Lori Alexander 18: Taking Pictures in the Closet

[Fascinated]

A commenter:

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Yes, absolutely! I look back at the generations before me when "date night" was not a thing. They managed just fine and there was way less divorce!

Seriously??  Reading Lori's page is stupefying. I am left speechless and ragey. Are women really having a serious and godly discussion about 'date night'?  Oh my god. It's as if husbands and wives never before spent time alone together.  

So what does Lori god think about this important topic?

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It's NOT the key to a strong marriage as many marriage "experts" would have us believe. The Bible says nothing about having date nights but it does have a lot to say about wives being help meets, submissive, loving, and pleasing their husbands.

God apparently fails to weigh in on it. But those experts who suggest it is a healthy practice are flat out wrong, of course. But, anyway, just submit, mkay?

There are too many wives buying into this bullshit.  It makes me want to vomit. Honestly. 

[Chocolatedefrauded]

She's ridiculous. Parents have always wanted time together. Even just going to an adult party without the kids. Sometimes babies were out to sleep in the spare room, on a pile of coats. Nothing new, they just didn't call it date night.

Some of it was pretty racy. Hasn't she heard of some of the wild parties couples held in the 60s & 70s? Key party, perhaps? But no, she still thinks the good old days were innocent & happy.

[feministxtian]

This woman has completely missed the point of marriage...what about the husband "sacrificing" for the wife. Since my car accident, hubby has not let me drive. Why? Well, I'm pretty beat up and sore and he's concerned that my reaction times may be a little slow...and, since being sideswiped, I tend to react badly to any car changing lanes near me. So...in the interest of taking care of his wife, hubby drives me everywhere, lugs my heavy-ass backpack to school for me (I'm the teacher and carry a laptop, text books, etc in it)...goes to ALL my PT appointments. He could just say "tough shit, your car runs, deal with it". Instead, he won't let me drive my car (the passenger's side mirror got sheared off in the crash and he says it's not safe), and drives me everywhere. THAT IS LOVE. That is the exact love that men are called to for their wives in the bible...self-sacrificing love. Not that demanding bullshit that Lori claims is so fkn biblical. I DO feel bad that hubby is driving me all over town...but happy that he cares enough. 

[EowynW]

Right? I sprained me knee during the tornadoes Saturday. Mr. EW finally insisted I go to the dr and drove me there after work, never complaining when it took hours. I'm now couch/bed bound and that man is doing everything for me, even after working his exhausting day job. He's taking care of the dogs, doing laundry, cooking dinner, washing dishes, caring for me, helping me hobble around, etc. I feel guilty i  keep causing him so much work and have apologized (carryover from fundie days) and he says no no no this is what married people do. I'm so amazed by him. 

[Koala]

Oh, the irony.  Tiny Tim (a man) says:

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How timely. My wife and I were just talking about this just last night. She had gone to lunch with a friend and this subject came up. Both women agreed that the Bible is very clear no matter how people try to slice and dice it – women are not to teach men.

This is a subject that both my wife and I had discussed in college together and with friends and have been consistent on for over 30 years. Even with female friends who feel they had been called to the ministry. The Bible is very clear and no matter how many different translations you get, KJV, NKJV, ESV, etc. you will always come to the same conclusion – woman are not to teach men...

Ummm, Tim?  Not to point out the obvious, but the teacher you are learning from IS A WOMAN!!  Not a nice one, but a woman nonetheless.

Lord, it's like they can't even keep up with their own crazy.

[BlackSheep]

@feministxtian and @EowynW, you have wonderful husbands. 

[FundieCentral]

That's because humility is Lori's strong suit. 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

4 minutes ago, BlackSheep said:

@feministxtian and @EowynW, you have wonderful husbands. 

Yes, so true.  If only Lori and the fangirls would open their minds and their hearts to see the kind of marriages they could have  

Except ... maybe they couldn't.  Lori has a black and shriveled heart, if she has one at all, and she and the fangirls have minds warped and shut tight by the ridiculous non-Biblical nonsense they believe.

Marriage doesn't have to be a constant struggle, a pit of despair, unrelenting days of bleakness. years of unending unappreciated self sacrifice and doormat-ery  It doesn't have to be so damned hard every minute of every day.

Because if that is what marriage is in the world in which Lori and the fangirls live, then no wonder they all say they have to struggle all the time to be a godly submissive wife.

If I had to live like that I'd struggle too and have an endless supply of valium and vodka

 

[Fascinated]

5 minutes ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

Yes, so true.  If only Lori and the fangirls would open their minds and their hearts to see the kind of marriages they could have  

Or close their bibles. And just live their fucking lives. 

[louisa05]

35 minutes ago, Fascinated said:

Or close their bibles. And just live their fucking lives. 

Amen. 

The biggest takeaway I have from my years at crazy Christian school surrounded by people obsessed with being super spiritual and super biblical at all times is that they need to put the damn Bible down and trust their conscience and live their lives. 

