Lori Alexander 18: Taking Pictures in the Closet

[Red Jumper]

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"We've been married over 30 years and we've never had a "Date Night". I never heard the term until just a few years ago"

Concerning the i am taking a really wild guess here, so just let me know if I am plain crazy:

It is about the word/phrase "date night". I didn't read it until let's say 10years ago. True, I'm not in an English speaking country, so it was the internet that had to carry it to me. But I image if you live in a conservative world (within the English speaking world) it takes longer for such new wording to get to your ears.

They might have done all their live, but they never gave it a label. They just sat with their husband on their porch blissfully rocking away or they hold on their mug in front of the fireplace while enjoying the chatter. They might have gone to the theatre or eating out. They just did not call it a date night.

That is at least how it works in my world. We don't have a name for these activities as a group. They are just what couples like to do.

[smittykins]

The term "date night" is fairly recent, but the concept has been around forever.

[kpmom]

Hell, even the Maxwell married sons have date nights with their wives.  And Steve and Teri go away for a weekend sometimes.

Is Lori more Christian than the Maxwells??

 

[BlackSheep]

8 hours ago, Koala said:

Well, I am sure Jesus is relieved.  Just imagine the heavenly hand wringing if God thought that married couples were making a point of enjoying each other's company.

...
Cheap/free date nights:

- Backyard, chairs, stars, music.  That's one of our favorites, and it doesn't cost us a dime.  

...

There are sooooooo many wonderful "dates" these people could be enjoying with their spouses if they weren't too damned "godly" to do anything other than grit their teeth and "submit".   What a loss.  

@Koala... "heavenly hand wringing", that is brilliant. Indeed, what's wrong with spending quality time together and gasp - maybe having fun? God is the author of love. He wants us to love each other.

As for cheap dates, we sometimes sit on our deck and light a fire in our chimenea - which we got for free from friends who were upgrading their deck. They offered it to us before throwing it away. Mr. BlackSheep and I have had some wonderful evenings just sitting on the deck, burning old twigs that have fallen from our tree and dried out in the garage. We watch the stars come out, we talk, and at times we just sit silently together. We've had some of our best conversations like that. Totally free and thoroughly special.

Why must people make faith in God and love for each other so complicated? So hate-filled? So legalistic? It doesn't have to be that way.

[EowynW]

We love to go fishing. Or drive the country backroads with coffee. Or stargaze. Him with his telescope he built and me with my binoculars he bought me while we dating. 

[desertvixen]

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@usmcmom says:  I have just never figured out how either one of them thought marriage was a good idea. 

You and me both.  But now they're stuck with each other.  I might feel a little bad for Ken, but he made his bed and now he gets 10 minutes and lube.

[Joyce]

Lori:

Quote

I used to be such a manipulator.

"used to be" = "am"

[onemama]

38 minutes ago, BlackSheep said:

Why must people make faith in God and love for each other so complicated? So hate-filled? So legalistic? It doesn't have to be that way.

I agree. 

[polecat]

9 hours ago, Koala said:

-Lowes.  Yep, Lowes.  We like to go to Lowes once a year and make a "dream list" of all the things we want to do to our house.  Then we actually plan for those things and make them happen, but the best part is just walking around making the "dream list".

 

 

An inside joke at our house for YEARS was that our "date nights" consisted of Target runs. Why? Because with three kids so close in age, shopping trips were about the only way we could get off by ourselves for any period of time. And we made the best of it! So sure, maybe a trip to Target wasn't exactly stars and candlelight, but it was fun. And we still sometimes end a date with a trip to Target, lol. 

A Lowes date sounds pretty fun, too. We have been known to hit up gardening places before. He's not into it (other than the outdoor stuff), but I looooove dreaming of all the what-ifs.

 

[usmcmom]

25 minutes ago, polecat said:

An inside joke at our house for YEARS was that our "date nights" consisted of Target runs. Why? Because with three kids so close in age, shopping trips were about the only way we could get off by ourselves for any period of time. And we made the best of it! So sure, maybe a trip to Target wasn't exactly stars and candlelight, but it was fun. And we still sometimes end a date with a trip to Target, lol. 

