JinJer: Now with Social Media

[SorenaJ]

You don't really decide exactly when to get pregnant. Sometimes it takes a while to conceive. 

[LawsonBatesEgo]

8 hours ago, BackseatMom said:

What is that saying? "A sign of a healthy relationship is that there is no sign of it on social media." Of course, that really only applies to adult relationships...

I think the problem is that these women are not encouraged to have any sense of identity outside of wife and mother or any interests outside of their husband and kids. 

I love my partner a lot, but we both have our own interests, goals, projects and friendships outside the relationship. I have an identity that is my own and not completely linked in with this......and the same goes for him. 

But I don't think any of these Got-hard women have been encouraged to do that, so basically, all they have to talk about is Jesus/Husband/Kids. 

And I So agree on social media. 

I find in my experience, the happiest couples I know are the ones who don't post much on social media.

I don't post a lot on social media unless it feels.....natural to? Like if we have travelled somewhere and I want to post a picture and the one I have is with him in it, or the other day my cat climbed onto the couch with him and literally fell asleep on his face/head at a hilarious angle and I post the picture because it was funny.  I would have posted the picture of the cat fell asleep on my Dad's head, or a friend's head.....(provided they consented to me posting it, Mr LBE did), it just so happened he did it on my boyfriend's head. 

But I can't do the ~je t'aime babe :* :* :*'~ posts every week. It just feels so.....forced and fake. If I want to tell him that I love him, I can get up and walk into the kitchen and tell him. If he buys me flowers or a present or does something nice or we go out somewhere for dinner, I'll often take a picture for my own personal collection of pictures (believe it or not, you don't have to upload every picture you take), but I don't see any reason to post it publicly other than showing off? While I feel like the people always posting HOW IN LOVE THEY ARE AND HOW MUCH BAE LOVES THEM are trying to convince themselves their relationship is solid. While the people I know who don't post a lot about their relationships are the ones who are actually happy and secure in them. 

I usually post a picture with Mr LBE for his birthday and write a paragraph and that's about it for ~couple posts~ and ~je t'aime~ crap on my profiles. I kinda feel 'obligated' since his parents/siblings do, and well, they are fun to look back on. But that's where I draw my line. 

 

[feministxtian]

Mr. Xtian and I have been together for about 20 years and I RARELY post about him on social media. The pictures I post are usually of the cats. Very few of us...I think the last one of the two of us was 6 years ago at a music festival. I think I post about him if he's done something really sweet and I want to brag a bit...but that's it. Every one who knows me IRL knows I love my husband. I mean, after almost 20 years I definitely don't need to brag about it, ya know? 

[nastyhobbitses]

Re relationships on social media: sharing pictures of yourself with your significant other is normal and healthy and likely a reflection of your life. A cute "my SO is the best and I love them and yay love forever" on Valentine's Day/Mother's Day/Father's Day/anniversaries/birthdays is fine. But constant "HEY GUYS DID I MENTION THAT I HAVE A SIGNIFICANT OTHER AND I AM PROBABLY HAVING SEX WITH THEM A LOT AND WE TOLERATE EACH OTHER'S PRESENCE" just screams insecurity, or having nothing better to do.

There was a girl I went to high school with who would go through a cycle with romance on social media. Phase 1: "JUST FRIENDS OMG" with dude she met at school. Phase 2: "Just friends" guy is now her bae and he is the best bae to ever bae and he is so sweet and I can only express his sweetness with Mariah Carey lyrics. Phase 3: NO ONE THOUGHT WE WOULD STAY TOGETHER BUT WE WILL 4EVER FUCK THE HATERS (read: people have told her that her boyfriend is a bit of a bum and them fighting all the time about stupid shit is a red flag for the relationship). Phase 4: Taylor Swift lyrics. Breakup imminent. Phase 5: I'M A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I HAVE COME OUT OF THIS TRIAL IN MY LIFE STRONGER AND I'M NOT GONNA TAKE SHIT FROM ANYONE (insert stock Bible verse here). Phase 6: Another neckbeardy dude she's "OMG JUST FRIENDS" with moves in to comfort her/she seeks comfort from him after her Hot Mess Breakup. It's the ciiiiiircle of liiiiiife....

If this were all going on in high school, I'd chalk it up to her being 17 and dumb in the way that most 17-year-olds are. She's 26.

[Flossie]

I had a cousin that did that same cycle with her relationships between her brief marriages.  She finally outgrew up when she turned and even her youngest daughter (age 10) told her it was ridiculous.

[Kangaroo]

To me, it's very much how I see tenagers acting on social media. They've got their first accounts and the first boyfriend who they're smitten with. Rather than being more subtle with her captions as most people do with some time and practice, she's just writing what she feels.

I'm sure with time it will fade. If you look at most of these Fundies accounts (and normal people in general), they start out with very basic, very teenager writing style captions. Slowly with time and practice, they refine the fine art of humble bragging and it doesn't come across as child like anymore.

I don't see anything wrong with it. She'll get better with time like the rest of us.

