Alyssa Bates and John Webster Engagement (now confirmed)

[RosyDaisy]

Hey, am I the only person who notices there are NO pics of Alyssa visiting the Websters on the Bates blog. There are plenty of Chad & Erin visiting each other on both family blogs. We have seen no interaction with his family. I'm sure they like her. She is a sweet young lady. But I'm still wondering how they really feel about her age. Does anyone know how old the other Webster women were when they married?

Maybe it has something to with John's father being a congressman.. Like a security thing?

[anjulibai]

It is pretty wild... Kelly keeps saying that there are no other courtships in the works, but this could easily keep going. I doubt there it will ever be as intense as it is right now, but they could easily continue to have a wedding a year for the foreseeable future. I'm not saying it's going to go like this, but this is just to give an idea of how it could happen (age in brackets would be their age in the specified year):

2014: Alyssa (19)

2015: Michael (25)

2016: Lawson (23/24)

2017: Nathan (23/24)

2018: Tori (22)

2019: Trace (21/22)

2020: Carlin (21/22)

2021: Josie (21/22)

2022: Katie (21/22)

2023: Jackson (21)

2024: Warden (20/21)

That's a decade of potentially one marriage per year, AND that's assuming none of them after Alyssa get married before the age of 20. There could easily be another year where there are two or three weddings.

You could very well be right. I don't think Michael will wait a whole year to get married, though. Her courtship might be longer, because they haven't had that "special friend" stage, but I don't think she's going to want to wait that long.

But I could easily see Lawson or Nathan getting married next year. I'm had predicted Nathan, but I'm thinking you are right that Lawson will be first. He's got money, a well established business, and a bit of musical talent - he could have his pick of fundie girls. With 4 siblings married and out of the house, there will also be less pressure on the family for money, so he (hopefully) won't be needed to supplement Gil's income.

We'll see, though. They Bateses have given quite a few surprises recently.

[marmalade]

Kelly confirmed that Michael DID have the "special friend" phase with Brandon, whom she's known almost 3 years. They just did it more on the sly than Alyssa and John. Nothing special in this; one sister is an introvert, the other an extrovert.

[anjulibai]

Interesting. Well, then I think it's even less likely they will wait that long. Maybe they'll get engaged a bit after Alyssa marries, and have a wedding in the summer. I'm guessing Michael's going to move to Michigan then. That's going to be a difficult transition - she's really involved with the youngest kids.

[Divemaster01]

I can't really say Alyssa is too young since my Mom was 18 1/2 when she married my Dad (he was 21). They knew each other all of 6 months before marrying. The are celebrating their 50th this year so who knows?

[Ellimenopy]

I can't really say Alyssa is too young since my Mom was 18 1/2 when she married my Dad (he was 21). They knew each other all of 6 months before marrying. The are celebrating their 50th this year so who knows?

Yeah, I'm not nearly as concerned about marrying young or even marrying fast as I am about lack of education. If you know what you want, and you want to get started living that life as soon as possible, then I don't think it's bad to get to married young. But if you've never been allowed to want what you want, and you don't have any other resources or skills if it doesn't work out... *that's* what's bad. Too young is bad, and too fast is only a little bad if you're older, but too ignorant of what you're getting into? That's what's going to *really* fuck you up.

[nokidsmom]

Yeah, I'm not nearly as concerned about marrying young or even marrying fast as I am about lack of education. If you know what you want, and you want to get started living that life as soon as possible, then I don't think it's bad to get to married young. But if you've never been allowed to want what you want, and you don't have any other resources or skills if it doesn't work out... *that's* what's bad. Too young is bad, and too fast is only a little bad if you're older, but too ignorant of what you're getting into? That's what's going to *really* fuck you up.

The lack of education / work experience is what bothers me most. I know plenty of folks got married young but they were able to still pursue getting an education at some point and thereby improve any prospects for themselves and /or their families. Also, a backup in case things go south. With these young fundie women, they are not going to be allowed to pursue such a thing so they are utterly dependent on marrying into a good situation. They won't have any way of knowing for sure until they are in. If they find themselves with an unhappy / abusive marriage, they are really stuck.

[silverspoons]

Is there a reason Gothard hasn't started his own college? I'm sure it would be a money maker for him. Is there any ATI approved college with married student housing?

As much as I roll my eyes at some of the young marriages in here in Utah, BYU and almost every other college/university in the state has excellent married student housing options. My kids have both had a teacher that got married before 20 and divorced by 22-23 but they were fine since they had full time teaching positions.

[formergothardite]

Is there a reason Gothard hasn't started his own college? I'm sure it would be a money maker for him. Is there any ATI approved college with married student housing?

As much as I roll my eyes at some of the young marriages in here in Utah, BYU and almost every other college/university in the state has excellent married student housing options. My kids have both had a teacher that got married before 20 and divorced by 22-23 but they were fine since they had full time teaching positions.

