Erin and Chad 3: Welcoming Baby Everly

[HurricaneBells]

19 hours ago, kmachete14 said:

In regards to confession . . . I was a very active, ahem, self-pleasur-ure as a child. I knew it was wrong because it was something secretive and "sexy." So, I was always TERRIFIED of confession. I imagined everyone else saying something like "I hit my brother" and then there was me the deviant. Even in high school, since I went to a Catholic school, I had only ever heard of boys doing it (look up Jason and Crystalina Evert -- the run a disturbing business that targets Catholic high schools, which in its 2008ish days did not recognize masturbation/porn as anything other than a boy's problem). I could never bring myself to tell the priest because I thought he would think I was a freak. I would say something lame about acting "unchaste." It wasn't until I was an upperclassman and had some really good, non-sheltered best friends that I ever told anyone. I no longer believe in god and to this day I think that early traumatization of having so much guilt and thinking I was a freak/had an addiction/was from age 8-16 just constantly sinning really started me on the path to leaving religion! 

I am an atheist i suppose, dont care for labels though. I have enjoyed reading all your stories and about your experiences. i like to see how the rest of the world live and am mostly non judgemental (dads side are JW's and some of their crap is hard to swallow!). I have a question given my total lack of knowledge.... God built us this way right? He intended for sex to be pleasurable and we came with all the right parts. Why on earth is it so frowned upon to masturbate - its kind of like a prelude and the guilt and trauma that seems to come with this,  how does that help you to have that pleasure with your partner in your adult life if you have been taught the pleasure is a sin? I guess what I am asking is WHY is it a sin. I have never had reason to question it but now I am curious... what is so bad about it? And sorry here you all were having a nice conversation and i want to know why wanking is a sin LOL. My bad

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, HurricaneBells said:

I am an atheist i suppose, dont care for labels though. I have enjoyed reading all your stories and about your experiences. i like to see how the rest of the world live and am mostly non judgemental (dads side are JW's and some of their crap is hard to swallow!). I have a question given my total lack of knowledge.... God built us this way right? He intended for sex to be pleasurable and we came with all the right parts. Why on earth is it so frowned upon to masturbate - its kind of like a prelude and the guilt and trauma that seems to come with this,  how does that help you to have that pleasure with your partner in your adult life if you have been taught the pleasure is a sin? I guess what I am asking is WHY is it a sin. I have never had reason to question it but now I am curious... what is so bad about it? And sorry here you all were having a nice conversation and i want to know why wanking is a sin LOL. My bad

I doubt all Christians believe this, but there are Christians who point to a passage of the Bible concerning a man named Onan. In his time and culture, a man was expected to marry his brother’s widow to ensure she had protection or something like that. The problem was, any children the man had with his widowed SIL/new wife would be viewed as the offspring of his brother, not him. I don’t know why or how that worked exactly, but Onan wasn’t happy about that. When he had sex with his widowed SIL/new wife (Tamar) he purposely pulled out and “spilled his seed” on the ground rather than risk impregnating her. God struck him dead as a result.

Some Christians took this passage to mean that any form of preventing pregnancy, including masturbation, is a sin. That’s a perversion of the passage though because Onan was killed for not obeying God’s command, not simply because he wasted his seed. Had God ordered him to do something else and he had disobeyed he would have received equal or similar punishment.

I’m not sure how that corresponds with female masturbation. I’m assuming they just don’t want females to have any fun prior to marriage because purity or something stupid like that.

[kmachete14]

Honestly the Onan thing was never taught in religion class as the reason why, it was more just that God thinks sexual pleasure shouldn't be divorced from marriage and being open to life (aka sex with no birth control) while having sexual pleasure is god's plan.  Also, I think it was said that we would be selfish lovers if we masturbated and that usually people can't masturbate without lusting/objectifying. And, let me be clear again, the year I learned this (as a sophomore in 2009) female masturbation was not even mentioned. Check out this book called "Real Love" that we had to read (it was so tone deaf: "oral sex? just don't do it! trust us!") and the Everts if you want a horror show. 

[mollysmom]

5 hours ago, HurricaneBells said:

I am an atheist i suppose, dont care for labels though. I have enjoyed reading all your stories and about your experiences. i like to see how the rest of the world live and am mostly non judgemental (dads side are JW's and some of their crap is hard to swallow!). I have a question given my total lack of knowledge.... God built us this way right? He intended for sex to be pleasurable and we came with all the right parts. Why on earth is it so frowned upon to masturbate - its kind of like a prelude and the guilt and trauma that seems to come with this,  how does that help you to have that pleasure with your partner in your adult life if you have been taught the pleasure is a sin? I guess what I am asking is WHY is it a sin. I have never had reason to question it but now I am curious... what is so bad about it? And sorry here you all were having a nice conversation and i want to know why wanking is a sin LOL. My bad

I don't remember how they justified it to be honest but I know, growing up and even in college, they taught that masturbation was a sin because you were having sex with yourself so it made you a lesbian (or homosexual) that's what I've always been taught. Didn't stop me!!! I still do it to this day! I have a very healthy appetite (for lack of a better word) and right now I'm single so I do what I gotta do!!! 

