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  1. Grad Student, Bad Student.

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    This is my first blog post here and that is because I am very on edge here and cannot complain anywhere else as all my other blogs are linked to my life and people that know me. So, allow me to paint a picture for you -- one of an insensitive, rude, obnoxious character who has for some reason decided that we are friends. We'll call him Nettles for a code name to represent how annoying he is.

    I cannot explain how much I am not friends with Nettles. I do not speak to him unless spoken to. We are not Facebook friends. I do not have his phone number. He just happens to be in my program. We. Are. Not. Friends. 

    A Brief List of Infractions:

    (1) On the first day of class, the professor handed out handouts for us to take notes on that follow along with his powerpoint. As this is graduate studies, this is above and beyond the call of duty for him to do. Nettles immediately asked if he could also pre-three-hole-punch these handouts for us. (Spoiler: Professor cannot, and will not, do that.)

    (2) Nettles has a tendency to hijack office hours and prevents anybody but himself from getting help due to his endless questions.

    (3) We are more than 3 days behind in class because he also asks many useless questions. They may be about something Professor has just said 5 seconds ago, or they may be about something that is physically impossible, or they may be weird personal questions for Professor about his life and, oddly, spelling preferences.

    (4) Professor is colorblind. Nettles has asked, "If we draw diagrams, can we do them in two colors or just one color?" Professor gave exasperated sigh and said, "I...don't...care" because he probably won't notice the color difference anyway and if it's color coded he can just borrow one of his own grad students to read it. Nettles does not seem to understand how colorblindness works.

    (5) Nettles lives with my three friends. He borrows their food without asking.

    (6) Friend Berry brought beer over one night for movie night with the other three friends in Nettle's apartment. Nettle's was not invited, but since he lives there, we can't really stop him. He, however, invited himself to Berry's beer, coming out of his room by saying, "Oh I'll have some beer" and pouring himself a glass.

    (7) A second guest had food there for himself which Nettles simply started eating off the counter without asking.

    (8) Nettles consistently brags about having lost his job.

    (9) Nettles continually interrupts other students working on group projects and asks things like "WHEN IS THAT DUE?" when he isn't even in that class.

    (10) The worst infraction, by far. This is the reason I am writing this and not my paper. I cannot focus. I am still upset. Today, we were sitting in our classroom before the arrival of our professor. 

    It is known to my closer friends and co-workers that my grandmother has very advanced dementia, likely Alzheimers, and she is in a nursing home not far from my program. My friends, being my friends, asked how my Thanksgiving was and I explained to them, privately, that it was strange and macabre and quite honestly depressing to make a centerpiece in a conference room of a nursing home and try to ignore the fact that Grandma keeps trying to eat the cloth napkins. Nettles hears me say, "Yeah, Thanksgiving was kind of weird..."

    so Nettles says, very loudly, loud enough for the entire class and Professor who has now shown up to teach, "OH ANTIMONY I HEARD YOU HAD SOME FAMILY STUFF GOING ON FOR THE HOLIDAYS DID THAT GO OKAY???"

    a) I don't know how he heard that because I never would have told him this private information because We. Are. Not. Friends.
    b ) now all of my peers know this...thanks.
    c) oh and my professor. great.

    My first reaction to this is to freeze and not respond...so he goes,

    "OH DID IT GO BADLY?"

    forcing me to say between clenched teeth, "It was fine." because now that Professor is in the room, I can't say things like, "Don't speak to me."

    I was so upset after this incident that I spent the rest of the lecture short of breath and increasingly dizzy. 

    That is all. 

  2. Sew and Sew

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    ghost
    Latest Entry

    I am getting ready to buy what will probably be the last sewing machine I will ever own and it has been a gut wrenching decision.  There are machines that cost as much as a good used car (upwards of 10,000 dollars) and there are cheap plastic pieces of crap for a couple of hundred.  There are also many, many in-between.  So I started my search on the internet.  First piece of advice that made sense to me…determine what type of sewing I would be using the machine for.  Now on the surface that sounds like good advice and it is good advice but it required me to get honest with myself.  How's that you might ask.  Well, my knee jerk response to that question is I want to do it all.  I want to be able to do beautiful embroidery, I want to be able to sew every type of material from sheer to canvas, leather, and denim.  I want to do it all!  But the question for me is…will I really actually do it.  Honestly, no I won't.  I'm good enough with hand embroidery that anything I want to embroider, I can do without the aid of a machine.  What I do want is a machine that can sew a wide range of fabrics so that's what I focused on.  

