Bro Gary Hawkins 19: God Even Uses the Perforated People

[Dana723]

20 hours ago, thoughtful said:

As Gary is saying his thank-yous, we hear what sounds like gunshots or explosions - six of them. After the first one, Gary says "Hallelujah, got another deer." As they continue, he says they must have gotten more than one, and laughs. Someone says "That's a big gun." We continue to hear this sound, off and on, throughout the message.

 

...and no one is worried about this?  Huh.

 

And I should add, @thoughtful, just how much I've missed your recaps.  I always look forward to them because you have the best sense of humor.  I always get a good chuckle!

Edited December 21, 2021 by Dana723
Double post - dang that Beansie!

[Black Aliss]

On 12/11/2021 at 8:06 PM, thoughtful said:

Gary makes sure they know that the Amish religion is wrong. "Ah even got t'talk to a Mindinnite" who works on his van.

 

Wait. Did he just conflate Mennonites and Midianites?

11 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Oh, but he has! He has talked about that guy that married that woman and wants out or is being thrown out or whatever - he's practically an expert!

er. . .would that be Harry and Meghan he's talking about?

[thoughtful]

3 hours ago, Dana723 said:

..and no one is worried about this?  Huh.

Well, damn, woman - ain't nothin' to worry 'bout, 'less yer lookin' down the barrel of the gun!

Sorry, just channeling Gary and his ilk.

Where is that shudder emoji?

And thank you for the compliments.

Continuing the 10/31 evening rantfest, Gary reads Psalm 22:1-2. He tries to do it dramatically, like someone truly crying out in pain, but he keeps screwing up the words.

KJV: My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring? O my God, I cry in the day time, but thou hearest not; and in the night season, and am not silent.
BGV: My Gawwwd, my God, why hath thou forsaken me? why art thou far from me -  far from helping me, and from the words of my rowing? O my God, I cry. In the day time, but thou heareth me not; and in the naht season, and ah am - an ah - an am and and not silent.

The captions have a problem with the "far from me" bit, and with his pronunciation of "am not silent:"

Spoiler

"You know what shame Jesus took? When God turned His own back ohn His own son."

So, Jesus took God's shame?

He screams about people who have bad relationships with their fathers, Facebook being full of shameful things, how bad the government's been for the last 18 months and how the media lies, because somehow that all makes sense to Gary.

He reads Matthew 8:20: And Jesus saith unto him, The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head.

Captions:

Spoiler

More screaming about how Jesus left the portals of Heaven and lived on all borrowed things his entire life, as does Gary (but don't feel sorry for him). Gary has what he has because Jesus took his shame.

Well, I'll agree that you're pretty shameless, Gary.

Oh, and his truck may be coming back to him soon.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+27%3A27-31&version=KJV

Sloppily read, of course.

"What about this - He took the shame of bein' mowked and made fun of."

When reminding them that the soldiers spat on Jesus, he asks how many of them would be willing to stand still and let people "go __________ (blowing noise) in your faccccce? Jesus did."

Well, at least he didn't actually spit. That's a mercy.

While screaming about how Jesus took the beatings that Gary knew he couldn't stand, he says "Sometahms ah wonder if ah could even handle mah Mama's whuppin's."

Captions:

Spoiler

And, as usual, he proudly tells them how, "in the day an' hour we're livin' in now," people would call his Mama a child abuser.

God corrects Gary right away when he does wrong - God "doesn't care what social worker's settin' there, He don't care what police officer's settin' there."

He screams on about how Jesus was beaten, and how it was shameful for him to be "nekkid" in front of all those people.

And he expresses his disgust about people who go out in those "abominations" they call bathing suits. At the beach "the other day" (so who knows when), "no disrespect to older - elderly people, but ahmanna tellya this ol' woman, prob'ly what - seven - what - seventy years ol', she needed t'put some clothes ohn. Ah'm tellin' ya raht now  'bout made me vomit raht there on the beach. AMEN!"

Gary, if an older woman in a bathing suit bothers you more than young women, there's something going on in your mind other than thinking everyone should be fully clothed to swim.

He rants on about the woman on the beach, and her shame (or lack of shame), then screeches "HAYMEN! Good preachin' if ah am doin' it!" so wildly that the captions do this:

Spoiler

I believe that "Hey, Mike, the prince of flame dude hit" has potential as a thread title.

He fumbles and stumbles through:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+27%3A58-66&version=KJV

All of the sepulchres are "septickers," of course. Gary makes the captions think Joseph was a composer, and they struggle bravely with the "septickers."

