Erin and Chad 3: Welcoming Baby Everly

[nastyhobbitses]

8 hours ago, Hisey said:

I think that Carson has the sort of personality (gentle, sweet) that appeals to Erin, and that she indeed thinks of him as a "friend." Brooklyn seems more contrary. Carson also doesn't look like a little boy who gets into a lot of trouble, he probably doesn't need a lot of discipline, so it's easier to maintain the illusion that he is a  "friend." In return, Carson probably does try to please mommy, he seems like a loving, sensitive child. I also remember Chad saying something about how "Carson takes care of his mommy."  It appears that even dad promotes and fosters Carson's inappropriate role of Erin's friend and caretaker.

It's also good to remember that Erin is really uneducated. She did not go to college AND she had a very inadequate high school education. She probably doesn't even KNOW that it's wrong to call your toddler your "friend." She probably has no idea of the pressure this puts a little boy under. I doubt she knows about parentifying children--hell, her mother parentified her by expecting her to watch her younger siblings when she was  only a child herself.

I feel like the parentifying of (firstborn) sons is pretty common among fundamentalist mothers. Zsu and JRod's relationships with their oldest sons come to mind. 

[AliceInFundyland]

I hope she remembers this love and friendship if Carson ever decides he likes dresses, or boys. She seems so loving.

[Coconut Flan]

Erin did graduate from Crown College.  I have to agree that doesn't make her educated overall though.

[HarleyQuinn]

All I can think of now when I see Carson is how much Erin favors him over the other two. Calling him a "best friend" is awkward. You're his mom, be his mom. 

[Hisey]

1 hour ago, Coconut Flan said:

Erin did graduate from Crown College.  I have to agree that doesn't make her educated overall though.

Oh, right! I forgot. Still not educated in any real sense other than the Bible and piano, IMO.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I think Everly has taken Davia’s place as the fundie baby with the best angry expressions.

[HermioneSparrow]

4 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I think Everly has taken Davia’s place as the fundie baby with the best angry expressions.

That's Zoey though, Alyssa is holding Everly and Erin is holding Zoey.

[singsingsing]

I know this joke gets made all the time, but they truly do both look like they just realized they were born into the Bates family, and everything that entails. 

[Carm_88]

Both Alyssa and Erin look so much like Kelly! 

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, HermioneSparrow said:

That's Zoey though, Alyssa is holding Everly and Erin is holding Zoey.

They switched babies on me! Her face is priceless though. She looks like she’s ready to cut a bitch.

[Kangaroo]

28 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

They switched babies on me! Her face is priceless though. She looks like she’s ready to cut a bitch.

Oh this is messing with my head now. I as about to say how much Zoey looked like Allie Jane (who in turn, looks like a young Erin). I'm so confused which baby is which now.

[Seculardaisy]

On 5/23/2018 at 12:49 PM, HarleyQuinn said:

All I can think of now when I see Carson is how much Erin favors him over the other two. Calling him a "best friend" is awkward. You're his mom, be his mom. 

I tell my kids we are best friends all the time.  They’re kids, of course I still mother them and lay down the law but I love them so much and calling them my best friends is really just an expression.

I think it’s strange that this is such a hot topic of conversation. I know I’ve seen Facebook friends and my family members say the same thing to their kids as well. At the end of the day it’s not like I’m really sitting my kids down and saying “oh my god bestie, this *insert inappropriate thing* happened today. What should I do?!”

[JermajestyDuggar]

I think it’s because some people have seen what can happen when you are actual best friends with your underage children. For some reason, I had a few friends growing up that had “bestie moms.” It was completely inappropriate most of the time and it harmed my friends. When I hear Michael say she is best friends with her mom, I believe it. Because she forced Michael to be her co-parent at a very young age. 

[Timetraveler]

I think Everly kinda looks like Carson when he was a baby. My guess is she will also look like Erin.

[Tim-Tom Biblethumper]

20 hours ago, Seculardaisy said:

I think it’s strange that this is such a hot topic of conversation. I know I’ve seen Facebook friends and my family members say the same thing to their kids as well.

I think maybe it's more the issue of singling Carson out as her "best friend" and how that will make her other kids feel. 

[Carm_88]

On 5/25/2018 at 9:05 AM, Seculardaisy said:

I think it’s strange that this is such a hot topic of conversation. I know I’ve seen Facebook friends and my family members say the same thing to their kids as well. 

I think it's because many people who say that their children are their best friends, don't parent them. The child is parenting themselves. Plus, I don't think adults and kids can be best friends. Mostly because they're not on the same level mentally. Plus, it's not really friendship is it? It's the love between parent and child. You're going to do things for your child that you will never do for your friends, and you will have moments with your friends that you will never have with your child. It's a deeper relationship that goes beyond friendship. Can it turn into a sort of friendship? Yes, when the child is an adult, it can change and become more of a friendship, but it's still more. 

