Katie and Travis 5: Baby Makes Three

[GuineaPigCourtship]

@Keys I thought bed sharing is the one thing I would NEVER be flexible on at all.  I tried hard to sleep train without success (I'd say mostly due to my husband struggling with it) and I have a 2yo who still sleeps with me.  It does get better once they're over a year and bigger and you're less worried about them in bed.  There are some positives, too, which is that this really supported my breast feeding journey esp on the nights when she woke up every 30 minutes to nurse.  And this morning she woke me up by holding my face in both hands, giving me a kiss, and saying a very perky "hi, mama!"  I've had worse mornings.

[PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea]

On 2/26/2023 at 1:16 AM, Keys said:

I was NOT prepared for how hard the sleep situation would be. At all. The first night home from the hospital was a dream, she only woke twice. I thought, wow this isn’t bad at all. Well, joke was on me! After that she would wake up consistently 10-20 minutes after putting her in the bassinet. We tried everything. Then the sleep deprivation got so bad that I fell asleep feeding her a couple of times in bed, which was terrifying. Ended up bed-sharing, something I thought I’d never do, because it was the only way I’d get to sleep. 8 months in now and I still have a baby who will not sleep in her crib despite trying all the things for the last several months. In all seriousness, the constant sleep struggle has made me want to be one and done. Don’t know how people have more than one, honestly! 

Despite the APA 's dire warnings, bed sharing is fine if you do it safely. Many babies demand to co-sleep. Pretty much all mammals do it. You're fine!

[Nothing if not critical]

With my second kiddo, I got a Babybay co-sleeper crib that attached to the side of my bed and it was a game changer. If she woke up at night, I'd just roll her over to me, nurse her without having to get up, and then move her back into her safe space. It was the best of both worlds, really, and it helped us a lot. Once she outgrew it, she was big enough to mostly sleep through the night.

[fluffernutter]

I loved having babies, but I'll tell you, that sleep deprivation was brutal. I've always had a terrible time falling and staying asleep, and the anxiety over worrying if the baby would wake up or stay asleep didn't help. I'd be exhausted but too freaked out to go to sleep. Co-sleeping helped somewhat, but we would eventually want our space back and then the transition to a crib suuuuuucked so bad. The one time I tried CIO my poor toddler threw up on herself and I didn't know. 😢 I've never forgiven myself over that. I had PPD ranging from mild to needing medication with all of them and I swear looking back it seemed like most of it stemmed from lack of sleep. 

Edited February 27, 2023 by fluffernutter

[CanadianMamam]

My first was a great sleeper and I never considered co-sleeping. Then my second was born and he could not sleep unless he was attached to my breast, so I co&slept for 6 months out of necessity. My third night have been a good sleeper, but we will never know. She was a preemie and had to be on a strict 3 hour feeding schedule (moved to 4 hours and then at 4 months adjusted I finally got to move it to 6 hours) and so for that first month or so she was home, we were waking her up every 3 hours and I was exhausted (because I was also pumping). 

My kids are 11, 9 and 6 and they still sometimes fall asleep in our bed and the little one comes in when she wakes up, but that is it. So our bed is our own again (except for the occasional nightmare). 

[SassyPants]

My GD who is 9 might still co sleep most of the time. It’s cultural-

[Satan'sFortress]

I don't think you can understand new parent sleep deprivation until it happens to you. I once slept all night in the crib with my baby because it was the only way he'd stop crying. I think he was probably around a year old. Not sure why that seemed like the best choice at the time.

He'll be 21 at the end of this week and now sleeps just fine without me. 

Edited February 28, 2023 by Satan'sFortress

[GuineaPigCourtship]

I like to think of everything as a phase, some just lasting longer than others.  When people ask me why she's still nursing at two, I tell them I already have a plan to wean her before she leaves for college and that usually shuts them up.  We're all just trying to muddle through the best we can and even when it doesn't feel like it during the sleepless nights or the endless tantrums (light of my world, you JUST ASKED for that cheese stick do not throw it on the floor and then tell me you're hungry!!), we're probably doing just fine.

[JDuggs]

Katie and Travis are bringing Hailey in for a followup appointment with the pediatrician to check for jaundice. I guess people have been pointing out Hailey’s skin tone in the comments. The Clarks and the doc seem on top of it.

Edited March 1, 2023 by JDuggs
Typo

[Johannah]

Did anyone else notice in the birth video how many times Katie said the baby was pretty? And then something to the effect of, I worried she wouldn’t be, or I had a dream she wasn’t, or something like that. And then said, but she is, she’s so pretty. Over and over.

We heard really no other comments about the baby’s behavior, expressions, disposition, level of sleepiness, gaze, or even use of the word cute, which is generally more typical of baby descriptions. No, just pretty.

I hope it’s only a sign of a deficit in Katie’s vocabulary and not a harbinger of superficial things to come…

[WatchingTheTireFireBurn]

Considering that Carlin had to put on a ton of makeup so that the baby would think she was pretty and love her best (according to Carlin)...I expect being actual "pretty" is very important.

