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Dillards 89: I'd Watch a Netflix Xpecial and so Would My Mom


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Knight of Ni

Everything I need to know about being a lawyer I learned from "My Cousin Vinny".

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I'm so very lucky in my life. However, I was very sad that I just defended my PhD in March (yay!!) but it was all virtual (fine), and there was no hooding or graduation. Additionally, my postdoc fell

Well good for him- and it’s not often I say that about Derick. Those clinics are a good way to hone your skills, meet real clients and how to work with them and help those who’d struggle to afford a l

There definitely is a "gender agenda " or whatever term other posters used. Its the agenda of forcing gender roles on newborns just because they were born with certain genitals. I just had a baby

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AussieKrissy

Jill has a new story up and girl is rocking her swim suits. She is looking super toned. Non fundie modest suits her. As someone (a chubby ginger). I need more coverage so other than the skirt and skort one (which  personally is a bit Nannaish for my taste) I find her outfits something I would wear. I would even be more modest than her because no way would I bare even more skin in a singlet top. She looks super healthy way to go Jill. You shill your shit. You ain’t hurtin no one. 

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MaryOrMartha

I agree @AussieKrissy, Jill looks fantastic and so happy in the pics. I particularly love her in the board shorts and black tank.

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ofMatthew

I'm hoping that Derick will work for Legal Aid of Arkansas or another LSC organization.

I used to work at a Legal Aid organization in the IT department. It was hands down my favorite job ever and very eye opening even for me, and I was already pretty darn liberal. I met some amazing attorneys there that truly believed in the mission, meaning they didn't become attorneys for the money. They focus on having diverse staff members, some were former clients. Derick and Jill by extension would benefit greatly from that environment.

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Cam

Jill’s photos look great. I think the average woman her age wants to dress like that for a day at the pool or beach. You know. Sporty. Normal. Not obsessed that some male is going to have an impure thought because he sees a woman’s ankle. Or thigh. Or shoulder.

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HerNameIsBuffy
5 minutes ago, Cam said:

Jill’s photos look great. I think the average woman her age wants to dress like that for a day at the pool or beach. You know. Sporty. Normal. Not obsessed that some male is going to have an impure thought because he sees a woman’s ankle. Or thigh. Or shoulder.

I agree.  I also wish this type of swim wear was popular when my kids were small.  Seemed like my only choices were regular suits I was always afraid of falling out of when chasing little ones, or matronly skirted things popular with seniors.

Also love the hat.  I have such a thing for hats and look terrible in them, if I looked cute in hats I'd wear one every day.  

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libgirl2
1 hour ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I agree.  I also wish this type of swim wear was popular when my kids were small.  Seemed like my only choices were regular suits I was always afraid of falling out of when chasing little ones, or matronly skirted things popular with seniors.

Also love the hat.  I have such a thing for hats and look terrible in them, if I looked cute in hats I'd wear one every day.  

I have worn skirted ones for years but I have always tried to pick out super cute ones. I loved the one I had, black with small polka dots..... I wore it to an amusement park one day as a "mini" dress. The one I have now is black and white flowers.  Most of the ones I see do look a too matronly but the selections have improved over the last few years. 

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ADoyle90815

I'd have to say that my favorite of those swimsuits is the tank and board shorts as that's something I would definitely wear.

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Cam
Posted (edited)

It seems a lot of swimsuit makers “think” women want the sexy look in bathing suits. Some women want it, which is fine, but there are tons of women who prefer a sporty look, often because they ARE chasing after and keeping up with kids at the pool or beach, which is a sport in itself! Moms want to be able to bend, stretch, reach, twist, turn and even run if necessary, without the butt or the boobs popping out of the beach wear. Women who aren’t moms want that, too! 

Edited by Cam
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takers401
1 hour ago, Cam said:

It seems a lot of swimsuit makers “think” women want the sexy look in bathing suits. Some women want it, which is fine, but there are tons of women who prefer a sporty look, often because they ARE chasing after and keeping up with kids at the pool or beach, which is a sport in itself! Moms want to be able to bend, stretch, reach, twist, turn and even run if necessary, without the butt or the boobs popping out of the beach wear. Women who aren’t moms want that, too! 

Your comment reminded me of this video. Best line is at the end!

