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Alyssa Bates and John Webster Engagement (now confirmed)


xReems

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But at 19, you were not living with 18 siblings in a family so poor that needed donated food for your sister's wedding.

At 19, you could go out at nights, travel and even live out of home. Probably you didn't feel guilty if you had sex.

If you are poor, have no privacy, you can't travel or go to parties or you can't even be alone with your boyfriend... what could you do? I understand Alyssa. Marry a healthy man is the easier solution for changing her life.

I agree completely. What makes me sad is not just that Alyssa is marrying so young, but that her life is set up in such a way that she believes marriage is the ONLY option for improving herself and that her dreams for herself have been so limited.

I think I get Alyssa. In fact, after looking at her pinterest, I feel like I understand her better than any of the other Bates girls. I really respect her for wanting something better for herself. But I think formergothardite is right, she thinks marriage will be this fairy tale escape, and it won't. No marriage is. And I have never seen a marriage based on people trying to run away from something else (whether fundie or not) work out.

Again, I admit that this is all speculation on my part, and I don't know any of these people personally.

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Is this the same Webster family?

ati.iblp.org/ati/family/articles/family/successfulfather/

Because if it is, this is not going to be some nice little escape into a normal life. This is going to be marrying into an ATI family where she is going to need to uphold the ATI image of the perfect quiverfull wife.

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Well, he's the son of Congressman Daniel Webster of Florida, and his wife Sandra. He's the fifth of 6 children: David, Brent, Jordan, Elizabeth, John and Victoria. There are also apparently 7 grandchildren currently. Daniel Webster is highly involved with IBLP, and when he was in the Florida state legislature, he pushed homecoming related legislation in Florida. He's got a air conditioning and heating business, that John works for.

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Is this the same Webster family?

ati.iblp.org/ati/family/articles/family/successfulfather/

Because if it is, this is not going to be some nice little escape into a normal life. This is going to be marrying into an ATI family where she is going to need to uphold the ATI image of the perfect quiverfull wife.

Yup, that's them. They are way into ATI. I'm sure John's father is looking at Alyssa as the perfect Quiverfull wife - ATI royalty from an incredibly prolific mother.

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Well, he's the son of Congressman Daniel Webster of Florida, and his wife Sandra. He's the fifth of 6 children: David, Brent, Jordan, Elizabeth, John and Victoria. There are also apparently 7 grandchildren currently. Daniel Webster is highly involved with IBLP, and when he was in the Florida state legislature, he pushed homecoming related legislation in Florida. He's got a air conditioning and heating business, that John works for.

Thanks for the info.

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Is there any such thing as a better form of ATI? I mean the Webster family look nothing like the Duggar, Paines, or Bates. John's sister in law looks like a normal mainstream chic. Do you think his siblings are ok with him marrying a 19 year old. We have seen pics of Erin & Chad visiting each other through their courtship. Even Michael has a few recent pics. How come Alyssa has no pics visiting HIS family??

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Is there any such thing as a better form of ATI? I mean the Webster family look nothing like the Duggar, Paines, or Bates. John's sister in law looks like a normal mainstream chic. Do you think his siblings are ok with him marrying a 19 year old. We have seen pics of Erin & Chad visiting each other through their courtship. Even Michael has a few recent pics. How come Alyssa has no pics visiting HIS family??

Personally, I think there is. I attended a few fundie lite churches in my day, approx 15 years of non-Catholic church attending (raised Catholic), and even attended some fundie churches (one for a year, but was never a member.) I was never involved in or around an organization like ATI or VF but knew some folks that were involved in like organizations.

