Dillards 86: It's a Long Way to Tipperary

[louisa05]

12 minutes ago, Dominionatrix said:

This is all encouraging and even exciting, but I sincerely hope it was genuinely Jill’s desire to make this public. They acknowledge leaning on YouTube for income, and putting out such info was sure to get them lots of views, which increases their pay.  I hope Jill is speaking willingly and not out of pressure from Derick over the money they could make by telling all on their monetized YouTube channel. 

In these Q&As they have referenced many times making plans and decisions together. It is appearing more and more that in practice they now have an egalitarian marriage. They may claim it’s not; many fundie lite couples talk about submission but in practice are egalitarian. 
 

I also think that the Jill were seeing now is showing the emergence of independent thinking and continuing to infantilize her with the notion that she had no agency because of her upbringing is insulting. She’s clearly pushing back on her upbringing. 

[Vivi_music]

Jill comes from a family who views limiting your family size has going against the will of God. Younger Jill was also one of the most drenched in the family kool-aid. The fact that she is now willing to publicly talk about birth control for me is astonishing.

To make a LGBTQ comparaison, I feel like this Q and A video series is like Jill coming out of the ''non-Quiverfull'' closet. ?

[Idlewild]

Jinger and Jeremy just happened to be doing a Q&A on their podcast- I bet they were annoyed the Dillards got the headlines! 

Just speculating but there was talk that JinJer got their own contract/payment arrangements with TLC. I wonder if this was made possible by the Dillards legal action to get compensated??

[IsmeWeatherwax]

@Four is Enough I only noticed it the last time I watched a few weeks ago! Ive seen the film many many times and yet no, I didnt recognise him lol What Walter wants, Walter Getz ?

[kiwi]

Imagine being married into a family that wants you to sign a NDA - what the heck else are they hiding in the prayer closet?? The mind boggles.

[lumpentheologie]

Spoiler b/c explicit sex discussion

Spoiler

On 9/30/2020 at 3:34 AM, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

You cum at the same time as your partner? I've never done that, ever.  I'd say we're doing it wrong, but we usually need a bucket and a mop when its all said and done.   So it seems pretty right to me, at least he makes sure I get mine and mine again, and again and sometimes even again, before he's done. 

Vasectomy 15 yrs ago took away the anxiety, the IUD was to help with my endometriosis pain.

I don't always, maybe about half the time. I guess the combination of my partner's pleasure and things getting harder/faster at the end really does it for me. Most of the guys I've been also get more pleasure from not pulling out. Everyone's body and desires are different though, so I'm glad you've found what works for you! I guess I just had no idea I was in the minority on this. 

 

[lumpentheologie]

13 hours ago, Mama Mia said:

I’m glad the IUD works for you, it’s so interesting how different peoples bodies react. I had nothing but serious problems with hormonal birth control, or IUD’s. And had babies on the various barrier methods. Two daughters though are really helped by the hormones in the pill. - Be careful with remembering to replace the IUD though, if it’s recommended. I have a family member who had a surprise baby at 50 because she forgot ?maybe I am thinking of the pull-out method differently than others — but there are definitely way to make it mutually beneficial .....

Thanks, I am careful to replace it every five years, I should have been more clear about that. ?

Just fyi for anyone who hasn't had an IUD in a while, they're a lot better now than they used to be. Starting about 10 years ago some new ones came out that have way fewer side effects, and that's when they started to be recommended as the first choice for women of all ages. One of the biggest benefits is that there's no discrepancy between "perfect use" and "actual use" so they're much more effective than condoms or the pill. I was also told that mine had only 1/20th the hormones of the pill and that they were totally localized in my uterus, so that's one of the reasons for reduced side effects. Here's a scientific article about the new IUDs: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s40834-016-0011-8

I totally agree that non-PIV sex can be great, I just wouldn't consider that "pulling out." To me pulling out is when you're having PIV right up until the moment of orgasm. And there are a lot of guys who can't or won't 100% control that. 

