JinJer: Now with Social Media

[eandre31]

I admit that I post about my SO sometimes. It's usually not gushing, but pictures or an anniversary post here and there. He doesn't partake in social media and I am friends with most members of his family - family that lives far away- so I know they appreciate seeing what he's up to. I don't think I'm excessive, but I know when we first became "official" I probably gushed a little more. We've been together 6 years now.

I'm friends with one woman on facebook who constantly posts about how she loves "looking into his eyes" or "is admiring his strong arms". Barf. Also, i know this couple IRL and know that it's not all sunshine and daisies in their relationship.

I feel like posting about your love life is okay, but when it's excessive it either means that they are in a brand new relationship or they are trying too hard to make them seem happy when they may not be.

[VelociRapture]

I tend to post like @eandre31. Most of my posts were about my dog since we brought her home January last year. I couldn't help it. She's just so cute. 

I kept most stuff about my pregnancy off social media. Mostly because I didn't want to deal with seeing tons of photos and updates pop up if something went wrong. And I've been a bit more conservative in sharing stuff about my daughter too. 

I don't mind the overly gushy posts that the Duggar and Bates adults tend to do. Its not my style, but it's understandable. Like others have said, it's kind of normal to make those posts when a relationship is new and it's your first one. Jill and Jessa still do it, but it's not all the time now that they have kids and other things going on. I'm sure it'll be the same for the other married couples as time passes.

[Carm_88]

I don't think Jinger was excessive, the caption just made me roll my eyes. Of course you love him, you've been married all of two seconds. That being said, it's not like Jinger is ever going to say "Jeremy and I aren't perfect. We have our fights, there are times where I don't like him. For example, when he leaves his smelly socks around." We are never going to get reality from these people. 

[Coy Koi]

23 hours ago, louisa05 said:

I never buy the happy couple garbage on social media. These two aren't the only very unhappy couple I see posting their love and devotion all the time. 

Yeah, I'm not super proud of this or anything, but I sometimes look up the social media profiles of people who are in the news for really horrible things like brutally murdering a family member or pimping out underage girls, and generally, people who do things like that have some of the most glowing posts about them imaginable. It's creepy. Then I feel creepy for even looking.

This isn't just a new thing that arrived with social media though. I interned at my state's Department of Corrections and read through a bunch of offenders' files. You wouldn't believe the letters (usually) girlfriends wrote to the judges begging for mercy for their piece-of-shit boyfriends. It's just more public now. Oh, your rapist boyfriend "really made [you] feel like a woman"? What an inappropriate thing to say, on so many different levels.

[Gillyweed]

With my ex, every time we did something he would take a picture and post it on social media. It was always a really bad angle too LOL. We only dated for a month, but he made me his fb profile picture. I broke things off because he was too clingy and kind of irrational (He actually argued with me when I said I wanted to study for finals by myself so I could focus, and then, after spending one day not communicating, he start whining about how he "already had to stress about finals, he doesnt want to have to stress about seeing his gf". Then in the middle of the night he sent me a text essentially saying I cured his depression (keep in mind, I've only known him for a month). It all went downhill so fast-- this all happened in a matter of two days. I broke up with him on wednesday because I couldn't deal with all of that AND finals. It was awful though, we lived in the same dorm and I had to get my RAs invovled because I didn't really feel safe, as he had randomly shown up at my room while we dated, and I had no clue if he would leave me alone after the break up or if he would randomly appear to talk to me (he actually did appear at 1am to give me some stuff back, but he could've ASKED when he could give it back instead of showing up in the middle of the night). I ended up moving into a different dorm for the last week of the semester. 

Sorry for the super long post. It's just very recent and this topic made me wonder if he posted all the pictures because he's very insecure. 

[MargaretElliott]

I don't think Jinger's post is all that cringey, but I do think fundies gush on social media so much because their social development is so stunted. I just feel bad that these kids (and most of the Duggar daughters pre-marriage are kids, in my eyes, regardless of age). Most people are trying to figure out how to act with their first boyfriend when they're teenagers. Your first crush, your first love- you're stuck with them forever. I broke up with my ex about a month ago, and he was my first love- I didn't want to marry him, I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with him, so we separated. It was sad, but at least I had that option. We were together for five years. If we were fundies, if we followed the Duggar courting model, we would have married at eighteen and I might have popped out a couple of kids by now. I'd be stuck in a relationship that I was unhappy in. But I won't spend the rest of my life with someone who wasn't right for me, because I had options. These kids will never be able to go through that process, and I just think that's really sad.

[SassyPants]

7 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

 We are never going to get reality from these people. 

Well, except when they are trying to explain away molestation.

Jessa-"Y'all, we never claimed to be a perfect family."

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

15 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

Well, except when they are trying to explain away molestation.

Jessa-"Y'all, we never claimed to be a perfect family."

