Dillards 81: Volunteering for God

[Arkfundy]

Anna posted pics of the family Christmas party...I didn’t see Jill or her family.

It has to hurt her to see these pictures. Even if she is slowly seeing the err in her raising, that’s still her family. She frequently comments on siblings posts, which leaves the impression she is in a good place or at least no hard feelings towards them.  

[Glasgowghirl]

5 minutes ago, Arkfundy said:

Anna posted pics of the family Christmas party...I didn’t see Jill or her family.

It has to hurt her to see these pictures. Even if she is slowly seeing the err in her raising, that’s still her family. She frequently comments on siblings posts, which leaves the impression she is in a good place or at least no hard feelings towards them.  

I hope for her, Izzy and Sam's sake that it is her and Derick wanting to things differently and not a massive rift between them. I am far from a fan of Derick but he has shown Jill that she doesn't need to have a massive family and do things the way Jim Bob and Michelle did things to be happy. 

 

[SassyPants]

6 minutes ago, Arkfundy said:

Anna posted pics of the family Christmas party...I didn’t see Jill or her family.

It has to hurt her to see these pictures. Even if she is slowly seeing the err in her raising, that’s still her family. She frequently comments on siblings posts, which leaves the impression she is in a good place or at least no hard feelings towards them.  

The way I see it, ripping off the bandaid is better in the long run. As much as a disagree with Derick’s beliefs and his immature ways, I do think that the Dillards have the best chance for a successful, happy, healthy future life. Derick will have marketable skills either in finance or as a lawyer. It is clear that DD does not want a huge family, which is good because with Jill’s birth history and both of their temperaments, a smaller family is likely better. They are building a bigger village and have an established faith community. I also believe that Derick would support any educational endeavors that Jill might have, and would be willing to send his boys to public or Christian school. Say what you will about DD, he seems to know that Duggarville was not a healthy environment. He also seems to be making sure that his kids have a better, more rounded upbringing. 

[Idlewild]

12 minutes ago, Glasgowghirl said:

I hope for her, Izzy and Sam's sake that it is her and Derick wanting to things differently and not a massive rift between them. I am far from a fan of Derick but he has shown Jill that she doesn't need to have a massive family and do things the way Jim Bob and Michelle did things to be happy. 

 

I hope so too- it looks like it could have been fun for the children (they presumably like these people!).

I get Derick needs to work- I qualified as a lawyer back in the dark ages ( not in the US but I expect it’s similar) and it’s full on- I was single and could shut myself off from the world- I couldn’t imagine doing it with a spouse and small children. But if Jill genuinely doesn’t want to or isn’t invited- that’s pretty huge in my view. 

Edited December 3, 2019 by Idlewild

[Grace]

Has anyone talked about the fact that Jill is using the Children's Storybook Bible with her kids and it's pretty popular amongst Progressive Christians???? I was way more shocked by this than pants or nose rings 

[Eponine]

2 minutes ago, Grace said:

Has anyone talked about the fact that Jill is using the Children's Storybook Bible with her kids and it's pretty popular amongst Progressive Christians???? I was way more shocked by this than pants or nose rings 

Could you elaborate on what the difference is between that and typical fundie kids Bibles or why it's popular among progressive Christians? For us heathens who have no knowledge of such things. That seems potentially really interesting!

[SassyPants]

4 minutes ago, Grace said:

Has anyone talked about the fact that Jill is using the Children's Storybook Bible with her kids and it's pretty popular amongst Progressive Christians???? I was way more shocked by this than pants or nose rings 

We are former Catholics and now practicing UUs, and that is the Bible our daughter reads to her daughter.

[bal maiden]

I have a sneaking suspicion that Jill doesn't know one children's bible from another. It's not like discerning anything beyond 'KJV=good; all others=bad' was in their theological education. 

[Bazinga]

Hmmmm, I've read the story book Bible to my children when they were younger and there was nothing written that seemed highly progressive, other than it is not KJV. Just your typical Bible stories. Jill probably just thinks these are more developmently appropriate for children. Haven't we seen her use quotes that weren't KJV? Is her using a non-KJV Bible anything new? 

[neuroticcat]

It’s not KJV for one thing and us more of a paraphrase than literal translation. Also Jesus and other characters are not lily white. I wouldn’t call it progressive though- seems pretty common among mainstream evangelicals?

[purple_summer]

On 11/30/2019 at 10:57 PM, Meggo said:

Holidays at my husbands house easily have 55 people sitting down for dinner. We use paper plates (and regular bowls for soup for some reason)

because it’s hard to have enough plates for 50+ people. I suggested we pull together a “set” from second hand stores- of all of it and just have that box rotate to whoever is hosting.

nope. 

