Tomorrow (1/19) is Sarah's 30th b-day.

[gustava]

It's fundie-speak to say "should" the Lord do this or that. They don't presume to know for sure that God is going to get Sarah a husband.

But yeah, it does look bleak, if that's all they think she is supposed to be. Sarah's wasted her life thus far spinning her wheels. I doubt she'll get out of park for a long time if ever, living in Steve and Terri's crazy.

What I got from this post is that John Marie is not coming around to check out mild-mannered Sarah, or unfortunate Anna, but instead yummy Mary.

Thanks Creaky Mom -- It's the grammarian in me not the fundie.

[FloraDoraDolly]

I'm glad so many people left messages for Sarah, especially the ones whose children have read and enjoyed her books. The Moody series is the one thing Sarah has that's HERS.

[Guest Anonymous]

Sarah's only hope of escape is if she gets lucky and Steve shuffles off the mortal coil while she's still young enough to benefit from her release.

[luckylibrarian]

Poor Sarah. Steve sounded like he was talking about an employee, not a daughter. The Maxwell children are just unpaid employees.

I feel weird calling them "kids" when I am just seven months older than Sarah, and most of the kids are legal adults. They just seem like children.

[fundiefan]

It is weird calling them kids when only two are even under 18 and only by a year or two at that. I often say offspring, because no matter what Steve has done to them, they are not kids or children. They are grown adults, two teens/young adults; none are kids. But, their lives are so childlike it's almost impossible not to say kids or children because none of them live at all like teens or young adults or adults. Even Nathan and Christopher are firmly rooted in their childhood roles and that is apparent any time they do show up for pictures or in stories (Nathan deferred to Steve to decide if god wanted his daughter to visit the chipmunks while they were on what some might call a vacation...I still feel sick about shit like that).

Sarah may have spent thirty years on this earth, but she is not a thirty year old adult.

[fundiemomnot]

Did anyone see the depressing "tribute" Sarah got from her family? It reads more like an end of year job report than a thirtieth birthday celebration. Sarah is the Maxwell's most hideous failure. If they can't manage to find Sarah a husband in this brand new made up culture they've created, what do they have to sell?

Sarah, run for your life. Get out!!!!

[xReems]

I think I had a better speech from my parents when I graduated from college in December than Sarah' b'day message from her family.

Her message sounds more like a colleague getting a promotion speech than a family who loves her. Not once do they mention "we love you for being caring" but instead talk about how helpful she is to their business.

Bravo, Maxwells, you guys have set an example on how loving parents should be to their children.

[fundiemomnot]

Exactly! Nor do they mention her age, which points to the fact that it's probably a sore point in the Maxwell family these days.

I wish I could kidnap Sarah and deprogram her. I'd love to buy her a cute outfit and introduce her to some nice, normal Christian guys.

Get her away from her too involved, creepy father.

[WonderingInWA]

I snickered when I saw one of the comment actually DID call out her age (was that someone from here?).

It's interesting that they even made a comment in the post about her potentially finding a husband. I think they know everyone is wondering why she's still living at home and that's why they had to detail all the things she does to stay busy -- you know, THAT's why she doesn't have time for marriage!

the photo of her is pretty. I do wonder just a little bit if their mention of a future husband might actually mean there is an announcement coming up. One can only hope.

Who do we suppose wrote the "tribute"? Must have been Teri or Stevie since Anna is a terrible writer.

[ceg045]

Only Headship Steve could write his daughter's birthday message with as much emotion as a goodbye speech for an office's summer intern.

[makepeace]

I'm glad so many people left messages for Sarah, especially the ones whose children have read and enjoyed her books. The Moody series is the one thing Sarah has that's HERS.

I'm glad too, it's an achievement she can be proud of.

