Bro Gary Hawkins 19: God Even Uses the Perforated People

[thoughtful]

Continuing the Git Some Guts message from 10/15, Gary reads:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalms+23%3A2-3&version=KJV

"Ah think we oughta have some, prob'ly get some guts an' live raht f'r God. Brother Gene Gouge mentioned last naht hey listen clothing on a woman is as - should be different than clothing on a man, amen. Live raht, act raht, spit white, talk raht, hey, but ah'm gonna tellya somthin' , the insahd, if ya ever get the insahd in raht, ah'll tellya, the outsahd won't be quite as hard amen."

Well, sure - that's the traditional interpretation of the 23rd Psalm, right? Maybe all of that white spitting is how the pasture got so green.

Gary comes closer to getting Gene's last name right this time, although it sounds more like he's saying "Gooch" (as in Agnes), rather than "Googe," which, as far as I know, is the correct pronunciation. I guess it's better than making him the lost Bee Gee.

He talks about a preacher's wife, years ago, in New York, who looked at Becky and said (according to Gary), "'Ah'm jallous, 'cause of the way you are.' That's pretty sick, t'be jallous against somebody, amen?"

And he goes on to say that jealousy is what's killing the IFB churches.

Gary, if you are going to have a single, simple, black-and-white answer to all of life's problems, you need to pick one and settle on it. Sin, jealousy, smartphones, modern music, lack of prayer - I'm sure I'm leaving out a bunch that you have named in the recent past. They can't all be the problem, Gary.

He shrieks about being holy for a while, and uses the phrase "spittin' white" again. I did find an example of it, in Henry IV, part 2, of all places, being spoken by Falstaff, and nobody seems to know what he meant by it. So we may never know whether it's "spit right" or "spit white" that Gary wants to say, and whether he has a clue what he is saying.

"Somebody was out in Texas one tahm, an' she dresses lahk she's supposed to, far as  out an' about."

Captions:

Spoiler

Someone came up to whoever this woman in Texas was and said "You must be a Holiness." Gary thinks that's a shame, that a woman in a dress would be taken for "a Holiness," rather than a Baptists, because Baptists aren't dressing as they should.

Oh, and he claims that Holiness people only do that because they think that's what gets them into Heaven. Of course.

"Get some guts an' live raht. How 'bout goin' to Daniel chapter three."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=daniel+3%3A16-18&version=KJV

Shadrach and his "crew," as Sarah Maxwell would say.

KJV: be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.
Bro Gary Version: be it known unto thee, O king, that we will serve thy gods, nor worship the golden images which we have - which thou hast set up before us.

"How about havin' some guts realizin' what God. Is. A-capable. Of. Doin'?"

How is that gutsy, Gary?

I think a childhood joke sneaks through when Gary tries to say the names of the three youths in the furnace again - it comes out "Shadrach, Mesach an' a billy goat." He corrects himself quickly, but the captions are feeling blue:

Spoiler

A woman (Becky?) laughs, and Gary mumbles something like "At least ya got somethin' outta that," the goes back to screaming - we don't hate sin enough, and lots of other familiar automaGary stuff.

While blasting his vocal cords about how "God is still able" we get "but most of us think God's some crippled up man that cain't do anything, He's poppin' pills he's worried about Worshington DC!"

Gary, who is this "most of us" of whom you speak? I doubt if anyone who believes in a deity pictures that!

Gary repeats his theory that maybe God sent Covid to test His people, and that "the people of God" who didn't pray enough, churches that closed doors during "the Covid," and America allowing abortions, are to blame for the mess he thinks the country is in.

"Ah'm lookin' forward t'gettin' mah truck fixed, ah'm gonna put that Donald Trump thing on mah - ah'm gonna have a statue of him, amen! But he's still not gonna be God. God is the one that allowed Trump t'do what Trump done."

His latest attempt at Gene's name has the captions doing this:

Spoiler

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=daniel+6%3A10&version=KJV

Daniel was defying the government, and Gary says we should, as well. As usual, he scorns those who used Romans 13 "as an excuse" to close their church during Covid. He quotes Matthew, and the captions take his pronunciation literally:

Spoiler

Gary has quoted the verse from Daniel before, and he never seems to realize that it doesn't support his crap about going to church at all. Daniel was defying a government authority by praying (which our government has not forbidden, so that's moot), but he was praying in his own house.

