Bro Gary Hawkins 19: God Even Uses the Perforated People

[thoughtful]

Becky updated her cover photo on Facebook:

Spoiler

 

[Xan]

Gary is the only person I know who seems to add on more clothes to go to the beach.  There he is being aggressively non-nekkid.  Full outfit.  Shoes.  Cap.  Long sleeves.  Stuff in his pocket.  I'm surprised that he didn't add on a coat and mittens.

I, for one, thank him.  Every inch of Gary-skin covered is a win for us all.

[thoughtful]

On 12/10/2021 at 8:57 AM, Xan said:

Gary is the only person I know who seems to add on more clothes to go to the beach.  There he is being aggressively non-nekkid.  Full outfit.  Shoes.  Cap.  Long sleeves.  Stuff in his pocket. 

@Xan, you clearly missed the fact that the top button of his shirt is unbuttoned! He's wild and free!

On October 30, Gary is mumbling about prayers when the video begins. "Thank you Jesus" man is there again, and Gary asks his name, promising to remember it if he is reminded for ten years.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+corinthians+13%3A1-7&version=KJV

KJV: In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.
BGV: In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be extabliched.

KJV: I write to them which heretofore have sinned
BGV: I write to them which here four to have sinned

KJV: For we also are weak in him, but we shall live with him by the power of God toward you.
BGV: For we also are weak in him, but we - we shall live by him -  we shall live - lemme start that verse - start up there - for we also are - are weak. In him, but we shall live with him by the power of God towards you.

And, of course "reprobates" becomes "reptobate" - three times!

Captions:

Spoiler

 

He re-reads verse 5 (another "reptobate!")

Spoiler

He wants to preach on Let's Examine Ourselves.

After screaming some auto-Gary, he uses the examination of a doctor as a metaphor, talking about how the doctor will listen with "that little earpiece," he says that God wants us to "set down," so he can "get the examine stick out, an' just examine us" and let us examine ourselves.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=genesis+3%3A6&version=KJV

He reads it, then says "Look in verses - uh - go back, lemme - verses six - OK - here's what - here - lemme ask you a question - in examinin' yourself - here's a choice that Eve made . . . "

And he's off on his usual routine about this verse.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=genesis+3%3A7-10&version=KJV

"How about this - not only examine yer choices, examine where yer at."

After more familiar screams, Gary tells a new story.

"Ah was talkin' to a preacher before you got here, brother, an' he's been - he's already - he's at retahrment age but he's still workin' because  of finances" (stupid-person voice) "because the government just owns everything amen." Back to normal Gary voice, "An' he was talkin' to me an' he said God give him - we maht as well say this much or whatever an' ah'm gonna say ah'm not gonna say God give - God allowed himta git th'Covit to slow him down." 

He says this man says he needs to make some choices. I wonder if he's talking about Henry the fiddling pastor.

Gary goes on to say that, whenever we "put God on the back burner, we're gonna do this thing called floppin' an' failin' Jesus Chrise. Ah mean, ah'm down south ah kin talk those words, amen."

After lots of familiar shriek-babble, including saying that people don't come to church because they are afraid of being called out by the preacher, then contradicting himself and saying the problem today is that nobody's ashamed of their sins,  we get: "Ah just read on the news today that there was a schoolteacher somewhere that took a 13-year-old, had sex with him, an' ended up in jail. She ain't ashamed."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=genesis+3%3A11-13&version=KJV

KJV: Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?
BGV: Who told thee that thou was nekkid? Hath thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldeth not eat of?

"Here's another thing an' huh - what about this in examine ourselves? Who we - who we are."

After yelling about that for a while, he makes reference to 2 Corinthians again, and gets into how we need to "prove ourselves," as well as examining ourselves.

Then he attempts John 14:8:

KJV: Philip saith unto him, Lord, show us the Father, and it sufficeth us.
BGV: And Philip said unTO him, Lord, show us the Father, and it will suffishin for us.

He screams a bit of the 23rd Psalm, then goes on about how God is "suffishah" for him. Gas prices, the price of stamps, his van not running right, all get mentioned, but we are reassured, at top volume, that God has more money than the government,  Fauci, or Donald Trump.

And then he runs through his upcoming itinerary. Again. "God has scheduled these meetings, God has put me in evangelism, and if God wants me in Indiana, ah'll be there next Sattidy naht amen!"