[LurkerOverThePond]

I read this post as one of two things:

A. STFU, FreeJinger! She CHOSE to stay at home and we're OPEN to the idea of marriage.

or

B. Courtship in the works.

Oh dear God PLEASE let it be the latter :eusa-pray:

I see Teri's sister left a message too:

Happy, happy, happy birthday! I want your day to be as brilliant, beautiful, and full of smiles as the sunrise I’m seeing right now.

I do love you.

I don't know why but I find her message heart breaking :( She seems like a decent woman (no mention of sin or death) who truly wishes Sarah to fulfill her dreams away from Steve-O.

[WonderingInWA]

"Happy 30th birthday, Sarah! We wish you a year of freedom and happiness."

Someone named Emily posted the above on the blog. Totally has to be a FJer, right? Freedom isn't a word the Maxwells ever use, for sure.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

It's interesting that they even made a comment in the post about her potentially finding a husband. I think they know everyone is wondering why she's still living at home and that's why they had to detail all the things she does to stay busy -- you know, THAT's why she doesn't have time for marriage!

All of this would be even crueler if she had a Daddy-rejected courtship possibility before.

I hope they gave her a new anniversary of service pin or something. She could stick it on her chore pack like they do with the Wal-mart name tages

"Sarah M." 5-10-15-20-25-30 YEARS OF SERVICE

And, hopefully too, like in the Skit the Duggars/Keller kids did of Josh/Annas engagement: "It's her birthday, give her something special--give her lemon slice in her water"

Way to celebrate, Maxwells.

[fundiemomnot]

Steve edited my post! Surprise, surprise. I asked how old she was and he took that part off. I know he reads this blog, so I'll probably be block me, but it shows how panicked he is about his reputation. Why would he take off the question about her age? I merely said, "You didn't say what age Sarah is turning?" How is that bad?

He better get going on a husband or his business model is going to go up in smoke very, very soon.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

I think it's nice that someone (mom? dad? mary???) took time to outline all of the things she does -- they really seem to notice her hard work and I bet that felt good for her to hear....

Until the last paragraph. OUCH!

Yeah - if you think about it, she's doing the same sort of thing that working women in small business offices do all the time. She's the main secretary/business manager for the whole damn show. That's nothing to sneeze at. She maybe does less housework, but what she DOES do is a decent paying gig in a lot of places.

But at the SAME TIME, she's only ever considered a child. She can't decide anything in her own life on her own, because she's only "one of the children." It's just a bizarre cognitive dissonance thing.

As far as I know, her family gives official diplomas to the kids so they've technically gone to private schools as far as Kansas is concerned (I seem to recall that's the general system Kansas uses for homeschooling). So she's GOT a basic minimal credential. No college, but tons of people don't have college. If she were to spin her work duties as being the main secretary/business manager for a small business from the age of 19, she might have a shot at getting a regular working gig somewhere, were she to find herself escaped and out on the street alone.

Like others in the thread, I can't help but think of myself at 30. I didn't marry until 38 (and have no desire for kids - my sister had some, so we're covered, ha) but was dating my husband already when I was 30, had a regular full time adult single working life across the world from my childhood life. It's just weird even trying to compare. My parents certainly considered me a fully grown independent adult.

I feel so bad for her, and for the other SAHDs stuck at home. It's sort of an uncomfortable position for me, because wishing that they get married seems to affirm the 'you are nothing without a man' idea, but honestly, it's the best of bad options. I'm pretty sure most women would choose staying at their own home with their own children, being treated as an adult, having sex, and having some control over their lives over staying at their parents' home watching their siblings.

VERY much this too.

She was raised her entire life to be a stay at home wife and mother, and she deserves an opportunity to do it. Plus, it seems that marriage is the one surefire way out that even her controlling parents actually accept, so we can only hope that it happens. Even if Steve-O has to approve the suitor, once they're married and on their own I think there's room to move (FWIW I think Nathan's family is less out there than Steve's, for instance). But even in the actual Steve-O household as it is, Teri is considered adult and has decision making power that Sarah, as one of the "children," doesn't.