While Gary is bellowing about Daniel and how we should all be like him, his Donald Trump phone ring goes off, drowning him out (for us, anyway - going by the fact that nobody, including Gary, ever reacts when this happens, I assume they can't hear it), and the captions mix it all together:

Spoiler

That should be "bow," not "battle," btw - the captions completely reversed Gary's meaning. I love it when they do that.

Then comes Buddha and Mohammed screaming in Hell, the Catholics crawling on their bloody knees to statues of Mary in Mexico, Mary had to get saved just like anybody else, Timothy told Paul - Paul told Timothy these days are coming, people bow, they don't stand, puppets in the pulpits, yo-yos, people can't help you, only  God.

Pretty much Gary's Greatest Hits, during which he is competing with the ever-louder sound of the siren on an approaching fire truck, which finally goes by.

Spoiler

Gary, as a non-believer, I'm seeing some irony in your screaming about God being more helpful than people as a fire truck goes by. But I bet even most believers would think the people on that truck are much, much more helpful than you'll ever be.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+17%3A20&version=KJV

"How 'bout this, git some guts and just face the mountain you got, amen?"

After babbling about how we cause our own problems, by listening to the devil, he mentions the mustard seeds again, and how his grandmother planted some, and it grew better over the septic tank. A woman says "Ehhh" in a disgusted voice.

I thought that was Creasy salad, Gary, not mustard.

He drags out the preachers in Canada going to jail for having church, and how it's coming to the US, and mocks his listeners, for no apparent reason:

Spoiler

"Passing fire," of course, is what the captions made of Gary's pronunciation of pacifier.

"Ah'm lookin' for the 'lectric chair."

Ah, an oldie but a goodie.

He says if you "don't take the shot" and you're on Medicare, they'll take it away from you, and bravely adds, "They can have it."

I couldn't even find that rumor anywhere - just this, which is about a false claim that Social Security would be withheld.

Josh told him that, "if you go to the hospital, they can deny you. It's OK - ah ah'll dah. Hey, don't threaten me with Heaven. Amen?"

"When they pass the next stim'lus check, they'll never see another tax form filled out with Gary Hawkins, ah'm willin' t'go to jail, ah'm willin' t'dah."

Considering that Gary talks about Becky doing their taxes as part of one of his sermons, we'll probably hear how that didn't happen, in a few months.

Also, I think when Gary talks about the "next stimulus check," he is thinking of the whole Build Back Better plan - I guess he can't keep the details in his head, and just thinks of it as "the socialism country" giving money to people.

"Go to Romans, real quick-like."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans+1%3A16&version=KJV

"How 'bout mannin' up, git some guts and not be ashamed of Christ?"

He screams about how he bravely is unashamed of Jesus, and how his Trump 2024 hat pulls people in so he can talk about Jesus,

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+9%3A24-28&version=KJV

KJV: Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible.
BGV: Now they do - do it to obtain a corrupt crown; but we are incorruptible.

You ought to have some guts about being determined to serve God.

"You better determine not to quit. Wha? Because of Calvary."

Captions:

Spoiler

Wait - I thought you were a Baptist!

"Then go to Feezions chapter 2, an' ah'm done."

Captions:

Spoiler

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+2%3A1-3&version=KJV

Are you quickened?

He tells them how no fire on earth is as bad as Hell, asks if they've ever "smelled somebody burnt", tells the gruesome story about Becky's uncle who worked on gas wells, and reiterates that he has smelled burning human flesh.

Then he blabblabs the usual ending stuff about getting saved before it's too late, with a few unnecessary anecdotes they've probably heard dozens of times thrown in.

[Joyster]

39 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

 

Captions:

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This one and the gov indigo were my favorite close captioning screenshots of this recap. Gary will be at Hillcrest Baptist Church in Rochester, Indiana tomorrow.  To advertise Gary's hell stomping preaching, the church used a screen shot of Gary preaching with close captioning; unfortunately, it wasn't one of the funny ones.  

 

 

[smittykins]

12 hours ago, thoughtful said:

“Shadrach, Mesach an' a billy goat." 

