Franki ~ mommyofdaniel (funerals for 8&5 wk miscarriages)

[almostfundylyte]

I'm guessing the attack in college was someone tossed a friend a pen and the pen grazed her head on its way across the room. If I had to fill out an attack report or call security everytime that happened in one of my classes, I'd never get any teaching done.

****

On another note, I agree with her that miscarriage is traumatic, no matter what stage of pregnancy. I've had 2 in the past year, one at 9-10 weeks, and the second was a chemical pregnancy. Both were dificult, but I don't freak out and require everyone to acknowledge them. Only a handfull of people even know about the second one, and I prefer it that way. A friend and I had the same due date for my first miscarriage, and it is kind of hard seeing pictures of her baby and knowing mine should be doing the same things, but I still hold her baby and play with him and love him to pieces.

[Guest Anonymous]

I'm guessing the attack in college was someone tossed a friend a pen and the pen grazed her head on its way across the room. If I had to fill out an attack report or call security everytime that happened in one of my classes, I'd never get any teaching done.

****

On another note, I agree with her that miscarriage is traumatic, no matter what stage of pregnancy. I've had 2 in the past year, one at 9-10 weeks, and the second was a chemical pregnancy. Both were dificult, but I don't freak out and require everyone to acknowledge them. Only a handfull of people even know about the second one, and I prefer it that way. A friend and I had the same due date for my first miscarriage, and it is kind of hard seeing pictures of her baby and knowing mine should be doing the same things, but I still hold her baby and play with him and love him to pieces.

almostfundylyte, I'm very sorry for your losses.

[freehannie]

Her explanation of the "murder"'s motives is pretty disturbing as well. It sounds like her husband feeds her paranoia (or she ascribes to him her own strange thoughts)

mommyofdaniel.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2011-11-30T21:38:00-06:00&max-results=7

I beat her in a national competition. Paul's comment was that she was jealous. I achieved my goal and dream of a doctorate, and she doesn't even have a college degree. (This is not to belittle those who don't have one because my grandparents didn't, and they were some of the most influential people in my life. But, please, don't belittle me for having one then when I don't belittle her for not having one! Sigh!) Don't hate me because I have been determined, hard working, and held onto a deep belief in myself to achieve my goals and dreams, no matter HOW difficult the circumstances were. This was Paul's observation after reading her self promoting biography that she wrote on her own website. Paul looked at me one day after reading her bio and told me, "She's jealous of you for your career success, for your academic success, for your personal life success in overcoming obstacles, and your relational success with other people and the way you conduct yourself. It is obvious from her comments that she is green with envy and has sour grapes regarding her loss. Still, that was no reason to cyberbully to the death of our child.

I can't really snark. She sounds seriously disturbed. I hope she does get the help that she needs. I would be deeply concerned for any child that she managed to have with her as the primary caregiver.

Edited to break the link.

[chiccy]

OMG. :violin: :violin: :violin: I think this takes the cake.

Fucking unbelievable. Is this a parody? Surely an FJ'er wrote this. It must be that an FJ'er wrote this. Will the real Mommy of Daniel please stand up?

OMMMMMG. Where do I begin. First of all, how much time does this woman spend blogging? She has like 8 entries per day. Long motherfuckers, too. Rambling. Is it even possible to read the amount that she writes? And we're talking about posts with titles like "Dead Animals," complete with pictures. So many pictures. So much text. So much crazy.

The entry of December 14th at 12:52 just boggles my mind. The one where she's complaining about how somebody else got sympathy for the loss of their grown child, when she had had two miscarriages and didn't get even close to the same amount of sympathy. FOR FUCK'S BLOODY SAKE. In my mind, it is just about the greatest tragedy imaginable to lose a child, and I'm talking about a child who has had some time to live. Has made some memories with and for his/her parents. That is sad. Her two miscarriages? Sad, for sure, but NOT THE SAME. OMG I cannot believe the things she says in that post. If anyone here hasn't read it, you have to read it. It's infuriating beyond comprehension--even if you think you've seen it all.

