Dillards 89: I'd Watch a Netflix Xpecial and so Would My Mom

[louisa05]

2 hours ago, justoneoftwo said:

Not paying for college isn't the worst thing. Also doesn't necessarily mean you don't care about education. I know families that think it's important that the kid have skin in the game. But they also think it's very important to do and our support of another ways.

College costs way too much for that now, though. The notion that an 18 year old can pay their own way is absurd. Average in-state public college tuition is nearly $12,000 a year now. That doesn’t include living expenses, fees, technology and books. Parents who are able to contribute and use “skin in the game”as a reason not to are setting their kid up for massive debt. 

[HeartsAFundie]

7 hours ago, louisa05 said:

College costs way too much for that now, though. The notion that an 18 year old can pay their own way is absurd. Average in-state public college tuition is nearly $12,000 a year now. That doesn’t include living expenses, fees, technology and books. Parents who are able to contribute and use “skin in the game”as a reason not to are setting their kid up for massive debt. 

My in-laws definitely had the means to contribute something to their kids' education.  However, they (meaning my MIL who runs the show on all levels) specifically chose not to.  Her rationale was "My mother never helped me out for nursing school, so why should I help my kids?" 

And her daughter-my sister-in-law who went to college for one semester right after high school and dropped out for a minimum wage factory job-went on to marry and have a daughter of her own.  And her attitude toward helping to pay for her daughter's education?  "Well, my grandmother didn't pay for my mother to go to nursing school, and my mother didn't pay to help me with any college, so why should I help my daughter?"

And her daughter-my niece-went to community college for one year while working part-time, dropped out, got pregnant, had her daughter at 19,  and thankfully did end up finishing her associates' degree at age 26-assumedly due to being eligible for need-based aid because as stated previously, her parents likely didn't contribute.  My niece is now gainfully employed full-time and both she and her daughter, now age 9, live with my sister-in-law and brother-in-law.  The 9 year old is a gregarious and intelligent little girl who absolutely loves school and learning, and I truly hope my niece has a different attitude with her child about higher education than the family's previous generations have had.  

[Mrs. Kravitz]

9 hours ago, louisa05 said:

College costs way too much for that now, though. The notion that an 18 year old can pay their own way is absurd. Average in-state public college tuition is nearly $12,000 a year now. That doesn’t include living expenses, fees, technology and books. Parents who are able to contribute and use “skin in the game”as a reason not to are setting their kid up for massive debt. 

And financial aid typically makes the assumption that parents are contributing the maximum amount they can until child is 24 or married. I knew a girl in college who married a guy friend right out of high school just to get more financial aid because her parents weren't contributing but still claimed her as a dependent on taxes and were claiming all her college expenses. 

[AliceInFundyland]

In hindsight I made an error about where I went to school right out of the gate. My father's decision to just NOT fill out the stupid FAFSA made everything really complicated.

He ended up in a discussion with the financial coordinator at the college and then she ended up apologizing to my mother.

They need to make it optional. It's another part of the broken system.

[pupper]

When our state university started offering free tuition to admitted students who had family incomes less than a certain low level, there were several cases of wealthy families giving guardianship of their high school seniors to people like their gardener or housekeeper. They were outed when Facebook posts showed the kids on exotic vacations with their actual families.

[crawfishgirl]

I have a daughter who will be attending college in the fall, and I just can't imagine not wanting to help her out as much as possible.  I've never met a parent who didn't want their kids to do better than they did, and/or wanted their kids to start off with massive debt.  I understand that many parents don't have the means to do so, but I am not referring to them.  I don't believe in putting a parent's retirement at risk (we've been advised 'you can always finance an education, but you cannot finance retirement', and I don't want to be a burden to my kids when I am older, so it's definitely a balancing act), but I plan to help as much as possible.  

 

[HeartsAFundie]

1 hour ago, pupper said:

When our state university started offering free tuition to admitted students who had family incomes less than a certain low level, there were several cases of wealthy families giving guardianship of their high school seniors to people like their gardener or housekeeper. They were outed when Facebook posts showed the kids on exotic vacations with their actual families.

Very similar to what affluent families with multiple kids in MA did in the 80s-emancipated the college student kid attending a state university and living off-campus so they would be eligible for Pell Grants, food stamps, and fuel assistance. Meanwhile the kids are driving nice cars and getting financial assistance from Mommy and Daddy the entire time.  The caveat was that the parents could not claim said child as a dependent on their income taxes but they obviously saw the trade-off as being very beneficial financially.  

I think that loophole somehow got plugged over the years because I haven't heard of anyone taking advantage of it lately.         

