Tomorrow (1/19) is Sarah's 30th b-day.

[vicka]

They could do what they did at home: run households. They would be sheltered, paid, fed, etc. They are incredible help to any family, and they would be appreciated, unlike at home where they are taken for granted. I would very much like the idea of having a former fundy girl living in my household, if I was in tht situation. They know how to take care of kiddies and babies, and they can run the household. Ideal help. Many people are desperate to find good help and they cannot! At most places people pay a lot of money for help like that. And, the live-in maids are treated like family, not like doormats, slaves or less preferred gender virgins who have to earn each bowl of ramen noodle they consume.

that would be so awesome!

a fundy au pair program! Like any aupair she could help with running the household and taking care of the kids and in return attend college to learn the profession of her choice. how awesome would this be!

Sarah! come live with us! we have a wonderful college 10 minute walk from our house and you would be treated like a valuable family member here. There are tons of churches in Brooklyn too :)

[WonderingInWA]

I was one of those who was single and sad at 30. All I could see in my future was work and duty. My spent my 30th birthday calculating out how many more weekends I would spend alone before I died (should I live to the average age). Here is where Sarah and I seem to part. After this grim birthday - I arranged to meet a therapist. My counsellor helped me have a clearer and more realistic view of my life and I was able to see all the good things around me. Most importantly I was able to see that I was not a victim and that I had choices. I went on a diet. Exercised. Bought myself a new car and a great vacation. I never liked bars and pubs but I did go out to the theatre, and concerts and to dinners out with friends and family. By 32 I was married to Mr. Browngirl and living the life I always wanted. If Sarah reads here I would say to her: you are not a victim. You have choices.

How long ago was it that you went through your change of attitude (for lack of a better way to describe it)? I am only curious due to my own life circumstances at the moment and hope that I can make some changes that truly turn my own life around.

[kamcho_papio]

I can't answer for browngrl, but in my late 20s, I resolved several issues all at once by recognizing the problem itself (whatever that might be) isn't actually a barrier to life unless I let it be. I'm definitely XL-shaped, but I started wearing a bathing suit in public anyway (well, at the beach and the pool, not at Target or anything), I flirted like crazy, believing I was attractive and desirable, and started making plans assuming I would wake up in the morning every day for the next several decades. I can't really explain it, other than I just woke up and stopped worrying about what might or might not happen, and instead planned for what I actually had control of. I still struggle with ideal v. real sometimes, but I forgave myself for being a worrywart who was too cautious all the time. Things got better pretty quickly, but I still have to do things like stop apologzing to inanimate objects.

As I typed this out, I realized that everything I did, Sarah doesn't really have control over.

[1004srs]

I got married at 34, had our first child at 35, second child at 37, divorced at 38. But, I already had been in the Air Force for 4 years, was getting ready to retire from the Air National Guard, had a career and a Master's degree.

Getting married that late in life after being free and single for my entire adult life would not be recommended. I found out that I am selfish with my time and energy. After working all day and taking care of the house & kids, the last thing I want to do is be someone's helpmeet/quiverfiller. I want to have a glass of wine, take a bath and go to bed.

But, I guess she's being raised to be a quiverfiller, so she doesn't have the same issues.

[browngrl]

How long ago was it that you went through your change of attitude (for lack of a better way to describe it)? I am only curious due to my own life circumstances at the moment and hope that I can make some changes that truly turn my own life around.

It's been awhile - 14 years. The process was not a uniform path - there were lots of stops and starts and to this day I find I have to work at it. It was also a challenge for people around me to realize I had changed and that this was not something transient (some relationships were strengthened and others fell by the wayside and were replaced with new friendships). I would say to you: Don't get discouraged if things don't work out right away or if you have setbacks. Change takes time and courage!

[deborahlynn1979]

I was also single on my 30th. I had ended a long-term relationship earlier that year and decided that I was going to have a good time no matter what, so I threw myself a party. All of my close friends and coworkers came and I felt very, very loved that day. Can you imagine Sarah doing that? Who would she invite?

Met my future spouse on OK Cupid three months after my 30th birthday and we got married 1.5 years later (last April). Happy days!