Tomorrow (1/19) is Sarah's 30th b-day.

[fundiefan]

Have any of you read this: http://botkinsyndrome.blogspot.com/p/en ... drome.html

The first paragraph says it all, but it does go further (sadly, and almost unbelievably).

The second paragraph talks of 'covert incest'. Not sexual. But, of an adult getting emotional fulfillment from a child because the spouse isn't available. It makes my gut churn.

Teri was depressed for years, and who knows, honestly, how that manifested. Steve has taken 100% control of that family, in every way. Sara was the oldest daughter.

Reading that whole site, Steve and his control needs along with Teri and her depression, all combined with what we know of how isolated that family is and how they are the be all and end all (and only) people, relationships and experiences any of them have...

Dude, it creeps me the fuck out. Steve should be shot, Teri needs a good psychiatrist, and all the offspring need some deep, personal, intense therapy and detox.

[Deleted07]

I thought the thread was going to be about Sarah Mally, the 'Before you meet Prince Charming' writer... which actually is almost the same as the topic at hand, since as far as I know she is not married herself and is like 30 odd yet writes about meeting a husband and courting and such...

[Feberin]

I hope she will find somebody. Although some big dreams like her attending college and having normal friends are amazing they're not going to happen for her. I really doubt some guy is going to put so much effort into getting Steve to think he's a perfect fundie only to do a 180. I would think a more relaxed husband who allows her to make some similar minded friends and read something Steve might not approve of would be a step up. Perhaps they'll even be like Josh and Anna and get a TV!

[bananacat]

I actually hope she doesn't get married this year. If she gets married now, it will be on Steve's and the potential husband's terms, not hers. I honestly don't think marriage is a good first step for someone that has been controlled and brainwashed all their lives.

I would love to see her get a job, enroll in college, and walk right out the door this year. I would love to see her pursue her own interests for a while without being tied down to a man or children. She needs time to figure out who she is.

If she marries now she will just be switching prisons and wardens. Steve will see to that.

Yeah, this is what I was thinking. Marriage won't give her a life of her own. Instead of living for Daddy she'll just be living for Husby. It's more of a lateral move than a step up. However, even within the framework of the Patriarchy, women can still be treated worse in some situations than in others. So marriage and children would at least give her more social status than single women, which is probably the best she can ever hope for within that lifestyle. There's also a chance that a husband would be slightly less of and ass than Steve, although I think there's an equal chance that he'd be even worse.

[emmiedahl]

Sarah definitely acts more like a sister-wife than a daughter in that house. Steve, get over your incestuous weirdness and find that girl a life to replace the one you stole from her.

[flojo]

I initially thought this thread was about Sarah Malley...

I agree John-Marie is for Anna. Sarah makes Steve money.

It's ok for him to be an expert and have one spinster daughter, but not all. I suspect he's done an 'oh shit' re:Sarah, given up, an d decided to marry off the younger offspring to keep the money and prestige coming. (in a small, tiny fundie way)

[browngrl]

I find Sarah M sad. Her world is so small and I doubt it will get bigger. I hope for her sake I am wrong.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

I really doubt some guy is going to put so much effort into getting Steve to think he's a perfect fundie only to do a 180. I would think a more relaxed husband who allows her to make some similar minded friends and read something Steve might not approve of would be a step up. Perhaps they'll even be like Josh and Anna and get a TV!

Agreed. If the guy just does a 60, heck, that'd be worlds better than what she has now.

I mean, if NOTHING else, in the new household she sets up, she will be an adult. One of two (even if the subservient one) who sets the rules. Not a kid.

And just imagine, yeah, to be able to read NEW BOOKS. Bland as they might be, Sarah writes books. She has to wonder what other writers are like.

That's the part that shocks me the most about the Maxwell life - I can do monastic, I can do schedules, I can do housework. But to not be allowed to READ freely? That's death on earth. No. Just... No.

[countressrascal]

Nope she will never marry because she designated as the daughter to stay at home to take care of her parents and anyone else who needs it. Every fundie family's that I know have one. I have not figured out who in the Bates and Duggar family is that person.

[divadivine]

Nope she will never marry because she designated as the daughter to stay at home to take care of her parents and anyone else who needs it. Every fundie family's that I know have one. I have not figured out who in the Bates and Duggar family is that person.

Michaela and Jill.... if I had to place bets.

[Marian the Librarian]

Nope she will never marry because she designated as the daughter to stay at home to take care of her parents and anyone else who needs it. Every fundie family's that I know have one. I have not figured out who in the Bates and Duggar family is that person.

