Mom's Corner by Teri

[danvillebelle]

Ah, culottes.  I had a denim pair in 6th and 7th grade that I loved wearing with boots.  I actually own a pair now, I think they were called a "split skirt" when I ordered them.  They're a permanently crinkled cotton and very comfy on hot days.

[MamaJunebug]

9 hours ago, PennySycamore said:

@MamaJunebug,  I had some culottes with the front and back pleats  back in the 60s,  too.  I seem to recall mine were green. 

I distinctly recall mine were khaki or tan. Wish they still made ‘em! 

[Black Aliss]

On 7/6/2021 at 9:14 PM, MamaJunebug said:

Proudly showing my age here: The first and best culottes I ever had were A-line.  They looked like a skirt that had one inverted pleat from waistband to hem in front, and  another in back.
 

Gosh, they looked sharp!  You only realized they weren’t a skirt when you chose to run in them, or do the splits. 

Or when the principal of your high school roamed the hallways with a yardstick, poking it between the legs of girls to determine whether we were wearing those culottes or just a skirt with inverted pleats front and back. Because you can't let those little sluts get away with wearing something distantly related to pants, can you?

On 7/8/2021 at 6:52 AM, MamaJunebug said:

I distinctly recall mine were khaki or tan. Wish they still made ‘em! 

During my last bout of Swedish Death Cleaning I found the patterns I used to sew my own, including an actual dress with split skirt (I called it my chastity dress). Of course there is no way I could adapt those patterns from the 60's to fit my current self.

[JermajestyDuggar]

6 minutes ago, Black Aliss said:

Or when the principal of your high school roamed the hallways with a yardstick, poking it between the legs of girls to determine whether we were wearing those culottes or just a skirt with inverted pleats front and back. Because you can't let those little sluts get away with wearing something distantly related to pants, can you?

During my last bout of Swedish Death Cleaning I found the patterns I used to sew my own, including an actual dress with split skirt (I called it my chastity dress). Of course there is no way I could adapt those patterns from the 60's to fit my current self.

Omg that’s insane. I would be livid if I saw a man doing that to teen girls. I would rather my kids go to a school that’s too lax on dress codes than too strict. Because the strict ones always target the girls. 

[MamaJunebug]

38 minutes ago, Black Aliss said:

Or when the principal of your high school roamed the hallways with a yardstick, poking it between the legs of girls to determine whether we were wearing those culottes or just a skirt with inverted pleats front and back. Because you can't let those little sluts get away with wearing something distantly related to pants, can you?

I'm not sure my jaw is going to return to its "up" position for an hour or more.

Disgusting!

[SPHASH]

Today Teri talks about being miserable.

Do you ever struggle with fear, worry, or anxiety? When that is a part of our lives, then we lack rest and peace in our souls. We might want to have a quiet heart, but the worry ends up consuming our thoughts. Because worry seems to be something we regularly, or even often, deal with, I address it from time to time in Mom’s Corners. Usually, the theme of those articles is taking our thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5) by using Scripture to help us think truth.

Did you know that God has given us another solution to this problem? Actually, this is a solution to anything that causes unrest in our hearts such as anger, discouragement, or self-pity.

The Biblical Basis

Look at these passages:

Matthew 11:28-29: “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.”

2 Peter 1:2-3: “Grace and peace be multiplied unto you through the knowledge of God, and of Jesus our Lord, According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue.”

Here we see two amazing things about quietness for our souls. First Matthew 11 tells us that when we learn of Christ, we find rest for our souls. Secondly, in 2 Peter, it says that grace and peace are not just given to us, but it is multiplied through the knowledge of God and of Jesus.

Not About Me!

Overcoming worry, or anything claiming our peace, isn’t about me, but it is about God, the One Who is peace and gives us peace. We are to know Him more and better if we want rest for our souls. Have you ever embarked on a path of learning more of Christ?

