Bro Gary Hawkins 24: Smoking Meat

[Coconut Flan]

Continued from here:

 

[thoughtful]

I guess the "it" in Gary's post is referring to the funeral.

[thoughtful]

I watched the funeral. A man spoke, clearly telling stories and expressing his affection for Henry before getting into preaching, but it was hard to hear details. Mostly I heard Gary guffawing, chuckling and amening. Several people commented, asking him to do something about the sound, but I don't think he looked at the phone at all.

There is a sign language interpreter - wish my ASL was better, so I could figure out what was being said.

They sang Ye Must Be Born Again (Gary, of course, sings "borned again"). I think the person leading the service asked if anyone wanted to say anything about Henry, and two men who are too quiet to hear spoke briefly, then Gary came up. I think he is actually introduced by name, so I guess he was asked to speak.

Him, I can hear.

"Well, amen! He's in heaven, ain't he?"

Gary says he doesn't have as many stories, "But one thing ah know 'bout Henry - he loved the Lord."

Gary goes on about how Henry loved his family and wanted to see them saved, announces a reading from Proverbs, then says "They said ah had 10 minutes an' ah ain't never preached that ___________ (unintelligible over people laughing, including Becky giggling)." He says he's nervous, and gets a "preach, brother" from someone.

"Psalm - Proverbs 22, verse one the bahble says a good name. Is rilly to be chosen. Than great riches, loving - loving. Favor rather than, silver and gold."

Close, Gary - it's:

Quote

A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour rather than silver and gold.

Gary says that Brother Henry had a good name. He reminds them again that Henry loved the Lord, his family, and soul-winning, and how he'd "started to see some fruit" in his church recently.

Gary says they spoke often, including right before Henry went to the hospital. "He was havin' a hard tahm talkin' because of his condition, an' here's what he said: 'I just wanna do more for the Lord.' Ah mean, th'man is not able t'get up outta bed more'n likely havin' a whole lotta issues, an' what's he gonna say? 'I wanna do more for the Lord.' Amen!"

Gary launches into his spiel about how he never comes up north in the winter and hates snow. "Me an' Becky was talkin' 'bout it the other day - Brother Mike an' Brother Hinry prob'ly lookin' over the banisters of heaven an' sayin' ______ (unintelligible, drowned out by laughter)."

He goes on about loving the song about being borned again, repeats how Henry "showed a lotta fruit," and tells them "we just buried mah mother here, ah don't know, ah guess it's been about eight to ten weeks now," and tells them how her last request was for somebody to get up and say she wanted all of her family together in heaven. Henry also wanted to see all of his friends, family and co-workers in heaven.

"Ah have no idea who most of ya are -  ah'm from - ah'm from Tinnissee - ah used t'be from North Ca'lahna, now ah realize ah'm from Tinnisssee - and uh, but amma tellya raht now, if y'ain't born agin, ya won't go t'heaven. You wanna see Hinry agin? You gonna haveta be saved."

And the rest is his usual get-saved-or-else crap, including the rich man in hell and his own salvation on Joolah 11, 1999 (and how he "played religion" before that), old rugged cross, it's appointed to man once to die, he doesn't believe in religion, you better make sure you're saved. He gets lots of amens and other yells of support.

He announces "Fizzions, chapter two, see what it says." Long pause. "Verses nahn an' tin. No, verses eight an' nahn."

KJV:  For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.
BGV: For by grace are you saved through faith. Ya gotta have faith, amen? All of ya had t'have faith to come through this snow.

He says something about being willing to "pay someone real money" to get his wife to take him back to his ______ (?). He goes on with his usual misinterpretation of faith, comparing it to trusting their chairs to hold them.

More standard Garyspew follows - he's worshed in the blood, lamb's book of life, etc.

"Ah don't remember much 'bout mah first birth, little over 50 some years ago, ah don't remember much about it, ah know mah mama lahks t' tell - well, before she passed away - she would tell mah girlfriends - ah y'all don' wanna talk 'bout nonna this, but it's awraht - she would embarrass me. You know what, ah don't know much about it, ah was - ah ah mean, an know what hospital, ah bin baptized in the hospital there, mah wahf went and hurt herself so she could go find out where ah was, amen? She wanted t'go to _____ (grin?) where ah was borned at. Ah don't blame 'er. Ah don't remember much about it. But ah do remember what happened at Open Door Baptist Church, Sandhill Road . . ."

You know the rest - Gary goes over his salvation story again.

Baptized in the hospital? I guess whatever denomination Danny and Sheila were in at that point (Methodist?) baptized babies. And I'm guessing that the bit about Becky hurting herself may refer to the time Becky fell through the steps of the motor home, or some other time she was injured, and the hospital they went to happened to be the one where Gary was born. But that's the first time I've heard reference to Becky seeing the hospital where he was born, so who knows?

After telling them that he's never been the same since being saved, he warns that it doesn't mean all of your health troubles are over.

