Alyssa & John 5: She's Raising Fashion Conscious Girls

[HerNameIsBuffy]

1 minute ago, lumpentheologie said:

This is so true, but I also want to add that being cute or smart aren't the only things that can make someone attractive.  Lots of people aren't particularly smart and that's fine.  There's a lot to be said for people who are kind, fun, and loving.  

I say this as someone who spent my youth dating smart, good-looking people who treated me like shit. 

Absolutely.  My dad used to say you can be smart or you can be nice.  If you want to be both, fine, but everyone needs to at least be one or the other.

[formergothardite]

58 minutes ago, lumpentheologie said:

Imagine if a child was forced to sit in the back corner of a classroom, never allowed to interact, as a question, or get any attention from the teacher. That's essentially what Allie is doing, and it's tragic. 

Wow. I hadn't thought of it this way, but it really brings how how bad this is. Alyssa calls the woman in the video Allie's teacher, so I'm sure she acts like Allie is part of the class, but it is a class in which she is always excluded and ignored. She never gets called on to answer questions or be praised by the woman she views as her teacher. 

This is just heart breaking. These poor children. 

[OyToTheVey]

I tried the whole being dumb thing but failed miserably. I'm not saying I'm the smartest ever. I'm really not. But I have a difficult personality that doesn't match being cute all the time. TBH sometimes it's hard cuz I can't just sit there and giggles and say something cutesy because people know it's not me. Alyssa is definitely the least educated sister. I do think some people have it easier in life being dumb and cute. I doubt it even comes to Alyssas mind just how difficult it is being independent is. She doesn't need that kind of stress in her life. 

[SassyPants]

If the video is called the “teacher”, why not just send them to a school and a physical person/teacher?

[lizzybee]

I think the whole pretending to be in a classroom with other kids but you aren’t homeschool model pretty bizarre. Isn’t homeschooling supposed to be deviating from that model and allowing more free range and individualized learning? If she’s still in class why doesn’t she just go to school? I don’t understand why this is preferable -except to just keep her from the heathens, of course. 

[scoutsadie]

11 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

But if Alyssa has her golden baby boy, he will be in the TV school, too.

So there's SOTDRT and also this. Gah.

[Melissa1977]

3 hours ago, scoutsadie said:

So there's SOTDRT and also this. Gah.

Actually, SOTDRT is far better than the "method" Alyssa is using.

[Melissa1977]

Does anybody follow John's siblings? I supose all of them homeschool because homescholing was a Taliban Dan obsession, but it would be interesting to know if some of them have degrees. I suppose some of them homeschool better than Alyssa and John. 

I really don't know them. Maybe they are all dumb. But as they are private, not in politics and not having enormous families, I asume they are no attention seekers. I wonder what they think of their sibling John+daughters being dressed by a stranger, or Allie's TVschool or Bates in general. 

[scoutsadie]

11 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

Actually, SOTDRT is far better than the "method" Alyssa is using.

Oh, no argument there. The phrase "the TV school" just caught my attention.

At least on the Duggars' shows in the beginning, Michelle was shown engaging some of her children during "school."

The TV School on its own seems such a cop-out.

[fundiebabez]

Watching the Facebook Live - Kelly Jo just confirmed that Chad & Erin also use Abeka videos to homeschool Carson. 

[princessmahina]

I know it’s weird, but as a new parent, I’ve fantasized about homeschooling my little boy. I probably never will because we have solid schools in our area, my husband is super against it, and I plan to work. 
 

BUT. I went ahead and picked out a curriculum anyway to indulge my daydreams. No videos. Very hands on for a parent. It would actually be difficult to homeschool more than one child at a time because each grade requires so much parental work. But isn’t that part of the point of homeschooling? For the parent to lead the education? For me, the appeal is in helping him learn and discover new things, do science experiments, and have a weekly field trip day to museums/nature trails/parks/zoos/aquariums, etc. it makes me sad that homeschooling has SO much potential and they put in the bare amount of effort to get by. 

[neuroticcat]

I loved homeschooling in the early years. So much discovery. Read alouds were the best. We only did it for the first few elementary years. And once we transitioned I loved seeing them thrive in classrooms.

 

I can’t imagine homeschooling in older years though without relying heavily on online/remote instruction. I have seen a few families do it well. 