For most of my life in my personal Bible time, I focused on trying to get something from the Word, something that was for me to help me. If I was discouraged, I looked for verses in what I read that day that would encourage my heart. If I was dealing with frustration or anger, I tried to find something that addressed that. If I didn’t have anything specific, I would read the chapters where I was and ask God to show me verses that were needful in my life.

How Does It Work?

In Jim Berg’s book, God Is More Than Enough, he teaches this biblical path to quieting a noisy soul that focuses on learning about God. Reading that book, I got excited to begin asking the question in my Bible reading time: What does this teach about God?

How does learning about God quiet our souls? There is always a truth about God and Who He is that relates to what is creating unrest in our hearts. It might be His sovereignty, His mercy, His love, His faithfulness, His grace, or another of the multitude of His wonderful qualities. We take what we know of God, through His Word, and we choose to believe that what we have learned of Him is true. Our souls can rest, as Jim Berg says, because of those stabilizing truths.

Of course, we learn about God in our Sunday School classes, preaching services in church and other preaching we listen to, and Bible studies we attend. There are two great Christian classics on this topic: Attributes of God by J. I. Packer and The Knowledge of the Holy by A. W. Tozer.

May I encourage you to learn more about God in your personal Bible time? And if you aren’t in the Word each day, may I encourage you of the necessity of that in your life?

 

[PennySycamore]

I though I'd posted this a few days ago, but apparently I didn't.  This was in Travel and Leisure's email the other day:

Eight Best Skorts and Exercise Skirts for the Gym, Hiking and More

[MamaJunebug]

3 hours ago, SPHASH said:

Today Teri talks about being miserable.

Do you ever struggle with fear, worry, or anxiety? When that is a part of our lives, then we lack rest and peace in our souls. We might want to have a quiet heart, …

“Miserable” is the word.  For whatever reason, she submerged her wants and needs to Steve’s.  Her only respite from the life imposed upon her was the only activity Steve allowed: Bible study.

Eventually, as others have pointed out, she learned how to game the system by aligning herself with Steve and raising / training their  children to his advantage - and her own.

What a half-life she’s led. 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

This Mom's Column amounts to "you don't need therapy; just read the bible."  What a terrible post! 

Also Teri deserves blame for giving this bad advice to other women. 

Edited July 14, 2021 by Bluebirdbluebell

[fundiefan]

Sorry, Teri. Your history with depression and obvious failure to do anything real to deal with it means you are not a source of information on how not to be miserable. 

You chose your bible & god, and we  see what that has done to your & those in your life. Not something I would want for anyone I love or care about. 

 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

We are a couple Mom's columns behind. 

August's Mom's column was boring and amounted to buy our schedule packs. Of course every mom's corner is selling something, but it was called Schedules and Chores. 

September's reminds me of July's. It's called Try Harder and it's from September 14, 2021. 

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I expect all of us have reactions of impatience, frustration, or even anger at times that we would rather not have. Here’s what likely happens after the reaction. We are unhappy with ourselves because it isn’t a reaction that is godly and loving. So, we determine that next time we will be more aware, more careful, and avoid that negative reaction. Try, try, try again. The reality is that such a plan simply doesn’t succeed because we are doing it in our own strength.

Yes, as Mama Blue you can't go back and change the past; you can only move forward.

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This scenario might even be upmost on the minds of the homeschooling moms who began their new school year recently and are in the midst of all the time pressure, child craziness, and stress that brings. 

If trying harder isn’t the solution, what might be? 

Instead of trying harder, find a new way of dealing with things. Find ways to make situations easier. Find people who can help either emotionally deal with it or finding practical solutions that make the situations easier. 

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REALLY SEE IT AS SIN

For me, my wrong reactions had to become more than just something I wished I didn’t do. In my struggle with anger, I minimized it as sin and excused it as normal based on stress, lack of sleep, or perhaps being the other person’s fault. I had to view my sin as an offense against a holy God and another person and stop making excuses. 

No! Adding more probably doesn't help. 

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“Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest” (Psalms 51:4).

The remedy was to ask the Lord’s forgiveness, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). And then also ask forgiveness of the person I offended.