[Carm_88]

7 hours ago, marmalade said:

Jinger certainly doesn't strike me as the athletic type, but maybe like Jessa, she'll learn to tolerate workouts because she's so obviously anxious to please him. 

Until pregnant because can't work out then.  

[Flossie]

1 hour ago, Flossie said:

I had a cousin that did that same cycle with her relationships between her brief marriages.  She finally outgrew up when she turned and even her youngest daughter (age 10) told her it was ridiculous.

Sorry to quote myself.

Note to self:  Quit posting on the fly.

What I meant to say was that my cousin finally outgrew the cycle of teenage drama in her relationships when she turned 50, and even her 10 year old recognized the pattern, etc.

[justmy2cents]

JIn and Jer were probably urged by TLC to have Instagram accounts to draw in more viewers. TLC probably wants their relationship highlighted.  The Duggar official FB account is full of awkward posts.  The Bates accounts come across a little more natural though Whitney and Erin do a lot of gushing. I think it's all for viewership.

 

[nickelodeon]

2 hours ago, Kangaroo said:

I'm sure with time it will fade. If you look at most of these Fundies accounts (and normal people in general), they start out with very basic, very teenager writing style captions. Slowly with time and practice, they refine the fine art of humble bragging and it doesn't come across as child like anymore.

This is very true, compare Jinger's insta with someone like Lawson Bates, whose posting style would give you the impression that he's a preppy 17 year old bro, when actually he's a grown ass twenty-four-year-old man. They've got to make up for the time they lost mothering/fathering their siblings, I guess.

[louisa05]

4 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

 

If this were all going on in high school, I'd chalk it up to her being 17 and dumb in the way that most 17-year-olds are. She's 26.

I have friends that do this. We are all in our 40s. Those women never change. A couple have been married a time or two. The marriages had the exact same progression. 

One couple we know is constantly posting on social media about how wonderful they are and how wonderful their marriage is. They post long ridiculous tributes to each other roughly once a month. The worst on ever was a video the husband posted to commemorate the tenth anniversary of their first date. Or maybe that wasn't the worst. The worst may have been the Mother's Day photo of them posing with the pee stick that he posted a few years ago to commemorate her brilliance as a mother. The kid was like seven by then. And it was a new photo among a collage of photos of her and the kid. If you took this crap at face value, you'd look at all of it and think, what a loving happy couple/family. 

Except we know them pretty well. They sit around their house having passive aggressive arguments. That's when they actually talk. The husband once informed us that "life is better if she does her thing and I do mine and (kid) hangs out at the neighbor's house; that way no one fights". Because if they do anything together, the kid screams and hits and whines and they fight with each other. 

I never buy the happy couple garbage on social media. These two aren't the only very unhappy couple I see posting their love and devotion all the time. 

[Nikedagain?]

7 hours ago, feministxtian said:

Mr. Xtian and I have been together for about 20 years and I RARELY post about him on social media. The pictures I post are usually of the cats. Very few of us...I think the last one of the two of us was 6 years ago at a music festival. I think I post about him if he's done something really sweet and I want to brag a bit...but that's it. Every one who knows me IRL knows I love my husband. I mean, after almost 20 years I definitely don't need to brag about it, ya know? 

Shout out to CATS.

The Real social media mavens <3

[Unicorn]

I see the cycle in all ages, but I'm reminded of how abnormal my life is because I stopped announcing relationships on social media years before dating my husband since people would tell me and my ex boyfriends to break up.  My ex boyfriends always would leave me as a result.  I'm still afraid to post about my marriage outside of anonymity.  It feels like bad luck and inviting people to judge.

So to be able to do this at all may mean more of a sense of security than I have.

Editing to further clarify, I come from a fundie light background and people would come out of the woodwork of both my life and my ex boyfriends' lives to say we weren't spiritually ready for marriage and that my poor relationship with my mother and my having a lesbian younger sister were proof I never would be until I submitted to my mother and controlled my sister.  Neither of which I was ever inclined to do, nor could do if I had wanted to.  In that world, no dating is advisable if it won't result in marriage.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

I've found that the perfect families in public are the most messed up ones in private. I like to let my freak flag fly, as does the rest of my family. I'm not a gusher as a rule, once in a while I will post something sweet my husband or kids have done for me. Usually I'm posting that dh & ds where horsing around so hard they broke an end table, lamp, plant... (yes those 2 have broken many things) I don't air dirty laundry but I will post or say something about DH or 1 of the kids being jerks and UGH and generic blah blah stuff.  I don't like reading other people very personal issues on a public forum, so I don't spill mine.   It seems that people who don't gush about their lives publicly either are very happy or very miserable, and the ones who gush endlessly are the ones who are trying to put on a good front so people THINK they have envious lives. 

[calimojo]

As long as they aren't being preachy, I don't care.

And, honestly lots of newlyweds are like this.  I know I certainly was 30+ years ago.  Of course we didn't have social media then, but I know I constantly talked about my husband, and I am sure that my more mature peers were tired of hearing it, but they kindly tolerated it knowing that the honeymoon phase ends soon enough.

