Alyssa & John 5: She's Raising Fashion Conscious Girls

[meep]

@kmachete14 I'm a millennial. It's one thing posting cute, potentially slightly embarrassing photos. People have been sharing these types of photos for decades. But online means it happens in real time. It also can mean it's not only a few funny snapshots, we don't need Alyssa to be giving us real-time updates of the 33 times her daughter has pooped her pants. This is of course Alyssa's right if she wants to share, but I know I am a private person and if this was my childhood, I wouldn't appreciate it. I also think to the recent news of the kid with dwarfism whose video has gone viral in the news and all over social media. It was her son's darkest hour, an intensely private moment, and the mother's first instinct is to grab a camera to show the world "what bullying can do." Since this child has received many benefits for the videos, I doubt he'll regret it, but it makes me wonder what if it only "went viral" around his school? In his hometown and no further? Do you think he would be happy about that? Either now or looking back as an adult? Some parents go overboard. A lot of parents go overboard. It's not always nice and cute. I know it can be but we shouldn't ignore that some people are really gross about it. 

[SassyPants]

Alyssa strikes me as a perfectionist on the surface kind of person. Pooping in one’s pants is not indicative of perfection. If she plans on homeschooling, she had better get some patience and accept that all kids are different and you can  not have the exact same expectations at the exact same age, nor try to reach/teach/ them in the exact same way. Time for Alyssa to get some more tools in her toolbox. Last week she mentioned on IG that she had experienced a very hard day with the girls. I’m wondering if toilet training was what she was referring to?  

[catlady]

There’s also a massive difference between posting my own old photos in my adulthood and having my parents archiving them in real time via social media. My parents have an old picture of me; it was Eater morning and I was three; I took all the Easter grass out of my basket and sat in it.  Cute, right? Not really.  I had such thin, fine, pale hair that I looked bald; I was staring at the camera with my mouth open; I was wearing just underwear.  Now, if i share this today, that’s my choice.  But if my parents posted it and people who didn’t like me found it when I was 14 and passed it around, that’s another matter. 

[Scoodilypoop]

21 minutes ago, catlady said:

There’s also a massive difference between posting my own old photos in my adulthood and having my parents archiving them in real time via social media. My parents have an old picture of me; it was Eater morning and I was three; I took all the Easter grass out of my basket and sat in it.  Cute, right? Not really.  I had such thin, fine, pale hair that I looked bald; I was staring at the camera with my mouth open; I was wearing just underwear.  Now, if i share this today, that’s my choice.  But if my parents posted it and people who didn’t like me found it when I was 14 and passed it around, that’s another matter. 

Exactly, this! It’s all about having agency over yourself. Parents too often think of children as extensions of themselves, rather than as people in their own right. 

[Melissa1977]

6 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Alyssa strikes me as a perfectionist on the surface kind of person. Pooping in one’s pants is not indicative of perfection. If she plans on homeschooling, she had better get some patience and accept that all kids are different and you can  not have the exact same expectations at the exact same age, nor try to reach/teach/ them in the exact same way. Time for Alyssa to get some more tools in her toolbox. Last week she mentioned on IG that she had experienced a very hard day with the girls. I’m wondering if toilet training was what she was referring to?  

Alyssa should realise she is not the most patient parent in the world. No problem (neither I am, and it doesn't make me a bad mom at all). But once you realise it, it's time to make decisions. Are more kids a good idea? Homeschooling or schooling? Priorizing one's health by relaxing standards? Etc

 Kelly said once that she usually had 3 children in diapers at the same time. Out of 19, sure some of them were like Lexi. That experience and the messages Alyssa is receiving in IG should make her realise that Lexi is normal. Maybe she should come back to diapers for a while. Lexi must be under a huge pressure (her little.sister is *better* than her, etc). Ugly situation for both girls.

Alyssa reminds me one of my friends. She's a great mom overall but.she is not flexible in pottytraining. She spent a whole summer washing clothes and being upset (and even had mental breakdowns) because the accidents. It was absurd... Her child hadn't development difficulties, so eventually left diapers.