Spoiler

With sirens in the background, Gary screams out a story about Death and the Devil having a conversation about trying to hold Jesus in the tomb. Death promised He'd be there "for the rest of his life."

Gary screams about not wanting a funeral, then veers off into talking about how he was teasing  brother Joe, saying he was going to Africa to meet a dog (OK, that explains that comment from the morning  - I guess the Pridgens' son and DIL have a new puppy, and now I realize it was their church Gary preached in that morning).

Gary says "he said ah was makin' fun of him an' embarrasin' him because ah said he was goin' t'Africa instead of go work for the Lord, he was gonna go see his little granddog, amen?"

Pure Gary - he can even repeat the fact that Pridgen said he felt made fun of and embarrassed, and it still doesn't sink in that his teasing is not always welcome.

Anyway, this is actually still part of Gary talking about his funeral - honest! Gary is hoping that his daughter and SIL will "come an hour so ah kin see mah gran'child." I assume he means he wants them to come to the Pridgens'. He screams that he told them not to worry about Brother Joe, "we'll have a party while he's gone!" He brings it full circle with "Ah don't want 'em havin' a funeral for me, 'cause ah'm afraid it'll be a party, an' ah won't be invahted!"

It all makes sense to Gary, folks.

Panting and exhausted, he claims he wasn't planning to get this excited, but shrieks on about how Buddha and Muhammed are burning in Hell because they don't believe in Jesus. But not Gary, because:

Spoiler

Yeah, captions, that's what I heard, as well.

Luke chapter two real quick like is next. I shall return.

[thoughtful]

21 minutes ago, Black Aliss said:

Wait. Did he just conflate Mennonites and Midianites?

Could be. Could just be Gary's near-total inability to pronounce things. It's sometimes hard to tell.

22 minutes ago, Black Aliss said:

er. . .would that be Harry and Meghan he's talking about?

Yes. Yes, it would.

[MayMay1123]

From now on until forever, sepulchers will be decepticons 🤣 thank you @thoughtful! 

[Xan]

Well, @thoughtful, this recap made my morning.  I'm loving the captions.  "Wow thou fart from me" and "There was Mary Magdalene and the other Mary sitting over on the decepticon" were great but I agree that the most title-worthy was "Hey, Mike, the prince of flame dude hit".  That was beautiful.

The bit about the older woman in a bathing suit on the beach was pretty disgusting.  If she had been young, Gary would have been pissed that she was trying to entice him with her looks but, since she was old, he made sure that we understood that he thinks old women are repulsive.  Back at ya, there, Gary.  You disgust me too.

[Alisamer]

17 hours ago, Dana723 said:

...and no one is worried about this?  Huh.

Nope.

Seriously. I wouldn't have been worried either. It just literally comes with the territory. I'm expecting lots of guns to be going off at New Year's here. Shootin' in the new year is something some people do. I have no idea why. Probably relates to some pagan tradition about scaring away spirits, but the people doing it would deny that. 

If I heard gunshots at work, in the city, I'd be concerned. But I live in a just-rural-enough area that I hear them from time to time.

I did, once, call the cops on someone in my neighborhood. They shot a deer in my backyard, from their front porch across the street, with an arrow. On Halloween. At like 5:30 pm - trick or treating time. I think the cops were more concerned about the fact it wasn't deer season.

Ugh.

[thoughtful]

Hey, you guys - don't compliment me for the wittiness of the captions - I think Beansie got in there and is doing all of that fine work!

1 hour ago, Xan said:

The bit about the older woman in a bathing suit on the beach was pretty disgusting.  If she had been young, Gary would have been pissed that she was trying to entice him with her looks but, since she was old, he made sure that we understood that he thinks old women are repulsive.  Back at ya, there, Gary.  You disgust me too.

Wasn't that just so incredibly, transparently repulsive?

Both times I've heard this story (don't know if it was the same story, because of Garyvagueness) I couldn't help imagining the woman as a practical soul who just wanted to enjoy the beach and wear something in which she could safely swim, wade or splash about, maybe with family - cute grandchildren, even. And, if she was showing off 70-year-old flesh in a teeny bikini, whatever it looked like, it's nobody's business but her own.

But Gary only saw someone who repulsed him because she didn't look good to him.  I doubt he realizes how this exposes the fact that he'd lust after a younger woman in a swimsuit. He'd probably make sure he got a good long look before he expressed his horror.

