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Dillards 89: I'd Watch a Netflix Xpecial and so Would My Mom


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46 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

Definitely agree - community college might be great for some people, but it could be an absolute waste of time and money for others. For those two years to count toward a bachelors you have to know up front what you need to take and what will transfer, and for that you usually have to know where you will be transferring! (And hope the requirements and transfer status doesn't change while you're in process.) 

If someone graduates high school with no idea whatsoever what they want to major in then community college might be a good option to get the basics in while they figure that out, but if they already know and the local community college doesn't have the courses they need or courses that will transfer, why waste two years and all that money? They might be better off getting a job and saving up while figuring out what they want to do.

My co-worker's daughter got an associates at community college, and even with that and checking ahead that things would transfer STILL took more than four more years to graduate with her bachelors. Classes that were originally transferrable suddenly weren't, the prerequisites changed, etc. She'd have done better to go straight to her bachelors, and it would have cost less in the end (she did almost all classes remotely). She could have a masters by now in the same amount of time and not that much more money.

My sister was in college 4 years, and graduated with a double major and a masters. If she'd taken two years of community college that would have been impossible. My bachelors is in art, with concentrations in graphic design and professional communications. It would have been impossible for me to get in all the prerequisites and necessary classes starting in community college. 

I was lucky my parents were able to help me a little, and I was able to get some financial aid. If they'd told me they would only pay for community college I'd have wanted to ask for that money toward tuition for a four year college instead. But I'd probably not have been able to ask and would have not done as well as I have, I think. 

Plus going away to college, while expensive and not for everyone, can really help shape a person. I know it's anecdotal and not true for everyone - but most of the people I know who stayed home while attending college, community or a 4-year school - took far longer to "adult" than those who lived away from home during that time. Some people need that jump into the deep end. 

Totally agree with most of this. My daughter graduated high school last year. Going to community college would have been a total waste for her. So many of the “basics” can be taken in high school for college credit now. My daughter graduated with 19 hours done already. She was accepted into the honors program in her college which cuts all the gen ed requirements and instead adds one honors course each semester. So she was able to start off her very first year taking almost all courses in her major. Her major has a 5 year masters program. Due to being ahead with the high school courses and being in the honors program she can finish the entire program in 4 years. So she’ll have a bachelors & masters in 4. If she had wasted time at community college she’d still be having to take 4 years after spending 2 there. 
 

As far as kids who don’t go away not growing up as quickly, while I do agree with you that that is often the case, it isn’t always. My son is almost 18 and will be a senior this upcoming year (he missed the kindergarten cut of by about 6 weeks or he would have graduated this year).  He wants nothing to do with living on campus, as his sister is doing.  He considers himself an adult, and has since he was a child.  He sees college students living in dorms as “kids”.  His plan was to buy his own home as soon as he turned 18 and live independently through his last year of high school and college. Soaring home prices have changed his plans and he’s looking into possibly renting an apartment (although he doesn’t really want “throw away” his money and would rather “invest”) This is the kid who told me his entire life plans through retirement when he was in elementary school. We call him our little Alex P Keaton.  My husband said if he was living independently then we shouldn’t be paying for his education. I said that was totally unfair as he will actually save us quite a bit by providing his own housing. A good chunk of our daughters education expense is her room and board. 
 

I do also strongly believe that kids should have some “skin in the game”. For our daughters education, while we pay the majority, we did have her take out a small interest free loan of 3500. She pays me 300 per month and at the end of the year that money was used to pay off the loan. We plan to do this for each of the 4 years she attends.  She works a part time job and earns enough to pay me the 300 plus her car insurance and she pays for all of her own incidentals and extras. She’s learning to be responsible and budget her money and she will graduate debt free. 

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As someone who works at a college and is in favor of CC first for many, manyyyy kids, its not always a good option. Most accreditations for programs (that are required for a person to be eligible in their field - Nursing, education, health-related fields, etc) have stipulations about how many credits and what kind are earned at the degree granting institution. Institutions themselves also often have a requirement of at least 60 of the last 90 credits being earned on their campus for it to count as a degree from that school. It varies, obviously, but there are so many cases when it just takes students even longer to graduate due to having outside criteria placed on a program that had different requirements 3 years ago when they checked with an advisor prior to transferring. 