[singsingsing]

14 hours ago, kmachete14 said:

I’ve posted about this before. I’m 26. 
 

People around my age LOVE hunting down old photos and posting them. I wish I had more. Posting naked baby pics of yourself is a “cute” thing to do. Throwback Thursdays and Flashback Fridays is a thing on social media. The more awkward/ silly/ candid the photo the better. 
 

This trend has been going on since I was in high school. I don’t even know what you would be bullied for ... “haha you had a bowl cut! You peed your pants while being potty trained! You took a bath with your cousins! You played naked in a mud puddle!” Those are the moments people WANT to share. It’s not considered embarrassing, it’s like a contest!

I wish my mom kept a chronological log of my life like Alyssa is going to have here with her kids. 
 

Things may change in a generation but right now this stuff is totally “normal” (Alyssa is far from the only mom doing this.) 

I teach fifth grade and we even have a little project where the kids bring in hilarious baby photos and guess who is who. 
 

This is just my experience and what I see from millennials and gen z. 

Millennial here, the difference is that we’re choosing which photos to share. That’s totally different than 5-10 years from now when Olivia’s classmates stumble across her mom’s old Instagram account and find the pictures of Olivia crying after she wet the bed. Kids can be incredibly cruel and there will absolutely without a doubt be bullying because of this. It’s not even remotely the same as an adult or even a child choosing to share a funny photo of him/herself.

[HermioneSparrow]

9 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

Alyssa should realise she is not the most patient parent in the world. No problem (neither I am, and it doesn't make me a bad mom at all). But once you realise it, it's time to make decisions. Are more kids a good idea? Homeschooling or schooling? Priorizing one's health by relaxing standards? Etc

 Kelly said once that she usually had 3 children in diapers at the same time. Out of 19, sure some of them were like Lexi. That experience and the messages Alyssa is receiving in IG should make her realise that Lexi is normal. Maybe she should come back to diapers for a while. Lexi must be under a huge pressure (her little.sister is *better* than her, etc). Ugly situation for both girls.

Alyssa reminds me one of my friends. She's a great mom overall but.she is not flexible in pottytraining. She spent a whole summer washing clothes and being upset (and even had mental breakdowns) because the accidents. It was absurd... Her child hadn't development difficulties, so eventually left diapers.

Exactly. She should take the Jill route and realize maybe she can't handle certain things and that's ok. I feel sorry for those girls because I think she already puts a lot of pressure on them to be perfect, especially middle child Lexi who has to deal with smart older sister Allie and precocious little sis Zoey.

Alyssa is young so hopefully she will learn that all of her daughters are different and let go of the pressure she's putting into her little girls. Both her and Erin are quite the perfectionists and I can see some of that in Josie, Tori and Michaela as well, the only one who's chill is Carlin.

[Deleorean88mph]

Alyssa claims it's convenient train w kids at once, but I disagree. I think it's inconvenient because they're both at different stages of life. Lexi was not expected to train when she was Zoey's age, so why expect Zoey to now? She's under 2. Let her run around in a diaper and play instead of sitting on the toilet. As for Lexi, she's still young and at her age it's normal to have accidents. It's part of the learning process. There is no flip to switch from diapers one day to totally trained the next day. Let nature take its course and when the child will know when they're ready!

[neuroticcat]

I rushed PT with my fourth kid. It was so not worth it - like a year of dealing with wet pants and multiple clothing changes. 

Can’t imagine the frustration of two maybe not being ready.,,,

[Deleorean88mph]

4 minutes ago, neuroticcat said:

I rushed PT with my fourth kid. It was so not worth it - like a year of dealing with wet pants and multiple clothing changes. 

Can’t imagine the frustration of two maybe not being ready.,,,

I think it's easier to change diapers than to constantly clean up a child who is having accidents because they're not ready yet. More importantly, a child's self esteem should be boosted with toilet training, not lowered because they're having 'too many' accidents. 

[nausicaa]

The difference in how privacy is viewed now versus in the recent past really shows how much social media has changed us. 