He went on about how, if asked, the woman would probably have said she was "saved." He tends to assume that about everyone in the the south. And I guess there's a chance that some of his disgust was because he felt that, at her age, she should "know better."

But I'm sticking with the "ew - old people are gross - if I have to see nekkid sinners, I want to see hot ones" interpretation.

Becky has posted, being just as morbid and self-righteous as her hubby. Gary, I'm shocked to see, took the hint.

Poor Tammy - for what she's going through, for how little her religion seems to be helping her, and for the totally bizarre answer Becky gave her:

Spoiler

Maybe "Let God be your husband this Christmas!" should be the next thread title

 

Becky continued on a dark and morbid - er, I mean, joyous in the love of Jesus - streak:

Spoiler

I think the "DH" is attribution to someone else, but who knows.

Edited December 22, 2021 by thoughtful
riffle, changing something to make it make sense when posts merged

[Ozlsn]

13 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Maybe "Let God be your husband this Christmas!" should be the next thread title

That is one of the most WTF things I have read, which in this thread is saying something. How does Becky even begin to think that is helpful? 

[smittykins]

So it’s not enough to let Jesus be your boyfriend when you’re young, now you have to let God be your husband too?

And I wonder what Bro Gary thinks is appropriate swimwear?  Or does he think men and women should swim separately?(No “mixed bathing.”)

[thoughtful]

10 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

That is one of the most WTF things I have read, which in this thread is saying something. How does Becky even begin to think that is helpful? 

I know - it may be one of the most WTF things I've ever seen on FJ - and I read the politics threads!  

1 hour ago, smittykins said:

I wonder what Bro Gary thinks is appropriate swimwear?

Whatever outfit they were wearing to walk around (I assume minus shoes, socks and belt). We've seen it. He did a poolside video when Jacob and Caleb were in a pool at a hotel.

ETA - found the videos - it looks like they were permitted to wear short sleeved t-shirts.

https://www.facebook.com/ghawkins38/videos/2382151615162992

https://www.facebook.com/ghawkins38/videos/2383505765027577

 

Edited December 23, 2021 by thoughtful

[thoughtful]

Well, it's almost Christmas, and here I am still back on Halloween, with Bro Gary and the Distant Guns (ooooh, band name!).

He announces Luke chapter 2, says, "We gotta give Brother Carl a little show, he didn't show up until late, amen, Luke chapter 2, ah hope ya mahnd - don't mahnd me pickin' ohn ya a little bit brother amen. Luke chapter 2, look in verses 7."

As he says the last bit, we hear a loud hearty laugh from a few men. Gary looks up:

Spoiler

He stares for a few seconds, and does not look amused, then says "Ah ain't - ah - listen, y'all ain't s'posed t'be back there laughin' an' me not knowin' what y'all sayin', amen."

By the end of the sentence, he's manages to sound a bit jollier, and now more men and women are laughing. For a moment there, I think Gary got a taste of what it feels like to be laughed at behind his back (well, metaphorically, since they're actually in front of his front, just too far away to be heard).

And that's fine with me.

As he reads, there is still some chatter going on. That may be what makes him read so badly, but it could just be the usual Garybrain. I shouldn't be mean - it's a very obscure verse 

KJV: And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
BGV: And she shall bring forth her first son - firstborn son, an' wrapped him in a cl - swad - an' wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for him. In the inn.

"Y'know what Jesus took? Now ah wanna say sump'n' to ya - if if you know Miss Marge was talkin' about before church or whatever there's some hillbillies up in upstate New York she didn't haveta tell me that - ah been goin' for almost nahn years they are hillbillies up there amen ah have met some real doozies up there amen! Butchu know what, have you ever thought about livin' on a farm?"

Oh, I see where he is going - he launches into his bit about his grandmother's stinky pigs and other livestock, and how it must have smelled bad in the manger. So that's how Miss Marge talking about New York hillbillies relates to his theme of The Shame That Jesus Took.

The captions don't recognize "Miss Marge:"

Spoiler

After his usual bit about farm smells, he's on to other smells - or maybe not. "Sometahms when ya go in a hospital, sometahm you kin go through an' there's some different kindsa smellssssss. But ah'manna tellya raht now  . . . heheh, mah wahf 'n' 'em left the door open there today for some reason or whatever it was an' ah said 'Well,' an' ah'd already had this message gon' be ready t'preach it whatever ah'd had it all finished up, an' ah walked over there to 'em an' ah said, 'What inna worl'? Are y'all tryin' t'leave the door open so y'all kin say that y'all was like Jesus an' y'was born in a barn amen?"

