Lori Alexander 18: Taking Pictures in the Closet

[TeddyBonkers]

22 minutes ago, polecat said:

 I really have to wonder if Lori has *ever* had actual, honest-to-goodness fun with Ken?

Fun involves those evil FEELINGS so the answer is NO.

[Loveday]

2 minutes ago, Emilycharlotte said:

I don't say this lightly, but I would rather hang out with the Maxwells than with Lori. They have a cute dog, you're allowed to play with the children, I could get into a family work day, and I trust them to properly disinfect their kitchen counters. Also, they all appear to actually like each other!

 

I think I'd rather hang out with the Maxwells, too. No raw chicken-juice stained Norwex in their house!   And the children and Ellie are adorable. 

[louisa05]

So today, Lori takes apart an article about how women should not defer to men in everything and tells us we should. 

I am always struck by the lack of balance in her views on these things. The original article says women should not change their appearance to please a man. Lori goes on about how women should do everything they can to be attractive to their husbands including dressing how he likes and wearing their hair how he likes. She says Ken doesn't like her skirts longer than just above the knee so that's how she wears them all. He doesn't like her hair put up, so she never does. 

Here's the thing, it doesn't have to be so black and white. Mr. 05 likes a mini skirt. I have nice legs, so I own a few. I wear them for the evil date nights sometimes. BUT I have skirts of many other lengths. Mr. 05 also knows that I can't go to work in a mini skirt, that I am not comfortable in one in church or at many other more formal events so I have other hem lengths in the closet, too. Mr. 05 also doesn't like my hair up that much. BUT he knows that hair hanging on my neck in summer is hot and I hate it. So up it goes and he would not dream of complaining. He likes it long. I did grow it out because he likes it. But I also figured out that it is (believe it or not) easier to manage when it is longer. Gravity seems to be a friend to my fine hair and I can brush it and go, whereas when it was shorter, it would have kinks and need wet and then blow dried to look decent. As a sub, it is easier to be able to brush it and go. So I have kept it longer because it is easier for me. BUT I have learned there is a magic length it hits that is too long for me to deal with. It recently got there. When school is out and I have time, I am getting about four inches cut off. This has been an every other year event since I grew it out. It will be a little shorter than Mr. 05 likes when this is done. Will he complain? Absolutely not. Because he understands this key fact: it is my hair on my head and I have to deal with it. 

So basically, here's the thing, there is a gray area that Lori can't seem to comprehend. Spouses can do things to please each other in these areas without being unreasonable or dictatorial. There still has to be an acknowledgement of the other person's autonomy, of the fact that they are wearing the clothes, they are dealing with the hairstyle, etc... Being so black and white about it is unfair and unreasonable and unloving. 

And when it comes to controlling bigger choices...that is not loving either. Love wants the best for the other person. My nephew is currently trying to undermine his girlfriend's future in grad school because he is afraid of them being apart. I want so badly to tell both of them that that is not love. That is being a selfish ass. 

 

[feministxtian]

Da fuq? I will ask Mr. Xtian his opinion on some things when it comes to appearance, and will defer to him at times. I've gained weight so I'm more comfortable in the "hideous Duggar maxi-skirts" than in pants these days. He's said he likes them because it's more "feminine". But, the first time he laid eyes on me I was wearing a work shirt, blue jeans and steel toed boots...heck, he even managed to figure out I was a girl wearing that outfit! It does drive him crazy that I basically hate shoes...but...that's his problem, not mine. I wear sandals or flipflops 9 months a year. He likes my hair long, but that's cool, because I do too...so there's not a point of contention there. 

But...I am who I am and in general, hubs can like it or lump it...he likes it. 