 

basically, its a moving target and a hard one to hit.

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Posted (edited)
7 hours ago, crawfishgirl said:

My daughter's high school offered Dual Credit (DC) classes in conjunction with the local community college.  They were a good way to get credit for a few basic college classes, such as English.  However, we were warned that many universities may not accept the credit, especially if a particular class was required as part of a specific curriculum (such as a biology class DC for a biology major), since many universities won't give you credit for them unless they are taken at their school, and therefore would not be transferrable.  

Having taught a dual credit course as a long term sub, my guess is colleges don’t always accept the credit because it’s not as difficult as an actual college course in many cases.  Not all. I’m sure there are teachers out there teaching very rigorous dual credit classes. But the one I taught was easier than the honors curriculum I taught in a different school that was not dual credit. And a former community college teacher taught a dual credit composition class in my room during my plan one semester. Kids wrote three very short papers and had no other assessments. A quick look at college comp syllabi online shows 4-5 much longer papers and grammar assessments plus other quizzes and a final writing exam. 

Edited by louisa05
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10 hours ago, Alisamer said:

Plus going away to college, while expensive and not for everyone, can really help shape a person. I know it's anecdotal and not true for everyone - but most of the people I know who stayed home while attending college, community or a 4-year school - took far longer to "adult" than those who lived away from home during that time. Some people need that jump into the deep end. 

I dearly love my parents, but looking back, they were quite controlling. When I was looking at colleges, my parents said I could go up to 200 miles away. My school was 194.2 miles from our driveway. My Dad then tried the " You can only come home Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Spring Break." talk. I said, "Cool, sign me up."

When I was at college I could make decisions like when do I go to bed and wake up? Do I want to walk around town with friends (we weren't into partying)? Do I just want to hang out with friends? Do I feel like taking the campus bus out for a trip to the grocery?

In the summers, I could only use the car to go back and forth to work and for one trip to the mall 30 minutes away at the end of the summer. I was school friends with some in high school, but we didn't get together on the weekends or after school, so the only social life I had while at home with the family  in the summer was interactions with the family/ at work/ at church.

I don't think I would have been as independent as I am today if I had gone to the local university and lived at home as my brother did or if I would have gone to the community college 30 minutes away. I was quite glad I had the opportunity to go away to a state school because I moved 2000 miles from home upon graduation. (When I told my Dad about the job offer, he really tried to get me to stay local.)

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Posted (edited)

@Audrey2 I totally agree, and I had the same experience. I couldn't imagine spending age 18-22 having to ask for permission to leave the house, having my parents see my mail, deliveries, & store purchases, planning my schedule around my entire family and making sure to check it was okay with my mom, having a curfew, having my diet/meals decided for me, having my attire scrutinized, having my parents judge/meet every acquaintance or date, just in general not being free to CHOOSE what I wanted to do. 

Sure, I would have saved a LOT of money. But those are such formative years and I am so glad I was able to become my own person free from my parents' judgements. And I had good parents!

Moving away for college and spending time in the dorms is what introduced me to different types of people, experiences, ideas, etc. If I commuted to college I would have missed out on all the late-night discussions, parties mixing with new people and music, common sense learning about how to navigate a city at night, learning how to manage my own time and cook, learning who I wanted to be, not just the person I thought my parents wanted to see me as, etc. 

I never want to fall into the Lori Alexander trap that all college debt = bad. It's a case by case scenario. 

Edited by kmachete14
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On 6/6/2021 at 11:21 AM, louisa05 said:

Whether that’s helpful depends on what they plan to do. My cousins did that with their kids. But their son majored in meteorology and needed a sequence of science with labs at his four year school. He ended up being at the four year school for 4.5 years anyway. After two years of community college. Their daughter did education. You have to complete certain coursework in the freshmen year here to be eligible for field experiences that begin sophomore year. They’re sequenced and can’t be doubled up. So it took her four years at her university anyway. After two years of community college. A year of community college may have worked for her (if she’d known to take the intro to Ed courses there). 
So really take a hard look at if that plan works for the majors they desire. If it doesn’t, why not pay the equivalent of the CC costs when they begin at a four year school? 