And, after ruining that joke (it's funnier as a visual, Gary), he's back to asking them to imagine the smell into which Jesus was born. Then he makes sure they know that tobacco, which his daddy used to grow, also smells pretty bad.

He keeps saying that Jesus "woke up, and that was his first smell." And every time, the captions say:

Spoiler

Are you saying "woke up" because you can't handle thinking about the process of Jesus getting born, Gary? Y'know, out of a woman's naughty bits and all?

"His shame was smellin' the farm." The captions seem to like Westerns:

Spoiler

Shane left the farm, Gary - hey, maybe it was the smell!

And he still goes on about the bad smell (and lighting - I guess low light is shameful?) in the stable, with a side trip to how good the corn is in New York because of something the cows do to it.

Finally he says we should be willing to take on shame, like Jesus did, and not be ashamed of the gospel (don't ask me - it's Garylogic).

"We was gittin' ready t'leave theee restaurant an' this little - ah don't know if it was a girl or a boy ah wasn't payin' it much attention but they was wavin' an' puttin' his hand out there her hand out there whatever. An' ah said 'How ya doin' young lady' or whatever it was, an' - y'know what, it give me an opportunity t'pull out a gospel track t'the parents an' ah said 'Give ya somethin' good t'read.'"

What, no rant about how he couldn't tell if it was a boy or girl because of the Evil World and how they don't distinguish any more? You missed a chance there, Gary.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=galatians+3%3A13&version=KJV

"After He was beaten upohn spitten upohn made fun of mowked . . . then He took the shame of the cross."

He zooms through the tortures a bit too fast for the captions:

Spoiler

While describing how the soldiers had to force the thieves to lie still to be put on the cross (but Jesus volunteered), Gary does his usual routine about how we should bring some of those old-time punishments back. 

He's such a cheery fellow. I bet if someone ran for office on the platform "bring back crucifixion," he'd have Gary's vote.

Gary does his routine asking if they've ever been in a courtroom charged with something. For once, he admits he has: "Ah bin in a courtroom a few tahms just for them trahin' t'take mah license because ah thought, back in the days 20-some years old ah'm a hot rod, ah got this, hey! Yeah, when ah was payin' $200 a month ohn tickets, ah mean $200 a month on INsurance ah wasn't too hot then amen?"

How about that other charge, and conviction, Gary?

"They knew that was Jesus. What did they write over top of the cross? King of kings and lord of lords."

No. No, they didn't. Gary, have you read the Bible? Look up John 19:19. Google INRI.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Peter+2%3A23-24&version=KJV

He changes a few words, here and there, of course.

Another shame Jesus took was our sins. All of them. "Thank God He dahd for the past . . . He dahd for the present . . . and He has tooken our sins . . .  of the future."

With dramatic pointing, of course:

Spoiler

Banging into the string of lights, Gary ramblescreams about David being a murderer and Lot being a Sodomite, but God forgave them because they confessed and repented, and how stealing a piece of candy is just as bad as being a Sodomite, a murderer, shooting somebody or "cussin'."

Misunderstanding the story of Sodom, insulting gay people, and some major-league sin-flattening, all in one short rant!

When Gary did something wrong in the past, he was "a little bit ashamed."  "We're livin' in a tahm now, when people do somethin' wrong, they wanna be praised."

Captions:

Spoiler

He imitates people who want to praised for their bad deeds, screaming "Hey! Ah murdered a store today! Ah done this! Hey! We heard - ah want you t'praise me 'cause ah done somebody a favor!"

Murdered a store?

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Timothy+1%3A15&version=KJV

"That's pretty shameful that God would come an' still wanna save us."

Well, that makes about as much sense as murdering a store, Gary.

Gary does some old familiar crap, including his routine about not deserving any of the good things he has. It's one of the few times I agree with him, although I doubt his sincerity.

He rants about people who say they love you, but stab you in the back, and people who've told him they love him, but are now so far away "ah cain't even git mah minoculars out an' fahnd 'em!"

Captions:

Spoiler

"Jesus took our shame. Ahraht, Becky come t'the altar, ah mean come t'the piana."