"Mah wahf's was just diahnosed a year back, last year, with MS. She got saved a long tahm before that, but if she hadn't got saved until after she got MS, guess what? She'd still prob'ly still have th'MS. It ain't gonna take you yer symptomses, ain't gonna take - it ain't gonna take you away from the snow unless you really go down south somewhere, amen. But ah can tellya this much -  ah don't haveta walk bah mahself _________ (unintelligible)."

He yells about how Brother Henry (remember Henry - you know - the guy whose funeral this is?) may be having a good time with Jesus, maybe playing the violin.

More "you better make sure you're saved," "Brother Henry loved the Lord," and one "am ah makin' sense?" follow, then a prayer.

He speaks for 15 minutes (it felt longer), pretty much turning Henry's funeral into the Bro Gary Show.

Spoiler

 

That last one was when Gary was talking about his mother telling his girlfriends about his birth. I love the interpreter's expression.

 

Edited January 10 by thoughtful
riffle

[postscript]

11 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

BGV: For by grace are you saved through faith. Ya gotta have faith, amen? All of ya had t'have faith to come through this snow.

My brain just started playing “Ya Gotta Have Hope”:from “Damn Yankees.” 

Boy, for being Bro Henry’s funeral, Gary sure makes it all about Gary, doesn’t he? Hopefully the congregation was spared an altar call. 

[thoughtful]

2 minutes ago, postscript said:

My brain just started playing “Ya Gotta Have Hope” from “Damn Yankees.”

Mine, as well, and then on to the Allan Sherman parody.

6 minutes ago, postscript said:

Boy, for being Bro Henry’s funeral, Gary sure makes it all about Gary, doesn’t he? Hopefully the congregation was spared an altar call. 

I will watch the rest of the service, and let you know.

After Gary and another song, some people spoke without coming up to the front. One man says something about Henry helping him back in the days when he was "smokin', drinkin' and smokin' weed." Now this ASL I could have figured out even if he couldn't be heard:

Spoiler

Henry's wife (I think) stands to speak tearfully and briefly - I didn't listen, because it looked raw and sincere and not part of the whole forget-the-deceased-and-preach show.

The man running the service speaks for a while. Sorry - I couldn't figure out who he is. He's not the pastor of this church, and he says that he hadn't known Henry for long - that's all I know.

He starts talking about Henry's illness (it's unclear to me what it was), and how it seemed to have started out as some canker sores in his mouth. He says he wants to share something that might be too much, but he feels the Lord and Henry would want him to do so.

He said that Henry called him from the hospital, talking on Facetime with difficulty, and that he'd told Henry "'Brother, I'm just gonna start callin' you Job,' so the rest of the time I called him Job, because he had sores all over."

Lovely.

He says that Henry said something profound to him, said he knew why all of this was happening to him. He says his first reaction was to think of what a unique and strong Christian Henry must have been.

His description of what Henry said is hard to follow, but it sounds like the gist was that Henry thought God was making sure he wasn't only using his unique talents, but to focus on a different part of his ministry, even if he couldn't use his talents.

It seems Henry was saying that his illness was God's way of taking away his ability to preach, sing, and play instruments, to make sure he was focusing on God in all aspects of "his Christian living."

He says that God achieved what Henry thought he wanted, because, for the last few weeks of his life, his ministry, instead of being music and preaching, was that "through this pain, and through this suffering, he was able to give the gospel __________ (to so many?)" The end was partly drowned out by amens.

He read the verses about the thorn in Paul's side, and says that Henry was "at peace" with his ailment. He goes on to say something about all of the Christians there understanding this.

Now, I would be turned off enough by this whole idea of suffering and painfully dying being a ministry.

But there's more.

He goes on: "But there's another group of people here tonight. And I don't say this with any kind of unkindness whatsoever. I say this with all the love in the world, the bible says with all the love in the world, you must be born again in Christ. I know that he was excited - he was excited, to be laying in that hospital bed, with the gospel tracts, handing them to nurses and doctors, talking to them and witnessing to them."

He feebly jokes about how the hospital employees had to be there and couldn't "slam the door on him," then proceeds to give them all some more guilt about Henry's wanting everyone to come to Christ. The usual turn-or-burn shit ensues, and more guilt-mongering in a prayer.

They sing When the Roll is Called Up Yonder. It's hard to tell whether there is actually an altar call before the video cuts off - something is said about dismissal and refreshments in another room, but also about something going on in the room they are in, and to be quiet and not bring food with them if they come back in there.

It is not my place to say whether this is just the kind of tribute Henry would have wanted, and I guess it's none of my business. But using someone's illness and death, that sounded like it was untimely and somewhat of a mystery, to fear-monger others, and comfort themselves that his last painful weeks were just another glorious aspect of his ministry, really saddens and sickens me.

[postscript]

9 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Mine, as well, and then on to the Allan Sherman parody.

Actually, that’s “Ya Gotta Have Heart.” Haven’t listened to it in a while. And I had no idea there was an Allan Sherman parody, though I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. 