So, okay...

Yeah I don’t think many fj’ers have been to a true “big” family holiday lol. 
 

Plates/bowls/cups/silverware for 100+ people? Paper please!

[SilverBeach]

4 minutes ago, purple_summer said:

Plates/bowls/cups/silverware for 100+ people? Paper please!

What regular person has a house large enough to hold these many people? Restaurant or banquet hall please! I can't even imagine 50 people and my house and I have five bedrooms.

And yes, I grew up with, have been to, and have hosted many large family gatherings. It is common in my culture. Kind f condescending to say that many of the board members have not. 

[byzant]

On 12/2/2019 at 9:09 PM, Iburneddinner said:

in America here! And our health care system is horrible.  My daughter is recovering from anorexia and our insurance covered NONE of her care?. We paid out of pocket for her therapy, dietician and heavy copays for the Drs appts and tests she had to have plus an ER visit. I had to let bills go past due to make sure she was taken care of.  We got a 2nd mortgage on our house to catch everything up, but another health crisis and we will lose everything. It's a scary feeling

I'm so sorry that's awful.we complain about the nhs but I've had multi inpatient stays plus extensive input from community nurses/dieticians/psychologists and psychiatrist  with mo cost to me or my parents . I try to remember to be grateful everyday to the giverment and society who made it possible for mye to get through it and without debt move on as a productive member of society,( thanks to a lot of intensive treatment !!) 

[purple_summer]

15 minutes ago, SilverBeach said:

What regular person has a house large enough to hold these many people? Restaurant or banquet hall please! I can't even imagine 50 people and my house and I have five bedrooms.

And yes, I grew up with, have been to, and have hosted many large family gatherings. It is common in my culture. Kind f condescending to say that many of the board members have not. 

It’s just that most people say “large family gathering” and mean 20-30 people. That’s like an average weekday to me??‍♀️??‍♀️ And this isn’t even really my extended family- still the core group of siblings and kids. 
 

A few of my relatives specifically bought houses with room to set up folding tables. We did the rental hall thing for a few years but everyone preferred a home to a school gym. It does get tough with the limited number of toilets though?

[SilverBeach]

14 minutes ago, purple_summer said:

It’s just that most people say “large family gathering” and mean 20-30 people.

That is a large family gathering. You have giant, Duggar sized gatherings.  Not typical.

[purple_summer]

34 minutes ago, SilverBeach said:

That is a large family gathering. You have giant, Duggar sized gatherings.  Not typical.

It’s all relative. No pun intended. 

[FleeJanaFree]

I can't believe we are still even having this discussion.

I have little snark towards paper products during the holidays/huge crowds. I have genuine sympathy to those with medical limitations. However, we constantly see the Duggar clan (The TTH in particular- who have eleventy dishwashers and physically able people to wash by hand-) use paper or styrofoam plates for regular meals/small gatherings. That's what people are snarking on, no? Didn't this debate start from Jills Friendsgiving post? There were what under 10ish people there?

Edited December 4, 2019 by FleeJanaFree
grammar

[Xan]

6 minutes ago, FleeJanaFree said:

I can't believe we are still even having this discussion.

I have little snark towards paper products during the holidays/huge crowds. I have genuine sympathy to those with medical limitations. However, we constantly see the Duggar clan (The TTH in particular- who have eleventy dishwashers and physically able people to wash by hand-) use paper or styrofoam plates for regular meals/small gatherings. That's what people are snarking on, no? Didn't this debate start from Jills Friendsgiving post? There were what under 10ish people there?

I agree.  For myself - I don't use paper plates unless I'm hosting a big family gathering and the thought of washing any more plates makes me start feeling stabby.  Other people have good reasons to use disposable dinnerware and I feel like that's everyone's own business.

On the other hand, the Duggars at the main house have, on a regular basis, always been videoed using cheap paper plates, paper bowls, and I think I've seen them using plastic spoons, etc.  It doesn't make any sense.  The have multiple dishwashers and could use plastic dinnerware if they were worried about breakage with all the kids.  I always figured Jim Boob decided that as long as he lived near a landfill, he might as well make use of it.  And Michelle just strikes me as being lazy.  I know we've seen the kids foraging in the kitchen for breakfast.  And some of their family meals featured frozen lasagna.  I guess if Jana or some of the older kids aren't cooking, Michelle doesn't want to break a sweat.  Everyone in that family is able-bodied.  They could wash some dishes and cook regular meals.

They might have changed it up in the recent past but I find them too boring to watch now.

[SassyPants]

The paper plate discussion does NOT apply to:

The ill, disabled, elderly, those with broken water pipes or no water, or the very, very occasional user.

