Bro Gary Hawkins 19: God Even Uses the Perforated People

[smittykins]

Wasn’t Sam Kinison a preacher at one point?

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

7 minutes ago, smittykins said:

Wasn’t Sam Kinison a preacher at one point?

Yes he was, but he grew to despise his Southern Baptist religion, although he remained a very spiritual person.  I really liked him but cocaine took him to bad place.  He cleaned up, got married and 6 days later died in the desert after he was hit head on by some fool who was drag racing.  So sad.

[thoughtful]

Here's a brief clip of Kinison imitating his preacherly past - he sounds pretty standard for the screaming evangelist, rhythmic riff type of preacher.

Spoiler

 

And here he is actually preaching:

Spoiler

 

 

[thoughtful]

Even though I am way behind on Gary's messages, I went back and listened to the service with President Nez, from March 21.

Maybe I gave it somewhat short shrift when I first posted about it - I summarized President Nez's stuff, and recapped anything Gary said that I thought was out of the usual. I didn't know then that it would become a great touchstone in Gary History.

But now that that Gary has turned it into a tale of his great courage in confronting yet another evil Democrat in the "politician world" who didn't care about his people going to Hell, I had to check it again.

President Nez comes up wearing a gaiter, then pulls it down to reveal a mask.

Spoiler

 

 

He speaks for a while in Navajo. When he switches to English, he credits God with protecting them, and urges them to pray.

He says several things that make Gary call out in agreement. When he says that one of his kids just turned 13, and how that's "interesting," Gary laughs heartily. Gary's voice, to me, really seems to have that "ooh, a celebrity - I must kiss up to him" sound to it. Could be my bias.

Nez mentions that he felt that remote church is not as good as being in church, but it doesn't sound like he means that God would condemn it, just that it didn't feel the same (this is when that damned fan starts whirring, so a lot was hard to hear).

I hear him say "God's in control" - one of Gary's favorite phrases. He also says they are in the midst of revival, and should pray and "encourage family members to come to know God" - all things Gary should love.

He shares the statistics of Covid cases, vaccinations, and deaths among the Navajo nation, and says that God has been with them and will continue to be with them. He talks about how hard it was to lose people, and especially when they couldn't get together in church to comfort one another.

He says they've just entered a phase where the churches can re-open, and he's happy about that. He says that, as president, he had to follow the protocols.

He reads the verses about the armor of God, then says he has thought "this mask, that we're all wearing, is an armor." He says something about "all the information that we receive is" and the end of that sentence is lost when someone coughs and he gets too soft. But I think he was comparing knowledge about the virus to protection, as well.

He reiterates how good it is to be together in church, and see everyone, he says "Welcome, Hawkins family," and, when he says "let's be careful out there" (cue the Hill Street Blues theme song), Gary says "Amen."

President Nez returns to his seat, and pulls up his gaiter as Becky comes to the piano.

After Becky plays and sings, Gary does one of his standard starting riffs. He talks about his "burden for America," and "his people." 

"The last few weeks, ah bin on the Navajo Nation, now, if that's aginst the law, Hallelujah Glory t'God."

Then come the things I recapped in the original post. Maybe what I summarized as just his usual rant against media and government is what he is remembering as his brave confrontation with President Nez, so I listen carefully. But, right after he says the media has been lying for as long as it has existed, he says:

"Hey, this raht here - " he gestures towards Nez - "the president t'git up here an' t'tell ya things that're goin' ohn, hey, you don't hear that ohn th'news, amen?"

That sounds like a compliment to Nez, saying that he is more honest than the news media.

Gary shrieks about the devil never telling the truth for a while. No confrontation.

He screams passionately about the tripod they gave to the pastor. No confrontation.

He gestures to Nez again, while talking about trying to be a help to people. "For him to be able to have kept the Navajo Nations to the best of his ability, listen hey, he couldn't change everything, he couldn't stop all the deaths, y'say wha is that? It's just called life, amen?"

Still complimenting and kissing up, Gary - where is this great confrontation?

Then comes the reading from Matthew - maybe it's after that.

I didn't quote it all last time, but here is what he says about people who died of Covid - it's pretty much what he always says, with crescendos up to shrieking level, and sudden drops to quiet:

"An' ah'manna say somethin' to ya - ah have never in one tahm ever made light of the Covid-19 or the vahris or whatever ya wanna call it. Ah have NEVER made fun of it. It's a bad thing! But we have focused too much on Covid-19, because of the gospel of the Lord Jesus Chrise."

"'Cause ah'm gonna tellya somethin' - those people that are dyin'? Ah'm not sayin' this mean or ugly - not all of 'em that dahd, from the Navajo Nations, from where ah'm from, from the next state we could think of, an' other states an' other countries, you know what? Not all of 'em saved."

"An when they dah, what's gonna happen is, it ain't gonna be Covid-19, they're gonna open their ahs just lahk the rich man did, an' they're gonna lift their ahs, an' they're gonna be in torment, because weeee was focused an' overwhe'med with the wrong thingssss. Am ah makin' sense today? We git overwhe'med with all the different kindsa things."

OK, just basic Gary - no accusations against Nez - he didn't even look in his direction. So, that wasn't it, although it might be what he is remembering.

Then he went off on a tangent about Becky loving the beach, and how a husband has to take care of his own family first, and it was worth canceling some meetings when Becky had those blood clots. He says she's his responsibility, and he wanted her around for a while, because "ah didn't get fat lahk this - an' ah have lost some weight - but ah didn't get fat lahk this cookin' mah own food."

He makes another bad joke about marriage (the one about reading a book about being a better husband, that didn't make Becky change at all), does his routine about how they have been booked up and haven't stopped all year, and he'd be happy if God took him now.

He rambles about how, no matter how much we all have planned, tomorrow might not come. He gestures toward Nez again, but doesn't look at him, and refers to him in the third person, so maybe this is it. Let's see.

Spoiler

 

"Tomorrow, as much as you got planned, an' ah'm sure, bein' the president, oh mah Lord ah'm glad it's him an' not me amen, ah got enough ohn mah plate. Butchu know what, he's prob'ly got things, he's got t'get done tomorrow, of bein' the president of the Navajo Nation, an' that's a good thing! Don't, hey listen, it be bad for him t'say 'Well ah'll go in Monday mornin' an' ah'll figure out what ah'm s'posed t'do, then we'll git done, amen!' Might git rid of 'im, amen."

"There's nothin' wrong with plannin' ah'm not sayin' that. But don't make that plan -"

He freezes, unable to think of his next words. A woman in the congregation (this group has been talking along with him, as well as calling out responses, all along) calls out "God first." Gary says,

"Yeah - God first. Hey, here he is, he's the - he's the president over here, y'know what, ah'm glad he's in church, y'know what, it'd be nice, it would -  it'd be nice if OBahden would go to church. Can ah say that? Is that OK?"

And he shrieks at the top of his lungs about how Biden will burn in Hell if he doesn't get saved, "an' we don't want that, amen!"

He likes Trump, but it would be "heartbreaking" if Trump split Hell wide open. 

Again, gesturing without looking at him, he talks about the pastor telling him that Nez was there (before church, I guess). I'm pretty sure he's just talking about how nervous he is again, speaking in front of an important person.

"Whenever he said the president was here, ah told mah wahf, 'I think ah'm leaving.'  An' ah'm not sayin' - ah think he's saved, he acts lahk he's saved. He acts lahk he keers for the Navajo people amen. But not every president is saved."

And he goes on to list various government offices, and how they're "not all saved."