"Do you know wha - is it the . . . " He struggles. "The - Amish. D'you know wha the Amish don't know about the Covit? They don't got a television."

Gary makes sure they know that the Amish religion is wrong. "Ah even got t'talk to a Mindinnite" who works on his van.

 Captions:

Spoiler

While telling them how his Trump 2024 hat gets him opportunities to witness, he says "Now ah wanna say somethin' to ya - the four years Donal Trump was in office, he - ah'm gonna tellya wha things was so good. 'Cause he - follered somewhatta God."

That "somewhat" covers a large gap, Gary.

He also claims that, whenever someone said he was "doing good," Trump said "It's God! It's God! It's God!"

We get a teensy bit of the martyrdom fantasy, and more of the routine about God having all of the money and taking care of Gary.

More later.

[thoughtful]

Finishing up the October 30 message, Gary reads 1 John 4:15; Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God.

And he's off and shrieking about how God lets him use the tent, and gave him a family to play the piano and help set up the sound equipment, and how it's all about Jesus. He achieves full preachgasm, over and over. I think Thank You Jesus man inspires him.

He goes on about Miss Frances and how wonderful it was that Jesus healed her, and how happy she is to be in Heaven, representing Jesus now.

He reads 2 Corinthians 5:17; Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

Gary says he can prove God is real, because He changed him. He tells his offensive story about the "drunk Indian" who used to come to the church in South Dakota to eat.

Screaming on about how God changed him, Gary tells them that he doesn't want to curse, chase women or drink liquor any more.

He tells them to look at Acts 1:1  - no, 1:11 - no, 1:12 -  no, 1:8.

KJV: But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judaea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth.
BGV: But ye shall receive powers, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, an' Judaea, an' Samaria, an' the other most parts of the worl'.

Gary screams about going out to godbother people. As ever, the captions have a problem with how he elides "death, burial and resurrection:"

 

Spoiler

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+timothy+2%3A1god5&version=KJV

Gary wants people to know what God says, so he studies the word of God, and comes up with original messages, not just something off of the Internet like some of the young preachers.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+timothy+1%3A12&version=KJV

KJV: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day.
BGV: for I knowuuu - whom I have believed, am persuaded that he is able to - able t'keep that which is - he has committed -  unto him against that day.

Familiar crap follows, loudly.

He tells a story about a preacher who claimed the devil came to visit him twice and accused him of not being saved. The man says he took the devil to the spot where he was saved - twice. Then he told him that, if he wanted a third visit, he was on his own.

 

[AliceUpsideDown]

I have to admit that I came to FJ to snark on some of the more mainstream fundies, but this is quickly becoming my new favorite part of the site. Thank you for deciphering these incoherent ramblings, I frequently actually LOL.

[FiveAcres]

1 hour ago, AliceUpsideDown said:

I have to admit that I came to FJ to snark on some of the more mainstream fundies, but this is quickly becoming my new favorite part of the site. Thank you for deciphering these incoherent ramblings, I frequently actually LOL.

I do hope you have checked out the JillRod threads: usually the most popular thread.

[Black Aliss]

On 12/10/2021 at 5:57 AM, Xan said:

Gary is the only person I know who seems to add on more clothes to go to the beach.  There he is being aggressively non-nekkid.  Full outfit.  Shoes.  Cap.  Long sleeves.  Stuff in his pocket.  I'm surprised that he didn't add on a coat and mittens.

I, for one, thank him.  Every inch of Gary-skin covered is a win for us all.

There seems to be a lot more skin on him these days, too. Or, I suppose it's the same skin, just more filled out underneath.

[thoughtful]

4 hours ago, AliceUpsideDown said:

I have to admit that I came to FJ to snark on some of the more mainstream fundies, but this is quickly becoming my new favorite part of the site. Thank you for deciphering these incoherent ramblings, I frequently actually LOL.

You're welcome! Gary is unique, and I seem to be uniquely interested in listening and hoping for yet another classic Garyism. I am generally a kind person, but I've never encountered someone as eminently, totally mockable as Bro Gary.

October 31 was a Sunday, and Gary left the revival to preach the morning service in a church in Conway SC. The man in the white shirt is introducing Gary when the video starts, but Jacob comes up first, to lead songs. We get a lovely look at the latest haircut Becky gave Gary.