Kathie Lee Gifford got a ton of flack for writing in her autobiography in the mid 90s that her young son had diarrhea when meeting the President. She told it in a "haha, crazy mom life!" kind of way, but a lot of people thought she was disrespecting her son and it wasn't just her story to tell. Now people see nothing odd about basically turning their kid's childhood into a reality show for family and friends, with daily photos and detailed recountings of when they pooped and where. 

Even bullying aside, I would be very upset if my entire childhood were presented on my mother's social media for all and asunder to see. Those aren't just my mother's memories; they are mine too. I have every right to share which parts of my childhood I want to share, and withhold others, and for whatever reason I wish. Privacy for its own end is worthwhile and should be respected. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

2 minutes ago, nausicaa said:

The difference in how privacy is viewed now versus in the recent past really shows how much social media has changed us. 

Kathie Lee Gifford got a ton of flack for writing in her autobiography in the mid 90s that her young son had diarrhea when meeting the President. She told it in a "haha, crazy mom life!" kind of way, but a lot of people thought she was disrespecting her son and it wasn't just her story to tell. Now people see nothing odd about basically turning their kid's childhood into a reality show for family and friends, with daily photos and detailed recountings of when they pooped and where. 

Even bullying aside, I would be very upset if my entire childhood were presented on my mother's social media for all and asunder to see. Those aren't just my mother's memories; they are mine too. I have every right to share which parts of my childhood I want to share, and withhold others, and for whatever reason I wish. Privacy for its own end is worthwhile and should be respected. 

My mom has been gone 26 years and I'm still mad she told my gramma when I got my period.  

[formergothardite]

13 hours ago, nausicaa said:

I would be very upset if my entire childhood were presented on my mother's social media for all and asunder to see. Those aren't just my mother's memories; they are mine too. I have every right to share which parts of my childhood I want to share, and withhold others, and for whatever reason I wish. Privacy for its own end is worthwhile and should be respected. 

When I was around 5 or 6 I misunderstood what a restroom was and thought it was a place for naps with beds and nightlights and I kept trying to find the restrooms and getting annoyed when they were just toilets. I probably wouldn't remember this at all except my mom got up in front of a bunch of women at a church conference and told the story. I remember sitting feeling so humiliated because everyone was laughing and people teased me about it at church for months. I cried over it and my mom never could get why it upset me. She just said it was a cute story and people love cute stories and I shouldn't be so sensitive. But to me it wasn't a cute story, it made me feel dumb to watch people laugh at me.  

Putting these childhood events out for public consumption isn't okay. Especially since Alyssa is letting total strangers know these things about her children. 

[SassyPants]

16 hours ago, nausicaa said:

The difference in how privacy is viewed now versus in the recent past really shows how much social media has changed us. 

Kathie Lee Gifford got a ton of flack for writing in her autobiography in the mid 90s that her young son had diarrhea when meeting the President. She told it in a "haha, crazy mom life!" kind of way, but a lot of people thought she was disrespecting her son and it wasn't just her story to tell. Now people see nothing odd about basically turning their kid's childhood into a reality show for family and friends, with daily photos and detailed recountings of when they pooped and where. 

Even bullying aside, I would be very upset if my entire childhood were presented on my mother's social media for all and asunder to see. Those aren't just my mother's memories; they are mine too. I have every right to share which parts of my childhood I want to share, and withhold others, and for whatever reason I wish. Privacy for its own end is worthwhile and should be respected. 

This is why I think minor children should not be involved in reality TV at all. They are not paid actors with the proper protections in place (work, educational, financial). Often times you will hear people reference “they are just living their lives.” Exactly, living life is messy and real, and a child’s privacy  and anonymity should not be a parent’s to sell for easy cash. Selling a child just living their life for money is the very definition of exploitation.

[rebeccawriter01]

2 hours ago, formergothardite said:

When I was around 5 or 6 I misunderstood what a restroom was and thought it was a place for naps with beds and nightlights and I kept trying to find the restrooms and getting annoyed when they were just toilets. I probably wouldn't remember this at all except my mom got up in front of a bunch of women at a church conference and told the story. I remember sitting feeling so humiliated because everyone was laughing and people teased me about it at church for months. I cried over it and my mom never could get why it upset me. She just said it was a cute story and people love cute stories and I shouldn't be so sensitive. But to me it wasn't a cute story, it made me feel dumb to watch people laugh at me.  