I Mom So Hard - swimsuits

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Satan'sFortress

This is the most leg-humpy I have ever been, but here goes:  She really does look good. I am happy for her. I might even like her a little bit. And either she hides things really well, or somehow the Josh stuff has been cathartic for her?? Or maybe it is having Derrick out of law school? Whatever--she looks incredibly happy and healthy. I covet the hell out of her hair--it is so thick. Joy commented that she looked beautiful, which was nice to see, considering their prior close relationship. I need to go somewhere and have a long, deep snark now.

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Cam

Could it be that with the recent charges against Josh, it helps confirm to Jill that her pull away from the family has been the right move? That sticking with her own plan, her own intuition, living her own life free from JB’s control has been the right move? And now we’re seeing a more reassured Jill in the photos? 

Will other sisters venture away from the fundy Duggar lifestyle like Jill? It seems Jinger tests the boundaries a bit, tho both she and Jill are in marriages where it seems the man is the indisputable head of the household calling the shots. But still, a less restrictive environment than living with JB.

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Cam
4 hours ago, takers401 said:

Your comment reminded me of this video. Best line is at the end!

I Mom So Hard - swimsuits

Oh oh oh! Hahahahaha! So much this video! Totally nails it! Thanks for the great laugh!!!

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purple_summer
2 hours ago, Satan'sFortress said:

This is the most leg-humpy I have ever been, but here goes:  She really does look good. I am happy for her. I might even like her a little bit. And either she hides things really well, or somehow the Josh stuff has been cathartic for her?? Or maybe it is having Derrick out of law school? Whatever--she looks incredibly happy and healthy. I covet the hell out of her hair--it is so thick. Joy commented that she looked beautiful, which was nice to see, considering their prior close relationship. I need to go somewhere and have a long, deep snark now.

I think Jill is feeling pretty confident that she’s made the right choices for her family, and she’s probably glad she isn’t so intertwined with the mess right now. 
 

Joy’s comment kind of struck me as an olive branch. Like “we’ve had some gnarly fights and said some not so great things but none of that matters now and I’m sorry”. In the way that siblings/families tend to make up. Maybe I’m projecting lol

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feministxtian

I don't think Derick is the "head of the household" in a forceful way. I watched a couple of their YouTube videos and I didn't get the "I'm in charge" vibe from him. I think they're more egalitarian than they'll admit. Jill does look happy, content in her skin. I covet the hell out of her hair too. I think they're the ones who are on a much healthier lifestyle track. I did watch the one video where they talked about going into couples' therapy and I have to say they sounded very pro-therapy. I'm glad they did it, they went public about it, 

 

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grandmadugger

I too think Derrick and Jill have a egalitarian relationship NOW. I do think that there have been times that Derrick put his foot down but not in the typical fundie hubby fashion. I have gotten the sense that Derrick was fairly frustrated in their relationship as the shine of the Duggar family wore off. The meek and submissive wife might have sounded good at first but Derrick strikes me as the type of person that when he asks “what do you think?” He expects a real answer and Jill’s inability to do that probably frustrated him. Im glad that Jill has grown to be comfortable in her own skin. 

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feministxtian
58 minutes ago, grandmadugger said:

I too think Derrick and Jill have a egalitarian relationship NOW. I do think that there have been times that Derrick put his foot down but not in the typical fundie hubby fashion. I have gotten the sense that Derrick was fairly frustrated in their relationship as the shine of the Duggar family wore off. The meek and submissive wife might have sounded good at first but Derrick strikes me as the type of person that when he asks “what do you think?” He expects a real answer and Jill’s inability to do that probably frustrated him. Im glad that Jill has grown to be comfortable in her own skin. 

I'm watching one of their videos now...and they seem like a "normal" couple. She cuts him off and teases him and openly contradicts him. This isn't a "headship" relationship. She seems very comfortable in herself and her opinions. 

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adidas

I don’t usually talk too much about my past but I need to chime in here, to explain why I have hope for Jill. Obligatory disclaimer: YES they have some very upsetting beliefs. I do not support those beliefs. 

I grew up fundie lite. The journey to being ‘me’ took a long time after marriage but I can see the steps Jill is taking and I hope she keeps growing. She has come a long way. I had my husband’s encouragement and support, and I think Jill does too.

I cringe when I think about some of the thing I used to believe and say aloud. It’s embarrassing! Coming into a self awareness and moving past believing what I’d been told began, for me, in a very similar way to what I see in Jill.

She may disappoint me. But I went from  being an anti-choice, Bush Jnr supporting, ‘the pill causes abortions’ touting, sheltered conservative to someone who makes my Dad shake his head in disbelief when I talk about a woman’s right to choose. It took the patience of some very amazing people to help me see a different perspective, and I’d probably still be stuck there if they’d refused to see those small steps. If they’d told me that my past defined my future. Or, while I was looking to move out of fundie life, that my journey would confine me to my (then) current stance.