When she puts up a post sympathizing with another babyloss mother, it goes something like this. She says 2 sentences about how sorry she is for that mom, then finishes out the post with some pictures of her dog being cute (and a comment about how that's what happens when she's blogging). If someone had done that to her--that is, had any dog pictures or the like to upstage or otherwise distract from HER loss--I'm sure she'd go crazy.

[vicka]

she is dangerous.

i'm very worried about the woman who "caused" her miscarriage via a comment, i'm very worried about that woman's children.

this is not going to end well.

is there anything we can do about this?

[pugglemama]

Coming out of lurkdom. I lost a baby almost 3 years ago and I've been blogging and reading baby loss blogs since then. I have never encountered someone as off as this woman. My first inclination is that she's lying or at least embellishing. She's obviously pro-life so maybe it's some sort of attempt to "prove" her case. My second inclination, due to her age, is that maybe she TTC with her first husband and now with her second, finally got pregnant, had a miscarriage, and it pushed her completely over the edge.

There are a lot of discrepencies. She said Danny was 2.5-3 inches long. An 8-9 week old fetus is not that long, more like 0.5-0.6 inches. A casket for a baby that tiny? A full church funeral? Cremating pads? It's all seriously insane. The length and content of her posts make her appear to be truly mad.

[Buzzard]

Coming out of lurkdom. I lost a baby almost 3 years ago and I've been blogging and reading baby loss blogs since then. I have never encountered someone as off as this woman. My first inclination is that she's lying or at least embellishing. She's obviously pro-life so maybe it's some sort of attempt to "prove" her case. My second inclination, due to her age, is that maybe she TTC with her first husband and now with her second, finally got pregnant, had a miscarriage, and it pushed her completely over the edge.

There are a lot of discrepencies. She said Danny was 2.5-3 inches long. An 8-9 week old fetus is not that long, more like 0.5-0.6 inches. A casket for a baby that tiny? A full church funeral? Cremating pads? It's all seriously insane. The length and content of her posts make her appear to be truly mad.

Would a church even HOLD a mass for a miscarraige? Surely there are rules on that!

[MarciaBrady]

she is dangerous.

i'm very worried about the woman who "caused" her miscarriage via a comment, i'm very worried about that woman's children.

this is not going to end well.

is there anything we can do about this?

I tried to read through a lot of the posts to see if I could find the name of the woman that she claims murdered her child, but she keeps saying "I'm not going to dignify that woman by using her name on my blog." I wish she would slip up and use the woman's name so we could notify her.

[chiccy]

my many, many angel cousins that my confused aunt aborted during the month of November.

How many abortions is it possible to have in a single month? Or was her confused aunt pregnant with a litter??

[pugglemama]

Would a church even HOLD a mass for a miscarraige? Surely there are rules on that!

I've never heard of it. We had a funeral for our daughter, but well, she was 20 weeks and we buried her in an actual cemetery. It was a private graveside service with only our closest family (parents/grandparents/siblings) and a couple of close friends.

[vicka]

How many abortions is it possible to have in a single month?

i was wondering about this too....

[vicka]

I've never heard of it. We had a funeral for our daughter, but well, she was 20 weeks and we buried her in an actual cemetery. It was a private graveside service with only our closest family (parents/grandparents/siblings) and a couple of close friends.

so sorry for your loss :(

[emmiedahl]

I am pretty sure a Catholic church would do it, especially if you paid for the mass. :) You can have a Mass dedicated to anyone, alive or dead, with a donation. And they believe that life begins at conception and that human remains should be respectfully disposed of (even remains from a miscarriage).

I don't this level of crayzee is the goal, but the Church certainly encourages it by accident. I know a lot of Catholic moms who count "angel babies" as members of their family.

[Witsec7]

Catholic mass for a miscarriage was part of the church of my childhood. In those days $25 you could get a mass said in someones name. It's probably costs more in todays money. The burial was usual FOC and infants we interred on top of grandparents, when there was an existing plot. The RCC cemetery also had a section for miscarriages I don't remember the name of it.