People with their first baby are like this, too.  They assume the world is as fascinated with their new baby as they are. I think it is a normal developmental thing to do.  And, while we have no idea what Jinger is doing with her time in Laredo,  I think that it is safe to assume that Jeremy and their marriage is front and center of everything right now.  THis is how she was raised, and pants or no pants, she has no other reference for how else to be, just yet. And again, lots of newlyweds are over the top with selling their new marriage.  It is part of how they themselves begin to assimilate their new reality. 

I am hoping that if Jinger is not pregnant, that she has enough time and energy on her hands that she is getting to do some different things.  Even if it is just within the confines of her role of Pastor's wife, she is still undoubtedly getting to see the world in different ways than how she was raised.    She may not yet know what to think, or is still taking it all in and hasn't had time to really work through what she is seeing, hearing and experiencing.  One thing that seems to be different is she certainly seems more comfortable with affection with her husband and even showing a modest amount of 'lust' for him as she clearly enjoyed watching him working out.  I don't think the other marrieds have shown that side of themselves too much.  Jessa talks about Ben working out, but more in a "I am happy that he is taking care of himself" kind of way and not so much "He looks hot when he is hot and muscly" 

Where as Jinger watching Jeremy seemed to definitely enjoy seeing her hot husband ( her point of view, not mine).

Jeremy seems to like being affectionate with Jinger in return.  I imagine he is the decision maker of the two, but I hope he is a benign dictator and at the very least gives Jinger encouragement to grow and experience other aspects of life.    Yes, I want jinger to have her own agency, of course, but lets be realistic that is not likely to happen for any of these girls for a while.  Even if they marry a man who is not into the patriarchy,  on some level they will have to say to the duggar Bride,  You don't need my permission to live your life, and in it's own way that is still giving permission.  I just don't see any of them at this point, standing up and saying," I Make my own Choices.  And as an equal partner in this marriage it is reasonable that we discuss decisions, especially those that impact both of us or our finances, family planning etc, but at the end of the day, I  decide for myself and you decide for yourself.  As part of our marriage vows we agree to consider one another in our decisions, and to compromise at times, even put our own needs aside at times, and sometimes to put ourselves first."

[Glasgowghirl]

I'm single but even if I wasn't I'm not the type to broadcast relationships online. I get why Jinger is to an extent her whole life she's been raised to believe that getting married and then having kids is her life goal, so I can understand her being happy that she's married. Her posts are not too OTT, like other people's.

My pet hate in general are people who constantly post all the in's and out's of their relationships and then post I wish people would keep out my business, or post something vague and when someone asks them what's wrong, they will say I'll private message you. It's attention seeking and annoying. If you don't want to discuss stuff online phone or text your friends privately, you don't have to fish for sympathy online.

[HarleyQuinn]

The best thing about facebook "memories" is getting a chance to delete all the embarassing "my man is the best" posts I made years ago. lol

[FleeJanaFree]

I get that mushy soliquoys are annoying on relationship pics, but that's not really what Jinger did here. Her caption was quite simple, and normal, especially for the under 35 age group. 

People are just just searching for something to snark on at this point. May I point you towards j-rods plexus business/child endangerment horror show?

[Palindrome]

Yay for being raised to be submissive to your husband in all aspects of life #Proverbs31woman

Also, holy moly, never realised just how alike Jinger and Michelle are. Wow! 

[Scribber]

A lot of people IRL are sort of surprised when they find out that I am married. My husband travels for work, and my daughter and I are very active in our local community. My social media is full of photos of her and myself. Very rarely is Mr Scribber mentioned. He is secure in that. I am secure in that.

But. Maybe if we'd had social media in high school when we started dating?

[VBOY9977]

Jeremy followed humans of New York on instagram!! I really hope Jinger reads some of the posts

[Chewing Gum]

1 hour ago, VBOY9977 said:

Jeremy followed humans of New York on instagram!! I really hope Jinger reads some of the posts

Oh wow I hope she does or he read them to her, HONY is a great way to learn about the world in a secure way. 

[Letizia]

7 hours ago, FleeJanaFree said:

I get that mushy soliquoys are annoying on relationship pics, but that's not really what Jinger did here. Her caption was quite simple, and normal, especially for the under 35 age group. 

People are just just searching for something to snark on at this point. May I point you towards j-rods plexus business/child endangerment horror show?

Totally agree. I wouldn't think twice if I saw a friend post that.I read the discussion of the photo before I saw what it actually said. I was expecting something cringeworthy like :

There once was a preacher named Jeremy

My headship let him marry me

He is my babe

I love to get laid

Rah Rah JEREMY

 

 

 

[VelociRapture]

8 hours ago, VBOY9977 said:

Jeremy followed humans of New York on instagram!! I really hope Jinger reads some of the posts

Ten bucks says he's using those stories for his sermons or something. And not in a nice happy way. More of a "this is what happens when you do/don't accept my version of God!"

(I'm probably wrong. I hope I am. I'm just super cynical about these people.)

[Carm_88]

1 hour ago, VelociRapture said:

(I'm probably wrong. I hope I am. I'm just super cynical about these people.)

You're cynical for a good reason, Fundies rarely seem to do anything that doesn't serve their own purpose.