[Seculardaisy]

2 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

I think it's because many people who say that their children are their best friends, don't parent them. The child is parenting themselves. Plus, I don't think adults and kids can be best friends. Mostly because they're not on the same level mentally. Plus, it's not really friendship is it? It's the love between parent and child. You're going to do things for your child that you will never do for your friends, and you will have moments with your friends that you will never have with your child. It's a deeper relationship that goes beyond friendship. Can it turn into a sort of friendship? Yes, when the child is an adult, it can change and become more of a friendship, but it's still more. 

Eh, it still seems silly to me. I highly doubt at 3 years old Erin or anyone else actually uses “best friend” literally, or treats their children as equals. Plus we all know Carson is lucky enough that he will never be a mini-parent because he is a male.

I totally get the “some people use best friends as a way to not parent” but I don’t believe that truly applies across the board. 

[Natalie22]

2 hours ago, Seculardaisy said:

Eh, it still seems silly to me. I highly doubt at 3 years old Erin or anyone else actually uses “best friend” literally, or treats their children as equals. Plus we all know Carson is lucky enough that he will never be a mini-parent because he is a male.

 I totally get the “some people use best friends as a way to not parent” but I don’t believe that truly applies across the board. 

But people actually do.  That's the issue with that language.  And it's quite common to see parentified children do the same to their children.  Also, the eldest child is usually at the highest risk for that.  While often time it becomes the eldest girl, if Brooklynn is very spunky and not super easy but Carson is, that increases the chances that Carson will become parentified, which can cause a host of mental issues with children.  It is extremely unhealthy to do something like this because children do not have the maturity to deal with the issues that the parent asks them to.

[Seculardaisy]

1 hour ago, Natalie22 said:

But people actually do.  That's the issue with that language.  And it's quite common to see parentified children do the same to their children.  Also, the eldest child is usually at the highest risk for that.  While often time it becomes the eldest girl, if Brooklynn is very spunky and not super easy but Carson is, that increases the chances that Carson will become parentified, which can cause a host of mental issues with children.  It is extremely unhealthy to do something like this because children do not have the maturity to deal with the issues that the parent asks them to.

To be clear. I’m not arguing that it’s unhealthy to parentify children. That is clearly very unhealthy and damaging to children.

I don’t even think Erin, using it is proof that she has parentified or will parentify Carson. I agree it could make the other kids feel left out, so that sucks. Hopefully she uses the expression of “best friend” with all of the children.

I have seen multiple posts on here that imply that, to use the term “best friend” with your kids means you are treating them as equals and not parenting them. And I am saying that while it may be true in some cases, I don’t think it’s true for the majority and it’s not a perfect identifier that somebody isn’t parenting their kids appropriately.

I am offering my own self as an example that, some of us parents simply use it as an expression of extreme love and friendliness with our kids and don’t put much weight into it. I have used it with each of my kids and not one of them thinks for a second that they are my equal or that I won’t lay down the necessary guidelines and follow through with them. I know several people that do and say the same. Of course it’s just antecdotal evidence, but I don’t see anybody offering any proof that simply telling your kid they’re your best friend is harmful. 

[Seculardaisy]

Major kudos to Erin for letting Carson play with a purse AND carry it in public. Honestly, I’m actually impressed by this because by fundie standards it’s pretty big. She even called it “his purse” in the video.

 

[Dominionatrix]

10 hours ago, Seculardaisy said:

Major kudos to Erin for letting Carson play with a purse AND carry it in public. Honestly, I’m actually impressed by this because by fundie standards it’s pretty big. She even called it “his purse” in the video.

 

Unfortunately, I have a hard time imagining this won't prompt a talking-to from one or both of their fathers, and likely some not-so-subtle scandalized ribbing from Erin's siblings.

[miss_batson]

Sunday in Paine's house.

[Tangy Bee]

I think they will need a bigger house soon.

[Granwych]

On ‎5‎/‎25‎/‎2018 at 7:35 AM, Seculardaisy said:

I tell my kids we are best friends all the time.  They’re kids, of course I still mother them and lay down the law but I love them so much and calling them my best friends is really just an expression.

I think it’s strange that this is such a hot topic of conversation. I know I’ve seen Facebook friends and my family members say the same thing to their kids as well. At the end of the day it’s not like I’m really sitting my kids down and saying “oh my god bestie, this *insert inappropriate thing* happened today. What should I do?!”

I grew up with my mother telling me I was her best friend, her psychiatrist, etc. etc.  I really needed a mother, dammit, not a whining, spineless excuse of a parent, and I pay for that daily.

[JermajestyDuggar]

2 hours ago, Tangy Bee said:

I think they will need a bigger house soon.

Winter is most like when they need it the most. When you are trapped indoors for what seems like months. When the weather is nice, they have plenty of space outside for the children. But I imagine this winter will be hard with three young children stuck in the house and all sleeping in one room. She might take them to her parents’ house a lot to escape.