[ladypuglover]

Unrelated, but, sort of. At Thanksgiving, based on a random conversation earlier in the week with some cousins about our family - we were at a funeral so life and death were on our mind, for obvious reasons - I asked my mom if she knew whether my great-grandmother ever had a miscarriage or lost a child. She had nine kids between 1910 and 1928 but none of us knew whether she'd miscarried or lost a child or she only conceived and birthed the nine she raised.

My mother had absolutely no idea. She actually looked at me like I was kind of crazy for even asking in a 'what the hell does it matter' way. Then, probably to humor me or something, we talked of my grandma's generation and my mom's - and as far as my mom knows, there were no miscarriages for any of them. That doesn't mean there weren't, it just means she doesn't know. Which means if it did happen, it was not the most traumatic event of anyone's life making every member of the family for generations know and be affected.

So, um, no. Subsequent generations will not and do not grieve and mourn for miscarried children. They don't even know if there ever were miscarriages.

The woman is batshit crazy. I wonder what her family thinks of her?

See, in our family we sort of do know if our grands and greats lost pregnancies/babies due to the fact that we are so high risk. Premature labor/birth runs rampet in my family that we already know that my neice will have pegnancy problems when she grows up. right now the women in my family are batting a 1000, so it isn't an if but when.

Granted if you didn't have a family history, why would anyone care or even want to know?

[chiccy]

There is just too much to say...

The writing doesn't phase me as much as the fact that she is flat out fucking insane, yet claims to be a psychologist. Shouldn't she be able to spot the insanity before diving in? Shouldn't she know better? I am horrified that someone with trauma could end up with her as their support. What the hell does she say to help them?

She probably just tells her patients about HER tragedy over and over. She probably figures it will help them by showing that someone who has gone through much, much more than they have is still able to [something]. (Hold it together? Live a sane and happy life? No... Actually, I have no idea.) She probably also thinks all her trauma patients have far lesser traumas than hers.

Quote:

National Junior Honor Society

Parish (County)Social Studies Fair Winner, School Social Studies Fair Winner, competed with 12th graders when in 4th grade

Its very normal to list accomplishments from when you were 9 in your 40s.

LOL, yeah, totally normal. That awards list is quite a gem. WHAT a crazy narcissist. Those who have not seen it must check it out; it's on her Ms. Pelican State 2001 profile: http://msusstates.tripodDOTcom/net/id81.htm

"I look at the period punctuation mark the size of a poppy seed on this keyboard and think of her as a once 205 # woman who is now about 224# through her own admission and still compare that to a poppy seed. I have to ask myself why would someone be motivated to hurt and harm a little, tiny baby so tender and small? Why would someone be so cruel and hateful!? While I will ask the Lord for mercy for her, I will also ask the Lord for justice for our child!" (mommyofdaniel.blogspot.com/2011/09/murder.html)

Ouch, now that's a low blow, talking about Baby Murderer's weight. Especially since Franki herself seems to have gained quite a bit since her petite bridalwear modeling days.

Finally, Franki deserves sympathy, because

Quote:

Now my problem is that Dallas has had a 3 month drought going on. Our lakes and resevoirs are getting DANGEROUSLY close to not having enough drinking water. My Father-In-Law is STILL in the hospital recovering from renal failure due to a severe case of dehydration due to the drought and his elderly frail state

Seriously, how does someone in an urban/suburban area get dehydrated due to drought? The ban is on watering lawns and washing cars, not drinking water.

This woman cannot possibly have 1 Ph.D. and counting.

This post is golden. She got upset because a women interrupted her check out at the store so she could ask the only person working in the store about some products (for her baby). I agree that that's kind of rude, to interrupt, but she makes into a huuuge deal.

Quote:

Then she persisted in some kind of a selfish vein, which made her actions say that I didn't matter, wasn't as important as her, and could just wait as long

as necessary BEHIND her because (in her mind) NO ONE on the planet was as important as HER!

Pot kettle etc.

And this

Quote:

Then I got to thinking of how she was portrayed as more important than me. I knew better, but I thought about how she probably came across as a doating mother trying to take good care of her daughter. I thought how she probably came across as socially more important than me because she was caring for a young child. No, I do not expect a young child to be put behind me as a grown adult, but the child was not there with the mother. I also hardly doubt that the 120 seconds or two minutes it would have taken me to complete the check out process would hardly have killed the girl. On the other hand, I thought to myself, you know, I could be pregnant, but it is too early to tell right now. And if I actually am, then how dare she act like my child should wait in line behind hers. Here we go again!