So, that wasn't it - it sounds like he's comparing Nez favorably to unsaved politicians.

Maybe it's after the Jonah reading - I just summarized in one sentence last time - maybe I missed something.

He says that disobedience is a problem, and that he tries to obey laws like the speed limit. He tries to connect that to obeying God. He tells them they all have a ministry, people need someone to obey the Lord, obedience is better than sacrifice.

This could have been an opening to tell Nez he should have broken the law to save souls rather than lives, but no - he veers off to tell them about his trip to Las Vegas.

"But you know what, we can call that Sin City. But y'know what ah found out, bein' around some of the  - native, of the -"
Someone says "Nevada."
Gary: "Nevada - no, where we at, Becky?"
Becky: "Navajo."
Gary: Navajo. Ah found out - ah found out there's a little bitta sin here."

And he screams about how there's sin in Germanton NC, and everywhere he goes, because we're all sinners. Then he talks about Abraham obeying God, and rambles about people in the Bible riding mules and camels, then back to Jonah running away from his responsibility.

So nope - nothing there.

Maybe it's after the reading from Samuel. We get his crap about bad friends, not going down to the level of the sinners to save them, how pot is a gateway drug, his cousin with the sickening picture on Facebook (because of sin) and how Gary keeps trying to save her, his not lusting after his sisters like the guy in the story in Samuel, and how a real friend will bring other people to Jesus.

"Ah go over here, an' this preacher, he got a little Mexican blood in him, an' he'll speak a little Spanish once in a whahl, amen, speakin' Spanish on the Navajo Nation, mah Lord have mercy, that oughta be against the law, amen."

He gets laughs.

So nope, that wasn't the section. OK, maybe it's after the reading from Mark. Nope, just the description of the gruesome accident, and how, if the people who died were saved, they were healed immediately. Dead, but healed. And about the vehicles he's had that were deathtraps, but God got him through.

OK, last section - after the reading from Corinthians. Gary, this is your last chance to prove you are not just a big liar who made up the whole story about challenging Nez.

And . . . it's just his "nothing gets you to Heaven but the blood" stuff, plus a bit of Peter sinking because he got his eyes off of Jesus, tying it back to his theme of not getting distracted.

So, Gary, as far as I can tell, you kissed up to President Nez, used his being busy as a clumsy example for your message about not getting distracted, actually cited a time you gave up church for a while to take care of the health of a loved one (well, your cook), and compared Nez favorably to other politicians. 

You didn't even do your usual general, aimed-at-nobody-in-particular routine about not closing churches, and continuing to go soul-winning and door-knocking despite Covid!

So Gary, when you now claim that you stood up bravely and told Nez off, I can only picture this;

Spoiler

 

Edited November 12, 2021 by thoughtful
missing word, clarity

[postscript]

Ugh, the jokes about Gary being fat because Becky is such a good cook take me back to my childhood, and not in a good way. In that time and place, it was assumed the woman would cook for the family and telling a woman she was a good cook was the highest compliment you could pay her. There were a lot of that kind of joke, supposedly a backhand compliment but really just reinforcing women’s role as the homemaker. Even as a child, I had no interest in cooking and resented the assumption that I would be expected to cook when I grew up. I’ve never learned to enjoy cooking and anything that takes more than 5 minutes in a microwave is too complicated for me. Gary, of course, considers cooking Becky’s job, though he likes the end results.

I had a similar reaction to a Duggar episode when Amy was making a meal (one of those “kooky Cousin Amy tries to learn housekeeping” episodes, with Amy in the Lucy Ricardo role). Jim Bob looked at her lopsided results and said “you’re a good cook.” Those words gave me flashbacks to my grandfather complimenting my mother’s cooking. 

[thoughtful]

5 hours ago, postscript said:

In that time and place, it was assumed the woman would cook for the family and telling a woman she was a good cook was the highest compliment you could pay her

I come from a long line (well, at least two generations) of women who hate to cook (my Mom) and/or were too busy supporting the family to do much of it (both grandmothers).

I actually don't know if either of my grandfathers would have pulled that "ah, the little woman - she knows her place and all I have to do is give her a head pat about her cooking and being pretty" crap even if they could. But my grandmothers, and their situations, didn't allow for it. I think my father's mother was an OK cook, when she had time.

My father adored my mother and admired her mind and her personality so much, that whether or not she could cook was moot.

Edited November 13, 2021 by thoughtful
clarity

[thoughtful]

Everybody say "Awwww."

Spoiler

Continuing the message from 10/18, about being awake, Gary reads:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+7%3A22-23&version=KJV

We "need to wake up, quit playin' church."

He shrieks a bunch of nothing about being "real."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Acts+26%3A28&version=KJV

Ahwahnna say we better not almost be a Christian, we better become one."

Hell is an awful place, the rich man lifted his eyes - you know the rest. In the middle of a lot of familiar crap, we get this:

"Ah was preachin' a revahval in another parta New York - ah talk about New York a lot, ah go up there, amen, what was it, heheh, somebody give a shirt on there says 'Ah Love New York' an' some mah chil'ren will say 'Ah don't love New York,' ah said 'You better fall in love with New York - that's where mosta your money comes from amen.' Some of y'all'll git that after a whahl."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+corinthians+6%3A2&version=KJV

Gary says "secured" for succoured.

"Ah'll tellya another reason better wake up - realizin' when God's really dealin' with our hearts."

Nothing new in this chunk of junk.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+2%3A8-9&version=KJV

More familiar shit.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+timothy+3%3A5-7&version=KJV

"Ah'll tellya what it's tahm t'wake up for, an' quit bein' unbelievers."

Gary's really having a hard time getting his connecting statements to work and include something about waking up. More old auto-pilot Garyisms follow. He announces Hebrews chapter 9, and never says what verse, but it's his favorite from that chapter:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=hebrews+9%3A27&version=KJV

"Ah'll tellya another reason wha we better wake up - people are dahin', like crazy."

He mentions people posting on Facebook about those who have died, including a new one he just saw, that may have left someone heartbroken - or heartbreaking:

Spoiler

 

"Mah frien' ah'm gonna tellya somethin' - ah don't lahk death, ah really don't some people, some people say 'Well ah just don't b'lieve, the way you talk sometahm that you probably lahk talkin' 'bout death' no ah don't. Mattera fact, a far kin of oursss, last Thursdee, dahd.  Tomorrow they'll bury him, they'll take him to the graveyard they'll go in the church an' they'll give him a funeral, they'll take him to the gravesite." He whispers dramatically, "He's died."

Gary, you sure know how to make us think you hate talking about death!   You talk about it more than Leonard McCoy. and you clearly relish every minute. You're a big baby about going to funerals and cemeteries, and even hospitals, but you love to talk about suffering and death.

Of course, he goes on to talk about how everybody had better make sure they're saved before they die. And then he (reluctantly, no doubt 🙄 ) talks about some other deaths (Mrs. McFadden gets a mention, of course, and Brother Ernie's cook's relative, who died during last year's meeting) and deaths he thinks could happen any time, because those people are old (his parents, his in-laws).

"Becky come t'the piana."

Edited November 14, 2021 by thoughtful
riffle

[thoughtful]

Becky and Gary took their mishegas to Michigan, and got snowed on. Mike Stout had to "tease" insultingly, of course:

Spoiler

 

[thoughtful]

On October19, at  New Life Community Chapel, under the tent, the video starts with Gary already blathering away, about how he's gonna preach like there was 1000 people there, no matter how few show up. From some other comments, I think he's talking about the next night - the 20th was a Wednesday, so people who were visiting from other churches would be at their own mid-week services.