     Our county community college is partnered with a 4yr university a couple of counties away. Both programs my daughters did/are doing are specifically designed to do 3 years local and one away and they will/would graduate with a degree from the university. My oldest was doing education but decided to change her major. My middle is doing the biology program.  They also both came out of high school with a few credits that was also in partnership w/their college. I don’t remember what the classes were.  Honors history maybe? 
     Everyone is making great points though. I firmly believe the family should discuss pros and cons.  I remember my younger brother basically told my parents he was going out of state and they would need to pay $1000 a month. They didn’t say anything then, but it wasn’t the easiest for them. Mom now says she wishes they would’ve discussed it more. He did have some scholarship $ and loans. He actually asked them to pay the loans when he graduated. They said no.  
     Live away college wouldn’t have worked for my oldest. She has some anxiety and depression issues that would’ve made it hard. She’s doing better now after working and going to comm college for 2 years. If I won the lottery, I’d send my middle one in a heartbeat. She’s my focused responsible one. She briefly looked into live away college but ultimately decided that she didn’t want to have so many loans to pay back. My youngest is 14 and hasn’t started high school yet so she has some time.  I have set aside $from my husband’s life insurance so that she’ll have the same as her sisters.  If she wants the money for a 4yr college, I’d have no problem doing that. 

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21 minutes ago, kmachete14 said:

@Audrey2 I totally agree, and I had the same experience. I couldn't imagine spending age 18-22 having to ask for permission to leave the house, having my parents see my mail, deliveries, & store purchases, planning my schedule around my entire family and making sure to check it was okay with my mom, having a curfew, having my diet/meals decided for me, having my attire scrutinized, having my parents judge/meet every acquaintance or date, just in general not being free to CHOOSE what I wanted to do. 

 

Oh lord, I don’t do most of those things. My oldest is 20. When she turned 18, we had a discussion with her and worked out what we expected & she could live with.  We told her she didn’t have to ask permission anymore but need to leave a note/text with basically where she was going and what time I should worry and her Apple ID/password in case of emergency use only (I watch too much true crime!) She only has to ask if she takes one of her sisters with her.  So she’s free to come and go.  One time she decided to spend the night at a friend house and didn’t let us know. She got a call at 5 am when my husband didn’t know where she was.  I didn’t realize she wasn’t home but he noticed her car wasn’t here. She pays her own bills. Her only other rules are keep her mess inside her room and if she’s not in school, she has to pay rent. I try to get her to make dinner once a week but she usually grumbles or offers to get her sisters take out. 😁 I do complain about her attire as she has a fondness for crop tops that I hate.  But she wears them anyway.  

My 17 yo old just got her license but won’t be 18 until fall. She still has to ask and receive permission to go places. 

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4 hours ago, Tdoc72 said:

Oh lord, I don’t do most of those things. My oldest is 20. When she turned 18, we had a discussion with her and worked out what we expected & she could live with.  We told her she didn’t have to ask permission anymore but need to leave a note/text with basically where she was going and what time I should worry and her Apple ID/password in case of emergency use only (I watch too much true crime!) She only has to ask if she takes one of her sisters with her.  So she’s free to come and go.  One time she decided to spend the night at a friend house and didn’t let us know. She got a call at 5 am when my husband didn’t know where she was.  I didn’t realize she wasn’t home but he noticed her car wasn’t here. She pays her own bills. Her only other rules are keep her mess inside her room and if she’s not in school, she has to pay rent. I try to get her to make dinner once a week but she usually grumbles or offers to get her sisters take out. 😁 I do complain about her attire as she has a fondness for crop tops that I hate.  But she wears them anyway.  

My 17 yo old just got her license but won’t be 18 until fall. She still has to ask and receive permission to go places. 

