Alyssa Bates and John Webster Engagement (now confirmed)

[Mela99]

I hope she gets a big ol' sparkler.

[formergothardite]

The Websters are part of ATI. I am not sure why people think they are not.

Exactly. I don't doubt that they would rather marry her off young than encourage her to pursue any sort of education. She looks like she might be drinking less Koolaid than some of the others and if they get her married to an ATI guy, get her having babies, well, the chances of her going mainstream are lessened a lot.

[GeoBQn]

I thought that Gil and Kelly originally said that Alyssa dropped out to help Erin plan her wedding. I remember reading the comment at the time and wondering who in their right mind would drop her classes to plan a wedding that wasn't even hers.

[silverspoons]

Hasn't there been talk that Alyssa is the most likely to want to leave ATI. Unlike the Duggars oldest daughters who we have seen 25 times more of on tv, the 3 oldest Bates girls had 3 distinctive personalities. Alyssa seems strong, trendy, outgoing, part tomboy part princess. I can't see her having 20 kids or wanting 20, but I see her having her magic "6" over time. She is marrying into a good family so they won't be living in a shack. I think she knows what she wants(and it is not the life she had growing up, well actually she might remember the normal Nabisco life they had?) and wants that suburban middle class life back.

I don't see Alyssa like Anna or Erin having a closed circle of ATI friends. I can see her living in a family neighborhood and visiting her neighbors and having the kids play together reguardless of religion.

19 is young, not the age for me but I think she will be fine and maybe happier then living where she is now. Can you imagine that some 19 year old don't want to live with 17 siblings and share a room with 4-5 sisters?

[Dandruff]

I thought that Gil and Kelly originally said that Alyssa dropped out to help Erin plan her wedding. I remember reading the comment at the time and wondering who in their right mind would drop her classes to plan a wedding that wasn't even hers.

I'm not surprised that she gave wedding planning the higher priority, but why couldn't she do both? It seems like throwing money down the drain unless she had just completed a semester prior to dropping out.

[singsingsing]

I think she's been 'on a break' since she started helping Erin plan her wedding. Doesn't sound like she was all that invested in college in the first place.

[bucherwurm]

About Gil and Kelly letting her drop out of college, I think it depends if they were paying for it or not. She is 19, so if she was paying for it, not much they can do, really. On the other side, they may not have minded.

If they are getting married soon, hopefully he can take her on some trips to get her more life experience before kids. Either way, I hope they can grow up together and not grow apart.

[pega127]

In some ways I worry about Alyssa the most of the Bates girls. She seems to be the type of girl who loves girly things as well as planning ahead, so she probably has been planning this wedding in detail since she was ten, and couldn't wait for it to happen even before she met John. And I'm sure being courted by a Congressman's son is really flattering so she is swept up in that right now.

But first, she is only 19. And secondly, she seems kinda spunky, social, and wants a little more glamour in her life. I.e., not someone who would be happy having twenty kids (and all of the physical tolls that takes) and being confined to the traditional duties of cooking and cleaning and living on a budget.

I just keep seeing a girl who doesn't understand what she is getting herself into.

Wait...wasn't Alyssa the one who likes to hunt? Not very "girly"!

[pega127]

About Gil and Kelly letting her drop out of college, I think it depends if they were paying for it or not. She is 19, so if she was paying for it, not much they can do, really. On the other side, they may not have minded.

If they are getting married soon, hopefully he can take her on some trips to get her more life experience before kids. Either way, I hope they can grow up together and not grow apart.

She may not have "dropped' out; but rather took a semester off.

[Ralar]

I thought that Gil and Kelly originally said that Alyssa dropped out to help Erin plan her wedding. I remember reading the comment at the time and wondering who in their right mind would drop her classes to plan a wedding that wasn't even hers.

Remember, she was attending the ultra-fundy, unaccredited Clown College. Do we know what she was studying? Other than their vocational programs, it looks like all their courses of "might" prepare one for church work. What has she lost by dropping out, other than a few hours of freedom outside the Bates house?

ETA: Planning her escape seems like it might be a more worthwhile exercise than attending Clown College.

[divadivine]

Remember, she was attending the ultra-fundy, unaccredited Clown College. Do we know what she was studying? Other than their vocational programs, it looks like all their courses of "might" prepare one for church work. What has she lost by dropping out, other than a few hours of freedom outside the Bates house?

ETA: Planning her escape seems like it might be a more worthwhile exercise than attending Clown College.

She probably doesn't have a chaperone to keep her accountable. She might be defrauded by some fundie boy in a suit. Or the person who takes her order at Chick-Fil-A.

[Tangy Bee]

I didn't realize the Websters were ATI. They all appear to be more mainstream. One of John's sister in laws does not look like she married that young. I still think someone in his family was concerned with how much more restrictive the Bates family is. John looks like a doofus in some of his family pictures. Wonder if he has had his 1st kiss with anyone?

[nausicaa]

Wait...wasn't Alyssa the one who likes to hunt? Not very "girly"!

True. But I'm going by her pinterest page. Lots of make up, hair, shoes, and designer clothing pins (and she has gotten a lot better with her hair and make up in recent years). She also stopped college for a semester to help plan Erin's wedding-- I think she really likes things like that.

As for her college, yeah, I got the feeling she was never very invested in that. And considering she didn't attend the fall semester or this semester with no real plans of going back, I consider her as having "dropped out." It will be interesting if John ever wants to pursue a career in politics. People expect a little more out of politician's wives nowadays. Even conservative Republicans often have wives with masters degrees and many have held prominent positions (head of the Red Cross, political strategists and consultants, journalists, lobbyists).

