Bro Gary Hawkins 24: Smoking Meat

[thoughtful]

Sometimes you get what you want.

Sometimes you don't.

Sometimes you get half.

Supper bowl is not as funny as supper bowel, but it is less disgusting.

Comments so far:

Spoiler

ETA - more that came in just after I posted:

God is a mint? Refreshing!

Edited February 9 by thoughtful

[thoughtful]

The arguments continue. Gary must be so happy.

Spoiler

I caught the last two just in time - they're gone now.

And Rhonda posted this in the Rick Miles argument:

Spoiler

 

[marmalade]

Gary did not disappoint! I've been waiting all week for his annual rant! 

[thoughtful]

More comments:

Be careful there, Barbara - you could end up like Taryn who used to comment on Zsu's blog - just drifting from one thought to another, like she's forgotten where she is and what the subject was.

[Botkinetti]

Gary and his supporters are so sanctimonious.

I wonder if they rant away at coworkers that they are sinning because they will be watching a football game instead of going to church. If they rant I would love to hear the response they get. 

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, Botkinetti said:

Gary and his supporters are so sanctimonious.

I wonder if they rant away at coworkers that they are sinning because they will be watching a football game instead of going to church. If they rant I would love to hear the response they get. 

Gary may not have the self-control (or realize that it's problematic), but I imagine that a lot of them take a sweet approach, as Pastor Baker told them to do in a recent sermon, rather than ranting, with anyone who isn't in their tiny club.

And I think they are not supposed to tsk tsk at non-believers (which, remember, includes everyone who isn't IFB) for sinning, since that is what we "unsaved" are expected to do.

However, if a coworker claims to be a born again, Baptist, bible-believer  - in other words, a  True Christian ™️ by their standards, I bet they get a rant.

Here's the latest from the comments:
 

Spoiler

From the argument with Tim (previous posts included for context):

 

[Alisamer]

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary may not have the self-control (or realize that it's problematic), but I imagine that a lot of them take a sweet approach, as Pastor Baker told them to do in a recent sermon, rather than ranting, with anyone who isn't in their tiny club.

And I think they are not supposed to tsk tsk at non-believers (which, remember, includes everyone who isn't IFB) for sinning, since that is what we "unsaved" are expected to do.

However, if a coworker claims to be a born again, Baptist, bible-believer  - in other words, a  True Christian ™️ by their standards, I bet they get a rant.

Here's the latest from the comments:
 

  Hide contents

From the argument with Tim (previous posts included for context):

 

That bottom comment, LOL! "Can't YOU read?" aimed at a guy who writes "supper bowl" and is constantly leaving out words or spelling them so badly the meaning is changed. Like, can anyone see Gary's posts and NOT tell that the dude has an extremely shaky grasp of words? 

Gary either really can't read, or doesn't want to commit to saying "yeah, even if you spend most of your day at church you'll go to hell if you watch the Super Bowl" because he knows it'll stir things up. And the way he only focuses on this particular game makes it seem like it's OK to watch the whole rest of the season, as long as you don't miss church, but this particular game? Sin!

He probably also doesn't want to go too far down the path of "if you enjoy it, it must be sinful" Maxwell-style, because somebody might hold HIM to that standard.

It's a little amusing to see him flounder like that though. It's clear the only responses he can come up with are veiled insults and "KJB says so!" 

I don't personally remember anything in the Bible ever saying "thou shalt not enjoy any entertainment of any sort, lest thy be banished to hellfire." I do remember there being something about casting the first stone and removing a beam from your eye, however. 

I'd like to see someone press him for answers though, along the lines of "is it OK to watch ANY sports games, then?" and if he gives a no, then "even children's games?" and "So then are churches who have softball teams sinning?" and really make him double down. His brain might explode though. 

[thoughtful]

12 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

I'd like to see someone press him for answers though, along the lines of "is it OK to watch ANY sports games, then?" and if he gives a no, then "even children's games?" and "So then are churches who have softball teams sinning?" and really make him double down. His brain might explode though.

At this point, I think Gary's brain is immune to explosion. It may not have much power, but it seems to be rather rocklike, never experiencing cognitive dissonance or doubt in any of his contradicting ideas.

From past sermons, I can guess that he would have a problem with kids' athletic events. He's spoken out against school or community-based athletics because they might have practice on an evening when there's a midweek service or other church event, or games on Sundays.

As for a church having a softball team, he might see that as making the church just a "gathering place," rather than a church. Of course, that seems to contradict his hazy image of Ye Olden Days when church was the center of everyone's life, and they all came early on Sunday and hung around all day, then returned for a few evenings during the week. Not sure how he sorts that all out in his mind, other than keeping a vague sense that church is only for bible, worship and fellowship over food.