That’s exactly how my parents handled it around 10 years ago (and it was really the norm with parents then in my social bubble). It was a fantastic preparation for moving out when we went to university or jobs and moved out. Those two years (then you were 19/20 to finish school to go on to university or job training) where pure heaven. Basically all the freedom, already taking on responsibility and the consequences for yourself on a much bigger scale than before (not just peanuts like will I drink that cocktail but more life important question like which degree will I apply for, how am I going to finance filling up the car, did I schedule my dentist appointment, can I budget with the money I have, will I go party even if I have to show up at 08:00 in school tomorrow) but still having the security of a fall back. When we left home, we were ready. Doesn’t mean we didn’t ask for help or advice. Doesn’t mean we didn’t eat only pasta for a week or found out how often you need to wash really to always have clean underwear. But we were able to survive on our own and figure it out. And our parents supported us to be self sufficient and trusted their patenting and our abilities. How do we expect women to stand up for themselves when we treat them like babies with no choices for decades? How do we teach real consent to boys and girls if we make all the important choices for them and don’t take their wishes/ideas/opinions into consideration or force them even about really inconsequential stuff. 
I feel very privileged to have had such an upbringing. My parents weren’t perfect. And there are patterns I really try to not repeat but I know many people have a much rougher start. That’s why I think it’s sad that parents that could (because they and their child are mentally, physically and economically in the position to do so), choose to act as if their 16year old is not able to get dressed or have a house chore or decide what they should do in their free time. 
Before I ramble on….. @Tdoc72 I am sure your children will feel as lucky as I did when they look back. 

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Posted (edited)

Starting with Community College and transferring in is a great option for children that don't test well (SAT/ACT) and/or have special needs. In my experience they have learned to advocate for themselves at the office of disability and were able to use these skills when they transferred to where they wanted to graduate from.

Edited by WiseGirl
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I grew up in the same city as my state's flagship university.  When I started attending that school, I lived in the dorm for the first year.  My dorm roommate was difficult.  Afterwards, I decided to move home for sophomore year.  The university was less than 10 miles from my parent's house.  Since I was in college, they treated me as an adult, and didn't try to give me a curfew, judge my activities, etc., since I was a responsible student and also had a part-time job.  I let them know when I wouldn't be home at night so that they wouldn't worry, but I had the freedom to make my own decisions. I had friends who had apartments and dorm rooms, and I would occasionally crash with them when I didn't feel like driving home or when I wasn't in good shape to do so. It was convenient to live at home because I didn't have to worry about groceries and food (my parents didn't have set meal times - we just ate whenever we wanted), laundry, paying bills, etc.  And of course, I saved a ton of money and didn't have any debt when I graduated.  After graduation, I accepted a job and moved to another state, and didn't have any problems being truly on my own for the first time. So, I think that living with your parents while in college can work, but only if the relationship is good.

 

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On 6/1/2021 at 11:55 AM, HeartsAFundie said:

Not only fundies are guilty of that.  My MIL did that to her kids.  Her mantra was "I don't do cars and I don't do college".  My husband was never encouraged to go past high school and until he got the job he retired from after staying for 33 years, only worked minimum wage jobs; his older sister went to college for one year, dropped out and worked in a factory from age 18-50, only leaving because the place closed; and his older brother, who also worked menial jobs after high school, put himself through college and after many years of night school, finally got his bachelor's at age 35.  However, he remained with his same employer in the same position.  Ironically, my MIL was an RN and a nursing supervisor so you would think she would value education.  However, she also loves to run the show when it comes to her kids' lives and it would not be in her best interest to have any of her kids become smarter than her, lest she lose control over people who can think for themselves.   Very sad and very stunting.  

 

Yeah, I didn’t mean it was a fundie thing, just a JB and M thing, that they share with a lot of other selfish parents.

I actually know some fundie families that very proudly sent their kids to college. (I mean ordinary fundie, not famous, blogging fundie.)  

 

 

 

 

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13 hours ago, kmachete14 said:

@Audrey2 I totally agree, and I had the same experience. I couldn't imagine spending age 18-22 having to ask for permission to leave the house, having my parents see my mail, deliveries, & store purchases, planning my schedule around my entire family and making sure to check it was okay with my mom, having a curfew, having my diet/meals decided for me, having my attire scrutinized, having my parents judge/meet every acquaintance or date, just in general not being free to CHOOSE what I wanted to do. 

Sure, I would have saved a LOT of money. But those are such formative years and I am so glad I was able to become my own person free from my parents' judgements. And I had good parents!

Moving away for college and spending time in the dorms is what introduced me to different types of people, experiences, ideas, etc. If I commuted to college I would have missed out on all the late-night discussions, parties mixing with new people and music, common sense learning about how to navigate a city at night, learning how to manage my own time and cook, learning who I wanted to be, not just the person I thought my parents wanted to see me as, etc. 

