Dillards 86: It's a Long Way to Tipperary

[subsaharanafrica]

20 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

Pull out is a very popular form of BC for middle aged married couples. Probably because fertility decreases, sex is not happening too often and they could afford an oops baby.

 

This seems to be the case for my friends circle in the US. It’s probably 50/50 between pull and pray and the guy has had a vasectomy. We’re talking mid 30’s to late 40’s couples with existing kids. The common denominator is that the females are all “retired from birth control”. 

[Sullie06]

My friends/peers/associates seems to be the opposite end of the spectrum, were mid to late 30s, when it comes to BC. I don't know a single couple who uses the pull out method. Most of my married friends/family either went the sterilization route (if done having kids) or have an IUD. Most of my single friends are on the pill, the ring or have an implant. I actually have had a tubal and I have a hormonal IUD because of my Adenomyosis. My best friend has a copper IUD even though her husband had a vasectomy. It's strange how different regions have different approaches. 

[medimus]

I'm suprised at the numbers using withdrawal! I meet very few people using that as contraception and I work in a sexual health clinic, so ask pretty much every patient I see what kind of contraception they use. 

Much like natural family planning/fertility awareness, you really need the buy in from both partners for it to work, so I suppose it makes sense for couples who have been together for longer, are stable and could deal with an unplanned pregnancy to be able to rely on it more.

[LancetteShing99]

We also use the pull out method. We maybe want more children but as we have a baby and a toddler, we don't want to throw another one in the mix right now. But if it happens we could deal with it. When we decide that we are definitely done having kids my husband will probably have a vasectomy.

And I have no I idea what kind of birth control my friends are using.

[Casserole]

5 hours ago, medimus said:

I'm suprised at the numbers using withdrawal! I meet very few people using that as contraception and I work in a sexual health clinic, so ask pretty much every patient I see what kind of contraception they use. 

Much like natural family planning/fertility awareness, you really need the buy in from both partners for it to work, so I suppose it makes sense for couples who have been together for longer, are stable and could deal with an unplanned pregnancy to be able to rely on it more.

Don't you think people lie to you, given your position? Like, I know I should tell my GYN everything, but 20 year old me did not tell her I was only using the pull out method. I think I told her we used condoms to prevent what I perceived as "judgement" so I feel like your patient polling may be skewed, though I may be very wrong. 

Disclaimer that she tests for STDs annually with PAP smears, so not telling her didn't feel that important. I have a copper IUD now. got it in 2016 because I figured its 10 year lifespan would get me through the Trump era presidency and subsequent loss of women's rights, but now I am not so sure 10 is enough ?

[Tatar-tot]

Jill posted a cute video on Instagram today.  I have to give her credit.  She is carving out her own path on a road she has never traversed.  I think it is just a matter of time when she becomes a Cub Scout Den mother.

[HeartsAFundie]

1 hour ago, Tatar-tot said:

Jill posted a cute video on Instagram today.  I have to give her credit.  She is carving out her own path on a road she has never traversed.  I think it is just a matter of time when she becomes a Cub Scout Den mother.

Derick was in the Boy Scouts...I think he made it all the way to Eagle...and doesn't his brother Dan work for the organization? So Izzy and Sam in Scouts, with den mother Jill at the helm, is definitely a possibility.     

[JDuggs]

13 minutes ago, HeartsAFundie said:

Derick was in the Boy Scouts...I think he made it all the way to Eagle...and doesn't his brother Dan work for the organization? So Izzy and Sam in Scouts, with den mother Jill at the helm, is definitely a possibility.     

Derick was not too pleased when the Boy Scouts eased its restrictions on gay leaders and gay and transgender Scouts. We’ll see how it affects their choices for their boys regarding Scouts.

[marmalade]

Dan also quit working for the Boy Scouts a couple of years ago.

[sabeek]

I’m 27. My husband and I used the pull out method for a while, along with some NFP as well to know which days we should definitely  use a condom. And I was pregnant with the first attempt  when we decided we wanted a baby. So I don’t think it was just luck. It has it’s place, though. I’m about to finish chemotherapy for choriocarcinoma and the only way to know if the cancer comes back is monitoring my hcg for a year. A pregnancy would make it impossible to monitor. It wouldn’t even cross my mind to attempt to use anything other than hormonal birth control for now. Likewise, if I wasn’t exclusively with 1 partner that I’d be content having a baby with, NFP and pull and pray would be a hard no. 
 

 

[medimus]

5 hours ago, Casserole said:

Don't you think people lie to you, given your position? Like, I know I should tell my GYN everything, but 20 year old me did not tell her I was only using the pull out method. I think I told her we used condoms to prevent what I perceived as "judgement" so I feel like your patient polling may be skewed, though I may be very wrong. 

Disclaimer that she tests for STDs annually with PAP smears, so not telling her didn't feel that important. I have a copper IUD now. got it in 2016 because I figured its 10 year lifespan would get me through the Trump era presidency and subsequent loss of women's rights, but now I am not so sure 10 is enough ?

Perhaps, but I have plenty of patients who say they don't use anything and a handful who say they use some variety of calendar/timing method, neither of which would be recommended and there are quite a few of those. 

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

Possible Overshare re: pulling out. We're all adults but putting in spoilers for the easily grossed out 

Spoiler

Last time I was in a LTR with a cisgender man, I insisted on pulling out AND the pill. This was partially to do with fear of accidental pregnancy, partially because I dislike the, uhm.... ooze factor.

 

[sabeek]

On 9/26/2020 at 10:46 PM, LilMissMetaphor said:

I know nothing about the birth control methods that everyone I know is using.  Does that make me the outlier?