As for them being grateful that Sarah has "CHOSEN" to live at home... I just can't see it as a really independent choice. Of course she stays at home, she's been pressured to do so ever since she was a pretty small child. They've seen to it that she knows no other life, she doesn't talk to anyone who has another life.

Unlike the Amish who insist a decision be made by their young adults, but those young adults must first experience life in the real world before choosing, Steve keeps them so unaware and sheltered and gives them no personal or social skills or abilities; they have zero confidence in themselves or the world around them.

I agree that Steve-O is way more extreme than the Amish, but I don't think the Amish are truly letting their kids choose, either - they're free to experiment around with the darker sides of freedom, getting into partying and drugs and goodness knows what else half the time, but they're not given ANY sort of guidance on how to pursue a productive, NORMAL secular outside life - including how to go on to high school. The partying is looked upon as something they'll tire of, it still keeps them somewhat segregated (they mostly party with each other). But if a kid decides to go on in school (rarely happens, but sometimes it does) or attend another church while on their period away, THAT is viewed as truly threatening.

My city councilman was raised Amish and broke away (before baptism, so he's not shunned or anything) and it's that deciding to go on to school and make real relationships in the secular world with secular responsible people that was the really big deal.

Though some do leave, so yeah, absolutely it's better than ol' Steve-O.

I merely said, "You didn't say what age Sarah is turning?" How is that bad?

I think you nailed it in your own post - if he answers you or is pointedly ignoring your question, people might start to realize the bloom is off the rose (not of Sarah - of Steve-O's business model). So he just edits your post, never mind that that leaves someone's signature on something they didn't write.

That's what bugged me about their own MOTH boards too - reading through the archives and then finding complaints from posters - unlike normal restrictive message boards where they just restrict or ban entire posts until the author fixes things to the board dictator's liking, the Maxwell boards would change entire posts so the character was different and then leave the signatures on! That's just outright fraud, to me.

[LurkerOverThePond]

Steve edited my post! Why would he take off the question about her age? I merely said, "You didn't say what age Sarah is turning?" How is that bad?

When they had photos up from Chistopher & NR Anna's wedding I commented that I really liked the bridesmaids dresses (which was true) and asked if it would be possible, WITH THE COUPLE'S TOTAL APPROVAL of course, to see a few photos from Nathan & Melanie's wedding, since the Maxwells did not have a blog back then, and, I was quite curious (which I didn't tell, of course). Well, Steve (who else could it be?) edited the Nathan & Melanie part away and published just the dress part of my comment. I still cannot understand why. I totally understand and accept AND appreciate if the said couple doesn't want their wedding photos to be published but why oh why Steve couldn't just answer something like "I'm sorry but they decided to keep their photos private". I would have been totally happy with that.

That man is a real ass. Totally.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

Sadly I see in the comments some comments from other 30-ish SAHDs. Makes me wonder what their fathers are like...

[fundiemomnot]

I met Steve and Terri once and asked them how they went about finding spouses for their children. It was about eight years ago, so I didn't really know. Terri told me that they would not in any way try to look for or arrange opportunities for their kids. They would simple wait for the Lord to send the right person. A woman beside me could not believe her ears. "Nothing at all?!?!" burst out of her mouth. Terri confirmed.

Last year I had the nerve to ask Steve why he was comfortable pushing his various business ventures (ie not waiting on the Lord to send customers to his door for the books, courses etc) while at the same time assuming that a spouse would walk through the door. He didn't approve my post, but did write to me on my private email.

At first his answer was kind of rude (I think). He wrote to me, "Maybe I'm missing something, but where do you find the parents of the girl taking the initiative in finding a husband in Scripture?"

I replied, "Thanks so much for your reply. Well, not the parents, but in Ruth's case she arranged her own match with Boaz. In fact you could say her approach, directed by her mother-in-law, was quite forward.

However, it's not that I have an example of the parents of girls initiating a courtship, but that there are so few examples of how marriage was arranged (at all) that I wonder how you came up with your approach. For instance, if we go by biblical examples should we send out servants with money and jewels to approach potential mates for our sons?

