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Mom's Corner by Teri


SPHASH
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Today's Monthly Mom's Corner is about Family Time and how easy it is to incorporate it.  Teri also mentions all her sons are married but the daughters are very busy.

I think the Moms Corners should have it's. own thread.

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WORKING TOGETHER IS BETTER THAN FUN

A few years into our parenting, Steve and I became disillusioned with fun being a good basis for growing family relationships. 

why is fun so terrible?!

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5 minutes ago, freejugar said:

why is fun so terrible?!

Maxwell is clearly where fun goes to die. So, instead of bringing them together in fun, they brought their family together by drudgery, negatively and work within the home (not industrious, hardworking members of the community or contributors to society). Both Steve and Teri present as less than mentally healthy. 

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So, families can't bond while having fun? I mean, we knew they hate fun and have serious issues with it becoming an idol, but really? Families need strict dinner, clean up & bible time to connect with each other? Not anything fun? 

The millions of families in the world are screwed. I guess the Maxwells with get heaven all to themselves. 

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Terri writes:  “A few years into our parenting, Steve and I became disillusioned with fun being a good basis for growing family relationships. Experientially we observed activities that had no benefit besides fun generating selfishness, greediness, and laziness in our children.”

Dang that is a tough appraisal of childhood fun! And that was after a few years? I really did feel very 2020 reading the part about everyone living within an hour of them. Their whole brand was everyone within a couple of miles. She also attempts to sound very casual and whatevs when mentioning that everyone is invited to Sunday lunches, but that their crowd varies. So many changes with that crew. 

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Yeah, Teri--Steve and *you*? I think Steve got all controlly and you were all depressed and you just went along for the ride out of sheer inertia.

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26 minutes ago, Hane said:

Yeah, Teri--Steve and *you*? I think Steve got all controlly and you were all depressed and you just went along for the ride out of sheer inertia.

I’m sure that was the case. The only people she was consistently around besides her kids were her parents who probably didn’t say anything because they didn’t want to piss off Steve. 

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I just find it so sad! My family bonded and remained close through all sorts of things - and still do! The hard times, the fun times, the challenging times.....

How do we define fun? Vacations where you don’t wake up at 3am everyday for a several mile long mountain hike? (No offence to anyone who loves hiking by the way - I do and it’s part of some of my vacations in order to see various places) Is fun anything that brings a smile but nothing else? Sheesh it’s so dull!

Btw Maxwells (Hi Steve!) my family have strengthened our bond through so many elements of fun. We do a mini-break here in the U.K. every year which involves sports and “pure fun” - for example water slide races in the pool where the looser has to buy us all ice cream, bowling where if you knock over a certain number of pins you have to play your next turn with your eyes shut....I’m sure this kind of entertainment fills you with horror! We also are frequent Disney visitors which I know is horrifying.

We’ve also travelled to many overseas locations together and continue to do so, even though me and my sister are in our 30s and I have a niece and nephew - we still vacation together! Shocking! And guess what? Me and my sister both moved out fully in our early twenties and still love our family. Shocking.

We also have family meals all together. We go on day trips together. We support each other practically and emotionally during tough times. Despite all that fun we had growing up and still have now!

I honestly don’t see how Teri’s corners inspire people. They’re just so bleak.

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Bleak is such a perfect word to sum up the Maxwells. A never ending trudging through a life of schedules. Devoid  of any joy or individuality. Steve and Terri have done such a massive disservice to their children. 

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I wonder if part of it is that letting go of fun as a goal took some of the pressure off. Depression can make responsibilities overwhelming, and it can also distort your perception of others. Worrying about whether something was fun for the whole family may have felt like an added burden. 

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Husband attends a yearly computer conference for the system he works on, and it's always in a different city.  Company pays for his travel, accommondations and meals.  Since he refuses to fly, they will give him a company car, and every expense related to the trip goes on his company expenses credit card.   He always reserves a larger room at the hotels, it's usually a big conference center attached to a hotel so attendees can just go from their rooms to the classes and exhibits in one building.   Myself and our two boys tag along and only have to pay for our meals and any personal expenses, so far we've been in Dallas, Orlando, Tampa, Miami, New Orleans, Denver, Anaheim, Boston,  and Baltimore.  Since I work at the same company I am also allowed to drive the company car, so while he's in his meetings and dinners the boys and I head out and play tourist.  The biggest part of the fun for us was getting lost, which we excel at.  We got lost in Rocky Mountain National Park and were looking for a gas station and stumbled on Nederland, CO.  It's the home of the Frozen Dead Guy and it's a town filled with aging hippies.  The gas station we found, had the old rotary dial gas pumps and they had replaced the display case contents with cigarette rolling papers, lighters, and more, and not the snack food the boys were looking for.   We wandered around for hours and met some very entertaining people.     Both boys are now well seasoned confident travelers and aren't afraid to go anywhere alone, or unknown, because of all the times we got lost and found our way home.  Fun isn't just idle entertainment, it's also educational in a lot of circumstances.  

 

Edited by Lady Grass Lake
correcting wording
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Besides Canada, have the Maxwells traveled outside the U.S.? I miss reading about their yearly bus tours. It was very fascinating to see people who were actual fans and paid for their merchandise.

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7 minutes ago, Tangy Bee said:

Besides Canada, have the Maxwells traveled outside the U.S.? I miss reading about their yearly bus tours. It was very fascinating to see people who were actual fans and paid for their merchandise.