[wendy-sparkles]

Gosh it would be interesting to know what all the siblings responses to Jill getting some sort of payout was, and if it's led to Jim Bob having to give some sort of direct financial compensation to at least some of the children. It must have been a fairly big sum, even at minimum wage, if you think Jill had been working since she was a child and was featured a quite a bit. Do we know if Jill and Derick getting that money lines up with eg Jessa and Ben getting Grandma Mary's house? Jinger and Jeremy also bought that house in Laredo, maybe they got back pay from Jim Bob too? Or maybe that's how they decided they could afford Jeremy's seminary? No wonder JB doesn't want Jill around the rest of the kids. I liked how the answer to how they afford law school was essentially Jill has worked and is working now, as opposed to Michelle who pretended none of the TV/writing/speaking stuff was real work.

One of the things that I think is interesting to me is people talking about TLC being hit up for payment, but surely if it wasn't Jim Bob it would be the production company? The Duggars are portrayed as having fairly close relationships with the people at Figure 8 ie when they're in China Scott's wife (Courtney? I can't quite remember sorry) who is one of the producers, goes into labour and I think Jill goes to the hospital with her and they do a, little segment on how close they are to the Enlows (I think it's that episode at least). There's also an episode where Josie has a seizure and iirc it's Scott dealing with a lot of it. It would suck to realise not only have your parents massively let you down, but at the very least they've been enabled by all the adults you trust around them eg Grandma Mary also.

Honestly Derick was smart not giving us any answers until he could put in in a monetised video. When he said the place he'd like to travel to out of the country was Texas, it reminded me of how he is online so much, he clearly thinks it's funny to be completely oblique/annoying as hell.

I listened to the Jeremy and Jinger Q and A and it was so unbelievably dull, especially compared to Jill and Derick giving us the tea we wanted.

[Italiangirl]

Could Jb have paid Jill only her time on counting on Jill and Jessa? Since before the show was a family thing (19 kids etc) and technically he could have said he has used the money to raise Jill? So it could have been a lighter sum than what many think? This could have been how they were able to pay for the new house. 

Also wow who would have thought even just a couple of years ago that Jill and Derick would have distanced themselves so much from the main family? The contrast between her and Jinger now is really something. 

[MiddleAgedLady]

Does anyone know how much money Jill can make on her YouTube channel? 

[SassyPants]

If she has lost her family for making different family decisions than her parents, that’s really a Shitty thing. JL disagreed with JB’s decisions but he never cut JB out of the family. I think Jill still  has a relationship with everyone but JB. JB, you picked DD!

Also, how sad they couldn’t have had open, honest discussions before marriage and before a honeymoon pregnancy.

[sableduck]

For picking Derick, JB screwed up his own plans but also found someone who truly loves and cares about his daughter.

They acknowledge Jill is working, because she is, and she’s being smart about it.  But I’m just really impressed they acknowledge that she’s essentially supporting them.

The birth control thing is honestly the biggest. JB and Michelle built their whole brand around it to the point of it being in Josh and Anna’s wedding vows.  By saying yes, we’re using birth control and planning pregnancies, Jill is throwing the whole brand out the door.

[FleeJanaFree]

I was a little impressed with how well Derrick did in the video. If I didn’t know more about him, I think I would find him likable! He’s learning to phrase things better to not smack the hand that  feeds him. (I’m thinking of his Jazz incident) He knows they need the money/views and i really think he’s now trying not to alienate viewers. I think he also realizes there’s money in standing up to JB. 
 

jill has already exceeded my expectations. I hope she’s able to get a real education if she wants one. If she truly wants to stay home, I support that too. 

[Glasgowghirl]

Sad thing is Jim Bob has most likely shown more anger over Jill and Derick legally getting their money back than Josh abusing his daughters. Jim Bob hates the fact Derick, the man he was so happy to set Jill up with, is smarter than him and has now made him look even more a fool. Jim Bob likes control and Jill was the daughter he appeared to have the closest bond with, the fact Jill has openly spoke against a lot of things that she grew up believing will piss Jim Bob off, Michelle is likely pissed too but will want to try and keep some sort of relationship with Jill. 

[Tangy Bee]

On a sad note this could actually increase viewers for Counting On. People who really didn't watch much before, will now be curious about the craziness. Jill was the most devout Duggar child. I actually thought Josh was before the scandal. He probably regrets appearing so perfect and preaching all the time. Probably thought his secrets were safe. That's what happens sometimes when you're not "Worldly Savvy".

