Lawson and Tiffany 8: Lawson Still Doesn't Work

[JermajestyDuggar]

34 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

I have relatives who changed kids' names, although they were 2 year old and obviously knew their birth names. 

I know that’s a debated topic. Sometimes changing the name is better for domestic adoptions due to relatives that aren’t safe and can look them up. But I do prefer when people keep their names if it’s possible. I guess I just assume there’s enough change in the child’s life already. 

[HereticHick]

6 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

 But I can’t stand families that just ignore their child’s culture and tradition. And just pretend they are American and were born there. 

It is cruel to deny your child's heritage--because I guarantee racist/thoughtless kids on the playground will not.

[PennySycamore]

My oldest daughter and her husband adopted two special needs little girls from China. The oldest has her Chinese name as her middle name and the youngest was named Mei Li and is now Maizy.  Zooey was abandoned at birth due to her albinism and due to the one child policy.  Maizy is profoundly Deaf, but both girls are bright and Zoey is in the regional orchestra.My daughter and son-in-law honor their daughters' Chinese heritage throughout their home.  There is a group of Chinese adoptees with albinism which is not accepted in their home country and Zoey has made friends among them. 

[Expectopatronus]

My niece is adopted internationally. She knows that her “tummy mommy” died because medical care is almost nonexistent in her home country and that her daddy loved her enough to make an adoption plan for her that meant she would live in a safe country and be able to go to school. She likes sending updates to the orphanage director and likes some of her cultural food. She’s very proud of the fact that she wasn’t born in Canada and show other kids on a map where she was born. I wish we could take her back to visit but it just isn’t safe (violence, lack of clean water, lack of fuel, food insecurity, unstable government etc). 

[Melissa1977]

20 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I know that’s a debated topic. Sometimes changing the name is better for domestic adoptions due to relatives that aren’t safe and can look them up. But I do prefer when people keep their names if it’s possible. I guess I just assume there’s enough change in the child’s life already. 

I understand the safety reasons, but those children came from Russia. My relatives wanted children that could look like bio children, so the Russian names didn't fit. Their Russian roots are a taboo too. It must be shocking being adopted by absolute strangers that speak an unknown language and, on top of that, change your name. I wouldn't critisize the name change in a baby adoption, but a 2 year old? 

 

 

[irish_dancing_canadian]

My Mom was born in Ontario (Canada) in the late 60's and was adopted by my grandparents also in the late 60's, still in Ontario, Back then adoptions were closed. My Mom said she struggled with her identity and roots as she spent half of her life not knowing where she came from. It did mess her up in a way. She connected with some of her birth family online in the late 2000's and did find out some things. But she still struggles with identity issues to this day. She joined a Facebook group of other adoptees from that time period and the closed adoption thing really messed them up too. I know it's a difficult topic but being adopted should always be the last option, and we need to provide better support for pregnant and struggling women. Unless if the birth mother actually does not want the child then ok. Again its a difficult topic and hard to fully get into on a forum and fully express everything. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I highly recommend the book:

The Girl Who Went Away. 
 

It’s a lot of personal stories of women who gave their babies up for adoption in the years after WWII until the 80s. Multiple reasons were given as to why so many mostly white middle class women did this. A lot of it was stigma of an unwed mother. And the poor access to abortion. It’s interesting to see why people were pushed to do this. 

[Idlewild]

If you ever watch the series ‘Long Lost Family’ ( I watch the UK version but I think there are US and Australian versions too), he stories of both the mothers and the adopted children can be heartbreaking.

[JDuggs]

In case anyone is interested in Lawson and Tiffany’s latest video titled “Are We moving to California?” the subject isn’t even hinted at in the video.

[PennySycamore]

I found out last night that a friend of my husband's adopted a boy from China who has albinism. some years ago  This young man is an adult  and excelled at math in school. He was in 6th grade and did so well in math. he was promoted to Algebra 1 in 7th grade.  Yes, I know what I said feeds into the trope of Chinese being math whizzes, but he is good at math.

[JermajestyDuggar]

There was a one off TLC show of a family who adopted multiple kids with albinism from China. They seemed like a nice family. But I was annoyed the producers made them do talking heads on a white couch and white background. Yes we get it TLC! The children are very white! 🙄

[marmalade]

4 hours ago, JDuggs said:

In case anyone is interested in Lawson and Tiffany’s latest video titled “Are We moving to California?” the subject isn’t even hinted at in the video.

He's even worse than Evan when it comes to clickbait. He's taking Erin's piano. They aren't going anywhere. 🙄

[GuineaPigCourtship]

1 hour ago, marmalade said:

He's taking Erin's piano. They aren't going anywhere.

It's not like they have foresight, though.  I can't imagine they'd decline the piano even if they were planning on moving in 6 months.

[marmalade]

56 minutes ago, GuineaPigCourtship said:

It's not like they have foresight, though.  I can't imagine they'd decline the piano even if they were planning on moving in 6 months.

Are you suggesting that the Nashville house was meant to be a flip all along? Let's see if he takes the piano. 

[Idlewild]

I don’t credit this pair with any foresight at all. I think Lawson was vain enough to assume that by being in Nashville he would become a country music star- without any of the hustling or hard work. Just a cheesy grin and a semi famous wife. That of course hasn’t happened.
Tiffany probably has more of a business brain than him, so has pointed out they could live in California, be near her parents, she could get work easily and who knows, someone might be mad enough to give him a job. I think he will become Tiffany’s ‘manager’ though. 

[HereticHick]

7 hours ago, Idlewild said:

I don’t credit this pair with any foresight at all. I think Lawson was vain enough to assume that by being in Nashville he would become a country music star- without any of the hustling or hard work. Just a cheesy grin and a semi famous wife. That of course hasn’t happened.
Tiffany probably has more of a business brain than him, so has pointed out they could live in California, be near her parents, she could get work easily and who knows, someone might be mad enough to give him a job. I think he will become Tiffany’s ‘manager’ though. 