When Mom was a kid, it was “Shadrach, Mesach, and To-Bed-We-Go.”

Quote

Mary had to get saved just like anybody else,

So apparently according to Gary(and Jack Chick as well), Mary had to say the Sinner’s Prayer to her own son.  I wondered when that happened?  At his birth?  At his baptism?  While he was hanging on the cross?  The mind boggles.

Edited November 7, 2021 by smittykins

[thoughtful]

Ah, the "old fashion" ways. These people need a slogan - how about "Undereducated fundamentalists, leaving off some endings and adding random others (especially s or 's) since  . . . forever."

1 hour ago, smittykins said:

So apparently according to Gary(and Jack Chick as well), Mary had to say the Sinner’s Prayer to her own son.  I wondered when that happened?  At his birth?  At his baptism?  While he was hanging on the cross?  The mind boggles.

Oh, no! Not the Sinner's Prayer! Gary detests people who use the Sinner's Prayer! What you say when you're saved has to be individual, from the heart, whatever God has you "under conviction" to say and do.

I guess he thinks she got saved after the resurrection.

As the video from 10/17 begins, it is still light out, and we can see that they have moved the lectern so that the "front" is now in a different spot. Gary is saying they have to pray about something and leave it in God's hands (at this point, I almost assume it's a horrible case of Covid in an unvaccinated person) and announcing 1 Peter chapter 1. Jacob is going around turning on the lights by tightening each bulb individually.

Spoiler

While exhorting listeners to invite people to the revival, Gary tells them they went to Bojangles the previous night (hey, Gary, who paid? Josh? Daddy?) after Brother Ernie "got us over to where we're stayin' at" (no room in Daddy's basement?), and "a group of kids - ah call 'em kids" were there. Gary invited them, then the people who worked there, then people in a supermarket, to come to the revival.

They were in the supermarket because "mah wahf needed a few things." Gary, I doubt Becky was buying frills for herself only. She was probably buying food and cleaning supplies and toilet paper for all three of you. Acting like men are allergic to stores is infantile.

He tells them to stand for the reading, and we hear Jacob's voice reminding him to take up an offering. Gary says "Well, praise the Lord - ya cain't be a Baptist church if ya don't take up an offering."

Gary, don't mock the hand that feeds you. Jacob was probably just trying to make sure he'll be able to eat the next day.

Gary says a prayer for the offering, then tells Jacob "Go for it."

Go for it? Really, Gary?

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+peter+1%3A1-10&version=KJV

KJV: Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ, to the strangers scattered throughout Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia, and Bithynia
Bro Gary Version: Peter, an apostle of Jesus Chrise, to the strangers of scattered throughout Pontius, Geteeya, an' Caprius, Asia, and Berteeya

Hey, he said Asia correctly!

KJV: ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:
BGV: ye rejoice with unspeakable and full of glory:

He makes lots of other errors, and seems to be consistently having a difficult time putting the "t" at the end of Christ - it comes out "Chrise" almost every time. Maybe his teeth were hurting that night. And diligently, as usual, is "diligily."

"Now we're talkin' about - this raht here is talkin' about people that are goin' t'Heaven, amen? An' the tahtle of mah message is Who's Goin' t'Heaven?"

Wow - that was quick! Maybe Becky or one of his "preacher friends" has been helping him be more concise.

Well, maybe not - after he announces the title, he babbles on about how he's not going to tell you who he thinks is going to Heaven, he's going to tell you "Biblically who's goin' to Heaven."

And he screams on about the various ways people think they are going to get there, including the man who told him "the other day" that he lives holy so he can get to Heaven. Gary, that was weeks ago, in New York (if it happened at all), and lots of other things we've all heard before (did you know that Jesus hung on an old wooden cross? I bet that was news to Gary's family).

He yells, "Ah'm just tellin' ya tonaht, but how t' - who goes t'Heaven? Listen, you think about this much. Ah'm gonna use some - ah'm gonna use some people tonaht that most of of ya prob'ly would - especially if you have - have ever watched television back in the days, but Charlie Angels, has any of body ever remember watchin' that show? The four girls and the gah that was over it? There was one in there her name was Farrah Fawcetts. Farrah Fawcett now you listen t'me all the way ah'm not tellin' ya where she went she's in eternity she knows this for sure."