Spoiler

The congregation sings I Must Tell Jesus, then Gary bustles to the front, saying that it's good to be in church. The Hawkinses sing I Can't Quit.

Gary reads:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+corinthians+16%3A9-14&version=KJV

Lots of errors and stumbles. He re-reads verse 13, and makes sure they understand his ever-so-clever point about the word "quit."

"Watch ye. Stand fast. In the faith. Quit ye like men, be strong. Now when you look up that word, an' ah did look it up this mornin', just for the sake of th'part ever'body should know, but this ain't talkin' about quittin', givin' up, set down, _______ (meaningless syllables), be all done with, Bob - but Brother Bobby Roberson, ah'm sure Brother Joe's heard of him, up in uh Walkertown which is now uh with the Lord ah've already got some water hallelujah but uh -  he said thatcha didn't retahr in fact he told Gospel Light Baptist Church in Walkertown, he said ah'm gonna pasture 'til ah'm a hundred, then ah'm goin' into evangelism."

In case you're confused, Brother Bobby is "with the Lord," not the entire town of Walkertown, and Jacob came up with a water bottle in the middle of that.

Gary says that the "quitting like men" in the KJV means "just stand up an' do somethin'."

But he quickly returns to the modern definition, and rants about people who quit, won't "work a job," etc. The usual irony-meter-destroying crap.

Gary announces the next reading, in Genesis, and makes his usual joke attempt  about starting in Genesis and ending in Revelation (he puts an s on it, of course), and how it may take a while. While Gary's fumbling with pages, a man's voice calmly calls out:

Spoiler

Gary laughs, and asks if they are Krispy Kremes.

He reads Genesis 7:7, doing pretty well, other than adding an "s" to flood.

And Noah went in, and his sons, and his wife, and his sons' wives with him, into the ark, because of the waters of the flood.

Then he tells them the title of his message is Wha Ah Cain't Quit. Wha Ah Cain't Quit.

Gary can't quit because he has loved ones that are not saved. He launches into his usual screaming about that, including his wish that some of them would end up in jail so at least they'd hear the gospel, and his determination not to quit "no matter who it harelips."

Gary cracks wise about Brother Joe and someone else planning to go to Africa to "see a dog." This gets a huge squealing laugh from several women.

Basenji humor?

Gary revs up to a climax about how he's looking forward to seeing his grandbaby and how, even though she won't see him very often, he wants her to know her grandfather is working for the Lord, and "going on for her sake."

 

Gary reads Job 42:7.

KJV: And it was so, that after the Lord had spoken these words unto Job, the Lord said to Eliphaz the Temanite, My wrath is kindled against thee, and against thy two friends: for ye have not spoken of me the thing that is right, as my servant Job hath.
BGV: And it was  So, that after the Lord had spoken these words unto Job, the Lord als - als - the Lord said to - Elifim the Tenamite, My wrath is kindled against thee, and against thy two friends: for ye have not spoken of me the things that is right, as my servant Job has.

He lays it on thick about Job's "frenemies," as ever, acting as if that's a clever new word he just made up. He rants and screams about his critics, and people who go to college and think they're smarter than God. He refutes the need to learn Greek or Hebrew, because "ah live in the 21st century, an' we go with hillbilly words amen. Ah think somma this King James Bahble's got a lotta hillbilly in it amen."

Apparently there was another argument on Facebook, because someone asked where they should go to college, Gary said they should learn from their local church. But I don't know whose page it was on.

He also claims he posted something against Halloween. But, as I said before, I've seen nothing on his Facebook page but videos since mid-October, so I don't know where it was. The captions are quite accurate this time - this is what Gary said about being against Halloween:

Spoiler

Nah, Gary - he loved it!

Gary will buy his candy on November first, and it won't be from the aisle with the pictures of spiders. I have a hard time imagining Gary not going for the marked down items, but maybe, if someone else is along to pay, he'll get the full-price stuff, just to avoid any Halloween images.

He also said the place where he was staying was doing "trunk or treat," and he's against that, too.

Gary didn't mean to preach about Halloween, but that's OK. And he's off and ranting about people who don't want to come to church.

Gary takes a crack at reading 1 Samuel 17:29.

KJV: And David said, What have I now done? Is there not a cause?
BGV: And David said unto him, What - said unto him, have a - lemme start all over And David said, what have I now done? Is there not a cause?