     

    When seeking advice I found that most folks I sought out were brand loyal sometimes to a fault.  "Oh, brand X won't handle canvas or leather but I love this brand so much you should modify your wants and buy this brand."  One brand loyal person told me that no household machine can handle the really heavy stuff and if I really want to sew those materials I should get a used commercial machine (after buying the brand they loved for every thing else).  I can only buy one machine so I kept looking.  And after looking high and low and reading every review out there…I found the one.  And I am in love.  I can't buy it until after the first of the year.  I'm counting the days until it's mine, all mine.  I go to the makers website everyday to look longingly at it.  I watch the videos and blow kisses cooing that it will get to come home with me soon.  Yes I know I'm no better than those other dewy eyed fools I spoke of I guess  it is like finding a life mate when the right one comes along you just know in your heart of hearts.  Hang in there Hazel (she has a name all ready) we'll be together.

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    'Iim not one to wax poetic. What's struck me is that we are becoming a family here, so I feel safe saying this. Look....I have several zautoimmune diseases crohns,psoriasis,fatigue,  and a chronically skip off events and fun stuff due to the illness. Lost a lot of friends that way plus I left the fundie church. This is sort of personal so please no trolls. Eating is not fun for me. I also  struggle with men--finding  attractive men who get it.  or even wanting to date me...are almost nonexistent. not surprising since I was the butt if jokes in middle and high school. I'd like to try to make something of myself by so fat I'm stuck as a receptionist.i want more than fundie education( no, I went to an excellent school, but people write me off fairly quickly.) stupid Heath. Any ideas? 

     

    Curious and HA if this OT please let me know and I'll remove. Itmust be awful if nobody cares! Romantically I mean. maybe I'm meant to be a nun. Who knows .....and before everyone gets worried I'm fine..

    meandering thoughts Monday....

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    For as long as I can remember I have been fascinated with religion.  I have devoured books and documentaries.  I have been in the front row of lectures.  I have asked questions, read blogs, articles, magazines, etc.  I have learned about major religions, fundamentalist groups, atheism, spiritual traditions, wicca, paganism, the druids, and the list goes on.  I have visited churches listening to sermons from multiple branches of christianity.  In searching through scientific papers, I hoped I would find the loopholes that would allow me to "just have faith".  I have searched high and low.  I wanted answers.  I still do, but these days, in my later years, I realize that answers may not come and that is okay.  I now know that I don't have to have all the answers to live a happy, productive and peaceful life.  I recognize that placing the burden of my life onto someone else's understanding of a supreme being isn't necessary.  I have survived (and sometimes thrived) through much turmoil and joy and I did it without giving the credit for either extreme to an unseen entity.  Those bad decisions were mine - not satans.  The good things I've done and experienced - they were from me too.  My consequences were my own.  My pain was my own and the love that I have for myself and those around me are all parts of me and me alone.  That isn't to say that I didn't recognize that something was missing.  I would look around at other people and see a deeper joy, a collective happiness of sorts and I would wonder - what does THAT feel like?  They would meet in groups and talk about their faith.  They had small meetings, studied books, held social events and played in bands.  There were entire festivals build around a belief in someone outside of themselves that had to power to either bless them with great gifts, give them diseases, take away their loved ones, start wars and impoverish whole nations...they gave all of their power to this outside force and relieved themselves of the responsibility of their decisions and found a way to blame consequences and bad decisions on another 'evil' being.  I recognize that I sound very pessimistic about the whole deal and in no way do I mean to thrash those who find there peace this way.  I simply don't understand it.  I am truly fascinated with the phonomena of faithfulness and those who are able to live their lives this way.  I am really enthralled with the scientific community that has found there way to jesus or allah or buddha or yahweh.  I want to know how they reconciled science and religion. I want to find the line between faith and reason.  Has anyone ever felt this way?  Do you know where that line is for you?  If so, what made you take the leap - on to either side?  My mind is open and I am always learning.

