Mom's Corner by Teri

[fundiewatch]

I’m really stressing about phone options. We live in a brand new state in the south and my son will be starting fifth grade at a public school after homeschooling due to COVID since second grade, when we lived in the Midwest. School I don’t worry about though there are logistics. I mainly worry about equipping my kid to be in the position of always remaining safe/doing the right thing. If he is somewhere and he sees a gun (red state) or things feel off, does he have the ability to leave immediately and call me? If a parent who seemed cool now seems scary or impaired I don’t want him to have to approach someone else to make a call. Basically, I trust my kid a lot. We talk about everything and I want him to know I am always on his side. But he has to be able to let me know. Before now I thought I’d wait until he was 13 but 10 may be better. That was a lot, thanks for hearing me out. 😆 

[Lista]

The phone thing is different for all parents & a child’s “needs”to have one.  I remember using a phone booth lol.  Put ten cents in for a 2 minute call, add 25 cents for a longer call.  There’s no longer phone booths.  At least not around here. Kids can’t just stop and use one & I certainly wouldn’t want my kid asking a stranger to use their cell.  Unless it was necessary.  My oldest daughter got a phone at 10.  She was mature enough.  We live out in the sticks. So her having a phone was a good thing.  But kids can abuse phone privileges. That’s a whole new story lol. 

[kpmom]

42 minutes ago, fundiewatch said:

I’m really stressing about phone options. We live in a brand new state in the south and my son will be starting fifth grade at a public school after homeschooling due to COVID

Is it possible to get a phone without a lot of bells and whistles?

We let our son have a "burner" type phone in Middle School, but he was still able to text which he (and likely all the other kids) did way too much for his teachers liking.

My son went to a magnet school quite a distance from us so I felt better with him having a phone.  But it did interfere with his paying attention in class.

 

[fundiewatch]

@kpmom that’s a good thought! My husband has a flip phone for work which is hilarious to me for a cable/internet company. 
 

I also thought about something like an Apple Watch, or see if there is any option like that. Right now his iPad is on my Apple ID and I can see everything he does/says online. He loves his iPad a little too much and I don’t really want him having a full smart phone for that reason!

[nvmbr02]

3 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

My kids don’t go to middle school until 6th grade and that’s why I was thinking 6th grade. Their elementary school is like 2.5 blocks away. So they probably won’t need one while in elementary school. 

Ours moved over in 6th grade too. Well my older two. My younger daughter did Jr in 7th grade. She would have been in elementary school for 6th grade also, but she ended up online in an online only school due to Covid. but yes, most kids seem to get the phone just before moving to middle school/ JR High. 

[Coconut Flan]

My last visit to see the grandkids, I found out one of grandson's friends has a cell phone - at 9 years old.  The kid was texting my daughter!  We all thought that was a bit much.

[anachronistic]

A friend recently got her 9 year old something that looks like a smart watch, but isn’t. I don’t know what it’s called but it’s a phone that can only call 10 preprogrammed numbers and only get calls from those numbers. I’m not sure if it can text but there’s no internet on it. Now Kid can call their grandparents (which they all enjoy) and stay in touch if they go somewhere but it’s not a phone. Very few kids get phones before 6th grade /middle school in my experience.

Does anyone remember calling home collect for a ride but when the voice asked for your name you’d say really fast ‘atschoolcomegetme’ so your parent would reject the call and not get charged but would still come get you? I did that in high school. 

[courtlylove]

We did the 'call and hang up before answered twice in quick succession' to let our parents know we needed to be picked up.

Edited March 5, 2022 by courtlylove
for clarity

[Tatar-tot]

On 3/3/2022 at 10:45 AM, Lista said:

The phone thing is different for all parents & a child’s “needs”to have one.  I remember using a phone booth lol.  Put ten cents in for a 2 minute call, add 25 cents for a longer call.  There’s no longer phone booths.  At least not around here. Kids can’t just stop and use one & I certainly wouldn’t want my kid asking a stranger to use their cell.  Unless it was necessary.  My oldest daughter got a phone at 10.  She was mature enough.  We live out in the sticks. So her having a phone was a good thing.  But kids can abuse phone privileges. That’s a whole new story lol. 