Sounds like Gary’s message fits in well with most of the other speakers. I’m kind of mean.y glad he had to deal with snow while delivering this tripe. 

[thoughtful]

Another preaching gig in Utica - Gary seems to be making Brother Henry's death into an opportunity to save many souls feed his ego and possibly his bank account.

[Ozlsn]

16 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He says that God achieved what Henry thought he wanted, because, for the last few weeks of his life, his ministry, instead of being music and preaching, was that "through this pain, and through this suffering, he was able to give the gospel __________ (to so many?)"

Ergh. I get that the whole mantra of this particular strain of Christianity is very much geared towards everything happening is God pushing/using/testing you in some way, but I am with you on the not being in favour of glorifying pain and suffering. I hope that the idea at least brought some comfort to Henry, but overall I wish they'd been able to give him better pain relief.

[thoughtful]

As he begins his message at Faith Baptist Temple in Utica, Gary tries to make jokes about the weather, and how he's eager to get back to Tennessee to get out of the snow.

The Kentucky Fried collection bucket has returned - haven't seen that in a while.

Spoiler

He stumbles through something about how he knows their pastor, and something about Henry, and tells them he appreciates the opportunity, then, suddenly louder, "First Corinthians chapter fifteen, settin' in the motel earlier t'day, just tryin' t'figure out what the Lord would have, did wanna say ah appreciate last night, ah b'lieve the Lord, ah b'lieve the Lord, an' ah b'lieve Brother Hinry would be well-pleased  . . . " he descends into mumbles, drowned out by a man yelling "Yes, sir" and the sound of rustling bible pages.

 After a few tropes about God having a plan that Gary can't possibly understand, he returns to 1 Corinthians 15, "verses 51."

He does OK with verse 51, but then starts improvising.

KJV:  In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.
BGV:  In a moment, in the twinklin' of an ah, at the last trump for the trump shall sound, and the dead in Christ shall rise. Incorruptible, and we shall be changed.

He does somewhat better with the rest.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+15%3A51-58&version=KJV

This is a very responsive congregation, yelling lots of amens, and Gary looks as happy as can be. He rattles on about heaven being a wonderful place. He complains that preachers always used to preach about the second coming, but he can't remember the last time he heard one do so (really, Gary?), and he thinks it's because some of them don't think it's coming. He also thinks they don't preach about heaven (really, Gary?), because "evidently, they're not ready t'go."

He says that he's ready for heaven any time, even though he loves what the Lord gave him here on earth. What does he mention specifically? I bet you can guess.

Spoiler

"Ah got an F350, ah'm not willin' t'give it up an' an' everythin', until heaven."

Yep - the precious truck.

After something I can't understand, he says, "Listen, ah've already asked a few people not to break in it since ah moved over where ah moved to, but one these days they can have it, but that's when ah'm gohn, amen?"

He talks about how many people have been dying lately - preachers, preacher's wives, his mother (he now estimates that as "about three months ago") - so now "heaven's soundin' sweet."

Among the reasons he lists why the world is a horrible place to live is lies in the White House - gotta get those politics in.

He says that, once in a while, when she's happy with him, his wife tells him he's perfect. We hear a derisive laugh from Becky. But he won't need to hear that when he gets to heaven and sees Jesus.

In heaven, there will be no more snow, it won't be too hot or too cold, no more sweating (that gets a very loud "amen" from one woman).

He does his usual heaven riff about the street of gold and mansions,  asking Becky if he can visit her mansion, and how she says she's not sure, after living with him "all these years." But this time he adds the following:

"She tol' me th'other day, she says, 'Ah'm dyin' before you do.' Ah said 'Oh no, you're not.' She says, 'Yeah, ah gotta have a little tahm bah mahself 'fore you get there!'"

And the crowd goes wild.

He says that "his preacher" (Pastor Baker, I assume) said something about wishing "we could know what women's thinkin'," and Gary says he went to him after church and said "You don't wanna know. You really don't wanna know - you just think you wanna know." He says that knowing what his wife is thinking might make him "nervousssss."

I must be mis-hearing what comes next, because, even for Gary, it sounds truly bizarre to me. If anyone else wants to take a crack at it, it starts at 7:06.

https://www.facebook.com/ghawkins38/videos/297693552800649

"There's a gah we go to church with, an' - heh - he said - him an' his wahf are now separated, she found her another fella, just think like uh - what with what God give ya ain't good enough anymore amen? Ya gotta go lookin' fer somethin' else. But he said uh - he said somebody told him that, he didn't believe it, an' finally one day he told her, he said 'Ah prayed God killed you a long tahm ago.' Ah don't know if mah wahf's ever prayed that an' ah don' wanna find out, amen. Yah say wha? Because _______ (something I can't understand at all)."

He goes back to talking about how awful the world is, and how wonderful heaven is. Then he starts on the crap about kitty litter in schools, now adding that kids are "getting their faces implanted, to look like a cat."

He assures them "Now, listen, if you're a cat lover, don't worry, ah did not come t'git yer cats. Ah don't lahk 'em, ah despahse 'em, ah think a sticka dahnemite would be good fer all of 'em, amen!"