Just like Trump saying he made no money from Russia, with a few exceptions,  or Dubya kept us safe from terrorists, except that one time.  We never claimed to be a perfect family, except when we did. 

[Greendoor]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLdzyShMW0Q

Please, please no.    Josiah pauses ummm when he finishes the names of his sister's who are mothers.

Jinger, I hoped so much you'd you have a year before you got on that road.

 

[VelociRapture]

6 minutes ago, Greendoor said:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLdzyShMW0Q

Please, please no.    Josiah pauses ummm when he finishes the names of his sister's who are mothers.

Jinger, I hoped so much you'd you have a year before you got on that road.

 

Maybe he just forgot which ones actually have their own kids and which were forced into raising their siblings for their parents.

[calimojo]

in a screen cap from that video, Josiah looks to have filled out a bit.  He used to be skinny kid and he looks meatier now.  No, not fat shaming, just noticing that his looks have changed.  Joe looks fuller too. 

Joe, who is typically pretty quiet did  decent job with his part of the script.  Clearly he is being or has been prepared for more of a public life as a result of his courtship and impending marriage. 

I like Joe, I mean, I don't much like any of them, but for some reason, I feel like Joe has a sweet nature. 

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

Comments about the Mother's Day video:

If I were playing a Duggar drinking game watching it, I'd have a buzz by now. Between Jana talking about how Jichelle 'invested in their lives', and the JoyAnna/Austin hand sex that's at least 2 shots. Plus JoyAnna saying something about how she 'cant wait to be a mother herself' when she's not even hitched yet... UGH. That's enough to warrant chugging a full beer.

Yes, Joe and Josaiah have filled out a bit, and the howlers sure are growing up. Where's JD?

JimBoob at the end- that camera was WAAAY too close for comfort. I can practically smell his bad breath.

[Bad Wolf]

I found JB's head popping in at the end a little bit terrifying.

[LawsonBatesEgo]

On 5/15/2017 at 9:38 AM, HarleyQuinn said:

The best thing about facebook "memories" is getting a chance to delete all the embarassing "my man is the best" posts I made years ago. lol

Hahaha, I use it every day to clean out my old cringey stuff! 

[JemimaPuddle-Duck]

I find all this social media talk very interesting. I'm a gusher. And sometimes an oversharer. I love hearing about friends and loved ones' lives and I love sharing about mine. I'm sure there are people out there rolling their eyes at my IG and FB posts, but I don't care; they can always unfollow. I definitely don't feel comfortable assuming that all unicorns-and-rainbows types are actually miserable in private. I do like to post the not so happy moments sometimes, because I think it helps people to not feel alone in their issues.

But I will fully admit that most of my posts involve gushing over my family. Maybe I'm boring because I'm one of those people (someone mentioned earlier) whose life revolves around my husband and kids and I am just fine with that. I adore my children and I love to show it. And my husband....well, he is everything. I post things about him regularly because he is sweet and adorable and I am just completely smitten with him. We've been married fourteen years and have one of the strongest and happiest marriages we know. Thankfully, that's not just for show. 

If you know people in real life are being fake on social media, fair game to snark. But I find this whole "I'm secure enough in my relationship not to have to brag/lie all over Facebook" to be so bitchy sounding. 

[CrazyMumma]

5 hours ago, JemimaPuddle-Duck said:

But I will fully admit that most of my posts involve gushing over my family. Maybe I'm boring because I'm one of those people (someone mentioned earlier) whose life revolves around my husband and kids and I am just fine with that.

hahaha! yay! someone else!  I'm the same.  Honestly insanely in love.  we haven't had a fight in 3 years.  I just honestly can't believe that I'm finely in a happy situation.  Can't believe that I'm loved... It never ceases to surprise me after childhood.  So yep.. I do occasionally post about it.  I don't post negative stuff about my kids as I feel that the internet is forever and I don't want them finding things I've written negatively about them.  So I only post about the times when I'm really happy with them   I can relate to the whole... people posting stuff online when they actually aren't happy at all and fight most of the time... but not everyone is like that.

[louisa05]

5 hours ago, JemimaPuddle-Duck said:

And my husband....well, he is everything. I post things about him regularly because he is sweet and adorable and I am just completely smitten with him. We've been married fourteen years and have one of the strongest and happiest marriages we know. Thankfully, that's not just for show.

Do you post essays on why your marriage is the happiest in the universe once or twice a month? Do you only refer to your spouse as "my soul mate" or " the love of my life " rather than his name? Do you randomly post a paragraph about what a spectacular mother you are and how you are blessed with the perfect child/ren? Because that is the OTT shit I'm talking about.

I post a pic from a getaway or whatever sometimes. I post enough about stuff we do together that people know he exists. But if I feel the need to write paragraphs about how wonderful he is, I can just give that to him personally. A friend posts pics of her daughters activities and sometimes says she is proud. But that's different than odes to the girl's greatness.