The discussion DOES apply to:

People who are already using far more than their share of the world’s resources , those who have never been shown to eat a meal off a reusable plate and particularly those with more than enough man power, money and at home dishwashers to make better choices. There is NO excuse, other than abject laziness for people like the Duggars to ALWAYS use paper plates.

[carmenp97]

I feel like they should just buy eleventy sets of Corelle, which is almost as indestructible as melamine and certainly more durable than paper, and stop filling the landfill with the styrofoam crap. It’s pretty cheap if you hit the right sale (or “buy used and save the difference”) and would probably save money in two “family night” dinners or less. 

That being said, my family is huge and the Christmas party is easily 100++ people, so no way we would use anything but paper for that. But, that’s a once a year occurrence. And I’m pretty sure the recycling cans are fuller than the trash that night. ?

[Bad Wolf]

@carmenp97We use corelle in our trailer. Wolf boy bought us a set of four twenty years ago for Christmas. He was in college, and it was affordable for him. Still using it.

[Ivycoveredtower]

16 hours ago, Arkfundy said:

Anna posted pics of the family Christmas party...I didn’t see Jill or her family.

It has to hurt her to see these pictures. Even if she is slowly seeing the err in her raising, that’s still her family. She frequently comments on siblings posts, which leaves the impression she is in a good place or at least no hard feelings towards them.  

It's also interesting to note that Jill was not at thanksgiving had a friends giving instead she seems to be hanging out with mainly Amy lately though it is interesting TLC let her be in Jessa's birth episode though honestly jessa made it sound like Jill was the last person she wanted to call but had no choice because everyone else was out of town. On the other hand Jill was just hanging out with Jessa's in laws so who knows and I wonder if she will be featured in grandma Mary's funeral episode.

 

 

[Eponine]

15 hours ago, purple_summer said:

Yeah I don’t think many fj’ers have been to a true “big” family holiday lol. 
 

Plates/bowls/cups/silverware for 100+ people? Paper please!

IDK, our Thanksgiving gathering was about as big as the Duggars' last week, maybe a few more people. Definitely more adults and fewer kids. We use real plates/cups/silverware, and a lot of it - but we are mostly able-bodied adults who aren't lazy, so we are perfectly capable of cleaning up after ourselves and anyone who needs help (kids, elderly, disabled, etc). With that many adults it's not onerous at all to clean plates for that many people - a couple in charge of dishwasher dishes, one bunch in charge of washing plates, etc that don't fit in the dishwasher, and one bunch washing pots, pans, serving dishes, etc.

The ones who regularly host these types of gatherings in my family would never dream of using paper or one-use plasticware because it's just not necessary for our group, and convenience doesn't take precedence over the environment.

**I'm speaking from a place of a LOT of privilege in terms of these family gatherings - the hosting home has a huge kitchen, is run largely by solar power and appliances that are lower-water usage so it's not a huge concern to run the dishwasher several times if necessary. They are in a position to invest a lot of money making their home environmentally friendly, and it's frustrating to me that it requires that kind of time/money investment.

[Meggo]

15 hours ago, SilverBeach said:

What regular person has a house large enough to hold these many people? Restaurant or banquet hall please! I can't even imagine 50 people and my house and I have five bedrooms.

And yes, I grew up with, have been to, and have hosted many large family gatherings. It is common in my culture. Kind f condescending to say that many of the board members have not. 

Well - Thanksgiving and Christmas are generally at a SIL's house who has a walkout basement. And when it's time - they just line up a BUNCH of tables (and some people sit around the pool table). It's pretty packed in there. After dinner (and before) there are people just milling around. If you stand up - you will likely not find that seat when you come back. But there are bodies EVERYWHERE. 

Easter we do at another SILs house because we can spill outside for her party. Sometimes it's at my nieces house and we set up the tables in her garage - and again bodies everywhere. 

I was at Christmas one year - JUST getting over a cold, and I was miserable. I just wanted to sit in a corner and I never got to sit in the same place twice. We left early

And I have asked about a banquet hall - because there is always debate about who had it last, if the SILs are going to come clean that person's house before or after and it's always a "thing". Do it at a hall and that "thing" is removed but no - that's not family-y enough. 

[PennySycamore]

My sister used to host holiday dinners for 20 or 25.  I'd like to host a dinner again for our family,  but it's grown since those days.  The total is now up to 40 (42 if you include my son-in-law's parents.)   I'm wondering if I have enough room.  I'm not worried about the kitchen space, but how it would be to have people spread out in maybe three rooms.

Maybe we should just have a big pizza party sometime during the holiday season.