Before I (finally!) leave Loris, SC, I should post these tidbits.

https://www.wbtw.com/news/loris-diner-hangs-american-flag-upside-down-as-sign-of-distress-for-country/

 

https://www.gofundme.com/f/ernies-hometown-diner

[thoughtful]

I will go back and look at as many of Gary's preaching videos from November and December as I have the patience for.

But I want to do this video now, because today, for the first time in many months, he's done a Facebook live that isn't a church service - just Gary in a chair, rambling and sucking his teeth.

It looks like he's trying to drum up business. Or maybe he just needed a fix, since it has been two days since the last service he preached.

He's in a room in, I assume, Pastor Joe Pridgen's house, since he says he is still taking care of his church.

He starts out, smoothing down his hair, with "OK - mah hahr's a little bit messed up, but it'll be awraht," then a boilerplate introduction to himself and his "burden for America."

He says that, before he went into full-time evangelism, he worked for "Church Planters of America" for "fifteen years or so, whatever it was, ah don't know, maybe longer'n that ah mean ah'm just throwin' numbers out there because ah don't know exactly but ah was there for quite a whahl." And he goes on for a while about how it may have been more than 15 years, but it was definitely more than ten.

I don't remember him ever saying he was actually with a church-planting organization before. Wonder if it was this group:

http://www.cpamission.org/

He murmurs on about his upcoming itinerary, and starting 2023. Oops - he corrects himself - 2022.

He does his bit about America needing Bible-believing churches, naming various states and towns, babbling about some place in Michigan that has a building but it needs repair, while we hear Becky and Jacob in the background, no doubt doing actual work.

"We don't have much tahm. See, the Lord's soon comin' It's not gonna be long."

While drifting into his bit about young college-educated preachers, he says "It's a sad day that we're in that a church has t'be so - ssss - uptight when somebody does talk about comin' t'sorta candidate, that ya gotta just fringe because ya know what happened with the last pasture. You know what - you know the last pasture did. You know that the last pasture - you know, maybe ya even know - uh - uh- it's sad, we're there."

Yes, he says "fringe" for cringe. And he keeps squeezing himself up to show the tension of "fringing."

Spoiler

 

 

Hey, pastor Pridgen, I'd clean that chair when I got home, if I were you.

While doing his bit about how he doesn't care about large numbers, he says: "You go git one at a tahm" over and over, then "Ah don't believe in numbers. Ah don't believe in wantin' t'get mah name in the sorta lord ahhhh - y'know, ah mean, hey."

Spoiler

 

No, I don't know, Gary, because that made no sense.

He does his anti-Bible-college stuff: "Bahble college is not even Bibickle. Yep. We need t'train 'em up. Local church, train 'em up, local church. Timothy didn't send - ah mean, Paul didn't send Timothy off - Paul taught Timothy."

"Jesus had the twelve. Jesus didn't send the twelve off t'college."

"If ya study ya Bahble ya fahnd these things out."

He's in the middle of a story from "about 15 years ago," about a pastor who had a young preacher in his church, who said, "You think ah'm sendin' mah - mah - preacher boy to the colleges? Nope."

The video cuts off.

I wonder how much longer Gary talked.

Here is a tight shot (you should pardon the expression) of Gary's "fringe," in case anyone wants a new avatar:

Spoiler

 

 

[thoughtful]

I've found the perfect item to inspire Gary to get a real job and settle down in a house, just so he can hang it on the wall!

https://www.bradfordexchange.com/products/901811_religious-wall-decor-art.html

Spoiler

 

 

 

[postscript]

Not quite ready to give up simpering Gary as an avatar, but that one of him all scrunched up is tempting. He looks like a toad. 

Both he and the closed captioning are on a role recently. I particularly enjoyed closed captioning's translation of "septicker" as "septic area." Yes, a tomb containing a recently deceased, unembalmed body would probably classify as a septic area. 

Speaking of septic areas, Gary's recounting of the Christmas story (on Halloween, no less!) with an emphasis on smells is - er, a novel take on a classic tale.  He seems to enjoy wallowing in the filth of any story, metaphorically speaking. With a sensitive nose and a sensitive stomach, I'm not sure I could listen to his gory descriptions in person. 

[Xan]

I just don't understand Gary.  I grew up in a rural area and smelled barns and animals and tobacco.  Manure smells pretty bad but, honestly, the farm smells are not unpleasant.  Gary grew up in a rural area too.  How is he so sensitive to farm smells?  I'm guessing Daddy Hawkins worked a regular job and little Gary was not subject to farms or farm chores.  I bet he rode a bus to a public school.  He's such a fraud.

