JinJer: Now with Social Media

[louisa05]

So on my aunt being unable to use social media without making a fool of herself: 

A month or so ago, she changed her profile picture to a pic of her chest. I think she is trying to feature the shirt she was wearing which is one of those cheesy grandma t-shirts with all of her grandkids' names on it that refers to them as "Grandma's angels". Which would have been cheesy but cute ten years ago or so, but now all of her grandkids are in their teens and twenties, so it seems off. And it is a new shirt. Anyway, her face is not in the picture. It is just the front of the shirt. Taken while she is wearing it. From a kind of below angle. Effectively, what we have here is a profile picture that is basically a selfie of her boobs. 

And today, she added that "I Love Us" frame. All I can think is "wow, she loves her boobs, too! Good for her!". 

[clueliss]

And this is when I am glad that my mother or her siblings were never on social media.

[actuallyjessica]

Reading all of these stories about older relatives online reminds me of a quote that went something like "don't laugh or roll your eyes when your grandma/mom/etc asks you how the internet works, she changed your butt and taught you how to use a spoon!"

It makes me wonder what the next generation or two will think of us when we are older? I think there is an advantage being that many of us have used electronic devices of many sorts for years now, where as our grandparents did not... but still, I'm sure if I'm ever lucky enough to have children and grandchildren they'll roll their eyes at me one day when I ask how ___ works.

[elliha]

I would say that the older people I have as facebook friends are fine. For example I have my youngest brother's ex father-in-law as a friend. He is great and shares beautiful nature pictures as photography has always been an interest of his. He also clearly understands references to current events and TV-shows and such so he really does know what he is doing. (Yes, my brother is on good terms with him as well so it isn't really that weird that he and I are still friends several years after my brother's marriage ended.)

My sister (in her 50s) and her friends though... My sister told me so many stories of people unfriending each other like teenagers and also WTF things that her friends share that I can't see. One gave very graphic description of the sex act she had just engaged in. Really really detailed... I have also seen the many confusions and little catty things that have transpired sometimes when my sister posted stuff and she even deleted some things. I have never deleted a post because of the reactions of others, the only thing I can remember deleting have been when I have asked people to borrow something and once we managed to borrow what we needed I took it down. 

I have a lot of posts about my kids, often quotes of what the older said or little stories of what happened when the picture was taken. I make sure to not only show the pretty happy moments but different types of events. I write a cutesy post for my kids when they have their birthday and for my husband on birthdays and other special dates. On a regular day he would need to have done something special like cook my a great meal or give me chocolate. My daughter sometimes decides what I should post on facebook or instagram. It is often a picture of her in one of her outfits (think princess meets cute bag lady meets race car driver) and her making a funny face. "Put it on instagraaaaaaaaam! And facebook!" "OK". 

 

 

[Mr. Pink]

Teenagers already make fun of me for not understanding how snapchat works and constantly needing help with my bluetooth. I'm totally going to be THAT grandma some day.

[front hugs > duggs]

I'm just going to leave this here:

 

[louisa05]

4 hours ago, actuallyjessica said:

Reading all of these stories about older relatives online reminds me of a quote that went something like "don't laugh or roll your eyes when your grandma/mom/etc asks you how the internet works, she changed your butt and taught you how to use a spoon!"

But do you have to be young and tech savvy to look at a picture you have taken and realize "that's just my boobs, that looks a bit bad, maybe I should not post that as a profile picture"? Because I feel like that is not even an issue of her age. I would be wondering about the sanity of a person of any age who put up a boob shot as a profile picture. I am, in fact, more likely to chalk it up to ignorance due to age for a very young (i.e. teenage) user rather than a 73 year old who should realize it looks tacky. 

[2manyKidzzz]

Well, maybe she has gorgeous boobs. (Couldn't help myself)

[louisa05]

46 minutes ago, 2manyKidzzz said:

Well, maybe she has gorgeous boobs. (Couldn't help myself)

Well, she's 73. So that ship has...um...well, it's not sailing....

They are certainly ample. Which is why the picture is pretty tacky. If I took a selfie of the front of my shirt, it wouldn't be quite the same. 

[PennySycamore]

2 hours ago, Mr. Pink said:

Teenagers already make fun of me for not understanding how snapchat works and constantly needing help with my bluetooth. I'm totally going to be THAT grandma some day.

I AM that grandma now!  I have a iPad and a Mac, but don't have a smartphone.  (I just have a dumbphone.) When I get a smartphone, it's going to take a while for me to learn to use it.

[SHERA]

7 hours ago, clueliss said:

And this is when I am glad that my mother or her siblings were never on social media.

My mom died a couple of years ago and she (and her siblings) was on facebook sharing tips about genealogy. I'm so glad she was on fb and we kept her account open so we could mourn her. I love it when a memory comes up and she commented on something or shared something on my page. Her profile picture is of her and one of the grandkids. But then again I was lucky to have a mother who had unconditional love and was supportive of any crazy idea I had. The only thing she pushed me to do was get a college degree and not date creepy boys.