Gary's not going to quit because there's a cause. Which, so far, he seems to be pronouncing "cause," rather than his usual "cow-ooze."

Hey, maybe that's Gary's secret way of letting us know he thinks it's all bullshit!

He babbles about the property he looked at in New York, but assures them he's not crazy enough to move there - he's thinking about Florida, though. He tells them about the church that had a guy - let me quote him: "no, actually, ah'm just gonna go ahead an' be honest with ya an' use plain - plain Gary hillbilly words from the Lord Jesus Chra - had a punk t'come in an' destroy the church."

Gary, "punk" is not in the KJV - you've claimed Goliath used it, and now you think it was what Jesus would have said?

He spews his usual crap about not needing to go to Africa to find Africans to save, and the guy who watched his video about church planting in the US, and got "called" to Mexico. Then comes his faux praise of the people behind the scenes, including women (he makes sure to remind them that they may not preach) and whoever cleans the church commode.

That reminds him of the passage in 1 Corinthians about the parts of the body. How does he point out how they are all important? In true Gary fashion: "Trah t'be lahk wonna those cripple people that don't have a f - that don't have legs, and trah t'walk!"

He asks if he's making sense, tries to crack wise about the pulpit being too small (he keeps dropping things), and asks them to look in Daniel chapter three.

I need a break - I shall return.

 

[Xan]

9 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary revs up to a climax about how he's looking forward to seeing his grandbaby and how, even though she won't see him very often, he wants her to know her grandfather is working for the Lord, and "going on for her sake."

 

Excuse me?  He's grifting through America while yelling at people in the congregation for his granddaughter's sake?  Yeah... no.  He's saving precisely zero people from eternal hellfire and is pissing off anybody who isn't fundie.  Lord only knows how many people he's breathed germs on while he wanders about without a mask.  And I'm sure those congregations would have been in better shape if they didn't have to house and feed him.  He actually causes more trouble instead of being a help.

Nope, Gary.  You're no martyr and no hero.  And your granddaughter owes you exactly jack squat.

[AuntKrazy]

On 11/22/2021 at 8:03 AM, smittykins said:

I know one version of the Apostles’ Creed says “He descended into Hell,” while the one in the Episcopal Book of Common Prayer says, “He descended to the dead.” I’m no Bible scholar, so I don’t know if “Hell” in this instance means “the fiery place of torment” or “the common grave of humanity.”

Because I have a need to geek out: In theology proper, this is the "ransom theory of atonement", which was popularized by Origen.  It's considered well outside the boundaries of orthodoxy by Christianity as spiritual debts are owed to God, not Satan and orthodox views (from Anselm forward)would consider it heresy to say that Jesus/God had to pay Satan for anything.  In post-reformation evangelicalism, forensic justification/penal substitition is preferred. 

[Black Aliss]

On 12/14/2021 at 6:11 AM, Xan said:

Nope, Gary.  You're no martyr and no hero.  And your granddaughter owes you exactly jack squat.

Still, she's better off if Gary isn't in her life much. Which is not to say that there aren't plenty of crazies in her life already.

Speaking of Gary, I think I found the truck he really wants:

Spoiler

 

[EyesOpen]

He’d love that but couldn’t possible afford to fuel and Maintain it… 

[Beermeet]

I haven't looked at Bro Gary stuff in forever!    I have a lot to read!

Is anyone willing to give me the cliffs?  Where are the living?  Any kids still with them?  Biggest recent grift? 

TY!

[Hane]

I just thought of a rom-com TV movie I had on a few weeks ago as background noise: It was a pretty generic “clean” one about a bachelor falling in love with a young widowed mother. Sprinkled through it were brief references to “needing Jesus,” going to church, and Bible study classes. There was nothing at all explaining why these things were important or what they represented—just the strong implication that they were “good.”

It reminded me of the theology of so many fundies we follow here. The main (and occasionally only) point of their belief system is “we’re all sinners saved by the blood of Christ.” The most common fundie add-on involves anything sexual—no sexual activity except in heteronormative marriage between two Christians who are doing it to reproduce. Usually strict gender roles are tacked on, too.

We rarely see any significant stress placed on  caring for the poor, or any of those pesky social justice issues Jesus emphasized.

Binge recommendation: “The Righteous Gemstones,” an HBO series starring John Goodman, about a family made wealthy by their megachurch.