I do want to hear more, @thoughtful, about murdering stores.  

And this was my favorite:  

13 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He's such a cheery fellow. I bet if someone ran for office on the platform "bring back crucifixion," he'd have Gary's vote.

If Jesus had died of an ordinary heart attack, Gary would lose at least half of his material.

Edited December 24, 2021 by Xan

[Hane]

Just popping in to say that @thoughtful, who I’m pretty sure is Jewish, knows boatloads more about the Christian Scriptures (aka “The New Testament”) than does Bro Gary, a Bible-thumper with a hate-boner against formal theological education. Props, sister!

Edited December 24, 2021 by Hane

[Ozlsn]

18 hours ago, thoughtful said:

While doing his bit about how he doesn't care about large numbers, he says: "You go git one at a tahm" over and over, then "Ah don't believe in numbers. Ah don't believe in wantin' t'get mah name in the sorta lord ahhhh - y'know, ah mean, hey."

Pretty sure that was his explanation as to why he's not looking to be a pasture. 

Gary we know you don't want to, and you'd also be terrible at it, not least because you'd need to develop and maintain relationships (and most likely work an actual job to get by). I have to say I think it's dubious that Gary's schtick converts more people than someone acting as an actual, competent pastor - perhaps it's just as well he doesn't, his soul-winning tally would go into deficit.

[thoughtful]

Becky posted a picture of their Christmas morning breakfast (all in red Tupperware, of course):

Spoiler

Gary, just be grateful someone paid for it, and Becky cooked it, you slug.

On 12/24/2021 at 11:10 AM, postscript said:

Speaking of septic areas, Gary's recounting of the Christmas story (on Halloween, no less!) with an emphasis on smells is - er, a novel take on a classic tale. 

That's an often-used one with him, too - he loves to go on and on about how much it must have reeked.

On 12/24/2021 at 12:23 PM, Xan said:

I'm guessing Daddy Hawkins worked a regular job and little Gary was not subject to farms or farm chores.  I bet he rode a bus to a public school.  He's such a fraud.

I always think that he overplays the "country boy" shit. Gary is so dishonest.

Of course, he's also so stupid and unable to remember things accurately. So I can never quite settle on a way to picture his childhood. I know there were moves, which could have changed whether their life was rural or not.

I think he went to public school for a while, and to a Christian school of some sort, as well. I don't think we actually know if Gary was ever homeschooled. I was looking at some of the old threads, and people kept saying he was, but I couldn't find the source of their knowing that. If anybody can point me to it, thanks. I would not be surprised to find out that he never graduated from high school or got a GED.

I also think his parents may have been in a generation that was in between  traditional rural life and urban/suburban living, and may have gone back and forth between farming and various non-farm jobs.

We know that his father and other family members have worked in the automotive end of the county government and school district.

He says his grandmother kept pigs, and that various family members worked in the tobacco industry (like the cousin who dropped dead at the kitchen table while making her grocery list after a day of harvesting, and the great-uncle who screamed at his drunken son to get saved if he walked by the packing house).

When he told this audience that tobacco stinks, he mentioned that his father used to buy young plants somewhere nearby, and bring them back to their town to plant them. If that's not a lie or inaccurate memory, then there was some growing going on - a tiny amount for family use, a whole farm-full to sell, a load Danny picked up for an employer? Who knows?

His father talks about still growing some of his own food - my guess is that, at this point, that's just a small fruit and vegetable garden, but I don't really know.

On 12/24/2021 at 2:18 PM, Hane said:

Just popping in to say that @thoughtful, who I’m pretty sure is Jewish, knows boatloads more about the Christian Scriptures (aka “The New Testament”) than does Bro Gary, a Bible-thumper with a hate-boner against formal theological education. Props, sister!

Thanks! I'm no expert - I look a lot of stuff up.

I knew that what was on the sign above Jesus' head was a reference to his being "King of the Jews," that the abbreviation was INRI, and that Gary's vaguely mentioned "they" didn't put it up there, Pilate did. But I had no idea where to find the actual verse - I googled it.

One of the things I find insincere and missing-the-point about fundies is their need to blurt the chapter and verse numbers out before quoting the Bible.

Not that there's anything wrong with memorizing. For a mainstream Christian, especially a member of the clergy, to have chapter and verse memorized for lots of texts, just because they use them often, and then go on to understand the text, and use it for good, is great.

