Dillards 70: Their Behavior Is Always Pretty Weird

[EmmieJ]

2 hours ago, ati_escapee said:

As a parent, WHY??!!

My first thought exactly.  Why?  I don't care of your little boy begged, "mommy, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease let me sit on my chair on your bed!!!!" a million times.  You are supposed to stay calm, explain it's not safe, and then re-direct him to something better, like "no, but you can sit on my bed with your favorite toy and watch with me, or you can put your chair on the floor beside the bed and sit on it."  Two very reasonable choices. 

Oh Jill, I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, but what were you thinking? 

[Audrey2]

1. Jesus will take care of him.

2. If something bad happens, it was God's plan, not ours to understand.

[EmmieJ]

17 minutes ago, Audrey2 said:

1. Jesus will take care of him.

2. If something bad happens, it was God's plan, not ours to understand.

That's fundies for you - always passing the buck for their crap choices onto God.

[Carm_88]

4 hours ago, ati_escapee said:

As a parent, WHY??!!

There is more sense in a cookie then there is in Jill and Derick, combined!

[freealljs]

Not surprised with Jill letting Izzy jump up and down on the bed while on top of a chair.  These are also the parents that allowed their barely 1 year old, Sam, climb onto their dining room table with a toy truck.  

[kmachete14]

Speaking as a teacher:

There is a fine balance between having high expectations, checking your child's work and making them re-do it until it is right, emailing me for questions about assignments, and helping your child organize their backpack 

and doing the assignment for your child. 

However, the worst type is:

The parent that doesn't give a fuck and claims it's because they don't want to be a helicopter parent. No, you are just lazy. Part of being a parent is making sure your child has done their homework, reading over it to make sure they followed directions, keeping them on an after school schedule that includes time to do homework, studying with your child, etc. Not all children have intrinsic motivation -- you HAVE to push them and keep track of them. They might have ADD or executive functioning problems -- you are the parent and you have to help your kid out! Don't let them flounder, become overwhelmed, and miss all value of class time because they aren't prepared day after day because you don't believe in "helicopter parenting." 

 

[xenobia]

Jill posted on their family Blog/FB-page a few hours ago. They are having dinner with friends from Nepal. And D-wreck doesn't have his braces! At least... I don't think he is? 

[feministxtian]

35 minutes ago, kmachete14 said:

he parent that doesn't give a fuck and claims it's because they don't want to be a helicopter parent. No, you are just lazy. Part of being a parent is making sure your child has done their homework, reading over it to make sure they followed directions, keeping them on an after school schedule that includes time to do homework, studying with your child, etc. Not all children have intrinsic motivation -- you HAVE to push them and keep track of them. They might have ADD or executive functioning problems -- you are the parent and you have to help your kid out! Don't let them flounder, become overwhelmed, and miss all value of class time because they aren't prepared day after day because you don't believe in "helicopter parenting." 

There are parents who are sick of fighting with their kid and have chosen to let the child fail. By 8th grade, my kids knew the drill. Did they do their homework? Most of the time they didn't. I was sick of fighting with them to get it done. At that point, they can choose to either do the work and get the grade OR suffer the consequences. I chose to let them suffer the consequences. Shit, I did my time, they saw me study when I went back to school. 

But then again, when I was told "Mrs. Xtian, you need to impress upon "child's name here" the importance of education". I told the school official that THEY needed to keep "child's name" engaged enough in the classroom for him to WANT to go to school. Beyond that (high school level), my suggestion was to chain said child to a desk. They wouldn't. He dropped out. 

[meowfundiecatz]

9 minutes ago, xenobia said:

Jill posted on their family Blog/FB-page a few hours ago. They are having dinner with friends from Nepal. And D-wreck doesn't have his braces! At least... I don't think he is?  

I'm pretty sure they are still there. He just has clear/white brackets.

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

Re Izzy on the bouncing chair bed, yes to everything you all said and to add; has anyone bought a mattress lately?  Well I did and holy crap are they expensive.  I don’t think chair legs on mattresses are a good thing.  I have a strong suspicion the Duggars don’t take care of their things.

[Cheetah]

50 minutes ago, kmachete14 said:

Speaking as a teacher:

There is a fine balance between having high expectations, checking your child's work and making them re-do it until it is right, emailing me for questions about assignments, and helping your child organize their backpack 

and doing the assignment for your child. 

However, the worst type is:

The parent that doesn't give a fuck and claims it's because they don't want to be a helicopter parent. No, you are just lazy. Part of being a parent is making sure your child has done their homework, reading over it to make sure they followed directions, keeping them on an after school schedule that includes time to do homework, studying with your child, etc. Not all children have intrinsic motivation -- you HAVE to push them and keep track of them. They might have ADD or executive functioning problems -- you are the parent and you have to help your kid out! Don't let them flounder, become overwhelmed, and miss all value of class time because they aren't prepared day after day because you don't believe in "helicopter parenting." 

