Dillards 86: It's a Long Way to Tipperary

[purple_summer]

46 minutes ago, indianabones said:

Anyone else catch how Derick compared homosexuality to adultery, stealing, lying, and murder? 

That’s in the line of “we believe homosexuality is a sin, but so is x, y, z.” It’s not exactly being open or supportive or equal rights, but you don’t see people giving ultimatums to someone who lied to their parents once. Basically acknowledging that person beyond their sexual orientation which is a step up from “all gay people are pedophiles who want to molest your daughters in the bathroom”. 
Chaotic neutral if you will. 

[Mama Mia]

23 hours ago, lumpentheologie said:

I know what most of my female friends are using for birth control (late 20s to late 30s). It’s just another life struggle to talk about for us , I guess. Pretty much everyone is using an IUD or the pill. One friend who was using pull out got pregnant and had an abortion. I wouldn’t recommend it as a method but I don’t think anyone I know would be okay with having a surprise baby. A lot of us don’t want kids at all or anytime soon, and certainly no one wants to get pregnant during Covid. 
 

I have a hormonal IUD and it’s one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. I want to keep it in till I go through menopause so I never have a period again. I’m also surprised so many people are down with pulling out.  Besides the risk, in my experience it makes the sex way worse. (Anxiety + not getting to come at the same time.)

I’m glad the IUD works for you, it’s so interesting how different peoples bodies react. I had nothing but serious problems with hormonal birth control, or IUD’s. And had babies on the various barrier methods. Two daughters though are really helped by the hormones in the pill. - Be careful with remembering to replace the IUD though, if it’s recommended. I have a family member who had a surprise baby at 50 because she forgot ?maybe I am thinking of the pull-out method differently than others — but there are definitely way to make it mutually beneficial .....

[seraaa]

1 hour ago, indianabones said:

Anyone else catch how Derick compared homosexuality to adultery, stealing, lying, and murder? 

"Hate the sin, love the sinner"

?

Edited September 30, 2020 by seraaa
wrong quote!

[JMO]

I was just thinking.  All her rebellion can be traced back to that one sinful front hug in the airport.... 

[luv2laugh]

I think it will take Jillard a few decades to become progressive enough to support the LGBTQ+ community, if they ever do. The majority of people that voted Trump in office are likely homophobic too. Look at Catholics like Amy Coney Barrett, Scalia, and Kavanaugh...

[pook]

14 minutes ago, seraaa said:

"Hate the sin, love the sinner"

?

Hate the belief, love the believer.

[Sullie06]

I have been very pleasantly surprised by these Q&A's they don't have to answer any of these questions but they are choosing to to and that takes guts, especially for Jill. She's making a conscious effort to speak out for herself, even if it will go against and cause issues for her family. Obviously, many of their belief's are still horrid, but so are many "mainstream" Americans. I have Catholic family who feel my sister sinned for marrying a black man. Those belief's are disgusting but they also don't beat a dead horse. My sister knows how they feel, they know how she feels, we don't get into debates about it and live our lives. I guess the most hope I have for this is how Izzy and Sam grow in the future and what they chose to believe or follow. 

[luv2laugh]

Jill is making a ton of headlines in the media over using birth control. I bet the Duggars host prayer meetings for her on a weekly basis at the TTH to “bring Derick and Jill to true salvation”. They probably feel poor Jill, as helpmeet, must submit to being led astray by Derick who is fueled by greed (litigated over family funds), “disrespecting poor pops in the media and tainting our family ministry”, drinking alcohol (JB gave a speech with Jchelle where they condemned pants with David and Priscilla on the stage and lamented how “nothing good comes from alcohol and now Austin is on right path”), and using birth control!
 ???

it is a big deal because their wedding had the highest ratings and they vowed to have as many babies as God wants:

Edited September 30, 2020 by luv2laugh

[SassyPants]

The latest Q&A was much better in Terms of presentation. Good questions and interesting answers. Again, listening to how proactive Cathy was in D’s education, she must have been out of her mind with concerns over the Duggars’ approach and lack of priority placed on their kids learning anything. Also, Jill’s ability to be debt free??? Because she worked from a young age to support her family as well as herself? The Duggars do not present a healthy relationship with money or  sustainable financial life plan ( uncontrolled reproduction and refusal to hold family supporting jobs). Basically, beyond a love for Jesus, which millions of people around the world also share, these 2 did not have much in common in the beginning. No wonder Jill seemed so sad. Thankfully, with distancing herself from her caustic family, getting counseling and finding a supportive group of friends, Jill is flourishing- Good for them!