Gary doesn't want to look like a cat or a dog, but like a man, just like God made him. Also, "God didn't make transginders, God made men an' women. God didn't make sodomahts, God made male and female."

He says they can be saved, though. I'm sure everyone will be thrilled to know your opinion on that, Gary. 🙄

Also, "didju know that Covid's never goin' away?" He goes into his weird bit about how it's real, and he's known people who had it, but it's not killing people like "they" say, "it was that tahm for that person t'dah. Ah know people don't lahk good preachin' lahk this, but that's OK."

He says he had pneumonia and "th'Covid," and "if they're raht, accordin' to their uh uh uh documents - ah should not be here today."

All of this, in just eleven minutes.

I need a break.

 

 

 

Edited January 11 by thoughtful
removing redundancy, riffles

[Xan]

19 hours ago, thoughtful said:

"Ah know people don't lahk good preachin' lahk this, but that's OK."

No, Gary.  That isn't good preaching.  I'm not sure it even qualifies as preaching.  And, if there was a just God, Gary really shouldn't still be here but that has nothing to do with Covid.

[thoughtful]

OK, folks - I'm going in again.

At minute 11 of last night's shitshow at Faith Baptist Temple in Utica, Gary asks them to  "look over in John chapter 14, real quick-like" and assures them they'll be out of there by midnight.

In stellar Gary fashion, he goes on (I may not be understanding all of this correctly): "John chapter 14, look in verses one, an' ahwanna tellya somethin' ya started comin' ya started comin' t'the verse, it'd be better, we better pay attention to th'verse, the very first verse, now this is not where ah'm goin', but it says let not your heart be troubled: ye b'lieve in God, believe also in me."

Gary, if it's not where you're going, wtf was all of that about?

He then does a whole bit about God giving people the ability to get through their trials. It sounds like he's directing it at someone specific he doesn't think is grateful enough. He does a preacher-dance routine dangerously close to the edge of the dais, just barely missing the collection plates, as he screams about how God doesn't owe anyone anything, because he hung on the cross, etc.

Spoiler

 

 After this screamfest (that, I remind you, wasn't his original point), he quickly barks out more of John 14, sounding angry:

Quote

2 In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.

3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.

4 And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know.

5 Thomas saith unto him, Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way?

6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

As usual, he says "whether" instead of "whither" in verses 4  and 5. I wonder if he knows what whither means. His way of reading it makes it sounds like Jesus may or may not be going to keep this promise, which strikes me as a weird thing for him to think.

He yells about how heaven is eternal, and how his mother and Henry aren't suffering any more.

"Ahmanna tellya raht now, you kin have that little song where it says let me have a little uh cabin in a corner uh glor -  ah done lived in mah cabins this sahda eternity, ah want mah mansion. You kin have - hey, you want a cabin? Ah'll ask God t'work it out where you kin have it on the other side. AMEN!"

He and some of the congregation are screaming at top volume at this point.

Spoiler

He dances close to the collection plate again, and, this time, his heel hits it on his way back from the edge.

Gary says he'll be perfect in heaven, but he's taking his "hillbilly words" with him, which leads him to a routine about his way of speaking. He says he's working on a "hillbilly dictionary," and that he said a word the other day that Becky didn't understand, even when he explained it to her. He jokes about how she claims to be a hillbilly, since she's from West Virgina, but she's a "city slicker."

And he goes back to screaming about how heaven is forever for a while.  This turns to screaming about how the world was destroyed by flood, except that "Noah and his family got in, an' that was it. Now the next time, it's gonna be burnt."

He claims that "when we first got into a good bahble-b'lievin' church," a Jehovah's Witness challenged his daddy's claim that the earth would be burnt up, asking where God was going to get the matches.

Spoiler

He does his bit about wanting to hang around with John the Baptist in heaven, because they are both so mean, then on to how the world is going downhill, and how Christians will be persecuted. That leads to his electric chair bit - he's going to keep preaching when they put him in prison, so "t'git me t'shut up, they're prob'ly gonna haveta frah me."

While screaming about how "the church" is not acting right and doing right, he says, "We need to quit bein' dead, y'say wha?  God ain't dead. Y'know they made a movie about that? J'know what ah never watched it, but ah found out way before the movie God was not dead y'say 'What ya do?' Ah opened up the King James bahble. Said he was alahve."

"Am ah makin' sense tonight?"

Some fool yells "Yes sir!"

On to the next reading - I shall return.

[Xan]

Dammit.  Gary picked a passage of the Bible that I always liked.  Now I won't be able to remember the line about mansions without thinking about Gary feeling he's owed a mansion after he dies.  Fortunately, I'm older than Gary and I might be able to glimpse him departing the earth (from where I'm possibly floating in the ether) and catch him being completely pissed off about there not being any mansions at all.

He sounds as if he really lucked out with this congregation.  There's nothing he likes better than an Amen chorus from the audience.