[thoughtful]

On 12/17/2021 at 8:01 PM, Beermeet said:

Where are the living?  Any kids still with them?  Biggest recent grift? 

They are living nowhere - still forever on the road.

Only Jacob remains with them.

Still just petty grifts, as far as I know, other than room and board every single day and night.

Becky posted (physiologist? Don't let spellcheck make assumptions, Becky). Also, CW for people who can't stand to see fundie platitudes about depression:

Spoiler

 

[Beermeet]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

They are living nowhere - still forever on the road.

Only Jacob remains with them.

Still just petty grifts, as far as I know, other than room and board every single day and night.

Becky posted (physiologist? Don't let spellcheck make assumptions, Becky). Also, CW for people who can't stand to see fundie platitudes about depression:

  Hide contents

 

It's so sad these people don't see mental wellness as a thing outside of God.  Faith is great but sometimes we need actual help and/or medication.   There is no shame in it. We're all a mess after Covid and Trump.  

TY for the cliffs!

I can't imagine continually living as they do.  So, that hasn't changed since 1 1/2 years ago. They are quite lucky to have a warm place to rest after all these years. Becky tolerates her life much much better than I could in her position.  Literally nothing has changed it seems!  

Here four two,

Sis. Beermeet*

*remember that FJ trend?!

 

Edit: Becky has got to realize a little bit that her holiday blues would be lesser if she had a place to call home, right?  Where her children could visit her.  Who tf tools around with Bro Gary at her age?  We may never know. 

Edited December 20, 2021 by Beermeet

[thoughtful]

Finishing up the service from the morning of 10/31, Gary reads:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Daniel+3%3A16-18&version=KJV

"How 'bout this raht here 'nother reason not t'quit - knowin' what God can do."

"Nebuchadnezzar built a God. You know what America's doin' raht now if you wanna still call us America - "

We interrupt this rant to show you what the captions thought he said:

Spoiler

"They're buildin' gods now an' ah'm gon' tellya what the biggest god is raht now is that thing called money amen? Everybody's gittin' a little bitta money an' the government's just handin' it out an' everybody's just sayin' bring it ohn, bring it ohn, brang it ohn, an' not realizin' hey do you realize every stimulus check we got even from Donal' Trump to t'day we're payin' taxes on it now. "

Well, you're not, Gary.

He screams that there's nobody today to say they are not going to bow down to the government's money. "Ah trahd mah best - mah wahf even went on th'website t'get the money not t'come t'me until the end of the year."

Yes, that seems to be Gary's brave attempt at entering the fiery furnace to show his faith - he told his missus to get on a website and try to delay getting some government money until later.

He declares that, if "this next big stimulus check" (by which I'm pretty sure he means the entire Build Back Better bill) passes, he "will never pay another dime of taxes."

He claims that it includes an eight-cents-a-mile tax on driving a vehicle (which is, of course, not true). Nobody will be able to go anywhere!

Some standard-issue Garyblab follows, then "Ah go out to the Indian reservations, an' ya wanna talk about wicked, wicked people, that are not saved? Ahwanna tellya raht now they're wicked. Worshippin' them ahdols, makin' different kindsa things? Ah'm gonna tellya but ahwanna tellya somethin' ah know what God can do to those Indianssss."

Y'know, we really have to stop thinking of Gary as lazy - he works so damned hard at being disgusting, bigoted and offensive.

He says that, although most people wouldn't agree with him, "Ah believe Joe Bahden could git saved, if we could git to 'im."

Captions:

Spoiler

He screams:

Spoiler

That never gets old.

Also, he says that people of God should get into the government, showing his usual fine understanding of both the Bible and the US government.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Daniel+3%3A24-25&version=KJV

Gary fumbles and stumbles and adds and takes away words as he attempts these two verses he has read many times.

He's not going to quit because he knows who God is.

The price of gas and his hopes for getting his truck back enter into the usual crap about God having lots of money.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+1%3A4-9&version=KJV

Another reason not to quit - Jesus was faithful. "Whenever He wrote Philippians chapter 4 in verse 19, He meant it."

Didn't Paul write that, Gary?

Gary zooms through his recitation of the promises of Jesus, and the captions have some trouble with "I'm gonna lay in a borrowed tomb, an' you did hear it, a borrowed tomb:"

Spoiler

Here are two bars of Jesus:

I'm not apologizing for any earworms - it's Bach!