Sorry you think I'm so bitchy but long posts extolling the greatness of your spouse or children or yourself as a wife or mother are obnoxious bragging and do make a lot of people think your compensating. Natural life posts like pictures of an anniversary getaway or your kids dance recital are different.
 

 

[Four is Enough]

I've posted when I'm proud and happy, and I've posted when they drive me up a wall. I will usually try to present this in an amusing light, as in, "my kids are SO weird, they're trying to outdo each other in the ANNOY MOM department!" or "My husband: if he brings home one more Plant I'm going to think I'm living in a jungle!" 

It's a warts and all kind of life we lead, and NEVER ONCE have I ever called my husband my soul mate or even the love of my life, and I will categorically state that Not One of my children is or will ever be my best friend.

Take from that what you will. For me, it's keeping it real.

[SuhrEnity]

1 hour ago, louisa05 said:

Sorry you think I'm so bitchy but long posts extolling the greatness of your spouse or children or yourself as a wife or mother are obnoxious bragging and do make a lot of people think your compensating. Natural life posts like pictures of an anniversary getaway or your kids dance recital are different.

Agree with this. If I need my husband to know how great he is I tell it to him personally. The same way I don't turn to social media and exuberantly post "my husband is the best at giving orgasms. He gave me 3 orgasms yesterday" is the same way I don't go on social media to feelings orgasm about him either. Our happiness much like our orgasms are our own

1 hour ago, Four is Enough said:

It's a warts and all kind of life we lead, and NEVER ONCE have I ever called my husband my soul mate or even the love of my life, and I will categorically state that Not One of my children is or will ever be my best friend.

This. Exactly this. I don't ever refer to my husband as my soulmate or the love of my life either because not a damn thing in life is guaranteed and who knows what tomorrow will bring for either of us. And no my 9 year old and 6 year ARE NOT my best friends. My best friends are women who are the same age as me. Who I don't have to filter things for and who I can be totally honest with. Not little people who's stinky butts I had to change and who emerged from my vagina.

[candygirl200413]

So this conversation made me realize how the majority of facebook friends that I have are pretty chill in terms of what they upload. If they have kids, their first ones have been posted about, but once they get older I'm like "wow I wonder how xyz kid's is doing cause it's been a while!" The relationship gushing 24/7 is what bothers me but if it happens I usually just unfollow the person until they chill out. I don't know if this is in the mindset of those I'm friends with on social media but if their gushing about their child/SO it's usually doesn't happen very frequently.

[fluffernutter]

I am in the lovey-dovey poster category. (Ducking to avoid the hurling tomatoes.) We've been married for 23 years, high school sweethearts, and i just am that happy. And i am so proud of our daughters, they are so talented and hard-working and I am in awe over them. And i post when we go on date nights or trips or wherever. I never even thought of it as coming off negatively or pompously- Just a happy middle aged couple doing their middle-aged married thing. This post has me wondering if it is annoying to everyone else lol.

[louisa05]

I am in the lovey-dovey poster category. (Ducking to avoid the hurling tomatoes.) . I never even thought of it as coming off negatively or pompously- Just a happy middle aged couple doing their middle-aged married thing. This post has me wondering if it is annoying to everyone else lol.

 

It is a tone thing. Do you post pics of daughters graduating with a proud mom caption or do you post random for no reason odes to the genius of said daughters proving your greatness as a parent? The first is normal. The second is what makes me wonder about what the reality is.

 

Do you post a selfie of you and spouse somewhere with an in vacation caption or a long paragraph about how the love of your life took you on vacation because you are so happily married and love making memories together and look how much we are still in love? The second one is when most people I know are eye rolling and wondering.

[OyToTheVey]

3 hours ago, louisa05 said:

Do you post essays on why your marriage is the happiest in the universe once or twice a month? Do you only refer to your spouse as "my soul mate" or " the love of my life " rather than his name? Do you randomly post a paragraph about what a spectacular mother you are and how you are blessed with the perfect child/ren?

That's how I see it. If I see elaborate posts about happiness and how much people love their spouse, my cynical mind automatically thinks OVERCOMPENSATION. There's something these people are hiding that makes them want to shout to the world everything is great and perfect. I don't think anyone needs an essay on love every picture. 

[SuhrEnity]

20 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

 The second one is when most people I know are eye rolling and wondering.

Especially when they do it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY

[Dubiousclaire]

At least the Duggars do not post dramatically vague, negative statuses, only to delete them after the "wrong"people commented on them. (Insert eye roll)

Most people I know of that post gushy "how fabulous is my life" stuff are full of crap.  One lady I follow (really only for snark reasons since our kids no longer are in school together), alternates from how great and helpful her family is, how much they appreciate her to how horrible they are, do nothing and disrespect her. 

In the Duggars case, I think it's just P.R.  for their show. Ben and Derrick trying to drum up followers for their "ministries".