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Mom's Corner by Teri


SPHASH

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@MomJeansthe fact that you took your schedule down for the summer, and didn’t set up a summer schedule, PROVES you’re not Maxwellian! ?

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I go in and out of foggy or overwhelmed phases fairly often.  I told my parents about my symptoms today, and relayed some things I've read about ADHD recently.

My dad said it might be due to spending a lot of time writing and I need to find some way to 'recharge' like maybe being more social.  (I'm an introvert, so, no.)  My mum recalled the time when my schoolteachers suggested I might have ADHD and how offended she was that someone would suggest such a thing.  I'm so glad to learn that it's not ADHD and that there's easy fixes! ?

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2 hours ago, CyborgKin said:

I go in and out of foggy or overwhelmed phases fairly often.  I told my parents about my symptoms today, and relayed some things I've read about ADHD recently.

My dad said it might be due to spending a lot of time writing and I need to find some way to 'recharge' like maybe being more social.  (I'm an introvert, so, no.)  My mum recalled the time when my schoolteachers suggested I might have ADHD and how offended she was that someone would suggest such a thing.  I'm so glad to learn that it's not ADHD and that there's easy fixes! ?

This sounds like my parents. I’m pretty sure I have ADHD as well, and when I told my parents I think I do, they said that that wasn’t possible because I was a “good kid” and was never hyper. My brother was diagnosed ADHD as a kid, but was constantly bouncing off the walls and really scatterbrained, which made my parents believe it. I also have anxiety and a form of OCD and have never told my parents because in their minds “good kids” don’t have mental health issues. 

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1 hour ago, JanasTattooParlor said:

This sounds like my parents. I’m pretty sure I have ADHD as well, and when I told my parents I think I do, they said that that wasn’t possible because I was a “good kid” and was never hyper. My brother was diagnosed ADHD as a kid, but was constantly bouncing off the walls and really scatterbrained, which made my parents believe it. I also have anxiety and a form of OCD and have never told my parents because in their minds “good kids” don’t have mental health issues. 

I don't personally consider ADHD a mental health issue, but some do I know many do and I'll save my rant about it also not always being a deficit for another day :) .

A side note about the hyperactivity, I also wasn't diagnosed as a kid yet my ex was.  Because he was overtly hyper - couldn't sit down kinda kid.  When I went back to get rediagnosed and go back on meds in my mid-40s I was surprised my ADD was now ADHD.  Even after explaining I didn't experience hyperactivity, the doctor smiled and said I hadn't stopped jiggling my leg since I'd gotten there.  He asked me to stop, I did, and immediately started playing with my hair.  Stopped that and my leg started up again.

The H often manifests differently in girls/women, often more subtle like the constant little movements rather than running around the room. Fwiw.

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1 hour ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I don't personally consider ADHD a mental health issue, but some do I know many do and I'll save my rant about it also not always being a deficit for another day :) .

A side note about the hyperactivity, I also wasn't diagnosed as a kid yet my ex was.  Because he was overtly hyper - couldn't sit down kinda kid.  When I went back to get rediagnosed and go back on meds in my mid-40s I was surprised my ADD was now ADHD.  Even after explaining I didn't experience hyperactivity, the doctor smiled and said I hadn't stopped jiggling my leg since I'd gotten there.  He asked me to stop, I did, and immediately started playing with my hair.  Stopped that and my leg started up again.

The H often manifests differently in girls/women, often more subtle like the constant little movements rather than running around the room. Fwiw.

I was using mental health issues to describe my OCD and anxiety, because I agree that ADHD is not necessarily a deficit. I also have the constant movement with either my leg jiggling or my fingers tapping against whatever is closest to them. Despite the pandemic being awful, it did give me some time to actually research ADHD in women and get validation that I do actually have it like I’ve thought I did. I haven’t decided if I want to go on medication for it, but I’m curious what would change if I do. 