I just really do wonder if you are trying a system that may not work out for your daughters. I use Sarah as an example because she is the one getting to an age where her healthiest childbearing years are behind her. At 31 when I finally had my first child I was considered to be advanced maternal age."

Steve's response,

"Ruth would be an interesting example to spend some more time with. One of the key aspects of courtship is being under the parent's authority and that is what she did. As instructed she placed herself in the path/proximity of Boaz. At that point Boaz initiated the relationship.

We are doing two things, which we don't consider them anything. That is double talk but maybe you will understand. We are very open to meet new families as we travel and in our area, but we aren't going to manipulate circumstances to make something happen. That is somewhat similar, but not to Ruth's extent. However, I've seen some where the parents have gotten involved and approached the boys family. Or they are extremely overt in getting together when not invited. We haven't felt God's leading for such a thing. And we are praying. We feel that if God can save us from hell, surely, He can provide a spouse for every child that He wants married.

It's a difficult thing to raise girls with the heart's desire to be a wife and mother, but also realize it isn't God's will that everyone gets married. We desire His best for all of our children and want to see Him work and not later have regrets and doubts about did we do it in the flesh. I think families that are aggressive in finding their daughters husbands stand the risk of having great doubts later in life if there are struggles in the marriage. We want to know that we know, God is the One that put them together. We also don't want to make a idol out of marriage. We want God's best for each one.

Also, we feel it is much different for the girl than the boy. The girl will be under her husband's authority. So this guy is going to set the direction completely for her life from then on. He better be the right one."

I thanked him and that was the last of it.

[Marian the Librarian]

In addition to everything else, Steve is a terrible writer!!

[simplysweet]

In addition to everything else, Steve is a terrible writer!!human being

There - fixed that for ya ;P

[fundiefan]

That seems to me like an awful lot of word fumbling without any point being made. No different than a bunch of 'um, ah, er, hmmm...'

The best thing he can do for his daughters is to get the fuck out of their way and let them meet people and make choices for themselves. Unfortunately for his daughters, though, that is the absolute last thing he will ever consider doing. He's far too important not to be in the middle of their every action, interaction, word and thought.

[JuJuBee]

Also, we feel it is much different for the girl than the boy. The girl will be under her husband's authority. So this guy is going to set the direction completely for her life from then on. He better be the right one."

Ugh! And this is why no one is EVER going to be good enough--for Sarah or many of the other SADHs. Because no one can lead them to the Lord as well as daddy.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

He didn't approve my post, but did write to me on my private email.

And thank you for sharing the interesting insights with us!!

As a secular person hailing from what must surely be another planet entirely from the one Steve-O lives on, I'm continually just amazed at the magical thinking of "we do nothing and just sit and hope that it all just happens" that they engage in. The idea that they sit and try to find actual examples in the Bible to imitate, with all seriousness, is just very lolwut to me.

But even more interesting to me is his comment essentially saying that if he makes any concrete moves, he'll have to take responsibility for things not working out. And then he goes on to confirm what we've all guessed already forever, that it's different for the daughters because of course he is really relinquishing control over them - the sons bring people INTO the cult by marriage, while the daughters leave it by marriage.

...which all adds up to, wow, I really feel horrid for Sarah. Her parents are committed to taking NO action on her behalf. They will not look into matchmakers or even make extra trips for her, it all just has to magically (magically!!!) happen, and they've got a whopping three gigs booked this year.

So then... what about John Marie? If they didn't specifically invite him but he has normal business in the area (there's circle farm plots in Kansas as far as I can tell from the air, so it's plausible either way) who is he aimed for? Still in play... :)

[Witsec7]

Ugh! And this is why no one is EVER going to be good enough--for Sarah or many of the other SADHs. Because no one can lead them to the Lord as well as daddy.

That really speaks to the emotional incestuous relationships these women have with their fathers.