Dillards 95: Next?

[Father Son Holy Goat]

10 minutes ago, SoSoNosy said:

There is a blogger on youtube who talked about it; she said everybody was there except Anna and her kids.

 

Probably not Jinger either, so the local family. 

[SoSoNosy]

Probably.  She showed a big picture of the balloon release but I didn't look closely.  I was just glad that the family gathered around her when she needed it.  The lady's name was something like Tuff Decisions.

Edited April 25 by SoSoNosy

[Expectopatronus]

It’s 100% none of my business but I’m curious if Anna is distancing herself from the Duggars. Ultimately, moving closer to her family and changing the kids’ last name to Keller would allow for a greater level of privacy and normalcy for herself and the kids. I realize that it is highly unlikely that she would move or change the name. 

[SassyPants]

4 minutes ago, Expectopatronus said:

It’s 100% none of my business but I’m curious if Anna is distancing herself from the Duggars. Ultimately, moving closer to her family and changing the kids’ last name to Keller would allow for a greater level of privacy and normalcy for herself and the kids. I realize that it is highly unlikely that she would move or change the name. 

If Anna and the kids still live in Arkansas I hope they weren’t purposely excluded.

[Giraffe]

3 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

If Anna and the kids still live in Arkansas I hope they weren’t purposely excluded.

Anna may be the one distancing from certain Duggars. With how public Jill has been about going to therapy and other things it wouldn't surprise me if Anna noped out of this. 

[Fundyrunner]

RE: number of c-sections - I've heard of women in Europe being told 2 only; my friend's parents argued that Americans do more and their doctor okayed four. Women in US 4 only. But have met women who have had 5 sections. Two women I know were told at their last c-section (3rd and 5th) that their uterus was at the point of rupture and advised them to not have any more pregnancies. My point is it's very individual and a doctors should consider individual circumstances.

[dawn9476]

People on Reddit think Joy wasn't there, which is understandable since she went through something similar. Going to something like that would probably just bring all that pain back up.

[viii]

9 hours ago, dawn9476 said:

People on Reddit think Joy wasn't there, which is understandable since she went through something similar. Going to something like that would probably just bring all that pain back up.

I don't think I'd find it understandable if it was me. I'd side-eye my sister if she didn't attend my child's funeral, especially knowing how deep the grief is. I would hope that my sister would be there for me, since she would be able to relate the most. 

I understand how some trauma can be triggering, but I also think there comes a point where we need to be there for loved ones. If Joy had just lost her daughter within the last year, that might have been a different story. 

It's a fine line between protecting yourself and supporting loved ones. 

[HeartsAFundie]

I saw Michelle standing next to Jill in one of the pre-balloon release photos.  Also spotted a front view of Israel standing next to Derick. 

Izzy, Sam and Freddy all wore pink polos and tan pants, presumably for Isla which I thought was a very nice touch. 

Edited April 25 by HeartsAFundie

[Mama Mia]

3 minutes ago, viii said:

I don't think I'd find it understandable if it was me. I'd side-eye my sister if she didn't attend my child's funeral, especially knowing how deep the grief is. I would hope that my sister would be there for me, since she would be able to relate the most. 

I understand how some trauma can be triggering, but I also think there comes a point where we need to be there for loved ones. If Joy had just lost her daughter within the last year, that might have been a different story. 

It's a fine line between protecting yourself and supporting loved ones. 

I don’t know. I think I’d understand if it was just too much for her to handle. Everyone is different. And it’s not like she doesn’t have multiple other sisters and her mom there. As well as brothers, in-laws, friends, etc…..If Joy was her sole support it might be different. 

It also might just be that Joy had the stomach flu or some other normal reason. Or a kid had to go to the ER for a fall , or one of the kids was having a meltdown cause they were scared of balloons so she took them somewhere else during the release,  I think with that huge a family it would be difficult to get everyone in one spot  for anything. Especially when so many have little kids. 
 

 

[Cam]

1 hour ago, viii said:

I don't think I'd find it understandable if it was me. I'd side-eye my sister if she didn't attend my child's funeral, especially knowing how deep the grief is. I would hope that my sister would be there for me, since she would be able to relate the most. 

I understand how some trauma can be triggering, but I also think there comes a point where we need to be there for loved ones. If Joy had just lost her daughter within the last year, that might have been a different story. 

It's a fine line between protecting yourself and supporting loved ones. 

We don’t know what goes on behind the scenes. Joy may have had a conversation with Jill on the phone discussing why she might not be able to attend and offer her condolences that way. Maybe even with a promise to get together soon in a more private manner.

My brother suffered a devastating family loss. Most of our other family members went to the funeral. I was unable to attend due to extenuating circumstances. My other sister was out of town. When she returned a couple weeks later. she, I and our husbands took the three hour trip to visit Brother taking huge amounts of food and spending all day with him. It was very meaningful.