[Maggie Mae]

I grew my hair out recently - it takes about a year from being too short to pony tail to being mid back. The SO likes it either way. He was complementing me on my hair when it was long, but he also thought it was cute short. I don't think I'm a model so it probably looks terrible regardless, but he seems to like it. EITHER WAY. And he once told me he doesn't care what I wear, but there were a few outfits he wouldn't mind not seeing again. :/  

It's so weird how invested some men are in how women look. I remember back in my dating days when some of them wouldn't hesitate to tell me to do x, y, and z. One guy was super annoyed about the fact that I didn't take the stupid sticker off of my credit card! I mean, of all the uptight shit that doesn't affect you - making a big deal about something so dumb. Ugh. I'm so glad I found my SO. I do not miss the days of random douches and neckbeards thinking that they could educate me - and when they find out I'm actually smart, they get weirded out. 

[louisa05]

Da fuq? I will ask Mr. Xtian his opinion on some things when it comes to appearance, and will defer to him at times. I've gained weight so I'm more comfortable in the "hideous Duggar maxi-skirts" than in pants these days. He's said he likes them because it's more "feminine". But, the first time he laid eyes on me I was wearing a work shirt, blue jeans and steel toed boots...heck, he even managed to figure out I was a girl wearing that outfit! It does drive him crazy that I basically hate shoes...but...that's his problem, not mine. I wear sandals or flipflops 9 months a year. He likes my hair long, but that's cool, because I do too...so there's not a point of contention there. 
But...I am who I am and in general, hubs can like it or lump it...he likes it. 

Mr. 05 is annoyed by me going barefoot outside. I let him be annoyed. My mother gave up trying to make me keep shoes on in summer by the time I was four.

And I prefer sandals or flip flops for about six mths a year. I literally own no "in between" shoes besides sneakers. It's boots or sandals.

[feministxtian]

1 minute ago, louisa05 said:

And I prefer sandals or flip flops for about six mths a year. I literally own no "in between" shoes besides sneakers. It's boots or sandals.

If we're going somewhere nice, I will bust out the nice shoes...but my favorites are an ugly ass pair of OP flip flops. Shoes are my addiction though (along with books). He indulges me...and rarely bitches about it. 

[Maggie Mae]

1 minute ago, louisa05 said:

 

Mr. 05 is annoyed by me going barefoot outside. I let him be annoyed. My mother gave up trying to make me keep shoes on in summer by the time I was four.

My chiropractor and my SO are both offended by my lack of shoes and slippers in my house. According to the SO, having one cat tracking in dirt is more than enough, I shouldn't help him in his quest to bring the outside in. Whatever. I'm not going to track down shoes to walk 30 ft to take the trash out. 

1 minute ago, louisa05 said:

And I prefer sandals or flip flops for about six mths a year. I literally own no "in between" shoes besides sneakers. It's boots or sandals.

 

I've got running shoes  (for running), dress shoes (ballet flats) for work, boots (for September through April) and then flip flops. I'd wear the flip flops and sandals to work, but my boss has said no open toed shoes. "It's unprofessional." (My attempts at saying that "Professional" just means "gets paid" were unsuccessful. As were my attempts to point out that Michael Phelps is a professional and he doesn't have to wear shoes to work.) 

1 minute ago, feministxtian said:

If we're going somewhere nice, I will bust out the nice shoes...but my favorites are an ugly ass pair of OP flip flops. Shoes are my addiction though (along with books). He indulges me...and rarely bitches about it. 

My favorite flip flops are a pair that a roommate left behind. in 2007. They are black and i guess "athletic" styled? I think they are tevas but not the kind with velcro. 

[TeddyBonkers]

I wear high heels. There's a certain pair that Mr. Bonkers is not a fan of, but it's not like he's wearing them!

[louisa05]

I wear high heels. There's a certain pair that Mr. Bonkers is not a fan of, but it's not like he's wearing them!

I have plenty of heels. They are mostly sandals. Lots of wedges, too.

Mr 05 is insane about no shoes in the house which makes me crazy. I'm not going to put on boots at the door then take them off again if I need to go get something I forgot. He will actually do that. He is that strict about it. The whole family is. Idiot sister-in-law would have parties in winter with the heat not turned up warm enough and tell guests to bring slippers because no shoes allowed.