"Pray for us - Jacob's seems t'be gittin' a little bit better, gonna run back down to the chahropracter again tomorrow sometime, an' hopeflee they can git him straightened out. Went down there yes - th'other day, guess it was Monday, ah don't  remem - th'days - heheheh somebody has t'tell me what t'day is, ah just know that ah'm s'posed t'be in church or whatever ah git mah days mixed up an' ah b'lieve it had t'be Mondee we took him down there an' he said his foot was about - one foot was longer than the other one, so he had t'straighten that out an' everything, so  . . . Ah dunno what he done to his back, whenever we was in North Carolahna, but whatever it is, hopeflee he won't do it agin. Ah've never really had a whole lotta back problems an' ah thank God for it amen?  Ah've watched mah wahf do a whole lotta those an' other people, but Isaiah chapter 53, if ya can, ya willin' an' able  . . . "

Maybe Jacob is hurting because you make him do all of the work, then cram him into an overloaded back seat for long car trips, you shithead.

OK, now that I got that off of my chest, on to Isaiah.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=isaiah+53&version=KJV

He reads the whole chapter, with many errors, a comment after verse 2, and the usual assumption that this is all about Jesus.

He claims that the woman who sang a song earlier in the service was guided by God to sing it, to line up with his message, even though they didn't talk about it, and she wasn't even planning to sing. Then comes the usual stuff about getting busy because so many people are dying.

His title is What Jesus Did for Us.

"You go over there in Matthew an' it reads over there an' it talks about just before Jesus Christ is just just before He's fixin' t'go to the crucifixion just before he's gittin' ready to be, uh, beaten upohn an' all those things, He went to the garden of the Gethsemene of garden an' He said 'Lord, if this cup would pass me bah, but if not, mah will but tha will be done."

Captions:
 

Spoiler

The captions have some trouble with the basic parts of the story, as well:

Spoiler

He starts screaming about when Becky does his taxes, and it's even more garbled than usual:

"Ah'll tellya somethin' ah think about just how good God is. Whenever ah do mah in - an' look, listen t'me, don't feel sorry for me, ah'm just givin' you an illofastration. But whenever ah come up t'January'll be here, an' it won't be long, we're just about the end of October an' everything, an' January's gonna be here, an' it's gonna be what they call tax tahm. An' ya s'posed t'go ahead an' do ya tax. Y'know when ah do mah taxes an' ah see how much money ah spen' out. how much money the Lord has given me, how much things have been, how much ah spent for this an' spent for that, do you know what the end of it, mah wahf'll say 'This is how much money you put out, an' this is how much money you have, an' this is how much money it's gonna be!'"

Suddenly quieter: "Do you know it never works out?" Building up to a yell again: "The income tax people, listen hey when they do preachers' income tax, which mah wahf does mahn, they been ohn - ohn the Innernet or whatever, but uh, whenever they look at it, they say 'How in th'worl' did he do that?' But see ya gotta realahze, America's taxes and God's taxes an' - uh, God's uh receipts an' God's ways, are a whole lot different, amen? Is that make sense t'ya ah'm just tellin' ya listen hey, God - it ain't gonna never make sensssse - when it comes tahm. T'how it all works out, amen?"

That's a really long-winded way to admit you cheat on your taxes, Gary.

And "illofastration" is a keeper.

He goes on about people doing their finances, and Brother Ernie not having any money at the end of the month because his wife spent it all. "Ah'm pickin' on y'all tonaht."

A bunch of his standard screaming follows, including an exceptionally (even for Gary) gruesome description of torture and what Jesus looked like at the end of it.

"Ah don' lahk what they're doin' t'bring about -  bringin' every kinda gender there is out - l'manna tellya what kinda gender God made -  male . . .  an' a female. An' that's the only kahnd He made, an' the Democrats made th'rest of 'em up amen. Some of y'all'll git that after a whahl."

He screams on, and makes a great slip near the end. He says life's always been hard, but it's been especially hard "the last 18 minutes - the last 18 months."

Nah, I think you had it right the first time, Gary."

"It's done tour mores." Turmoils, I guess?

"Not only has it took people bah death, it's took people an' brainworshed 'em!"

Yes, Gary, but not the people you think.

Gary, who, I remind you, hates talking about death, goes into great detail about his grandmother asking to be taken off of dialysis, her death and funeral, and how he "didn't like" getting the phone calls about it. Here is some, and where it leads him:

"Mattera fact, me lookin' back on mah grandmother's lahf, ah hope she's in Heaven, because you know how somma those people are that - you kin they kin act lahk they're saved, but then also they can act lahk they're not saved? Ah'm not sayin' in any part that's mah grandmother, ah kin talk about her. Ah hope she's in Heaven."

"But ah didn't lahk that. An' ah remember ah had t'be one of the pallbearers bein' one of the grandkids, ah had t'be wonna th'pallbearers t'take mah grandmother outsahd the church, an' it was raht across th'road where the cemetery was just lahk it is over where we're stayin' at uh Cambridge Baptist Church."

He starts getting softer and softer. "An' ah had t'take mah grandmother  with along - with the resta mah fam - cousins, an' take her, an' put her over the grave thing where they was gonna bury her, an' it was just lahk ah took a piece of paper an' wrapped it up, an' threw it in the garbage. Ah've never had a feelin' lahk that since, an' ah don't never wanta __________ "(so soft it is drowned out by traffic).

Suddenly screaming: "That hurt me! That was hurtin'! That was - mah heart was hurtin'! " Quiet again: "Ya say wha? That was mah family member. Butchu know what ah hafta do? Even when ah think about it - my son, J - Caleb - everybody knows Caleb that came down an' played the gitar an' the banjo,  he is dating a girl now, an' she lost her mother last summer, some tahm last summer, it was just a year here in the last coupla months. She lost her mother t'Covid."

"An' her husband - her daddy -   her daddy - lost his wife t'Covid. We was talkin' before church, you know what's made death real bad in the last 18 months, which some - some states have eased up, but not the real bad states - Democrat states, amen? Butchu know what's made death harder than any other tahm? Is you cannot be there t'hold their hand when they go. That's tough."

Gary, you wouldn't hold the hand of a dying person if Jesus himself was standing there telling you to do it.

And he revs up again, yelling that death is tough anyway, then "Ah didn't go to mah wahf's grandmother's funeral, ah had somethin' else goin' ohn, but ah made sure she was there with the families an' ever'thing, an' she came back an' told me some stuff that went ohn at her grandmother's funeral, listen hey, ah don't lahk those phone calls!"

Quiet again: "But ah'm just tellin' you, there is a comforter named Jesus."

Mrs. McFadden's death is reviewed again, in gory detail. Gary says it was four months ago. Becky corrects him - it was five. But he tells them how, only three days after her death, Mr. McFadden said he knew he had a comforter.

And Becky's comin' to the piana.

Edited November 15, 2021 by thoughtful
removing extra picture

[Xan]

11 hours ago, thoughtful said:

"Pray for us - Jacob's seems t'be gittin' a little bit better, gonna run back down to the chahropracter again tomorrow sometime, an' hopeflee they can git him straightened out.

Becky's a nurse.  She ought to know better than to just run to a chiropractor.  (I know that they are useful for some things but that isn't the first place I'd go for a child in pain.)  From Gary's tortured description, it sounds as if Jacob has back pain and the chiropractor was suggesting that one leg is longer than the other.  I'm with you, @thoughtful.  I think Jacob is overworked and spends too much time cramped up riding with all their junk piled in the van.