I have been through this with my own kids through a few lunatic events:

1.  If you want the kid to have a phone turn it off & if there is an emergency he/she can turn it on.

2.  Every school has an emergency plan that has been developed with law enforcement and outside consultants.  They will not disclose the plan to you.  The teachers are trained and drilled to respond. 
3.  If there is an emergency you will not be able to get on campus so don’t plan on coming to rescue your child until they give an “all clear.
4.  Whether it is a snow storm, tornado or a freak schools are far better prepared than they were 10 years ago. After every crazy incident the schools review their plans and make changes as warranted. 
You need to remember that people who teach love kids and they want them safe.  The teaching staff also want to go home alive.  Trust me as a parent and now with my daughter a teacher schools take security very seriously.  They will do everything in their power to keep your child safe. 

[Bethy]

On 3/4/2022 at 8:36 AM, anachronistic said:

Does anyone remember calling home collect for a ride but when the voice asked for your name you’d say really fast ‘atschoolcomegetme’ so your parent would reject the call and not get charged but would still come get you? I did that in high school. 

I never did that, but I do remember a commercial for some sort of long distance calling service/plan where a new father places a collect call to his parents recording his name as "WeHadABaby It'sABoy" (funny that I remember the exact wording and inflection, but can't remember what they were advertising!)

ETA found it on Youtube, it was a Geico ad encouraging people to save money by switching to Geico instead of cheating the phone company.

Edited March 9, 2022 by Bethy

[Jana814]

19 minutes ago, Bethy said:

I never did that, but I do remember a commercial for some sort of long distance calling service/plan where a new father places a collect call to his parents recording his name as "WeHadABaby It'sABoy" (funny that I remember the exact wording and inflection, but can't remember what they were advertising!)

ETA found it on Youtube, it was a Geico ad encouraging people to save money by switching to Geico instead of cheating the phone company.

I loved that commercial. I thought it was hysterical. 

[SoSoNosy]

This page has several phones that are good for kids; basic, no internet or games.

https://www.fatherly.com/gear/best-basic-phones-kids/

[Bluebirdbluebell]

New Mom's Corner although it's dated April 5, 2022. There was no Mom's Corner for March, at least on the blog. (I find the articles on the blog; I don't subscribe to either Steve's or Teri's columns.

It's called EXPEDIENT AND EDIFYING and it's from April 5, 2022.

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A common problem for Christian women is feeling too busy. We express concerns about being pushed, stressed, anxious, and worn out because of all we do. Is it possible we bring some of that on ourselves through the choices we make concerning our time usage? 

I think most of Teri's target audience feels too busy, because they have tons of kids, homeschool, have to do housework, childcare, and their husbands often don't feel the need to help. Even a "smallish" family can be a lot of work. She's already lost me. 

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Scripture gives us practical guidelines to help us. “All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not” (1 Corinthians 10:23). Might we evaluate our time usage by seeing whether what we are doing is expedient or edifying? The word “expedient” in the Greek means “be better for, good, profitable” and “edify” means “to build up” (Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance).

People need their down time. Shaming women who worn out already for not using every second constructively is not help or edifying. 

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Computers/Media

Let’s start by looking at an area that is part of our 21st century lives – computers and media. Our mothers might have struggled with spending too much time on the phone, but with media, we moved into a realm where the other person doesn’t even have to be available for us to engage. 

Teri you're of the phone generation. I know she had a few high school kids in the 2010s, but I doubt Teri had trouble managing her time on the internet. Part because she's older, but mainly because she's married to Steve.

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How many hours a day are you giving of your life to your computer or your phone? Have these actually become addictions for you? From Facebook to shopping to YouTube videos, many spend hours on their computers. These are often the same moms who are stressed by how busy they are. Are they wasting time on the computer while ignoring what is truly important in their lives? What about you? What would happen if you were to stay off your computer, phone, and iPad except for necessities? Would your time pressure ease? You might find out if you are actually addicted by trying not to be on your computer or other devices. 