[Sobeknofret]

2 hours ago, louisa05 said:

Our main one: a trip to Sam's. Club. Dinner was their cheap hotdogs and ice cream and then we did our shopping.

This is how we celebrate our anniversary every year! We were so broke on our first anniversary, we went to Costco and had polish sausage sandwiches with sauerkraut and a soda for $1.50. So we kept on doing it. For our 15th anniversary we went to an expensive steakhouse, and while the food was good, we both agreed it didn't feel like our anniversary, and went and ate at Costco the next day.

[usmcmom]

USMCDAD used to take our kids to Sam's Club on Saturdays and fill them up on the samples and call it lunch. They loved it and I was thrilled he was running an errand without me, giving me some evil me-time. 

I used to put the kids to bed early and hubby would bring home a pizza or burgers and we'd eat a late supper in front of the tv. Those were fun date nights. One night, I looked up and saw our son (about three years old) peeking around the corner watching us eat pizza. I said "Come sit by mommy and have a piece."  Lori would have beat her kid for sinning, but our son was giddy at getting to join the grown ups when he should have been in bed. 

Bookstores are also a favorite date night for us. We have to drive an hour to get to Barnes and Noble but the drive is just more time to talk. 

[Fascinated]

My brand new boyfriend mentioned that he thought girls looked nice with their hair up. That night he picked me up and I very nervously got in the car. He looked at me with his dark brown eyes and his mouth crinkled into a bit of a smile. So, embarrrassed, I said: 'I didn't put my hair up (for the first time ever) for you, you know'.  He said he knew. 

The next time I put it up was at our wedding. Because sometimes we like to let someone know that we remember stuff, and we want to show them that their thoughts and feelings matter to us.  Not rocket science, amiright?

[feministxtian]

Mr. Xtian likes the hair down...thing is, when it's HOT here in the desert, there's no way the hair will be down. It gets screwed into a goofy topknot thing...much cooler. So, when it's down, he gets ALL excited!

[usmcmom]

My husband is a rare one who likes short hair (on me, anyway.). One time he left for an eight-day business trip. Since it was in Pakistan (!!ELEVENTY!!) I was a nervous wreck. I had a crazy moment and got my shoulder length hair cut into a pixie. He came home and LOVED IT!!  I have grown it out a few times but he prefers it short, he says, because he can more easily kiss my neck. Sorry for the TMI. I have really thin hair so it is better kept short, anyway. 

[Exposed Collarbone]

I think if everyone just starts referring to it as a courting night instead of date night everything will be fine. 

[EowynW]

I shocked a lot of people by both doing my own hair and leaving my curly hair down for my wedding. While I prefer it up, it did fit the style of my dress and veil having it down, and Mr. EW is so Gaga over my blonde curls. Then for the reception I took my veil off, bustled my dress and put my hair up and had the best of both. 

 

 He had mentioned a few weeks before the wedding how how he never liked it when girls made themselves up to look like totally different people before their wedding. He married country girl me knowing I wasn't big on makeup and fancyness and  think he was afraid I'd look radically different for the wedding. So I kept it looking like myself, just myself getting married, despite the shock of all my girlfriends. Mr. EW cried the whole time I walked down the aisle and ended up forgetting what he  supposed to do and excitedly leaving the stage to try to meet me halfway down!  

Still reading Harry Potter and this line made me think of Lori. 

 

"House elves has no right to be unhappy when there is work to be done and masters to be served." 

[feministxtian]

2 minutes ago, EowynW said:

Mr. EW cried the whole time I walked down the aisle and ended up forgetting what he  supposed to do and excitedly leaving the stage to try to meet me halfway down!  

awww...what a guy!!! And, such a great memory. I barely remember ours...other than he was VERY pale and started rocking back and forth. 