In general, church folks were all over the board with what they believed. We looked like an incredibly homogenous group when you took us as a whole. Dressed reasonably similar, used the same catch phrases and buzz words. But you never knew someone just by attending church, or even going to their home. You really had to get to KNOW someone to really know them. In my brand of fundie/fundie lite churches, dancing and drinking were strict no-nos, but I didn't subscribe to that. In fact, a friend's husband was in a band and I spent many a Friday night out at the bar and Sunday AM in church without feeling an ounce of guilt. I had read the Bible (3 times) and I didn't see it the same way they did. End of story. Lots of other young ladies were living the "normal" life and coming to church Sunday AM, Sunday PM, and Wednesday PM. I think I was the only single one in my age group *not* getting laid. On the flip side, people were way more conservative than they appeared too. No Halloween was the rule, but we had these Harvest parties where the kids dressed up as Bible characters. Well, that wasn't pious enough for one couple, who spend all of Halloween night in prayer for the lost souls who were trick or treating. The Harvest party would give the Devil a foothold, according to G&G. I was shocked to learn that.

All organizations are made up of individuals who have their own thoughts. I don't have any idea what the Websters believe, but I'm not assuming for a moment that they believe exactly what the Duggars or the Bates family or even Gothard believes. These people could be "knee deep" in ATI only for the homeschooling. Or they could be grooming the next Gothard. I sure as hell can't tell.

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ATI is more than just a homeschooling curriculum. It is an entire lifestyle. Sure there are people who half-ass it and don't stay in like my parents did, but we(and people like us) didn't end up with our stories on IBLP websites.

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ATI is like anything else, of course there are better and worse varieties of it, and people join it and abide by it for different reasons. I think that the emotional health and security of the parents is usually the deciding factor in how happy and well-adjusted their kids turn out to be, if they're in ATI. So for example, I believe that Kelly and Gil Bates are much more emotionally healthy people than Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar, and because of that their kids are better adjusted. I think that the more insecure and unhappy you are, the more you gravitate towards the negative aspects of ATI like beating your kids, blanket training, being emotionally distant, rigid courtship rules, etc. Whereas if you're happy and secure, you might gravitate more to the 'positive' aspects like valuing family, the character lessons, etc. Still doesn't make ATI 'good' just 'less bad' than the way someone else might practice it.

But you can't look at outward appearances to judge that. Some of the nastiest, cruelest people are also the most photogenic. John's family having nice clothes and hair is indicative of nothing other than wealth and a desire to look good. I hope for Alyssa's sake that they are kind people.

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ATI is more than just a homeschooling curriculum. It is an entire lifestyle. Sure there are people who half-ass it and don't stay in like my parents did, but we(and people like us) didn't end up with our stories on IBLP websites.

Even if they are someone special, like senators or reality TV "stars"? It seems to me most organizations are more than willing to overlook some perceived flaws if they think a person is important enough to claim as their own (kind of like the FRC doesn't seem to care that Josh Duggar doesn't have an education or any experience that would qualify him for his position there.)

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I think there's still a chance Alyssa & John will be a little less strict with ATI rules considering they were less strict in their courtship - they seemed to have a longer "get to know you period", were much touchier earlier on, and she was calling him her boyfriend/fella before the official courtship started.

At this point, this thread may as well be called "Wedding Watch". I wonder if there's any chance she'll do long lace sleeves a la the Duchess she loves so much? I just submitted a question about this to Kelly.

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Even if they are someone special, like senators or reality TV "stars"? It seems to me most organizations are more than willing to overlook some perceived flaws if they think a person is important enough to claim as their own (kind of like the FRC doesn't seem to care that Josh Duggar doesn't have an education or any experience that would qualify him for his position there.)

There is a chance they are less strict than the Bates, but this isn't going to be some try to avoid having a baby and put the kids in school sort of marriage unless they both break away.

Down the road it might happen, but it probably will start off as a quiverfull/ATI marriage.

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I think there's still a chance Alyssa & John will be a little less strict with ATI rules considering they were less strict in their courtship - they seemed to have a longer "get to know you period", were much touchier earlier on, and she was calling him her boyfriend/fella before the official courtship started.

At this point, this thread may as well be called "Wedding Watch". I wonder if there's any chance she'll do long lace sleeves a la the Duchess she loves so much? I just submitted a question about this to Kelly.

I feel like the kids in these fundy families walk away with some serious Stockholm Syndrome. How hard would it be to be so isolated from others with different ideas? Their lack of pop culture is also a big disadvantage unless you're planning on staying home to be a helpmeet and pop out blessings. It's almost like being feral.