When every single thing is a huge spiritual issue, life becomes really hard and really miserable and really full of guilt and doubt. When you have to justify every choice you make with spiritual/biblical reasons and you have to have a biblical blueprint for every relationship, life is nothing but a struggle. 

The Catholic Church teaches that a person must develop a good conscience which will allow him/her to make proper moral decisions. If you have developed a good moral conscience, it will allow you to make good decisions--to love, to avoid evil, to do good without struggle. No need to struggle or search or wrap everything up in a Bible verse. No need to decide if your marriage is complementarian or egalitarian, you can just follow your conscience to treat each other with love and kindness and then be married. 

[polecat]

3 hours ago, Koala said:

A reader responded to today's sarcastic notebook doodle:

Lori's humble reply:

 

 

 

I suppose if you don't like your husband or if you're married to an ass like Ken, you might say "no way!" to being nice to him. But most women want to be kind to their husbands and treat them with love and care, in my experience. That's because we love them. 

Maybe it's because we tend "to see the world through our own tiny keyhole." Lori's solipsism has her seeing everyone else as mean and hateful as she is. She cannot comprehend of a world in which people actually enjoy their partners. They have to be strong-armed and coerced into faking acts of kindness.

[FundieCentral]

Totally. 

The thing is, even "submission" in the biblical meaning is not about power and control. You usually submit someone automatically when you respect them. When my boyfriend and I have disagreements, we submit to each other when we say "I disagree with you, but I value your opinion enough to believe you and act accordingly." It's putting the other person's needs before your own. It doesn't even have to be difficult. Because when we disagree about where to go for a weekend trip for example, and I say a and he says b, i just need to swallow my pride a little and say "let's do b" because in the end; I enjoy him when he's having fun, and I have fun as a consequence. He does the same. Works out great for us.  

[louisa05]

1 minute ago, FundieCentral said:

Totally. 

The thing is, even "submission" in the biblical meaning is not about power and control. You usually submit someone automatically when you respect them. When my boyfriend and I have disagreements, we submit to each other when we say "I disagree with you, but I value your opinion enough to believe you and act accordingly." It's putting the other person's needs before your own. It doesn't even have to be difficult. Because when we disagree about where to go for a weekend trip for example, and I say a and he says b, i just need to swallow my pride a little and say "let's do b" because in the end; I enjoy him when he's having fun, and I have fun as a consequence. He does the same. Works out great for us.  

Hold on, though....are couples allowed to go away for the weekend? Isn't that just an extended date night? And date night  is evil and unbiblical. Lori told us so. And there are not weekend getaways in the Bible. Wouldn't we all be better off staying home and submitting? 

And when I'm not being sarcastic: Lori just can't seem to comprehend that some couples are nice to each other  not because the Bible ordered them to be but because they like doing things for each other and they like being together. Why anyone takes marital advice from this woman is beyond me. 

[Bad Wolf]

I'm not nice to Mr. Wolf to be submissive, and vice versa.  We're nice to each because we think that's what marriage is about. Come to think of it we're nice to most people. I don't understand Lori.

[Fascinated]

How ridiculous it all is. We are now explaining to Lori why we are nice to our partners and why they are nice to us. How incredibly pathetic that is. Why on earth would we be married, or in a relationship, if we don't like each other enough to be nice (without requiring godly direction)?  Christ, these people must be so miserable. 

[BlackSheep]

There's another Transformed Wife blog...

http://www.transformedwife.com/

Skimmed it. No obvious Crazy and a lot more Love.

[FundieCentral]

I'm sure Lori would delete comments like the following on her own blog (this is taken from the alternative transformed wife blog): 

[Red Jumper]

@Koala if we redefine the words "teach" and "teacher" perhaps we could then get to the point of "Lori is not teaching men" and at the same time "Lori is teaching younger women" ... I just cannot think a way to redefine the words to make it work. Perhaps because I am not a prophet?This reminds me of the problem "it is a commandment for women" and "it is only a decision for men" from a couple of days ago.

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They have much more important things to do like scroll through Facebook

said the women that has a blog and post on Facebook.

[ChickenettiLuvr]

Oh, this stupid wench gets my blood pressure into stroke zone every.single.time.

I'm going to Door County, Wisconsin, for the first time this summer thanks to extended family. I remember that Lor-Idiot's family spends weeks in the area.

All bets are off if I stumble into her whilst there. Bail money may or may not be a given.

*searching for the FJ-Fund-Me feature* ... also for the Rufus Rosary necklace...

[AlwaysDiscerning]

This comment:

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I agree with this comment 1000% 
I say this all the time! it takes WAY more strength to be submissive and bite my tongue that it does to "go off"

I imagine it does take more strength to bottle it all up! I swear now its a strength contest with these women. We are better than loud women because it takes more strength to hold it all in!! 

