Lori and Storage Sociopath = A match made in heaven

[2xx1xy1JD]

...and that's one of the reasons why it took us 8 years to get married. Our parents were NOT about to support us, nor were they prepared to see us sacrifice our educations, so we couldn't get married until I starting practicing (hubby was still in school).

I do know families where parental support is agreed upon before the engagement, because it's really important to the parents that their children marry as young virgins. They key is that the parents agree to this ahead of time, and aren't bullied into it.

[nokidsmom]

I cannot even fathom the look on my parents' faces if I told them "Mr. Jerkit and I are going to get married and you're going to support us so we can have technically-not-premartial-sex."

Gah, even my Maxwellian parents wouldn't have any part of that. They might have expected me to live next door, go to their same church and be over-involved in my life, but support me and my ex-future husband in their home and possibly a new baby? No way. They wanted control but they sure didn't want to, you know, pay for it.

But my ex-fiance was convinced that they should and furthermore, his grandparents, who had raised him from early teenager years, should also do this. In fact, he figured that if my parents didn't get on board then his grandparents would. Yep. People who were retired and one of of them was suffering from cancer. All it would take was to boot his uncle out of the basement apartment in their house.

Fast forward four years after our breakup (he had to wait for the sex, thanks to me kicking him to the curb), he and his wife were living out of that basement apartment. With a baby.

[jerkit]

I have absolutely no idea what this comment is about

I love this post and I love what Lori said at the end of the post.

Now, I will proceed to add my two cents:

This is going to come as a shock to most, I'm sure, but if you love the Lord, you should Fear the Lord and learn about the Lord by reading your Bible. The Bible, to my recollection, does not discuss how believers should go to college. In fact, the times it mentions a secular education it doesn't really speak very highly of it (remember King Solomon and his wise counsel to all of us?). There is knowledge and then there is wisdom. Trying to become wise is like pouring the ocean into a glass. You'll never be the wisest and you'll never know everything there is to no about anything.

The smartest people I know NEVER went to college. That includes secular idols that are put up on a pedestal.

The smartest people I know are people who have read their Bibles and have become hard workers through wisdom they have acquired over vast periods of time in their daily lives. They are far greater and far wiser than anyone I have ever met that went to a college to get a degree. I have come to the conclusion that college for the most part makes a person stupider (not wiser). Now, don't get me wrong, I know some wise people that went to college, but I would say that most of them had to do a lot of deprogramming before they realized their full potential.

You want to be smart?

Learn to read your Bible.

Learn the ways of our Lord.

Leave the world to its own. Let the worldly chase worldly ideals and possessions.

If you do pursue a secular education, do it with a Godly perspective and understand that your identity is NOT in the college degree that you get, but in the Lord.

Seek wise counsel -- single friends attending college with you are NOT wise counsel!!

[jerkit]

A tiny part of me is concerned Lori is going to ban my phone IP lol. Today at work, I've spent 7 hours watching material come out of a reactor and every 20 minutes, I take a sample. I've obsessively refreshed waiting for new comments to come in haha.

[usmcmom]

I have absolutely no idea what this comment is about

Cabinet Man?!? Is that you?

The bolded seems like something he'd say to bolster his own non-college ego. At least, I think he didn't complete college. Anybody remember? Also, the user name "herecomestheLIGHT," sounds just like the kind of egotistical title he'd use for himself.

[jerkit]

Cabinet Man?!? Is that you?

The bolded seems like something he'd say to bolster his own non-college ego. At least, I think he didn't complete college. Anybody remember? Also, the user name "herecomestheLIGHT," sounds just like the kind of egotistical title he'd use for himself.

I think he's too egotistical NOT to use "cabinetman" or some variant thereof so everyone knows it's him

[Curious]

A tiny part of me is concerned Lori is going to ban my phone IP lol. Today at work, I've spent 7 hours watching material come out of a reactor and every 20 minutes, I take a sample. I've obsessively refreshed waiting for new comments to come in haha.

Unless you comment, I doubt you have much to worry about. Most blogs can only track visitors IPs if they comment. I don't go to her site, so I'm not sure if she has a stat counter or not. That could be a problem, but the odds of her knowing how to read the stats well enough to ban the right people are probably pretty slim.