Lawson "Doolittle Lynn" Bates, for all you Coal Miner's Daughter movie fans out there.

[Jackie3]

On 12/9/2022 at 8:33 AM, CanadianMamam said:

My impression from that brief look at the dynamic is that her mother would not have been willing to "share Tiffany" in any way or encourage her to connect with her roots and that is really sad. 

I hope Tiffany's mom exposed her to Chinese culture. There are so many ways to do this, and it is vital. However, at some point, a kid may refuse, and when this happens parents shouldn't force the issue. International adoptees can have complicated relationships with their home countries and forcing them to feel one way or another never works.

[JDuggs]

On 12/9/2022 at 11:29 AM, JDuggs said:

If Tiffany thought she could monetize finding her roots, she and Lawson would be on the first plane to China. I’m sure the concept is something they’re saving for the biggest payout. I think Tiffany is personally thrilled with how her life turned out. Her adoption is the biggest part of her Christian story. God saved her from a potentially very sad life and gave her a perfect, loving, wealthy family.

Quoting myself. Tiffany mentioned today that she is working on telling her adoption story. I know she’s already shared that she was left on a hospital doorstep which is kind of interesting. It would be interesting if she answered if she feels any connection to her birth culture, any sadness not knowing her birth family, etc. I bet it will focus more on her parents and their joy of bringing her into their family.

[Idlewild]

3 hours ago, JDuggs said:

Quoting myself. Tiffany mentioned today that she is working on telling her adoption story. I know she’s already shared that she was left on a hospital doorstep which is kind of interesting. It would be interesting if she answered if she feels any connection to her birth culture, any sadness not knowing her birth family, etc. I bet it will focus more on her parents and their joy of bringing her into their family.

I will give her a pass on how she handles it- a trauma like that is a huge thing to deal with and if concentrating on the happy part gives her peace, then so be it. The programme I mentioned ‘Long Lost Family’ did an episode on ‘foundlings’ and it was a very difficult watch.

[Smash!]

On 12/10/2022 at 4:56 AM, Expectopatronus said:

My niece is adopted internationally. She knows that her “tummy mommy” died because medical care is almost nonexistent in her home country and that her daddy loved her enough to make an adoption plan for her that meant she would live in a safe country and be able to go to school.

This is so thoughtful. I believe almost all parents who place their children for adoption do it out of love for them. They don‘t want their children starving and them to thrive. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I believe being placed on the doorstep of an hospital is actually a common way to do things in China back when Tiffany was a baby. I think that if a parent felt they couldn’t parent the child, that was actually one of the safer ways to do it. I guess it’s a similar equivalent to people anonymously leaving a baby in a safe box at a fire department here in the US. The parents know the child will be found rather quickly and taken care of. 

[HereticHick]

I watched Lawson & Tiff's latest mindless video about flying to San Diego--again--to see Michael Buble in concert on Sept 21.

I looked at his tour dates--they could have seen him in Nashville on Aug 16, or driven 4 hours to see him outside Atlanta on Aug 8, or 8 hours to Tulsa on Sept 11.

I assume they stay free with her parents when they go to SD, and I know that there are direct Southwest Airlines Nashville-San Diego flights (and they are really racking up the points I guess) But honestly, do they really need to go to San Diego every frigging month?

[nolongerIFBx]

On 12/9/2022 at 1:10 PM, Melissa1977 said:

Tiff may be vain, but I think your statement is very hard. It's not easy to be adopted, there is a trauma that everybody live in a different way (usually the trauma appears when adopted people are adults and understand the whole situation). For an adoption to occur, for a "Christian miracle" to happen, there's a prior major disgrace. Tiff may be content because she was "saved" but she knows her bio family abandoned her and it's not easy to cope with that idea.

But I doubt she will go to China. First of all, it would probably hurt her mom. And second, I doubt she wants to show she comes from a (probably) poor, unchristian environment. 

I watched Netflix documentary "Found" some time back and it really conveyed how much hurt was involved in China's one-child policy and adoptions. The biological parents were hurting, losing a loved child. Those poor, poor fathers forced to sneak their daughters out in the middle of the night and try to find somewhere to leave them where they would be found quickly and taken care of.  The child hurts, feeling unloved and abandoned. The adoptive parents hurt when their adopted child doesn't feel like they belong or they think their child doesn't feel like they are enough. Even the second children who were kept experienced hurt. The Chinese researcher in this documentary was a second child. Her grandparents paid the fee so that she didn't have to be abandoned but her father always made her feel unwanted.

Adoption is a beautiful thing, but it isn't easy. That shouldn't keep anyone from adopting children that need homes but they do need to be aware that even under the best circumstances, going from biological parents who loved them to adoptive parents who love them, still won't make it all sunshine and roses.

On 12/11/2022 at 4:22 PM, JDuggs said:

In case anyone is interested in Lawson and Tiffany’s latest video titled “Are We moving to California?” the subject isn’t even hinted at in the video.

They talk about it on the Ferris wheel and at the end of the video. Tiffany talks about it like its a done deal. Lawson says "might be moving to California."

[HereticHick]

My new word of the day: "digitazlie"

[patsymae]

On 12/13/2022 at 7:34 AM, Smash! said:

This is so thoughtful. I believe almost all parents who place their children for adoption do it out of love for them. They don‘t want their children starving and them to thrive. 

Or out of desperation, confusion over what Western-style adoption actually means (in the case of adoption from non-Western countries), pressure from adoption brokers, outright being duped by adoption brokers, powerlessness, emotional manipulation...