Bontragers/Bowers/Helferichs 13: In the Middle of Jesus’ First Relationship

[anjulibai]

That honeymoon cannot have been cheap. To leave so early, man that's a huge waste. 

That they'd be willing to waste such money to leave early says a lot about how badly it was going. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

51 minutes ago, anjulibai said:

That honeymoon cannot have been cheap. To leave so early, man that's a huge waste. 

That they'd be willing to waste such money to leave early says a lot about how badly it was going. 

Or that she’s young and over privileged and doesn’t care she wasted her parents’ money. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Sorry I can’t help but see so many fundie women turning out 2 ways when they become adults: The first are the fundie women who grew up being sister moms who got used to being perpetually exhausted and just became fundie wives in the same situation as a wife. And the second is the fundie princess. Who was raised sheltered, isolated, and thinking she’s better and more special than everyone else because god. Examples are Braggie and Jill Rod. I wouldn’t be surprised if Haley is a fundie princess. Just a guess. 

[GreenBeans]

44 minutes ago, postscript said:

I had a similar thought - maybe the honeymoon wasn’t Pearl-level awful, but suddenly being alone with a member of the opposite sex and/or the physical side of marriage was shocking to one or both. For all these couples claim being married is the bestest thing ever, it’s got to be a difficult adjustment for many of them.

They go from living with their parents to moving in and having sex with basically a stranger within a day. No wonder it’s scary and awkward.

[Giraffe]

8 hours ago, GreenBeans said:

They go from living with their parents to moving in and having sex with basically a stranger within a day. No wonder it’s scary and awkward.

This is the saddest part. They make it sound as though there's a switch that will turn on at their wedding. How devastating, scary, and utterly bewildering it must be when their* honeymoon ends up being a scary "vacation" with a stranger, instead!

*General their, not specifically to this particular couple. 

[HereticHick]

On 5/3/2024 at 3:47 PM, browngrl said:

I hope that the reason that Carver and his bride ended their honeymoon early is because they got bored or homesick at the resort but I worry there were shades of a Debi Pearl honeymoon sort of experience. I'm probably overthinking things but if someone is leaving their honeymoon early how can this not bode poorly for the marriage? 

Exactly-- and Haley ran back to her family at the plantation--she and Carver are staying in the guest house. They don't appear to have a home of their own yet, since they plan to be on a missioncation for several months (Don't know how Haley will handle that since she couldn't stick it out for 2 weeks on her honeymoon). 

The Pauls just bought a "tiny house" and moved it to their property--they say its going to be a rental but I wonder if in actuality its going to be Carver and Haley's home.

I have no idea what Carver does for a living, other than recording songs & occasionally performing. I predict Haley will start doing an MLM, or trying to be an influencer, soon.

Her mom sells Plexus: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amy-paul-6048191a3/

[JermajestyDuggar]

I’m guessing Haley has no idea how to be a godly wife. I bet she couldn’t run her own home. She couldn’t handle cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. they are just kids playing house. 

[HereticHick]

19 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I’m guessing Haley has no idea how to be a godly wife. adult I bet she couldn’t run her own home. She couldn’t handle cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. they are just kids playing house. 

FTFY

[JermajestyDuggar]

Haley says they left early in order to surprise her mom for her birthday. I say it’s because she couldn’t stand to be away from her family that long. I don’t see a future in missionary work unless it’s in Florida. Maybe she will try to convert the gators. 

[Giraffe]

14 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Haley says they left early in order to surprise her mom for her birthday. I say it’s because she couldn’t stand to be away from her family that long. I don’t see a future in missionary work unless it’s in Florida. Maybe she will try to convert the gators. 

If this were any other vacation I probably wouldn't think anything of it. But seriously? You left your honeymoon a week early! I'm not thinking anything other than that's a red flag for who knows what but that's not normal. My guess is one or both got homesick and suggested they surprise the mom/mil and the other went along with it. Maybe I'm being ridiculous digging my heels in but I've literally never heard of anyone in a healthy relationship leaving their honeymoon a week early when there weren't extenuating circumstances (as in: there's a hurricane moving in so you need to leave NOW. Not, golly let's surprise Mom).

Edited May 6 by Giraffe
Can't spell today

[Ozlsn]

39 minutes ago, Giraffe said:

Maybe I'm being ridiculous digging my heels in but I've literally never heard of anyone in a healthy relationship leaving their honeymoon a week early when there weren't extenuating circumstances

I know one couple who left early because "it was raining too much and you can't just have sex all the time." 

No idea if they're still together, if you can't spend a week on holiday together without getting bored because it's raining it's a worry.

[Giraffe]

Just now, Ozlsn said:

I know one couple who left early because "it was raining too much and you can't just have sex all the time." 

No idea if they're still together, if you can't spend a week on holiday together without getting bored because it's raining it's a worry.

I mean yeah you can only have so much sex but damn, to decide not to just cuddle up together for a few days? Bummer of a relationship!