Although this might explain the reduction in her traffic/comments :D

[proverbial1]

Hey guys:

I normally read way more than I ever post, and I'm not up on my reading because my schedule has changed. Anyway, I stumbled across this and I wanted to bring it to your attention. This is Lori posting and engaging on someone else's site. There are a couple of posts where readers really hold Lori's feet to the fire and confront her on issues in a way that she would never allow on her own blog.

Anyway, please forgive if you have already discussed it, and it's redundant. Thanks.

tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2014/08/mark-driscoll-mess-tells-us-marriage/#comment-194535

[usmcmom]

Hey guys:

I normally read way more than I ever post, and I'm not up on my reading because my schedule has changed. Anyway, I stumbled across this and I wanted to bring it to your attention. This is Lori posting and engaging on someone else's site. There are a couple of posts where readers really hold Lori's feet to the fire and confront her on issues in a way that she would never allow on her own blog.

Anyway, please forgive if you have already discussed it, and it's redundant. Thanks.

tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2014/08/mark-driscoll-mess-tells-us-marriage/#comment-194535

I've been watching Sheila's blog today. She quoted one of the commenters who called Lori out. The point of today's post was not about Lori, but about the main topic of that comment - personality types. So far, I haven't noticed a response from Lori, which surprises me since the original intent of the comment was to basically contradict her teachings.

Glad you dropped in. Let us know if you see any other tidbits. Do you regularly read Sheila's blog? I'm going to try to check in each day. I enjoy her writing.

[2xx1xy1JD]

It looks like some new incarnation of cabinetman commented on Lori's cabinetman post, and made a snide remark about Sheila's blog. Apparently, he's now proud to call himself the DICTATOR. I can't say anything further without running into Godwin's law.

[Hisey]

I'm sure Cassi's husband is a very sweet guy, but this is such a nerdy and funny picture of him. Scroll down and check out the pink striped pants! With a blue sweater vest!

[Coco]

She's certainly learned from an expert. :dance:

If Cassi thinks she's exhausted now, just wait til she's had a baby. Or two, or nine. :lol:

amen! :lol: those olden days of just being newlyweds coming home to an empty, clean house after 9-5 jobs.

It sounds like Lori's daughter has an illness so i don't blame her, but isn't it usually the case that a person's strength rises gradually to meet the demands? My sister and i were talking once about how our mom would give us advice on being keepers at home - in our mom's words, physically staying at home. Our mom can't handle doing a lot in a day (sort of like Lady Lydia) and she does have a food allergy related illness that flares up with stress. But she often used to tell us that being a mom with too many extra activities and leaving home a lot saps all energy... when my sis and i were talking about how we've found it really just gives us MORE energy. Something about not being stagnant... and it just proves that Lori is projecting her own self onto other's experiences which vary widely depending on circumstances. There's no one size fits all way to be a wife or mom. It's silly of Lori to blame anyone for anything they do or don't do, when she doesn't know their situation.

[feministxtian]

But don't you know that Lori's way is the only "true biblical way" to be a "keeper at home"? If you don't do it Lori's way then you're doing it all wrong and God is going to smite you and send you straight to hell?

[jerkit]

It looks like some new incarnation of cabinetman commented on Lori's cabinetman post, and made a snide remark about Sheila's blog. Apparently, he's now proud to call himself the DICTATOR. I can't say anything further without running into Godwin's law.

I said that in the CM closes up shop thread. I think it might be a CM sock.

[jerkit]

KEN HAS SPOKEN

I will speak for some of the submission camp to try and create some balance to this discussion. We do not believe that communications and conflict resolution is in and of itself fleshly or spiritual. What we believe is that such things can be used for fleshly or spiritual purposes depending on purpose, motivation and if the Spirit is in these things or not.

Non-Christians use these same skills to have good marriages. What makes these things spiritual besides ones purpose, motivation and the Spirit’s participation?

Think this through with me. If a wife wants to get her way, and she cannot convince her husband that he should go along with her, what will she do. If she is well schooled in the art of human relations by reading your blog, she will use these skills on her husband to appeal to his logic and love to convince him that she has a better way. Few in the submission camp has any problem with this. Even if she is using these things for selfish purposes we have no issue with her presenting her case, and all but a few Christian husbands, including the submission camp would invite such communications. What we object to is when she decides she knows best and turns her husband into a culpable follower instead of her leader.