Asking for forgiveness is a good idea.  Turning every little problem into major sin and needing forgiveness from God is a lot. It actually reminds me of stories about Catholics who start going to confession every day, and yes I'm aware almost all Catholics don't go that often.

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“Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift” (Matthew 5:23-24).

I remember those years when my children were younger, and the Lord was teaching me this path. I asked their forgiveness when my response to them wasn’t right, and every time, the child said, “Yes, Mommy, I forgive you.”

• Little kids are quick to forgive.
• If your children didn't forgive you, they would probably be lectured about forgiveness being part of Christianity until they did forgive you. It was hardly freely given.

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PRAY 

Next pray, yielding to Him, acknowledging need and inability, and asking for His help. God tells us His strength is sufficient and that His grace is made perfect in weakness. 

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

He wants to aid us, but if, in our pride, we tackle it on our own, He leaves us to that muddle, “ . . . and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble” (Peter 5:5b).

It might help to be able to pray for patience in a time when you need patience, but you may not be able to pray it away in times of severe annoyance. Seek help.

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FIND SCRIPTURE
Finally, use your daily time in the Word to find Scripture that applies to the areas you most often find yourself frustrated or angry in. Then write the verses out on a notecard that you can carry around with you. Review them regularly and pray when you do. When you hit one of THE situations, pull it out, read it OUT LOUD, and pray right away. This can become your new, good habit. As you practice, with the Lord’s grace and strength, it will replace your bad habit of the negative reactions. If you do this, you will be amazed at how quickly you memorize the verses you are using. Soon you no longer need to read the card. Instead the verses are there in your mind.

Again this might work if you always have the cards and remember to use them. 

Also most people nowadays could just put the verses on their phones.

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SIMPLE BUT POWERFUL

You might tell me that this is simplistic. Perhaps it is, but that’s the beauty of our walk with Christ. In addition, simple isn’t always easy. I personally found these truths from God’s Word to be powerful in my life. They grew me away from those negative reactions. Could I encourage you to try them? 

They might help and it might help for people to seek professional counseling and get real help. The problem is fundies don't counselors, because they might suggest making changes that don't align with your Godly lifestyle.

Here's the obligatory sales pitch:

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If you benefited from this month’s Mom’s Corner, we have a couple of resources that will be of additional help.
Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit
Sweet Journey

and this tibbit:

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If you would like to read about baby Maddy coming home from the hospital and our recent family news, go to our blog.

Blessings in Christ,

Teri

 

[kpmom]

3 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

If you would like to read about baby Maddy coming home from the hospital and our recent family news, go to our blog.

Blessings in Christ,

Teri

That line is my favorite.

"Just a little family news you might be interested in.  Nothing special.  Not like our whole family vision that we went on and on about over the years went right out the window.  Rules like children living at home til marriage, and no college.  No, nothing like that.  Just a little family news.  Probably a new recipe or how to cut lettuce with a pizza cutter.  Probably something like that.  Check the blog.  Or don't. Yawn "

[Black Aliss]

On 7/13/2021 at 8:24 PM, PennySycamore said:

I though I'd posted this a few days ago, but apparently I didn't.  This was in Travel and Leisure's email the other day:

Eight Best Skorts and Exercise Skirts for the Gym, Hiking and More

I have no desire to have extra fabric flapping around my upper thighs when I'm cycling or running, but I keep one of these Sweet Spot Skirts in my bag for when I go directly from my activity to grocery shopping because I'm just more comfortable that way. For years I thought they were just too expensive but once I bought a reversible one on sale I was blown away by how well they are made. I don't ever expect mine to wear out and they look great over bike shorts or leggings. I also love that they use actual plus-sized models in their ads.

[Maggie Mae]

1 hour ago, Black Aliss said:

I have no desire to have extra fabric flapping around my upper thighs when I'm cycling or running, but I keep one of these Sweet Spot Skirts in my bag for when I go directly from my activity to grocery shopping because I'm just more comfortable that way. For years I thought they were just too expensive but once I bought a reversible one on sale I was blown away by how well they are made. I don't ever expect mine to wear out and they look great over bike shorts or leggings. I also love that they use actual plus-sized models in their ads.