 

Gary says a family member told him that, now that he has a grandchild, he'll make his way south a little more. But no, Gary says he won't put the grandchild before God. He wouldn't put any family member before God.

You mean before your selfish wanderlust and need to be the star, Gary.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=colossians+3%3A22-23&version=KJV

Gary can't quit because of who he's "doin' it for."

Finally, Gary attempts Matthew 9:37, which is only 16 words long, and very well-known. And yet . . .

KJV: Then saith he unto his disciples, The harvest truly is plenteous, but the labourers are few;
BGV: Then.  Said. He unto his disciples, The harvest is truly. Plentiful, but the labors are few;

He tells a story he's told a few times before, but I don't think I've passed it on to you all. One night, there was nobody at the place he was supposed to preach but himself, Becky and Jacob, and he was ready to call off the service.

"Ah said, 'Ah'm goin' to the bathroom, then ah'm gonna pack up.' Ah went to the bathroom, ah walked back down, ___________" (the rest is mumbled, but I know from past tellings that he decided to have church, and that, a few minutes after he started, some other people came in).

He adds the detail about going to the bathroom every time he tells it, which just cracks me up. Gary, when you tell a story, it paints a picture for the listener. You leave us wondering what inspired you to go back out and preach your little heart out - the smell of your feces? The sound of your zipper? The gleaming porcelain of the church restroom?

He mumbles and screams about how it's all about Jesus, not Gary, and how it's worth continuing if even one more soul gets saved, then abruptly drops into his final prayer.

Edited December 20, 2021 by thoughtful
riffle of Satan, begone!

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, Beermeet said:

Here four two,

Sis. Beermeet*

*remember that FJ trend?!

Yes, I do!

I just realized I must name my next dog "Fourtwo," so I can call "Here, Fourtwo!"

Sis thoughtful.

[postscript]

My mind instantly went to a different kind of bar, one which serves non-Gary approved beverages. 

Becky can shut up about depression unless she’s been through a major bout and is willing to admit it. People who haven’t been through major depression have zero idea what it’s like. I would love it if prayer and meditating on the Bible made me feel better. Perhaps it works for other people, but I’ve tried and it doesn’t. You know what does? Admitting I have depression, talking about my problems and hearing that I’m not the only person in the world to suffer from it. 

I recently attended a zoom memorial service, which took place at the deceased’s church during a regular service. I haven’t been to a service in many years. The pulpit was walled off from the rest of the sanctuary by glass, and everyone was masked. The pastor, a woman of color, could not have been more different than Gary. Her message emphasized baptism (infant baptism, in this denomination) as the act of salvation, and specifically disavowed altar calls. She didn’t get into politics, other than to encourage vaccination. While I still don’t think I could practice religion again, this was the first religious message in a long time to give me comfort rather than make me feel inadequate. 

 

[thoughtful]

37 minutes ago, postscript said:

My mind instantly went to a different kind of bar, one which serves non-Gary approved beverages. 

So did mine, but various google image searches for Jesus in a bar or pub didn't turn up anything I liked. So I went with musical bars. After all, Gary said "did you hear it?"

And I'm with you 100% about depression. Humans are complex and varied - people who suggest simplistic, one-size-fits-all solutions, to any problem, but especially life's greatest ones, make me rage.

[Alisamer]

19 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

And I'm with you 100% about depression. Humans are complex and varied - people who suggest simplistic, one-size-fits-all solutions, to any problem, but especially life's greatest ones, make me rage.

Same. You know full well that if Gary broke his arm, he'd be in the ER getting treatment for it first thing. He's taken regular medications before, as has Becky. 

So if some part of their body breaks, or their body chemistry gets out of whack, they'll run to the doctor and take medicine and treat it. Brain chemistry gets out of whack? Just pray. 

[thoughtful]

Becky posted this - does somebody have a cough, Becky?

Spoiler

I'd recommend Luden's or Ricola, but I know you want to support some other woman trapped in an MLM selling magic beans.

The evening of 10/31 was the last service under the tent in Loris SC. Gary is blathering about what a "whirlwin'" it's been as the video starts. He says Ernie is back and Marge, who didn't go with Ernie but was sick, is also back under the tent.