Gary's fear of death reminds me of my mom's.  She was a huge believer in church, attended a local fundamentalist Baptist church, and bragged that the only book she'd ever read all the way through was the Bible.  However, she couldn't stand to think about dying -- even when she was in her nineties.  It seemed like a huge disconnect to me to fear death if you really believe in Heaven.  Partly she was a narcissist and couldn't imagine the world going on without her but partly she might have had doubts.  I think Gary is the same.  You can preach all you want about your mansion in Heaven, Gary, but if you keep being skittish about death, I'm thinking you don't fully believe it at all.

That bit about him feeling that putting his grandmother in a grave was like throwing a piece of paper in the garbage is very telling.  He didn't immediately imagine her ascending through the clouds.  He thought she was just discarded.  

 

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, Xan said:

Becky's a nurse.  She ought to know better than to just run to a chiropractor.

She does go to them herself, and, if I remember correctly, it is generally for back pain.

I hope they didn't do Jacob any further harm.

Becky's history as a nurse seems to only be useful when she wants to gross Gary out with her stories. I have no idea if she's just forgotten it all, adores the sensation of cognitive dissonance, or was just a really bad nurse.

 

 

[thoughtful]

On October 20, at  New Life Community Chapel, under the tent, the video starts with Becky singing No One Else.

Gary swaggers up, and asks prayers for someone job-hunting, and friends in New York - "they got the Covid, far as they know - that's what the test says anyway." I suspect he's talking about Henry Kocinski and his wife, and realize I'm right.

Is that because Gary mentions their names, or talks about Henry's violin playing? Oh, no - here's what Gary says that clues me in:

Spoiler

"They got three children, as of raht now the children does not - do not have any symptoms, but they 'round Mom an' Daddy. Annn' they have got a little girl that's - well she ain't a little girl, she's twenty-some years old an' she - HAH?"
Becky: "Eighteen."
Gary: "Eighteen years old."

And Gary goes on to describe the multiple disabilities of their daughter, in great, personal, nobody's-business detail. I started to quote him, but he went so far that I figured I'd be doing the same thing he's doing, spoiler or not.

He goes on to say that, if she got "the Covid, she's already in pretty bad shape."

Then he goes on to talk about taking a walk with her, and how she had a hard time going as far as he and Becky wanted to walk, and just wanted to sit down. He also mentions that he was listening to a preacher's message while they walked, and was behind them.

In other words, Gary, Becky walked with Ms. Kocinski, encouraged her when she wanted to stop, and you listened to your old-timey preacher and were no help at all? Sure sounds like it.

Who he is talking about is confirmed when he finally says, "Pray fer them - how ya say their last name?"
Becky: "Kocinski."
Gary: "Yeah, them people."

Gary, do you think that's cute? It's not.

He asks prayers for Will's niece, who took a turn for the worse again. I believe that's someone else who has Covid.

He tells them to pray for our country. After his usual disclaimer that he doesn't listen to the news much, he says he's heard that "alla them people that are in these other countries're comin' through th'border, 'cause they're allowin' 'em to, an' they're  flahin' 'em inah airplanes to different parts of the - of America, an' droppin' 'em off. An' nobody don't know 'bout this stuff at four o'clock in th'mornin' ah mean, so.  When you do somethin' that early in th'mornin', as a government, yer hahdin' somethin' amen?"

Pray for Bahden - "if he don't git saved he's gohn' burn in Hell. Harrison - uhhhh, she - ah think she's trahin' to be a movie star instead of a vice president, or whatever it is she's trahin' t'do, but uh."

He rambles about someone else, named Dan, who has Covid, as does his wife. In his bumbling ramble of half-sentences, this comes out. "I advahse people, if ya don't haveta go to the hospital, don't go. If it gits bad enough, ya gotta go, ya gotta do whatcha gotta do."

Thank you Doctor Hawkins.

Finally, he asks if anyone else has a prayer request. And he's so welcoming. He stares at them, taps his fingers impatiently on the lectern, and asks:

Spoiler

It turns out he's looking at Jacob, who asks for prayers for "my brother," because he's not sure if he got the job he wanted. Gary asks "Who?"

Who? You only have two sons. I know you claim Becky's as yours when it's convenient, but I don't think he's old enough to work yet.

When Jacob says "Caleb," Gary says that he got the job, he's worked for two days already, then asks for prayers for him. He says it's a pretty good job, landscaping.

After some more prayer requests, to which Gary responds dully, and one more "HUH," Gary prays. He starts out pretty well, with some standard stuff, which I will skip, then starts to Garify it.

"God we're askin' you on the behalf of these requests Lord you've heard 'em, uh, from the - from the git-go of the tahm that it's happened 'til now. Lord we ask you that you would be in the midst of it, help us to accept your weeyul, whatever it is, it ain't easy, ah know, first Thessalonians over there chapter four or fahve where it says 'In all things give thanks,' sometahms that gits hard Lord, that's what we still gotta do. Lord we ask you t'intervene with th'Covit, we ask you t'intervene with sicknesses an' problems, Lord, we ask - we ask you to intervene. New. Life. Community Baptist Chruch. Brother Dan. Ah pray Lord you be able t'touch him an' help him t'where he can - start comin'. Back Lord. Git t'healthy enough t'do that."

And he tacks on his standard ending, then goes right on: "Well ah'm not gonna preach what ah was gonna preach, ah believe it's . . . the Lord's will, Psalms 23, if you wanna turn yer Bahble there just for a few minutes, ah won't . . . ah won't be long, but ah don't want t'let - ah don't want the neighbors an' the cars t'go bah an' say 'Well they didn't have church tonaht because it was only because the handfulla people.'"

He swigs from his water bottle. " Where two or three are gathered in mah name, amen."

He says "the recliner looks pretty good," and jokes about how early Brother Ernie gets up, then rattles of the 23rd Psalm, with a few errors and virtually no sense of the words.

Looking at the video, it was a short service - less than 35 minutes, and nine minutes of that are already gone (it's sort of amazing how offensive Gary manages to be, even in such a short time).

I'll come back to tell you all how Gary phoned it in - er, I mean, passionately preached.

Edited November 16, 2021 by thoughtful

[thoughtful]

Continuing the short service on 10/20, at New Life Community Chapel, under the tent, Gary has read the 23rd Psalm.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalms+23&version=KJV

I will take this opportunity to remind you all again that Gary claims he hates to talk about death. The first thing out of his mouth after "duwell in the house of the Lord forever" and his post-reading prayer, is "Psalms 23 - if you go to very many funerals, ah ain't gonna say every funeral ah bin to, but lots of funerals ah bin to, if you'll look on the back of the thing it tells about th'individual, it will have Psalms 23 on th'back of it."

And he goes on about the "shadow of death."

Which he hates talking about, of course.

He keeps re-reading verses - killing time, Gary?

He yammers about sheep being stupid, and how Jesus has that "little cane." "Some people think He's gotta have it for old age, no, he's got that cane so he can keep us in lahn."

Spoiler

He quotes verse 1, and goes on for a while about the difference between a need and a want. Since Gary's pronunciation of "want" is more like "wohn," the captions think it is "woman:"

Spoiler

 

He says something about not having a second restaurant being God's will, because he needed more time for the one he had. I assume this is something about Ernie, but who knows?

