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Mom's Corner by Teri


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Teri has a new Mom's corner email.  Her blood glucose is high so Steve the Lord admonished her.  No more treats for Teri.

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I wonder if Teri started "eating her feelings" and her health suffered because of it. We don't know what went down in that family last summer, but something did. Now all three of their former stay-at-home- daughters are gone. Teri has to deal with that somehow.

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I would get sick under Stevehova‘s thumb rule as well. 😕 Steve what if you would allow her some activities she loves? Oh wait the words like, love and fun isn‘t in your vocabulary.

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Teri mentions her weight was going up.  I'm a little surprised at that as the Maxwells have always been careful about weight.  In fact, Teri always tried her wedding dress on every year on their anniversary, and bragged that she could still fit in to it.  I wonder what she considers putting on weight?

I'm agreeing with @FloraDoraDolly  about maybe eating her feelings.  What a difference it must be at the Fathership with all the adult children moved out. 

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I get so weary of the "their god was their stomach" guilt trip from fundies. Heard it enough growing up. There's nothing quite like being guilt-tripped because you're a growing preteen who wants something to eat and your parents have to over-spiritualize everything.

28 minutes ago, kpmom said:

Teri mentions her weight was going up.  I'm a little surprised at that as the Maxwells have always been careful about weight.  In fact, Teri always tried her wedding dress on every year on their anniversary, and bragged that she could still fit in to it.  I wonder what she considers putting on weight?

I remember one fundie man saying that he would weigh himself regularly and if he gained five pounds he'd immediately go on a diet and lose it to stay within the appropriate range. I'm like...I can eat a sandwich with bacon on it and weigh five pounds more TOMORROW, but it's temporary. I don't doubt that the numbers on her bloodwork may be concerning, but given what the Maxes always looked like during the blog era, I doubt she's gained that much.

Also...re: the wedding dress - I had a friend whose husband made her keep the wedding dress in the closet and put it on on command to prove at any moment that she hadn't let herself go. She left his abusive ass years ago, thankfully. But Teri's "wedding dress every year on their anniversary" thing has always been a bit of a red flag for me.

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12 minutes ago, Smash! said:

I would get sick under Stevehova‘s thumb rule as well. 😕 Steve what if you would allow her some activities she loves? Oh wait the words like, love and fun isn‘t in your vocabulary.

I'm curious what exactly they DO now, with all the kids finally out of the nest and neither of them working.

My parents have had an empty nest for decades now, but retired a few years ago. And they are busy. Busy busy busy. Camping with friends several times a year, monthly get-togethers with a few different clubs, dinners with friends, Joy Choir at church, day trips and activities with the Jubilant Seniors group at church, a "big" trip or two each year with a local travel club they have joined, activities with their Sunday school group, going to our friends' daughter's plays and recitals, a "cousin's dinner" a few times a year with the mass amounts of cousins my mom has, etc. I literally sometimes have to check mom's facebook to figure out where they even are on a particular day. And when they are home, dad is working in his shop either repairing lawn equipment for people or restoring a tractor or building a trailer for his buddy. Mom sleeps in when they are home (she is no longer allowed to bug me about sleeping late on weekends) and then is out playing Pokemon Go or going shopping or helping my sister with her garden, or doing any number of other things. She also has a monthly "girl's night" where she goes to dinner with some women she went to high school with.

Do they still stick to the almighty schedule? Do they do anything that might be considered "fun"? 

I coiuld see, if their life consists of sitting home praying about the girls who have flown the coop, that maybe cooking and eating might be the one thing that sucks the least in their lives and Teri enjoying that a bit more than she intended. 

I get the impression that a Teri who is not tied to Anchor Steve and who is not so crazy fundie would be enjoying life - gardening, hiking, maybe joining a local hiking club even. Trying out crafts and things she's always been curious about. Taking classes to learn new things. 

But with Steve? Who knows. We only see what they curate for the world to see, but it sure looks miserable. Read bible, pray, read bible, pray, dust ceiling fan, pray...

