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Bro Gary Hawkins 19: God Even Uses the Perforated People


Alisamer
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Ah, the perforated people made it to the title of the new thread. I'm so glad for them. The holey can be holy. Thank you @Alisamer.

Finishing up Gary's ranting from 9/22, at Heritage Baptist in Groton, NY, about stirring up the devil and beating up some guy from North Carolina who dared to talk to Caleb about choices in faith, he announces Mark chapter 11.

Then he asks if he's making sense. Becky automatically answers "Yes," and he mumbles something incomprehensible. It seems to have something to do with Becky being able to hear him now, but last night she was "out of it," something about Miss Jeannie, "lemme, lemme, lemme fix that up, 'cause she has" and something about eating spaghetti with tomatoes in it and it bothered her.

Maybe Becky had an allergic reaction the previous evening, and Gary was trying to make a joke about Miss Jeannie trying to poison her, then thought better of it. Why it sprang to Gary's addled mind now, who knows? :confusion-shrug:

Mark 11:24, KJV: Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.
BGV: Therefore I say unto you, Whatsoever ye do - whatever - whatsoever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.

"How 'bout this? When you pray, believe. Amen? The scripture says ah b'lieve it's in Matthew an' maybe even in Mark too, but it says if we have the ah sent brother Mike some salad uh uh picturesah salad the other day an he said 'Yuck.' He ain't even saved, ah'm not sure he can be saved an' ah lahk salad, amen. Ah'm not talkin' about this salad stuff you get in - the rabbit stuff, amen."

He goes on to do his usual screwed-up version of the mustard seed metaphor, so I guess there was a reason for his brain jumping to vegetables.

He yells about God being in control for a while.

Then, screaming and flailing, "An' they may kill us, but guess what? They kin take mah body, they kin do whatever it is they wanna do with mah body. Ah  really don't care whether mah wahf does it, whether the government does it, whether the ocean does it, mah soul will be in Heaven an' ah'll be enjoyin' life amen!"

He quietly mumbles some weird things about his funeral - I think he's wishing he could jump out of his casket and scare people. Becky giggles.

Back to yelling - Paul and Silas turned the world upside down, they can turn New York upside down. Brother Mike and MIss Jeannie can have New York City - Gary's taking upstate New York.

Listening to church (or pretending to do so, as he assumes most people are doing) on Facebook, is not church. "Just like a phone ain't a Bahble, that ain't church, amen, hallelujah! Oh mah goo'ness, ah've done it, ah done committed the unpardonable sin, amen. Ah'll be crucifahed agin, it'll be alraht."

He says that Carl Lackey had a sign behind his pulpit, "Puttin' th'actions on your prayers," then mocks people who expect God to send people to their church with no effort on their part, "like them Calvinists."

"Ya ever heard somebody say, 'Well, if God wanted 'em here, they'd be here.' Well, then wha did He dah ohn the cross?"

He complains about them being a hard crowd, tells them to go to 2 Timothy real quick-like, then mumbles some stuff I can't understand as he turns pages.

https://www.facebook.com/ghawkins38/videos/563174601497535

KJV: charging them before the Lord that they strive not about words to no profit, but to the subverting of the hearers.
BGV: charging them before the Lord that. They strive not about words to no profit, but the sss - suhv - suhverting of the hearers.

More about doing things, not just reading the Bible, follows. Then he gets into joke-mumbling mode again.

"Mah wahf's got a dog, an' that's the hard-headedest dog ah think he takes after his Ma amen. Some of y'all'll get that after a whahl."

Gary, you were mumbling softly and wiping your mouth with your hanky - even if it had been funny, I'm not sure any of them know what you said.

He then goes into a garbled description of scenarios in which Becky has gone into a store, Gary has stayed in the vehicle and let or taken Rascal out (well, he never calls him by name - just "the dawg"), and Rascal wants to run across traffic to get to Becky when she comes back out. Gary says the dog thinks he hates him because he tries to prevent him from getting run over (I think - some of it is lost in a mumble).

I can't tell from this mess whether Gary actually lets Rascal out of the car off-leash - I hope not.

Anyway, "That's the way it is with God - He's trahin' t'keep us from stumblin', amen?"

Gary does his routine about hating to be late, Lee Roberson's saying that "if you a hour early, you a hour late" (I think an hour has been added there - wasn't it "if you're on time, you're an hour late?) to church. This, of course, leads to the nostalgia about people being at church all day in the old days. I thought he was following up his metaphor about Rascal with the bit about God making Becky make them late, to keep him out of accidents, but, if he was, he forgets to do it.

Some automatic-pilot riffs that don't seem to relate to his message at all fall out of his mouth. Eventually he gets back to the devil, and obeying God.