Well for years he was completely against all college but I guess he received a rhema saying that some education is okay. :roll: But this is what he offers now:

iblp.org/about-iblp/what-we-do/educational-programs

[singsingsing]

I'm kind of surprised Alyssa's not registered anywhere yet. I thought she jump on that as soon as the ring was on her finger.

[nausicaa]

I'm kind of surprised Alyssa's not registered anywhere yet. I thought she jump on that as soon as the ring was on her finger.

Me too. I realized I had reached a new low when I searched for them on The Knot earlier today. :embarrassed:

[singsingsing]

Um, I've been checking every day for weeks. Yeah, I'm unemployed right now. No shame. :lol:

[singsingsing]

Latest news: I'm still unemployed and Kelly is now saying that the wedding is 3 1/2 months away, so Alyssa's getting married in May.

[anjulibai]

And she got engaged last week.

Well, I guess that means she won't give birth this year. But I still say she'll be pregnant by the end of summer. I'm guessing Erin will be pregnant at her wedding, and now I'm thinking that Whitney will be, too.

[nausicaa]

And she got engaged last week.

Well, I guess that means she won't give birth this year. But I still say she'll be pregnant by the end of summer. I'm guessing Erin will be pregnant at her wedding, and now I'm thinking that Whitney will be, too.

Considering how common it must be to be pregnant at a formal event, and the limited funds of most of these families, do you think they have a few formal maternity dresses that just get passed around the community?

[Mela99]

I'm still an insanely jealous bride that none of them are paying for anything beyond dresses for themselves.

[Ellimenopy]

Considering how common it must be to be pregnant at a formal event, and the limited funds of most of these families, do you think they have a few formal maternity dresses that just get passed around the community?

That would be the polite thing to do, but none of them bother to dress up for weddings, pregnant or not, so formal maternity wedding clothes would be useless.

[lilith]

Well for years he was completely against all college but I guess he received a rhema saying that some education is okay. :roll: But this is what he offers now:

iblp.org/about-iblp/what-we-do/educational-programs

Too bad for all the ATI homeschoolers who graduated before God prompted that about turn who are now stuck in unskilled jobs without further education.

Off topic, but I wonder why Kelly was presented as Kelly-Jo on United Bates of America? I've never heard anyone refer to her that way outside the show, and she always signs herself as just Kelly.

[anjulibai]

I'm guessing that was a TLC decision. It made her sound more "country", I suppose. Apparently her mother goes by Becky Jo.

[Tangy Bee]

And she got engaged last week.

Well, I guess that means she won't give birth this year. But I still say she'll be pregnant by the end of summer. I'm guessing Erin will be pregnant at her wedding, and now I'm thinking that Whitney will be, too.

Well at least it will be warm in TN during May.

[nausicaa]

I'm still an insanely jealous bride that none of them are paying for anything beyond dresses for themselves.

Yeah, but they do pay for it--just in non-monetary ways. They seem to get very little say over how their own weddings go. Beggars can't be choosers regarding the food, flower, and cake donations, and the actual service seems to be run by the fathers. The days before seems so busy that tasks must be distributed, and so I'm guessing the second cousin chosen to set up your tables gets a lot more say in how they are decorated than you do. You don't even know how many people are coming, or who most of those people are!

Hell, it looks like you don't really get to pick when you get married since the man decides when to propose and you must not have too long of an engagement! (I always thought Whitney didn't really want a Christmas wedding since her original color choices were orange and purple, but suspect she was pressured by whomever to not wait until spring.) The only thing the brides really get any say over are their dresses, and even then the dresses must meet certain modesty requirements and they don't have the time to have the alterations done correctly or even shop around much.

Of course, I'm a total detail-oriented, introverted, perfectionist, control freak who wouldn't last two days in one of those big Quiverfull families.

(Edited because I'm a perfectionist control freak and found some riffles.)

[Mela99]

Fair enough. I can't imagine how much money people donate toward these people.... I can't even get my parents to cough up anything for a cake.

[Ralar]

Considering how common it must be to be pregnant at a formal event, and the limited funds of most of these families, do you think they have a few formal maternity dresses that just get passed around the community?

Nah. They won't pass them around because they'll need them again the following year.

[formergothardite]

Fair enough. I can't imagine how much money people donate toward these people.... I can't even get my parents to cough up anything for a cake.

Gil and Kelly have perfected the art of grifting. I am always curious what Gil says in his IBLP video about supporting a large family with no steady income. How does he spin "manipulate people into supporting you" to make it sound godly?

[veron1que]

Gil and Kelly have perfected the art of grifting. I am always curious what Gil says in his IBLP video about supporting a large family with no steady income. How does he spin "manipulate people into supporting you" to make it sound godly?

"Trust god and he will provide.""God works through people in mysterious ways"