  3. Musings of a (Future) Music Therapist

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    • 10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord) - Matt Redman
    • 4 Chords Song - Axis of Awesome
    • Abide with Me - Traditional/Hymn
    • Amazing Grace - Traditional/Hymn
    • Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone) - Chris Tomlin
    • And They'll Know We Are Christians By Our Love - Traditional/Hymn
    • Angel - Shaggy
    • Anything But Mine - Kenny Chesney
    • Away in a Manger - Traditional/Hymn
    • Because the Night - 10,000 Maniacs
    • Boom De Ya Da - Discovery Channel
    • Born This Way - Lady Gaga
    • Brave - Sara Barielles
    • Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson
    • Bring Him Home - Les Mis
    • Broken - The Sheytoons
    • By Way of Sorrow - The Wailin' Jennys
    • Count on Me - Bruno Mars

    ...To be continued.

  4. Hanging On By My Teeth

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    beckerbuns
    Latest Entry

    At the end of December, 2014, I was forced out of my little duplex and sent scrambling for a place to live.  My own mother had decided that she would take my son in, but would not take me in.  This was not for any good reason that I could discern.  I am not a user of drugs or alcohol, nor a gambler.  I have always maintained employment.  I do not abuse anyone and I get along great with my mom.  She had just decided that she would rather I be homeless than help me.  It hurt very badly, because we had always been close, like best friends, and now she was basically dumping me onto the streets if I did not find somewhere to live.  A friend started a youcaring fundraiser to help me with moving and storage costs, but I knew I was skating a thin line between having a place, and living in my car or on the streets.

    On the day after Christmas, a friend offered me a place to stay in the nick of time.  I would be able to live in her mom's house while the mom was in the hospital.  When the mom came home, I would be her nighttime caregiver in exchange for room and board.  I was incredibly grateful and knew how lucky I was. 

    Going from a two bedroom, one bath duplex with lots of storage to one bedroom with no storage was my challenge.  I had managed to get rid of a huge debris bin (dumpster) full of stuff the previous May (therein lies a whole other story), but still had years of accumulated stuff to go through.  I was, of course, short on time, so I wasn't able to be thorough, but I paid to store what I ended up keeping.  I budgeted $500 per month; it ended up costing me $319 (which I'm still paying).

    I came to the new place with my bed, my desk, a dresser, and my computer, and a few boxes of clothes and minimal other items.  I used the kitchen and jacuzzi occasionally and otherwise stayed in my room.  I saw my boyfriend daily and went to work daily and otherwise I basically avoided people.  I worked swing shift and spent many morning and weekend hours ensconced in my room, curled up in bed crying and depressed.  The depression crushed me so badly I felt like I couldn't get out of bed even if I wanted to.  I had my daughter with me on alternate weekends and even on those mornings with her I could barely get myself out of bed, which distressed her and worried my mom.

    At some point... And I can't even pinpoint when it was... I came to the realization that I needed to see things differently.  Living by myself, away from my kids, really sucked.  But I had a boyfriend, friends and family members who loved me.  I had a job.  I was in relatively good health.  I don't know how it happened, but I started thinking differently, making the best of my situation.  My boyfriend and I cooked interesting new dishes that we found online, in the beautiful kitchen we had at our disposal.  I started spending more time out of the house when I had my daughter over for visits.  I went to the library.  I made an effort.

    I don't know why I turned that corner, but I am convinced that doing so saved my life.

  5. The Bible Virgin

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  6. Bible belt agnostic

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  7. Testing Corner

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  8. Weekend Baking

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  9. christmasSOCKing's blog

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  10. HPF's Spectacular Scotland Sojurn

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  11. Raised in Rebellion

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  12. nst

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  13. Blackberry rambles

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  14. Raising Multiple Mullins

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  15. Granwych

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  16. Lori Alexander Accountablity Blog

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  • Posts

    • JermajestyDuggar

      Posted

      20 minutes ago, Seahorse Wrangler said:

      Me too...