 

What age are you talking about here?  I'll agree with you if you are talking about elementary.   

By middle school I don't think parents should be reading over the homework except for big reports.  I appreciated the teachers who would send home a flyer at the start of a large project (in middle school) that required a parental signature as a 'heads-up' that we needed to be more on top of timelines for it over the next 4-8 weeks and what was expected.  

I do agree it's a fine line.  I like the electronic grade book programs (we had 'school loop' up until this year, now we have 'canvas' which is less good at the grade book aspect although apparently better at other things).   For the teachers that update regularly you can see right away if your child has forgotten to turn something in (or turned it in with no name).   I did have a micromanager mom as a high schooler and I think it set me up poorly to manage my own time later, so I guess that's why I err a bit on the side of being a bit more hands-off.   But that has come back to bite me as well ... not all teachers update the online grade book regularly and my ADHD middle kid managed to not turn in hw for one class for several weeks last year before feeling guilty about it and fessing up (10th grade at the time, btw). 

[kmachete14]

2 hours ago, feministxtian said:

But then again, when I was told "Mrs. Xtian, you need to impress upon "child's name here" the importance of education". I told the school official that THEY needed to keep "child's name" engaged enough in the classroom for him to WANT to go to school. Beyond that (high school level), my suggestion was to chain said child to a desk. They wouldn't. He dropped out. 

How sad. Teachers aren't clowns hired to entertain your child, or security guards hired to restrain them. They are there to teach them. 

It sounds like your child had other issues. Perhaps if every child in the classroom felt the teacher was horrible and didn't want to go to school because of her you'd have a case, but it sounds like you just blamed the teacher for your child's behavioral/emotional issues.

 

2 hours ago, Cheetah said:

What age are you talking about here?  I'll agree with you if you are talking about elementary.   

By middle school I don't think parents should be reading over the homework except for big reports.  I appreciated the teachers who would send home a flyer at the start of a large project (in middle school) that required a parental signature as a 'heads-up' that we needed to be more on top of timelines for it over the next 4-8 weeks and what was expected.  

 

I teach middle school. If your child is getting good grades and you are hearing positive things from the teacher, yes, no need to beat a dead horse (sorry PETA) and waste time looking over the HW unless your child has a question. 

However, if the teacher is constantly telling you your child is missing HW, not turning in assignments, turning in incomplete assignments, losing work, doing poorly on tests, THEN you should probably take on a "micromanager" role for the interim / look further into the reasons behind what's going on! 

[Sky with diamonds]

1 hour ago, Don'tlikekoolaid said:

Re Izzy on the bouncing chair bed, yes to everything you all said and to add; has anyone bought a mattress lately?  Well I did and holy crap are they expensive.  I don’t think chair legs on mattresses are a good thing.  I have a strong suspicion the Duggars don’t take care of their things.

I looked at mattresses, but I didn't end up buying one. Everything seems to be going up these days, even food. 

I don't think the Dillard's take care of their belongings eithier. The chair looks close to the edge...not good and not safe. I can't believe she posted it.

[mpheels]

1 hour ago, feministxtian said:

There are parents who are sick of fighting with their kid and have chosen to let the child fail. By 8th grade, my kids knew the drill. Did they do their homework? Most of the time they didn't. I was sick of fighting with them to get it done. At that point, they can choose to either do the work and get the grade OR suffer the consequences. I chose to let them suffer the consequences. Shit, I did my time, they saw me study when I went back to school. 

But then again, when I was told "Mrs. Xtian, you need to impress upon "child's name here" the importance of education". I told the school official that THEY needed to keep "child's name" engaged enough in the classroom for him to WANT to go to school. Beyond that (high school level), my suggestion was to chain said child to a desk. They wouldn't. He dropped out. 

I was sort of one of those kids. I was/am a quick learner, and got really frustrated with what I saw as “busy work” homework. I was happy to work on long term projects that required planning and critical thinking, but refused to do problem sets for topics I felt I had already mastered. I even tried negotiating with teachers to let me skip homework and just have my final exam determine my grade.* I would lie to my mom, telling her I had already finished everything. When one of my 7th grade teachers told my mom I was going to get a C in the class because of missing homework, my mom said I was old enough to understand and live with the consequences on my behavior. By 9th grade,  was motivated enough by college applications that I started doing the busywork anyway. It all worked out in the end - I went to pretty good schools for undergrad and grad school, and now have a job I love in academia.