[FiveAcres]

17 hours ago, thoughtful said:

OK, folks - I'm going in again.

 

Thank you for your service.

[thoughtful]

Continuing his show - er, heartfelt message - from Wednesday evening, Gary asks them to go to John 16. He's silent for a while, takes a swig of water, says something I can't understand, then, over the sound of rustling pages, explains why he preaches "negative stuff."

"Ah have t'have mah negative - negative stuff in there, ya say 'Wha?' Here's what ah want ya t'do about this negative stuff. You b'lieve it's not true? Go take yer - negative battery offa yer - cable offa yer battery, see how ___ (?) send ya t'church amen. An' don't call me t'figure it out." 

He reads John 16:22, mostly error-free - "joy," as usual, comes out "Joey."

Quote

 And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you.

After more about the dead loved ones he will see in heaven, he does his routine about disliking family reunions. Stepping over the collection plate again to dance near the edge, he tells them he hardly knows anyone in either of his parents' families: "When ah wint t'mah mama's funeral here just a few weeks back, ah mighta known fahv or six people _______ (mumble).

Gary's need to say how long ago things happened, despite the fact that he can't seem to keep track, sometimes really gets under my skin. His mother's death was on 11/6/23, the funeral was on 11/10. In two days, I've heard him say it was 8-10 weeks ago, 3 months ago, and "just a few weeks back." If you don't want to do the math, Gary, it's OK to just say "recently."

But I digress. Why is he talking about how few members of his family he knows? To make the point that he'll be more excited to meet with all of the biblical figures in heaven. He wants to talk to Paul, John the Baptist, Peter (who "stuck his foot in his mouth, all th'tahm - most of us do that, amen!), Jeremiah, Job - a cheerful little group! Then he lists a bunch of dead preachers he wants to meet or see again, as well.

He asks them to turn to 1 Corinthians 13, and "look in verses 12."

KJV: For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
BGV: For now. We. See through they glass, darkly; but then face to face: know ah - know ah now - now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also. I am known.

He does his routine about seeing Jesus face to face. Gary says he will spend eternity thanking Jesus, and it will take that long, because Jesus took the cat-o-nine tails (and etc., on to the list of tortures, death, hell) for him.

There is a high-pitched sound that is making this already echo-y video even harder to understand, and Gary is dropping down to a mumble from some of his yells, so I'm having a tough time hearing some things.

While talking about Jesus' taking away his sins, and forgiveness, he says, "Mah preacher, whenever ah first moved t'Tinnissee an' become a member of this church he lived down in - an' y'know, ya gotta check these people out. So he checked me out. He come to me one day an' said, 'Brother Hawkins, you got any enemies?'"

Becky giggles. Gary threatens the collection plate again:

Spoiler

"Ah said, 'In every state, in every country. An' more than one.' You say 'Wha?' You ain't gonna believe this but ah've had - in the last month, ah've had two people who blocked me ohn Facebook, ________ (? something about the bible?)."

He screams about the inspired infallible King James bible for a while, and how he doesn't need Greek or Hebrew or college. Then on to wanting to live in God's will, which brings him back to the previous evening's funeral.

"Y'know, when the preacher, the last preacher got up, ah don't know his name, only been around him for a cup - not even maybe a couple hours whatever, an' everything, but when he talked about Brother Henry being willing t'suffer. Ah tellya raht now, y'gotta be very close t'God t'do that. Amen. You won't be a backslidden Christian an' say 'God ah'm willin' t'suffer.'"

This pose goes with that last bit:

Spoiler

Gary, I don't think Henry chose to suffer, or that it had anything to do with his closeness to God. He was horribly ill with something that made him suffer, you dirtbag.

He asks them what they'd be willing to suffer to save someone's soul. After a short detour to talk about his grandfather wanting to see people saved, Gary is on to the subject of another recently deceased friend. And it's an eloquent tribute, as only Gary can deliver:

"Ah remember the - not th'last tahm but maybe th'tahm before that whenever - it mighta been th'last tahm, ah don't know, don't know what th'last tahm, but the last tahm ah preached for Brother Mike he just got down - back - he just got his ___ (home?) for the revival, an' ah remember that th'tahm before that, we would go upstairs every mornin' before we would go out soul-winnin', an' we would pray - we would pray for our _____(?). We would pray for souls t'be saved. An' Brother Mike been gone for a little over a year now, ah b'lieve we might be able to see somma that _____(?) amen?"

He goes on to rhapsodize about how Mike and Henry's churches have flourished (he makes it sound like Mike's is doing better now that he's gone, which doesn't quite come off the way he means it, I think).

After referencing 1 Corinthians 15:58 saying to "be steadfast," he says, "Ah'm gonna tellya how ya gonna be steadfast - git yerself glued - in the center. See now we got these rat traps - most people still use those ones that flip over - ah'm skeerda those; ah lahk my fingers a little bit better. So somebody came up an' said 'We gonna _____ (fix that?)!' Hey, guess what? Those rats get in those glue things,  they're there. 'Til they dah."