[HurricaneBells]

Just now, mollysmom said:

I don't remember how they justified it to be honest but I know, growing up and even in college, they taught that masturbation was a sin because you were having sex with yourself so it made you a lesbian (or homosexual) that's what I've always been taught. Didn't stop me!!! I still do it to this day! I have a very healthy appetite (for lack of a better word) and right now I'm single so I do what I gotta do!!! 

Thanks for the answers guys! I really like being able to ask dumb questions like this without laughter or judgement. I heart FJ! And girl, ditto and I have a partner! You do whatever makes you happy doll!

[neurogirl]

The bow can be discussed but I'm more focused on the GIANT PIG and how I can get one. (Thomas and Dakota Paine's daughter, Mailey Ray, can be seen publicly)

 

[VelociRapture]

18 minutes ago, neurogirl said:

The bow can be discussed but I'm more focused on the GIANT PIG and how I can get one. (Thomas and Dakota Paine's daughter, Mailey Ray, can be seen publicly)

 

I’m just sitting here laughing that her first and middle names are one letter off from Miley Ray Cyrus’.  

[JillyO]

26 minutes ago, neurogirl said:

The bow can be discussed but I'm more focused on the GIANT PIG and how I can get one. (Thomas and Dakota Paine's daughter, Mailey Ray, can be seen publicly)

 

I legit didn't even notice the baby there for a solid 5 seconds.

[candygirl200413]

I just truly appreciate everyone having completely separate takes from this one photograph 

[TeaELSee]

What’s up with the disco lighting?

[miss_batson]

Carson turns three! Kelly's congratulation message. 

 

[mollysmom]

He is a super cute kid!

[Carm_88]

Wow Carson is three already, how time does fly! He's absolutely adorable! 

[neurogirl]

Erin's note. I feel a little weird about Carson being one of Erin's "best friends" when he's 3, but maybe that's just me?? Both Chad and Erin have discussed how Carson is into bugs and other nature. Hopefully his curiosity remains. 

 

[habert]

Do we know if Erin and Chad still have their dog and goats? I don’t really follow the show very much, but I realized today we haven’t seen or heard about them from Instagram at least in awhile

[Melissa1977]

@neurogirl just my thoughts. A 3 year old cannot be an adult best friend. It's beyond ridiculous. I mean, I feel very close to my children, but they are children, I'm not relying on them as I rely on a friend (talking about adult issues, asking for advice etc). 

Saying your 3 year old son is your best friend is putting a lot of pressure in him. Is forcing him to be always ready to help mama, to make her happy, to avoid being naughty not only because these are the rules but because you must fulfill the golden child role.

Maybe I'm reading too much but I think that Erin calling him best friend is:

-naïf, as if she was a little girl indeed

-playing favourites with a kid that has 2 sisters who'll never reach his level

I don't know which option is the real one. But both are unhealthy.

 

[BeccaGrim]

I found it very odd. I don't call my 12 year old my best friend, nor my 10 year old, nor my 8 year old.  I don't think kids should be their parents' best friends until they're older. 

[VelociRapture]

8 hours ago, habert said:

Do we know if Erin and Chad still have their dog and goats? I don’t really follow the show very much, but I realized today we haven’t seen or heard about them from Instagram at least in awhile

They’re mentioned in Erin’s birthday post to Carson. @neurogirlactually shared that post in the comment directly before your’s. Lol!

The dog is Max and the goats are, I believe, Bubba and Sissy. ZachNey appear to still have their beagle, Boomer, as well.

17 hours ago, neurogirl said:

Erin's note. I feel a little weird about Carson being one of Erin's "best friends" when he's 3, but maybe that's just me?? Both Chad and Erin have discussed how Carson is into bugs and other nature. Hopefully his curiosity remains. 

 

I think it really depends on the people and family. I’m hesitant to pass judgement for that reason - though I am curious to see what Brooklyn and Everly’s birthday posts will look like in the next year and how they’ll compare to Carson’s.