"But years ago, she  came from a place called Corpus Christi Texas. An' in Corpus Christi Texas you kin go oh - you kin go home an' google this an' look this up, but in Corpus Christi Texas they had a place - a man named Lester Roloff in that area  that started a men - a children's home an' a girls' home. An' Farrah Faws an' ah'm talkin' about a good bahble-believin' preacher that preached, he trahd t'help chil'ren trahd to help Texas trahd t'destroy him, an' God finally took him home after so many years, an' everything, but Farrah Fawcett was in that home at one tahm. She had been taught the gospel ah even asked mah wahf, before somebody dahs ah personally believe they will hear the gospel whether they accept it or not amen? Ah personally believe that."

"But ah wanna say tonaht Farrah Fawcett, listen hey she had an opportunity, but she jumped the fence. She left that place. You say wha? She didn't wanna hear about God." 

That was . . . something. Even for Gary, this was way out there. I could find nothing about Farrah Fawcett ever having been in one of Roloff's horrible jails. She was born and raised in Corpus Christi Texas and went to public schools there. She was already 21 when the first Roloff home for girls was opened.

The captions generally do OK with Gary in this segment, but have a bit of trouble with the last three iterations of "Farrah Fawcett:"

Spoiler

I need to clear my head.

[Xan]

4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

but Farrah Fawcett was in that home at one tahm

What the hell?  Has he gotten her mixed up with somebody else or did some other insane preacher make this story up and Gary heard it?  Her family was Catholic and she started out in Catholic schools before ending up in public schools.  Maybe it's that swimsuit poster that put young Gary over some edge from which he has never recovered.   Who knows?

My theory is that Gary is having to preach too often now and it taxes his already feeble brain.  Tomorrow night he'll probably be saying that he personally ministered to William Shatner and Shatner agreed to eat Chinese with him in heaven.

(Anytime you want to skip his sermons, just tell us, @thoughtful.  Either we'll agree to just be less informed or we can try listening to some of them for you.  This many Bro Gary sermons is starting to look like torture and you're too valuable to lose.)

[thoughtful]

Continuing Gary's 10/17 message, as the sun sets over Old Paths Baptist whatever, hoping he will go on to use other dead celebrities in his inspiring message, I hear a long rant of automatic Garying (it's like automatic writing, but louder. Much, much louder).

He does his usual ending stuff (you better be sure you're saved, rich man lifted his eyes in torment, Hell is an awful place, etc.) at only 13 minutes in - Gary you're all out of order!

At one point in his mindless screaming, he says something about New Life Community Church, so maybe that's where they were, not at the church of Daddy Danny. It would explain the different background. So, Gary got somebody to take down his tent and put it up again, I guess.

Sorry for the error - names of churches are not listed on Gary's or Becky's Facebook, or the Youtube channel, these days.

"'S'everybody awraht? Look in Luke chapter 13."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+13%3A3-5&version=KJV

You need to repent for salvation. He screams about that for a while.

This happens:

Spoiler

Gary says "Hallelujah praise the Lord. It'll be awraht."

He picks up his Bible, Jacob picks up and fixes everything else.

While screaming about repentance, Gary quotes Galatians from memory: Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.

Spoiler

"Look in Luke chapter ten real quick-like."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+10%3A20&version=KJV

He manages to screw up about half of it, then tells us who else is going to Heaven - "people that  - are - their name's written in Heaven."

As he's screaming, his Bible falls off of the little lectern. He go right on yelling as he picks up the Bible and someting else, and lets it fall.

Spoiler

Gary, you're a trouper - real show biz.

 Gary screams about his place of salvation, but the captions don't seem to know about Marion, SC:

Spoiler

And now I have to listen to this song:

 

He does the rest without his Bible, just quoting verses he knows by heart. So it's all old familiar riffs.

At one point, while doing his "I could change my name, but I'd still have the Hawkins blood in me" bit, he mentions that he likes his name, and says he's warned his children that, if they ever name a grandchild of his something that he can't pronounce, "ah'm gonna tell that chahld you hated their guts."

He says a distant family member just died, and Gary doesn't know if he's in Heaven or Hell. Gary says that, instead of talking about the man who died, whoever speaks at the funeral should just preach salvation, because somebody there may not know Jesus.