After some mumbles I can't decipher, he goes on with this lovely metaphor. "Y'know what? Stick steadfast, unmoveable, always ______ (abounding?). Y'say 'Wha?' 'Cause _______ (? I think he says "he sees y'do that" - he's posing pointing up to the ceiling).

Several times during this, he has acted out the part of the rat (or person) stuck on the glue, using his front paws  - er, hands:

Spoiler

And he announces another reading - there are nine more minutes of this funfest. Stick steadfast, like a dying rat in a glue trap, and I shall return!

[Xan]

He's quite the cheerful little bugger, isn't he?  Rats in traps and people being willing to suffer -- he does love being negative.

I just realized while reading this, @thoughtful, that Gary doesn't care much about anyone (except Trump) on this planet because he thinks he's going to be famous in heaven.  He's going to pal around with Paul and John the Baptist and all his favorite old timey preachers.  It's bizarre.  He must really believe that Paul is just sitting up there waiting for him and thinking, "I can't wait until that eloquent Gary Hawkins arrives!"  

[postscript]

Good to see that being off the road hasn’t changed Gary any. Same inability to read the Bible, same routines about hell, same delight in suffering, same weird little insights into his personal life and thought process.

Most people envision their loved ones or their fur babies waiting to welcome them to the afterlife. Gary, in his infinite egotism, expects all the great Biblical thinkers to be waiting eagerly to have a chat with him when he arrives in Heaven. If that ever happens, Gary may find Paul doesn’t have the same opinions about thr KJV that he does. The Bible in its present form didn’t exist in Paul’s day, much less the English language.

Gary, Henry (or, for that matter, your mother or Becky) did not choose to suffer. Nobody does. If God actually approached you and asked if you’d be willing to suffer, your cowardly little soul would run far, far away. 

[thoughtful]

13 hours ago, Xan said:

Gary doesn't care much about anyone (except Trump) on this planet because he thinks he's going to be famous in heaven.  He's going to pal around with Paul and John the Baptist and all his favorite old timey preachers. 

 

3 hours ago, postscript said:

Gary, in his infinite egotism, expects all the great Biblical thinkers to be waiting eagerly to have a chat with him when he arrives in Heaven.

I especially love the fact that he's chosen all glum, disaster-ridden, critical, cranky biblical characters. He actually said he wanted to sit with Job and hear his stories. I bet he'd ask him if he spoke at any of the funerals of his original ten children, or if he refused because of some petty doctrinal difference.

Gary has posted:

Spoiler

Gary, who almost never answers Facebook comments except to get into brief arguments, had a whole conversation with this guy - I guess it's because it might be an opportunity to preach. But it's in prisons, Gary - aren't you afraid of prisons? We do find out that Gary is working.

 

[thoughtful]

  I am determined to finish listening to the Wednesday night message - here goes.

Gary mumbles for a while, something about 2 Timothy, looking back and forth from his notes to his bible, flipping pages and looking perturbed for a long, awkward minute. Near the end, a man suggests "Fight the good fight?" Gary gives up on finding what he was supposed to read next, and his last mumble sounds like "our rewards."

Was it something from 2 Timothy 4:1-8, perhaps, Gary? I know you love that passage.

He wanders to the dangerous spot again, regains his energy somewhat, and asks "How many ya lahk t'be rewarded?"

Probably everyone, Gary, and I hope it leads to a better metaphor than negative battery cables and rats trapped on glue.

He tells the story of the time, when he was a kid, his Christian school offered a trophy for any student who could do two years of work in one year. I have no idea if this story is completely apocryphal, got twisted up in the glue trap of Gary's mind, or is actually what happened. And it may have been for one subject, like bible memorization or something. But it sure sounds like they had no clue of how learning or child development works. Gary says most people don't believe him "because mah education didn't go very far," but he did it, and he got a trophy.

"You know what? Y'know what ah'm gonna git when ah go to heaven? Friends."

We interrupt this recap for me to imagine how Gary pictures his arrival in heaven:

Spoiler

Job, John the Baptist, Paul, Peter, Jeremiah and various old-timey preachers sing to Gary, while playing in a fountain:

So they all told you death was gonna be so swell,
You’re glad your back’s not broke
And burning up in hell!
You’ve gotta watch your sins, so sit right here,
When the film is done; a day? A week? A month?
Or even a year, then;

We'll be there for you
(even though you’re a bore)
We'll be there for you
(and your rants make us snore)
We'll be there for you
('Cause we’re all stuck like glue)!

 

OK, back to Gary's message.

Some general platitudes are next - Gary wants to have crowns to throw at Jesus' feet, he wants to be used by God, Paul said he was "th'least of th'least" and "there ain't nothin' good in me except" . . . pointing to the ceiling . . . ."Jesus."

"Listen, hey, ah don't know whether it'll happen or not, but ah don't really want uh a martyr's death, but if it comes t'me, that'll be a crown in mah ______ (?)."