"People think obeyin's a bad thing. Jacob thinks obeyin' me an' doin' school an an an things like that, he thinks it's 'cause ah hate his guts. No, it's 'cause ah love him amen? Ah know he's 14 an' he knows more'n google does, amen."

The captions are still on-topic, even though Gary is off:

Spoiler

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Gary's wrapping up. What really gets the devil mad is people getting saved. He describes Jim Kilgore's method of systematically going through a family, getting one person saved, then another, etc.

After his "ah don't know your heart" bit, and how nobody can know if anybody else is saved, we get to (of course) you better make sure you're saved. Eternity is a long time. The rich man has been in Hell for decades, and wanted a drop of water, and a plastic bottle full of water (he holds his up) wouldn't even get to him before it melted.

"On the back of mah van, ah got a sign," (he intones this solemnly): "Drop . . . roll . . .in Hell."

Gary, do you mean you have a bumper sticker that says:

Spoiler

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The captions have no idea what that's about:

Spoiler

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Gary ends with repeated exhortations to "stir the devil up," which the captions interpret as "stare the devil up."

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now I have The sing Stir It Up stuck in my head. 
 

do you think “perforated” might mean “vaccinated”? 

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9 hours ago, Alisamer said:

do you think “perforated” might mean “vaccinated”? 

I think it was either a misuse of a word he doesn't understand, or he got it from some other preacher, referring to drug addicts. He did go right into talking about people who shoot up.

Also, I actually think he'd be more forgiving of drug addicts than people who are getting vaccinated.

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10 hours ago, Alisamer said:

now I have The sing Stir It Up stuck in my head. 
 

Johnny Nash, or is there another one?

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1 minute ago, smittykins said:

Johnny Nash, or is there another one?

Bob Marley, I think? I don't even know the song well. Just the bit that was stuck in my head!

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Wiki says Marley did it originally, Johnny Nash remade it, that’s the version I’m familiar with.

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On 9/23, at Heritage Baptist in Groton NY, after the Hawkins family sings a song very badly, Gary says something that sounds like "Thank God he didn't say y'all we'd be professional, God damn it."

I know that couldn't be what he said, but it sure sounded like it.

Then he tosses an empty water bottle at Jacob, says "That's yer Christmas present," and tells him to bring up his "Bahble and stuff." Jacob does so, and Gary gives him his keys and mumbles something else (telling him to get something from the car, I assume).

Gary drones about the end times for a while, threatens them, "You better want church now. You better get in touch with God now," and says he may be persecuted and have his head cut off.

I think Gary's new fantasy is the "Telebon" cutting off his head. It remains to be seen whether he goes back and forth between that and the electric chair, or just sticks with one. He's mentioned being crucified (literally, not on Facebook) recently, as well.

Gary announces 1 John chapter 5, and, while they are turning pages and Jacob brings him a bottle of water, he announces that the next night they are having southern style fried chicken before the service. He goes on to specify that it's "the kahnd that makes you fat," and jokes that the Northerners are "a little farther away from God" since they put chicken in the oven.

"Some y'all'll git that after a whahl."

He tells them to be "real Baptists" and help themselves to the leftover food that's already there, after this service.

"Miss Jeannie said the other day, how d'you know uh uh uh uh, well she said preacher, but ah'm just gonna say all Baptists. How d'you know a Baptist is - got the bubble raht - ah - "

We hear someone help him remember how it goes - Jeannie, perhaps - but I can't hear details. Gary tries again.

"How d'you know a Baptist is ohn the level? The bubble's in the middle, amen."

Gary mumbles about Lester Roloff for a while. He says he wouldn't want Roloff praying over his food (he doesn't say why, but I'm guessing it's supposed to be one of Gary's vague jokes, since Roloff was a "hard" preacher, and/or because he recommended fasting).

The captions have a bit of trouble realizing Lester Roloff is a name:

Spoiler

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image.png.b22a371a032521abf6aa85e3bfc6a179.png

The next time you are asked to say grace, try "Let's roll off and pray over my food."

Gary asks someone there if they ever met him in person or had him over to their house, and tells them how Roloff used to visit (if you can call it that) Bobby Roberson, who lived ten miles from Gary: "He'd flah in - he didn't call an' make a meeting, he would flah in, an' git in to Winston or wherever th'airport was, an' he'd say 'Alraht, Bobby, ah'm here! Now come an' git me, we havin' church tonaht, amen!' An' uh so uh - ah ain't got that good yet, mebbe one these days amen."

I think I see how Gary's standards work - if you are a really mean, really skilled preacher, you get to be even ruder and more obnoxious to others.

Or something like that.

On to 1 John. You do remember that Gary was about to read from 1 John, don't you?