[Caroline]

2 hours ago, Giraffe said:

If this were any other vacation I probably wouldn't think anything of it. But seriously? You left your honeymoon a week early! I'm not thinking anything other than that's a red flag for who knows what but that's not normal. My guess is one or both got homesick and suggested they surprise the mom/mil and the other went along with it. Maybe I'm being ridiculous digging my heels in but I've literally never heard of anyone in a healthy relationship leaving their honeymoon a week early when there weren't extenuating circumstances (as in: there's a hurricane moving in so you need to leave NOW. Not, golly let's surprise Mom).

Even Mom doesn't look thrilled.

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

28 minutes ago, Caroline said:

Even Mom doesn't look thrilled.

 

Oh she was making a face for the camera and they were sneaking up on her to surprise her. She did seem happy to see them back.

[Nothing if not critical]

9 hours ago, Giraffe said:

If this were any other vacation I probably wouldn't think anything of it. But seriously? You left your honeymoon a week early! I'm not thinking anything other than that's a red flag for who knows what but that's not normal. My guess is one or both got homesick and suggested they surprise the mom/mil and the other went along with it. Maybe I'm being ridiculous digging my heels in but I've literally never heard of anyone in a healthy relationship leaving their honeymoon a week early when there weren't extenuating circumstances (as in: there's a hurricane moving in so you need to leave NOW. Not, golly let's surprise Mom).

I don't think it necessarily indicates anything dramatically bad going down on their honeymoon (except for the general trauma of having sex for the first time after a fundie upbringing), and I really don't want to suggest Carver was being abusive without any evidence. I do think she is immature and super attached to her family, especially her mom, and definitely too young to get married and start a family of her own. Sadly, she's probably already pregnant  😐

[GreenBeans]

10 hours ago, Giraffe said:

My guess is one or both got homesick and suggested they surprise the mom/mil and the other went along with it.

Or they were both relieved to get out. It must be awful when you realize after your wedding that you’re not as naturally comfortable being alone together as you thought you would be. Doesn’t mean it can’t still happen, but when you’ve been taught your whole life that following the godly process for a parent-approved spouse is a guarantee for a a fairytale of marrying your “best friend”, it must be devastating when said “best friend” feels like a stranger during your honeymoon. 

Edited May 7 by GreenBeans
Riffles

[theotherelise]

The weirdest part of all this is posting about it so profusely on social media. 

[Giraffe]

47 minutes ago, theotherelise said:

The weirdest part of all this is posting about it so profusely on social media. 

It's funny. I'm so used to fundies over sharing that it sadly doesn't seem strange to me that they'd share this as well. Plus they're probably so young & naive they have no concept of how odd coming back so early from their honeymoon is. 

[Melissa1977]

14 hours ago, Caroline said:

Even Mom doesn't look thrilled.

 

Maybe she is thinking she put thousand dollars on that vacation and how ungrateful that kids are.

[DJ1234]

On 5/3/2024 at 3:46 PM, Giraffe said:

Why would you leave your honeymoon an entire week early? That's so strange to me! I could see getting an earlier flight on the day you're already scheduled to leave but personally that's a really odd thing to do. 

Ages ago my mother returned home early from her honeymoon as well.  The story, until my father died after 50+ years of marriage, was that she was homesick.  The real reason, shared only after his death, was that she spent her entire honeymoon crying, realizing that she had made a massive mistake. A mistake her Uber-religious family would not allow her to unravel.

My parents were miserable for the next five decades. Well and truly miserable.  If there were any windows of happiness in their marriage I am not aware of them.  I often wonder what might have happened had they been permitted to undo their mistake and carry on to find more compatible partners and happier lives.
 

[Giraffe]

16 minutes ago, DJ1234 said:

Ages ago my mother returned home early from her honeymoon as well.  The story, until my father died after 50+ years of marriage, was that she was homesick.  The real reason, shared only after his death, was that she spent her entire honeymoon crying, realizing that she had made a massive mistake. A mistake her Uber-religious family would not allow her to unravel.

My parents were miserable for the next five decades. Well and truly miserable.  If there were any windows of happiness in their marriage I am not aware of them.  I often wonder what might have happened had they been permitted to undo their mistake and carry on to find more compatible partners and happier lives.
 

Wow that's awful! I hope for these two that if marrying was a mistake they take advantage of living in a time where divorce is sometimes sad and devastating but also sometimes the best decision. 

[GreenBeans]

3 hours ago, DJ1234 said:

The real reason, shared only after his death, was that she spent her entire honeymoon crying, realizing that she had made a massive mistake. A mistake her Uber-religious family would not allow her to unravel.

My parents were miserable for the next five decades. Well and truly miserable.

This is so incredibly sad! For both of them.

[HereticHick]

I bet a Bontrager woman would get an earful if she ran home early from her honeymoon. They believe in leave and cleave!

[HereticHick]

So far the Bowers have married off 2 sons. Marriage #1 apparently isn't acknowledged by the bride's family. Marriage #2 resulted in a truncated honeymoon.

Looking forward to future Bowers boys marriage drama!😃

[JermajestyDuggar]

8 minutes ago, HereticHick said:

So far the Bowers have married off 2 sons. Marriage #1 apparently isn't acknowledged by the bride's family. Marriage #2 resulted in a truncated honeymoon.

Looking forward to future Bowers boys marriage drama!😃

They have 4 boys left! Christian is next in line but he seems to be really into triathlons and such. So maybe fitness will be his wife for the foreseeable future.