What happens to all of the crowns tossed at Jesus' feet? Does he just magic them away once they are counted? Does he have to keep thanking people? It sounds annoying to me, and I can't help picturing Dustin Hoffman as Jesus:

Spoiler

In case you don't know the reference:

 

Gary screams about how much Jesus suffered, and goes on about being rewarded. "The only way t'hear 'well done, mah good an' faithful servant' is to be a well done, good and fir- faithful - faithful servant."

Wouldn't you be more well-done in hell, Gary?

Sorry - easy joke.

Also, I think he was about to spoonerize syllables, but pulled it out at the last second. I would have loved to hear "firthful save-ant." A true, one-letter spoonerism would have been even better, because "saithful fervent," would have been the first time Gary ever pronounced the word "fervent" correctly.

Ah, well.

Gary natters on about being patient, and repeats some stuff he's already said, then points to Becky:

Spoiler

"Uh when mah wahf w'MS, listen ah'm gonna be honest with ya whenever the doctor told us, that it that it was already ______ (thinkin'?) t'that  . . . it's not it's not it's not  a funny thing t'have. See, with cancer, they try t'help cure it. MS? Ain't no cure for it. They just trah t'get you some madison t'trah t'keep you from gittin' any worse. An' it might work, an' it might not work. Amen? But th'hard part of it is is - seein' her go through the - stuff. Makes me - hurt."

"An' a lotta tahms she won't even tell me some days what she's goin' through, 'cause she knows  - ah'm at work, doin' mah thing, gotta concentrate, an' listen ahmanna tellya raht now, here's th'way ah am; you don't give me more'n' one thing t'do at a tahm. You give me one ____ (?) t'do at a tahm, you want me t'do sumpin' else, when ah git done with that 'cause ya say 'Wha?' 'Cause ah'll mess it up. But ah'm gonna _____ (? stay patient? stay an' take it?). Whatever it is God wants for Gary."

I'm not leaving out any prelude, middle, or further comments - the previous two paragraphs were all Gary had to say about the trials presented by Becky's condition; a depressing description of how hopeless it is, how it hurts him, and how she protects him from worrying about her because he can't hold two thoughts at a time.

"Lookit Jude - we'll be done." He misreads Jude 22-23 as usual:

KJV: And of some have compassion, making a difference: And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.
BGV: And some, having compassion, making a difference: And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.

Not that Gary would ever try to save someone with compassion - his preaching is fear-based all the way. But he never seems to notice that verse 22 doesn't say what he thinks it does.

He tells them that he tries to pull people out of the fire. He leaves gospel tracts wherever he goes - "restaurants, bathrooms, motels, whatever." He's looking forward to meeting the people he saved when he gets to heaven.

"_______ (incoherent sounds) Ah jus' lahk, ah thought 'bout it t'day when ah was thinkin' 'bout this; Brother Hinry - Hinry t'heaven! He prob'ly went over and worshipped God for a little bit, amen! An' then somebody seen him,  that he had wanted t'get on the ____ (?) through him ____ (?)." He nods and mumbles, then "Somebody on the other sahda heaven'll say "HEY!' Hey, ah just wanna letchu know, ah'm here becausa you.'"

That first "HEY!" may have been the loudest shout I have ever heard from Gary. He goes on yelling, imitating the person in heaven accosting poor Henry with "Ah'm here because you didn't quit, you didn't give up, you didn't stop, you didn't mahnd preaching - the truth."

He does more of his "don't quit" shit, and a short version of his usual "do you know you're going to heaven bit, then prays, including asking that "the raht man" come to take Henry's place in his church.

He came close so many times, but never stepped on that collection plate and went zooming off of the dais (or just onto his ass). Sorry if that's a disappointment to anyone.

Edited January 14 by thoughtful
riffles, fixing pictures

[Ozlsn]

4 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

See, with cancer, they try t'help cure it. MS? Ain't no cure for it. They just trah t'get you some madison t'trah t'keep you from gittin' any worse. An' it might work, an' it might not work. Amen? But th'hard part of it is is - seein' her go through the - stuff. Makes me - hurt."

I think that is Gary's most emotionally honest statement about Becky ever. Yes, all about him, but he doesn't have the tools (emotional or vocabulary) to express emotions other than anger well, and I would guess mostly he expresses strong, non-happy emotion through anger. His faith and culture leaves him in a hard place - even with tools he can't be angry at God/the universe because it's God testing him and Becky, no matter how afraid he is of losing her and of the disease progression. He can't express that fear because firstly he's a manly man and secondly he's expected to place all trust in God and be not afraid. He also doesn't seem to express love well, which is probably more cultural. 

Especially after his mother's death I think he is experiencing a maelstrom of emotion, combined with his aversion to disease and suffering, and to be honest this looks like the closest to emotional honesty he's managed. I hope Becky has support for her longer term care because Gary, no matter how much he loves her, is not going to be a reliable carer who can place her needs above his.

It looks like Henry's death, his mother's death and Becky's illness are causing him to reflect on his own mortality as well right now, in a slightly more immediate than usual way.