People can't tell if you're pregnant by just looking at you (before you start showing) lady! The woman wasn't thinking anything about your child because she had no idea if you had any.

What I want to know is, why was Franki shopping for "products for her baby" if she didn't know she was pregnant yet?

Maybe he passed her a note telling her she was ugly...

And, finally...LOLOLOLOL at this! I totally bet it was that.

[ladypuglover]

I love this theory! All pro-choice people go out and have millions of abortions! I'm pro-choice, and I have 3 kids. My mom is pro-choice and has 6 kids. 2 of her sisters are pro-choice and each has 2 kids...so all together that is 13 kids born to pro-choicers in my family alone!

My pro-choice mother had 5 living children (and one who died at 3 days old due to a dr's mistake) who are all pro-choice. So out of her pro-choice off-spring she has 13 grandchildren. Not bad for being pro-murder. :roll:

[Alecto]

My parents are pro-life and I am pro-choice. I think her logic fails.

[slickcat79]

i was wondering about this too....

I think what she actually meant was that, during the month of november, she's going to do something special to remember her lost angel family members, etc, not that the aunt's "abortions" all happened during november. It's just a really poorly constructed sentence.

I think this one has had a psychotic break.

[fundiefan]

See, in our family we sort of do know if our grands and greats lost pregnancies/babies due to the fact that we are so high risk. Premature labor/birth runs rampet in my family that we already know that my neice will have pegnancy problems when she grows up. right now the women in my family are batting a 1000, so it isn't an if but when.

Granted if you didn't have a family history, why would anyone care or even want to know?

Knowing your family history as part of being aware of risk and medical issues is different than naming your great-grandparent's miscarried fetuses and mourning them and feeling their 'loss' three generations later.

[ladypuglover]

Knowing your family history as part of being aware of risk and medical issues is different than naming your great-grandparent's miscarried fetuses and mourning them and feeling their 'loss' three generations later.

good point. :oops: :doh:

[Sinister Rouge]

There is just too much to say...

She probably just tells her patients about HER tragedy over and over. She probably figures it will help them by showing that someone who has gone through much, much more than they have is still able to [something]. (Hold it together? Live a sane and happy life? No... Actually, I have no idea.) She probably also thinks all her trauma patients have far lesser traumas than hers.

ZOMG! She's Violet from Private Practice!

(Sorry, had to.)

Also, agreed that she is "batshit fucking insane" and, from what I understand, is living in Bassackwards Land: the tinier the fetus, the more tragic it's passing because of what it DIDN'T get to do. Baby dies at 20 weeks? "Well, at least he/she was known for their kicking and made an impact, unlike my poor innocent blastocyst!" Child dies? "Well, it had a name and a story but my fetus didn't! All he got was murdered by meanness!"

I'm not, at all, trying to minimize the loss of any child at any stage of pregnancy. It's a damn tragedy. I had an older brother who was born at 26 weeks gestation. My mother went in to premature labour and was given two options: they could stop her labour, but he could die in-utero, or she could give birth and they could do their best to save him - mind you, this was in England in the 1970's, so it looked bleak either way. My parents chose the latter, hoping to at least get to say goodbye, and he was born in to my father's hands less than an hour later because the doctors had left for lunch and the nurses didn't believe my mother when she said the baby was already coming. The last thing my mother knew of her third child were his weak cries as he was whisked out of the labour room by a panicking nurse. They never saw him again, not so much as a photograph, and to this day doesn't know what happened to his tiny body. It was a case of, "we're sorry he didn't make it, here are your discharge papers." It damn near killed her to lose her baby that way, and according to my dad she's never been the same since - there are deep-rooted psychological scars that she is simply never going to heal from. As a result, I'm a big advocate of mothers having the chance to see their babies, and to grieve a loss in any way they wish, and if this woman had burned up a maxi pad, put it in a coffin and kept it for herself? Well, that's her process and her business.