Oh, wait - Gary has them stand for the reading, then starts talking about how they were going to go door knocking that day, but "the Lord seen fit for us to rest an' read our Bahlbes amen an' relax 'cause it rained most of the day. We did go make one visit nobody showed up but that's alraht chapter fahve verse one th'Bahble says whosoever believeth that Jesus is the Christ" and he goes on with the reading.

Yes, Gary seems to believe that God sent rain specifically to tell them to stay indoors and read their Bibles. Or so he claims - I think it's a case of Convenient God, myself.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+John+5%3A1-5&version=KJV

He pronounces grievous as "greevious." Ready for the tortuous (or is that torti-oo-us?) trip from the reading to Gary's message title? Here we go!

"Now you can look at - back in verses four, ah was tossed to an' fro tonaht to this afternoon, ah'm lookin' at these verses an' it's come across an' ah got t'thinkin' about this an' it laid on mah heart or mah mahnd whatever laid more on this an' verse four says for whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this - is - the victory - that overcometh the world, even our faith."

"Ah got t'thinkin' - victory! What - yeah, we sung that song, there's victory in Jesus, amen? We have got - if yer born again saved bah the grace a'God, it may look wicked an' it may look vahl an' it does amen, the news is very depressing an' listen hey the media an' the government is very depressing but Jesus there's victory in Jesus."

"Now we talk about these things an' ah unnerstan' we wanna find out all the things that are goin' ohn but ah tell ya raht now mebbe we oughta just talk about what in - what pur - what our victory tonaht amen? We have got - listen, ah'm gonna say this much, ah - know - mah - self - very well, ah have got victory in Jesus no matter what the government does, no matter what the media says, no matter what's goin' ohn in our world, ah tell ya this much Jesus is on the throne, an' ah have victory - in Jesusss. Amen? Ah have victory in Jesus,"

That could have been his title, since he said it twice, despite the lack of the usual "with the help of God, just for a little while ahwanna talk about" preface.

He goes on about how he knows he has victory in Jesus: "Ah accepted Him as mah Lord an' Savior, amen? Ah asked Him to be mine, an' ah am His, an' He is mahn." And he goes on about their relationship.

Careful, Gary - you're writing lyrics for one of those boogie-woogie Jesus Is My Boyfriend songs that they like at the smokestack churches with the arm waving.

When it comes to the time, and Gary just happens to be one of the martyrs, God's going to give him the grace to do it.

"God's gonna be raht there with me when they're sawin' mah head off with a hacksaw, when they're burnin' me to the stake, whatever they're hangin' me t'the cross, whenever they're beating me, whatever is they'll do t'me, ah don't care what th'condition is, God's gohn' be raht there with me."

Or maybe:

Spoiler

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Gary goes on about not caring about his funeral, how he's not going to worry when his body rots and he's looking like a bunch of dirt, and other joys, because his soul will be in Heaven.

The captions are too delicate for "rots," it seems, but they are so, so wrong about Gary:

Spoiler

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He's got victory in Jesus.

He says something like "If y'all can't shout through this one ya might as well just go home an' crah amen."

More later.

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27 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

"God's gonna be raht there with me when they're sawin' mah head off with a hacksaw, when they're burnin' me to the stake, whatever they're hangin' me t'the cross, whenever they're beating me, whatever is they'll do t'me, ah don't care what th'condition is, God's gohn' be raht there with me."

WTH, Gary?  If someone disagrees gently with him on Facebook, he goes to pieces.  Yet, somehow, he still thinks he'd be okay with them sawing off his head with a hacksaw?  Nope.  I think Gary has martyr fantasies but I don't see him holding up through any kind of torture.  Maybe he wouldn't deny Jesus but he'd certainly rat out family members and falsely confess anything that he could.

31 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

He says something like "If y'all can't shout through this one ya might as well just go home an' crah amen."

This one was just funny.  Gary, who is willing to have his head sawed off, can't cope with people not shouting "Amen" back at him.

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28 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

 

Gary asks someone there if they ever met him in person or had him over to their house, and tells them how Roloff used to visit (if you can call it that) Bobby Roberson, who lived ten miles from Gary: "He'd flah in - he didn't call an' make a meeting, he would flah in, an' git in to Winston or wherever th'airport was, an' he'd say 'Alraht, Bobby, ah'm here! Now come an' git me, we havin' church tonaht, amen!' An' uh so uh - ah ain't got that good yet, mebbe one these days amen."

 

Well, there is an airport in Winston-Salem. But I doubt Roloff was flying in there unless he had his own JD Duggar or Titrod at his disposal. It's a decent size airport for general aviation and charter flights, but they had no problem closing half or more of it down for an airshow one Saturday, either. 

Which frankly might make things ruder. He'd have to have flown into Greensboro or Raleigh/Durham, or maybe even Charlotte. Greensboro is pretty close but still out of the way to have to suddenly go pick somebody up. At an airport, which is by default Not Fun.