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2 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

A side note about the hyperactivity, I also wasn't diagnosed as a kid yet my ex was.  Because he was overtly hyper - couldn't sit down kinda kid.  When I went back to get rediagnosed and go back on meds in my mid-40s I was surprised my ADD was now ADHD.  Even after explaining I didn't experience hyperactivity, the doctor smiled and said I hadn't stopped jiggling my leg since I'd gotten there.  He asked me to stop, I did, and immediately started playing with my hair.  Stopped that and my leg started up again.

The H often manifests differently in girls/women, often more subtle like the constant little movements rather than running around the room. Fwiw.

I just noticed my leg jiggling while I was reading this. I'm not "tons of energy" hyper, but I am "must be doing something" hyper. I can't just walk on the treadmill, and it's difficult to do so with just a podcast or music - but if there's a TV with something interesting on it, I can walk for a long time. If I'm watching a movie, I'm knitting or drawing or something. I always have to be doing something, and I fidget like crazy all the time. 

I'm 95% sure I have ADHD, but I've never been diagnosed. I'm not even sure how to GET diagnosed with the limited insurance I have. But I'd really like to try medication for it to see if it helps me. 

I'm going to put that on my "goals for the year" list - check with a doctor on the ADHD thing. 

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On 6/8/2021 at 1:11 PM, SPHASH said:

New Mom's corner up.  Summer Scheduling.  Because kids can't have fun in the summer.

Kids? Mary graduated in 2015, assuming she was 18, she is 24; Anna graduated 2010, she is 29+/-; and Sarah is 39. (I assume Maxwell diehard followers will know their exact age and DOB). 

Why is their summer schedule any different than the other 9 months? They aren't in school. Per titus2.com Sarah's biography is advertising for a husband and writing books, Anna is part-time IT help desk support (is that for their own product?) and Mary is planning on more god bothering mission trips and graphic design projects for a small business (again, is this for their own family company?). 

I understand having some type of general schedule for school aged kids to keep up on reading, sleep, crafts and play. We all don't want the kids spending every waking moment on a video game or in a book or cleaning (if you are a maxwell) but also want them to get outside and play. 

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32 minutes ago, quiversR4hunting said:

Kids? Mary graduated in 2015, assuming she was 18, she is 24; Anna graduated 2010, she is 29+/-; and Sarah is 39. (I assume Maxwell diehard followers will know their exact age and DOB). 

Why is their summer schedule any different than the other 9 months? They aren't in school. Per titus2.com Sarah's biography is advertising for a husband and writing books, Anna is part-time IT help desk support (is that for their own product?) and Mary is planning on more god bothering mission trips and graphic design projects for a small business (again, is this for their own family company?). 

I understand having some type of general schedule for school aged kids to keep up on reading, sleep, crafts and play. We all don't want the kids spending every waking moment on a video game or in a book or cleaning (if you are a maxwell) but also want them to get outside and play. 

Yeah I think a general routine for kids during the summer isn't a bad thing - like "Tuesday mornings we go to the library, Wednesday morning twice a month the cheap kids movie at the theater, Monday and Thursday swim lessons, and this week is camp." Along with regular bedtimes, mealtimes, the general household routine. My mom had something similar for us as kids - we grew up on a farm so there were built-in routines there, the cows must get milked twice a day at 5:30 am and pm, a couple mornings a week we'd have stuff to do in the garden, etc. But we also had tons of free play time. We watched movies, went swimming in the pool, rode bikes, and ran around in the woods. 

So I think some sort of schedule or routine in the summer is a good thing to have.

However, if I had school-age kids, I'm not sure I'd be thrilled about taking advice about that from someone whose youngest kid is mid-20's. I think Teri needs to hand "mom's corner" over to one of the moms with young kids, if she can convince them to take it, and change her part to "grandma's corner". I'm sure her advice on how to schedule 15 minute reading times and once-a-summer picnics will be very helpful to other grandmas who don't have adult daughters living at home to coordinate everything for them.