In his anybody-could-die-any-second bit, he asks how many people they know who died under the age of 30, and "how many people you know that was born still?"

And he goes on to tell stories of people dying unexpectedly, the tale of Becky's blood clots, and Mrs. McFadden's death.

You better make sure yer saved.

[Black Aliss]

On 11/6/2021 at 7:49 PM, thoughtful said:

After babbling about how we cause our own problems, by listening to the devil, he mentions the mustard seeds again, and how his grandmother planted some, and it grew better over the septic tank. A woman says "Ehhh" in a disgusted voice.

Ehhhh is right. Grandmother's mustard was growing over a cesspool, not a septic tank. Septic tanks are completely enclosed on top so something is definitely wrong if the soil above it is getting extra, er, fertilizer.

On 11/6/2021 at 7:49 PM, thoughtful said:

"Ah'm lookin' forward t'gettin' mah truck fixed, ah'm gonna put that Donald Trump thing on mah - ah'm gonna have a statue of him, amen!

I guess now we need updated lyrics for Plastic Jesus

[thoughtful]

39 minutes ago, Xan said:

(Anytime you want to skip his sermons, just tell us, @thoughtful.  Either we'll agree to just be less informed or we can try listening to some of them for you.  This many Bro Gary sermons is starting to look like torture and you're too valuable to lose.)

Aw, thanks!

At least the last one ended up having very little new content after the Farrah Fable, so I didn't need to stop and go over any of it.

Sometimes I think about skipping some, but each one seems to have some gem of amazing craziness, offensive shit I want you all to know about so you can share my outrage, or a hysterical error in Gary's reading or the captions.

I guess I have FOMGI - fear of missing Gary's insanity.

[Ozlsn]

7 hours ago, thoughtful said:

In his anybody-could-die-any-second bit, he asks how many people they know who died under the age of 30, and "how many people you know that was born still?"

Really Gary? That is one of the most stupid and offensive things he's managed to come out with. I cannot imagine being in a church and having someone come out with that. 

[postscript]

He’s going to get pissy if his kids name his grandkids something he can’t pronounce? Given his adventures with the English language, that eliminates a lot of names, including more than a few from the Bible. Although given his attitude that potential grandchildren are evil beings who need to be corrected, perhaps keeping Gary away from them would be the best course for all concerned. 

[AmazonGrace]

Gary is that you (cartoon)

https://www.instagram.com/p/CV-x_IvJi6M/?utm_medium=copy_link

Edited November 8, 2021 by AmazonGrace

[thoughtful]

7 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

Really Gary? That is one of the most stupid and offensive things he's managed to come out with.

And nothing new. He's talked about stillborn babies, and going to funerals with tiny coffins, often, as part of his "people die all the time, at any age, you better get saved" bullshit.

4 hours ago, postscript said:

Given his adventures with the English language, that eliminates a lot of names, including more than a few from the Bible

He often says he's glad his Momma didn't know all of those Biblical names when she named him.

He'd be OK with any that have become common in English-speaking countries, I imagine. We know he can say Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Jacob, Paul, Caleb and Timothy.

Although, if any of his kids named one child Timothy and another Paul, he'd never be able to remember which one initiated a conversation. 😁

For girls, he'd probably not be OK with Mary, for fear a child had turned Catholic. I know he can say Martha, Ruth (the name of his first grandchild), Eve and Sarah.

Hey, Gary's kids! Name your kids Mahershalalhashbaz, Zaphnathpaaneah, Tilgathpilneser, Chushanrishathaim, Berodachbaladan, and kick Gary out of your lives.

Yes, those are Biblical names. I found them here.

4 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

Gary is that you (cartoon)

https://www.instagram.com/p/CV-x_IvJi6M/?utm_medium=copy_link

Any chance of your posting a screen shot of this? Non-instagrammers (including me) can't see it.

[AmazonGrace]

By asherperlman:

[smittykins]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

And nothing new. He's talked about stillborn babies, and going to funerals with tiny coffins, often, as part of his "people die all the time, at any age, you better get saved" bullshit.

Has he ever said whether he believes babies go to heaven, since we know it’s well nigh impossible for an infant to “get saved”?