 

Edited March 1, 2023 by WatchingTheTireFireBurn
Typo as always

[JermajestyDuggar]

22 hours ago, GuineaPigCourtship said:

I like to think of everything as a phase, some just lasting longer than others.  When people ask me why she's still nursing at two, I tell them I already have a plan to wean her before she leaves for college and that usually shuts them up.  We're all just trying to muddle through the best we can and even when it doesn't feel like it during the sleepless nights or the endless tantrums (light of my world, you JUST ASKED for that cheese stick do not throw it on the floor and then tell me you're hungry!!), we're probably doing just fine.

I planned to nurse for 6 months only. I did it for 2.5 years. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Plans change all the time when it comes to kids. The best parenting strategy in my book is adaptability. 

[JDuggs]

Poor Katie. Apparently Hailey is a little jaundiced but the doctor was more concerned that she’s not back up to her birthweight yet. If she’s not up to her birthweight by Friday, the doctor wants them to supplement with formula. Katie seemed very hormonally emotional about this news.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I hate when new moms feel guilty for supplementing with formula. I bet Hailey will do great with the supplementing and all will be well. Katie is probably just emotional because she had a baby 10 days ago. But I still hate when moms feel bad about this stuff. 

[GuineaPigCourtship]

Poor Katie, feeling like you can't provide enough for your baby is a terrible feeling.  There's no shame in formula as a supplement or a solo option, but for people who really want to stay breast milk only check out your local facebook group of human milk 4 human babies.  I donated several thousand ounces to local moms through them while I was pumping because I produced more than my daughter needed during my long hours away.

[TaraJade7]

On 2/21/2023 at 1:39 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

Literally every baby item they buy would have been way past my budget. I went with graco car seats and strollers and I thought they were expensive. 

You are correct!  I notice too that every item seems to be a really expensive one - (light fixture for nursery, etc.) & Travis' mom ended up getting them one of those rocker type bassinets (idk what it is called) and it mimics the womb.  That thing is nearly $2k when I looked it up.  I'm sure they have been gifted quite a number of things also.  What is it exactly that Travis does for his job? It must pay very well bc they have really nice furnishings in the house & he has that Tesla too.  I'm sure they make good as far as his singing & social media, etc. but they do seem to really favor the nicer things in life (nothing wrong with that) it's just that a lot of young 20yr olds probably do not have all of those things just starting out, so good for them.

[rebeccawriter01]

14 hours ago, Johannah said:

Did anyone else notice in the birth video how many times Katie said the baby was pretty? And then something to the effect of, I worried she wouldn’t be, or I had a dream she wasn’t, or something like that. And then said, but she is, she’s so pretty. Over and over.

We heard really no other comments about the baby’s behavior, expressions, disposition, level of sleepiness, gaze, or even use of the word cute, which is generally more typical of baby descriptions. No, just pretty.

I hope it’s only a sign of a deficit in Katie’s vocabulary and not a harbinger of superficial things to come…

Most of the Bateses (and others) do this. It bothers me so much. I try hard to use other adjectives with my daughters, especially as they have gotten older. Occasionally, the Bateses throw in a smart, but that should, in my opinion be the norm and not the exception. I can't take credit for it, but my own therapist suggested it to me in regards to complimenting my children. "You're so talented as an artist." "You can run so fast. That's amazing." "You were so nice to your sister. I love to see that." "You read that whole book without a single mistake. You're so smart." Compliments like that help a child feel seen and appreciated. It helps motivate them to be more than cute or pretty. It's hard for infants, but I try to get into that practice with my children and others. A friend had her daughter in ballet and out of 150 social media comments 142 were about how cute she was in her costume. I wrote that it was a pretty costume and that the way she was pointing her toe was a sign that she was a great dancer.

[JermajestyDuggar]

33 minutes ago, TaraJade7 said:

You are correct!  I notice too that every item seems to be a really expensive one - (light fixture for nursery, etc.) & Travis' mom ended up getting them one of those rocker type bassinets (idk what it is called) and it mimics the womb.  That thing is nearly $2k when I looked it up.  I'm sure they have been gifted quite a number of things also.  What is it exactly that Travis does for his job? It must pay very well bc they have really nice furnishings in the house & he has that Tesla too.  I'm sure they make good as far as his singing & social media, etc. but they do seem to really favor the nicer things in life (nothing wrong with that) it's just that a lot of young 20yr olds probably do not have all of those things just starting out, so good for them.

 Both of them have money thanks to their parents. Katie has money because she has a built in following thanks to her parents selling her childhood. Travis has money because his parents pay him money to “work” for the family. They are very lucky. The vast majority of people their age do not have access to that kind of money. 

[SassyPants]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

 Both of them have money thanks to their parents. Katie has money because she has a built in following thanks to her parents selling her childhood. Travis has money because his parents pay him money to “work” for the family. They are very lucky. The vast majority of people their age do not have access to that kind of money. 