Now keep going with the discussions and the husband still does not agree or refuses to change? She is sure he is wrong so she keeps using her conflict resolution skills, and now for what purpose? Her husband knows her position, he disagrees. She even demands that he set up another time to discuss the matter when he has clearly said he is not interested in continuing it. Are you going to tell me that the continued use of her conflict resolution skills is spiritual? If so, what makes them spiritual? The fact that she is sure she is right? And now what if she is wrong? What if it is all about control and having her way, all the time using these same skills you seem to believe are so spiritual?

Many of us who have lived through many years of practicing conflict resolution now realize that much of the time we were simply walking in the flesh and not the Spirit. This goes to husband and wife. We were using these skills to get our own way, to win the argument, to be in control. We now see a much better way, and we place as much responsibility or more on the husband to be sacrificial in his love for his wife, but we refuse to throw out the clear teaching of the Word concerning wifely submission just because it does not match up with modern society. And we find when a Biblical marriage functions as designed it is the highest plane of true oneness. We will not throw it out for the exceptions.

I hope you can see the point. There is nothing inherently spiritual with conflict resolution skills nor with submission, if either is used with the wrong purpose, the wrong motivation and without the Spirit. But to assume that a spouse is somehow being spiritual by using these tools is just as bad as believing such tools to be inherently spiritual. They are not. Especially if a wife is using these tools in clear violation of allowing her husband to lead.

[formergothardite]

I need more coffee. I have no idea what he said.

[jerkit]

I need more coffee. I have no idea what he said.

He's saying that because communication can be used by wives to manipulate their husbands, it should never be used and you should just submit.

[Tiger Lily]

I said that in the CM closes up shop thread. I think it might be a CM sock.

I very much agree. The writing style is slightly different (no random apostrophes that I can detect) yet this does sound like the very arrogant CM. Funny, reading his words again still has the ability to make me feel queasy. This time, however, he seems more angry and put out than ever (taken down by the evil feminists on FJ and by Sheila). How dare they???

Three more observations:

1. He criticizes Sheila for saying submission is voluntary when it's COMMANDED. Thing is, submission is voluntarily as is loving one's wife the way Christ loved the church. Jesus never forced anyone to do anything so in that sense, submission is a voluntarily action. A husband can't force a wife's submission any more than a wife can force a husband to love her the way Christ loved the church. Then again, CM is too obtuse to understand that.

2. He says that an unsubmissive wife will be rejected on Judgment Day. Can you imagine living with someone like that??? I really feel for his wife having to hear that crap on a regular basis. It would be a miracle if she had any spirit left.

3. Lori's planning another post on CM's comments. She's as lazy/unimaginative as ever!

[jerkit]

I very much agree. The writing style is slightly different (no random apostrophes that I can detect) yet this does sound like the very arrogant CM. Funny, reading his words again still has the ability to make me feel queasy. This time, however, he seems more angry and put out than ever (taken down by the evil feminists on FJ and by Sheila). How dare they???

Three more observations:

1. He criticizes Sheila for saying submission is voluntary when it's COMMANDED. Thing is, submission is voluntarily as is loving one's wife the way Christ loved the church. Jesus never forced anyone to do anything so in that sense, submission is a voluntarily action. A husband can't force a wife's submission any more than a wife can force a husband to love her the way Christ loved the church. Then again, CM is too obtuse to understand that.

2. He says that an unsubmissive wife will be rejected on Judgment Day. Can you imagine living with someone like that??? I really feel for his wife having to hear that crap on a regular basis. It would be a miracle if she had any spirit left.

3. Lori's planning another post on CM's comments. She's as lazy/unimaginative as ever!

1. Obeying God in general is a voluntary action. God does not supernatural force Christians to obey him. It is done willingly. Yes, God commands that we should do certain things, but we still have free will.

2. LOL. Works based salvation, anyone?

3. Lori has zero original thoughts other than "SUBMIT." Anything beyond that she has to get from other people.

[Tiger Lily]

KEN HAS SPOKEN

This is a not-so-veiled jab at Sheila and her marriage yet Ken doesn't realize (or care) that he's actually maligning her and her husband. He doesn't know them. He doesn't know if Sheila manipulates her husband with words or if her husband is too weak so he allows it. From what I gather, Sheila has a vibrant and healthy marriage. By comparison, Ken's seems dry and barren and devoid of JOY, lol.