[lizzybee]

I've always wanted to homeschool, and that was waaaaay before I knew much of anything about fundamentalism and how/why they homeschool. My best friend's mom pulled her out between elementary and middle school to homeschool her (she was presenting some self-destructive behaviors) and I was so jealous of her life after that. Occasionally she'd mention in passing these ultra religious families who wouldn't agree to letting anyone dance at the homeschool dance or something, but preteen/teen me didn't think much of it until later in life. What I liked about homeschooling was the freedom she had to do other things once she was done with school for the day. She had a big group of homeschool friends - more than I had in public school - and they were constantly together and doing field trips and outings. She played on a softball team, did piano, youth group, and dance. I begged to homeschool too, but my parents' weren't into the idea, which was fine (I probably would have been a lot better off though, I was pretty socially awkward, and ate my lunches in teachers' classrooms and the library). I think I've mentioned in other posts that she ended up doing a hybrid homeschool/private school in the last two years of high school. I believe they met two days a week and did the rest at home. Anyway, she now has a master's degree and works at a university.

My other good friend came from a very Catholic homeschooling family. I met her in college at a public university and we became fast friends. She was one of seven. I don't know what curriculum her mother used  - assuming it was affiliated with Catholicism - but I do know the kids were close enough together in age that she put pairs of them in the same grade and graduated them together. It worked well for her, whatever she did and was using. My friend was the second oldest, and through our friendship, I saw all seven of them go to college, graduate, and have real careers. My friend actually went back to school after we graduated and is now a surgical tech. 

You can definitely homeschool well. I'm so excited about the possibilities that are out there in the homeschool world for my kids. I'm fortunate that my husband's so onboard with it that if I changed my mind, I'd definitely get some serious pushback. I'm even looking forward to better learning/ relearning some of these subjects myself through the years. I am glad these outsource opportunities exist too with online/co-op/video stuff. I'm glad I don't have to figure it all out myself because I know what my limits are and I know I won't always be the best woman for the job. That said, I'm just not a fan of "here's a video learn it yourself." I know from teaching myself that public school teachers never use only one type of method or curriculum to teach something. A variety is always going to be best because no one learns everything all in one way.

Contrarily to my other friends, I happen to have had a third friend (fundie) that was homeschooled and her parents just left her with a workbook and went to work themselves. She learned nothing because she was too young to have the discipline to teach herself and zero help when she didn't understand something. I think she told me she would just copy whatever her brother put as his answers. She doesn't have a GED and when she posts on FB it's just big blocks of text with spelling errors and no punctuation. She believes everything she reads and reposts it unashamedly without understanding how ignorant it makes her seem (Like that crap about Obama conspiring to be king of world, for example). Her family really did her a disservice. We snark a lot on the Duggars' and Bates' SOTDRT, but they did much better for their kids than my friend's parents did for her if their SM posts are any indication. Their writing may not be perfect, but they can at least communicate their ideas eloquently enough to be rightly understood. Leaving a kid to fend for themselves like my friend's parents did should be illegal.  

[FighterJet]

Alyssa and John's little family is lovely and more advanced than many other in fundieland, but I still can't help noticing how strictly they fall into certain mechanisms that have been drilled into them.

It is obvious that they both fit the spiritual leader/homemaker roles that are expected of them. Alyssa is interesting in that she unquestioningly takes most of what's expected of her role for granted, having been raised fundie in a family of 21. Her mothering style seems to be efficient, rigorous, yet also girlfriendly and in a way, naive. To many fundie girls, packing for a family is no big deal, popping out a handful of babies feels normal since they've been surrounded by so many people all their lives, but they still in a way are full of wonder and surprise when living experiences firsthand.

In the past, I had thought of John as mellow and easy. I think he still may be, but not as much as before. He potentially has a bossy streak. He still holds much power and influence over Alyssa, who, in a sense, feels lost without guidance. Were it not for his approval, she wouldn't have worn pants. Because he thinks homeschooling is better, Alyssa is now accepting public/private schools are not an option.

I might be wrong on these ideas, but these are my impressions so far.

[formergothardite]

14 hours ago, FighterJet said:

t is obvious that they both fit the spiritual leader/homemaker roles that are expected of them.