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Yeah, it’s so weird that even as their kids grew older Terri and Steve kept on acting like their children were their whole lives and they had to be just as involved with them as ever, like the kids were perpetual toddlers. The retired people I know are as busy as ever, whether it’s religious activities, hobbies, travel, etc. Terri does spend time with the grandchildren but it’s all in scheduled, specific activities with beginning and end times.

I think this transition year must be harder on Terri than Steve - or at least, I have some sympathy for her, and none for Steve. Terri went along for decades in her routine and now that routine is gone. She may nit have been particularly attached to the routine, it may have been dictated by Steve, but it was something she knew well and stopping that would be hard. 

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On 6/14/2022 at 2:23 PM, SPHASH said:

Teri has a new Mom's corner email.  Her blood glucose is high so Steve the Lord admonished her.  No more treats for Teri.

No, Teri—“the Lord” had fuck-all to do with it. You’re getting older and crap starts to happen to our bodies. We often don’t burn up calories as efficiently as we get older, and aches and pains may render us less active—and Type II diabetes sometimes just happens, even to older people who are at a “desirable” weight.

I cannot stand the expression “eating your feelings.” It places blame on people struggling with stress and depression, and implies that all weight increases are pathological.

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I know a raft load of people who developed type 2 diabetes after 50 and many of them were not couch potatoes who had a poor diet.  Stuff happens.  

In that vein don't be shocked if osteoporosis shows up even if you drank milk, exercised, etc.  The same goes for osteoarthritis, cancer, macular degeneration, and a host of other things you may never have heard about.  

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The thing that struck me was that Teri's blood glucose numbers were "approaching pre-diabetic levels"--my interpretation of that is they are still in the normal range, although on the high side.  So sure, cut back on the sweets some, especially if that's what the doctor advises.  But Teri said she cut out "sweets and other carbs" to get her numbers down.  And she felt miserable, of course.  She seems to be overdoing it.  Maybe that's the only way she can do it--like with the Pepsi, the offending foods must be completely eliminated.  I hope she can figure out some way to enjoy food in her senior years.

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Uggg. I have stated before that my dad has Steve tendencies, particularly about being busy and controlling my mom. Now my mom goes 5-9” and weighs about 125 lbs, so stick skinny and is as healthy as a horse at 85+. 2 weeks ago I heard my dad say to my mom at breakfast, “are you going to put more whipped cream on that waffle?” What an asshole, is what I thought. My mom just replied “yep.” Hello, I would have replied “EFF off.” 

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Remember that restrictive diet Steve and Teri did for at least a year after he had an episode? They both lost weight during that time. And now that they are eating more normal, maybe she has gained a few pounds. I can’t help but wonder about that restrictive diet causing issues. Restrictive dieting just isn’t healthy. Especially if you are obsessive as Steve and Teri in general. You know they take everything to the extreme! Quickly going down in weight and then back up in weight can cause issues. It was Steve that was recommended the diet, not Teri. But she just did it to support Steve of course. 

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2 hours ago, Foursquare said:

The thing that struck me was that Teri's blood glucose numbers were "approaching pre-diabetic levels"--my interpretation of that is they are still in the normal range, although on the high side.  So sure, cut back on the sweets some, especially if that's what the doctor advises.  But Teri said she cut out "sweets and other carbs" to get her numbers down.

There's a good chance she needs to increase protein.  Steve seems to like to skimp on things like chicken breast that would be good for Teri.  I'll forever blame him for the meatless burritos.  

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I think Steve is stuck on the 90s fad diets mindset that "fats are bad" so they barely eat any.

Dietary fat is very important for women, 30% of your calories should come from fat

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I didn't know that some women try their wedding dress year after year, but it's ridiculous because at some point, their body is going to change. You can keep the same weight or even less weight, but the body gets thicker (or, at least, with a different shape: usually breasts get smaller, hip gets wider etc). It does not mean that the body becomes worse at all, but nobody has the same physical features at 15, at 40 and at 70 and pretending otherwise is very damaging!

