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Mom's Corner by Teri


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HerNameIsBuffy
1 minute ago, SassyPants said:

I am not sure why anyone would take parenting advice from either Steve or Teri. They have basically infantilized their own daughters and prevented them from ever moving away from their parents or planning and living self motivated or goal filled lives. How come Steve has not had and serious gentleman callers for ANY of his daughters? These girls are happy, pure ( Steve value) and pretty, each in her own way. Why no interest shown? Steve HAS FAILED those girls. Even Gil and JB have married daughters...

Going just on stuff they post I’d say Mary And Anna present as happy but Sarah never does.  Her smiles rarely reaches her eyes unless she’s with Ellie and the way she writes is just perfunctory and devoid of emotion.

and you’re 100% right, no one should take advice from them on parenting.  I have a couple kidults still at home but they have their own lives...the thought of spending all day every day with my kids as if they are grade schoolers in need of supervision would be so depressing and considering Sarah is pushing 40 they are showing how hands on parenting apparently never ends.

Don't get me wrong - I love spending time with my kids, it’s the eternal holding pattern of all day every day which would drive me crazy.  (Not that any of mine would tolerate that for even an hour.  I still want to know how the hell they got them to be so obedient for so long.  On second thought I probably don’t want to know.)

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SassyPants
10 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Going just on stuff they post I’d say Mary And Anna present as happy but Sarah never does.  Her smiles rarely reaches her eyes unless she’s with Ellie and the way she writes is just perfunctory and devoid of emotion.

and you’re 100% right, no one should take advice from them on parenting.  I have a couple kidults still at home but they have their own lives...the thought of spending all day every day with my kids as if they are grade schoolers in need of supervision would be so depressing and considering Sarah is pushing 40 they are showing how hands on parenting apparently never ends.

Don't get me wrong - I love spending time with my kids, it’s the eternal holding pattern of all day every day which would drive me crazy.  (Not that any of mine would tolerate that for even an hour.  I still want to know how the hell they got them to be so obedient for so long.  On second thought I probably don’t want to know.)

Whenever I would ask my husband why we never got a compliant or straight as an arrow kid ( TEEN), he’d always say the following: Apple-tree, and what did you think our spawn would be like. However, they are both happy, healthy, educated, employed and contributing to society people! Growth and maturity come from having experiences, making mistakes and living with the consequences. Sarah has no reason to be happy. She’s a 40 YO with the freedoms of a 4 YO, and forced to live daddy’s life in daddy prison. It is criminal that Steve has been allowed to do this to 3, neurotypical and able bodied women!

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HerNameIsBuffy
1 minute ago, SassyPants said:

Whenever I would ask my husband why we never got a compliant or straight as an arrow kid ( TEEN), he’d always say the following: Apple-tree, and what did you think our spawn would be like. However, they are both happy, healthy, educated, employed and contributing to society people!

That's what happens when you raise kids to think for themselves and support them in being who they are meant to be.

I've always told mine they will make mistakes, we all do, but just stay away from the life changing mistakes.  Mine will never be compliant little sheep, but they are productive, decent, compassionate people who have educations and jobs...plenty of flaws like all of us, but damn I'm proud of how they turned out.  

It's funny because while not at Steve levels, I am by nature overprotective and have more than my share of control issues so I had to deliberately go against my gut instincts many times and give them appropriate levels of freedom.  Because I knew my gut isn't always healthy and intuitive and I didn't want to act on impulses that I knew stemmed from my own emotional baggage.

 

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Hane

Once again, I remember an old “Can This Marriage Be Saved?” column from “Ladies’ Home Journal.” In it, a husband and father had had a vasectomy, but experienced a religious awakening and wanted to reverse his vasectomy so he and his wife could have more kids. She was vehemently opposed. The counselor agreed with her, and suggested other ways the couple could accommodate the husband’s spiritual needs, such as a special prayer room.

I thought that the counselor dropped the ball: a sudden outburst of hyperreligiosity can indicate the outset of mental illness.