 

I have a group of about 5 women that I’d consider my closest friends, ranging in age from mid-20s to early-40s. I know what all are using 

I’m also curious if that’s typical or not. ?

[OHFL2009]

17 minutes ago, sabeek said:

I have a group of about 5 women that I’d consider my closest friends, ranging in age from mid-20s to early-40s. I know what all are using 

I’m also curious if that’s typical or not. ?

I don't have a lot of super close female friends, but I definitely don't know what method(s) any of them use. 

[fluffernutter]

I'm in my 40's, me and my girlfriends all know and talk about intimate stuff too. Lucky me, I'm the oldest and going through perimenopause. So I get to be the first sharing my ultra-fun times with that. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

My friends right now are in their late 40's to late 50's, most of us have either had our tubes tied or their male SO had a vasectomy, and or are in the throws of menopause or post menopausal. I have 2 good friends who are lesbians (they are married to each other) they like to say, no dick no worries. ?

The 3 female friends I have whom are still young enough to conceive are all on the pill.  I think when we were all younger we would always talk about what we were doing to prevent pregnancy. 

[kmachete14]

Im in my late 20s (yikes scary to say that hahah) & most people I know who are unmarried: on the pill or IUD

most people I know who are married: pull-out method 

(obviously this is a very CIS pool of examples)

In my own personal experience, I was just so exhausted with the rigamarole of the pill. The mood swings, low libido, headaches, weird skin problems . . . . once I was married I knew I would never go back on hormonal birth control. Now we use the pull out method because although it isn't as reliable, we know we are committed to each other and wouldn't mind if we "accidentally" get pregnant. Once we've had as many kids as we can handle, I'm voting for a vasectomy for my husband. 

[FiveAcres]

4 minutes ago, kmachete14 said:

Im in my late 20s (yikes scary to say that hahah) & most people I know who are unmarried: on the pill or IUD

most people I know who are married: pull-out method 

(obviously this is a very CIS pool of examples)

In my own personal experience, I was just so exhausted with the rigamarole of the pill. The mood swings, low libido, headaches, weird skin problems . . . . once I was married I knew I would never go back on hormonal birth control. Now we use the pull out method because although it isn't as reliable, we know we are committed to each other and wouldn't mind if we "accidentally" get pregnant. Once we've had as many kids as we can handle, I'm voting for a vasectomy for my husband. 

Most of my birth control experience was based on during my first decade with my partner, who got a vasectomy when we were in our early thirties. We had great success with barrier methods, including the despised (and rarely mentioned these days) diaphragm used with a spermicidal agent. I think our great success with barrier methods was because we were both firmly convinced (based on our respective family histories) that I would get pregnant if we had even one occasion of unprotected sex. 

I briefly tried the pill but was worried about the long term consequences of taking it, even with the low estrogen dose formula. This would have been in the late seventies. 

It was also helpful that once I was in my early twenties, I had a clockwork regular period which was fairly light and didn't mess with my moods. My regularity didn't change until perimenopause. 

[viii]

I have a handful of close girlfriends but I only know about one of them. 

[SorenaJ]

I don't know what sort of birth control people are on, except one friend, who is on the mini pill. I am on the mini pill, which has no estrogen, and I'm so happy with it. No side effects at all, and my periods have stopped, which is a bonus, because they were very painful and heavy. 

Edited September 29, 2020 by SorenaJ

[Wifey4Lifey]

My friends and I (mid 20s - early 30s) definitely talk about birth control with each other, so I know we're pretty much an even split between the pill and IUD. Mix of married, long term dating, and singles. The one who'd been married the longest went off the pill and used condoms/ pull out for a few months, until the one time they did neither and she immediately got pregnant. They had wanted to wait another couple years until kids, but knew the risks and were in a good position to have a baby, so it worked out fine. 

[Daisy0322]

3 hours ago, sabeek said:

I have a group of about 5 women that I’d consider my closest friends, ranging in age from mid-20s to early-40s. I know what all are using 

I’m also curious if that’s typical or not. ?

I would say I know the method about 80% of my friends are using. I’m late 20s. 
in general 
married with kids- vasectomy

married want kids or more kids- pull out

single in a relationship - pill 

single- condom and pill

[sansan]

On 9/25/2020 at 9:28 AM, Idlewild said:

Jessa could be there for damage control purposes - I’m sure she knows people are speculating who are the disapproving siblings. My gut instinct is she isn’t that bothered unless it affects the show or her SM status- she clearly makes her living from both. I go with Jana, Joe and Anna as the unsupportive ones.

I would hate to think she is JB’s mole. Telling her to keep in touch with Jill and report back to him. Hoping that is not true but hopefully she will always remember if he does it to Jill he would do it to any of them. He needs to remember that one day he may be infirm and all those kids might have a say in what happens to him because, ya know, Michelle will continue to be useless.

[Thorns]

Reflections on the importance of women in the life of Jesus? Isn't this rather progressive for a Duggar family church alumni?

Edited September 29, 2020 by Thorns
New phone, it can't spell.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

I do think Jessa was doing damage control. While I think she cares for Jill I think she cares for her paycheck more, just like dear old dad. 

You know he's still got the older married kids ratting out anything that JB wouldn't approve of if they see it. I'm honestly surprised to see Joy & Austin with a large TV in their living room and so out in the open, I figure if any of the others have one, they are tucked away in a closet or an armoire.  I'm not sure how far apart they all live,  but I imagine a sibling or parent dropping by unannounced isn't unusual.  I'm sure there are things besides the TV, but that was the one that stuck out to me.