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3 hours ago, JanasTattooParlor said:

I was using mental health issues to describe my OCD and anxiety, because I agree that ADHD is not necessarily a deficit. I also have the constant movement with either my leg jiggling or my fingers tapping against whatever is closest to them. Despite the pandemic being awful, it did give me some time to actually research ADHD in women and get validation that I do actually have it like I’ve thought I did. I haven’t decided if I want to go on medication for it, but I’m curious what would change if I do. 

Not everyone needs or wants meds to manage theirs, but if you decide to try feel free to shoot me a PM and I'm happy to share my experience and research on this.  

Fun fact, often in women hyper activity manifests in how we think, brain activity.  It's the part I wouldn't give up for any amount of money.

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Some years ago I was listening to a show on SC public radio where a psychiatry professor from the medical school was talking about ADHD.  She said that  the term ADHD is misleading because people with ADHD/ADD actually notice everything.  

Back in the 70s, the special ed folks called kids with ADHD "Harvey Wallbangers".  I hope they do not do that anymore.

PennyS, mom to a 30 year old daughter with ADHD and mIL to a wonderful SIL with ADHD.  

Edited by PennySycamore
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40 minutes ago, PennySycamore said:

Some years ago I was listening to a show on SC public radio where a psychiatry professor from the medical school was talking about ADHD.  She said that  the term ADHD is misleading because people with ADHD/ADD actually notice everything.  

Back in the 70s, the special ed folks called kids with ADHD "Harvey Wallbangers".  I hope they do not do that anymore.

PennyS, mom to a 30 year old daughter with ADHD and mIL to a wonderful SIL with ADHD.  

I've never heard that term and I've raised diagnosed kiddos, I'm glad professionals have gotten more sensitive over the years.   For me and my kids the problem wasn't who we are as people, or even how we work, it's that our approach to the world isn't always compatible with the classroom/office/someone else's schedule thing in the world we need to live in.  I couldn't find it the last time I looked, but I read a theory many years ago about why ADHD may be more prevalent in America than in some other nations...

Back in the old world when things get crappy who else is going to be impulsive and restless enough to get on a ship and take a chance in a new country?  Whether it's the new world or another more local country, the uncertainty and fear had to have been better than being bored.  :) 

No way to know as there are a million other factors both cultural, approach to diagnosing, expected conformity, etc. which could lead to our bigger numbers but the theory was something I always found amusing.  I'd have been a day, maybe two, into the journey on the Mayflower before I became completely unbearable to live with. If that guys theory was true can you imagine the amount of foot jiggling and daydreaming that went on in that boat?  

I'm not usually a fan of online diagnosis, but William Mullins brought 126 pairs of shoes on the Mayflower voyage....instead of you know, seeds or food.  I'm thinking maybe a little adderall and his packing would have been a little more organized!

 

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Thank you for the discussions about ADHS. Now I want to get evaluated for it. I get overwhelmed very easily and can‘t focus with background noise. I have a government job without any pressure which I often find too boring. But I‘ve been asking myself lately if I could manage a more interesting job but with higher expectations to perform. I‘m constantly stressed and my anxiety kicks in often. I work part time 4 days a week and don’t know if I could manage a full time job. 

 

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On 6/14/2021 at 5:59 AM, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I don't personally consider ADHD a mental health issue, but some do I know many do and I'll save my rant about it also not always being a deficit for another day :) .

I'd add that it's not a disorder either. There are evolutionary advantages to ADHD behavior. It's our culture that is disordered.

18 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Back in the old world when things get crappy who else is going to be impulsive and restless enough to get on a ship and take a chance in a new country?  Whether it's the new world or another more local country, the uncertainty and fear had to have been better than being bored. 

Absolutely true in my ancestors' case. Well, that and poverty making that 160 acres of land for free looking pretty good. I often said there would never have been an entire series of Little House books if there'd been Ritalin when Pa Ingalls was a young man.