A Lowes date sounds pretty fun, too. We have been known to hit up gardening places before. He's not into it (other than the outdoor stuff), but I looooove dreaming of all the what-ifs.

 

We did not have Target when our kids were little but we often had date night at the grocery store. We had to buy groceries anyway and it was actually very nice to do it together and without the kids. We'd often end the evening with a simple hamburger or even just an ice cream cone. 

This was during the same time that we were in a babysitting co-op at our church. It was called Parents Night Out. Once a month two couple watched all the kids while everyone else got four hours out. Sometimes we'd do things with other couples, but we all usually took the time to be alone with our spouse. The kids absolutely LOVED it because it was four hours of free play and movies in a big empty space at the church -or even riding bikes in the back parking lot.  Another fun part was meeting up at pick-up time and talking to everyone else about what they'd done. Many times, couples would say "grocery store," or "we just went home *wink wink*".  

There were enough of us involved that we were only on duty about every six months, but even then we had another couple to visit with while we managed the kids. 

Can you imagine?!? Church leaders actually signed off on this heathen activity AND did not even expect us to teach a Bible story during that time. 

We LOVE Lowe's too.  So many ideas screaming to get into my cart. *sigh* 

[Chocolatedefrauded]

Nah, Target shopping is my "me time." Walking the dog is a date. Or doing community work my kid is not interested in is a date. I joke that in the winter, shoveling snow together late at night is a date- it's quiet, we're alone & we can talk. Plus exercise as a bonus.

[Fascinated]

Perfectly put (as usual!), @Koala.  Lori and her fan girls are the main reason I have to take breaks from FJ. I am astonished and perplexed and disheartened when I read there. And flummoxed. And sad and angry. 

You know what is tragic?  FB video, that's what. Because I read Lori and Jill R and Nicole et al in their voices, with their inflections. I read Lori and I can see her little headshakes and the stupid window reflections in her glasses. It's awful.

[usmcmom]

Our minister's wife hosted a bridal shower for my daughter two years ago. All of the guests were members of our church. The first thing we were asked to do? Write a "simple date night idea" on a big popsicle stick. The hostess put them in a pretty jar and gave them to my daughter after the shower.  

Once again, we have a group of Christians advocating for the evil and ever destructive date night!!  I tell you; society is crumbling, people!!  

 

[EowynW]

1 hour ago, polecat said:

An inside joke at our house for YEARS was that our "date nights" consisted of Target runs. Why? Because with three kids so close in age, shopping trips were about the only way we could get off by ourselves for any period of time. And we made the best of it! So sure, maybe a trip to Target wasn't exactly stars and candlelight, but it was fun. And we still sometimes end a date with a trip to Target, lol. 

A Lowes date sounds pretty fun, too. We have been known to hit up gardening places before. He's not into it (other than the outdoor stuff), but I looooove dreaming of all the what-ifs.

 

Lowes, HD, nurseries, hardware and feed/garden stores are definitely some of our favorite date night places. We lovvvveeeeee outdoor stuff and gardening and we are longing for the day we can finally buy our own place out in the country again. 

[louisa05]

We're doing better now and can budget a meal out once a week, but for awhile when we were living on next to nothing---he was making $12 an hour and I was bringing home about $300 a month (in 2010-11)--date night was pretty cheap. 

Our main one: a trip to Sam's Club. Dinner was their cheap hotdogs and ice cream and then we did our shopping. 

We still don't go to expensive places. And our weekly dinner out is usually combined with errand running in the city as there are a ton of things we can't get in our little town. In warm months, we often go to a state park to hike for the afternoon followed by a fast food dinner and errands. 

Lori and company seem to be envisioning what we (and the couples we know) do for anniversaries, birthdays and other special events as the only acceptable "date night"--then it is a nicer restaurant, sometimes a concert or show, etc... Go figure. She has extremely expensive tastes. 

[HoneyBunny]

59 minutes ago, Chocolatedefrauded said:

I joke that in the winter, shoveling snow together late at night is a date- it's quiet, we're alone & we can talk. Plus exercise as a bonus.