[FleeJanaFree]

6 hours ago, actuallyjessica said:

Reading all of these stories about older relatives online reminds me of a quote that went something like "don't laugh or roll your eyes when your grandma/mom/etc asks you how the internet works, she changed your butt and taught you how to use a spoon!"

It makes me wonder what the next generation or two will think of us when we are older? I think there is an advantage being that many of us have used electronic devices of many sorts for years now, where as our grandparents did not... but still, I'm sure if I'm ever lucky enough to have children and grandchildren they'll roll their eyes at me one day when I ask how ___ works.

I'm still in my 20s and I feel that way about Snapchat. I just don't GET the appeal. Just text me your pic damnit and not have it disappear after a few seconds. No interest in it whatsoever. 

 

Now get off off my lawn.

[Coconut Flan]

4 hours ago, Mr. Pink said:

Teenagers already make fun of me for not understanding how snapchat works and constantly needing help with my bluetooth. I'm totally going to be THAT grandma some day.

One of my daughters argued and argued with me about connecting my phone and car until I showed her how easy it was with my phone and car.  She was still shaking her head and saying it wasn't that easy on her car. 

I have also discovered other joys of the iphone - it entertains 80 something year old Alzheimer's patients just like it distracts and entertains two year olds.  I set up playlists on youtube so my mom doesn't get bored at medical appointments with all the waiting.  She's more likely to go off than the two year old if she isn't entertained. 

[Dutchie]

On 16-5-2017 at 4:30 PM, Four is Enough said:

Not One of my children is or will ever be my best friend.

I'm actually of the opinion that being best friends with your kids makes you a bad mom.

I have small children and no way is my goal to be there best friend. I'm there to raise them "train them up" if you will. I hope they'll be responsible independent adults one day, and I look forward to debating any topic around the dinner table, and whatching them form there own opinions, but we don't and will never have an equal relationship.

(Honestly, my biggest fear is they turn out religious, but I still am oke with there grandmother praying with them because I think they should form there own opinion) 

And my mom is there to guide and advice me, which basically means she can say shit to me that nobody else can and I can do the same to her, knowing I still love her and she still loves me. We have a good relationship but we are not equals. 

[JemimaPuddle-Duck]

3 hours ago, Dutchie said:

I'm actually of the opinion that being best friends with your kids makes you a bad mom.

I have small children and no way is my goal to be there best friend. I'm there to raise them "train them up" if you will. I hope they'll be responsible independent adults one day, and I look forward to debating any topic around the dinner table, and whatching them form there own opinions, but we don't and will never have an equal relationship. 

I think there is a lot of grey area here. All relationships are going to look different. I would say my husband is my ultimate best friend, and I have women in my life with whom I am very, very close, but I totally consider my oldest child to be one of my best friends too. I think she would say the same about me even though she has best friends her own age. She respects me and obeys me and understands that we are not complete "equals". But we also have such a wonderful friendship. We are very similar, we finish each other's sentences or often say the same thing at the same time. We text each other all the time, share many inside jokes, spend a lot of time in good conversation and debate. And so much more. We receive many comments about our relationship. It may not be typical, but I'm super grateful for it. 

[Dutchie]

1 hour ago, JemimaPuddle-Duck said:

I think there is a lot of grey area here. All relationships are going to look different. I would say my husband is my ultimate best friend, and I have women in my life with whom I am very, very close, but I totally consider my oldest child to be one of my best friends too. I think she would say the same about me even though she has best friends her own age. She respects me and obeys me and understands that we are not complete "equals". But we also have such a wonderful friendship. We are very similar, we finish each other's sentences or often say the same thing at the same time. We text each other all the time, share many inside jokes, spend a lot of time in good conversation and debate. And so much more. We receive many comments about our relationship. It may not be typical, but I'm super grateful for it. 

I don't think that is the same, so do me and my mom. But she will never be my "BFF". We do the same things as I do with my friends, but she willl love me with less conditions than anyone will ever do and she will be able to scrutinize my live in  way that no one else willl be able. 

[JemimaPuddle-Duck]

9 minutes ago, Dutchie said:

I don't think that is the same, so do me and my mom. But she will never be my "BFF". We do the same things as I do with my friends, but she willl love me with less conditions than anyone will ever do and she will be able to scrutinize my live in  way that no one else willl be able. 

That's what I mean by grey area. When I say my daughter is one of my best friends, that might not mean exactly the same to me as it does to you. 

Doesn't make it any less true for me, and doesn't make me a bad mom either :-)

[Dutchie]

7 minutes ago, JemimaPuddle-Duck said:

That's what I mean by grey area. When I say my daughter is one of my best friends, that might not mean exactly the same to me as it does to you. 