He rants about the young woman Becky was trying to lead to Jesus (by phone) when they were in Pennsylvania, and how she was "sayin' bad things about mah God." Becky had it "on speakerphone,"  so Gary  could hear it. He told the young woman he didn't want to hear it, and would just as soon she hung up.

Way to persevere, Gary - you are some delicate flower, if you can't hear someone's doubts about God.

He says if that sounds mean, sometimes it's necessary, and uses the metaphor "it's where the rubber meets the highway." That triggers a story about getting his tires changed, of course. They were practically worn bald, of course, because Gary gets his money's worth. Good thing you didn't kill your child and dog being so cheap, Gary.

Oh, and the young woman called back and apologized.

The green pastures in Heaven make Gary think of food, and his mind wanders around - trying to be on a diet, a recipe of Becky's, and taking Jacob to the "nursing home - no, not the nursing home, that's maybe where he needs to go - the chiropractor."

He rambles on for a while about how they went to Aldi and he got salad ingredients because he's going to eat like a rabbit for a while, until it gets boring. But in Heaven he'll be able to eat anything.

The still waters remind him of days when nothing goes wrong, and the beach that he has to take his wife to, even though he hates it. Then he babbles about living holy (not because it will get you to Heaven, though, and not holier-than-thou!).

People don't want to work, North Carolina has "a stupid Governor." 

He tries to re-read verse five, and just can't get it to come out. Finally he gets through it, then goes on for a while about how they'll have enemies, inside and outside of the church.

As for the cup that runneth over, Gary says that God wants us to do well, but he makes it clear that he doesn't believe in prosperity gospel. Well, he tries - he can't quite think of what it's called.

"Do ah believe in a prosperous God that's gonna profit - ah mean, we gonna get millions of dollars? No, ah don't believe in that. But ah'll just say this much. It may not be money that He gives us, it may be that He gives us - takes a little bitta money off our light bill or less which gas bill can anymore now what was it they showed ohn the news there gas is about seven dollars a gallon in California now."

He re-reads verse six, and goes on about how God "takes keer" of us.

He reads the whole psalm again, then prays.

Gary, that was mostly filler. I think you were inspired, not by God, but by Lucy van Pelt's book report on Peter Rabbit.

 

Edited November 16, 2021 by thoughtful
removing extra picture

[AmazonGrace]

Quote

On October19, at  New Life Community Chapel, under the tent, the video starts with Gary already blathering away, about how he's gonna preach like there was 1000 people there, no matter how few show up.

What difference does it make? He'd repeat himself more if there were more people? Yell more? Blather more? Judge more?

[thoughtful]

10 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

What difference does it make? He'd repeat himself more if there were more people? Yell more? Blather more? Judge more?

Well, as it turned out, he did do a lackluster job the next night (the 20th), because there were very few people there, and even admitted it when he said it was mostly so passers-by wouldn't think they didn't have church (so much for Gary's passion for the Lord).

So, as awful as he is when he is all fired up, it is actually possible for him to be worse.

On October 21, at  New Life Community Chapel, under the tent, the video starts with Becky droning Somebody Go Get God. Gary comes up and says we need to go get God, then his mind wanders to politics. He seems tired, and as unfocused and vague was he was the previous evening.

"See ah think about when they talk about God, see somebody put ohn Facebook 'ey in an', in North Carolahna, an' ah would like to have - Mr. Robertson to be - well, lemme - ah'd lahk for him to be our government - governor. But, uh . . . you know, you kin ask God all these things, we shoulda been thinkin' about this way a long tahm ago amen? Ah mean, America - ah mean, how many - how many babies do we board every year?"

I assume he meant "abort," but the captions and I agree - he said board.

Spoiler

His stream of piss - er, consciousness - continues; history is repeating itself, we have Sodom and Gomorrah again, if you get saved you will want to turn from your "wicked ways."

"Ah need t'pray ah got a message on Facebook today ah asked the preacher about a certain uh some other question ah asked him an'  . . . he answered mah question an' then he said didya hear about Brother Dave's wife - Mom? And uh, she passed away - she - they took her off of the ventilator and uh -" He touches the microphone. "Is this thing working?"
Becky: "Yeah, yours is."
Gary: "Mine is - OK. But she didn't have the Covid, she had somethin' else."

The captions seem to think it was Japanese beef that she turned down:

Spoiler

But the Lord saw fit to take her home. A touching tribute and sensitive way to deliver bad news, as usual, Gary.

"Pray for Brother Ernie an 'em, as they - some them's gotta go to New York, amen." Cheerfully: "Be a good tahm to go Brother Ernie, it won't be too cold it won't be too hot, amen - ah don't guess, ah dunno, ya might get up there an' git a blizzard. But ah hope not." Gary laughs heartily and at length. "An' ya better make sure ya take the right uh airplane, because uh some of 'em's rejectin' people an' tellin' 'em that uh, after ya git t'wherever ya gonna be, 'Well, we - we're no longer takin' no - ' so, but - ah guess you kin rent a car if ya hadta." Gary laughs again. "But pray f'r them, uh, his niece passed away sometahm early this mornin' an' they found out earlier - uh, a little bit later in the mornin'."

Yes, you read that right - Gary was joking about weather and spouting conspiracy theories about airplanes, when the reason Ernie and his family are traveling is because his niece died.

If that isn't quintessential Gary I don't know what is.

Then comes some of his usual shit about praying for the country, and he announces Matthew 27, and fumbles and stumbles through it.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+27%3A17-23&version=KJV

It only takes a few sentences to get from the reading to his title - making that more succinct does seem to have been a goal. I wonder who got him to do it. It's his What Will We Do With Jesus message - a familiar one.

Hey, did you guys know that Jesus was spitten upohn, mowked, made fun of, and hung on an old wooden cross?

While shrieking (yes, he's already up there) about how awful the country has become, Gary screams, "How many years ago was it whenever they said 'OK, we'll - we'll allow this to happen, we'll no longer allow prayer in the church. We'll no long allow chil'ren t'be able t'bring a Bahble t'church an' be able t'read their Bahble an' have prayer tahm. Hey! You cain't even pray over yer food whenever yer settin' at the table - in the lunch room."

I think you meant school, not church, Gary. You'd still be wrong, of course - children are allowed to pray and bring Bibles to public schools.

On to how "they" kicked the ten commandments out of the "courthousssse," and many more familiar things.

He says he got a "good report" (from the guy who told him that Dave's mother died), and implies that good things where happening at that church because of his visit a few weeks ago. Are you sure that wasn't just a "get this idiot off of the phone" tactic, Gary?

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=genesis+3%3A1-5&version=KJV

He falters his way through. Among his many errors, as usual, is "substil" for subtil. The captions give it the old college try:

Spoiler

 

He asks what are we going to do with Jesus when it comes to believing lies or the truth. Some quaky-voice gets in there, as he screams on - nothing new. He manages to say "Foxe's Booka Martyr" without help from Becky. I guess he took off the "s" so he can use it on "verse" or "Revelation."

He still can't remember if the person who said "God forgive them for they know not what they do" was a man or a woman, and how they were being tortured. Look that up before you use it again, Gary.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalms+63%3A1&version=KJV

What are you going to do with God when it comes to seeking His face?

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+19%3A22&version=KJV

Gary forgets to do his "What are we going to do with Jesus" segue after this one.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+26%3A14-16&version=KJV

"Judas Esscarrot."

Judas S. Carrot - an ancestor of Laura's perhaps?

KJV: And they covenanted with him for thirty pieces of silver.
Bro Gary Version: And they con - converted - conver -  conv - convenient with him for thirty pieces of silver.