Im not saying that Jill is going to start taking BCP, or that Derick will apologise for his comments about Jazz. But I have hope they will move far past the cult and brainwashing Jill grew up with.

I’m glad they’ve come this far. I hope they go further. 

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Jinder Roles

Eh I don't think Derick not being dominant and over-controlling means they no longer believe in headship 

Plenty of mainstream Christians and other non-fundies still believe the man is the head of the household and the spiritual leader who makes the final decisions. 

I'm pretty sure Jill and Derick still abide by that teaching as it's a central tenet of most types of protestant Christianity. 

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Cam
Posted (edited)

Adidas, your personal story impresses me. It seems you’ve come a long way! I’m not quite sure if you mean fundy life when you say fundy lite or if the lite part is a real thing. (If so, I’m not sure what that is). But that you’ve evolved to the extent that you now post on this site is quite a journey. I’m very appreciative of those who lived the fundy life sharing their experiences because it’s truly the most insightful kind to the lifestyle. 

Maybe it is that Jill and Derrick’s relationship also evolves. It may not be totally egalitarian (had to look the word up) but it is definitely far less restrictive than what JB permitted. I also think it’s a generational thing, where Jill and Derrick’s influences have been different than JB/Michele.

That they went to couples therapy and let the public know was a very positive thing.

Sibling relationships evolve, too. I have six so I know a bit about that. Jill’s independence from JB could have been too jarring at first for Joy to accept or understand. Then after awhile as life moves forward, Jill’s actions become more normalized and even expected, so there is more acceptance on the siblings part.  

 

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HerNameIsBuffy
39 minutes ago, Cam said:

Adidas, your personal story impresses me. It seems you’ve come a long way! I’m not quite sure if you mean fundy life when you say fundy lite or if the lite part is a real thing. (If so, I’m not sure what that is). But that you’ve evolved to the extent that you now post on this site is quite a journey. I’m very appreciative of those who lived the fundy life sharing their experiences because it’s truly the most insightful kind to the lifestyle. 

Maybe it is that Jill and Derrick’s relationship also evolves. It may not be totally egalitarian (had to look the word up) but it is definitely far less restrictive than what JB permitted. I also think it’s a generational thing, where Jill and Derrick’s influences have been different than JB/Michele.

That they went to couples therapy and let the public know was a very positive thing.

Sibling relationships evolve, too. I have six so I know a bit about that. Jill’s independence from JB could have been too jarring at first for Joy to accept or understand. Then after awhile as life moves forward, Jill’s actions become more normalized and even expected, so there is more acceptance on the siblings part.  

 

Fundy lite is a term for people who don't have the extreme trappings of fundies, but many of the harmful beliefs.

My mom was fundy lite after leaving the Catholic church.  In her church the women wore pants, could have short hair, could work....kids usually went to Christian or public schools (in my area/era homeschooling wasn't a thing tmk), there were some bigger families but no one was quiverful, there were modesty standards but not to the extreme and not for little ones to my knowledge.  

But if you didn't believe as they did you were bound for hell.  Strong anti-Catholic and other "heathen" sentiment, purity culture strong enough to mess anyone up.  Big on missions even to already Christian countries (don't ask me why they had to raise money for a mission trip to Scotland.  The Scots have heard of Jesus.)

And the modesty stuff was weird.  Like you could wear pants, but all skirts had to be below the knee and I remember one girl getting in big trouble for embarrassing her mom because she wore a pair of flats that showed toe cleavage.  I had NO idea what toe cleavage was or why it was wrong, but apparently its if your shoe is low enough to show the the "cleavage" where your toes meet and that's crazy tempting or something.  Idk, 12 year old me had no idea one's feet could drive men to thoughts of lust but apparently her mom did.  She was as mad as if she showed up to church in a bikini.  

But anecdata aside, fundy lite is a lot of the hate with less of the external weirdness so they blend into society better.  

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Cam
Posted (edited)

Buffy, thanks for explaining Fundy lite. Really, it sounds similar to the charismatic Christians in my area. They sort of blend and yet you can almost always tell which ones they are. 

Toe cleavage is toe-tally bizzaro. 

I feel like some of the moms in the fundy life are so oppressed they take their aggressions out on the kids to the point of cruelty. The moms couldn’t escape so the kids damn well better not, either. And to keep them in the fold, they mess with their minds.