The number one culprit to me seems to be Instagram, but not all busy mothers are on the web all the time. I think it's condescending and gaslighting to act like the only reason women are too busy is the internet. I think most of their readers are probably busy trying to homeschool, do housework, and take care of their little ones.

It's a trick to convince readers that the fundie lifestyle is manageable; it's just technology getting in the way.

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Another gauge might be to compare how much time you spend with the Lord each day in your Bible reading and prayer – there’s no doubt that’s edifying! – versus how much time you spend with media. Ladies with time pressure might spend hours a day on their computers and phones while being unwilling and unable to get out of bed in the morning to meet with their Lord in His Word because they are so tired. 

I take it Teri and Steve are of the Bro Gary school of thought that the bible has to be a physical book. They have sites like biblegateway.com and aps where people, even famous people, read the bible to you. They have prayer groups on social media and church services on youtube. 

And that's not why most women are tired. It's doing the bulk of the physical, mental, and emotional labor for the family, which includes reading the bible. 

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Beyond time usage, what kind of example do you give to your children when you are on your computer or looking at your phone so much? Is it an edifying or expedient example. Is this media time edifying for you or for your child?

Many children have learned to be on-line all the time without their mothers teaching them. I will say I can see making a point to turn off the screen and having screen-free time to bond and connect. Then again people can have trouble bonding with their kids without a screen problem. It's weird they're less worried about bonding and more about the example being set.

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Is your computer/media time good and profitable? Does it build up?

This is a good question for most people to ask, not just "busy moms".

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Schedules

Could your time pressure be because you aren’t using the time you have available efficiently? Putting together a schedule and using it is a simple solution to that problem. It really isn’t that hard, and it is amazing how much more you will accomplish when you are on a schedule. 

Yes, I think schedules are a good idea. However there is so much we can't schedule, especially people with small children or have a lot of kids at home all day.

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Making a schedule helps you weed out activities that are not expedient or edifying. Seeing your activities, with their time usage, written down will help you prioritize what you do, while eliminating what isn’t expedient or edifying. What you do has to fit into a 24 hour day.

I know there are 24 hours in a day, but you have to sleep. You also have to eat. A lot of screen time isn't planned. I also think schedules are easy to derail. 

Quote

Here’s what Proverbs tells us: “Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise” (Proverbs 6:60). We observe that ants are busy, working, always doing. Is it possible that we have come to believe that we need “down” time, and we justify watching a movie or TV or getting on our computer as that? Could it be that the quiet, down time the Lord wants us to have is with Him, in His Word? “Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth” (Psalms 46:10).

This is just judgmental and a repackaging for Steve's diatribes against the beast. Again not cool shaming people who are just to trying to live their lives. Reading and praying aren't necessarily relaxing, especially the way the Maxwells seem to do it.

Now I will say that watching movie or television isn't necessarily a good substitute for sleep. Also sometimes it is good to take a break and sit in quietness, but I feel like there are ways to talk about this without guilt-tripping.

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A Lens of Expedient and Edifying

If you feel too busy and stressed, could I encourage you to evaluate what you are doing through the lens of being expedient and edifying? Then would you drop those activities that don’t fit? 

Again I think a lot of the busiest moms who are tired don't have a lot of activities to drop. I think there are some valid points, but mixed in with fundamentalism and trying to shame people. I think that this would be a decent sermon if it wasn't aimed at busy Christian moms, many of whom have too much put on their plates. The patriarchy of conservative Christianity lays too much of the responsibility to the women, moms, and oldest daughters in the family. 

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If you need help with a schedule, I recommend our classic scheduling book that has helped thousands of moms manage their time well (https://titus2.com/products/managers-of-their-homes/).

All a sale's pitch. Yes, all of your stress and worry will be gone if just buy our schedulers. 