At the height of his health kick, he played some basketball, so he may not have had a totally sports-free youth, and may like some athletic competitions. Maybe he only approves of pick-up games between church activities - nothing so organized that it might get in the way of church church church.

Gary has participated in VBS activities for kids, so maybe he thinks that the only thing a church should do for young people is bible stories and preaching at their age level. He's probably OK with family fun night, since it's all bible and hymn quizzes. Becky has been the one to post about carnival-like events that churches have had, IIRC, so I'm not sure if Gary approves of them or not.

More comments:

[Xan]

A saved person wouldn't miss church?  Gary himself has missed church so I don't think he's got a lot of room to complain about people sinning by not attending. 

[thoughtful]

18 minutes ago, Xan said:

A saved person wouldn't miss church?  Gary himself has missed church so I don't think he's got a lot of room to complain about people sinning by not attending. 

It's the other way around - he said a saved person would miss church, a Christian wouldn't. This, if I'm understanding him correctly (always a toss-up, with Gary), is his way of saying that there are saved people who are not True Christians ™️.

He has said "Christian means Christ-like," and I think he means that, saved or not, you are not being a Christian unless you live by his narrow standards; at church whenever the doors open, covered in clothing, proper hair length, constantly godbothering, etc.

Saved people all go to heaven, but, if they didn't follow the rules he likes, they will have the blood of the unsaved on their hands, not enough crowns to throw at Jesus' feet, and/or a very long video of their sins for everyone to watch.

And if he doesn't like the "testimony" of someone's behavior, he throws shade on their claim to be saved, never naming names or claiming to be correct, of course.

But, yes, your point about the fact that he has missed church stands. I figure he'd say that he has only missed church due to his wife's illness or his own. Of course, he used to disdain people for staying home with ill loved ones, or if they had something non-contagious, before it applied to him.

And he can be on his high horse about someone missing church for something as worldly as football. Bringing it in to church is even worse.

I'm telling you, that brain is a thick rock that can't even hear the cognitive dissonance.

Edited February 9 by thoughtful
adding something

[thoughtful]

I just noticed that Gary did catch on to why "supper" was wrong, and corrected that, this morning. The rest of the post is still a mess.

[Alisamer]

Gary's such a wierdo. 

I feel like he might be OK with church softball (or basketball) leagues - it's always some bigger church, or a local park, where the games are played after all. Assuming the men play and the women just watch and cheer and provide food, of course. Games are usually on Tuesday or Thursday evenings in my experience, providing yet another chance to show up for a church related function. And the KJV only church might compete against some NIV using heathens and beat them, showing them how they're favored by God! Of course if they lose, it's Satan persecuting them. 

But there's no telling, really. It might well depend on what direction the wind is blowing, with him. Or if he likes the color of the team shirts. Or what whichever old time preacher he's listening to at the moment has to say about it. Or whether he feels wronged by the umpire last week. 

[postscript]

I think Gary secretly looks forward to the Supper Bowel and Helloween because he can rant about how evil they are and prove how holier than thou he is. I’ve never seen any other social media personality whose posts so consistently cause fights. I think Gary enjoys being able to argue with those who dare to contradict him. He’s immune to logic because he’s so convinced his narrow beliefs are right that he won’t even consider other possibilities, nor does he comprehend the inconsistencies in his own thought

I wish he would back up his “it KJB” in this case. I’m curious to see what verses he would use to back it up. There’s a very good reason the KJB doesn’t address football - the game didn’t exist until well past 1611. 

3 hours ago, Alisamer said:

Gary either really can't read

I have long thought he is functionally illiterate. I would not be surprised if he has undiagnosed learning disabilities. 

Edited February 9 by postscript

[Alisamer]

24 minutes ago, postscript said:

I have long thought he is functionally illiterate. I would not be surprised if he has undiagnosed learning disabilities. 

I also wouldn't be surprised. I personally have never met someone who was well read, whose first language was English, and who didn't have a dyslexia diagnosis who could mangle English quite as badly as him. If it was just spelling, or a random left-out word here or there, I'd assume he was probably in the low range of average. But the way he leaves off letters, the grammar is atrocious, and he sometimes manages to say the opposite of what he means? I think he's barely getting by and clearly isn't much of a reader. Other than bits and pieces of the King James there, which he surely can't understand at all. 

[Destiny]

17 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Be careful there, Barbara - you could end up like Taryn who used to comment on Zsu's blog - just drifting from one thought to another, like she's forgotten where she is and what the subject was.

Haha, I totally did a double take to make sure this wasn't Taryn. I miss her and her weird uses of magic markers so much.

[Ozlsn]

12 hours ago, Botkinetti said:

Gary and his supporters are so sanctimonious.

I wonder if they rant away at coworkers that they are sinning because they will be watching a football game instead of going to church. If they rant I would love to hear the response they get. 