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Jana814
13 minutes ago, Hane said:

Once again, I remember an old “Can This Marriage Be Saved?” column from “Ladies’ Home Journal.” In it, a husband and father had had a vasectomy, but experienced a religious awakening and wanted to reverse his vasectomy so he and his wife could have more kids. She was vehemently opposed. The counselor agreed with her, and suggested other ways the couple could accommodate the husband’s spiritual needs, such as a special prayer room.

I thought that the counselor dropped the ball: a sudden outburst of hyperreligiosity can indicate the outset of mental illness.

I remember that article. I think the wife wasn’t happy that her husband became religious. 

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Red Hair, Black Dress
4 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I still want to know how the hell they got them to be so obedient for so long.  On second thought I probably don’t want to know.)

 I'm not an authority on all things Maxhell -- but did Steve advocate and practice corporal punishment?  Voddie Baucham advocates and practices it for all children who live at home, no matter how old they are.

There's something about Steve that makes me suspect he does the same -- even though I don't have a shred of evidence.

Beating the hell out of children usually does 1 of 3 things -- drives them away, turns them into abusers, or breaks their will and spirit completely. Sarah always looks to me to be completely broken. (I seriously hope she's not)

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MamaJunebug

Do we know if Teri actually graduated? 

And as much as I detest her snd Steve’s actions, I can’t imagine there’s any one reason she followed his directions. Laziness, depression, fear, effects of abuse, true belief — I believe there were many reasons and that they seem to have combined into a perfect storm. 
 

I choose to see the moves of the two sons out of Leavenworth as an indication that whatever they may cling to from their parents’ abysmal guidance, they reject at least parts of it. 
 

The rest, who knows?  My perceptions are that Melanie & Anna are better at homeschooling than Teri and Steve were.  Anna’s kids know their maternal family as far as kids that young can ”know” anybody. Melanie’s family is reportedly devout but still accepts and loves Mel’s sister who is a rather glamorous, ambitious Nashville country singer (ie, she wears short-shorts in some publicity pictures!) who is open about some very tough times in her past. So Mel& Nate’s kids also are aware that there are parts of the world beyond The Compound that are not necessarily 150% sinful.
 

What I’m saying is: I keep hope alive that Steve & Teri’s ... mistakes ... don’t have the multi-generational effects that Steve & Teri hope they will. I’m a hopeful insect.  

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Joe Pukepail
11 hours ago, fundiefan said:

I think Teri would have thrived in a science field. Very meticulous, scheduled, step by step, no variance of those steps. Follow what must be done to the letter. What was her unused degree in? I think in a job where everything is clearly defined, she would have been able to get lost in her work and maybe get some enjoyment out of it and accomplishments. 

Being a mother left too much to be decided by her, too much that can go in directions opposing what is planned. Real human beings, even those you make yourself, don't follow along without variance. I don't think she is equipped for the decision making, proactive parts of life. She needs every step laid out and determined so she can just follow along.

That is not parenting, or homeschooling. 

I really see her as a cautionary tale. 

Teri and I honestly have much in common, both good and bad. At my first grade parent-teacher conference, my mom told my teacher that she was concerned I would grow up to be a person who worked alone in a lab to avoid contact with people and had a ton of cats. My teacher told her not to worry, but I'm currently sitting in the lab where I work, midway through the night shift, which I selected because there are fewer people around. I have two cats, which is about half as many as I would like, and I hate leaving my house for any reason. I do have a partner, but I'm a hardcore introvert. 

I don't ever see myself having children. I need a LOT of downtime, and I love a clean and tidy home. Fortunately for me, I wasn't pushed into a lifestyle completely unsuitable for my personality. Teri is an odious person, but her life has also been really sad in a way. I have a hard time being sympathetic to her because she's basically destroyed the lives of her children, but idk think it at least merits mentioning that she is likely miserable in the way she chose to live, and at this point, she doesn't really have a viable way out.

1 hour ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

 I'm not an authority on all things Maxhell -- but did Steve advocate and practice corporal punishment?  Voddie Baucham advocates and practices it for all children who live at home, no matter how old they are.

There's something about Steve that makes me suspect he does the same -- even though I don't have a shred of evidence.