Spoiler

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

On 3/4/2022 at 8:36 AM, anachronistic said:

A friend recently got her 9 year old something that looks like a smart watch, but isn’t. I don’t know what it’s called but it’s a phone that can only call 10 preprogrammed numbers and only get calls from those numbers. I’m not sure if it can text but there’s no internet on it. Now Kid can call their grandparents (which they all enjoy) and stay in touch if they go somewhere but it’s not a phone. Very few kids get phones before 6th grade /middle school in my experience.

Does anyone remember calling home collect for a ride but when the voice asked for your name you’d say really fast ‘atschoolcomegetme’ so your parent would reject the call and not get charged but would still come get you? I did that in high school. 

My husband and I were talking about getting that watch for my 9 year old. We just can’t decide. His 9 year old friends don’t have phones and I sometimes feel weird calling the parent’s cell phone to tell my kid to come home. So one of those watches might be good for telling him to come home. 

[kpmom]

I'm not saying Teri's life as a Christian homeschool mom was easy by any means, but she also had a full-time, live-in Mother's helper in Sarah.  Something most of the moms she writes these Corners for don't have.

Also, making these moms feel guilty about taking downtime is just shitty, Teri. 

[MomJeans]

Seeing that Terri & Steve are speaking at a homeschool conference, and the constant push by Terri for her products in her blog, makes me wonder if they are really selling much these days?

Even the most rigid Christian moms I know use their phones/computers for making spreadsheets.  I personally run a very detailed weekly schedule, and it's all in my drive so that I can pull up on my phone.

I have family members whose moms used the Managers of Your Home system growing up, and none of their daughters have purchased it.  

[freejugar]

I imagine they have to move the book inventory out of the garage, that's why the ad.

 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

1 hour ago, freejugar said:

I imagine they have to move the book inventory out of the garage, that's why the ad.

The Mom's Corner is usually an ad and they make a little money from the profits of selling that stuff.  They have plenty of room for the stuff with all of their kids gone.

[SamanthasMom]

The GizmoWatch has worked out really well for us, and is a good interim step before a smartphone.

[ClareDeLune]

I think I remember photos of the sons reading the bible on their phones. Though they also seem to make a big deal out of hving special bibles with covers and space for notes and underlining.  Maybe Teri means 'social media' rather than just 'media'?

 

 

[fundiefan]

Teri's ranting is nothing more than mom shaming/shaming in general. And pushing the all mighty schedule. You can hear the condescension in her voice even while reading her words on a screen. Oh, a screen - - the Internet the Maxwells have used all along to reach people. It's ok for them, but you're a failure as a parent if you are short on time & waste it online & by not having a schedule. 

 

[ClareDeLune]

I remember now a guest post by Melanie who has her phone on silent and facing the other way as a godly solution to the desire to chat to friends when spending the whole day alone with children! 

[Black Aliss]

On 3/3/2022 at 7:54 AM, kpmom said:

Is it possible to get a phone without a lot of bells and whistles?

You can still get flip phones! Some carriers will even give you one; or some prepaid plans will sell you one for $20-30. And, while you can text on a flip phone, you have to be willing to put up with T9 predictive texting which, yeah, we used to be able to do that without thinking but that was before smart phones.

[FloraDoraDolly]

Has anyone read Teri's latest? What do y'all think of that child who is over-the-moon excited about her chore packs?

[fundiefan]

13 hours ago, FloraDoraDolly said:

Has anyone read Teri's latest? What do y'all think of that child who is over-the-moon excited about her chore packs?

Some child in Teri's imagination. Young kids get excited pretty much about what they're told to get excited about.. 

"Honey, do you want to help mommy clean? Wouldn't that be fun? It sounds like fun, doesn't it? Here, take this broom and sweep the floor and see how much you will love it. Oh, I am so proud of you. Such a good girl."

Young child likes the adoration from mom so now she agrees that she loves to sweep the floor when what she really loves is the love from her mother being expressed & the praise she is receiving. 

Clueless mom says: "Look at my little helper. She loves to serve & has such a servants heart. She gets so excited when it's time to sweep the floor. She is going to be an excellent helpmeet".