[Tiger Lily]

KEN HAS SPOKEN

Kens talks of giving the discussion "balance" on Sheila's blog yet when does he advocate using balance on Lori's blog? Dissenting opinions are NEVER allowed there. They're simply deleted. Hypocrite much, Ken?

[jerkit]

Kens talks of giving the discussion "balance" on Sheila's blog yet when does he advocate using balance on Lori's blog? Dissenting opinions are NEVER allowed there. They're simply deleted. Hypocrite much, Ken?

Sheila called him out on that issue by saying that he and Lori have beat this dead horse in her comments section multiple times - her readers get it. But because she's a classy lady, she didn't delete his comments. *highfive* Sheila!

[Koala]

Ken, if I can summarize, what you’re really saying is:

1. The wife is pretty much always wrong. If she’s disagreeing, she’s simply “trying to get her wayâ€, which is unbiblical.

2. The only biblical thing for a wife to do is to submit in the Spirit, since conflict resolution is fleshly (even though Jesus specifically outlined the steps we are to take if we think someone else is in sin)

I find this bizarre, to be frank.

Here are two possible scenarios if a couple disagrees:

1. She acquiesces and does what he says.

2. The couple talks about it, wrestles through it, prays about it, and comes to a resolution.

Which looks more godly? The one that requires lots of prayer, lots of thinking of the other person, lots of unity-building–or the one where she simply says, “okay, that’s fineâ€. I feel as if you would prefer #1 over #2.

And yet if two people disagree, there are only three possibilities:

1. He is right and she is wrong.

2. She is right and he is wrong.

3. They are both wrong.

My husband and I believe that if we disagree, then that is a sign that we should be pray and figure it out–because the LAST thing we want is for one of us–or both of us–to be not hearing from God properly. We are a married couple; we want to work towards unity. And we pray that if we are not in God’s will, He will show us by making sure we disagree.

You think this is unbiblical; on the contrary, I think this is all about walking in the Spirit, living godly lives, and seeking each other’s best. It’s relying on prayer and growing your marriage. It’s feeling completely intimate.

I understand that you don’t agree, and think that the most biblical thing would be for him to make all the decisions. I think the most biblical thing is unity of thought and of purpose. I think it’s healthier to work towards unity of thought and purpose, and much more rewarding.

I know that you and Lori don’t think so, and I think we’ve had enough of a back and forth on this blog so that my readers see your viewpoint. I don’t think anything new is being said, and perhaps it’s time to leave it at that.

Blessings,

Sheila.

LOVE.IT!

[2xx1xy1JD]

This is a not-so-veiled jab at Sheila and her marriage yet Ken doesn't realize (or care) that he's actually maligning her and her husband. He doesn't know them. He doesn't know if Sheila manipulates her husband with words or if her husband is too weak so he allows it. From what I gather, Sheila has a vibrant and healthy marriage. By comparison, Ken's seems dry and barren and devoid of JOY, lol.

Conflict resolution did not work with Lori and Ken, because it was Lori and Ken. It's beyond clear that they were both heavily invested in being right and in control, and not in considering the feelings and POV of the other.

Mutual decision making can work quite well when spouses actually like, love and respect each other, and when treating each other in a kind and loving way is a given.

I'll give an example: there were times when my husband and I were house-hunting that he or I would hesitate about moving, or about buying a particular place. Objectively, some of the places we rejected would have been smart buys. If it didn't feel right, though, we respected that. My husband had some emotional issues with buying a 4 bedroom home after our 3rd miscarriage, because empty bedrooms were too much of a reminder of loss. If he would be unhappy or uncomfortable, it wasn't the right place at the right time, period. Same thing for me when I rejected the idea of moving when I had morning sickness.

[Koala]

I like this comment as well:

Ken, I have heard you say frequently that you are weary of dealing with the exceptions. I would argue that the situation you have described (where the wife is using conflict resolution simply to “get her wayâ€) is an exception and frankly, one *I* am weary of. The honest, respectful communication I am referring to and I am pretty certain Sheila is referring to is NOT what you describe here. It does not have nefarious intent like you describe, but an intent to bring unitIny and intimacy to the marriage.

In other words, Ken and Lori are the equivalent of a pack of wolves, and THEY are the exception :nenner: