Franki ~ mommyofdaniel (funerals for 8&5 wk miscarriages)

[darkplumaged]

I'm particularly intrigued by her interest in her angel siblings and cousins. Like many (most?) people, I have an "angel sibling," who my mother miscarried when I was in kindergarten. She didn't tell me she had been pregnant until years later. I'm mildly curious about the child and adult he/she might have been, but I don't mourn him or her. I don't think my mom does, either; I don't remember her mentioning the miscarriage more than once or twice after she initially told me about it.

I also have an "angel" BIL (a sad story; my MIL lost him pretty late in pregnancy) and at least two "angel cousins." The thing is that my actual, living SIL and actual, living cousins--people I actually know and love--would not exist had their "angel siblings" been born. I, like most rational people, prefer to focus on the living.

[NurseNell]

I'm particularly intrigued by her interest in her angel siblings and cousins. Like many (most?) people, I have an "angel sibling," who my mother miscarried when I was in kindergarten. She didn't tell me she had been pregnant until years later. I'm mildly curious about the child and adult he/she might have been, but I don't mourn him or her. I don't think my mom does, either; I don't remember her mentioning the miscarriage more than once or twice after she initially told me about it.

I also have an "angel" BIL (a sad story; my MIL lost him pretty late in pregnancy) and at least two "angel cousins." The thing is that my actual, living SIL and actual, living cousins--people I actually know and love--would not exist had their "angel siblings" been born. I, like most rational people, prefer to focus on the living.

I have an angel sister who died at the age of 2 1/2 months (not a miscarriage, she was a term baby who lived 2 1/2 months). She never came home but went to a nursing home from the hospital. This was in 1947 before hospices and NICUs, etc. I don't know if I ever saw or met her, I wasn't quite 3 y.o. But her life and death have had a profound effect on me. She was never talked about, I only knew of her from my grandmother. Now that my parents are deceased I do have her hospital birth certificate with her footprints, which I cherish. I had her baby name bracelet from the hospital until a year ago when some stupid ass broke into my apt and stole my jewelry box. 15 years ago I decided to find out where she was buried. She is in a Holy Innocents' plot in NJ. You can see the New York City skyline from her grave. I went to her grave and spent an entire day there, crying, journaling, and talking to her. It was very healing and I'm so glad I did it. I haven't felt the need to return to her grave. If I lived nearby I would visit on her birthday but I don't live nearby.

[Jezebel]

Yikes! I have personally been in the depth of crayzee that multiple miscarriages can bring... I don't even understand this lady. I can't imagine that the polite email she quoted could bring about a miscarriage. And honestly? One cannot call it a miscarriage if not even a pee test confirms the pregnancy. I hope that conceiving and giving birth to a healthy infant will make her mind start functioning normally because I am really afraid for the person who "caused" the miscarriage of Stephen.

I don't think this one can be fixed by having a baby. In fact, I'd be terrified for any child she carried to term because she's just so, so off the rails. Yeah, grief can make otherwise sane people act in bizarre ways, but this? This poor lady is not "otherwise sane."

She's 44. The likelihood of her carrying a first child to term is pretty damned slim. And given her astounding self-centeredness, anger, paranoia, and utter inability to view others' actions independent of her own suffering, I think that's not a bad thing at all.

That said, I admit I got the shudders when she was talking about the woman who sent the email, and how she might feel if someone shot her kids. I can only hope that woman is aware of this blog, the "murder" accusation, and the truly insane level of hatred the blogger holds against her. Given another "miscarriage," who knows what she's likely to do?

[crazyforkate]

I'm particularly intrigued by her interest in her angel siblings and cousins. Like many (most?) people, I have an "angel sibling," who my mother miscarried when I was in kindergarten. She didn't tell me she had been pregnant until years later. I'm mildly curious about the child and adult he/she might have been, but I don't mourn him or her. I don't think my mom does, either; I don't remember her mentioning the miscarriage more than once or twice after she initially told me about it.