For me personally, my daughter is my little buddy, but she’s not my best friend. My husband* and our dog are my best friends.  I can’t be best friends with my daughter at this point because she’s a toddler - she needs me to be her parent,  the person who keeps her safe and teaches her right from wrong, not her friend. We still have a ton of fun together and she’s my favorite person in the world, but I don’t think we’ll be able to attain a friend type of relationship until she’s an adult (and even then I’ll still be her mom first.)

*I know that can be a topic of disagreement as well. Husband and I were together eight years prior to marriage though and this fall will be 11 years since we started dating. We've known each other a pretty long time now and have been through a lot together, so it’s not like a fundie proclaiming their new spouse they’ve known all of two seconds to be their best friend when they barely know each other.

[habert]

19 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

They’re mentioned in Erin’s birthday post to Carson. @neurogirlactually shared that post in the comment directly before your’s. Lol!

The dog is Max and the goats are, I believe, Bubba and Sissy. ZachNey appear to still have their beagle, Boomer, as well.

Doh!

Well I’m glad then, actually!! It always makes me nervous when these families with young children adopt animals

[HermioneSparrow]

I found it odd too, mainly because he's three. He's still a baby to me. I do think it's okay when you're an adult, my mom is totally my best friend! Although she says she's my mom first and there's some boundaries we can't never ever cross.

[nickelodeon]

Isn't Kelly all about her teen daughters being her "girl friends" and stuff? Erin probably picked up that turn of phrase from her mom.

[Carm_88]

It's interesting turn of phrase, that's for sure. I don't think that I would want to be my Mom's best friend, even as an adult. She's certainly not mine. It will be interesting to see how Brooklyn's birthday post is, Erin seems to be much less attached to her. However, she may be a best friend too. It's hard to say.

[nastyhobbitses]

On 5/16/2018 at 6:13 AM, Melissa1977 said:

@neurogirl just my thoughts. A 3 year old cannot be an adult best friend. It's beyond ridiculous. I mean, I feel very close to my children, but they are children, I'm not relying on them as I rely on a friend (talking about adult issues, asking for advice etc). 

Saying your 3 year old son is your best friend is putting a lot of pressure in him. Is forcing him to be always ready to help mama, to make her happy, to avoid being naughty not only because these are the rules but because you must fulfill the golden child role.

Maybe I'm reading too much but I think that Erin calling him best friend is:

-naïf, as if she was a little girl indeed

-playing favourites with a kid that has 2 sisters who'll never reach his level

I don't know which option is the real one. But both are unhealthy.

 

I'm wondering how much of the favoritism/"best friend" thing is because he was the one that "stuck" after what was obviously a very traumatic miscarriage. My cousin was very premature and the first few months of his life were quite touch-and-go (he went into cardiac arrest shortly after birth, among a host of other issues...he's now a 6'3'' varsity athlete about to graduate high school now, so all's well that ends well), and my aunt was sometimes kinda weird in her relationship with him. Nothing inappropriate or over the line, but just kinda...letting him get away with a lot of bad behavior, occasionally trying to be his friend rather than his parent, that kinda thing. Very similar to Erin. She sorted it out (and was and is an awesome mom to him), and we've talked as a family about how a lot of the weirdness was a reaction to her fear and then immense relief when her much-longed-for baby beat the odds and lived. 

I wish Erin had the resources and understanding of mental health that my aunt did when she was going through all this. I think she is a wonderful mother and she clearly adores her children, but I think she needs to work out some issues in how she thinks of and relates to Carson. For Carson's sake, for her sake, and for Everly and Brooklyn's sake. 

[mango_fandango]

I get the impression that maybe Erin is trying to show that she’s close to Carson, and used awkward phrasing. She probably knows that fundie moms can have a reputation for not being close to her kids so she’s trying to show that she is, just phrased it weirdly.

[Hisey]

I think that Carson has the sort of personality (gentle, sweet) that appeals to Erin, and that she indeed thinks of him as a "friend." Brooklyn seems more contrary. Carson also doesn't look like a little boy who gets into a lot of trouble, he probably doesn't need a lot of discipline, so it's easier to maintain the illusion that he is a  "friend." In return, Carson probably does try to please mommy, he seems like a loving, sensitive child. I also remember Chad saying something about how "Carson takes care of his mommy."  It appears that even dad promotes and fosters Carson's inappropriate role of Erin's friend and caretaker.

It's also good to remember that Erin is really uneducated. She did not go to college AND she had a very inadequate high school education. She probably doesn't even KNOW that it's wrong to call your toddler your "friend." She probably has no idea of the pressure this puts a little boy under. I doubt she knows about parentifying children--hell, her mother parentified her by expecting her to watch her younger siblings when she was  only a child herself.