*As a teacher at the university level, this is my approach to grading. I use exams and major projects to let students demonstrate mastery of the course material. If they demonstrate mastery by the end of term, they get an A. I use intermediate assignments as “check ups” to see where students are and give them regular feedback. These assignments are graded, but the intermediate grades can only help, not hurt the final grade. It is possible to get an A in my course based on the final alone, but most students find the intermediate projects are helpful for keeping things on track.

[feministxtian]

1 hour ago, kmachete14 said:

How sad. Teacher's aren't clowns hired to entertain your child, or security guards hired to restrain them. They are there to teach them. 

 It sounds like your child had other issues. Perhaps if every child in the classroom felt the teacher was horrible and didn't want to go to school because of her you'd have a case, but it sounds like you just blamed the teacher for your child's behavioral/emotional issues.

 

If the school hadn't been a barely controlled zoo, maybe things would have been better. I lay that on the teachers and administration for not properly applying the rules from the district. 

One kid, IQ in the stratosphere (tested) with ADHD/ASD. School REFUSES to allow me to call a 504 OR an IEP meeting. Refuses to put the child in gifted/AP/IB classes (because of the ADHD/ASD). I had psych reports out the ass...school refused to accept the outside testing/reports and would NOT schedule their own. So, when they called I told them to fuck themselves. 

I didn't want said children to be "entertained", I fully expected them to be EDUCATED. However, the teachers and guidance office/staff WOULD NOT even attempt to work with me. Not a damn bit. One kid got kicked out of class for telling the teacher he was wrong and having references to back it up. One kid dropped out when he'd had enough of the zoo. One kid dropped out when he figured out he was smarter/knew more than teachers who couldn't even write a gramatically correct sentence. 

[HarleyQuinn]

On 12/9/2018 at 9:14 AM, Glasgowghirl said:

I thought it was tomato juice she was giving Izzy or Sam. Still not something I'd give a baby but better than uncooked sauce.

It says " sauce" on the can

 

[Beermeet]

11 minutes ago, HarleyQuinn said:

It says " sauce" on the can

 

I demand an explanation! Canned tomato sauce straight from the can with a straw?!  I literally don't know what to do with myself right now. ??

[kmachete14]

44 minutes ago, mpheels said:

I was sort of one of those kids. I was/am a quick learner, and got really frustrated with what I saw as “busy work” homework. I was happy to work on long term projects that required planning and critical thinking, but refused to do problem sets for topics I felt I had already mastered.

I totally get this . . . I was also a student like this. I could never get away with lying to my parents though because they could check the homework online and then compare to what I had lol 

The problem in K-12 however is that we don't know if you've actually mastered it or not, so if you don't do the homework and then bomb the tests because you didn't actually get it . . . then parents/admin is down our throats. 

I'm glad to see it all worked out for you. It's also different when a student does focus on big assignments/ projects and not leave the class hanging out to dry. I've had students just not do the work that was in preparation for a debate/ Socratic seminar/ presentation/ typing a final draft, etc. Really drags the class down. 

@feministxtian yikes yeah in that case I guess it's just the school system . . . 

[HarleyQuinn]

3 minutes ago, Beermeet said:

I demand an explanation! Canned tomato sauce straight from the can with a straw?!  I literally don't know what to do with myself right now. ??

I think this can simply be summed up with "Jill is dumb."

[singsingsing]

I was what they call 'thrice exceptional' but I prefer to call it the triple threat: gifted + learning disability + ADHD. Completely undiagnosed until I was long out of school. So school was a complete and utter nightmare. Apparently none of my teachers had any idea, even the good ones. By the time I got to high school and my issues were becoming VERY apparent and I was even trying to tell certain teachers that I needed help because I thought I might have a learning disability, I was continually brushed off.

The first time I dropped out, the principal told my parents, "I don't know, you can't force a kid to go to school." By the time I was in my fifth year of high school and I still had over half my credits left to get, I had one teacher who was trying to get the school board to let me do certain accelerated credits, but they refused because I wasn't 'troubled' enough. By that point I had dropped out of school three times. I tried to get into the alternative school and was told it was impossible because I wanted to go to university and no one who went there went to university.

The psychologist I went to in my early-mid teens, telling her I was sure I had a learning disability, also brushed me off and finally agreed to do an IQ test but botched the whole thing. Later on I looked her up and she's been banned from diagnosing learning disabilities in children and young adults.

My parents did their best with me, but they had no idea what they were dealing with. They're both intelligent people, but they're not teachers, psychologists, or trained professionals in this area. And they trusted people who gave them (us) really shitty advice, but how could they have known any better?