Few people of childbearing you have that kind of money without working so hard and so many hours that many don’t/can’t consider having kids. That’s the part that gets me. Lots of money, no obvious concern for building a secure financial future; securing a nest egg and the freedom to travel and socialize at will. 

1 hour ago, TaraJade7 said:

You are correct!  I notice too that every item seems to be a really expensive one - (light fixture for nursery, etc.) & Travis' mom ended up getting them one of those rocker type bassinets (idk what it is called) and it mimics the womb.  That thing is nearly $2k when I looked it up.  I'm sure they have been gifted quite a number of things also.  What is it exactly that Travis does for his job? It must pay very well bc they have really nice furnishings in the house & he has that Tesla too.  I'm sure they make good as far as his singing & social media, etc. but they do seem to really favor the nicer things in life (nothing wrong with that) it's just that a lot of young 20yr olds probably do not have all of those things just starting out, so good for them.

I’ve known people who have used those rockers, but they rented them from a company. A baby doesn’t stay in a bassinet very long. That’s what I always tell young couples; a baby isn’t a baby very long, so buying all.the.stuff is a waste. NOW, most couples aren’t having more than 2-3 kids. For those aiming for one a year, maybe you do buy all the stuff.

[JDuggs]

20 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

Few people of childbearing you have that kind of money without working so hard and so many hours that many don’t/can’t consider having kids. That’s the part that gets me. Lots of money, no obvious concern for building a secure financial future; securing a nest egg and the freedom to travel and socialize at will. 

I’ve known people who have used those rockers, but they rented them from a company. A baby doesn’t stay in a bassinet very long. That’s what I always tell young couples; a baby isn’t a baby very long, so buying all.the.stuff is a waste. NOW, most couples aren’t having more than 2-3 kids. For those aiming for one a year, maybe you do buy all the stuff.

I’m not sure if it’s worth it to be upset over the fact that Katie and Travis have and spend money. Travis sees the lives of his parents and other family members and expects his to be the same: wealthy from running a church, school and college. They’re not saving for their kids to go to college; they own a college. And I’m sure Travis’s dad has a lot of influence on their financial decisions.

And all the expensive baby stuff they buy won’t end up in a landfill immediately after they’re done having kids. There are plenty of family members who will be able to use their baby stuff when they’re finished with it.

[JermajestyDuggar]

2 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Few people of childbearing you have that kind of money without working so hard and so many hours that many don’t/can’t consider having kids. That’s the part that gets me. Lots of money, no obvious concern for building a secure financial future; securing a nest egg and the freedom to travel and socialize at will. 

I’ve known people who have used those rockers, but they rented them from a company. A baby doesn’t stay in a bassinet very long. That’s what I always tell young couples; a baby isn’t a baby very long, so buying all.the.stuff is a waste. NOW, most couples aren’t having more than 2-3 kids. For those aiming for one a year, maybe you do buy all the stuff.

I bought used baby stuff and then I sold a lot of it when I was done. I will say I think it’s a smart idea for the Duggars to buy used baby stuff like they do. There are some baby items that barely ever get used and they are in great shape for the next family to use. I still buy a lot of used clothes for my boys because they are so hard on clothing. It just seems pointless to buy them brand new clothing all the time. 

[SassyPants]

3 hours ago, JDuggs said:

I’m not sure if it’s worth it to be upset over the fact that Katie and Travis have and spend money. Travis sees the lives of his parents and other family members and expects his to be the same: wealthy from running a church, school and college. They’re not saving for their kids to go to college; they own a college. And I’m sure Travis’s dad has a lot of influence on their financial decisions.

And all the expensive baby stuff they buy won’t end up in a landfill immediately after they’re done having kids. There are plenty of family members who will be able to use their baby stuff when they’re finished with it.

Hopefully they will pass it on but how come there was no one passing on stuff to them? I know they are the first to have a baby, but who’s to say that his sibs won’t want brand spanking new stuff too?

[CanadianMamam]

48 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

Hopefully they will pass it on but how come there was no one passing on stuff to them? I know they are the first to have a baby, but who’s to say that his sibs won’t want brand spanking new stuff too?

I could see them passing it onto a family in their church when they are done having kids, if not someone in the family (and I doubt passing onto his siblings will really work as Kayla is already pregnant and due soon and I bet Mike and his wife will be soon). 

My husband is the youngest and we got a mix of hand-me downs and new stuff. My SIL saved several big items for us (like the crib) but we also got gifted several big items new. It was a good mix. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I passed some stuff onto my cousin. I love seeing the kids wearing my children’s old clothing or playing with their old toys. 

[CanadianMamam]

2 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I passed some stuff onto my cousin. I love seeing the kids wearing my children’s old clothing or playing with their old toys. 

Yes! I passed on baby clothes to a variety of friends and I loved seeing their kids in my kids old stuff. We had a friend who recently had a baby in the same month as our oldest (but 11 years later) and passed on his first Halloween costume. It was so sweet to see the new babe in it.