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18 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Back in the old world when things get crappy who else is going to be impulsive and restless enough to get on a ship and take a chance in a new country?  Whether it's the new world or another more local country, the uncertainty and fear had to have been better than being bored.  :) 

I wouldn't be surprised if that was part of it!

One side of my family came over that way - got a land grant from the king and headed on over. Another side originated from a guy SENT over... as in transported and sold into indentured servitude for "offenses against the crown" or some such. Sounds like both sides were restless and impulsive!

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On 6/14/2021 at 11:13 AM, Alisamer said:

I just noticed my leg jiggling while I was reading this. I'm not "tons of energy" hyper, but I am "must be doing something" hyper. I can't just walk on the treadmill, and it's difficult to do so with just a podcast or music - but if there's a TV with something interesting on it, I can walk for a long time. If I'm watching a movie, I'm knitting or drawing or something. I always have to be doing something, and I fidget like crazy all the time. 

I'm 95% sure I have ADHD, but I've never been diagnosed. I'm not even sure how to GET diagnosed with the limited insurance I have. But I'd really like to try medication for it to see if it helps me. 

I'm going to put that on my "goals for the year" list - check with a doctor on the ADHD thing. 

Same hat! I can't watch TV or movies at home without knitting or spinning. And I'm another one with the leg jiggling.

I went on Strattera for ADHD years ago-- it was the only thing my doctor would prescribe because it's not habit-forming, unlike Adderall and its ilk. Strattera put me in a hypomanic state, and it took months after I stopped it to get back to normal. I would really like to try one of the regular ADHD meds to see if it works, but given my reaction to caffeine (espresso makes me bark) my doctor advises against it. So I'm untreatable, I guess, and I stumble along as best I can.

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20 minutes ago, Talitha Cumi said:

Same hat! I can't watch TV or movies at home without knitting or spinning. And I'm another one with the leg jiggling.

I went on Strattera for ADHD years ago-- it was the only thing my doctor would prescribe because it's not habit-forming, unlike Adderall and its ilk. Strattera put me in a hypomanic state, and it took months after I stopped it to get back to normal. I would really like to try one of the regular ADHD meds to see if it works, but given my reaction to caffeine (espresso makes me bark) my doctor advises against it. So I'm untreatable, I guess, and I stumble along as best I can.

I would suggest seeing another doctor and exploring your options.  Fwiw I tried Stratera for a minute and had the same reaction, If it were that or nothing I'd go with nothing, that was awful for me.

For everyone I know who has found a med/does combo that works for them it took a little time to get there.   For stimulants they start you out on lower dosages and work up to where you have max benefits, but are still yourself.  If stimulants are dosed properly you won't get the euphoria or jitteriness some get when taking too much.  

And fwiw caffeine makes me jittery, but Adderall doesn't.  Everyone is different, but while they are both stimulants they aren't the same thing.  The nice thing about stimulents is they have a short half life and if they won't work for you the effects wear off in hours, not weeks like with Strattera.  

They definitely aren't for everyone, I know people who don't like how they feel on stimulants so they choose to deal with their ADHD differently.  For me I still feel like myself on Adderall, just less anxious and able to harness my focus more easily.  

So I'm not pro-med for anyone, by any means, but please don't decide you're untreatable based on one med and a reaction to caffeine.  There are good docs out there who specialize in ADHD who will give you options.

(FWIW Adderall isn't habit forming for millions of people who take it at appropriate doses.  If it was so many of us wouldn't forget to take it as often as we do :) )

Edited by HerNameIsBuffy
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2 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I would suggest seeing another doctor and exploring your options.  Fwiw I tried Stratera for a minute and had the same reaction, If it were that or nothing I'd go with nothing, that was awful for me.

For everyone I know who has found a med/does combo that works for them it took a little time to get there.   For stimulants they start you out on lower dosages and work up to where you have max benefits, but are still yourself.  If stimulants are dosed properly you won't get the euphoria or jitteriness some get when taking too much.  