[Tdoc72]

What we were/I am doing (my husband passed in Jan) is to pay for community college for 2 years.  We were very upfront with them about this, probably since the age of 12 or so. We just don’t have the money to send them away. (Plus I went to school with too many kids that went and basically wasted their parents money by not caring about their grades and not taking it seriously. Also a few that just weren’t ready to be away.) That way if they want to go on, they know they are on their own but they got the basics out of the way and it will be more affordable for them. My oldest just finished her two years but did change her major so she needs 2 more semesters.  She decided to do them at the community college and will pay for that herself. My 2nd is going to comm college on the fall. She did very well in high school and her tuition will be paid for through a state program.  Her biology program will allow her to do her 3rd yr at the comm college then transfer to “live away college” (as she calls it) for her fourth and final year. She hopes to do well to get a few scholarships to lower her loan amount for the 4th year. My last is only 14. If they are in school, I won’t charge them rent. Although they do pay their phones and car insurance/gas.  
 

Also the FAFSA is awful, especially as a recently widowed parent. They said not to include my husbands income but our jointly filed taxes do not separate everything out.  I tried my best but still think I did them wrong. I’m not asking for or expecting any money so I think it’s dumb I even had to do it. 

[clueliss]

6 hours ago, Tdoc72 said:

 

Also the FAFSA is awful, especially as a recently widowed parent. They said not to include my husbands income but our jointly filed taxes do not separate everything out.  I tried my best but still think I did them wrong. I’m not asking for or expecting any money so I think it’s dumb I even had to do it. 

I went to college in the 80s and tried to convince my mom to file separately because the joint returns meant my stepfather’s inc8me was included in my financial aid calculations.  Mom did not listen (love my mother but I have a list of WTF mom and this is on it).  My stepfather contributed zilch to my education (with the exception of making life living at home while attending college difficult and not a great environment for studying) and my father had long not paid child support and getting him to help with college was just not in the picture (because I tried that).  
 

My advice to any parent who is remarried or in other different marriage states (like the one above) is file separately.

[louisa05]

9 hours ago, Tdoc72 said:

What we were/I am doing (my husband passed in Jan) is to pay for community college for 2 years.  We were very upfront with them about this, probably since the age of 12 or so. We just don’t have the money to send them away. (Plus I went to school with too many kids that went and basically wasted their parents money by not caring about their grades and not taking it seriously. Also a few that just weren’t ready to be away.) That way if they want to go on, they know they are on their own but they got the basics out of the way and it will be more affordable for them. My oldest just finished her two years but did change her major so she needs 2 more semesters.  She decided to do them at the community college and will pay for that herself. My 2nd is going to comm college on the fall. She did very well in high school and her tuition will be paid for through a state program.  Her biology program will allow her to do her 3rd yr at the comm college then transfer to “live away college” (as she calls it) for her fourth and final year. She hopes to do well to get a few scholarships to lower her loan amount for the 4th year. My last is only 14. If they are in school, I won’t charge them rent. Although they do pay their phones and car insurance/gas.  
 

Also the FAFSA is awful, especially as a recently widowed parent. They said not to include my husbands income but our jointly filed taxes do not separate everything out.  I tried my best but still think I did them wrong. I’m not asking for or expecting any money so I think it’s dumb I even had to do it. 

Whether that’s helpful depends on what they plan to do. My cousins did that with their kids. But their son majored in meteorology and needed a sequence of science with labs at his four year school. He ended up being at the four year school for 4.5 years anyway. After two years of community college. Their daughter did education. You have to complete certain coursework in the freshmen year here to be eligible for field experiences that begin sophomore year. They’re sequenced and can’t be doubled up. So it took her four years at her university anyway. After two years of community college. A year of community college may have worked for her (if she’d known to take the intro to Ed courses there). 
So really take a hard look at if that plan works for the majors they desire. If it doesn’t, why not pay the equivalent of the CC costs when they begin at a four year school? 

[front hugs > duggs]

My dad left me, at 17, to complete the FAFSA on my own. Using his financial information. It was such a nightmare. 

[freethemall]

So...we're not talking about Jill taking 2 year old frozen breastmilk out of her freezer and feeding it to Sam then her puppy?

[Melinda]

46 minutes ago, freethemall said:

So...we're not talking about Jill taking 2 year old frozen breastmilk out of her freezer and feeding it to Sam then her puppy?

At least I forgot her disgusting brother for a second. 

[artdecades]

It’s weird for sure but I don’t have an issue with it? Why not let it be enjoyed since the kids aren’t drinking it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

[bal maiden]

57 minutes ago, freethemall said:

So...we're not talking about Jill taking 2 year old frozen breastmilk out of her freezer and feeding it to Sam then her puppy?

Honestly, why would we be talking about it? It's not weird. Every breastfeeding mum I know has discovered leftover milk at some point! And a dog consuming human milk is no weirder than humans consuming cow's milk.

[JDuggs]

56 minutes ago, freethemall said:

So...we're not talking about Jill taking 2 year old frozen breastmilk out of her freezer and feeding it to Sam then her puppy?

I don’t have a dog, but my Google skills told me it’s not a good idea to give breastmilk to dogs. I’m not sure why anyone would want to experiment with their pet’s health in that way. If Sam wanted to try it, maybe Jill should have tried it first to make sure it was okay.