Those Sweet Spot skirts were pretty popular around here for a while, but they sort of fell out of fashion because they are cotton. They are great for putting over leggings to go to the store, but running in them was kind of a pain since it was a second piece of clothing that rode around and held onto water and sweat. I am surprised that they operate out of Washington State.  

Sparkle Skirts from Sparkle Athletic are also so popular. 

[hoipolloi]

Saw this company featured in a writeup & their skirts look good. 

They aren't skorts & I'm not sure about even the shortest ones working well for running or jogging, but they are quick drying, come in different lengths, and even have pockets. They definitely work well for beach coverups or "dressing up" for a quick errand or two.

[treemom]

I would never run in them, but I do three season hiking in hiking skorts.  I love them so much more than shorts or pants.  When the weather is cool I just put a pants layer on underneath.  I’m particularly fond of the Columbia Saturday Trail Skort and the Duluth Trading Company Dry on the Fly skort.   I pretty much hike exclusively in them mar-oct

[quiversR4hunting]

On 9/16/2021 at 7:54 PM, hoipolloi said:

Saw this company featured in a writeup & their skirts look good. 

They aren't skorts & I'm not sure about even the shortest ones working well for running or jogging, but they are quick drying, come in different lengths, and even have pockets. They definitely work well for beach coverups or "dressing up" for a quick errand or two.

Those are cute and not horribly priced. It isn't a skirt but I love the cargo bag, I wish someone would make a yoga bag similar to that but would keep the mat from falling over. Thanks for sharing.

[Bluebirdbluebell]

This month's Mom's Corner is from October 12, 2021 and is called "What to Do When Siblings Squabble?

"

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Is there anything more common or more annoying than siblings squabbling? We have only come across one family, with two children, whose children say they never fought with each other. For most of us, that bickering between our children was a daily battle. We moms then ended up involved, refereeing the battle, giving admonishment and instruction, and often handing out consequences. 

Don’t moms love this verse? “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!” (Psalms 133:1). That was the desire of my heart for my children, but it was not the natural reality of their lives. So we worked toward that goal. 

Okay, this is a fairly strong beginning. We didn't squabble daily, but my sibling and I fought on occasion. It is one of the challenges of parenting.

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A CONSEQUENCE FOR SIBLING SQUABBLES

One consequence we instituted as our children grew beyond preschool age was to assign the fighting children extra chore work that they were to do together. This removed them from the context of playing, which was when many of the squabbles developed as each tried to get what they wanted. Extra team chores took them into another realm where in order to complete the task they had to work together. 

I literally laughed that in a total Maxwell  cliché they blame f*n for causing sibling fights. Awwww.... our old Maxwells are still in there. I know kids fight over toys, but they also fight over things. 

Still, forcing the kids to do a chore together sounds like it might be a good way to handle the situation. I've heard of worse solutions.

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BENEFITS OF THE CONSEQUENCE

We found this consequence helpful for many reasons. First it gave me a set consequence that was easy to implement. That was a huge benefit since when I didn’t know what consequence to use, I did one of 3 things. I either ignored it, gave a consequence too big or too small, or lectured. Those were all frustrations and disappointments to me because they weren’t effective, and then I was more likely to react negatively to the children. When I knew exactly how to deal with a problem, I was able to maintain that meek and quiet spirit that my heart yearned for in those child raising years. 

I agree that if other choices don't work to solve the problem, finding a new solution is a good idea. The only problem I see here is Teri's need for "a meek and quiet spirit". I get that Teri might be meek and quiet herself, but forcing yourself to have those traits when you're not meek and quiet isn't good. You should be able to be yourself and implement the advice. Also this advice could work for anyone including [gasp] Dads. This is more practical than anything Steve has written in a while. Finally, you want a meek and quiet spirit, then you probably shouldn't have eight kids.