What are we going to do with Jesus about (he lists all of the previous things) - "What about this - sellin' Him out?"

After some more screaming - nothing new - he announces Matthew 27:70. No such thing. Gary mumbles, Becky says something, he barks "WHAT? Ah know," then mumbles some more.

It's a good thing I am not at the keyboard for these services. When Gary fucks up like this, I would have to:

Spoiler

 

He finally figures out that it's chapter 26, not 27, and makes them wait while he comments about fixing it on his little pad, for next time, then while he does so.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+26%3A70-74&version=KJV

KJV: And when he was gone out into the porch, another maid saw him, and said unto them that were there, This fellow was also with Jesus of Nazareth.
BGV:  And when he was gohn out into the porch, another man - maiden said him  - said saw him, and said unto him - them that were there this fall - this fellow was also with Jesus of Nazaress.

Hey, maybe "Nazaress" is where the "s" sound from the end of Lazarus, which Gary always pronounces "Lazaruth," went - I think he reverses them.

Gary lists the previous bad things we're doing with Jesus, and adds "We're denying Him."

As usual, during his screaming, Gary reviews the story, and gets which thing happens thrice wrong: "Before the cock crows thrice, thou will denah me."

The captions are not sure what to make of that:

Spoiler

Then he goes over the verses in which Peter denies Jesus, and solemnly says he denied Him three times.

Right. But 15 seconds before that, you said it was the rooster crowing three times.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+23%3A39&version=KJV

Ooh, it's the "male factors!"

"He was mowkin' God." He screams about that briefly - I think he wants to get done and get out (small group again).

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+19%3A6&version=KJV

We ought to be receiving Jesus joyfully. And he screams about that for a few sentences, then wraps up quickly.

Spoiler

 

Edited November 17, 2021 by thoughtful
I was punctuatin' holy, so the devil picked his head up.

[Xan]

@thoughtful - Every time they do the "Somebody Go Get God", I have a mental image of God hiding out backstage in the green room and someone knocking on the door and saying, "God, you're on in five.  Gary just announced you."  And, for that matter, isn't Gary's God supposed to be everywhere all the time?  Why would someone need to go find him?  

47 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

guess he took off the "s" so he can use it on "verse" or "Revelation."

😆

I've noticed that Gary has started limiting who can reply to his Facebook posts.  They now say, "Gary Hawkins limited who can comment on this post."  I suppose that there were just too many people telling him that he was a terrible preacher and he couldn't take it.  Well, that or someone used reasonable arguments against KJV only or for women preachers or defended separation of church and state.  Sadly, he now won't get all those encouraging blessings from foreigners.  In fact, he's getting almost no comments at all.  As usual, Gary is stuck between a rock and a crazy place.  (Lifted this line from "The Big Bang Theory".)

[thoughtful]

15 hours ago, Xan said:

I've noticed that Gary has started limiting who can reply to his Facebook posts.  They now say, "Gary Hawkins limited who can comment on this post."  I suppose that there were just too many people telling him that he was a terrible preacher and he couldn't take it.  Well, that or someone used reasonable arguments against KJV only or for women preachers or defended separation of church and state.  Sadly, he now won't get all those encouraging blessings from foreigners.  In fact, he's getting almost no comments at all. 

All of the posts, for a long time, have been videos of services, on which he usually gets very few comments. He hasn't done a text post since September 14, and his last rant from a chair was May 31.

The former may be because he's licking his wounds from the "a phone is not a Bible" and "the altar is Biblical" fights, the latter because he's getting his ranting fix by preaching almost every day.

But who knows?

The mind of Gary is a mysterious place, full of cobwebs, "eth" endings, hissing sssss sounds, wrong names for the Vice President of the US and the lieutenant governor of North Carolina, no names at all for people he calls friends, and clear memories of things that never happened.

15 hours ago, Xan said:

Every time they do the "Somebody Go Get God", I have a mental image of God hiding out backstage in the green room and someone knocking on the door and saying, "God, you're on in five.  Gary just announced you."

If there's tiny bread, God will rise above it (like a professional) - I wonder if Gary would.

Spoiler

 

 

Edited November 17, 2021 by thoughtful
riffle

[AmazonGrace]

Spoiler

Pray for Brother Ernie an 'em, as they - some them's gotta go to New York, amen." Cheerfully: "Be a good tahm to go Brother Ernie, it won't be too cold it won't be too hot, amen - ah don't guess, ah dunno, ya might get up there an' git a blizzard. But ah hope not." Gary laughs heartily and at length. "An' ya better make sure ya take the right uh airplane, because uh some of 'em's rejectin' people an' tellin' 'em that uh, after ya git t'wherever ya gonna be, 'Well, we - we're no longer takin' no - ' so, but - ah guess you kin rent a car if ya hadta." Gary laughs again. "But pray f'r them, uh, his niece passed away sometahm early this mornin' an' they found out earlier - uh, a little bit later in the mornin'."

What the hell is wrong with him.  

[Jasmar]

19 hours ago, Xan said:

Every time they do the "Somebody Go Get God", I have a mental image of God hiding out backstage in the green room and someone knocking on the door and saying, "God, you're on in five.  Gary just announced you."

And it’s just so freaking juvenile. Like bratty kids fighting with the kids from the other neighborhood, saying “somebody go get Jim’s big brother, he’ll show ‘em!”

Edited November 17, 2021 by Jasmar
Riffle

[thoughtful]

7 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

  Reveal hidden contents

Pray for Brother Ernie an 'em, as they - some them's gotta go to New York, amen." Cheerfully: "Be a good tahm to go Brother Ernie, it won't be too cold it won't be too hot, amen - ah don't guess, ah dunno, ya might get up there an' git a blizzard. But ah hope not." Gary laughs heartily and at length. "An' ya better make sure ya take the right uh airplane, because uh some of 'em's rejectin' people an' tellin' 'em that uh, after ya git t'wherever ya gonna be, 'Well, we - we're no longer takin' no - ' so, but - ah guess you kin rent a car if ya hadta." Gary laughs again. "But pray f'r them, uh, his niece passed away sometahm early this mornin' an' they found out earlier - uh, a little bit later in the mornin'."

What the hell is wrong with him.  

I listened to it a few times, not just to write it down, but because I had to be sure I wasn't unfairly accusing him, and was hearing what I thought I was hearing.

I guess some combination of lack of social skills, lack of empathy, and terror of death (and of other people's sadness) creates a mind like that.

On October 22, at  New Life Community Chapel, under the tent, the video starts with Becky droning something I didn't recognize and couldn't find by googling lyrics. When she's done, she pick up something that's lying on a book on the piano, and puts it in her mouth.

Spoiler

  

Becky, I hate waste, too, but really, I think you could have thrown that out and started with a fresh candy/lozenge/gum/whatever.

Gary comes up and tries to talk while setting up his Bible and steno pad. He says this is the second time he's had a two-week meeting this year, "and uh - most of th'tahm that's not uh . . . " Long silence. "Alraht, turn yer Bahbles t'Mark chapter 14.

I guess we'll never know.

He mumbles and fumbles some more, tells them not to get discouraged (sounds like there's a small number there again), and finally reads.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=mark+14%3A58-64&version=KJV

KJV:  Ye have heard the blasphemy:
Bro Gary Version:  Ye have heard the bless - the blasFEEmee:

He re-reads verse 64 - this time he misreads it as "blasphemin'," so at least the accented, long-voweled middle syllable makes sense.