I'm going to guess that more than one of them is secretly watching the supper bowl while commenting online about how holy they are.

[thoughtful]

6 hours ago, postscript said:

I think Gary secretly looks forward to the Supper Bowel and Helloween because he can rant about how evil they are and prove how holier than thou he is.

He's as happy as a pig in mud, and I don't think there's any secret about it. As he has said in many a sermon, he loves "consoversy."

More under the Tim/can't you read? argument - Gary seems to have bowed out.

Spoiler

Ballard called Gary out on missing church, and did get an answer (one previously posted comment included for context):

Spoiler

 

[AmazonGrace]

Goodness, his Christianity is so fragile. One missed sermon can ruin everything.

[Xan]

Yes, Gary's brand of Christianity is extremely fragile.  Wear shorts at the beach?  Going to hell.  Leave church the minute the sermon is over to go home and watch "I Love Lucy"?  Also, going to hell.  Don't beat your kids?  Definitely going to hell.  Wear a mask to prevent getting Covid?  That's trusting science over God.  Off to hell you go.  Prefer to take your neighbor a meal instead of handing them a Jesus pamphlet?  Yep.  Going to hell.

Luckily, Gary has had a brief thought about each of these situations and decided once and for all that he's right and everyone else is wrong.  Everything he does is blessed by God and it doesn't matter that he was in trouble with the law when he was younger, got divorced, and has treated his kids badly.  He's washed in the blood of Jesus and he's going to get a big mansion in heaven with all the Chinese food he can eat.

Yes, he's delusional.

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, Xan said:

Yes, Gary's brand of Christianity is extremely fragile.  Wear shorts at the beach?  Going to hell.  Leave church the minute the sermon is over to go home and watch "I Love Lucy"?  Also, going to hell.  Don't beat your kids?  Definitely going to hell.  Wear a mask to prevent getting Covid?  That's trusting science over God.  Off to hell you go.  Prefer to take your neighbor a meal instead of handing them a Jesus pamphlet?  Yep.  Going to hell.

Now, now, @Xan, nobody goes to hell for any of those things, if they're saved. They go to heaven, where saved people who didn't do those things gossip about them behind their backs, lecture them, point out the blood on their hands (that are not holding enough crowns) and enjoy watching their sin video over and over, with heavenly popcorn.

Never mind the mansion and the Chinese food, I think that's Gary's actual view of heaven. And he'd love it. It would be just like his life on earth, but with no discomfort or even the little bit of work he does now.

Nothing new in the Super Bowl post comments. Poor Gary.

[thoughtful]

I guess Gary wanted some more "consoversy," so he made a new post about one of the comments under his Supper Bowl screed.

Comments so far:

Spoiler

Never mind football, other sports, movies or TV - this is Gary's entertainment.

It would actually be nice if his idea of the afterlife was real, and the video of his sins that everyone watched was days and days long, all of him being self-righteous and pissy, while Jesus explains why his behavior was a problem (preferably with existing bible verses).

[thoughtful]

Gary and Brian continue to argue:
 

Spoiler

 

 

 

[thoughtful]

The Brian fight continues, less nasty without Gary:

Spoiler

More individual comments, at the bottom:

Spoiler

And it's me, really - I've been meaning to change my avatar for a long time, and just never got around to it. I still love Alan Rickman, but the caption couldn't be read anymore, so now I have a lovely reminder to stop and smell the roses. Of course, I had to take the picture before she decided to stop and eat the roses . . .

[postscript]

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

The Brian fight continues, less nasty without Gary:

  Reveal hidden contents

More individual comments, at the bottom:

  Reveal hidden contents

And it's me, really - I've been meaning to change my avatar for a long time, and just never got around to it. I still love Alan Rickman, but the caption couldn't be read anymore, so now I have a lovely reminder to stop and smell the roses. Of course, I had to take the picture before she decided to stop and eat the roses . . .

The eyeroll emoji is for the arguing idiots, not for you. Honestly, Bro Gary’s followers argue more frequently, and are much ruder about it, than any other Facebook group. That includes the writing board that lacked an administrator and was full of scammers and would-be writers who wanted praise for their illiterate screed (not so different than Bro Gary). Facebook eventually appointed an administrator for the writing board. Gary’s page has only Bros Gary, who encourages the fights instead of stopping them. 

4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

would actually be nice if his idea of the afterlife was real, and the video of his sins that everyone watched was days and days long, all of him being self-righteous and pissy, while Jesus explains why his behavior was a problem (preferably with existing bible verses).

While I don’t want to spend the afterlife watching TV, I would enjoy watching Gary’s embarrassment at having Jesus call out his self-righteousness. 

[AmazonGrace]

Likely Gary would not understand what he was being called out for. He'd argue with Jesus just as much as anyone else. It KJB, you need to read it Jesus man, and what's with the gay sandals?