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19 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

I didn't know that some women try their wedding dress year after year, but it's ridiculous because at some point, their body is going to change.

I agree with you, but I have to share a cute story.  Both my grandmothers were tiny, right around 5 feet with petite builds.  On what would have been her 50th wedding anniversary (my grandfather died years earlier), my maternal gma put on her wedding outfit - suit, hat, shoes - she wore for her wedding in the 30's and it fit!  She had my aunt take a picture of her in it, and it's pretty funny because she looks adorable but is perched like a bird in the shoes, which at a size *4* no longer fit; she'd morphed up to a 5 1/2 by that point. LOL

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  • 4 weeks later...

Terry has been pretty quiet….so much for “monthly” postings in Moms Corner.

Suprisingly, she has ventured off to do something on her own without her husband : she is on the Missions Board/Group at her church. Probably joined when the 2 youngest girls went off to ABC, got interested in mission work and asked church members for financial support for mission trip.  So probably not something she had a personal passion in, but more of a volunteer position that provides some benefit to the family as well as helping the church.  But good for her for volunteering.

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On 7/17/2022 at 2:01 PM, Hellothere said:

Terry has been pretty quiet….so much for “monthly” postings in Moms Corner.

Suprisingly, she has ventured off to do something on her own without her husband : she is on the Missions Board/Group at her church. Probably joined when the 2 youngest girls went off to ABC, got interested in mission work and asked church members for financial support for mission trip.  So probably not something she had a personal passion in, but more of a volunteer position that provides some benefit to the family as well as helping the church.  But good for her for volunteering.

That's good news. I was afraid when the SAHDs moved out she'd take to her bed and not leave. Even better if it gets her out of the house and among somewhat like-minded people who are aren't married to her sons!

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Oh yes! She looks very happy and healthy.  Photo from church website under spoiler as not sure how large it will be.

Spoiler

image.thumb.png.d92537792e1f4bf4c80222871ee608de.png

 

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Wow, she really does look happy! Definitely happier than I can recall in pictures with her kids or grandkids. 

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On 1/18/2022 at 11:41 AM, Alisamer said:

 

But who knows what they are really like. I just feel like that whole family (except possibly Stevehovah), could just be... more. But they're not. And it's part Steve, and part them letting Steve dictate things, and a big part fear brought on by religion. They all need massive amounts of therapy.

And perhaps a kiss of antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication.

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

This month's Mom's Corner is called Start with a Schedule and it's from August 9, 2022. 

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With the beginning of a new homeschool year almost upon us, I am once again waving my scheduling flag, trying to get your attention.

I'm once again trying to sell my scheduling projects and the beginning of the school year seems like a good time.

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 Scheduling was my key to successfully homeschooling for 30 years while keeping up with my other home responsibilities. 

Scheduling was the life raft that kept me holding it together.

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 I would love to see you achieve that same level of success in your homeschool. What I suggest develops a schedule purposefully designed by you for the needs of your family, considering your priorities, and one that is thoroughly prayed through.  “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him” (James 1:5). When would we need God’s wisdom more than with how to assign and manage our time?

The sentence is red is really awkwardly worded. I would mock their success, but the Max kids are among the best homeschooled kids on Free Jinger. I think most people don't need God's help managing their time.

New Paragraph: 

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Through the years as the Lord allowed us to share what He taught us about scheduling, other families discovered its benefits. Here is one of those stories:

Teri is going to share someone else's testimony. 

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 I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for writing Managers of Their Homes. I can’t remember how God led me to your program, but I can remember what our life was like.

We had a newborn, a critically ill 20-month-old, a kindergartener, and a 2nd grader. We’d been homeschooling for 2 years and had reached bottom. Little school got done, the house was a mess, and I was desperate. I knew I had found a God-blessed product when you directed me to pray about my family’s goals and priorities.

At the end of that academic year, we still had a small baby, a critically ill child, plus two in school. We also had accomplished vastly more at school and in our home. I wasn’t desperate any more. The difference was Managers of Their Homes and my schedule.