Again, it's a short (but torturous) trip to the title - What Jesus Is Guilty Of.

And he immediately goes into his routine about the Governor of New York claiming she is God.

In the course of his familiar crap about how Jesus wasn't guilty of anything sinful, Gary yells that some people think He was married to "Mairy MagdaLEEN."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+3%3A16&version=KJV

Jesus is guilty of giving His life for us. Then lots of screaming about giving back to Jesus (not because you have to, but you should just want to), and a wee bit of the torture description.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+3%3A17&version=KJV

Jesus is guilty of not condemning us.

We get a little bit of old-time-preacher "huh" ing in this section, but no content we haven't heard a hundred times before.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+14%3A1-4&version=KJV

Jesus is guilty of preparing a mansion for Gary.

Gary screams out his version of what Heaven will be like. He says he's already got his new clothes and his new body picked out. He bellows about Brother Fox, who was at the meeting last year, now being in Heaven "shoutin' it out." And, of course, his Heavenly food riff - short form, this time.

While screaming a story about giving out a tract on his way in to Brother Ernie's restaurant (where, I suspect, Gary eats for free), Gary interrupts himself while saying  he invited the man to whom he gave the tract to "come be a part of it. He came in the restau - another guy came in" to specify that it was not the man he gave the tract to who came in. Accuracy is so important to Gary.

The captions do their best:

Spoiler

Anyway, the "other guy" gave Gary a $20 bill, and Gary told him he didn't have to do that - that he only wants people to come to the meetings, and get saved.

Gary screws up his usual "there's a Hell to shun and a Heaven to gain." It comes out  "there's a Hell to gain and a Heaven to - uh - win."

As he's adding "Ah don't do it for the money," we hear Becky giggling. Gary asks "What is it?"
Jacob and Becky (sounding amused): "Hell to gain."
Gary: "Hell to gain?" Sulking a bit: "Hell to lose an' a Heaven to gain, amen." After a pause: "Ya wanna git up here an' trah this?"
Becky: "No."

And Gary goes back to shrieking about the imminent second coming, throwing in a bunch of his usual phrases. While yelping that it's OK to stay home from church only if you are sick, he tells them about the old woman at Pastor Pridgeon's church (mentioning, as an aside, that she has "since passed ohn") who almost never came to church except on Sunday mornings, due to her infirmities. But she came to every service when Gary was there.

All together now:

Spoiler

That's probably what killed her.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=colossians+2%3A13-14&version=KJV

KJV: And you, being dead in your sins and the uncircumcision of your flesh
BGV: And you, being dead in sin - in your sins and uncircumstize of your flesh

Jesus is guilty of taking Gary's place, which leads to the usual screamfest about how Gary should have been the one hanging on the old rugged cross, taking the cat-o'-nine tails, with lots of very fake-sounding wild-preacher wailing.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=hebrews+10%3A23&version=KJV

Jesus is guilty of being faithful, followed by some auto-pilot Garyshit. Then:

"Ah have trahd mah best for the last two or three nights, when Brother Ernie 'n'em were here, after knowin' about the situation of their niece's. An' you know what, God is faithful t'comf'rt us."

Jolly chat about the weather in New York was you "trying your best" to be comforting? I shudder thinking about what your worst would be, Gary.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+john+1%3A9&version=KJV

Jesus is guilty of forgiving us if we ask. And he wails about stupid sheep and the shepherd again. Gary tells them how he prays. The captions understand him perfectly, but, from what I've seen, if this is really one of Gary's daily prayers, God has not been listening:

Spoiler

If only.

Gary claims he's had the flu two times in ten years, like that's some sort of achievement, then says "Sad thing is now we can't get the flu any more you git the Covid. Ya cain't git regular sick anymore, ever'thing's the Covid. Some of you'll git that after a whahl."

He says that, when he's sick, he feels like he's not saved, because he's having a "little pity party." God even forgives those.

After more screaming about asking for forgiveness, he reads John 4:19: We love him, because he first loved us.

He follows it with familiar blasting, arm-waving guilt-mongering about how Jesus volunteered for torture and the old rugged cross because he loved us, including Gary, long before we were conceived, let alone born.

Quaky voice and longs ssssss sounds abound.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+john+5%3A13&version=KJV

Jesus is guilty of giving Gary everlasting life, which only inspired him to serve.

He reads Luke 19:10, practically in a whisper: For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost.

He starts talking about upcoming holidays. There's nothing wrong with Christmas gifts, as long as you don't forget about Jesus. "We give our chil'ren gifts - if they come aroun'. They don't come aroun', they won't git no gifts amen hallelujah. We git t'gether as a family, for the holidays - ah'm not listenin' t'Joe Bahden. Ah'm not listening to the government. Ahmanna git together with mah family. You say wha? 'Cause God said it's OK. Amen."

Gary is getting softer, repeating the things Jesus is guilty of, clearly reviewing and winding down, then the subject of Jesus supplying his every need reminds him of something.

"They said in California now that - gas - some places gas is seven dollars a gallon." And he takes a brief detour to talk about gas prices in Winston-Salem NC (his daddy keeps him updated). But it's OK, because God's not broke. He also seems to think this is a government plot to shut down churches. By the middle of this, he's screaming again:

"See, the government thinks, 'Well, we'll take care of this an' we'll get the gas prahces up there so hah that they'll have to shut the churches down, an' they'll haveta not do revahvals, an' they'll haveta not print. Hey, we'll even put in this paper that we're trahin' ta pass, of so many trillion dollars, an' we'll charge 'em eight cents a gallon,' like God's broke! Hey, they hadn't realahze, God is the rich God owns the worl' you remember whenever the devil an' ah just read it agin today - where the devil he went up, an' he took Jesus up to the - up t'there an' he tempted Jesus an' he said 'Do this' an' he said 'Do that,' an' if you worship me, ah'll give you the worl'? You know who owns the worl'? Jesus."

He looks so proud of himself after this outburst:

Spoiler

"The devil ain't too smart, amen?"

More yelping about high prices, a roar about serving a God that's guilty of doing everything He promised, then "The government can promise you all kindsa things. But those promises never come true. But ever'thing that Jesus has ever promised has came true."

This was another fairly short message, but Gary was back in full, high-energy, deafening volume force.

I also think this one may have set an all-time record for iterations of the phrase "old rugged cross." But I'm not going through it again to check.

Sorry.

 

Edited November 18, 2021 by thoughtful
riffle

[Jasmar]

God, he’s a moron.

That’s all I’ve got.

[Black Aliss]

When I saw this my mind quite naturally went straight to Gary and his Old Testament Jesus: 

Spoiler

 

[thoughtful]

On October 23, at  New Life Community Chapel, under the tent, the video starts with Becky and Jacob singing He Is Really All That Matters. They are pretty bad, and can't seem to figure out where to take a breath during this fairly fast, continuous song. But Jacob seems to be getting more of the pitches than the last time I listened to him.

Gary comes up. "He should be all that matters to us, amen? Brother Ernie, have ya heard anything about uh - goin' to New York?"

I can't quite hear Ernie's short answer.

Gary: "Well, let's pray for that matter. She passed away, what was it, Thursdee, Frahdee? Tahm flahs, man, ah'll tellya, it's uh, but uh."

Gary being Gary, I guess we should be glad he didn't automatically say "Time flies when you're having fun."

"Pray for that matter, pray fer Brother Ernie, just in case he hasta go ta . . . New York, amen!"