[Chocolatedefrauded]

Louisa05, I agree 1,000 times. It should not be a contest to see who suffers the most. Life is difficult enough without bringing theological issues into everything. Make a decision on your own!

my bottom line with Lori is she is uneducated Bibically while pretending she is. Second, why does she care so much about others' marriages? Frankly it is none of her business. I guess she needs to have some reason to live & being hateful and judgmental is hers.

[feministxtian]

4 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

Marriage doesn't have to be a constant struggle, a pit of despair, unrelenting days of bleakness. years of unending unappreciated self sacrifice and doormat-ery  It doesn't have to be so damned hard every minute of every day.

There have been times when I wouldn't have given a plugged nickel for my marriage surviving. Yes, he was an utter dick. I may have been a screaming bitch in reaction to getting treated like shit though. 

HOWEVER...Mr. Xtian got his head out of his ass...dealt with his addiction issues, dealt with his anger issues and our marriage became awesome. But, if you think for one minute I was going to let him steamroll me with his bad behavior, think again. 

However, Lori is of the opinion that women should let their husbands behave like a bunch of big, hairy toddlers and not say one word to them about it...and somehow magically they'll pull their shit together and act like grown ups. What a stupid, stupid bitch!

 

Oh...btw...Mr. Xtian is currently doing the dishes...standing for too long KILLS me right now. 

[usmcmom]

I think most of Lori's followers are miserable in their marriages and they work hard to make it seem like the JUST LOOOOOOVE to submit; as many have pointed out. 

I'm not sure Lori is miserable, though. I think she's quite content to trade sex for a luxurious lifestyle. I don't think Lori is capable of loving another person. I say that with all seriousness. Since she does not know how to love, she finds it reasonable and desirable to do what she needs to do to get what is most important to her - financial security. They have made it quite clear their marriage is all about transactions. Ken seems content with that too. I think he loved Lori in the beginning but now has settled for her "submitting" to have peace in the house and get regular sex. 

I wonder if Ken secretly wishes Lori had not changed. That way he'd have had an excuse to leave as he'd threatened and find a wife who would truly love him back. 

Along that line, does anybody else wonder just HOW Ken fell in love with Lori?  From all accounts, she basically started picking fights with him from day one. What did he see in such a contentious woman?  Did he only see a chance to marry into a rich family so he put up with her nastiness from day one?  I have just never figured out how either one of them thought marriage was a good idea. 

[Imrlgoddess]

 WRT being nice to your spouse because you enjoy it... I think that concept is lost on them bc they think it's simply your Job to get married, so you look at it as a vocation not a joy. I told my mom & aunt once that I went to mass because I enjoyed it, my aunt looked at me & said it didn't matter if I enjoyed it, it was something I was supposed to do. They find an applicable mate, make children, and coexist. I don't think genuine love is an issue. A nice perk if it happens but not a necessity when you're doing God's will. Marriage arrangements take the guesswork and the emotion out of the equation. It's a win/win because strong emotions are evil too, right?  So... yeah "the good ole days"....aka the Middle Ages. Those women couldn't read or write, they had it made! 

ETA: I agree with you, @usmcmom. I think she enjoys her position in life. I don't think Ken fell in love with her though, I think he ran with it bc she was there & listened to his crap. Either that or she was a fun fire cracker that turned into a pushy type A bitch over the years.

 

[Koala]

Are these people serious?

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We've been married over 30 years and we've never had a "Date Night". I never heard the term until just a few years ago

Odd that in 30 years she's never been to dinner or a movie with her husband.  Never once have they gone and done something special or fun just for the sheer joy of being together.

Well, I am sure Jesus is relieved.  Just imagine the heavenly hand wringing if God thought that married couples were making a point of enjoying each other's company.

She probably didn't hear the term "date night" sooner, because it's not in the Bible.  The fact that she's heard it now is a sure sign that she's been "breathing the feminist air".  Let's hope that her godliness prevails, and they don't cave to the pressures of our evil society.  They might end up at a coffee shop together or something.  Can you imagine? 

*side note* What's with the ones who are whining about how expensive date nights are?  I am always amazed when I feel the need to give all of these "frugal" mamas advice.  

Cheap/free date nights:

- Backyard, chairs, stars, music.  That's one of our favorites, and it doesn't cost us a dime.  

-Sharing a pizza at the local pizza place.  They have live music some nights, and outdoor dining with little twinkle lights.  Best pizza in town, and the whole night is under $20.

-Movie night.  Order a movie on Demand, pop some popcorn, and you have a date for under $10.

-Lowes.  Yep, Lowes.  We like to go to Lowes once a year and make a "dream list" of all the things we want to do to our house.  Then we actually plan for those things and make them happen, but the best part is just walking around making the "dream list".

There are sooooooo many wonderful "dates" these people could be enjoying with their spouses if they weren't too damned "godly" to do anything other than grit their teeth and "submit".   What a loss.