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Extra work together as a consequence for bickering benefitted the family because necessary chores was accomplished. The children who were troublemakers, because of their consequence, then freed up others from needing to do that work. 

We often assigned dinner clean up to children who weren’t getting along. Generally dinner cleanup jobs were given to anyone who was not on the meal preparation team. When clean up was used as a consequence for the bickering children, then the children who got along well were released from their normal meal clean up chores. That seemed to make the consequence doubly effective since we ended up rewarding good behavior in the process of disciplining the bad. 

This consequence forced the children receiving it to be a team. The more they continued to oppose each other, the longer the task took to accomplish. It really didn’t matter to me how long it took them to do the chore, but it did matter to them. Through experience they soon learned how much more efficient it was to work together rather than against each other.  We liked the natural consequences built into this discipline.

This seems fine to me.

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OUR GO-TO CONSEQUENCE FOR SIBLING BICKERING

I am not saying that you don’t share Scripture with your children, help them learn how loving sibling relationships look and work, and teach them to see their wrong and ask forgiveness. That is all an important part of it, too. But for the practical aspect of a consequence for sibling bickering, this one was a go-to for Steve and me. 

Now our children are grown, and two brothers in particular share memories of all the numerous dinner clean ups they did together. It was certainly a work in progress for them that wasn’t accomplished with the first, second, or even tenth consequence. I love to see them now as not just loving siblings, but brothers in Christ who love and serve their wives and children. And you know what? They are really good in the kitchen!

I like that Teri is admitting not everything can be solved by memmorizing the bible. 

And I'm amazed Mom's Corner didn't end with a sale's pitch. I thought that was the point.

[kpmom]

That was definitely one of Teri's better Mom's Corners.  She even ended it on lighthearted note.

I'm surprised as well that they didn't put a sales pitch in there.  Don't they still have those chore packs for sale??  Or did they finally figure out anyone could go to Office Depot and make their own chore packs for a few dollars?

[feministxtian]

"Sibling squabbles" My kids didn't "squabble", they fought. This is what happens when you produce 3 personality clones of yourself. I never really got in the middle of it. I used to tell them "no blood on the carpet, take it outside". They STILL get no reaction from me when they're fussing and feuding. Fortunately, it doesn't happen a whole lot anymore, they've outgrown it for the most part. 

But, then again, I pretty much have always let them settle their own disputes. I was an only and just don't quite understand sibling dynamics. 

[Nothing if not critical]

On 10/14/2021 at 1:02 AM, kpmom said:

That was definitely one of Teri's better Mom's Corners.  She even ended it on lighthearted note.

It may have been one of the better Mom's Corners, but I feel that as far as advice about sibling squabbles goes, there's far better alternatives out there, which don't involve pitting your kids against each other. The Faber/Mazlish classic "Siblings without rivalries" comes to mind, but their approach is all about actually listening to your kids and teaching them to solve their conflicts by themselves, instead of punishing them with made-up "consequences". I found it such a big help in dealing with my kids' fights.

Granted, taking the time to listen probably wouldn't be easy with five plus kids. And Faber/Mazlish don't claim to be divinely inspired, so the Maxwell audience probably wouldn't be impressed. I'm so tired of fundies and their "everything's better with a bible verse" attitude. Sigh.

Edited October 15, 2021 by Nothing if not critical

[PennySycamore]

@Nothing if not critical,  have you seen the books by their daughters?  One is aimed at the parents of little kids and the one that just came out is oriented towards more serious problems.  I gave my oldest daughter a copy of "How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen and Listen So Little Kids Will Talk" several years ago.

[Nothing if not critical]

10 hours ago, PennySycamore said:

@Nothing if not critical,  have you seen the books by their daughters?  One is aimed at the parents of little kids and the one that just came out is oriented towards more serious problems.  I gave my oldest daughter a copy of "How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen and Listen So Little Kids Will Talk" several years ago.

I’ll have to check those out - thank you so much!