[becky_m2001]

35 minutes ago, pook said:

Hate the belief, love the believer.

That's how I am with my Mom. She's deep in the Southern Baptist pit and I'm an atheist. It makes things interesting. I have to give her credit for not trying to shove her religious beliefs down my throat.

The only time I had to get on her about it was when she had one of her pastors go to the hospital to see my grandfather, who was of the opinion that all religion is nothing but a cult. Grampa was in the palliative care unit at the time, barely knew who any of us were, and she arranged for a complete stranger to go and preach to him without asking me first. I pissed her off when I told the staff that no visitors were allowed unless approved by me.

[neurogirl]

Ok correct me if I'm wrong - 

Michelle was wrong about her previous use of hormonal bc leading to Caleb's miscarriage. BUT in my understanding of my mirena hormonal IUD for example, the IUDs are intended to prevent fertilization in the first place, but also have back up mechanisms of thining the uterine lining to make implantation more difficult. So on the VERY off chance a sperm got through and fertilized an egg, it would have a difficult time implanting. But since J & D believe the fertilized egg is a baby, they still wouldn't be able to use IUDs so as to "not cause abortion." 

I disagree with them, but I do hope they learned enough about the methods to have that reasoning, and not Michelle's. 

[Tangy Bee]

Now if a Duggar kisses before marriage, I'll get more excited ??

[JDuggs]

28 minutes ago, Tangy Bee said:

Now if a Duggar kisses before marriage, I'll get more excited ??

Ooh, that will be a good topic for the next q and a. Do they still think waiting to kiss until marriage is important or will they be okay with their kids making a different choice? Do they wish they would have had more physical contact before marriage?

[SassyPants]

I think using birth control and public education are far more telling of a change in beliefs  than whether or not one smooches before marriage.

[OrchidBlossom]

4 hours ago, coffeebean7 said:

Did she actually say they sued JB , or is it possible they sued TLC?

I wonder if it even got to that point. Civil law suits are public typically. Maybe the lawyer was hired to send a demand letter and things never got to the point of litigation? REGARDLESS I'm happy to hear that they were willing to try even if it may have been an uphill battle.

Every time they post I find myself just getting a little bit excited for them. So may positive steps forward.

They said they hired an attorney to get their money. But we know (IIRC) TLC pays JB so that's almost definitely who the lawyer was hired to talk to. Since lawsuits are public I doubt they sued anyone, that's a last step and I'm sure JB wouldn't want it to get to that. I think people are using the word sued more liberally here to mean like, in some way got lawyered up. 

5 hours ago, skybrink said:

Given the education Jill had and the environment she grew up in, I am actually impressed by the way she talks regarding LGBTQ+ at the end of this Q+A. You can see she is reaching for language that isn’t familiar to her but goes at it anyway. She’s trying to articulate ideas that are fairly liberal for her experience. This woman is a massive victim of her upbringing and I agree with an earlier poster - it is incredibly sad to think what Jill could have achieved given the chance at a proper education.

Being LGBTQ+, it makes me so angry to have fundies/anybody deny us basic human rights and dignities. However, Jill (and possibly, cautiously Derrick, given that he seems to at least understand pronouns) appears to be growing and learning. I hold out hope that one day she could sit down with someone from the community and understand the damage done by anti-LGBTQ+ politicians, groups and misguided “freedom of speech” but baby steps. She certainly isn’t alone - it’s not even a ‘fundie Christians only’ belief. There are plenty of people before her I’d like to have that chat. Given her recent changes, therapy, lifestyle choices, I’m going to give her a pass this once. 

as a card carrying Gay (well... bi, but under the umbrella of Big Gay) I don't know if I give her a "pass" personally but more like a "reserve judgment". Like she's clearly in the midst of figuring a lot of stuff out and they've shown a marginal willingness to step away from what they previously believed so... that's something. Enough that I want to see where they go with it. 

[JDuggs]

24 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

I think using birth control and public education are far more telling of a change in beliefs  than whether or not one smooches before marriage.

I think abandoning the whole courtship model would be a pretty big step too.

Posters often comment how strange it much be to go from holding hands to sex in one day. Maybe it was difficult for them and now in retrospect, it made their marriage harder.

[Snarkasarus Rex]

 

47 minutes ago, OrchidBlossom said:

They said they hired an attorney to get their money. But we know (IIRC) TLC pays JB so that's almost definitely who the lawyer was hired to talk to. Since lawsuits are public I doubt they sued anyone, that's a last step and I'm sure JB wouldn't want it to get to that. I think people are using the word sued more liberally here to mean like, in some way got lawyered up. 