I have four "angel siblings" (three m/c and a stillbirth), and one of the best things my mother ever did for me was to keep them very much in the background. She told me about them, of course, and if it's relevant they come up again (especially my stillborn sister), but only as a mention. She has also flat-out refused to share her journal, letters and photographs from the time of my sister's death, saying that she will show them to me later, when she is still able to explain it but I am old enough to want to see it. She even flat out said that she didn't expect me to live up to my sister or the other losses. It allowed me to be me, and not just my mom's long-wanted baby. Can you imagine the expectations on any live baby this woman manages to produce? I shudder to think about it.

[crazyforkate]

And seriously, her great-grandchildren will be grieving for the death of Steve?! A chemical pregnancy?! I doubt many people know whether their great-grandmother had miscarriages, let alone mourn them.

[SheWoreLemon]

Another thing she said in a couple posts is that it takes three generations for a family to get over a trauma, which means that any children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren she has will have to deal with the death (and murder) of angel Danny and Stevy. *Every* family goes through some sort of trauma and *every* family has had a miscarriage in it. (I think our generation will be the first where the vast majority of women haven't had a miscarriage or stillborn because, unless your are trying to conceive, it is so easy for us to control our fertility.)

[kayray]

Another thing she said in a couple posts is that it takes three generations for a family to get over a trauma, which means that any children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren she has will have to deal with the death (and murder) of angel Danny and Stevy. *Every* family goes through some sort of trauma and *every* family has had a miscarriage in it. (I think our generation will be the first where the vast majority of women haven't had a miscarriage or stillborn because, unless your are trying to conceive, it is so easy for us to control our fertility.)

Jeez. Well, my grandmother had 13 miscarriages, and my mother 7 of them. Somehow, while I know they felt a loss, I certainly am not traumatized. Neither was my grandmother or mother, though they did feel a loss. I had had great losses that were much more direct in my life - like the death of a long term boyfriend, and grandparents, and cousins, and friends, and even those have not left me traumatized for life. Though I guess those do not count in her world as significant losses. This woman is BSC (batsh!tcrazy).

[darkplumaged]

And seriously, her great-grandchildren will be grieving for the death of Steve?! A chemical pregnancy?! I doubt many people know whether their great-grandmother had miscarriages, let alone mourn them.

Yes, that was also, um, interesting. :roll:

I have no idea if my grandmothers or great-grandmothers ever miscarried. (I never even knew any of my great-grandmothers!) But I guess I should light a candle and come up with some names in case they did.

NurseNell, I think there's a profound difference between how someone might feel about the death of a baby sibling (even if she didn't remember the sibling) and how she might react to hearing about her mother's early-term miscarriage. Your feelings about your sister make sense to me. She was born alive, and she had a life, even if it was very short. I think I, too, would cherish the memorabilia from a lost sibling's life, no matter how brief.

[Dinger]

Jeepers, they're not all locked away are they?

I don't know where to begin so won't :lol: I'll just say I hope she gets help soon :shock:

[Jezebel]

I'm particularly intrigued by her interest in her angel siblings and cousins. Like many (most?) people, I have an "angel sibling," who my mother miscarried when I was in kindergarten. She didn't tell me she had been pregnant until years later. I'm mildly curious about the child and adult he/she might have been, but I don't mourn him or her. I don't think my mom does, either; I don't remember her mentioning the miscarriage more than once or twice after she initially told me about it.

About six months before she got pregnant with my kid sister, my mom was pregnant with another baby--a boy, who turned out to have Edwards syndrome (Trisomy 18). She already had a special-needs kid with my brother (a Rubella baby), and a husband who was a spoiled manchild of Smuggaresque proportions, so even if there had been a chance of that boy surviving I think she would have gone through with an abortion. As it was, he died in utero within a day or two of the diagnosis, and IIRC she delivered him via an induced labor (I haven't asked her about this in years, and am not likely to anytime soon).