13 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

Oh I thought perforated people have piercings.

I hadn't thought of that one! 

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4 minutes ago, Xan said:

WTH, Gary?  If someone disagrees gently with him on Facebook, he goes to pieces.  Yet, somehow, he still thinks he'd be okay with them sawing off his head with a hacksaw?  Nope.  I think Gary has martyr fantasies but I don't see him holding up through any kind of torture.  Maybe he wouldn't deny Jesus but he'd certainly rat out family members and falsely confess anything that he could.

This one was just funny.  Gary, who is willing to have his head sawed off, can't cope with people not shouting "Amen" back at him.

 

 

crucifixion

noun

cru·ci·fix·ion | \ ˌkrü-sə-ˈfik-shən

\

Definition of crucifixion

1a capitalized : the crucifying of Christ

b : the act of crucifying

2 : extreme and painful punishment, affliction, or suffering

Examples of crucifixion in a Sentence

the crucifixion of the rebel Spartacus

Recent Examples on the Web

On the third day after his crucifixion, Jesus deleted the entire Facebook post and blocked most of the commenters. — CNN, 18 Aug. 2021

 

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5 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary asks someone there if they ever met him in person or had him over to their house, and tells them how Roloff used to visit (if you can call it that) Bobby Roberson, who lived ten miles from Gary: "He'd flah in - he didn't call an' make a meeting, he would flah in, an' git in to Winston or wherever th'airport was, an' he'd say 'Alraht, Bobby, ah'm here! Now come an' git me, we havin' church tonaht, amen!' An' uh so uh - ah ain't got that good yet, mebbe one these days amen."

This is so great.  The way he presents it, to me it seems really clear that this was a guy who flew into town whenever he needed some cash.  This is the first thing that came to mind (under spoiler).  

Spoiler

Sidenote: I met one of Marjoe's ex-wives (my dad knew her through business circles).

 

 

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1 hour ago, forgetmenow said:

This is so great.  The way he presents it, to me it seems really clear that this was a guy who flew into town whenever he needed some cash.  This is the first thing that came to mind (under spoiler).  

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Sidenote: I met one of Marjoe's ex-wives (my dad knew her through business circles).

 

Marjoe Gortner!  I am constantly surprised at how many FreeJingerites share my same popular culture reference points.  That clip really takes me back.

Edited by Xan
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3 minutes ago, Xan said:

Marjoe Gortner!  I am constantly surprised at how many FreeJingerites share my same popular culture reference points.  That clip really takes me back.

I think I may have become aware of Marjoe through FJ.  At the time I met his ex, I was much more familiar with her work.

That clip is something though.  It just illustrates how little that repetitive patter means to those guys,  It's just a vocal tic.

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Ah, but Lester Roloff didn't have Marjoe's beautiful curly locks!

Spoiler

image.png.9b6a31a4054e41eb902fc273c5ed9c16.png

He may have flown into Winston-Salem, @Alisamer, While looking for his picture (do the eyes follow you around the room?), I found out that he flew his own plane, and that's how he died, in 1982, with four women on board, all of whom also died.

https://www.nytimes.com/1982/11/04/obituaries/lester-roloff-radio-preacher-68-dies-as-his-plane-crashes-in-texas.html

According to a 2009 post on Stuff Fundies Like, the plane wreckage was preserved at Roloff Park on the Hyles Anderson College campus, but it is no longer there, according to Wikipedia.

Spoiler

image.png.a8d63fed3ef85d180c42382fb33201c3.png

 

https://www.stufffundieslike.com/2009/06/famous-fundies-lester-rolloff/comment-page-1/#comment-981

I don't know when Gary's stories about Bobby Roberson happened, but I'm sad to say that Roloff probably didn't need to swoop in for needed cash later in his life. He hit the fundie big time. He founded those horrible abusive teen "homes," as well.

https://brucegerencser.net/tag/lester-roloff/

Edited by thoughtful
riffle
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15 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Ah, but Lester Roloff didn't have Marjoe's beautiful curly locks!

  Reveal hidden contents

image.png.9b6a31a4054e41eb902fc273c5ed9c16.png

He may have flown into Winston-Salem, @Alisamer, While looking for his picture (do the eyes follow you around the room?), I found out that he flew his own plane, and that's how he died, in 1982, with four women on board, all of whom also died.

https://www.nytimes.com/1982/11/04/obituaries/lester-roloff-radio-preacher-68-dies-as-his-plane-crashes-in-texas.html

According to a 2009 post on Stuff Fundies Like, the plane wreckage was preserved at Roloff Park on the Hyles Anderson College campus, but it is no longer there, according to Wikipedia.