Well the girls have gone on missions to places seemingly abroad but without specifically saying the location, right?

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8 minutes ago, OhNoNike said:

Well the girls have gone on missions to places seemingly abroad but without specifically saying the location, right?

I was under the impression that those trips were in the US, but I'm not sure. 

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20 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

They were headed to Austria, but were blocked by the pandemic. 

That sound you heard some months back was the people of Austria heaving a sigh of relief.

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On 10/10/2020 at 4:23 PM, Dominionatrix said:

I wonder if part of it is that letting go of fun as a goal took some of the pressure off. Depression can make responsibilities overwhelming, and it can also distort your perception of others. Worrying about whether something was fun for the whole family may have felt like an added burden. 

The thing is I do get depression, I get that’s it’s an illness and can’t be snapped out of and I agree, the schedule was to essentially bring things into control for Teri. 
Its just this whole “we decided to have no more fun” business that I don’t get - and how on Earth that could be seen as a way of helping her depression by her husband - when a key sign of depression is not finding joy in things you used to find fun. 
 

Also the fact that they are basically telling everyone not to have fun - fun is selfish, fun has no purpose.....it’s the bleakness! Let’s make everyone’s lives as bleak as ours! So many children who have lost out on friendships, birthday parties, vacations, sports, and just general family fun due to the Maxwell preaching is just sad!

I think most people in this world realise that not everything can be fun, and that we have to work hard and not all learning and day to day things can be fun. But most of us teach kids that something fun can be the reward for your hard work. 
 

Quite honestly I think this is why Teri and Steve look so frail - there’s just no life to them! Like I always say you can see the hatred coming out of Zsu’s face and she looks older in my view than she is - you can see that Maxwells have sucked the life out of themselves.

Edited by allyisyourpally5
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55 minutes ago, allyisyourpally5 said:

The thing is I do get depression, I get that’s it’s an illness and can’t be snapped out of and I agree, the schedule was to essentially bring things into control for Teri. 
Its just this whole “we decided to have no more fun” business that I don’t get - and how on Earth that could be seen as a way of helping her depression by her husband - when a key sign of depression is not finding joy in things you used to find fun. 
 

Also the fact that they are basically telling everyone not to have fun - fun is selfish, fun has no purpose.....it’s the bleakness! Let’s make everyone’s lives as bleak as ours! So many children who have lost out on friendships, birthday parties, vacations, sports, and just general family fun due to the Maxwell preaching is just sad!

I think most people in this world realise that not everything can be fun, and that we have to work hard and not all learning and day to day things can be fun. But most of us teach kids that something fun can be the reward for your hard work. 

I don't think Steve and Teri really enjoyed the "fun" things they were doing before they stopped. I think they were miserable trying to do things that other people told them were fun, and that's why they stopped doing anything they didn't want to do.  If you read what Teri says,  she ends the paragraph on fun by saying

"So we transitioned to focusing more on quality talking time, working, and serving together. In the midst of those projects we did as a family, there was lots of laughter and enjoyment, plus the accomplishment of a productive goal."

Of course some of their kids may have enjoyed the "fun" they were having, but I doubt Teri and Steve did and the kids were out of luck.

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I think of my far from perfect childhood in my far from perfect family. 

There was a lot of fun. Every single day. Whether it was organized fun (an event, party, planned, etc) or just all the neighborhood kids playing - so much was learned and gained from that fun. Relationships, experience, imagination, compromise, laughing til your belly hurt, being tickled til you pee just a little. 

Oh, wait. All those things that come from fun are against Stevie's rules. A child with relationship and imagination - oh, the horrors!

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I suppose Terri didn't believe in making learning fun either.  The best part of my teaching day (even when half the class is on my computer screen) is seeing a silly song and acting it out in the languages I teach.   It's FUN and studies show that kids retain more when they are having FUN because they forget they're learning something valuable.  

The Maxwells are uninformed in yet another way. 

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On 10/11/2020 at 11:34 PM, Bluebirdbluebell said:

I don't think Steve and Teri really enjoyed the "fun" things they were doing before they stopped. I think they were miserable trying to do things that other people told them were fun, and that's why they stopped doing anything they didn't want to do.  If you read what Teri says,  she ends the paragraph on fun by saying

"So we transitioned to focusing more on quality talking time, working, and serving together. In the midst of those projects we did as a family, there was lots of laughter and enjoyment, plus the accomplishment of a productive goal."

Of course some of their kids may have enjoyed the "fun" they were having, but I doubt Teri and Steve did and the kids were out of luck.

Yes! It’s just a shame - my family have always found our own fun - what we do and always did for fun would be seen as crazy to others (and likewise, we saw things other families found fun and though what the heck?)

So if they were “serving” together (whatever that really means) and the one of the kids at the end of the day said “thanks mom that was really fun!” Would they not serve anymore?

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5 hours ago, allyisyourpally5 said:

Yes! It’s just a shame - my family have always found our own fun - what we do and always did for fun would be seen as crazy to others (and likewise, we saw things other families found fun and though what the heck?)

So if they were “serving” together (whatever that really means) and the one of the kids at the end of the day said “thanks mom that was really fun!” Would they not serve anymore?

No, they would serve and be thrilled that their kids find joy in the Lord or in be productive or serving others, etc.  

Teri said  that they had "lots of laughter and enjoyment, plus the accomplishment of a productive goal."

She and Steve aren't against fun totally. They're against fun things that aren't productive in their eyes. 

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