My mom, a devout Catholic, suffered from mental illness. It was cyclical. She’s have a couple years of sanity then go off the deep end, then medication would return her to “normal” for a couple years, she’d stop the meds, go in a downward spiral, rinse and repeat. While ill, she’d say stuff like Christ was the father of her children. She said some damaging things to me as I grew up. She was a woman stuck in the extreme patriarchal 50s and 60s, and I’ll always believe it caused her mental illness. She didn’t see or understand the oppression, but it was there. So she struggled against unseen forces which made her even nuttier. My older sisters had their own kind of cruelty towards me. Sometimes I’m amazed I figured out how to separate myself from their kind of brainwashing.

Edited by Cam
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Alisamer
8 hours ago, Jinder Roles said:

Eh I don't think Derick not being dominant and over-controlling means they no longer believe in headship 

Plenty of mainstream Christians and other non-fundies still believe the man is the head of the household and the spiritual leader who makes the final decisions. 

I'm pretty sure Jill and Derick still abide by that teaching as it's a central tenet of most types of protestant Christianity. 

I grew up in a fundy-lite leaning Southern Baptist church and since Jr. High have attended another Baptist church (that is slowly leaning farther and farther to the liberal side) and I do not ever remember "headship" being taught anywhere. 

I'm sure it's still common, but I'm not sure about the "central tenet" of most protestant denominations part. I think it's a central tenet of IFB and some other more fundamentalist churches, but it's definitely not a thing at any church I've been to on a regular basis. 

In fact my current Baptist church often has more deacons who are women than who are men, including in leadership roles, and there are literally no gender-related rules or policies of any kind. Everyone is equally a member, equally qualified to lead, no restrictions on who can speak behind the pulpit, etc. I think there are likely many churches moving (slowly, for the most part) past the whole headship thing. 

 

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Jinder Roles
5 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

I grew up in a fundy-lite leaning Southern Baptist church and since Jr. High have attended another Baptist church (that is slowly leaning farther and farther to the liberal side) and I do not ever remember "headship" being taught anywhere. 

I'm sure it's still common, but I'm not sure about the "central tenet" of most protestant denominations part. I think it's a central tenet of IFB and some other more fundamentalist churches, but it's definitely not a thing at any church I've been to on a regular basis. 

In fact my current Baptist church often has more deacons who are women than who are men, including in leadership roles, and there are literally no gender-related rules or policies of any kind. Everyone is equally a member, equally qualified to lead, no restrictions on who can speak behind the pulpit, etc. I think there are likely many churches moving (slowly, for the most part) past the whole headship thing. 

 

I guess it depends on how you define headship. I think it’s pretty standard for Christians thinking men are the “spiritual head of the household.” But this scripture is interpreted many ways. 
 

I grew up in a Baptist church that had female deacons and other leaders. Many of the women (young and old) had their own careers and independence. Still, they’d say men are the spiritual heads. They have more women than men in leadership positions currently. 
 

It’s not really emphasized in weekly sermons but it is a teaching they believe in. What that means for each individual couple is different. 
 

I’d also say my home church is more liberal than many of the churches I’ve visited in the U.S. 

Maybe canon might be a better word than central tenet. 

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louisa05
53 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

I grew up in a fundy-lite leaning Southern Baptist church and since Jr. High have attended another Baptist church (that is slowly leaning farther and farther to the liberal side) and I do not ever remember "headship" being taught anywhere. 

I'm sure it's still common, but I'm not sure about the "central tenet" of most protestant denominations part. I think it's a central tenet of IFB and some other more fundamentalist churches, but it's definitely not a thing at any church I've been to on a regular basis. 

In fact my current Baptist church often has more deacons who are women than who are men, including in leadership roles, and there are literally no gender-related rules or policies of any kind. Everyone is equally a member, equally qualified to lead, no restrictions on who can speak behind the pulpit, etc. I think there are likely many churches moving (slowly, for the most part) past the whole headship thing. 

 

I grew up in a variety of mainline Protestant churches and was sent to Catholic school for grades 7-12. I never heard submission or headship taught until I worked at an evangelical/charismatic Christian school after college.  It wasn’t taught on the evangelical church I attended in college either.  As I understand it, the new emphasis of it in American evangelicalism emerged in the 90s along with a new emphasis on purity culture and the introduction of courtship.  
It’s not at all a tenet of all Protestantism. 

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