I never want to fall into the Lori Alexander trap that all college debt = bad. It's a case by case scenario. 

I had a very similar experience. I loved my mother, but she was very overprotective. She wouldn’t let me date in high school, and all clothes needed to be modest and approved by her. Unfortunately, we had polar opposite tastes.

I would have gone to the farthest corner of the country if she hadn’t insisted I stay within a certain geographical range. I lived within 30 minutes of a major university that would have been a good fit for me. I didn’t even consider applying there because I would have been expected to live at home. The school I eventually wound up going to was perfect for me (if expensive) and gave me some much-needed independence and exposure to people of different backgrounds in a controlled situation. 

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4 hours ago, crawfishgirl said:

I grew up in the same city as my state's flagship university.  When I started attending that school, I lived in the dorm for the first year.  My dorm roommate was difficult.  Afterwards, I decided to move home for sophomore year.  The university was less than 10 miles from my parent's house.  Since I was in college, they treated me as an adult, and didn't try to give me a curfew, judge my activities, etc., since I was a responsible student and also had a part-time job.  I let them know when I wouldn't be home at night so that they wouldn't worry, but I had the freedom to make my own decisions. I had friends who had apartments and dorm rooms, and I would occasionally crash with them when I didn't feel like driving home or when I wasn't in good shape to do so. It was convenient to live at home because I didn't have to worry about groceries and food (my parents didn't have set meal times - we just ate whenever we wanted), laundry, paying bills, etc.  And of course, I saved a ton of money and didn't have any debt when I graduated.  After graduation, I accepted a job and moved to another state, and didn't have any problems being truly on my own for the first time. So, I think that living with your parents while in college can work, but only if the relationship is good.

 

As a mom with kids who live at home while in college I completely agree.  I treat them like adults in that I'm here if they need me, but I don't pry into their personal lives or tell them how to live.

Well, maybe not exactly like just any adults because I wouldn't let just anyone live in my house rent free and buy their groceries... :) But if you have a good relationship and can treat each other as adults it can definitely work.  

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I lived at home while at university (different system in Aus so I’m not even going to attempt to delve in to the CC, 4yr, honours, masters thing that you have) and deliberately picked the closest one that I could get to by bus, after spending an hour each way on the train every day to get to high school. I was also 17 when I started, but my parents’ rules were basically “as long as we know what time to expect you home and whether we should save you some dinner, you’re responsible for yourself”. I had a part time job, paid for things like buying my own clothes and buying or making my own lunches, bought my first car and paid the insurance etc, made my own doctors and dentists appointments, wore what I wanted. I did not pay rent or my uni fees, my parents did. It was a bit of an adult housemate relationship in that they just wanted to know I was safe and be able to contact me if I wasn’t home, but there were no rules about when I had to be home. 

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1 hour ago, Smee said:

I lived at home while at university (different system in Aus so I’m not even going to attempt to delve in to the CC, 4yr, honours, masters thing that you have) and deliberately picked the closest one that I could get to by bus, after spending an hour each way on the train every day to get to high school. I was also 17 when I started, but my parents’ rules were basically “as long as we know what time to expect you home and whether we should save you some dinner, you’re responsible for yourself”. I had a part time job, paid for things like buying my own clothes and buying or making my own lunches, bought my first car and paid the insurance etc, made my own doctors and dentists appointments, wore what I wanted. I did not pay rent or my uni fees, my parents did. It was a bit of an adult housemate relationship in that they just wanted to know I was safe and be able to contact me if I wasn’t home, but there were no rules about when I had to be home. 

I hope to have something similar with my daughter. Though I may be more enquiring about where she is and who she is with. Though it would be her choice as an adult. I would just want to know that she is safe. And if she wasn’t coming home I would want her to text me to tell me she had safely gotten to bed wherever she was staying after being out. My daughter is five so it’s a long way off and I may get more relaxed as she goes. At the moment it’s hard for me to imagine not knowing where my child is at all times. 