Beating the hell out of children usually does 1 of 3 things -- drives them away, turns them into abusers, or breaks their will and spirit completely. Sarah always looks to me to be completely broken. (I seriously hope she's not)

Yes, they use corporal punishment and I believe have expressed admiration for the Pearls and their horrific childrearing "techniques".

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SPHASH

Teri has a new Mom's Corner.  Must.  Always.  Have.  Bible. Time.

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Naga Viper
16 hours ago, MamaJunebug said:

Oh, I DO!!!! Yes, yes, yes.  I think you'll love it, just, "knowing" you as I "do" from these boards. I mean, Joel McHale, Allison Brie, Danny Pudi, Donald Glover, Yvette Nicole Brown, Gillian Jacobs, Chevy Chase, and oh my gosh Ken Jeong as Senor Chang --- it's some of the best tv I've ever watched.  And no laugh track.  It didn't need one.  ETA an actor who I've not seen in anything else but who in Community is just as perfect as everybody else: Jim Rash. Credit where credit's due, folks! ❤️ 

I probably need to use my kid's Netflix password to watch it when I feel blue.  Can a person just choose to watch something on Netflix? Or does one have to wait until its regularly scheduled airing?

Oh, yes, yes, yes Community.  SO great!

And let's not forget Jeff Winger playing a game of strip pool! (Not really NSFW, but probably something people would want to view judiciously in an office setting.)

Spoiler

tumblr_72bf7ad60d10634296b5dd6ad34b2b2a_5fde89cd_540.jpg.6ec26649b1174e2160878649c650013a.jpg

I posted a pic of Joel McHale in his underwear on a Maxwell thread. My day is now complete.

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Bluebirdbluebell

Today's Free Breakdown, of Teri's New Mom's Corner: Busy Moms Can Read the Bible

It says Teri wrote it, but I bet Steve wrote it. Steve has pushing bible-reading in his column.

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We regularly discuss in Mom’s Corners the necessity and value of busy moms reading their Bibles. Sadly, it is easy for anyone, and the busier, perhaps the easier, to declare she is just too busy to be in the Word. The excuse is that God understands. But I wonder.

In other words, Steve and Teri stopped doing most of the chores moms do, such as helping with homework, changing diapers, etc. on daily basis. One of the few things left that might connect Steve and Teri to their audience is reading the bible. 

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The God of the Universe says our desire for the sincere milk of the Word was to be as if we were newborn babies. “As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby” (1 Peter 2:2). That means we crave the Word if we want to grow, and time is not even to be a consideration (babies have lots of time).

There the Maxwells go again comparing food to bible reading! Steve has been doing this consistently for months on the dad series.

We crave stimulation to grow. Time is definitely a consideration. Babies have lots of time, but that's why being a baby doesn't last.

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AN EXAMPLE OF A BUSY MOM WHO READS HER BIBLE

I had lunch the other day with a friend, who recently moved from across the country and now lives just 45 minutes from me. She’s a busy, homeschool mom, like many of you are or were. In 2007, she started reading her Bible daily. At that time, she only had two children. Now she has five. Her life has only gotten busier since she started daily, Bible reading. She has had every reason to say she didn’t have time, but she wanted to grow spiritually.

It seems weird that heading is in all caps. 

Also I'm glad this mom has time to do something she finds fulfilling. 

Also notice that while no doubt being a mom of five takes a lot of time, by fundie standards this is a small family. She had two kids in 2007, and in the 14 years that followed she had three more kids. A lot of fundie moms have 3 kids under 4 and a bunch of kids beyond that. 

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Fourteen years after that decision to daily spend time reading her Bible, she now has a beautiful, spiritual life along with thirteen lovely journals that document her faithful meetings each morning with her Savior, Jesus Christ. Back then, she grabbed hold of a simple, yet powerful, way to spend time in the Word. She reads, finds a verse that speaks to her heart from her reading, copies that verse into a notebook, and then journals about what that verse said or meant to her. She told me what an amazing blessing that time in the Word has been to her.