  Reveal hidden contents

image.png.a8d63fed3ef85d180c42382fb33201c3.png

 

https://www.stufffundieslike.com/2009/06/famous-fundies-lester-rolloff/comment-page-1/#comment-981

I don't know when Gary's stories about Bobby Roberson happened, but I'm sad to say that Roloff probably didn't need to swoop in for needed cash later in his life. He hit the fundie big time. He founded those horrible abusive teen "homes," as well.

https://brucegerencser.net/tag/lester-roloff/

Oh good to know! He very well might have been flying into Winston-Salem, then. 

I've been to that airport once for an air show. It seemed pretty nice. But I'd think if he was flying his own plane he definitely wouldn't be randomly flying in for the money. And if he was, Winston-Salem might not be his first choice.

Also, died in 1982? Once again Gary is way behind the times. He'd have been what, 10 or 11 then?

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Oh my God, this photo that Michael L Stout shared… *gag*

CB1C21A0-83E7-4CB5-A2BB-B0F93EE313FD.thumb.png.ad8dc41001ae40195eaa8838ffc71a1e.png

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Continuing the video from 9/23, Gary re-reads some of the text he's already read, about victory in Jesus.

He says he has faith that "God's gonna take me outta here, amen."

The captions usually recognize Gary's "amens," but not this time:

Spoiler

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Gary's ready to go - he's "tahrda this wickedness."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+15%3A13&version=KJV

Gary's got victory in the love of Jesus and he yells about it for a while.

Next, 1 Corinthians 6:20; KJV: For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.
BGV: For ye are bah-oot - with a price: therefore glorifah your God glorifah God  in your heaven -  in your body, and in your spirit, which - are - God's.

I think Gary realizes he forgot to give them one more proof that Jesus loves him, in his previous point.

"An' before ah give ya mah next point, ah wanna say, ah know He loves me because mah trailer was settin' out here at the church an' whenever we pulled up uh after leavin' it here for a little bitta tahm an' Jacob says 'Look, Daddy,' he says 'Look what's goin' ohn, the tongue is bent an' everything'. The Lord allowed me t'fahnd somebody that was wohntin' t'be a blessin' amen, an' fix mah trailer for free. Amen!"

Or, according to the captions:

Spoiler

 

image.png.bab808f678a8968f647c833cc50404bd.png

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He goes on to say that the only reason the trailer didn't fall apart in various other places, in all this time, was because God held it together to get it to Brother Jim, so he could fix it.

Gary, you bought a piece of shit and overloaded it. It has broken in various ways at various times (so, does that mean God doesn't love you that much?), you didn't notice it was broken (again) until your son pointed it out, and a human being, not Jesus, not God, fixed it for you. Why, I have no idea, because Brother Jim is just enabling your selfish nonsense.

Back to being bought with the price - blood, of course. And he does his bit about making sure they know that the blood didn't just fall out, Jesus purposely shed it, and that it's all now back with Jesus.

"Every droppa the blood that he shed is setting with him at the right hand of the throne of graccccccce."

Jesus only had the blood of His Father - "If Jesus woulda had Mary's blood, He would notta been perfect."

And he yells about royal blood, being in the priesthood of God and does his usual riffs about all of that for a while, getting all tangled up, when comparing people donating blood to the blood of Jesus, about whether his blood is corruptible or incorruptible. Becky needs to help.

In any case, Gary doesn't give his blood to anything but his truck. The captions think he's refusing to give a different body part:

Spoiler

image.png.b13fad3bffb8359154f8e8c510387ddc.png

"They say on th'insahd, that your blood is purple, an' when it comes on the outsahd it's red."

He says nothing to let us know what compelled him to say that. I guess he's just enjoying talking about blood.

I wonder if Gary's ever seen the elevator scene from The Shining.

As someone's phone rings, Gary reads 1 Corinthians 15:55 - O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?

Gary has victory in Jesus, because Jesus took his death.

After babbling pretty incoherently about some guy on Facebook,  who was being stupid about death, Gary remembers what they were arguing about. Gary says he tried to explain to the man that Adam and Eve died spiritually, not physically, after eating the apple. And this man couldn't understand it, no matter how Gary tried to explain it.

I've heard Gary talk about this before - it seems important to him to say that they did have a "spiritual death," because God said they'd die if they ate the fruit, the devil said they wouldn't. They eat, and they don't drop dead, so I guess some people need to believe there was some sort of death, otherwise God was lying and the serpent was telling the truth.

But the Bible says nothing about a spiritual death.

Anyway, as to the man on Facebook: "Ah defriended him, ah think ah even blocked him or whatever because listen, if you cain't - if Jesus cain't help somebody, ain't no need you tryin' t'help him, amen."