[anjulibai]

True. But I'm going by her pinterest page. Lots of make up, hair, shoes, and designer clothing pins (and she has gotten a lot better with her hair and make up in recent years). She also stopped college for a semester to help plan Erin's wedding-- I think she really likes things like that.

As for her college, yeah, I got the feeling she was never very invested in that. And considering she didn't attend the fall semester or this semester with no real plans of going back, I consider her as having "dropped out." It will be interesting if John ever wants to pursue a career in politics. People expect a little more out of politician's wives nowadays. Even conservative Republicans often have wives with masters degrees and many have held prominent positions (head of the Red Cross, political strategists and consultants, journalists, lobbyists).

John hasn't even gone to college, how will he do as a politician?

Politicians should have at least bachelor's and most have a master's or equivalent. I can't even think of a single prominent politician in national government without a bachelor's.

[Coconut Flan]

Is John really into politics or is it just his father? Maybe he's more into the air conditioning business or has another interest in life.

[leftcoastmama]

It saddens me how ill prepared these girls ( and boys) are to deal with life if it doesn't turn out to be the fairytale they were taught to believe in. Even if they have husbands that treat them well. I lost my first husband suddenly to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy I had 8 children ranging in age from 1 to 14 and pregnant with # 9. I had training and skills to be able to care for myself and my children. What would happen to these young ladies in a similar situation?

[nausicaa]

John hasn't even gone to college, how will he do as a politician?

Politicians should have at least bachelor's and most have a master's or equivalent. I can't even think of a single prominent politician in national government without a bachelor's.

I was wondering about his level of education. Though, once they have kids in their culture, it will be much easier for him to go back and get a bachelor's than it will be for her.

I can't shake just feeling much more nervous about this match than I did for Erin and Zach. To me, there is a big difference between being 19 and being in your early/mid twenties. Erin and Zach had ways of earning money, accomplishments, Erin is actively pursuing a degree (dubious though it may be). Alyssa is really betting everything on one horse.

[anjulibai]

I was wondering about his level of education. Though, once they have kids in their culture, it will be much easier for him to go back and get a bachelor's than it will be for her.

I can't shake just feeling much more nervous about this match than I did for Erin and Zach. To me, there is a big difference between being 19 and being in your early/mid twenties. Erin and Zach had ways of earning money, accomplishments, Erin is actively pursuing a degree (dubious though it may be). Alyssa is really betting everything on one horse.

I don't know if it's easier for the men to get a degree after marriage and kids. I mean, look at Smuggar - wasn't he going to be a lawyer? He's done nothing for that, not even College Minus.

Alyssa has been working for a florist, so there's that.

But I agree, it's very different for a 19 year old to be married versus those in early/mid twenties. It's just too young.

[Justme]

Even without a degree, Erin can teach piano lessons. As long as she has a piano, she can do so from her home. She can also be a paid pianist at weddings, churches, etc.

[anjulibai]

Yeah, all of the 3 oldest girls could easily from home while married with a couple of kids: Michael could make and sell clothes, Erin can teach piano and play at events, and Alyssa can arrange flowers and help plan weddings.

I'm not sure how much they will follow through with any of that, though.

[freethemall]

I'm surprised that if Alyssa is fully into wedding planning right now, why her Pinterest doesn't have a wedding board - or is it private? Anybody follows her that knows? Did she have one and then delete it/change the privacy settings after we all found it?

[singsingsing]

I'm surprised that if Alyssa is fully into wedding planning right now, why her Pinterest doesn't have a wedding board - or is it private? Anybody follows her that knows? Did she have one and then delete it/change the privacy settings after we all found it?

Yes.

[nausicaa]

Yeah, all of the 3 oldest girls could easily from home while married with a couple of kids: Michael could make and sell clothes, Erin can teach piano and play at events, and Alyssa can arrange flowers and help plan weddings.

I'm not sure how much they will follow through with any of that, though.

But at least they have that as an emergency option in case times get tough, so they don't have to live in a pop up camper or feed their children Cream of Wheat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner! (assuming their headship allows them to take advantage of that option...)

[anjulibai]

But at least they have that as an emergency option in case times get tough, so they don't have to live in a pop up camper or feed their children Cream of Wheat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner! (assuming their headship allows them to take advantage of that option...)

Hopefully Chad, Brandon and John aren't such selfish assholes that they wouldn't allow that.

[silverspoons]

I'm a huge advocate for young women getting education (especially where I live in Utah, where in the past 2 years I have seen over 100 full scholarships turned down for missions or marriage). I don't worry that much for Alyssa specifically. If John died, I can't imagine his wealthy family would not take care of her and the kids. If they got divorced, I also think he would be forced (if not willing)to support the kids.

I worry a lot more for Jessa/Ben , he is a penniless 18 year old with no real skills and doesn't look like his family is made of money and Jessa has no education after 16 and no work experience. Alyssa's GED and few college courses and work at a flower shop and John working at a successful family business make them look like they are golden compared to a Jessa & Ben (of course TLC money will be the saving grace for Jessa, most likely helping them get debt free housing).

As for politicians going to college, it is not always a requirement(sadly). The governor of Utah I know he didn't attend college, I hope he finished high school? My kids had a recent opportunity to meet him and one really want to call him out on all his talks about education since he never finished(he has commericals telling people to finish college at the governors university, so why doesn't he do it, if it is so easy and inexpensive?). Religion and business connections in 2014 can still get an uneducated person elected into politics.