Beyond being a better homeschooling mom, we saw many benefits that are less tangible: kids with confidence because they could do helpful chores, kids who (mostly) looked forward to school time, a mother who didn’t yell, and a husband who became a whole-hearted supporter of homeschooling.

By sharing your wisdom through Managers of Their Homes, you taught me so many things I wish I’d known when I became a wife and mother. 

Thanks,

Pam

 

Next section:

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There is no way to truly determine the value Pam received from her schedule. There were not only immediate benefits for her and her family, but also ones that will be with her children for the rest of their lives – education, a mom with a quiet heart, industrial children, a husband/wife homeschool team, and an efficient family life. I want those for your family!

Industrial children is a weird phrase. I think Teri means hard-working, but it still sounds strange. I wouldn't want all of these things for my family if I have one. I'm not sure everyone else does either.

Next paragraph

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God gives us a mandate in 1 Timothy 5:14: “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.” When we don’t manage our homes, not only are we discouraged, but we give Satan the opportunity to discredit our Lord and ourselves. As you seek the Lord for the details of a schedule for your family, you are purposeful in your determination to guide your house. 

I think you mean Paul gives you a mandate. It seems really silly and overly dramatic that Satan can discredit the Lord if the dishes weren't done, the laundry is behind, and the kids didn't do their schoolwork.

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For those who consistently use a schedule, you know that each year gets easier to put the schedule together. Your experience from the previous years of putting a schedule together and then following it is the reason. Often, you can use the basics from the last schedule such as bedtime, wake up time, chore time, meal time, and school time while only changing up the specifics of school time for the new ages and grades of your children. May I encourage you to get working on this year’s schedule so that you have enough time to fine tune it before it is the first day of school!

School already has begun in several states/schools. I think homeschoolers can fine tune the schedule fine during the school year. 

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If you haven’t tried scheduling for your homeschool days, why not do it now? Perhaps you have used a schedule in the past but for some reason or other let it go. Are you reaping the negative consequences of not being on a schedule? Is this the school year to go back to a schedule? Maybe you simply need to move forward on prepping your schedule for a new school year. 

See, you should totally listen to Teri! After all, you already regret not having a schedule.

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Managers of Their Homes has helped tens of thousands of moms set up and run a schedule. Perhaps it would do the same for you.

Since this column is almost always a sales pitch, I can't be surprised or too dismayed. Readers of the column should expect a sales pitch.

And while we snark on the Maxwells' excessive scheduling, they are doing better than a lot of fundie families. So many fundies here like Duggars, Rods, Bates, etc. don't make a schedule and the homeschooling ends up a inconsistent mess. I think homeschoolers probably do need to make schedules, but people can be a bit more relaxed about it.

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She acts like schedules are unique to homeschoolers, that she invented them or something. FFS, *everyone* uses some kind of schedule. Our bodies like schedules. Before clocks were invented people would probably still have a basic schedule of getting up when the sun rose, eating, caring for children, gathering food, caring for animals, etc. Families who send their kids to school have a much stricter schedule than the Maxwells, they need to get up by a certain time, eat, brush teeth, get to the bus, after school activities, etc. Terri had to invent the system she used because she was clearly bereft without one. She probably eagerly copied down school dates into her own calendar and I’m sure that in the short time the family did send the kids to school they were never late for drop off or pickup.

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I’m just sitting here wondering how Teri is processing Sarah’s engagement and rapidly approaching wedding. Of course she’s going to follow Stevehovah’s lead and not say a word about it until after the fact—if then.

Their silence strongly implies that Sarah’s current life is a massive announcement of the failure of their methodology.

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I think that Sarah’s being unmarried into her late 30s was a disappointment. I am guessing they always assumed a perfect godly young man would waltz into their lives when she was younger. But it never happened. I’m guessing that this is better than the alternative. She’s not going to be living by herself anymore. She will be married like they always wanted. She won’t be using birth control because she will turn 41 in January. I imagine they are happy that she is finally marrying. Even if it’s not exactly the way they wanted it to happen. 

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