Doesn't make it any less true for me, and doesn't make me a bad mom either :-)

What I mean is that I don't think they are the same and that it shouldn't be the goal. If your daughter makes really bad choices in live, you are the one that should call her out on that and you should be the one that welcomes her in your home no matter what. My child is her child, I actually discussed with her the other day, the fact that my brother is becoming a dad soon, makes his girlfriend family now. I was really fond of her before but now she is inthe "no matter what category" (we don't marry so girlfriend/wive is interchangeable). That's what moms do. 

Putting it on paper I realize I think "BFF" is a degradation of being a mom. 

[Trynn]

I mean, if I make bad choices in life, I hope my best friends call me out on it. They're not obligated to help me, but I do expect them to call me out on my bullshit.

And too, my relationship with my mom has evolved over time. As I've grown older, we have gotten to the point where we are more equals. She gives advice, and I usually take it, but I don't feel a need to obey her now that I'm 28 and live on my own.

[louisa05]

How old of kids are we talking about? Adult children are one thing. But the people I know who refer to their kid as their best friend have an 8 year old.

There are also different boundaries between parents and children even when kids are adults. I would not have wanted my mother mentioning her sex life but when friends who are peers do that's okay.

[front hugs > duggs]

I have quite a few issues with my dad that stemmed from my teenage years. Even now, when I point out how much I needed him during those years and how he wasn't really there for me, his argument is "well, you thought it was cool that I was your friend". I may have thought it was cool when I was 15, yes. However, what a 15 year old needs (especially when she doesn't live with her mother) is really a parent to set rules and standards and have structure, none of which I had. 

My house kind of became a party house because my dad usually left me to spend weekends at his girlfriend's house (one time he left me alone for a weekend with no car, no hot water for showers, and no gas for cooking, and an empty fridge). I would take back all the parties and all the boys I would have over in a second for some structure during that time. Grass is always greener??

[VelociRapture]

I'm at that point in parenting where it's tough being besties with my kid. Mostly because she's five months old and babies are basically just tiny drunk people (always emotional, hitting the bottle hard, can't walk in a straight line... worst, but cutest, roommate ever. )

The only time I take issue with parents saying their kid is their best friend is when the parents clearly don't do much parenting or appropriate boundaries aren't set. If your kid is running wild and acting like a menace and I KNOW that there are no developmental issues* contributing to the behavior, then I have a problem with that. Or if you're telling your child about all your issues in great detail. Probably not a great idea.

*I mentioned this because some kids diagnosed with certain disorders, like Autism, act in similar ways without meaning to. This is why I never judge parents out with their kids who are having meltdowns - I simply can't know what they're dealing with. To those parents and kids who are doing their best, I have nothing but love and understanding. 

[Mr. Pink]

"best friend" is just too broad a word.

My (young) children and my mom are among my favorite people in the world. I enjoy spending time with them more than just about anybody. That can be a best friend in a sense.

But I think there's a boundary between my children and I and my mom and I that prevents me from being 100% authentic with them, and that falls short of some definitions of "best friend". It would be inappropriate for me to come home and burden my children with the really raw and difficult parts of my day. Even my adult relationship with my mother, there's a boundary between her and I. She wouldn't talk to me about her marital problems and I think that's healthy.

And of course there's an issue when a parent would rather be liked than do the right thing for their child. You have responsibilities as a parent that trump friendship.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

10 hours ago, Dutchie said:

I'm actually of the opinion that being best friends with your kids makes you a bad mom.

I agree. My kids are now 19 & 17 and as we are transitioning from parent/child relationship to parent/adult child relationship it is tricky, We are teetering on a fine line with the 19 year old he is a legal adult and all but he does still live under our roof and rely on us for a lot of his support, so he does have to put up with our shit, most of the time it is smooth sailing but we've hit a few bumps here and there as we see him doing stupid things and try to stop him from doing them.  

My daughter a few years ago at about 15 said one day when she was mad at me " YOU ARE THE WORST FRIEND EVER" I said I'm not your friend, I'm your MOTHER. After she calmed down and we were talking she said but I thought you were my friend. I said I will be your friend one day, but right now I'm your mom and I have to make you do things you don't want to do  and stop you from doing things we think you shouldn't do.  She's learned to understand that more over the last 2 years.  We do fun stuff together, we do "friend" things but at the end of the day I'm in charge of her life right now and she knows that. 

The rule we have with our kids is that when they turn 18 they are STILL children in our house, until they graduate from high school, once graduation happens rules change, and the curfew is gone and you will have much more freedom, but you will still have to follow some rules as long as you live in our house and need our financial assistance and emotional guidance and support.  This is different for me as I didn't turn 18 until 3 weeks AFTER I left for college, I was never given any "freedom" until I was totally on my own, and that backfired spectacularly bad, not Josly level bad but still bad. 

[VelociRapture]

@DutchieCan I ask what you mean when you say "train them up"? Whenever I hear that phrase it's usually referring to the Pearls and usually means nothing good (mainly, bearing the child into instant obedience.) I'm guessing it means something very different the way you stated it though.