Gary's misspeaks when talking about people putting flowers on graves, and the captions are right there with him:

Spoiler

image.png.10325a56a1be8da812974dc71ee3c8b3.png

Man, Gary will give a tract to anybody!

Gary would love it if the Lord blew that trumpet while people were visiting gravesites, and the dead in Christ all rose. He wants to see it.

He describes how he imagines Brother Carpenter's death went, in some detail. But, of course, he's not really dead.

"Brother Carpenter's doin' a whole lot better than we are tonaht amen. Ya say wha? He don't have no aches, he don't have no pains."

Or perhaps:

Spoiler

image.png.5867ee09da2e3d7d05813aada017b84b.png

I guess Brother Carpenter didn't like eggs, based on Gary's theory of having your favorite foods in Heaven.

Maybe he's shoutin' it out over some waffles, or flapjacks, or bacon.

Gary screams some more about deaths, and how Jesus takes them away.

More death, blood and victory later.

 

 

Edited by thoughtful
getting rid of extra picture
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27 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

And he yells about royal blood, being in the priesthood of God and does his usual riffs about all of that for a while, getting all tangled up, when comparing people donating blood to the blood of Jesus, about whether his blood is corruptible or incorruptible. Becky needs to help.

In any case, Gary doesn't give his blood to anything but his truck.

Starting to see where his truck problems are coming from. It's gas in the tank Gary...

Also kind of want Gary to read the Da Vinci code and see if his head explodes.

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He goes on to say that the only reason the trailer didn't fall apart in various other places, in all this time, was because God held it together to get it to Brother Jim, so he could fix it.

Gary, you bought a piece of shit and overloaded it. It has broken in various ways at various times (so, does that mean God doesn't love you that much?), you didn't notice it was broken (again) until your son pointed it out, and a human being, not Jesus, not God, fixed it for you. Why, I have no idea, because Brother Jim is just enabling your selfish nonsense.

 

 

Meet Gary Hawkins, a traffic accident waiting to happen.

You're the driver, you're responsible for keeping your vehicle in a safe driving condition. It's not up to God, it's up to you, Gary.

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1 hour ago, AmazonGrace said:

You're the driver, you're responsible for keeping your vehicle in a safe driving condition. It's not up to God, it's up to you, Gary.

Gary insists that he can't get up in the morning, breathe, walk, or do anything else without God/Jesus, so he's not only not taking responsibility for his vehicles, he's not taking responsibility for anything.

The way Gary looks at his faith is a narcissist's dream. If things go well, it's because he is in the perfect will of God and is being rewarded for it. If things go badly, he can blame the devil, or say that God works in mysterious ways, and perhaps we will see what His plan was later.

Gary's off the hook, all the time. All the time, Gary's off the hook.

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Yo, Gary! Take a break from preaching, so I can catch up!

Continuing the 9/23 ramble, he reads:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+corinthians+15%3A57&version=KJV

Gary has victory over his sins, as long as he confesses them. He tells them he'll probably sin again before the day is over, and "Miss Jeannie's liable to say something any time now amen."

But, he mumbles, "The inner man's not gonna sin. You say wha?"

This is so mumbled that the the captions only give us this:

Spoiler

image.png.42a6f723e7fe7be675b7ecb8cbc9a103.png

Oh, and the answer is "Because he's got Jesus."

The "inner" and "outer" man crap is another great out from any responsibility for Gary and his fellow Church of Extreme Narcissism followers.

"Mah soul will not sin, you say wha? Because it's . . ."

Spoiler

image.png.4e984cdc3e5155e64a98fc53eeac306d.png

I have no more idea of what he actually said than the captions do. But it must have something to do with cognac.

Gary yells and coos about overcoming sin for a while, repeating lots of familiar stuff, with the usual excuse of "most of ya don't remember what ah said last year - most of ya don't remember what ah said yesterday amen."

Eventually, he announces Philippians 4, then says "No, ah'm wrong - go back to 2 Corinthians, ah didn't see it raht."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+corinthians+5%3A17&version=KJV

Gary seems to be on the topic of "discipling" people who have been saved. He fumbles his way to talking about a story Brother Mike told him. When Mike first got saved, "he had that - what you call that thing?"
Mike: "Choker."
Gary: "Choker - an' ya ought t'get choked if ya wear somethin' like that amen. But he was talkin' about when he first got saved an' he had t'learn, amen. And then he lost it, an' his own preacher wouldn't even help him fahnd it. Man, what a preacher he is, amen? That's just wrong, amen!"

I assume "it" refers to the necklace, since, as we all know, Mike could not have lost his salvation. And, of course, Gary is trying to be sarcastic about the preacher not helping him find it.

I wonder if it was puka shells. Or perhaps studded leather.