Heck, even sports fans all know what John 3:16 is, and a lot of US folks my age and older, regardless of background, know the 23rd Psalm (we still said it in school until 1962).

It's that thing where they have something memorized and seem to feel they must say the numbers before quoting it, that baffles me.

21 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

On 12/24/2021 at 1:04 AM, thoughtful said:

While doing his bit about how he doesn't care about large numbers, he says: "You go git one at a tahm" over and over, then "Ah don't believe in numbers. Ah don't believe in wantin' t'get mah name in the sorta lord ahhhh - y'know, ah mean, hey."

Pretty sure that was his explanation as to why he's not looking to be a pasture. 

I think it was more along the lines of just claiming he doesn't care if he has a lot of listeners.

I know, I said I didn't know what he meant, but I was mostly joking, because that really wasn't in English. I just know from the fact that he says such things often that he's pretending he's not envious of any preacher who gets large numbers of people, whether for a revival, as a guest preacher, pastor, or mega-church leader.

But, of course, I think you are correct about his real motivation for not being a pastor - he doesn't want to really take care of people.

He always says he can't be a pastor (and he says he's been asked) because he is in the full will of God - that God has called him go on the road and travel around preaching to America. Isn't it convenient that a man who has wanderlust, only a few things to say, can't maintain relationships (or even remember names), is terrified of hospitals and funerals, and doesn't want to work, has gotten a specific calling from God that suits his needs perfectly?

God is so good!

 

Edited December 25, 2021 by thoughtful
riffle

[Black Aliss]

3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

When he told this audience that tobacco stinks, he mentioned that his father used to buy young plants somewhere nearby, and bring them back to their town to plant them. If that's not a lie or inaccurate memory, then there was some growing going on - a tiny amount for family use, a whole farm-full to sell, a load Danny picked up for an employer? Who knows?

Gary's father ran a grow-op? 

[Beermeet]

On 12/24/2021 at 4:58 PM, Ozlsn said:

Pretty sure that was his explanation as to why he's not looking to be a pasture. 

Gary we know you don't want to, and you'd also be terrible at it, not least because you'd need to develop and maintain relationships (and most likely work an actual job to get by). I have to say I think it's dubious that Gary's schtick converts more people than someone acting as an actual, competent pastor - perhaps it's just as well he doesn't, his soul-winning tally would go into deficit.

I highly doubt Bro Gary has ever converted anyone.  He preaches to the very small choir for one and two, he's.....himself.   who is getting inspired by Bro. G that isn't already loving Jesus?  He's wasting his time and Becky is totes ok with being homeless.  Some people 🙄   

[thoughtful]

28 minutes ago, Black Aliss said:

Gary's father ran a grow-op? 

Danny told Gary it was tobacco, Gary told us it was tobacco, and they are men of God - MEN OF GOD, I tell you!  😁

On November 3, Gary was indoors, preaching the Wednesday service at  - well, I'm not sure yet, since he stopped putting the name of the church on his posts. If he tells us, I'll let you know. The video is only 12 minutes long, so I suspect something went wrong.

He introduces himself, his burden for America, and his tent, and tells them his upcoming itinerary. Per'lous tahms, dark tahms, Lord's coming soon.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+15%3A11-32&version=KJV

KJV: And he divided unto them his living.
BGV: And he delivered unto them - delivered unto them his living.

KJV: and there wasted his substance with riotous living.
BGV: and there wasted his substance with righteous* living.

* Actually, it's sort of a cross between righteous and riotous - rye-uh-chus.

And, of course, famine is pronounced with a long A sound.

KJV: And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him.
BGV: An' he wint - an' he wint - and he would have fain have filled his belly with  husks that the  - that the swahn did eat: and no man gave unto him.

Captions:

Spoiler

The captions are also still having trouble realizing that Gary is not talking about non-bald servants having children:

Spoiler

I figure Gary read all the way through what I linked above, but the video jumps in the middle of verse 28, right to Gary shrieking at the top of his lungs: "sometahms daily, an' sometahms hourly, an' sometahms even minnitly, amen!"

So I guess that's why it's only 12 minutes long - I don't know how much is missing, but, given what he's preached before about the Prodigal Son, I assume he's been blathering about how the son didn't like the rules, and his brother's "jallousy."

No doubt that's what was in the 18 minutes missing from the Nixon tapes, too.

Later, he alters the phrase above, and says sometimes he has to ask the Lord's forgiveness daily, hourly, and "secondly."