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

6 hours ago, lumpentheologie said:

Thanks, I am careful to replace it every five years, I should have been more clear about that. ?

Just fyi for anyone who hasn't had an IUD in a while, they're a lot better now than they used to be. Starting about 10 years ago some new ones came out that have way fewer side effects, and that's when they started to be recommended as the first choice for women of all ages. One of the biggest benefits is that there's no discrepancy between "perfect use" and "actual use" so they're much more effective than condoms or the pill. I was also told that mine had only 1/20th the hormones of the pill and that they were totally localized in my uterus, so that's one of the reasons for reduced side effects. Here's a scientific article about the new IUDs: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s40834-016-0011-8

I totally agree that non-PIV sex can be great, I just wouldn't consider that "pulling out." To me pulling out is when you're having PIV right up until the moment of orgasm. And there are a lot of guys who can't or won't 100% control that. 

If you are sensitive to hormones, like I am, they can be a nightmare. I had a horrible experience, but sadly I dragged it out for 7 years because of fat shaming OBs, two of home said I was too fat for them to even consider treating.  When I was trying to complain about how I was feeling and possibly getting it taken out after 6 months.  I'm 5'8" & at the time weighed 250 lbs. Because of the IUD & the horrific  treatment by 3 different OB/GYNs I've gained almost 70 pounds from the IUD, depression and then depression meds.  Fat shaming doctors can suck my FAT ass. 

I digress, (sorry ADHD gets me like ooh new topic) I agree IUDs have improved a lot over the last few decades, compared to what they were back in the 90's when I first considered getting one. I know 4 other women who had the Mirnia IUD, like I did and none of them had any problems, they loved it which is why I got mine. 3 of the 4 are on their 3rd one now the 4th is on her 2nd one.

Issues with the Mirnia IUD are rare, but they are there, if you get it put in and find you are gaining weight for no reason, or you are suddenly feeling anxious/depressed etc, have it removed ASAP.  The doctors will tell you it is impossible, because of the low dose of hormones, but it isn't. of the millions of women who use them every year, 10s of thousands have adverse reactions to them. Just tell your doctor you don't care what they think on side affects, you don't feel right & it all started when you got the IUD, so take it out because that is what YOU WANT. 

[becky_m2001]

2 hours ago, SassyPants said:

If she has lost her family for making different family decisions than her parents, that’s really a Shitty thing. JL disagreed with JB’s decisions but he never cut JB out of the family.

I don't think Mary would have allowed that. It seemed to me like she wore the pants in the relationship and JL knew that if she had to choose, she would choose JB.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

57 minutes ago, Glasgowghirl said:

Sad thing is Jim Bob has most likely shown more anger over Jill and Derick legally getting their money back than Josh abusing his daughters. Jim Bob hates the fact Derick, the man he was so happy to set Jill up with, is smarter than him and has now made him look even more a fool. Jim Bob likes control and Jill was the daughter he appeared to have the closest bond with, the fact Jill has openly spoke against a lot of things that she grew up believing will piss Jim Bob off, Michelle is likely pissed too but will want to try and keep some sort of relationship with Jill. 

I've long wondered if J&D got the house from JB, I figured he bought them the house to shut D up, I guess he did. 

I do think some JinJer may not "approve" of Jill & Derrick but I'm sure they benefited from them, in that they were able to get their own contract (if rumors are true).

I think Joy & Austin were able to quietly walk away from the show because of J&D, JB didn't want anymore drama & them leaving and coming and going "as time permits" is a nice way make it look like all is well. I've always thought that Terry Forsyth didn't want Austin under JB's control, and made sure that Austin was financially stable enough to be his own man. I think this is why they didn't take a house owned by JB when they married, that house comes with all sorts of strings, and when they finally did take one, it was dump that required 100s of hours of work and 10s' of thousands of dollars to fix, & I think he only acquiesced because Joy wanted out of the camper badly & she'd just lost Annabelle and Austin would have done anything for her at that point.  Josh, Jessa, Joe, JD, Josiah and even Jill for a while, got move in ready homes when they married. Jessa got a surprise remodel while she on her honeymoon, but that was because the house was fairly run down after Josh & Anna lived there for several years, did that house get rented out when J&A moved to DC or did it just sit empty? Joy & Austin were they only ones who had to essentially build their own house. 