[Satan'sFortress]

7 hours ago, front hugs > duggs said:

My dad left me, at 17, to complete the FAFSA on my own. Using his financial information. It was such a nightmare. 

That is very unfortunate.  I cannot imagine trying to do the FAFSA at that age. One of my dream jobs would be to help kids fill out college applications and financial aid forms. There are so many kids who probably don't apply for college or aid because of a situation like yours--parents who can't or won't help them.

I remember my folks at the dining room table, filling out all those forms with a pencil and adding machine.  They had 5 kids---all 1 year apart, so lots of forms for many many years.  It is much easier now---all online, they save information from the previous year, etc.

[freethemall]

6 hours ago, bal maiden said:

Honestly, why would we be talking about it? It's not weird. Every breastfeeding mum I know has discovered leftover milk at some point! And a dog consuming human milk is no weirder than humans

Just to be clear, AAP does not recommend keeping frozen breast milk over a year, ideally 6 months. 2 years is a bit risky

[dawbs]

22 hours ago, HeartsAFundie said:

*snip

I think that loophole somehow got plugged over the years because I haven't heard of anyone taking advantage of it lately.         

Back in the 90s, if I had emancipated myself from my parents (who weren't paying), I'd have lost my parent's insurance...so the math didn't work

[BullyJBG]

To use up old breastmilk, there are plenty of other uses; like any other ways you use milk for cooking. Poor Jill. But, thankfully the doggie seems to be fine.

[CanadianMamam]

My dog routinely eats far sketchier things than old frozen breast milk, so I didn't think it was that big of a deal. 

[AussieKrissy]

9 hours ago, JDuggs said:

I don’t have a dog, but my Google skills told me it’s not a good idea to give breastmilk to dogs. I’m not sure why anyone would want to experiment with their pet’s health in that way. If Sam wanted to try it, maybe Jill should have tried it first to make sure it was okay.

I personally would have binned it. And if I did do all she did I most certainly would not have posted about it. I do like her snarky ness at the end where she was pre empting all the nay sayers 

I may have put up a ha ha ha look what I found after two year post and then binned it. 

[SorenaJ]

Most dogs probably have iron stomach. They eat all sorts of weird things. 

[Alisamer]

22 hours ago, louisa05 said:

Whether that’s helpful depends on what they plan to do. My cousins did that with their kids. But their son majored in meteorology and needed a sequence of science with labs at his four year school. He ended up being at the four year school for 4.5 years anyway. After two years of community college. Their daughter did education. You have to complete certain coursework in the freshmen year here to be eligible for field experiences that begin sophomore year. They’re sequenced and can’t be doubled up. So it took her four years at her university anyway. After two years of community college. A year of community college may have worked for her (if she’d known to take the intro to Ed courses there). 
So really take a hard look at if that plan works for the majors they desire. If it doesn’t, why not pay the equivalent of the CC costs when they begin at a four year school? 

Definitely agree - community college might be great for some people, but it could be an absolute waste of time and money for others. For those two years to count toward a bachelors you have to know up front what you need to take and what will transfer, and for that you usually have to know where you will be transferring! (And hope the requirements and transfer status doesn't change while you're in process.) 

If someone graduates high school with no idea whatsoever what they want to major in then community college might be a good option to get the basics in while they figure that out, but if they already know and the local community college doesn't have the courses they need or courses that will transfer, why waste two years and all that money? They might be better off getting a job and saving up while figuring out what they want to do.

My co-worker's daughter got an associates at community college, and even with that and checking ahead that things would transfer STILL took more than four more years to graduate with her bachelors. Classes that were originally transferrable suddenly weren't, the prerequisites changed, etc. She'd have done better to go straight to her bachelors, and it would have cost less in the end (she did almost all classes remotely). She could have a masters by now in the same amount of time and not that much more money.

My sister was in college 4 years, and graduated with a double major and a masters. If she'd taken two years of community college that would have been impossible. My bachelors is in art, with concentrations in graphic design and professional communications. It would have been impossible for me to get in all the prerequisites and necessary classes starting in community college. 

I was lucky my parents were able to help me a little, and I was able to get some financial aid. If they'd told me they would only pay for community college I'd have wanted to ask for that money toward tuition for a four year college instead. But I'd probably not have been able to ask and would have not done as well as I have, I think. 

Plus going away to college, while expensive and not for everyone, can really help shape a person. I know it's anecdotal and not true for everyone - but most of the people I know who stayed home while attending college, community or a 4-year school - took far longer to "adult" than those who lived away from home during that time. Some people need that jump into the deep end. 

[crawfishgirl]

My daughter's high school offered Dual Credit (DC) classes in conjunction with the local community college.  They were a good way to get credit for a few basic college classes, such as English.  However, we were warned that many universities may not accept the credit, especially if a particular class was required as part of a specific curriculum (such as a biology class DC for a biology major), since many universities won't give you credit for them unless they are taken at their school, and therefore would not be transferrable.