And fwiw caffeine makes me jittery, but Adderall doesn't.  Everyone is different, but while they are both stimulants they aren't the same thing.  The nice thing about stimulents is they have a short half life and if they won't work for you the effects wear off in hours, not weeks like with Strattera.  

They definitely aren't for everyone, I know people who don't like how they feel on stimulants so they choose to deal with their ADHD differently.  For me I still feel like myself on Adderall, just less anxious and able to harness my focus more easily.  

So I'm not pro-med for anyone, by any means, but please don't decide you're untreatable based on one med and a reaction to caffeine.  There are good docs out there who specialize in ADHD who will give you options.

(FWIW Adderall isn't habit forming for millions of people who take it at appropriate doses.  If it was so many of us wouldn't forget to take it as often as we do :) )

Oh Buffy, thank you for this! I'm about to start a new job in a few months, and I was worried my ADHD would make me fail right out the gate. (At least at my old job they're used to me.) It's such good news to hear that I have options! Once we make the move, I'll look for a new psych and investigate this further. Thank you!

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Jumping in here to say that I THINK I may have finally found the right med combo for me. MDD, Anxiety and ADHD are my 3 big ones...my new shrink has me on a combo of Prozac and Wellbutrin. Evidently they work on different brain chemicals and the Wellbutrin also works on ADHD even though its not a stimulant. Years ago I tried both Ritalin and Adderall. I had pretty bad reactions to both, like I felt like I was trying to think through molasses in the brain. They slowed me down WAY too much. I'm caffeine immune though...I can drink my nice coffee all damn day and still crash and burn about 11pm. My hubs was the same way, I mean the man could drink tons of coffee, I mean, he wouldn't leave the house without a cup and would just about spazz when it was gone, then set the last cup of the night on his nightstand and go to sleep. 

Working is HARD with these things. Its more the expectations of others than the work itself. That's why I really like what I'm doing now, the freelance, work from home stuff. If I feel the need to get up and take a walk, I can. If I'm not in the mood to work at a particular time, I don't have to. Although I find teaching to be pretty easy...maybe it's because I'm also lecturing and demonstrating at the same time, so I'm keeping myself busy. 

Anyway, just sharing what's working for me. 

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1 hour ago, Talitha Cumi said:

Oh Buffy, thank you for this! I'm about to start a new job in a few months, and I was worried my ADHD would make me fail right out the gate. (At least at my old job they're used to me.) It's such good news to hear that I have options! Once we make the move, I'll look for a new psych and investigate this further. Thank you!

I'm so glad :)   Fwiw I've got a lot of strategies and methods for managing at work from all those unmedicated years, and still use most of them.  I have a job that requires a high degree of organization and I have zero natural ability in that area so I created an external structure of organization to make up for it.  Kind of like an exoskeleton of hacks and trickery that actually make me appear more organized than many people born that way.  

Fair warning, my list of hacks has a lot of extraneous comments about how ADHD is also helpful and why an employer is lucky to have people like us; that pisses some ADHD people off for some reason.   I'll find it and post it in AYTFJ ...as soon as I remember which laptop it's on!  ;)

 

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33 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Fair warning, my list of hacks has a lot of extraneous comments about how ADHD is also helpful and why an employer is lucky to have people like us; that pisses some ADHD people off for some reason.   I'll find it and post it in AYTFJ ...as soon as I remember which laptop it's on!  ;)

I‘m looking forward to it!

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@Black Aliss,  there was or maybe still is a website called Born to Explore that had the same premise that ADHD was adaptive earlier in our evolution when our ancestors needed to be aware of everything.  It still can be but like you said it's our culture that is out of whack.  There was also an article I read in The Atlantic written by Alfie Cohn some years ago that said that schools in the US were just not set up for kids with ADHD.  He cited how many schools are eliminating recess as contributing to that.  I recall that he said if a kid gets up to look out the window don't assume that nothing is getting into his brain.  Maybe that what the kid needs to do for what you are teaching gets into his/her/their brain.  