I agree that’s how they probably got Boob to pay up...they hired a lawyer, they threatened to sue, and he decided to pay them rather than risk a civil lawsuit. Even if they didn’t win, Boob would look look really bad when it was revealed he wasn’t paying his adult children a regular salary.  Dillwank did mention Boob tried to get him to sign an NDA a while ago, but he didn’t. 

Edited September 30, 2020 by Snarkasarus Rex
Oops

[Satan'sFortress]

I just finished reading Tara Westover's memoir, Educated. It makes me feel like I have a little better understanding of how hard it must be to move away from these fundamentalist families. I feel very bad for Jill if she really does lose her family over these changes she's making. 

Which makes me question, what do y'all think is the worst thing Jill could do in the Duggar's eyes?

[libgirl2]

3 minutes ago, Satan'sFortress said:

I just finished reading Tara Westover's memoir, Educated. It makes me feel like I have a little better understanding of how hard it must be to move away from these fundamentalist families. I feel very bad for Jill if she really does lose her family over these changes she's making. 

Which makes me question, what do y'all think is the worst thing Jill could do in the Duggar's eyes?

Birth control. Oh wait, she did that. 

Edited October 1, 2020 by libgirl2

[Bad Wolf]

Just now, Satan'sFortress said:

I just finished reading Tara Westover's memoir, Educated. It makes me feel like I have a little better understanding of how hard it must be to move away from these fundamentalist families. I feel very bad for Jill if she really does lose her family over these changes she's making. 

Which makes me question, what do y'all think is the worst thing Jill could do in the Duggar's eyes?

Become Muslim, or Jewish, or *gasp* Episcopalian. ?

[libgirl2]

51 minutes ago, JDuggs said:

I think abandoning the whole courtship model would be a pretty big step too.

Posters often comment how strange it much be to go from holding hands to sex in one day. Maybe it was difficult for them and now in retrospect, it made their marriage harder.

Especially since Derick really wasn't a super fundie to begin with. He went to college, I'm sure he dated and kissed girls. 

Just now, Bad Wolf said:

Become Muslim, or Jewish, or *gasp* Episcopalian. ?

No Catholic. 

[Not that josh's mom]

3 minutes ago, Satan'sFortress said:

I just finished reading Tara Westover's memoir, Educated. It makes me feel like I have a little better understanding of how hard it must be to move away from these fundamentalist families. I feel very bad for Jill if she really does lose her family over these changes she's making. 

Which makes me question, what do y'all think is the worst thing Jill could do in the Duggar's eyes?

An abortion?

[Snarkasarus Rex]

For Boob, the worst thing she could do was demand to be paid. It threatened his empire and that’s unforgivable. 

[Kayleigh83]

2 hours ago, JDuggs said:

Ooh, that will be a good topic for the next q and a. Do they still think waiting to kiss until marriage is important or will they be okay with their kids making a different choice? Do they wish they would have had more physical contact before marriage?

She did mention in the Q&A that she thought sex before marriage is a sin, although it’s possible her feelings about other types of affection before marriage have changed. She didn’t really address that. But it would be interesting to know, considering in her own court shit hugging was a huge deal. (The typo was voice to text’s mistake but it stays because.... seriously it’s perfect).

I have to say I’m really encouraged by their progress. Have they become as inclusive and accepting of lifestyles not their own as I wish? No. But they have come a looooong way and I think have potential to go a lot farther.

I have been following a podcaster/author/content creator for several years named Mike McHargue - he used to be about as right wing Evangelical Christian as they come, then lost his faith and became an atheist, then rediscovered a more open and progressive kind of faith. He’s about the most lefty person you can imagine politically and socially these days, so it does happen.

Other wonderful resources for things like this are podcasts like The Liturgists, The Bible For Normal People, etc etc (too many to list). People do come from extremely conservative religious backgrounds and move much farther left than you would imagine. And it happens a lot more than you would think, and I think these days it’s happening more often too. So I have hope.

 

[Dominionatrix]

This is all encouraging and even exciting, but I sincerely hope it was genuinely Jill’s desire to make this public. They acknowledge leaning on YouTube for income, and putting out such info was sure to get them lots of views, which increases their pay.  I hope Jill is speaking willingly and not out of pressure from Derick over the money they could make by telling all on their monetized YouTube channel.