[EowynW]

2 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

awww...what a guy!!! And, such a great memory. I barely remember ours...other than he was VERY pale and started rocking back and forth. 

Awww. He sounded like he was nervous.

 

Mr. EW was so nervous that he almost fell on me during the kiss. He was leaning way too far and had forgotten to step closer. Thankfully we were bad fundies who had practiced our kissing for several months before hand and so it wasn't a huge deal for the stage kiss to go less than smooth.  We have been friends since childhood, over 20 years so it's all funny and sweet to us. 

[feministxtian]

Just now, EowynW said:

He sounded like he was nervous.

I think he was. So was I. Up until he proposed, I swore I'd never get married again. But, he did the whole down on one knee thing and well...yeah...that I remember. We were at my mom's and I was talking to my mom and he's sitting at the table with his head down. I looked at him and asked him what his problem was (such a bitch I was)...then he got up, got in front of me and down on one knee...

[Emilycharlotte]

2 hours ago, louisa05 said:

So basically, here's the thing, there is a gray area that Lori can't seem to comprehend. Spouses can do things to please each other in these areas without being unreasonable or dictatorial. There still has to be an acknowledgement of the other person's autonomy, of the fact that they are wearing the clothes, they are dealing with the hairstyle, etc... Being so black and white about it is unfair and unreasonable and unloving. 

I think you have hit the nail on the head. Lori can't comprehend the gray area.  She isn't capable of  doing nice things just because, or reaching a compromise without resentment, or disagreeing without fighting. If she falls off the doormat wagon, she defaults straight to bitch-on-wheels mode; that's why she needs so many rules for navigating her marriage. I feel bad sometimes for snarking on her, but the advice she gives to women is  so hurtful that I snap out of it pretty quickly.

[FundiesInParis]

My fiancé doesn't like my hair as much when it's long, but he also doesn't understand that my hair is a hell force and can only be tamed with gravity and its sheer weight. He also likes it when I dress "risqué", which I'm not terribly comfortable with, so I usually don't. 

But, it cuts both ways, I think his Clarks are some of the dorkiest looking things going, but dress shoes hurt his feet, so I don't give him too hard a time about it. And I think he dresses like a dad 90% of the time, despite being in his mid-twenties, but it's what he likes, so again, I don't really care.

We ask each other for advice, but we're still largely going to do what we're both comfortable with. And that's what a healthy relationship should be, shame Lori will never understand that.  

Edit: it's finals week and I'm genuinely incapable of proper spelling and grammar at this point.

[AuntKrazy]

What is so odd to me in all of this:  Mr. Krazy loves me and I love him.  This means that our relationship is not a "give to get" bartering one.  Want to know what he likes me to wear most?  It's a genuine smile.  In fact, nearly every day he will tell me that I look nice - and when we first got married I tried to figure out what and why as I couldn't figure out if it was jeans and t-shirts, business attire with heels, or what.  And then I got it:  it's when I'm getting ready and humming and smiling and happy.  

I  think that Lori just does not understand love outside of a "give to get" paradigm.

[BlackSheep]

4 hours ago, feministxtian said:

But...I am who I am and in general, hubs can like it or lump it...he likes it. 

Same here. 

I have 9 ear piercings. Some from my single days and some after marriage. When I decided that I wanted a nose piercing (a small stone on the side), I mentioned it to Mr. BlackSheep. Would he hate the idea? His opinion matters to me. We often consult each other before making personal decisions, and we discuss ideas about all sorts of things.

His response: "It's your face. Do whatever you want!" He did not care at all, and he likes how it looks.

[desertvixen]

Quote

@feministxtian says:  It does drive him crazy that I basically hate shoes...but...that's his problem, not mine. I wear sandals or flipflops 9 months a year.

If I was living in Vegas, I'd be in my flip-flops or other sandals 9 months a year as well!  (And men just do not get it - my partner is all "what if you need to run?" Then I'll run in my flip-flops (nice adidas ones with a little cushion) or in my bare feet!