"But Jacob was, last - no - earlier this year, we was talkin' ta some gah in there said in the wintertahm he grows his hair out, or whatever, some tahm durin' the year he grows his hair out an' ever'thing. But he said - now, Jacob didn't say nothin' to 'im, he said, 'But ain't there somewhere in the Bahble that talks about that it's a shame for a man t'have long harr?' Jacob says, 'It is.'"

"Now listen, hey - when somebody lahk that is a bus kid, ah think or whatever, but when somebody askses a question, ah think ya have th'raht to answer it, amen? Answer it Biblically, so he did, an' then there was a bus kid that walked up an' they was still talkin' about th'long harr bein' a sin an' everythin', an' this gah says 'Don't be talkin' about mah hair!'"

Gary, of course, acts out the man's distress:

Spoiler

image.png.b8fd76bcf9886711a0032e1fe7c1170a.png

Think that might be exaggerated - just a teeny bit?

The congregation laughs while Gary smirks.

The captions think "bus kid" is "bust kid."

Gary goes on, having mocked the "guy," to tell them that he was "just a teenage kid," who'd recently gotten saved, and in need of somebody to "teach him right," and not even "need to do a whole lotta pushin' ohn him," and he'll go get his hair cut.

So, why make him the butt of a mean story?

Just Gary being Gary, I guess.

I wonder if he and Jacob have been regaling one another with imitations of "mah harr" guy all year.

He tells his offensive story about the "drunk Indian" in South Dakota who went to "AAA" but never got sober. He now claims the man never ate except at the pastor's house once a week, and there was nothing left after he was there, so they had to make sure they ate before he got there.

He also says "I wanna say  - they got this thing called - what is it called, Becky ah cain't never pronounce it raht an' ever'body can agree t'disagree with me that's OK kick me out or whatever, but ah'm gonna tell ya, we don't need a progr'm we just need victory in Jesus. Amen?"

Becky has been silent through several of these requests for help lately - I wonder if her Gary-reading ability extends to knowing if he's going to bother to listen at all, or just keep talking anyway, and she is picking and choosing when to answer these days.

He starts screaming about the woman with the issue of blood, and how she'd spent all of her money on doctors, and "her light bill - her lights had been cut off."

Did the electric bills come on papyrus in those days?

Gary tells us that, a few days before he saved 3000 people on Pentecost, Peter was "hangin' around on a boat, nekkid, an' he was cussin', an' he was ______" (warnin'? woman? wantin'? wanton? I can't tell), "an' he was choosin' the wrong friends, haymen!"

Or, as the captions would have it:

Spoiler

image.png.8b59e84057d111b0afcc868e0b67f7c2.pngimage.png.49e94867f86056e17def8f8c20f97cf0.png

I can find nothing in John 21 about Peter "cussing," or misbehaving in any way, Gary. He was fishing. Before Jesus died, he denied him three times, but that was part of the plan. Between the resurrection, the fishing, and the day he preached at Pentecost, it seems to me he behaved perfectly well.

According to that "perfect" KJV you love so much, anyway. You must be remembering a story from someone's interpretation of something.

He says something about a place they went to look at, for some project (he mumbles so badly that I can't understand much of it). I'm guessing it was that empty school. Just from the tone of voice when he mumbles about what Becky thought of it, I think she didn't approve. Gary says that, "if God ain't in it, you know what'll happen? He'll shut the doors. Huh?"

Now it's time for Philipians 4:11.

KJV: Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
BGV: Not that I speak in respect of - of wohnt: for I have learned, in whatever state ah'm in - wait a minute - in whatever state I am, there - with to be contint.

Gary's got victory in Jesus, being content with what he has.

And he's off on the government, getting softer and more solemn as he speaks. "They said back in Julah that they doin' this chahld credit thang - ah hate it with a passion. But ah got mah first one - this month. Ah don't lahk it. But ah just gotta be content with what's goin' ohn ya say wha? It ain't up to me. It's up to God. Amen"

Now this is the perfect example of Gary's idea of being a noble, self-sacrificing Christian. He's going to suffer by taking the extra money from the CommunistSocialistDemocrat government - for Jesus.

Or maybe, deep down, he only hates the fact that the first check only just arrived. Staying in one place might help, Gary.

And he veers wildly into talking about his van, and joking about selling it to Brother Mike. "I'd rather have mah F350. Ya say wha? It's a diesel an' ah lahk to hear it purr."

The captions know how much the truck means to Gary:

Spoiler

image.png.6240652f97ef0495dd5c97875a93094c.png

But God doesn't want him "there raht now," so he's got to be content with what he's got.

Gary could have more if he compromised and went with the churches that have the rock and roll music and the dancing and the praise teams. He says Methodists never even used to have a piano in their churches, but now he knows they have music, because "Mah grandmother was buried in - or her funeral was done in a Methodist church an' it had a organ an' a piana."