[Ozlsn]

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

And nothing new. He's talked about stillborn babies, and going to funerals with tiny coffins, often, as part of his "people die all the time, at any age, you better get saved" bullshit.

Oh I know- he just managed to hit two of my buttons (dealing with idiots, infant mortality) on a low tolerance day. Seriously I know it's been said before but this cult is so obsessed with death and the potential afterlife that they forget to live. And I would hate to be in that congregation having lost an infant (or any relative) and be grieving while wondering if they were saved, and having the constant reminders of death. Gary has the empathy of a mortar explosion, although at least he's too lazy to try as pasture himself.

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

For girls, he'd probably not be OK with Mary, for fear a child had turned Catholic.

Nominative determinism at its finest. And it's probably happen because she'd be sick to death of Gary 'joking' about  it and go "you know what? Let's give it a whirl..."

[AmazonGrace]

@thoughtful

Quote

Gary, if you are going to have a single, simple, black-and-white answer to all of life's problems, you need to pick one and settle on it. Sin, jealousy, smartphones, modern music, lack of prayer - I'm sure I'm leaving out a bunch that you have named in the recent past. They can't all be the problem, Gary.

I'm pretty sure the problem is that most people aren't Gary. If everyone was Gary everyone would be perfect.

[Alisamer]

On 11/7/2021 at 10:16 AM, smittykins said:

So apparently according to Gary(and Jack Chick as well), Mary had to say the Sinner’s Prayer to her own son.  I wondered when that happened?  At his birth?  At his baptism?  While he was hanging on the cross?  The mind boggles.

I might get smited for this but my brain automatically envisioned Jesus being like "mom, you have to accept me into your heart or you won't go to heaven!" and Mary being like "kid, I had you in my womb for 9 months and pushed you out of my body after traveling for days while heavily pregnant, I better be going to heaven!"

23 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

@thoughtful

I'm pretty sure the problem is that most people aren't Gary. If everyone was Gary everyone would be perfect.

If everyone was Gary, we'd have all died of starvation by now because no one would have gotten off their butts long enough to pick, grow, or hunt any food. Man can't live on ignorance and arrogance alone.

[AuntKrazy]

On 11/7/2021 at 3:46 PM, thoughtful said:

 

"- a man named Lester Roloff in that area  that started a men - a children's home an' a girls' home. An' Farrah Faws an' ah'm talkin' about a good bahble-believin' preacher that preached, he trahd t'help chil'ren trahd to help Texas trahd t'destroy him, an' God finally took him home after so many years, an' everything,

I'm still trying to wrap my head around anyone considering that any child subjected to Lester Roloff's abuse is "an opportunity to accept the gospel"

[thoughtful]

On 11/8/2021 at 2:53 PM, smittykins said:

Has he ever said whether he believes babies go to heaven, since we know it’s well nigh impossible for an infant to “get saved”?

Good question. I've never heard him address it. I don't know if he's just never gotten around to thinking of it, or scrupulously avoids the subject.

Logic and consistency is not a strong suit of this cult.

On 11/8/2021 at 4:05 PM, Ozlsn said:

I would hate to be in that congregation having lost an infant (or any relative) and be grieving while wondering if they were saved, and having the constant reminders of death.

I agree. Frightening people about their own death and making them picture those they love burning in the lake of fire, is such a mainstay of these churches.

I wonder if some people just get inured to it, which I think is sick, and even sadder than having the normal reaction of being hurt by hearing it over and over.

10 hours ago, Alisamer said:

"kid, I had you in my womb for 9 months and pushed you out of my body after traveling for days while heavily pregnant, I better be going to heaven!"

"Not to mention that time you scared us half to death by dropping out of our caravan to shmooze with doctors in the temple."

[thoughtful]

Becky did a video showing the wonders of the Tupperware choppers, and the cookware.

Other than lots of "um," she did pretty well. She says they're "in a lake house" for a week.

A six-quart pot was her birthday present:

Spoiler

From Gary? She doesn't say.

And one of her older daughters commented:

Spoiler

 

[AmazonGrace]

Happy birthday, Becky, cook for us all now!

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, AmazonGrace said:

Happy birthday, Becky, cook for us all now!