 

55 minutes ago, Mama Mia said:

It also might just be that Joy had the stomach flu or some other normal reason. Or a kid had to go to the ER 
 

Definitely a possibility. I was thinking what if her kid(s) had pink eye or something.
 

Edited April 25 by Cam

[RebeccaRay]

15 hours ago, SoSoNosy said:

Probably.  She showed a big picture of the balloon release but I didn't look closely.  I was just glad that the family gathered around her when she needed it.  The lady's name was something like Tuff Decisions.

She's just as good of a source as wacb

[viii]

True, we don't know what goes on behind the scenes, and perhaps I'm projecting a little.

I had two friends that were best friends and had been since elementary school. So they had years of deep, solid friendship. They were both in each other's weddings, etc. Friend A got pregnant and Friend B threw her a massive baby shower. Everyone was so excited. Friend A gave birth at 39 weeks to a stillborn daughter. Entire friend group was devastated for her and did everything we could to support her. Two years after the loss, Friend A went on to have another child, this one a boy. Friend B threw another baby shower (this time after he had already arrived) and everyone was so happy. Two years later, Friend B gets pregnant. Friend A starts to get a little cagey. Doesn't know if she'll come to the shower, let alone throw it. Friend B finds out she's having a daughter and tells Friend A before the shower so she isn't surprised by it. Friend A is furious that Friend B is having a daughter and cuts her out cold turkey. Never speaks to her again. Removes herself completely from the friend group and tells everyone that we weren't supportive of her loss and it was incredibly insensitive for Friend B to have a baby shower for her daughter when Friend A never got to raise her daughter. 

Soooo.... I understand situations like this can be tricky. I understood Friend A was hurt but I also thought Friend A was a bad friend for not being happy for Friend B for something she can't control (ie the sex of her unborn baby). This is what I mean by it's a fine line between protecting yourself but also sometimes having to put your own issues aside to support a love one. 

[Mama Mia]

15 minutes ago, viii said:

True, we don't know what goes on behind the scenes, and perhaps I'm projecting a little.

I had two friends that were best friends and had been since elementary school. So they had years of deep, solid friendship. They were both in each other's weddings, etc. Friend A got pregnant and Friend B threw her a massive baby shower. Everyone was so excited. Friend A gave birth at 39 weeks to a stillborn daughter. Entire friend group was devastated for her and did everything we could to support her. Two years after the loss, Friend A went on to have another child, this one a boy. Friend B threw another baby shower (this time after he had already arrived) and everyone was so happy. Two years later, Friend B gets pregnant. Friend A starts to get a little cagey. Doesn't know if she'll come to the shower, let alone throw it. Friend B finds out she's having a daughter and tells Friend A before the shower so she isn't surprised by it. Friend A is furious that Friend B is having a daughter and cuts her out cold turkey. Never speaks to her again. Removes herself completely from the friend group and tells everyone that we weren't supportive of her loss and it was incredibly insensitive for Friend B to have a baby shower for her daughter when Friend A never got to raise her daughter. 

Soooo.... I understand situations like this can be tricky. I understood Friend A was hurt but I also thought Friend A was a bad friend for not being happy for Friend B for something she can't control (ie the sex of her unborn baby). This is what I mean by it's a fine line between protecting yourself but also sometimes having to put your own issues aside to support a love one. 

Wow. That’s a really extreme reaction! I hope friend A got therapy or something. I could see not being able to handle throwing the baby shower, even explaining to friend B that it was just too raw and emotional for her to participate — but to completely cut her off as a friend and think it was insensitive for her friend to even celebrate? That’s showing some really deep issues. And if she already has a child, she’s bound to come across little girls at play groups, the park, school - she realistically can’t isolate herself from that….

[viii]

3 minutes ago, Mama Mia said:

Wow. That’s a really extreme reaction! I hope friend A got therapy or something. I could see not being able to handle throwing the baby shower, even explaining to friend B that it was just too raw and emotional for her to participate — but to completely cut her off as a friend and think it was insensitive for her friend to even celebrate? That’s showing some really deep issues. And if she already has a child, she’s bound to come across little girls at play groups, the park, school - she realistically can’t isolate herself from that….

She never got therapy and actually had major issues with her own sister while she was pregnant. Once her sister had a boy, they were best of friends again. So unhealthy. I heard through the grapevine a few years ago that she had a second child and had a daughter. Now she acts like life is amazing and her family is complete. She still mentions her first daughter a lot (rightfully so), but I'm really hopeful that she doesn't compare her living daughter to her first daughter. 

[Coconut Flan]

That was a dreadfully extreme reaction and yes therapy needing or she's among the 1 percent of most selfish people on earth.  Joy has PPD and is getting therapy.  I can see where she mighht not go to the funeral, but support Jill in other ways.  

[Giraffe]

It's also possible Joy was there and requested not to be photographed. 