I know I've shared this before but my youngest daughter got sent to the office in kindergarten or first grade for cutting out paper snowflakes after she was finished with her work.   

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@PennySycamore  my daughter's constant need to draw all over her work in kindergarten, and to cut shapes with scissors at any opportunity, is what led to her being constantly in trouble, which in turn, led her Dad and I to get her evaluated and diagnosed.  In fairness, there were other signs as well, but we failed to put it together. 

She loves her how her brain works. I love how her brain works.  My family thinks I'm insane, but this year I let her sharpie doodle an entire wall of her bedroom. I joke it's our pandemic mural. 

She tried medication last year, and begged to quit it, so currently she's unmedicated which seems unusual for the kids at her school..  I assume at some point she will need or want to try medication again. This year she was at home and basically had 2 recesses a day, which really helped too. 

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On 6/14/2021 at 6:41 PM, Smash! said:

Thank you for the discussions about ADHS. Now I want to get evaluated for it. I get overwhelmed very easily and can‘t focus with background noise. I have a government job without any pressure which I often find too boring. But I‘ve been asking myself lately if I could manage a more interesting job but with higher expectations to perform. I‘m constantly stressed and my anxiety kicks in often. I work part time 4 days a week and don’t know if I could manage a full time job. 

 

I had ADHD as a child, my nickname was "Lightning" because I was never in the same place and could not sit still.  My grandfather would offer me a nickle if I could sit in a chair quietly for 5 minutes, perfectly still and no noise.  I never got that nickle.   This was back in the late 50's when no one had any idea what ADD or ADHD was, I was just a twitchy kid with lots of problems.   

Have you tried White Noise?  I discovered this by accident.  I was doing data entry for a weekly production schedule at 6:00 a.m. and it's was important to get deadline dates absolutely correct. I was on a tight schedule to get the information in, and  I would be the only one in the offices that early.  This was the same time the janitor would be vacuuming.   That steady hum coincided with a burst of speed and accuracy and I realized it kept me focused on my typing.    I found a cheap white noise machine on Amazon that also had a headphone jack.  I have trouble falling asleep, my mind just spins and relives my day and won't  quiet down, so I though it might help that as well.  I discovered that the noise was a repeating track that looped and I could hear it start over, and would then listen for the same noise variations and loop start point and that was worse.   I finally invested the money on a really good system that included several types of noise, white, pink, brown, and it specified NON repeating.  It was worth the money, it helped me concentrate and I found out that the pink noise was more soothing to me.  Strange but helpful. 

Edited by Lady Grass Lake
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@Lady Grass Lake,  I think the white noise is a part of why us women of a certain need a fan to sleep well.  Well, that and night sweats.  I saw on the episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills that Kathy Hilton was taking her fan with her on the housewives weekend at Lake Tahoe.  She needed it for the white noise.  (Btw, Kathy is Kyle Richards' sister and Paris' mom.) 

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Oh , this is a great discussion. I have been diagnosed with ADHD, as an adult, since it wasn’t a popular diagnosis in rural Northern Canada, in the 60s. I tried Ritalin, and it was horrible. 
 

Then I had a child with all the same issues that I’d had: socially inept, and all the bullies picked on her. And she was diagnosed with ADHD. I sent her to therapy, instead of getting meds, and she is an awesome functioning adult, now. The Davis Dyslexia Method? I may recall that correctly, but it is not considered a disorder, but a creative way of thinking and processing life. I protected her from the family bad guys, and she has a lot of anxiety, but doesn’t appear to have depression. I have depression, PTSD, and anxiety to cope with. The ADHD diagnosis gives me some understanding of how I work. Fortunately , I’m retired now, so I don’t have to cope with much. 

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