I'd be suspicious that Marge really said "Ernie, I'm not going to go listen to that dolt without you," but, sad to say, I think she's also a Gary fan and was actually ill.

As Gary is saying his thank-yous, we hear what sounds like gunshots or explosions - six of them. After the first one, Gary says "Hallelujah, got another deer." As they continue, he says they must have gotten more than one, and laughs. Someone says "That's a big gun." We continue to hear this sound, off and on, throughout the message.

Gary says "It's just been a joy amen - we've enjoyed ourselves here." The captions have other ideas:

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At one point, while telling people about his itinerary (nobody cares, Gary), he uses the expression "Lord's a-willin'." The captions:

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Do the lords of William know Lord Daniel from the laundromat?

He goes on to explain that they'll be taking care of the house, dogs and church of the Pridgen family, while the Pridgens go to Africa to visit a son who is a missionary there, because they're getting up in age (and, of course, he tells them about their health issues).

He seems to have slipped from his thank-yous into prayers - he asks people to pray for the Pridgens, his friends who had deaths in the family, and Ernie's family in New York, who are now planning to move South.

"That gov'mint don't change they ain't gon' have nobody left up there. That's awraht we'll take some more conservatives in the south, amen?"

He thinks (he has to check with Becky) his daughter is pretty well recovered from "whatever the deal was," and Brother J. T. (who I believe is the actual acting pastor of this church), who had some sort of "episode" that morning, while Gary was preaching at another church.

"Ah git a phone call an' ah'm still in church, an' uhhhh, ah said 'Man whoever that is trahin' t'git in touch with me' now mah phone's on the thing but mah watch it tells me an' ah didn't look at it ah was preachin', but ah said 'Whoever that is is wantin' t'really git in touch with me real bad,' an so ah seen it was Brother Ernie an' so ah stepped out an' called him and uh . . . .but do pray for him."

He asks for prayers for their travels, and rattles off still more of their upcoming itinerary. He announces "Flipyins 2," then tells people when they should come to help take down the tent, and spends a long time telling Ernie he needs to be reminded to give him back the key to the church.

Gary announces Philippians 2 again, then tells them he was planning to preach something else, but "the Lord started tuggin' ma heart" that morning."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=philippians+2%3A1-8&version=KJV

KJV: Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.
BGV: Fulfil ye - feel - fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likemahnded, having the same love, being of one mahnd an' accord, being of one mahnd accord, an' of one mind what is it?
Becky: "One accord and one mind."
Gary (ignoring her as he looks toward the back of the tent): "Well, praise the Lord, that's some more people comin' in. Bein' of one mahnd  - "
Thank You Jesus Man: "Praise the Lord!"
Gary (totally distracted): "Bein' of one cord an' one mahnd. Praise the Lord."

That last Praise the Lord was definitely in the context of "I can't believe what a mess I just made of that," not happy praise. Oh, Gary, if only you could say "Shit!" or even "Christ on a cracker!" Or, better yet: "I'm so sorry, folks. Let me slow down and really think about what these words mean."

KJV: Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.
BGV: Let nothing be done throughout strife or venglory; but then lowliness of mahnd let each exteem other better than themselves.

He re-misreads verses 7 and 8, then "Now we're lookin' here, here's Jesus, He's comin' uh an' comin' down to be - uh, do what He's s'posed t'do in His ministry of coming to dah an' He was 100% God and 100% man. But he never one tahm sinned amen? An' in the sin but we'll talk about that in a little bit, but as we look at these scriptures you look at verses seven an' ya look at verses eight here's the message tonaht the title of th'message; The Shame That Jesus Took. The Shame That Jesus Took listen hey He took a lotta shame ah got a few thangs written down here on some thangs but listen hey He took the shame, He you think about this: a KING! You ever, you you you think of somebody that you might know, or maybe some TV show or whatever you wanna think of tonight on the part of a king? Ah never seen a king become - uh, uh, not a king anymore, amen? Ah never seen anybody that was haher up other than makin' wrong decisions, but ah'm talkin' about far as bein' in a royal family, havin' all the great things livin' in like a mansion or a castle or whatever you wanna think, but here's Jesus - He lived in Heaven, He was in Heaven, He was in the portals of glory there, an' He chose to leave the portals of glory, He chose to leave His father . . . to come down t'earth."

And he screams on about Jesus taking everybody's shame, and how God (and/or Jesus) has feelings and people hurt His/His/Their feelings all the time.