Late night snow shoveling...it's beautiful, it's quiet, you feel like you're the only ones in the world. It's romantic as hell, plus you accomplish something. Some of our very best together times are when we accomplish something that we'd have trouble doing alone (and realizing it wouldn't be nearly as much fun to do it alone). For us, accomplishment is a huge aphrodisiac. Something tells me that, aside from creating and beating those four kids into compliance, LorKen have never accomplished anything together. 

[Red Jumper]

6 minutes ago, HoneyBunny said:

Something tells me that, aside from creating and beating those four kids into compliance, LorKen have never accomplished anything together.

if you split every task in blue or pink, there is no together.

if pink is split into maid,nanny,..."it is easier to ask others" and rest there is nothing left

the only thing together is 5 minutes (not a good time to talk)

[Bad Wolf]

I don't have a problem with 10 minutes if you're both satisfied, but I see Lori with a kitchen timer. DING, times up, Kenny.

Back in the dark ages, we didn't call it date night, we called it going out without the kids.

[polecat]

2 hours ago, Chocolatedefrauded said:

I joke that in the winter, shoveling snow together late at night is a date- it's quiet, we're alone & we can talk. Plus exercise as a bonus.

Ah, and raking leaves! We have about eight full grown silver maples in our yard, and in the fall, the leaves are terrible. Raking takes several days, and it's a big job but an enjoyable one when tackled together. I really have to wonder if Lori has *ever* had actual, honest-to-goodness fun with Ken?

[BlackSheep]

4 minutes ago, polecat said:

Ah, and raking leaves! We have about eight full grown silver maples in our yard, and in the fall, the leaves are terrible. Raking takes several days, and it's a big job but an enjoyable one when tackled together. I really have to wonder if Lori has *ever* had actual, honest-to-goodness fun with Ken?

Yes, I wonder too. I've seen no evidence so far. The Maxwells manage to have fun. If they can, anyone can.

[Emilycharlotte]

Regarding date nights, ths isn't the first time Lori has misrepresented a word or phrase in order to create a non-existent issue to lecture people about.  (I was foolish enough once to try to explain to her that a "boundary" was not what she thought it was.)

Several readers have pointed out the obvious---like, no one is actually saying  date nights can magically save bad marriages, and you don't have to spend money to spend time with your spouse--but assimilating that info would ruin her whole silly premise, so never mind.

Usmcmom--I agreed with every word of your post.  My guess is that Lori managed to dazzle Ken into marriage, and then revealed her true colors when she threw a fit and gave him the silent treatment on their honeymoon.  After years of walking on eggshells, I think he is just glad to have some peace. 

To be clear, I am not a Ken apologist. There was even a time when I thought he might be worse than Lori, but not anymore. Basically, my take is that Ken has flaws that are fairly "normal", and he could have had a decent marriage with someone who gave him love and support while also dealing in a mature, healthy way with his crap. Lori is emotionally abusive and would be emotionally abusive no matter who she married.

 

[louisa05]

7 minutes ago, polecat said:

Ah, and raking leaves! We have about eight full grown silver maples in our yard, and in the fall, the leaves are terrible. Raking takes several days, and it's a big job but an enjoyable one when tackled together. I really have to wonder if Lori has *ever* had actual, honest-to-goodness fun with Ken?

My parents' house has a ton of trees and mountains of leaves. My mother has mentioned more than once since dad got sick and then died that she misses the times they had doing leaves in the fall. They did it together for days and days every fall and then went out to eat or ordered a pizza and it is something she remembers as a very happy time together. I suppose that Lori couldn't do that, though. Leaves would be a blue job. 

 

[feministxtian]

Date night at our house...could be anything from watching stupid sy-fy at home to going to the strip and people watching (free parking, free sitting), Barnes & Noble and Starbucks, We ENJOY being together!!! 

[EowynW]

This year my husband got over eager and forgot we are renting in the city instead of the typical country gardening and started 324 tomato seeds. We got a lot of date night time in just transplanting those babies. 

[Emilycharlotte]

5 hours ago, kpmom said:

Hell, even the Maxwell married sons have date nights with their wives.  And Steve and Teri go away for a weekend sometimes.

 

I don't say this lightly, but I would rather hang out with the Maxwells than with Lori. They have a cute dog, you're allowed to play with the children, I could get into a family work day, and I trust them to properly disinfect their kitchen counters. Also, they all appear to actually like each other!