Alyssa really doesn't fit into the role of having children and educating them. She seems really poorly suited for the lifestyle. It is obvious she really wants to focus on herself and there really isn't anything wrong with that, The problem is, that in their lifestyle the only way for her to be her true self is at the expense of her children. She seems happy now because she figured out a way to essentially ignore her children while she can do what she likes. If John told her to actually start educating her kids, I think we would watch her spiral down into a ball of misery. 

It is really sad that she doesn't seem to realize she can make choices and she doesn't have to try to fit into a box that does't fit. Alyssa IMO would be happier having no more children, sticking them in daycare/school, and working at some job where she can look cute every day. She really isn't suited to be a stay at home mom or a homeschooler. 

[JordynDarby5]

2 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

Alyssa really doesn't fit into the role of having children and educating them. She seems really poorly suited for the lifestyle. It is obvious she really wants to focus on herself and there really isn't anything wrong with that, The problem is, that in their lifestyle the only way for her to be her true self is at the expense of her children. She seems happy now because she figured out a way to essentially ignore her children while she can do what she likes. If John told her to actually start educating her kids, I think we would watch her spiral down into a ball of misery. 

It is really sad that she doesn't seem to realize she can make choices and she doesn't have to try to fit into a box that does't fit. Alyssa IMO would be happier having no more children, sticking them in daycare/school, and working at some job where she can look cute every day. She really isn't suited to be a stay at home mom or a homeschooler. 

No she isn't. I don't see Carlin or Evan either. All three seem liked they'd be happy focusing on themselves, their interests and stuff. Not marriage, not kids, and not homeschooling kids. 

[Melissa1977]

I didn't watched the video so I can be wrong, but based on the description, I cannot understand a young couple with 3 little children no activities with them at all. Going to the park, playing in the garden, painting with them, teaching them to something (or actually homeschooling) or at least dining together. Reading a story is ok but it's 5 minutes! 

I'm.not saying they have to do everything above. I understand adults prefer dining later, or whatever. But doing nothing with the children? With not only 1 but 2 adults at home?

I am a person who loves private time. I love when my kids play alone. But children need attention, conversation, education. My eldest is 15 and still needs me (homework, chatting about life, teaching how to cook etc)

John and Alyssa didn't strike me as lazy. But, as parents, they do are. These girls need a school and extra curricular activities, because their house is very poor in the stimulation side. 

 

[Audrey2]

Alyssa never struck me as being particularly academic. Not a criticism- many people who weren't as successful in school went on to great success in life. The difference is, most who have achieved success in other area of life don't home school or become education majors. I wonder which children will receive the poorer education- offspring (children and grandchildren) of Jill Rodrigues or Alyssa's children (and eventual grandchildren). 

[JillyO]

Damn. I just watched their "day in the life" video and jeez, their life is so depressing.

1. The "homeschooling." As others have already mentioned, Alyssa sticks Allie in front of that terrible Abeca video for an hour or two and calls it homeschooling. How utterly sad for a Kindergardener (anyone, really, but especially a young child who should be learning through play.)

2. Their nutrition. They offered the kids a choice of like three different pre-packaged snack foods for breakfast. Little Lexi actually asked for an apple, probably because even at 3 years old she's sick of it. Then they drove to Chick-fil-A for lunch. Cookies and capri sun as an afternoon snack for the girls. Then boxed mac-n-cheese for dinner for the kids (couldn't really tell what the sides were - I'd say one was probably canned beans, one looked like potatoes but those would be a very weird side for mac-n-cheese so not sure). Alyssa really seems to be quite the home maker. ?

3. Their activities. Or lack of activities I should say. The only time they left the house all day was to drive to Chick-fil-A. In the morning, Alyssa just parked the kids in front of a screen so she could do her hair and make-up in peace. Then in the afternoon, they napped and then Alyssa and John worked out (I did like the parts where they included the girls in the workout at least). Then dinner followed by story time Gothard indoctrination. Why not take your kids to a park or the playground? Go for a walk? Swimming (since John was home from work that day)? The weather looked absolutely beautiful, so there's really no reason to be holed up inside with three young children all day.

I don't really know what the point of my post is except to say that that video depressed the hell out of me.

[nausicaa]

13 hours ago, JordynDarby5 said:

No she isn't. I don't see Carlin or Evan either. All three seem liked they'd be happy focusing on themselves, their interests and stuff. Not marriage, not kids, and not homeschooling kids. 

