I knew I was skating a thin line between having a place, and living in my car or on the streets.

    On the day after Christmas, a friend offered me a place to stay in the nick of time.  I would be able to live in her mom's house while the mom was in the hospital.  When the mom came home, I would be her nighttime caregiver in exchange for room and board.  I was incredibly grateful and knew how lucky I was. 

    Going from a two bedroom, one bath duplex with lots of storage to one bedroom with no storage was my challenge.  I had managed to get rid of a huge debris bin (dumpster) full of stuff the previous May (therein lies a whole other story), but still had years of accumulated stuff to go through.  I was, of course, short on time, so I wasn't able to be thorough, but I paid to store what I ended up keeping.  I budgeted $500 per month; it ended up costing me $319 (which I'm still paying).

    I came to the new place with my bed, my desk, a dresser, and my computer, and a few boxes of clothes and minimal other items.  I used the kitchen and jacuzzi occasionally and otherwise stayed in my room.  I saw my boyfriend daily and went to work daily and otherwise I basically avoided people.  I worked swing shift and spent many morning and weekend hours ensconced in my room, curled up in bed crying and depressed.  The depression crushed me so badly I felt like I couldn't get out of bed even if I wanted to.  I had my daughter with me on alternate weekends and even on those mornings with her I could barely get myself out of bed, which distressed her and worried my mom.

    At some point... And I can't even pinpoint when it was... I came to the realization that I needed to see things differently.  Living by myself, away from my kids, really sucked.  But I had a boyfriend, friends and family members who loved me.  I had a job.  I was in relatively good health.  I don't know how it happened, but I started thinking differently, making the best of my situation.  My boyfriend and I cooked interesting new dishes that we found online, in the beautiful kitchen we had at our disposal.  I started spending more time out of the house when I had my daughter over for visits.  I went to the library.  I made an effort.

    I don't know why I turned that corner, but I am convinced that doing so saved my life.

  3. The Bible Virgin

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  6. Weekend Baking

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  7. christmasSOCKing's blog

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  8. HPF's Spectacular Scotland Sojurn

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  9. Raised in Rebellion

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  14. Lori Alexander Accountablity Blog

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  • Posts

    • Palimpsest

      Posted

      2 hours ago, petrushka said:

      I could not see her coupled up with Jesse Maxwell.  I doubt Jesse could land a fundie princess like Allison. 

      Why not!  :mouse-shock:  His big bro landed that ultimate fundie princess Chelsy, after all.   The lad could try. 

      Poor Jesse.   We all dismiss him for his lack of hotness compared to John.   I have a soft spot for him but my hopes of his doing a runner from Maxhell are dwindling.

      Allison is probably one of the few single women (other than his sisters) he gets to meet under the age of 80.  I'm sure he is pining after her.  And don't forget he had the initiative to clean up the woodpile all by himself and owns a house debt-free. 

      He's a catch.  A catch, I tell you!  :laughing-rollingred:

       

    • punkiepie

      Posted

      I was perusing the RC-Lisa facebook pictures and all of a sudden I realized that RCjr and Mario Batali look freakishly alike- especially now that Jr has grown himself a mullet!  Does anyone else see it? 

      image.png.d0b9c240d4fd5e7c469f2324db060700.png     image.png.b096f729f18613cea992002dff6e49d7.png  

    • HerNameIsBuffy

      Posted

      I wish her critical thinking skills were as functional as her uterus.

       

    • OyToTheVey

      Posted

      On 1/16/2019 at 12:22 PM, FleeJanaFree said:

      I think too much emphasis is put on Josh wanting to specifically be a lawyer at, what, 16? I did too at 16! (Spoiler alert: I'm not) Your average 16 year old isn't likely to know what their occupation will be in ten years. Most people I know changed majors a few times. And that's fine and normal.   I have exactly two friends that did what they said they were going to do career-wise in high school. 

      Yes it sucks he didn't truly have realistic options, but my sympathy for Josh was dried up when he assaulted five girls (that we know about). 

      I wasn't even 16! I took the LSATs, was a paralegal for 3 months and quit. I HATED it so much. 

      The rest I totally agree with you.

    • allthegoodnamesrgone

      Posted

      10 minutes ago, QuiverFullofBooks said:

      My husband asked me to put lime yogurt on the grocery list. I like lime too, but I think it doesn’t really work in yogurt.

      Have you had KeyLime yogurt, I love it. But I love most things lime.

      • Upvote 1


  • Recent Status Updates

    • louisa05

      louisa05

      My main district is closed tomorrow for expected snow of 1-3 inches which is supposed to just start to fall around their Friday early dismissal time. So I'm out a work day. SMH. 
      · 0 replies
    • AliceInFundyland

      AliceInFundyland

      I feel the lonelies hard today for unexpected reasons. 
      · 3 replies
    • albireo

      albireo

      My ex has a kid now. This feels very weird.
      · 1 reply
    • HerNameIsBuffy

      HerNameIsBuffy

      Why do cuticles get hard sometimes and hurt?
      since time seems to move rapidly when I’m hitting the snooze or running late for work, or on lunch, and slows to a crawl while working it’s all perception.  How do I change my perception to reverse that?
      I am trying to teach myself to take micro naps with my eyes open ...it’s not working.
      · 1 reply
    • Maggie Mae

      Maggie Mae

      I just got a push notification about Prince Phillip and I have no idea who that is? 
      · 4 replies
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