Yep, that's the message. I think it's an activity Becky genuinely enjoys, but I'm sure Gary couldn't care less whether she does - he'd want well-made food, even if he was married to someone who hates cooking.

Oh, and thanks for posting the picture of that cartoon - it's utterly and completely Gary.

21 hours ago, AuntKrazy said:

I'm still trying to wrap my head around anyone considering that any child subjected to Lester Roloff's abuse is "an opportunity to accept the gospel"

I know - it's horrifying.

Roloff is one of the people Gary mentions often and has a few facts about, but doesn't really seem to remember details. Mostly, he mentions him to talk about the picture of him - the one whose eyes follow you around the room.

He's that way in his hero worship of a lot of the old-time preachers. I know he watches and listens to old sermons, and I think he heard Carl Lackey the Muleskinner live and in person a fair amount.

But he mostly just lists them, talks about how they weren't afraid to preach against sin, and has one or two factoids or stories about each that he repeats over and over;  the cursed area somewhere in Pennsylvania where people didn't respond to Oliver B. Green when he set up his tent there, D. L. Moody stopping in the middle of the street to pray because he had a bad thought, and how Carl Lackey would make up a sin if he didn't know of one to accuse you of (and how is that a good thing, Gary?).

 

[thoughtful]

On 10/18, under the tent at New Life Community Chapel, Becky sings Preach On, then Gary comes up and does his usual "that's what America needs" crap while he futzes around with the battery for the microphone. Note the sturdier lectern.

Spoiler

He asks them to pray for "Brother Ernie's - did you say your niece? She's turned for the worse with the Covid, so pray for her"

The captions say "covet" for Covid.

A voice says "My sister, as well, is in intensive care with Covid."

Gary swigs from his water bottle, looking like he's barely paying attention, and says "Remember uh - Margie's sister, uh - with the Covid."

He goes on to say he thinks this year is worse than last year. He sounds like that's a surprise to him (I guess because all of that stuff about Delta and advice that getting vaccinated is a good idea was just communism socialism fake news).

He burbles about Brother Henry in New York, who had a fever of 102 two days earlier, but doesn't know what he's got - they should pray for him.

"An' so, it's bad stuff, ah tellya, it is bad stuff an' so, all these ones 'at's got Covid - listen, don't git discurridged, we may have a smaller number tonight, ah don't know what the Lord's got in store, Ahmanna say somethin' to ya - the Lord dahd fer ever'body amen? He loved everybody, he dahd for everybody, but here's the thing we gotta realahze - only the ones that wohnt help'll be the ones that git help, amen? That's who'll git help, an' if it's a small crowd, praise the Lord, ih, y'know, uh, so . . . an' keep invahtin' - you say wha? Well because somebody maht come wonna these days, amen?"

Gary, I think you have a smaller number because people who didn't know who you are came the previous night, and that was enough for them.

Then comes the part of the video that @Joyster told us about, back when it happened:

On 10/18/2021 at 11:53 PM, Joyster said:

An attendee requested prayer requests for his grandchildren in New York who could not get vaccinated yet.  Gary said he thought the approval for children was coming soon. Gary did not show disapproval; he didn't show approval either.  He did mention he heard of some vaccinated getting it also.  He things he had Covid in February of 2020. In his prayer, he prayed for the vaccinated and the unvaccinated and for the doctors.  I didn't listen to the rest, so he probably said something later to completely discredit his one act of decency.

Well, I guess I'm glad that Gary didn't jump down the man's throat about wanting his grandchildren vaccinated (the man who spoke up said that he knew God could handle it 🙄 ). But it shows that Gary doesn't have the courage of his convictions when it comes to speaking up in front of an audience he's not sure of.

Did he want that man's money? Did he just not have the nerve? Was he actually trying to be kind? Who knows? But he dropped all of his swagger.

After the prayer, he tells the story of how Peter stopped being able to walk on water because he took his eyes off of Jesus, reminds them we're in a wicked generation, that God is going to destroy the world like He did in the flood, but this time with a virus. If you're doing right, the devil will "kick his head up" and try to ruin things. He says the devil "got throwed outta Hell," twice, before correcting himself.

"Yer not gonna git ridda the devil, but you can hinder him a little bit. Git you some verses outta the Bahble - some blood verses, amen? 'Cause the devil hates the blood verses, amen."