I'm glad she found something that works for her. Just because it works for her doesn't mean it will work for everyone. Schedules and needs vary. She can be busy and other women can still be busier. 

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THE BUSY MOM’S OUTCOME WHEN SHE READS HER BIBLE

Her life shines with the spiritual fruit that comes from Bible reading. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law” (Galatians 5:22-23).

I observed that fruit in her life as we talked. Her life was not pressure-free. She had struggles and difficulties, but she radiated faith through them. She sparkled with joy in what God was doing in her life and her family’s life. She was filled with love for those she served. She demonstrated peace as she talked about the trials she faced. She lived out long-suffering as she told about physical problems that were ongoing. 

Again good for her that this is working for her. Stop using this woman to pressure other woman to read the bible. 

Also I'm picturing this woman like an ad for a skin care or vitamin regimen as Teri says she "sparkled with joy." Maybe she has MLM business on the side. 

I don't really resent this woman, just Teri using her as a paragon of virtue.

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JESUS SAYS NOT BY BREAD ALONE

When Jesus faced Satan’s temptations in the desert, one of them was to command the stones to be turned to bread. After all, with forty days of fasting, Jesus was hungry. He did have a physical need. “But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4). Do we consider time in the Word to be even more important than our daily physical needs and duties? Or could it be that a little more sleep or the pressures of responsibilities push out time for the words God gave us in the Bible?

Stop trying to guilt people for needing to eat, Steve Karen Teri! 

Steve has been doing this in his Seriously Dad columns. He harps on people for needing to eat. Not for what they eat, but that they eat at all. He describes our daily need for food as "legalistic." It's not legalistic, you as*holes.

I'm so tired of Steve shaming people for being able to take time and eat a meal, but not read their bible. Sometime it is more important to eat than read everyday. The Lord's Prayer says "Give us each day our daily bread, not our daily bible verse."

"proceedeth" is pretentious word you're borrowing from Bro Gary. 

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MARY SITS AT JESUS’ FEET

We have another example in the New Testament that I believe we can relate to—the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38-42. 

“Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word. But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”

Jesus was Mary's friend and they were having fun, Steve. The sisters welcomed Jesus at their home for a party. 

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Nothing in my life compares with serving Jesus like Martha was serving Him by preparing food for Him and the disciples. Yet, Martha was rebuked for being burdened with her service, and Mary was commended for hearing Jesus’ words. Jesus said that Mary learning from Him was what was needed. 

Jesus thought fun was more important than housework.

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IS IT WORTH BEING TOO BUSY?

May I again implore you to set aside any “too busy” excuses for not spending time reading your Bible? Would you choose today to find a place in your busy life for God’s Word and then be faithful to meet Him there every day?

Again, no offense to retired people, but Steve and Teri, you are in less and less of a position to judge others for being busy. I think God would understand needing to tend a young or sick child, etc.

I'm not against reading the bible if it makes someone happy or is something they want to do. I think it can be useful for people.  Stop pressuring people! 

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“Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path” (Psalms 119:105).

“Thou art my hiding place and my shield: I hope in thy word” (Psalms 119:114).

These verses aren't about guilt, Teri and Steve. Don't use them that way.

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For more encouragement on this topic of our walk with the Lord and Bible time, check out Sweet Journey.

Ah the obligatory sales pitch, which is all this is.  I get they need to make money, but it would annoy me that this column is just a sales pitch if I was reading this sincerely. Also if someone doesn't have enough time to read, wouldn't you rather they just read the bible than one of your books. Steve and Teri? What if they only have time to read one book... and they pick yours?

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allyisyourpally5

I would argue God would prefer quality bible reading to quantity anyway. Reading something every day doesn’t necessarily mean you will take it on or benefit from it. The bible is long, small print, nap day heavy. 
 

Id I read my books for my university course daily just for a short while I would not take in what I read. When I purposely set myself up for study at a good time when nothing else was happening or nothing else needed, I did much better and understood what I was reading and was able to apply it to my assignments. I would absorb anything I read at 5am.

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kpmom
On 3/19/2021 at 10:07 PM, MamaJunebug said:

Do we know if Teri actually graduated? 