Okay, I may have exaggerated a bit about the importance of pop culture and by calling them feral but I stand by my Stockholm Syndrome remark.

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I think this http://www.websterac.com/index.html is the Webster AC business. It's either a terrible website, or one that doesn't work on my iPad, at least... Really doesn't look that professional, either way.

It is a Java website built by Yellowpages.com (or YP.com) and it looks far better on a conventional computer than an iPad. When we were renewing our Yellow Pages ad, they practically gave the website away - free hosting, free design, 24/7 troubleshooting, etc. HVAC is one of those trades that profits more on word of mouth and phone book advertising rather than web traffic.

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Hey, am I the only person who notices there are NO pics of Alyssa visiting the Websters on the Bates blog. There are plenty of Chad & Erin visiting each other on both family blogs. We have seen no interaction with his family. I'm sure they like her. She is a sweet young lady. But I'm still wondering how they really feel about her age. Does anyone know how old the other Webster women were when they married?

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Kelly's mentioned in a few comments contact with the Websters pre-dating/courtship. The Webster family was involved with one of the mission trips (Romania?), and Alyssa and the other sisters met some of the Webster family that way. She met John when helping out on the father's campaign. I think the comments are on the Courtship post.

So it looks like Alyssa and other members of the Bates clan met the family first, then John, then decided to become involved. I'm sure if they chose to date after the families had met each other, there must be a certain amount of approval on both ends. Just no pictures. But then, maybe Alyssa/John are less into the photoshoots than the others.

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I think the lack of pictures is probably due to the fact that their entire courtship has been overshadowed by engagements, weddings, and Michael's courtship. It isn't like Erin and Chad where Kelly really had nothing else to post about. Also, Kelly never shared pictures of Whitney's family. Kelly is posting about 2x per week at this point and is only talking about major life events! She would have to post daily to keep us informed on all of the small events of even just the older kids.

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Kelly's mentioned in a few comments contact with the Websters pre-dating/courtship. The Webster family was involved with one of the mission trips (Romania?), and Alyssa and the other sisters met some of the Webster family that way. She met John when helping out on the father's campaign. I think the comments are on the Courtship post.

So it looks like Alyssa and other members of the Bates clan met the family first, then John, then decided to become involved. I'm sure if they chose to date after the families had met each other, there must be a certain amount of approval on both ends. Just no pictures. But then, maybe Alyssa/John are less into the photoshoots than the others.

Ok I knew how they met, but I was just wondering why very few special friends/courtship pics while visiting in FL. I remember a pic of them together in D.C. and a double date with Erin. Alyssa seems more fashionable. Can't believe she wouldn't let her mom post at least one pic of her visits to FL. Sorry it's just odd to me. I guess they will make up for it with engagement pics. Can she cook??

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Ok I knew how they met, but I was just wondering why very few special friends/courtship pics while visiting in FL. I remember a pic of them together in D.C. and a double date with Erin. Alyssa seems more fashionable. Can't believe she wouldn't let her mom post at least one pic of her visits to FL. Sorry it's just odd to me. I guess they will make up for it with engagement pics. Can she cook??

There was an episode of United Bates of America in which Kelly mentioned that Erin had trouble cooking, but that Michael and Alyssa were very good.

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It is pretty wild... Kelly keeps saying that there are no other courtships in the works, but this could easily keep going. I doubt there it will ever be as intense as it is right now, but they could easily continue to have a wedding a year for the foreseeable future. I'm not saying it's going to go like this, but this is just to give an idea of how it could happen (age in brackets would be their age in the specified year):

2014: Alyssa (19)

2015: Michael (25)

2016: Lawson (23/24)

2017: Nathan (23/24)

2018: Tori (22)

2019: Trace (21/22)

2020: Carlin (21/22)

2021: Josie (21/22)

2022: Katie (21/22)

2023: Jackson (21)

2024: Warden (20/21)

That's a decade of potentially one marriage per year, AND that's assuming none of them after Alyssa get married before the age of 20. There could easily be another year where there are two or three weddings.

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