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Posted (edited)
16 hours ago, crawfishgirl said:

I grew up in the same city as my state's flagship university.  When I started attending that school, I lived in the dorm for the first year.  My dorm roommate was difficult.  Afterwards, I decided to move home for sophomore year.  The university was less than 10 miles from my parent's house.  Since I was in college, they treated me as an adult, and didn't try to give me a curfew, judge my activities, etc., since I was a responsible student and also had a part-time job.  I let them know when I wouldn't be home at night so that they wouldn't worry, but I had the freedom to make my own decisions. I had friends who had apartments and dorm rooms, and I would occasionally crash with them when I didn't feel like driving home or when I wasn't in good shape to do so. It was convenient to live at home because I didn't have to worry about groceries and food (my parents didn't have set meal times - we just ate whenever we wanted), laundry, paying bills, etc.  And of course, I saved a ton of money and didn't have any debt when I graduated.  After graduation, I accepted a job and moved to another state, and didn't have any problems being truly on my own for the first time. So, I think that living with your parents while in college can work, but only if the relationship is good.

 

This was pretty much how it was for me.

I moved away during my first year and stuck out living there for the first couple of years, but ended up going home a lot because I wasn't coping well. I deliberately picked a university further from home to 'force' myself to adapt, and it backfired. Turns out that trying to force yourself into something you'd always found difficult at age 18 with no support is difficult, who knew! I was lonely and depressed and really struggled to make the transition. Maybe I could've done it with more mental health and social support, but I didn't know that at the time.

If I had my time over again I would have chosen a university closer to home and not tried to do too much, too soon.

Edited by seraaa
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My coworker is post college, but early 20's, and recently bought a house. Her traditional/conservative parents are here visiting, and she and her boyfriend fell asleep cuddling and he spent that night over. In her own damn home, her mom didn't speak to her for a day because of this situation.

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In the early 80s, when I graduated from high school,  most kids had three post-secondary options, all which involved commuting: 1.  The community college right in town;  2.  The state university 12 miles away; and 3.  A state college 25 miles away.   Admittedly some kids did go away to school including to the state college 25 miles away, but those that did were either wealthier than most or received good scholarships including room and board.  I knew one person that lived in town and boarded at the state university 12 miles away, but he was in the top 10 of his class and received a full ride.  Also, he had more space in the dorm because he shared a tiny bedroom at home with 2 younger brothers.  So basically, college in my area was like grades 13-17 if you chose any one of those three options (and most did) because you saw plenty of familiar faces right along with you; which depending on your viewpoint, was either a blessing or a curse.  

I took Option 2 and commuted to the state university 12 miles away.   I'm not sorry that I did that because as my parents explained to me, that was the best way for them to provide any type of meaningful financial assistance.  Neither one went past high school and wanted better for both myself and my younger sister, who took Option 1 and chose the in-town community college.  And again, since practically everybody else we knew was commuting to college for the same reason-financial issues-we honestly didn't know any better and really didn't have that big of a desire to live away.     

In contrast, my son had absolutely no desire to apply to any of our area's "Big 3" due to the familiarity issues and chose instead to attend a state college 90 miles away, because he did not want to run into anyone he knew and completely wanted a blank slate.  He actually received a very decent financial aid package from a state college 60 miles away but when he learned five others from his graduating class were attending that particular school, it was immediately off the table.  He graduated with only 11K in debt-which is now paid off due to his moving back home after graduation and saving money- and just moved into his own apartment over Memorial Day weekend-with his girlfriend he met at school.  He has no regrets whatsoever about his choice.

Edited by HeartsAFundie
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And here I am reading all of this with my Finnish bubble of free higher education... I haven't even paid a dime on books, since our lecturers have just scanned relevant articles and even complete books for us to read, plus libraries having plenty good amounts of resources. Fucking hell, USA, fucking hell... Just stop funding the military so much and move the funds to provide free or extremely low cost uni education...

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3 hours ago, finnlassie said:

And here I am reading all of this with my Finnish bubble of free higher education... I haven't even paid a dime on books, since our lecturers have just scanned relevant articles and even complete books for us to read, plus libraries having plenty good amounts of resources. Fucking hell, USA, fucking hell... Just stop funding the military so much and move the funds to provide free or extremely low cost uni education...