Now I swear the captions are just playing with us.

Spoiler

image.png.dc684d01b46ea722184d0c3e2bcc16e9.png

image.png.8fbfb53c7edecb48fab39e726385b02c.png

He says some churches now have drums. After some petulance about people shutting off his Facebook live or cancelling meetings (he doesn't care!), he says "Ah wouldn't have a problem with drums, if they was played right. HAYMUN!"

Captions:

Spoiler

image.png.ff107ee95c46ebc9a0585dc5153403ce.png

He says they don't have to amen, back, it's OK, and never tells them what it means to play the drums "right," other than reminding them that music should stir the spirit, not the flesh.

But it can't be "dead" music, either.

"Listen, you kin listen to all the dead music you wohnt to, listen hey put it in there the a cap - whataya call it Becky ah don't have no idear all the names of it listen hey it 'bout drags ya uh listen hey" He drones slowly, "The song ohhh mah goo'ness." Back to yelling, "Listen hey - ahmanna tell ya raht now, ah think we ought to be able to injoy ourselves, amen?"

BTW, the captions think he's saying "baby" when he says "Becky."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+thessalonians+4%3A16-17&version=KJV

Gary has victory knowing the Lord's coming.

He assures them that God is not "doin' the Democratic stuff," it's "the people of God that have give up an' set down an' SHUT UP! Amen."

At one point in his shrieking (all stuff you've heard before), he goes into one of his rhythmic chants about "every man, woman, boy, girl, ______(? the captions and I both think it sounds like "retake") when you're reapin' in the flesh, you're going to - "

And he freezes, points at them, looks sullen, and finally mumbles, "Help me, Betty."

Yes, he clearly says "Betty," not Becky.

Spoiler

image.png.9466fe7cdcf3dc3e729dec973ce75de8.png image.png.8fb4b8feac5dbffadac8db3dbce29063.png

Jacob, Becky and a man all speak, reminding Gary that you sow before you reap.

Gary: "You're gonna sow what you reap. Amen. Now if you reap in the spirit - then in the spirit you sow."

The captions are all confused:

Spoiler

image.png.eb29e16b8c6749d4d6c19dd6ef70ecca.pngimage.png.b2442bbcb6f388f8141a2d5ed0400d80.png

He says something about being at "Lester Roloff's place" again. Captions:

Spoiler

image.png.564a4be512c77bbdfe7b6ff9881eb752.png

Here, perhaps?

 

Gary says there was an error in a song sung earlier, because it said there would be "streets of gold" in Heaven - it's just one street. "Readjer Bahble."

He explains, in scholarly tones, how Hell has to enlarge itself, but "Heaven don't, because God already knows who's gonna choose it."

Wait - doesn't that mean He also knows who's going to choose Hell? So why aren't they just built to hold whoever they need to hold?

Gary says that the Calvinists (the captions are fine the first time he says the word, but it comes up "cows" the second time) believe that "whatever's gonna be is gonna be. Here's what they believe - well, if these people next door wanted t'come to church, and God wanted them here, they'd be here."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalms+3%3A8&version=KJV

He loses steam, distracted by telling them to read Ezekiel and The Book of Esther. Then, "Do ya know tonaht that victory is yours? Huh? Do ya know? C'mohn, Becky. Do the piana time."

Gary, you can barely manage your native language, so I wouldn't expect you to learn the Italian terms for music. But, however "a cappella" got into your head, it has nothing to do with tempo - it can be quite lively. Here are two versions of the hymn that inspired your message:

Spoiler

 

 

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1 hour ago, thoughtful said:
1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

 

Gary yells and coos about overcoming sin for a while, repeating lots of familiar stuff, with the usual excuse of "most of ya don't remember what ah said last year - most of ya don't remember what ah said yesterday amen."

Good thing they don't remember, since he says the same thing every time. 

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

Gary tells us that, a few days before he saved 3000 people on Pentecost, Peter was "hangin' around on a boat, nekkid, an' he was cussin', an' he was ______" (warnin'? woman? wantin'? wanton? I can't tell), "an' he was choosin' the wrong friends, haymen!"

Peter was nekkid?  I don't recall that part of the story.  Now I'm picturing Peter sunbathing on a yacht in the Mediterranean. 

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

And he veers wildly into talking about his van, and joking about selling it to Brother Mike. "I'd rather have mah F350. Ya say wha? It's a diesel an' ah lahk to hear it purr."

Gary, you're making your truck into an idol!  That truck has been off the road for a long time, by the way.  Apparently nobody is willing to bless Gary by putting in the extensive work it no doubt needs. 

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2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

You must be remembering a story from someone's interpretation of something.

I’ve come to the conclusion that this describes fundamentalism pretty succinctly.

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