[ElizaB]

Do you know what really gets me? I feel like Teri had the potential to be a really great mother and could have actually had some good ideas for some decent books. Had she had  treatment for her depression, been allowed to send her kids to school, and stopped after 3 kids things would have been really different. Deep down I think she has great ideas that would have been good messages for a still Christian audience. 

She had a mom's corner once about, "expecting children to be children" and talked about how even if you are raising kids completely right (in Christ of course according to her)- they will still be children and will still mess up. Despite reading her things for snark value; I really took this message to heart and when my kids were young would often remind myself of this. 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

For a long time, I was waiting for the next Mom's Corner to go up on their blog. They finally put them up in December. The first one is from November 9, 2021 and it's called "Simple but Strategic Ways to Take the Stress Out of Christmas."

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While most of us love the Christmas season, sometimes all the busyness, activities, and things that must be done put us into overload mode. Stress levels rise, and instead of a joyful season of worshipping Christ our Savior, we become crazy women running to and fro, impatient and frustrated. That sure isn’t my picture of a godly, Christian woman, and I don’t want it to characterize my life during the weeks that are so precious in my year. So how can we take the stress out of the Christmas season?

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1. REST IN THE LORD

Perhaps the greatest stress reliever is to remember the words of Christ Himself. “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). During the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas, are we truly coming to Him? Are we continuing in our daily time to worship Him through reading His Word and praying? 

It seems easy to rest in the Lord when you're not as busy as others. It wouldn't be a rest for me if I had half a dozen kids to tend to and homeschooling, etc.

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2. WRITE IT DOWN

Write down what you want to do during the Christmas season. Often stress overwhelms us when our minds are trying to track, manage, remember, and juggle all that needs to be done. Our memory becomes so full of all the “stuff,” that we can’t handle it. When you write it down, relief descends. It is in a safe place to be retrieved and referred to. 

Making a to do list is good advice, but hardly original.

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3. PARE DOWN

The third thing you can do to help relieve holiday stress is to pare down. Once you have that list, determine activities or duties that are no longer a priority. Just because you have always done it, doesn’t mean that you have to keep doing it.
What Christmas activities draw your heart to Jesus? Which ones share Him with others? Which ones teach your children to love, that it is better to give than to receive, or to worship Christ? I would rather have a peaceful heart and do half as many Christ-related traditions and activities than to do the full measure of them stressed. 

Again prioritize is hardly a new idea.

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4. PLAN

Next, you take the pared-down, prioritized list of Christmas activities and write out steps needed to accomplish each one. Perhaps there are supplies to be purchased and gathered. Maybe a date should be put on the calendar to reserve the time. It could be that others are to be invited.

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5. DEDICATE TIME

Even with the best-prioritized, planned list of Christmas activities, if you don’t have any time to do them, you feel stressed. How does a busy mom find time for doing more than she currently does in her normal daily life?

Start with just one hour per day in the month of December for Christmas preparations—a specific hour that you know you can consistently be committed to keeping. If you are a homeschool mom, shorten your school day by one hour for the month of December to accommodate. You will be pleasantly surprised with the progress you can make on things like Christmas cards or letters, online gift shopping, gift wrapping, meal planning, and make-ahead baking in just one hour.

With available time, look at your lists and steps, and choose what you will tackle during that time frame.

Again solid advice. I wonder how long the Maxwells seem to envision each homeschooling session lasts. It seems like some fundies only homeschool for few hours already. Also mothers of small children may not be able to keep their eyes off the kids for that long.

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CHOOSE TO DESTRESS

Christmas is the last time of year when you want to be a stressed woman. This Christmas season would you choose to set aside Christmas stress and pick up the joy, peace, and rest of the Savior?

Here are four resources that I recommend to help you with holiday de-stressing or any-time-of-the-year de-stressing:

Managers of Their Homes
Managers of Their Chores
Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit
Sweet Journey

Ah it ends with another Sales pitch. All that joy, peace, and rest of the Savior can be yours for a price on Titus2. I guess they got to make money somehow. I'm surprised they didn't post this on the blog earlier.