You don't even want to know the rhetoric that gets shouted out when those things get suggested. Ugh.

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On 6/7/2021 at 7:39 PM, Audrey2 said:

I dearly love my parents, but looking back, they were quite controlling. When I was looking at colleges, my parents said I could go up to 200 miles away. My school was 194.2 miles from our driveway. My Dad then tried the " You can only come home Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Spring Break." talk. I said, "Cool, sign me up."

Looking back, I also realized how controlling my parents were, in spite of looking like they were giving me options.  But honestly, they wanted me to have skin in the game by being the adult in working my way through college and at the same time, still keeping me tied to home as if I was still a kid. 

When I went to college, I lived in a large metro area there were quite a few colleges in the local area, and quite a few catering to commuter students.  Because of that, it wasn't unusual for students to live at home while attending.   The one time I raised the possibility of going away to a college approximately 150 miles away, my parents shut it down, no reasons given, I wasn't going.   And this was a college that was afilliated with our church denomination so I was surprised at their objection. 

I ended up attending a private university while holding down a part time job to pay for tuition.  My parents chipped in half of the tuition, I paid the other half plus any fees.    I stayed home during this time, but honestly I spent most of those four years either at school or at work.  In the summers, I worked full time.   In some respects it taught me a lot as far as managing my time and my money but at the same time, I would have liked to have had the experience of going away, to be on my own, learn to live with other students, decided if I was going to go somewhere without having to get approval or "check in" or have my spare time taken up with various "parental requirements" (example: I must attend family function in spite of the fact I have a paper due) that conflicted with school work.   I view my experience as kind of "half and half" and when I graduated, I had a very clear goal of moving out.  And I did less than 2 years later, much to the consternation of my parents.

I knew students who lived on campus and some of them managed quite well independently and others were still kids, with parents helicoptering the hell of them.    It was really a mixed bag.    So when one of my coworkers made the statement to me "students like you should go away to school, it makes them more independent", my answer was "from what I see, it ain't necessarily so".  It really does vary depending on the student and also the parent.

 

 

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7 years and only 2 kids...and yes, it's sort of surprising that Jill has come the furthest out from the toxic beliefs she was raised with...I know there's still more in there but who'da thunk that she'd actually have a kid enrolled in public schools? 

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On 6/6/2021 at 1:21 AM, Tdoc72 said:

Also the FAFSA is awful, especially as a recently widowed parent. They said not to include my husbands income but our jointly filed taxes do not separate everything out.  I tried my best but still think I did them wrong. I’m not asking for or expecting any money so I think it’s dumb I even had to do it. 

I'm sorry for your loss.

The FAFSA can blow. Call the finaid office. They can ensure the income is separated out properly. The FAFSA is the key to all federal (and most state) aid, grants, loans and work-study funds. Also, most schools will use FAFSA results as one of many factors in how to distribute internal scholarship and grants.

For anyone who is making less in 2021 then they did in 2019 (the taxes you will put on a 2021-22 FAFSA), call your finaid office. They can perform a professional judgment to adjust your FAFSA info to accurately reflect your situation now... it is PiTA to collect enough documentation for their auditors so do expect it to be a little frustrating but hang with it!

On 6/6/2021 at 7:36 AM, clueliss said:

I went to college in the 80s and tried to convince my mom to file separately because the joint returns meant my stepfather’s inc8me was included in my financial aid calculations.....

My advice to any parent who is remarried or in other different marriage states (like the one above) is file separately.

No clue how it worked in the 80s but since at least the 90s, step-parent info is included on the FAFSA regardless of tax filing status. You would use the parent (+spouse if applicable) that you live with most in case of biological parents not living together. 

There are FAFSA changes coming but they recently announced they wont be effective until 2023-24.

Edited by TheWayTheWorldWorks
Lol 3021-22 school year is WAY off.
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20 hours ago, feministxtian said:

7 years and only 2 kids...and yes, it's sort of surprising that Jill has come the furthest out from the toxic beliefs she was raised with...I know there's still more in there but who'da thunk that she'd actually have a kid enrolled in public schools? 

The kids I taught at Christian school who chugged the kool-aid and preached it to the rest the most are the ones who are no longer evangelical.  A lot of the ones who rebelled against it all then are hardcore now. 

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