I probably sound really bitter, but I'm honestly not at all. I'm very lucky, actually. I ended up getting my degree and I'm glad I was finally diagnosed when I was - better to know at 29 than 59. It's just that the more time that passes and the more removed from it I become, the more I look back and realize just how absurd the entire saga was.

[feministxtian]

@kmachete14 the kids used to correct the grammar and spelling on tests and then refuse to answer the questions on the test. This was high-school level. I had one teacher tell me to my face that "dumber kids were easier to teach". An arrogant ass guidance counselor told me that #2 son would never amount to anything...she damn near got slugged. I mean, admittedly he hasn't cured cancer or invented a way for Mars to have a magnetic field so it can be terraformed...but...he makes 45 bucks an hour as a journeyman electrician. All 3 of my kids make more money than I do and that's how it should be. Not bad for 3 high school dropouts...

[QuiverFullofBooks]

Why would she do that? Why would she post that? Just WHY? What do their families think? Does anyone let Aunt Jill babysit?

[nastyhobbitses]

8 hours ago, mpheels said:

I was sort of one of those kids. I was/am a quick learner, and got really frustrated with what I saw as “busy work” homework. I was happy to work on long term projects that required planning and critical thinking, but refused to do problem sets for topics I felt I had already mastered. I even tried negotiating with teachers to let me skip homework and just have my final exam determine my grade.* I would lie to my mom, telling her I had already finished everything. When one of my 7th grade teachers told my mom I was going to get a C in the class because of missing homework, my mom said I was old enough to understand and live with the consequences on my behavior. By 9th grade,  was motivated enough by college applications that I started doing the busywork anyway. It all worked out in the end - I went to pretty good schools for undergrad and grad school, and now have a job I love in academia.

*As a teacher at the university level, this is my approach to grading. I use exams and major projects to let students demonstrate mastery of the course material. If they demonstrate mastery by the end of term, they get an A. I use intermediate assignments as “check ups” to see where students are and give them regular feedback. These assignments are graded, but the intermediate grades can only help, not hurt the final grade. It is possible to get an A in my course based on the final alone, but most students find the intermediate projects are helpful for keeping things on track.

I wish your approach was more common at the secondary level, or at least an option. I was AWFUL about doing my homework. I overstretched myself with extracurriculars, for one, combine that with the "I'm so smart I don't have to try" mindset plus a soupcon of goldfish attention span...and you have my pretty shit grades in everything that I wasn't almost pathologically motivated to excel in until I had my big Come to Jesus moment about wanting to go to college and do the fun stuff I was good at. I loved big long research essays and projects like that because I had more time to think, more creative leeway, and more autonomy; I hated busywork even though I knew it was necessary sometimes. I like your approach so much better, because you could make it so flexible -- kids who are good at the busywork/smaller assignments or need them to stay on track have that, and kids like me who are better with longer-term projects or one-off exams they have a long time to prep for (and will eventually get smart enough to realize that the busywork is that prep...) can excel in a way that works for them. 

Now in my professional life I've developed systems to help me stay on top of everything, and I remember it dawned on me a couple months ago as I was making my bullet journal to-do list for the next day with color-coded tasks and checkbox shapes that indicated "event", "task", "PRIORITY ONE", and "longer-term stuff", that I would have had such an easier time in high school and would have had a much less rocky time in my relationship with my parents if I'd thought of all this 10 years ago. I feel like I figured everything out for myself way too late in life. 

[TheMustardCardigan]

I think the main idea here is that there’s no “one size fits all” for education. 

I went to good public schools K-12 and overall really enjoyed it. As a young child I remember my parents checking over my homework and sitting with me helping me through the harder problems. As I got older they no longer really kept tabs on my homework because I was self motivated and they knew I’d get it done.

That being said, I was a gifted child who definitely bristled at busywork. AP classes in high school helped cut down on that problem but even still, I remember my AP Lit teacher made us complete this Kaplan grammar workbook that was so incredibly basic, very long, and pretty unrelated to the AP Lit curriculum. She also NEVER actually read what we were writing in there, was just checking for writing in each spot. We all caught onto this and wrote nonsense or off topic things into the grammar books. My friend wrote his lines for a play we were in over and over again in there, and he said he’d never memorized lines that well in his life before! I used to just write letters to the teacher about how the assignment was stupid.

College was great because small assignments were rare and it was all about midterms and finals. Loved it.

 

 

[SorenaJ]

I am not an exam person. I am rubbish at exams. However I enjoy assignments and homework, and like spending time completing them, making sure they are done well. I would prefer that more of the final grade was from coursework, instead of the exam. Real life is not an exam.