[becky_m2001]

How different is the TLC/Jim Bob contract situation different from any family owned business? I'm not asking to be snarky towards anyone, I'm just genuinely curious how that would work. I mean, there are family owned restaurants and the head of the family is typically the one signing the paychecks. How would that be different in the Jim Bob situation? Is he just not paying them anything, is he paying them less than they should be getting, etc...?

[Jinder Roles]

@allthegoodnamesrgone I’m so sorry that happened to you. 
 

Fatphobia and misogyny in the medical industry need to go! 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

57 minutes ago, Jinder Roles said:

@allthegoodnamesrgone I’m so sorry that happened to you. 
 

Fatphobia and misogyny in the medical industry need to go! 

I can't even imagine being a fat woman of color, that is even worse. 

 

1 hour ago, becky_m2001 said:

How different is the TLC/Jim Bob contract situation different from any family owned business? I'm not asking to be snarky towards anyone, I'm just genuinely curious how that would work. I mean, there are family owned restaurants and the head of the family is typically the one signing the paychecks. How would that be different in the Jim Bob situation? Is he just not paying them anything, is he paying them less than they should be getting, etc...?

A family owned business, one would assume that family members are considered employees of the company and are given weekly/biweekly/bimonthly/monthly pay checks, depending on how frequently that business does payroll. From what I understand TLC pays JB and JB gives the kids a debit card that he has sole control over and allows them to use it for what they need but knowing he will see EVERYTHING they purchase. He doesn't give them cash to hoard away for themselves, he controls it all and only lets them use it on an "as needed" basis. 

[becky_m2001]

1 minute ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

A family owned business, one would assume that family members are considered employees of the company and are given weekly/biweekly/bimonthly/monthly pay checks, depending on how frequently that business does payroll. From what I understand TLC pays JB and JB gives the kids a debit card that he has sole control over and allows them to use it for what they need but knowing he will see EVERYTHING they purchase. He doesn't give them cash to hoard away for themselves, he controls it all and only lets them use it on an "as needed" basis.

Yeah, that's fucked up. If he was cutting each of them a paycheck like they were employees it wouldn't really be a problem. Wow...

[SassyPants]

29 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

I can't even imagine being a fat woman of color, that is even worse. 

 

A family owned business, one would assume that family members are considered employees of the company and are given weekly/biweekly/bimonthly/monthly pay checks, depending on how frequently that business does payroll. From what I understand TLC pays JB and JB gives the kids a debit card that he has sole control over and allows them to use it for what they need but knowing he will see EVERYTHING they purchase. He doesn't give them cash to hoard away for themselves, he controls it all and only lets them use it on an "as needed" basis. 

How do you know this specific detail?

[indianabones]

I tried to go back on the Pill a month ago, and had an allergic reaction to it four days later. I was so upset (I had gotten a year's worth of it, too!) I was hoping to stop my period since I have terrible cramps every cycle. And ruptured ovarian cysts, which are not fun.

My doctor wants me to try an IUD but I'm afraid I'll have an allergic reaction to that somehow as well. I have mast cell activation syndrome so it's not out of the realm of possibility. 

At least I don't have to worry about pregnancy prevention right now. Being single at the onset of the pandemic+social distancing=celibacy for this gal ?

[lumpentheologie]

1 hour ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

If you are sensitive to hormones, like I am, they can be a nightmare. I had a horrible experience, but sadly I dragged it out for 7 years because of fat shaming OBs, two of home said I was too fat for them to even consider treating.  When I was trying to complain about how I was feeling and possibly getting it taken out after 6 months.  I'm 5'8" & at the time weighed 250 lbs. Because of the IUD & the horrific  treatment by 3 different OB/GYNs I've gained almost 70 pounds from the IUD, depression and then depression meds.  Fat shaming doctors can suck my FAT ass.

I am so sorry you had to deal with this. It's crazy to me that doctors can refuse to treat fat people. I mean, WTF, everyone needs medical care!