 

I'm a little late in answering this, but yes, Teri graduated from college.

She mentioned at one point she was able to proctor her grandkids when they took annual standardized tests because it required a proctor who had a bachelor's degree and she has one.

I wonder if it occurred to her that absolutely no one in the next generation would be able to proctor as no one was allowed to go to college!!!!

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Alisamer

Steve is starting to sound a lot like Gwen at this point, going on about not eating.

But I suspect what's really going on is that Steve dislikes his heart-healthier eating he's been doing and/or he's resentful that the rest of the family is following his diet with him less and less, so he's breaking out his old standard, the guilt trip. 

His whole adult life has been about his own shortcomings - if he feels guilty about enjoying something, no one in the family is allowed to enjoy that thing either. Now he's under doctor's orders not to enjoy some food-related things, so of course he thinks no one else in the family should enjoy those things either. And he's going to go on and on about it, publicly, and do his level best to make them feel guilty as well. 

He's an emotional abuser using the Bible as justification, and he's disgusting.

And Teri? She's a victim, but she's also an enabler. The whole family needs intensive therapy.

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Jana814
50 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

He's an emotional abuser using the Bible as justification, and he's disgusting.

And Teri? She's a victim, but she's also an enabler. The whole family needs intensive therapy.

I very much agree with this. Teri & their kids are victims of Steve’s wants & needs. 

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allyisyourpally5

Do the girls drive? I just wondered if they have the physical ability to just drive off for a secret MacDonalds in theory. I know it’s just a theory, because they would be guilt tripped and would obey their parents if told no, and we know they would ask.

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PennySycamore

@Bluebirdbluebell,  I burst into applause when read your paragraph about Steve being legalistic about eating.  OK, it wasn't very loud but I didn't want to wake the dogs up.  

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fundiewatch

I am pretty sure that Sarah normally writes the mom’s corners. She’s talked about it many times and I find that so odd because she’s not a mom. Terri is kind of more Queen Mother at this point. 

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Melissa1977
On 3/20/2021 at 2:21 AM, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

I'm not an authority on all things Maxhell -- but did Steve advocate and practice corporal punishment? 

They said they hit the boys sometimes, but they don't usually advocate for that and definitely have never said it was OK to hit adult children. I suppose they are too smart to write about that. But I also think they prefer using mental abuse, manipulation and emotional punishments. Steve is so afraid of touching other people that it may have prevented him of hitting kids when they were older, especially the girls. 

This said, they were friends with Pearls. So even if Maxwells didn't hit their children a lot, they are comfortable among others who do it. 

1 hour ago, allyisyourpally5 said:

Do the girls drive? I just wondered if they have the physical ability to just drive off for a secret MacDonalds in theory. I know it’s just a theory, because they would be guilt tripped and would obey their parents if told no, and we know they would ask.

Sarah drives, but I'm not sure about the other two. Sometimes the sisters go to a coffee shop or go shopping. Sarah drove alone once!!!!!!!!!!! she went to another town!!!!!!! And took a cup of coffee there!!!!!!!! Alone in a coffee shop!!!!!!!!!!!1!11!!!!!!1

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Melissa1977
6 hours ago, Alisamer said:

And Teri? She's a victim, but she's also an enabler. The whole family needs intensive therapy

Teri is a victim of herself. She was the one who took kids out of school and kept them locked in a room for long hours daily, because she couldn't handle them neither homeschool them. They were little children. It's abuse and she was as guilty as Steve. Did Steve left his job because he couldn't stand working with women or because Teri needed him at home? I think it can be a mix of both. I don't find it difficult to believe that Teri put pressure on him. 

She's a manipulator and it can be seen in a lot of what she writes. In my opinion, she's been cruel a lot of times with her children.

Teri reminds me of Lori. Very different (Teri is way smarter) but very similar: mental issues, not enjoying raising kids, not enjoying home chores, meek amd submissive but their husbands had to cook/homeschool/take care of kids, often sick, never truly content, stubborn...

Steve is toxic and in no way I condone him, but Teri is not a poor victim in this story IMO.

 

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