Twice, he says he doesn't know why he's saying all this "but it'll be awraht." Gary, I thought that, when you go off on a rabbit trail, it's because God wants you to say whatever you're saying.

He goes on for a while about the blood washing away sins, being concerned but not worried, because worry is a sin, and lots of familiar stuff. Finally, he reads - he announces Romans 13, but never tells them what verse(s) to start in. Lucky for me, he reads the first few words correctly, so I manage to find it.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans+13%3A11-14&version=KJV

KJV:  Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying.
Bro Gary Version:  Let us walk honestly, an' - as in the days. Not in riotous or drunkedness, or not in chamberling or wanting not in strife or envy.

Immediately after his post-reading prayer, he says: "Ah believe we have solved the problem of the pulpit, if this one falls over it means ah'm gittin' a little bit too wahld, amen?"

Other than that, his trip from the reading to the title is concise again. He re-reads verse 11, then says "With the help of the Lord, ah wanna preach ohn It's Tahm t'Wake Up.

Then he yells stuff he's said a million times before, condemning television, lying weather forecasters, how Fox was always bad even before Trump, and how Biden promised there would be no more storms. He thanks God for global warming, because otherwise they'd be freezing to death.

Gary hates all diseases. But "it wasn't God's fault - man messed up."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+corinthians+15%3A52&version=KJV

He screams stuff we've all heard before, about how soon the second coming is.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=isaiah+55%3A6&version=KJV

Wake up because one of these days it'll be too late. Isn't that what the last section was about?

He talks about "faymin" (famine) - Gary, watch this:

https://youglish.com/pronounce/famine/english/us

He spits out his usual bile. Tonight's version of how it's the fault of "the people of God" not praying enough, while making sure they know how he feels about Democratic politicians is:

"It ain't gotta do with politicians. Ah'm just tellin' you, peopla God. Ah see it ohn Facebook, ah'm tellin' you, it makes me sick. People git ohn there, now ah wanna say somethin' to ya - Joe Bahden is a bad man, he's doin' bad things amen? You know wha? 'Cause he's a sinner. You know wha? 'Cause he don't know God. Now he claims t'be a Catholic. That woman that's called a vice president, which ah don't call neither of 'em a president nor a vice president 'cause ah'm not sure what they are amen. They're a joke. But Joe Bahden is not our problem. Our problem is the peopla God wouldju agree with that amen?"

The Indians are his people, and he boasts about preaching "just lahk ah do any other tahm" to the President of the "Navajo Nations."

"Ah said 'You call yerself a president, you say that yer saved, you better go an', you better go and tell your people that they're gonna dah an' go to Hell an' they better get saved before the Covid kills 'em, amen? If yer the president, it ain't tahm to close the churches down, it's tahm to tell the church to move forward. It's tahm to tell the church t'preach the Gospel of the death burial an' resurrection.'"

Captions:

Spoiler

You never addressed President Nez directly, Gary - you are lying. And you always scream about people needing to get saved because we could all die, or the Rapture could come, any second, so I have no doubt that was in there, but not in the context of you boldly confronting President Nez.

I might have missed something when I first recapped, or be misremembering now. If anybody wants to check, here are the post and the video:

Spoiler

https://www.facebook.com/ghawkins38/videos/4146656175379185

More from lying Gary later.

I think Big Daddy smells your lies, Gary.

Spoiler

 

 

Edited November 11, 2021 by thoughtful
riffle

[forgetmenow]

4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

. , ,  that God is going to destroy the world like He did in the flood, but this time with a virus.

Oh, Gary, Gary, Gary.

Noah evangelized when God told him about the flood and he built an ark because saving physical life was also important.  

What happened to the people who mocked Noah like you mock healthcare professionals?  Get the vaccine, Gary. Get on the ark. 

 

Edited November 11, 2021 by forgetmenow

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

There’s a video on YouTube of Sam Kinison doing a parody of a preacher, it’s  called Sam Kinison the preacher.  It’s freaking brilliant and reminds me of what Bro Gary would be like if he was any good at his job.  However I can’t post it with my iPhone, been trying for days.  Can one you find it and post it for me?  Pleeeease.  It’s so worth watching.