Or at least not yet. None of the three are even 26 years old yet. It's more than understandable that they would have liked to have some young adult years of freedom, fun, travel, college parties, entry level jobs, and looking cute. 

I know we have people here who defend getting married and having children very young because it works for some, but I think we also need to acknowledge that it doesn't work for others. A lot of people really need that time in their twenties to figure themselves out and get some stuff out of their system -- and these three may be a case in point. 

[Pecansforeveryone]

And those for whom young marriage and childbearing work might maybe be as much the exception as the rule. I heard Mr. Atheist say that people over 25 have lower rates of divorce than people under 25. (Yes, I am to lazy to look this up myself at the moment.) I don't think a young marriage is a recipe for disaster. I think entering a marriage requires caution and lot's double up on caution in regards to young marriages. 

Edited March 16, 2020 by Pecansforeveryone
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[lizzybee]

10 hours ago, Audrey2 said:

Alyssa never struck me as being particularly academic. Not a criticism- many people who weren't as successful in school went on to great success in life. The difference is, most who have achieved success in other area of life don't home school or become education majors. I wonder which children will receive the poorer education- offspring (children and grandchildren) of Jill Rodrigues or Alyssa's children (and eventual grandchildren). 

I'm going to vote myself that I'd personally rather be educated with videos in the Webster's living room than spend any time with Jill Rodrigues. Idk what she does that makes those children all simper at her, but I'd really rather not find out. ?

[JordynDarby5]

8 hours ago, nausicaa said:

Or at least not yet. None of the three are even 26 years old yet. It's more than understandable that they would have liked to have some young adult years of freedom, fun, travel, college parties, entry level jobs, and looking cute. . 

Your right they might be ready for all that stuff later. But all three seem like they'd really like the freedom to do whatever they want. Alyssa doing whatever lets her have the clothes and lifestyle she wants. Travel and fun. Carlin and Evan taking a lot of selfies and maybe go into singer, theater or something. Or at least the option. 

Quote

I know we have people here who defend getting married and having children very young because it works for some, but I think we also need to acknowledge that it doesn't work for others. A lot of people really need that time in their twenties to figure themselves out and get some stuff out of their system -- and these three may be a case in point

Yes there are people who marry young and it works out. There's nothing wrong with it either. But the difference is the Bates girls like most Fundies don't have the option of anything else. Had Alyssa the option of not getting married and say moving into an apartment working and buying clothes would she have taken that instead? Nothing about Carlin says she'd actually like to be married right now. I don't know about college but she seems like someone who would have loved going to all the college parties and fun stuff. Maybe giving singing or theater a try. Everything about her says she'd like to just have fun right now. Maybe hanging out with her boyfriend. Maybe she'd be ready for marriage in five years or ten or maybe never. But they never had the option. Marriage was the only option for them. We see Alyssa who likes to have everything nice, neat, clean, wear nice clothes and spend time on her hair and make stuck with trying to combine that with what she's suppose to want. Marriage and kids. She really doesn't seem to want kids. Maybe marriage or maybe not. That's the other difference is most couples that get married young have the option of birth control and putting off having kids for five or even ten years or longer. Their suppose to marry and have baby after baby. 

The question is and not just for the Bates girls but how many of them and the rest would have married so young if they had the normal options of college, work, move out and do what they want? Sure a few probably still would. But most? 

[formergothardite]

2 hours ago, lizzybee said:

I'm going to vote myself that I'd personally rather be educated with videos in the Webster's living room than spend any time with Jill Rodrigues. Idk what she does that makes those children all simper at her, but I'd really rather not find out. ?

I agree. The crazy videos have to be better than whatever the hell Jill is doing to her children. 

. 

[frugalitymom]

Videos are great to a point as an extension to a lesson like history but not just videos. I homeschool my 8 year old daughter and so much of her school is either me reading books plus activities (history, science, language arts, and geography) or her reading books and us discussing it not counting grammar, spelling, sign language, handwriting, poetry memorization, weekly art and music, learning basket which is a monthly topic that includes books and activities (this month is women’s history and next month is Shakespeare), and math is the only online thing through Teaching Textbooks because she is a grade ahead and workbooks drove her nuts.