I remember her being sad about it, but if she grieved more she kept it to herself. I was old enough to understand that she was going to have a baby--as well as to understand the basics of why, all of a sudden, she wasn't going to have one after all. She did explain that he wouldn't have lived even if he was born, and that he would have suffered a lot before dying. So while she was sorry I wasn't going to have another brother, things were okay. These things happened, and we just had to accept that.

There was never any talk about "angel babies," and frankly I think knowing about the terrible birth defects and miserable, short life that poor baby would have had if he'd made it to term went a long way toward easing her sorrow. She didn't talk about him again until I asked her about him 15-20 years later; he wasn't a forbidden subject, just a closed one--there was nothing to say. And within a year and a half she'd given birth to a perfect, healthy baby girl, which she says healed any lingering grief she still felt.

[Mommy22alyns]

mommyofdaniel.blogspot.com/2011/06/graduation.html

edited to add this:

And this:

Oh yes, they're everywhere!!

[Parkersmom120106]

Short tie lurker here..think I heard about this board on DWOP and just recently looked it up. Anyway..just registered to say that she says in a couple of posts (I've only made it to mid October) that Danny would be however many months old and that she would be pregnant with Stevy. If you look at her dates..Danny's due date was September 21st and Stevy's death date is August 24th. Hmm..If Danny had made it to term she never would have concieved Stevy because she would have had almost a month left of Danny's pregnancy. And does it irk the hell out of anyone else that she says pregnant of instead of pregnant with?

[MarciaBrady]

According to this blog post, she changed her major from psychology to nutrition. So now studying psychology makes her a psychologist. Why does this even surprise me. It really shouldn't considering she refers to a heavy period as murder.

mommyofdaniel.blogspot.com/2011/03/helpful-strategies-for-trauma-survivors.html

So now I'm wondering what really happened with the man she claims attacked her in college. He probably just accidentally bumped into her in the hallway once.

[valsa]

Someone mentioned the guy who tried to kill her in college beat her over the head (with a tireiron?) Maybe she has brain damage?

[MarciaBrady]

Someone mentioned the guy who tried to kill her in college beat her over the head (with a tireiron?) Maybe she has brain damage?

I don't believe the attack ever happened. If sending a polite email to someone who may or may not even have been pregnant counts as murdering a baby, then who knows what "tried to kill me in college by beating me over the head" translates to.

[fundiefan]

And seriously, her great-grandchildren will be grieving for the death of Steve?! A chemical pregnancy?! I doubt many people know whether their great-grandmother had miscarriages, let alone mourn them.

Unrelated, but, sort of. At Thanksgiving, based on a random conversation earlier in the week with some cousins about our family - we were at a funeral so life and death were on our mind, for obvious reasons - I asked my mom if she knew whether my great-grandmother ever had a miscarriage or lost a child. She had nine kids between 1910 and 1928 but none of us knew whether she'd miscarried or lost a child or she only conceived and birthed the nine she raised.

My mother had absolutely no idea. She actually looked at me like I was kind of crazy for even asking in a 'what the hell does it matter' way. Then, probably to humor me or something, we talked of my grandma's generation and my mom's - and as far as my mom knows, there were no miscarriages for any of them. That doesn't mean there weren't, it just means she doesn't know. Which means if it did happen, it was not the most traumatic event of anyone's life making every member of the family for generations know and be affected.

So, um, no. Subsequent generations will not and do not grieve and mourn for miscarried children. They don't even know if there ever were miscarriages.

The woman is batshit crazy. I wonder what her family thinks of her?

[sassyNoz47]

I don't believe the attack ever happened. If sending a polite email to someone who may or may not even have been pregnant counts as murdering a baby, then who knows what "tried to kill me in college by beating me over the head" translates to.

Exactly.. she probably was walking down the street a block away as a guy was changing his tire he dropped the tire iron on to the ground with her seeing it from a block away, but omg im sure he planned on attacking her or some pull shit like that.

They help at a shelter for mothers in need and handing her baby supplies for that is offending.