Captions:

Spoiler

He does actually get to the idea that the parable is about forgiveness, and says Jesus is waiting for people to come home, like the son did. That's unusual, for Gary.

"What about the woman that was committing adultery an' we know no doubt the men was doin' it too, but hey it's always the guilty party that brings the guilty party."

Gary, I do have to say, actually seems to understand that story. He always makes it clear that Jesus was calling the men out for being hypocrites, and that the woman was forgiven (but urged to "sin no more").

Stopped clock, I guess.

Gary screams a few more familiar stories, and the video cuts off suddenly when he is in the middle of the one about the woman who prayed for her husband to come to church with her, laying out his clothes when she laid out hers every Sunday morning. And one day he put them on and went to church and got saved.

[thoughtful]

Becky posted a video from the beach yesterday, late morning - just looking out at the ocean and beautiful sky, and wishing viewers a Merry Christmas. We hear Jacob's voice and hers, and the wind, but no Gary.

I'd love to think they just drove to the beach without him, on Christmas. But he probably went along, whining and complaining and wanting credit for taking his wife for "sand therapy," and was in a men's room, or walking Rascal, or pouting in the vee-hickle when she made the video.

I wonder if that was Becky's entire Christmas gift. And maybe even Jacob's.

[forgetmenow]

On 12/25/2021 at 5:09 PM, thoughtful said:

One of the things I find insincere and missing-the-point about fundies is their need to blurt the chapter and verse numbers out before quoting the Bible.

Not that there's anything wrong with memorizing. For a mainstream Christian, especially a member of the clergy, to have chapter and verse memorized for lots of texts, just because they use them often, and then go on to understand the text, and use it for good, is great.

I think, at least in the Protestant circle in which I grew up, people were generally expected to look up the verse as the preacher read it (there was usually a pause to allow this which I don't know if Gary provides).  This was occasionally reinforced by calls to see it for ourselves and not just take the preacher's word for it which I believe it was inspired by Acts 17:11 regarding the Bereans and also to evolve from some Christian history in which the congregation wasn't able to read due to lack of literacy or printed materials in their own languages.

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, forgetmenow said:

I think, at least in the Protestant circle in which I grew up, people were generally expected to look up the verse as the preacher read it (there was usually a pause to allow this which I don't know if Gary provides).  This was occasionally reinforced by calls to see it for ourselves and not just take the preacher's word for it which I believe it was inspired by Acts 17:11 regarding the Bereans and also to evolve from some Christian history in which the congregation wasn't able to read due to lack of literacy or printed materials in their own languages.

I don't mean the verses that are planned as part of the message, during a service, though - I understand why they, or anyone, would do it then.

Gary does do a very Garyesque version of letting people find the reading. He tells them the book and chapter (but just the book and chapter!), usually 2-5 times, often rather hypnotically, and gives them time to find it, as he finds it, chatting about other things (sometimes for way too long), or repeating his message theme . . . so relaxed . . . plenty of time . . .

And then, at the last possible split second, he says "look in verses ___ the Bahble says" and launches right into reading! Which wouldn't be a problem if he is starting at verse 1 or thereabouts. But it often is verse 57 or something like that.

No, I'm talking about their feeling the need to say the chapter and verse when just quoting or referring to the Bible, in any setting.

Gary often throws in quotes that are not the official readings in his messages, not expecting people to turn to it. He does the same in his Facebook rants, and I would be willing to bet he does it in conversation, as well. And he always tries to rattle off the book name and chapter and verse numbers before quoting.

It stands out with him, because he's often wrong, or struggling to remember. And I've heard other fundies do it. Why not just quote the quote, if it's meaningful? That's what I hear most mainstream Christians do.

And then, of course, there are things like the Bible Bee, and competitions and quizzes we've seen at the churches. Memorizing verses, and being able to rattle off exactly where they are in the Bible, just seems to be more important to them than I've seen in non-fundie folks.

To me, it seems to be a point of pride, and it just strikes me as another one of those performative, unnecessary layers they put on things.

These days, it may also be more important to people like Gary who get all worked up about electronic devices not being a way to read your Bible.

Someone who wants to look up where the phrase "oh ye of little faith" comes from can do so easily on a device. I can remember that it's from the story of the disciples being frightened on the boat, in the storm, but even without that it's easy to look up on a computer.

But Gary would probably expect himself and others to know it is from Matthew 8:26, because: book better - it Bible! 😁

 

 

Edited December 27, 2021 by thoughtful
removing pics that got in there because I had another post started.