He's still pretty hung up on having a 5BR with indoor toilets and maybe a swimming pool in heaven though. 

Also all the screenshots still make me think he preaches at least partly through the medium of interpretive dance.

[Xan]

So Gary thinks he's pulling people out of the fire by leaving tracts everywhere.  He and David Rodrigues must think those tracts are magical.  Well, they are easy.  You don't have to help anyone out, take care of them when they're ill, help them through an emotional crisis, or hold their hands when they're dying.  All you have to do it just leave a tract somewhere and your work is done.  How terribly convenient.

Then again, he also feels that he's saving people with his hard preaching.  That works for him too.  He gets to dance around, throw his arms in the air, shout, and misread passages.  Later, people will yell at him in heaven to thank him for setting them straight.

I don't know how you do it, @thoughtful.  Just reading Gary makes me both angry and exhausted.

[thoughtful]

3 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

I think that is Gary's most emotionally honest statement about Becky ever. Yes, all about him, but he doesn't have the tools (emotional or vocabulary) to express emotions other than anger well, and I would guess mostly he expresses strong, non-happy emotion through anger.

Oh, yeah - I think it does really hurt him to see Becky in distress, and I think that's probably about equally divided between his adoring her, in his Gary way, and being like a toddler who doesn't want to see one of his toys broken or taken away.

It's not the first time he's said such things, BTW - do you remember the sermon in which he described her having leg tremors while lying with her legs on his lap? I think there have been a few other times he's expressed how upsetting her pain is to him.

He just never seems to add anything about her feelings - maybe he doesn't realize how callous and selfish he sounds, maybe he's just too simple to take the next step mentally, maybe he is that selfish - it's hard to tell.

3 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

His faith and culture leaves him in a hard place - even with tools he can't be angry at God/the universe because it's God testing him and Becky, no matter how afraid he is of losing her and of the disease progression. He can't express that fear because firstly he's a manly man and secondly he's expected to place all trust in God and be not afraid.

So much this. I have very little sympathy for the adults in their world, at this point (although I'd love to see any and all of them break free of it). But it breaks my heart that they are raising children in this hamster wheel (not to be confused with a rat trap!) of being expected to always say (and think) "God is good, all the time - all the time, God is good." Expressing grief, and anger over a loved one's death, or fear of something other than the wrath of God, is squelched. And someone going through an agonizing illness is expected to be a shining example and never say "This sucks."

3 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

Also all the screenshots still make me think he preaches at least partly through the medium of interpretive dance.

He absolutely does - he is all over the place when he preaches. He's Billy Sunday, without the baseball background, or a bee telling the other bees where the pollen is.

1 hour ago, Xan said:

I don't know how you do it, @thoughtful.  Just reading Gary makes me both angry and exhausted.

Thanks. He makes me angry and tired, as well. But I keep going back to listen, partly because I like exposing how awful this crap is, and because sometimes there is comedy gold hidden among the dung.

I mean, things like "ah thought 'bout it t'day when ah was thinkin' 'bout this" and "not th'last tahm but maybe th'tahm before that whenever - it mighta been th'last tahm, ah don't know, don't know what th'last tahm, but the last tahm" are just so quotable! 😁

Edited January 14 by thoughtful
riffle

[Ozlsn]

5 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He just never seems to add anything about her feelings - maybe he doesn't realize how callous and selfish he sounds, maybe he's just too simple to take the next step mentally, maybe he is that selfish - it's hard to tell.

My gut feeling is that he's not that bright and hasn't been taught to consider how what he is saying might sound and to think about how the other person might be feeling.

5 hours ago, thoughtful said:

But it breaks my heart that they are raising children in this hamster wheel

Yes, and not all of them are going to have the IQ, EQ or just general curiosity remaining in them to be able to step back and question the beliefs they've been raised with, especially if they were homeschooled as well. Gary is very much a product of his upbringing, but I hope his children and grandchildren are able to see more broadly.

[AmazonGrace]

Goodness, Gary, why do you ask people to lie?

Spoiler

"Am ah makin' sense tonight?"

Some fool yells "Yes sir!"

 

[thoughtful]

More chat under Gary's post about getting home:

Spoiler

Gary, how can you be friends with people who let their wimminfolk wear slacks?

https://www.facebook.com/davidbecky.harrell

[postscript]

17 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

Also all the screenshots still make me think he preaches at least partly through the medium of interpretive dance

Looking at the screenshots again this morning, there are several in which he looks like he’s about to use the collection plate as a chamber pot. 

Also, why does this church have both nice collection plates and KFC buckets? Are they for different purposes? 
 

13 hours ago, thoughtful said:

sometimes there is comedy gold hidden among the dung.

This is why I follow Bro Gary. He is up there with the most hateful and negative people we follow, definitely among the top five in a crowded field. When he tries to add humor, he falls flat, largely because his humor is bigoted and misogynistic. However, Gary is frequently unintentionally funny, and it’s those moments which make him worth watching.