I read, somewhere, that this phenomenon also occurs in large Italian Catholic families. The designated-spinster daughter is known as "The Sacrifice."

[QueenMother]

I so want Sarah to be courted and married this year, and pregnant by the end of the year. This is what she wants, and I want her to be happy.

I wonder if the visiting friends have a friend to introduce her to? She did get a hair cut recently.

I cann't understand why Sarah has a serger, as she does not like to sew and happily passes sewing projects to Anna and Mary. Mary really is very very good and made most of the bridesmaid dresses for Christopher's wedding (Anna made her own).

[Guest Anonymous]

I thought it was odd that both Sarah and ReversalAnna own their own sergers. Nice high end ones too -those models cost three times my own new serger. I thought maybe they are the girls' Hope Chest items, handy for running up baby and toddler clothes, if that day ever comes.

[LurkerOverThePond]

I so want Sarah to be courted and married this year, and pregnant by the end of the year. This is what she wants, and I want her to be happy.

Since you know the Maxwells personally, do you know if there has been any possible husband candidates foe Sarah during the past years? I might be wrong but I remember someone wrote there had been some but Sarah did not like them.

[Esther]

I too have been wondering if Sarah M. is gonna turn out to be the designated SAHD-for-life. On the one hand, it would make sense, but on the other hand - and this is superficial - I do think she is by far the most beautiful of the girls. She's really a pretty attractive woman and in a world where no female is ever allowed to really develop her own interests and personality all that well, wouldn't that count for anything? I don't know. I guess I kind of want her to be happy, even if it's in the only way she knows - by being a wife for once instead of a child.

[Witsec7]

I read, somewhere, that this phenomenon also occurs in large Italian Catholic families. The designated-spinster daughter is known as "The Sacrifice."

This also happens in some Polish families as well. I had two older brothers, I was expected to go to college become a teacher, return to work at a school a block away from my parents and live at home. In larger Polish families (and some Russian ones in my town) it was quite common, not the education part, but the staying at home. Needless to say I fled as soon as I graduated HS.

[MerryHappy]

I read, somewhere, that this phenomenon also occurs in large Italian Catholic families. The designated-spinster daughter is known as "The Sacrifice."

Do you know where I can read up more on this? I Googlefu-ed it and it did not bring up very much beyond this thread.

[Witsec7]

Google gender roles of stay at home daughters in Italian culture.

[MerryHappy]

Thank you!

[Marian the Librarian]

Thanks, experiencedd!

Merry Happy - I wish I could remember the name of the book (or was it an article??), but it was years ago, and not being able to remember titles/authors is sometimes a professional hazard for me. :oops:

[Hane]

I've seen the "sacrificed" role in many families of recent European descent. Often there was a SAHD to be a widowed mom's live-in maid, plus a SAH-son with a job to support his mom and sister financially.

The SAH-son role happened to my poor bachelor Uncle Buddy. He was a sweet and generous man, rather shy, and quite heavy. He fell in love a couple of times, and, each time, his controlling mother, with the help of a couple of his sisters, peer-pressured him out of the relationships.

After his mother died, he lived on his own for the rest of his life, but had his brothers and non-bitch sister to take care of him.

[Daenerys]

Michaela and Jill.... if I had to place bets.

I agree about Michaella but I think it's Jana for the Duggars... the others all have too much spirit and personality. Jana is completely crushed and submissive, whilst Jill is their 'poster-girl' for fake college and seems to be more spunky and happy.

So ironic that I found this thread whilst writing an essay on Como Agua Para Chocolate

[Feberin]

I agree about Michaella but I think it's Jana for the Duggars... the others all have too much spirit and personality. Jana is completely crushed and submissive, whilst Jill is their 'poster-girl' for fake college and seems to be more spunky and happy.

So ironic that I found this thread whilst writing an essay on Como Agua Para Chocolate

I wonder if it would be one of the younger ones. Especially if Jennifer, Jordyn or Josie end up being slow but still able to cook, clean and do basic care for aging parents. I think Jimbob will have an easier time marrying off the older girls while they still have fame and money. Also Jimbob and Michelle aren't old yet and there are younger girls still at home. I don't think Jessa, Jinger, Joy or Johanna are canidates at all though because they're too spunky or self centered in Jessa's case.

[synchroswimr]

Last night, I had a dream about Sarah Maxwell getting married. She and her intended had published a little book about it and somehow mailed it to folks here at FJ, then announced it on a live video feed.

After that, the dream proceeded to get really weird.

[Phyllis Stein]

My grandmother, born around 1900, was designated at the family caretaker for her family of 12. She was taken out of school after the 7th grade. She was Irish/German.