It's her absolute fucking ignorant perspective that her pain is the only pain that matters, her grasping for reasons why other people's children somehow don't count as much as a zygote does, and her vendetta against all of humanity who don't share her exact views on the preciousness of her fetuses(fetii?) that pisses me off.

Also, does she believe that other pregnant women put themselves in an impenetrable bubble for the entire 40 weeks of pregnancy (and, I guess, during any TTC time) so as not to encounter anything unpleasant and cause "babyloss"? Or is she just so sensitive and emotionally unstable that upsetting her can kill off the unborn? It was kind of weird where she said that she read that (arguably non-hostile) email and her blood pressure and heart rate were elevated for a full 48 hours! Hyperbole much, or could she be psychotic? (actually, I think I know the answer to that.) Part of me wishes she'd come here and explain her reasoning better, and another part of me is scared shitless that she reads this, lest she track me down and shoot me in the head. I haven't been a fetus for 25 years so I've probably more than worn out my welcome :?

Edited because I'm cold and shivery and riffling.

[Witsec7]

The dog blog is over the edge. I have a cat, it is my furbuddy, it is not my child.

[snarkykitty]

Sorry, but anyone who has their Master's degree should be able to write a coherent sentence. I'm not trying to be nitpicky, but therapists usually have to take notes (and often use dictation) for their files and for insurance reasons. I realize that a therapist's verbal communication skills are probably more important, but she writes like someone who doesn't know basic grammar.

"The dog had fleas due to him forgetting to do dog flea control."

I also question her skills as a therapist. Because of the fleas, they didn't sleep. "Read= no sleep almost to the point of psychosis!"

I'm sure she's exaggerating, but people usually don't exaggerate when talking about something that they have studied exclusively for many years. For example, a 20-year veteran firefighter wouldn't refer to a bonfire as a "forestfire!!!"

Apparently, her dog is a genius.

"Oh, and incidentally, when this woman's photo pops up on the computer screen, the dog barks, growls, snarls, and goes wild!"

She also has to convince her readers that it's just not possible, based on her self-administered personality tests, that she could have symptoms of hysterical pregnancy. The lady doth protest too much:

"One of my characteristics is that I do NOT have traits of psychosomatic illness- meaning I would not suffer psuedopregnancy symptoms because I *want* to be pregnant. A skeptic, yes, that I would be! Pregnancy symptoms without being pregnant, that I would not have."

This woman is obviously suffering, though the armchair psychologist in me thinks that the miscarriages are not the root of the issues.

I see shades of my mother in this woman, though thankfully, not to the same extreme.

I had two siblings who died a few years before I was born. They were twins, born a few months too early, and lived a total of less than three days. I'm not sure of the actual gestation age because my mother won't let us see the birth certificates, but knowing my family history and circumstances (parents are divorced), had they lived, I probably would never have been conceived (my father actually told me that).

My mother never got over it (she never lets go of anything) and made sure we never forgot about it. (Although she did tell us that they were angels, which was a comforting thought.) But she'd then shatter that image because she took us kids to the cemetery every year until I finally refused sometime around 13 or 14 years old. She still goes every year, and gets angry because none of us go there and take care of the grave marker (I remember her always using her keys to dig up grass that was covering the edges of the grave marker, sobbing and swearing).

I would rather honor the spirits of those who have died than to focus on where their bodies are buried. It's just too morbid for me. I know that it was a tremendous loss for my parents, but at some point, you have to move on emotionally.

After reading this thread (and that blog), I'm wondering if there was a funeral/memorial for my siblings, but they are buried in a cemetery, so there had to be something, right? They were baptized, because they were born in a Catholic hospital. I do know that they don't have headstones, just a flat plate with both their names, which my mother said was because they were babies. I don't know if that's really the case or what, but all the grave-markers in the area they are buried in, were infants. I remember that making me feel really sad. :(

[MarciaBrady]

I also question her skills as a therapist.

quote]

She slipped up on one of her blog posts and admitted that she changed her major from psychology to nutrition. So using the CrazyTalk to English Translation Dictionary, "I'm a psychologist with a Ph.D" roughly translates to "I took a couple of psychology courses once."