[justmy2cents]

I think Joy is one of the siblings that was critical of Jill when she pulled away from the family the way she did, and they may not have much of a relationship right now. Don’t see any interaction on social media, though I know we don’t see everything. That would be a shame if that was the case, especially since Jill was there for Joy when Joy lost Annabelle. 

[Mama Mia]

2 hours ago, justmy2cents said:

I think Joy is one of the siblings that was critical of Jill when she pulled away from the family the way she did, and they may not have much of a relationship right now. Don’t see any interaction on social media, though I know we don’t see everything. That would be a shame if that was the case, especially since Jill was there for Joy when Joy lost Annabelle. 

Joy commented on the IG post. Saying she was heartbroken for them or similar. She comments occasionally, the usual “ how cute” about a kid pic or whatever.  All the married daughters seem supportive of each other.  I don’t think we can really judge off social media interaction, or even photos together. They are all busy, with lots of small children, and most of the events we get photos of are crowded with not everyone present necessarily in the picture. They may text or send each other funny memes or get together for coffee and we know nothing about it. 

Edited April 25 by Mama Mia

[Father Son Holy Goat]

4 hours ago, justmy2cents said:

I think Joy is one of the siblings that was critical of Jill when she pulled away from the family the way she did, and they may not have much of a relationship right now. Don’t see any interaction on social media, though I know we don’t see everything. That would be a shame if that was the case, especially since Jill was there for Joy when Joy lost Annabelle. 

Jill was parentified and forced to provide parental like care for Joy. That adds a level of complexity to everything. 

[Mama Mia]

17 hours ago, Father Son Holy Goat said:

Jill was parentified and forced to provide parental like care for Joy. That adds a level of complexity to everything. 

That, and even if Joy wasn’t the first official “ little buddy” in their system - 6 1/2 years can be a pretty big gap - especially when there are a ton of both older, younger and middle siblings. And given Jill being a more nurturing, super responsible type, and Joy being an active rough and tumble child - the difference probably felt even bigger. 
 

Edited April 26 by Mama Mia

[dawn9476]

It looks like joy may not have been there because of health problems with their family. They went camping with Austin's family and had a terrible time. Austin had breathing issues because of his Asthma. Gideon was also having breathing issues, which was officially diagnosed as Asthma when Joy took him to the doctor when they got back. The baby was cutting a tooth, which it why he was being fussy. I think joy had her own allergy issues because of all pollen. All the pollen may have made the baby fussy, too, in addition to him cutting a tooth. I guess they picked the wrong weekend to go because they go camping a lot and seem to always have a good time..

Edited April 26 by dawn9476

[marmalade]

On 4/25/2024 at 11:41 AM, Giraffe said:

It's also possible Joy was there and requested not to be photographed. 

But camera shy Josiah's family was seen, including little Ezra. 

I think that the explanation of the camping trip sounds more plausible.

Edited April 27 by marmalade

[PennySycamore]

I have just been catching up one this thread.

My heart breaks for the Jill and Derick. 

 Ethel Kennedy did, indeed, have 9 c-sections, but most Obs would find that foolish.  My first OB told me that I should not have more than 3 cesareans and I did not.  My first three were born by c-section as my first three were big - 9.5, 91, and 8.13.  I switched doctors between second and third babies and my new OB told me on my way to the recovery room that I would have no problem with an 8 pounder.  I did have a minor separation of my old scar with that labor.  I did have a premie in '87 and she was born vaginally as was my fifth  who weighed exactly 8 pounds.

@GutenbergGirl,  my premie, Katherine, was born at about the same gestational age as your baby.  Katherine's eyes were sealed for about 2 weeks after she was born, but she weighed 900 grams.  Unfortunately,  she died at 11 months due to complications of prematurity.  The NICU staff decided that Katherine's gestational age was probably 26 weeks, but maybe as early as 24 weeks.  Our NICu was pretty advanced for the late 80s, but they still can't save babies much younger than 26 weeks. Outcomes have improved,  but there's  limit to how early babies can be saved.  I'm sorry that you lost your baby. 

[AussieKrissy]

On 4/25/2024 at 9:04 AM, Mama Mia said:

The anti-balloon people who rage on people’s funeral posts are the absolute worst category of people. 

The funeral looked very sweet. You could tell she was very much wanted and that Jill was getting a lot of support. 
 

 

Ballon releases make me rage. I wisely and respectfully keep my mouth shut and fingers off the keyboards. Because, you know, time and place….
occasionally in conversations in groups I will raise the topic and mention how bad it is for the environment and would never want it or do it. I figure if I influence one person to not do it and they influence one person not to do it etc There can be change. 
planting the seed of change in someone’s mind allowing them to remember (in a time of grief when they are searching for a suitable, achievable, inexpensive and lovely way to remember a loved one) that maybe a ballon release is not the best idea is about the best I can hope for.