       

      Cynical Seahorse is thinking the woman who wanted 'the literature' was another pro-lier  friend of TAM who was trying to provoke the police into action.

      I was actually hoping it was someone who hates these protesters and wanted to get her in trouble. But I’m petty like that.

    • samurai_sarah

      Posted (edited)

      55 minutes ago, Lgirlrocks said:

      Same goes for men. Being mad and upset can look ugly on anyone. Period. Fuck that shit about women always having to smile. It’s annoying and tiring. I do smile a lot but if I don’t feel like it I shouldn’t have to. 85D7FAE5-9A5E-4E7E-B06E-13195BC71467.thumb.png.aeb65468f2478f545eeb4a935c0a904b.png

      Lori is so wrong. My housemates, when I was a student, my housemates used to tell me that "We aren't afraid when you're shouting. We shit ourselves when you're calm and smiling...".

       

      Edited by samurai_sarah
    • Seahorse Wrangler

      Posted

      3 hours ago, NachosFlandersStyle said:

      Ehh, I can certainly imagine being proud of civil disobedience for a *worthwhile* cause. It's the part about harassing individuals who are just trying to go about their business that I don't understand.

      Me too...

       

      Cynical Seahorse is thinking the woman who wanted 'the literature' was another pro-lier  friend of TAM who was trying to provoke the police into action.

    • Purrl

      Posted

      I doubt she cut it too, but maybe the hairstylist at the Bates wedding convinced her to.

    • Lgirlrocks

      Posted

      Same goes for men. Being mad and upset can look ugly on anyone. Period. Fuck that shit about women always having to smile. It’s annoying and tiring. I do smile a lot but if I don’t feel like it I shouldn’t have to. 85D7FAE5-9A5E-4E7E-B06E-13195BC71467.thumb.png.aeb65468f2478f545eeb4a935c0a904b.png



  • Recent Status Updates

    • mollysmom

      mollysmom

      Almost lost my little dog Molly today  Thankfully she seems to be ok but the next 24 hours are crucial. My ex husband came home to find her blanket wrapped around her neck real tight and she was just laying on the floor. He got her untangled and the blanket had blood on it and she had pooped and peed (probably so scared while it was happening) She started coughing up blood and her one eye is all bulged out and bloody. He called me and I told him to get her to the nearest emergency vet and I would meet him there. They said she's really lucky to be alive. They said to keep a close eye on her breathing the next 24 hours but after that if she's ok she should be fine. They sent her home with eyedrops and an anti-inflammatory medicine for her little neck. I'm so happy that she is ok but man, my heart is broken just thinking about how terrified my poor little baby was! I really really hope dogs have short memories so she doesn't remember this but even thinking about how she was most likely struggling just breaks my heart. I know she's "just" a dog so this is probably silly to alot of people, I totally get that, but she is my baby. I never had children. Molly is my baby. Everytime I think about how she was probably feeling I just cry. But I'm so glad she's alive.
      · 6 replies
    • AliceInFundyland

      AliceInFundyland

      Ch. 3 Sneak Attack
      While in bed, two ants appear on my arm. Instead of approaching this logically, I spray the ant spray straight behind my nightstand.
      Unventilated.
      Immediately. Don't do that.
      · 3 replies
    • melon

      melon  »  clueliss

      clueliss,I love your profile pic.
      I have 3 torties.I have 3 tabbies and 1 black or tuxedo cat.
      · 0 replies
    • HerNameIsBuffy

      HerNameIsBuffy

      Got up at 6:30 and made kids’ breakfast before they went to work.  Cleaned up and laid back down for a second to plan what I was going to do this morning aaaaannnnndddd...
      Just woke up a little after noon.  
      Just me and the fur kiddos and I’m trying really hard not to follow sleeping in with a long nap.
      · 3 replies
    • VelociRapture

      VelociRapture

      It’s Father’s Day in the States today. I hope everyone celebrating has a lovely day and everyone having a difficult time - for any reason - has a peaceful one. ❤️
      · 0 replies
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