Putting these childhood events out for public consumption isn't okay. Especially since Alyssa is letting total strangers know these things about her children. 

My cousin and I were in our uncle's wedding. At the rehearsal dinner we went to the restroom and were excited by the feminine product dispenser. We didn't have any change and ran out to announce to everyone that we wanted candy from the machine in the restroom. My grandmother announced it to everyone who had not already heard us screaming and begging for money to buy candy.

I've been disappointed by that ever since. A tampon and a candy bar are so not the same thing.  

[CarrotCake]

It looks like Alyssa gave Kelly Jo a necklace with birthstones of all the current grandchildren + one extra (Toris baby?) and an empty spot. Or am I counting wrong?

I immediately thought it was a pregnancy announcement from Alyssa to her parents but I hope I am wrong. 

[Johannah]

Where is it posted?

[CarrotCake]

31 minutes ago, Johannah said:

Where is it posted?

I saw it in Alyssas story but it looks like it is a repost from the Bates family account.

[lumpentheologie]

19 hours ago, CarrotCake said:

It looks like Alyssa gave Kelly Jo a necklace with birthstones of all the current grandchildren + one extra (Toris baby?) and an empty spot. Or am I counting wrong?

I immediately thought it was a pregnancy announcement from Alyssa to her parents but I hope I am wrong. 

What made you think announcement?  The empty heart in the middle?  I assumed it was just decoration.  

If Tori's unborn baby gets a heart, you'd think Alyssa's would get one to, especially since she's the one ordering the necklace. 

[singsingsing]

I figured the empty heart was to symbolize future grandchildren. It’s a nice and thoughtful gift, but it will probably be outdated in a year!

[CarrotCake]

47 minutes ago, lumpentheologie said:

What made you think announcement?  The empty heart in the middle?  I assumed it was just decoration.  

If Tori's unborn baby gets a heart, you'd think Alyssa's would get one to, especially since she's the one ordering the necklace. 

I was counting the stones and I thought there were 14 stones for 13+1 grandchild  plus one empty spot at the bottom.

But maybe I am miscounting Bates babies...

16 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

I figured the empty heart was to symbolize future grandchildren. It’s a nice and thoughtful gift, but it will probably be outdated in a year!

She could get a second necklace in a few years. Or a bracelet.?

Edited February 28, 2020 by CarrotCake

[HerNameIsBuffy]

39 minutes ago, CarrotCake said:

She could get a second necklace in a few years. Or a bracelet.?

The way these people reproduce she's going to look like the Mr. T of gemstones in a few years.

[Cat Damon]

3 hours ago, singsingsing said:

I figured the empty heart was to symbolize future grandchildren. It’s a nice and thoughtful gift, but it will probably be outdated in a year!

I've mentioned before that I'm one of a bunch of grand-kids (there are 19 of us ranging from ages 33 to 18), and anything we got my grandparents would have been out of date almost immediately for awhile. My aunts had the idea that everyone could decorate a little self-portrait of themselves on felt and then one of them stitched it together as a quilt for a Christmas gift one year. It's really damn cute and now it's really fun to look at it and see how everyone decorated theirs! Some of the kids clearly had help if they were really little, but they're all really unique and fun. (I'd share a picture but each one is labeled with our names.) Whenever someone had another baby, their older siblings would get to decorate another square and add it on to the end or sides. My grandparents never used it as a blanket, but hung it up at their house in the hallway. 

[Mrs Ms]

Could an empty one represent miscarriages? 

[freethemall]

On 2/28/2020 at 4:55 PM, Mrs Ms said:

Could an empty one represent miscarriages? 

Thered be more because we know Whitney had 1, and Erin had several.

I actually was thinking it was an announcement too, only because 1. Alyssa is due for one and 2. Itd be a fun/new way to announce.