A church member lost her real life adult son and she was having a hard time and was being comforted but this chick is offended rather down right pissed of that her lost sons weren't mentioned also. WTH?

And in another post she mentions she doesn't have family..just a FIL and a BIL who is a identical twin to her dh. So i think shes been off her rocker forever and her family is gone.

What does she mean about staying away from people with dementia when pg?

[CanadianHippie]

I don't believe the attack ever happened. If sending a polite email to someone who may or may not even have been pregnant counts as murdering a baby, then who knows what "tried to kill me in college by beating me over the head" translates to.

Vasla has a point, brain damage could explain why she thinks of Stevy's miscarriage as murder. It could affect how she perceives things.

[MarciaBrady]

Exactly.. she probably was walking down the street a block away as a guy was changing his tire he dropped the tire iron on to the ground with her seeing it from a block away, but omg im sure he planned on attacking her or some pull shit like that.

They help at a shelter for mothers in need and handing her baby supplies for that is offending.

A church member lost her real life adult son and she was having a hard time and was being comforted but this chick is offended rather down right pissed of that her lost sons weren't mentioned also. WTH?

And in another post she mentions she doesn't have family..just a FIL and a BIL who is a identical twin to her dh. So i think shes been off her rocker forever and her family is gone.

What does she mean about staying away from people with dementia when pg?

She claims that the stress of dealing with her FIL's dimentia is what led to her miscarriage with Danny. I'm surprised she hasn't accused him of murdering Danny.

[Buzzard]

According to this blog post, she changed her major from psychology to nutrition. So now studying psychology makes her a psychologist. Why does this even surprise me. It really shouldn't considering she refers to a heavy period as murder.

mommyofdaniel.blogspot.com/2011/03/helpful-strategies-for-trauma-survivors.html

So now I'm wondering what really happened with the man she claims attacked her in college. He probably just accidentally bumped into her in the hallway once.

She seems to be an "expert" in everything... body language, forensic interviews, the law, nutrition, baby body bags... How does her husband deal with her?!?!?

[pixydust]

http://mommyofdaniel.blogspot.com/2011/09/trappist-monks-are-incredible.html

"We also feel a social responsibility to hold this woman accountable when the proper time comes, and when our laws will allow for it. It just makes mathematical sense that abortion will one day be outlawed. If the majority of those who believe in abortion keep killing their kids, and those who are pro life keep having more and more children, it stands to reason that mathematically the Earth will be inhabited, at some point in time, by a majority of pro-life voters. Since the statute of limitations on murder never expires, that pretty much sets the stage for the involuntary manslaughter charge to be pursued as soon as the laws change to protect the unborn in our country. Involuntary manslaughter means, basically, that you did kill someone, but you didn't mean to do so. It is STILL a murder charge, though- a felony."

I got nothing on this one...

I love this theory! All pro-choice people go out and have millions of abortions! I'm pro-choice, and I have 3 kids. My mom is pro-choice and has 6 kids. 2 of her sisters are pro-choice and each has 2 kids...so all together that is 13 kids born to pro-choicers in my family alone!

[fundiefan]

Oh, yes. Love it. Pro-choice=kill all the babies!

I don't know about my whole family's views, but for the ones I do know - my pro-choice sister and two of my cousins - there are 8 kids between them.

That kinda' muddies up her math.

[Buzzard]

Ruh Roh... looks like the pope is "slowing down" and may have some health concerns (nothing like idle speculation without any real facts). I wonder if the pope can murder one of her babies by getting sick and letting someone write about it on the internetz

http://apnews.myway.com/article/20111217/D9RMBAQG0.html

[chemjen]

So, she's going to confront this woman who's only sin was to say that another woman had a hard year, and explain to her that there should never be a conversation that does not include a mention of her babyloss, that all this sympathy for anyone but her has to be STOPPED, and hint at why her pain is actually worse than the other woman's because she never got to know her babies?

[sassyNoz47]

she also claims she used to be a teacher preschool through 5th grade..hope thats not true children left alone in her care YIKES