Gary screams out Romans 5:8 by memory, and the captions have some trouble with his pronunciation of "His love toward us:"

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After some screaming about how nobody's ashamed enough any more, Gary announces Psalms 22. See you there, later.

[postscript]

I thought of “lords of William”:in the context of Prince William. But perhaps I read too much British history. I doubt Gary has heard of the British monarchy. 

When he talks about never having seen a king, my mind went instantly to his beloved Donald Trump. The man considered himself a king (along the lines of Louis XIV or the Russian tsars, not current constitutional monarchs). Again, Gary is too uneducated (and, frankly, stupid) to see the parallels. 

“Mah watch it tells me” - these people are living hand to mouth. He’s constantly begging for funds to get his truck fixed. How does Gary afford a smart watch? Though I enjoy his amazement that his watch alerts when he gets a phone call. 

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, postscript said:

I doubt Gary has heard of the British monarchy. 

Oh, but he has! He has talked about that guy that married that woman and wants out or is being thrown out or whatever - he's practically an expert!

One of his standard routines is about being a member of the royal family of God, with Jesus' blood running through him, and he tries to compare that to royal families in the real world.

So I think we can safely say he's heard of them.

And he has paid only enough attention to get some twisted vague idea that serves his purposes.

Y'know, like he's done with every other subject - math, language, ethics, human relationships, science, nutrition, God, the Bible . . .

1 hour ago, postscript said:

When he talks about never having seen a king, my mind went instantly to his beloved Donald Trump. The man considered himself a king (along the lines of Louis XIV or the Russian tsars, not current constitutional monarchs). Again, Gary is too uneducated (and, frankly, stupid) to see the parallels. 

He is - however, he didn't mean he'd never seen a king at all. He was saying he had never seen a king who voluntarily gave up his power to humble himself, like Jesus did. I should have put in an interpretation of that one, because I think it's hard to figure that out from reading it. Sorry about that.

Donald, as we all know, definitely wouldn't do that. Gary can worship Jesus for giving up everything to humble himself and die, because it was 2000 years ago and no skin off of his nose. But woe to anyone who asked Trump to accept defeat (or, for that matter, do anything to help people who needed help while he had the job - y'know, like Jesus would have wanted).

1 hour ago, postscript said:

“Mah watch it tells me” - these people are living hand to mouth. He’s constantly begging for funds to get his truck fixed. How does Gary afford a smart watch? Though I enjoy his amazement that his watch alerts when he gets a phone call. 

He's even more spoiled than you may realize - he didn't sound amazed at all. He tossed that comment off very casually - more like "Of course my watch told me" than his being impressed by that fact. I think his point was that that's how he knew when the calls came in, despite the phone being on the "thing" (tripod, away from him).

I think Gary is accustomed to all of his modern luxuries, provided by the work of others. And I think he's a gadget-lover, despite sometimes being frustrated by being too stupid to use some of them well.

While giving his thank-yous at the end of the October tent meetings, Gary said the place where they were staying was the nicest place they'd ever stayed. It sounds like they ate just about every meal at Ernie's (I assume for free), unless someone took them out to another restaurant.

I always wonder how long Becky had to coach him, and what she writes down for him, for the thank-you speeches. I can't imagine Gary would remember to do that on his own, let alone do it graciously and with some details. There's a "this is someone else's voice" feeling to them that makes me think they are scripts from Becky. If Gary decides to throw in an insulting tease to the wife or teenage child of a host, the contrast is even more jarring.

But, as Jill might say, I regress. 😁

Because they are dependent on others, they may have to take what they can get, so the accommodations and meals and gifts vary. But, in general, I get the impression they are living a much more luxurious and high-tech life than Gary and Becky's actual value as workers could ever have provided.

And Gary thinks it's due him - oh, not because he's so wonderful, of course - he's justasinnersavedbygrace - but because he is doing the work God/Jesus (are you sure it wasn't just some "gah who posted ohn Facebook" Gary?) called him to do, and he won't quit!

 

[thoughtful]

Becky got some more comments on her depressing depression post.

Michelle might win the Super Christian Most Self-Righteous Prize. I wonder what she's doing on 12/25.

Lucinda Bedwell, she of the Dickensian name, is talking about the hymn Count Your Blessings, written by someone else with a Dickensian name.

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