Someone asks if they can say something. Gary says "Go right ahead," then fidgets and swigs water and pretends to pay attention, nodding and dropping in "OK," "yes"  and "amen" while she's in the middle of sentences.

It's Ernie's wife, Marge.  While explaining that their ministry is to help others, she says that, when they first moved to the area, she volunteered at an unwed mothers' house" as well as a halfway house, but they "weren't really interested."  She and Ernie raised their great-niece and great-nephew, and were waiting for the Lord to tell them what to do next. The other night, Ernie came home and told her they need her help up at the halfway house to teach, because a lady had a stroke. Her point is that, if you just sit back and wait, God will put you in the right spot.

Prayers are asked for various people with illnesses, Gary says there's lots to pray about. "Brother Henry - " A motorcycle is heard, and Gary stops. "Ah ain't quite that loud." He chuckles, then starts again.

Becky called Brother Henry's wife and "she was trahin' t'talk a mahl a minute, lahk most women do, amen - ah'm jokin' - but  uh you could tell, because of the Covit, she was havin' to stop every little bit."

Henry was quarantined until 10/26, and the rest of the family until 11/1. Gary says that, as it says in Psalms 23, "He maketh me lah down." His conclusion is that sometimes God "has to put us flat on our back." He tells a story about a preacher "in Connecticutt, ah think" (Gary, why is it so important to you where people live?), who God had "impressed upon to write books," and never got around to it. He lost his voice for a year, couldn't preach, and had to write. That was the Lord.

Or maybe Franchot Tone.

Gary burbles on about listening when God calls, and how you can get by without a job as long as you have Jesus, then asks somebody if they've heard from their nephew - the answer is no, and he chuckles about how no news is good news, "or at least you don't have to worry about the bad news for that day."

Marge (I think) speaks again - someone she knows has a granddaughter in a hospital in New York, "and I don't know if you guys know this, but they mandated that they have the vaccine and half the - half the people left the hospitals up there."

Half of the staff? I've told you a million times to stop exaggerating, Marge.

We find out that the granddaughter works in the hospital, is working 50-80 hours a week, got one shot, and has Covid. And she's got five little kids.

Gary tries to blame it on the shot: "So she got the one shot, an' the shot done somethin' to 'er?"

But Marge says it was more likely because she was overworked and run down.

Gary persists: "Ever'body's got their opinion 'bout ever'thing, but those shots don't help - most people don't know that. Um, ah mean, mah wahf sells Tupperware, she had a lady that had the Covit. She had botha the shots, she ended up with Covid agin, now hat the lengtha tahm ah don't know an' that ain't - but ah'm just sayin' . . . an' it's proven out, mattera fact ah was just listenin' to the news the other day, it's wonna the sergeants, maybe y'all hear this - wonna the sergeants took the shot, had the Covit, took the shot, an' still dahd."

He bloviates some more, medical expert that he is, then Marge asks prayers for another sick family member. When she mentions that person had a fever of 102, Gary feels compelled to tell them all about Brother Henry's illness again.

The captions have a tough time with with Gary's pronunciation of "Covid." Usually, it comes up "covet," which is weird to me, since Gary's "O" sound is clearly long. I think they gave up when Gary said that Henry got tested, and "they told him he had the Covit."

Spoiler

Finally, Gary prays, making sure to add, when he talks about the sick hospital worker in New York, "she took the shot and now Lord she's turned sick"

One more request - sounds like Marge again. Her sister had Covid, was released from the hospital, and now something seems to be wrong with her mind. Gary has to tell a story about someone he knows in New York who had heart trouble after her bout of Covid.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+3%3A11-22&version=KJV

"Tonight, with the help of the Lord, ah wanna preach ohn Real Love."

And he's off and running with the idea that the "world" only means lust when it says love, and how he didn't love people before he got saved

He is briefly interrupted by bugs that get in his hair.

He manages to get himself over to the governor of New York claiming to be God, and sending people out to say that God is commanding them to take the shot.

He also says her Mama hated her for giving her a name like that, that he can't pronounce. Gary, you raving lunatic, her name is Kathy!

And he goes on to scream about vaccines "If you feel the necessarity of taking the shot, I will not get mad atchu. But don't git mad at me for not taking the shot, amen?"

And he screams on about how he never "took" shots, and how Becky would take flu shots, and then be sick for a month with the flu (citation needed, Gary).

He blabbers about Brother Colton (I think he means deceased pastor Colter Fox), who was wonderful, but he'd be shoutin' over the banister of Heaven at Gary for praising him, because it's all about Jesus. Or something.

He rambles and babbles about some people from another church that came the previous night and gave some money for someone who lost their mother (I think), teases Ernie about being late for church, then talks about how long the day is for the restaurant staff, which he knows from talking to the waitstaff when they served him his breakfast that morning.

But, no matter how "tiresome" it gets, "that love makes you want to desire to give."

He took Becky to the ocean - he does his usual whining about that - and there was a woman standing on the beach who said she was homeless. I guess Gary didn't believe her - he goes into his rant about how there are lots of jobs available at MACDonald's and Burger King.

He says it's probably not as bad in South Carolina because they "got a pretty decent governor" - Gary doesn't know if it's a man or a woman - I guess Republican is all he cares about. But in North Carolina, employers have to offer all kinds of extras.

A living wage would be nice, Gary. And hearing you be snippy about someone you think doesn't work hard enough, depends on others for food and has no home, is pretty crazy-making.

Anyway, the love of Jesus will make you want to give.

Gary starts to say he told them all something last night, then realizes the people in front of him weren't there the previous night. "Ah got t'preach to Brother uh -
Becky: "Dan."
Gary: "Dan, bah himself amen? Ah preached to him lahk ah preach to y'all, amen."

Captions:

Spoiler

Also (the captions are correct this time):

Spoiler

He does correct himself, and say "so our sins could be washed away."

"Listen, before ah got saved, ah didn't really wanna give a whole lotta things.  Ah'd go t'work, 'cause ah hadta work, 'cause ah had t'pay bills, 'cause ah had t'take keer of mah family, but when ah got there when ah got there, an' as soon as work was over, ah's ready t'go! Butcha know what? Ah got born again saved bah the grace a'God, ah had a different change in mah attitude, amen?"

And just what was that "different change" (as opposed to a same change, I guess?). After you got saved, you gave up working altogether, Gary.

"Look in Romans chapter fahve, real quick-lahk." Then he says it's John, then Romans, then John again, then Romans.

Wherever, dude - I'll meet you there later.

[smittykins]

9 hours ago, thoughtful said:

he goes into his rant about how there are lots of jobs available at MACDonald's and Burger King.

Sure, go ahead and work a job that’ll deliberately keep you under 40 hours a week so they don’t have to provide benefits(except management), where customers will curse you out because the kid’s meal toy they wanted sold out within hours(The Lion King/Pokémon), and, should you make one tiny mistake, it will be posted on Facebook with the caption “And they want $15 an hour.”

(Source:  I did it for almost ten years, fortunately before social media was really a thing.)

[thoughtful]

37 minutes ago, smittykins said:

Sure, go ahead and work a job that’ll deliberately keep you under 40 hours a week so they don’t have to provide benefits(except management), where customers will curse you out because the kid’s meal toy they wanted sold out within hours(The Lion King/Pokémon), and, should you make one tiny mistake, it will be posted on Facebook with the caption “And they want $15 an hour.”

(Source:  I did it for almost ten years, fortunately before social media was really a thing.)

This little story was just filled with Garyesqueness.

As you point out, he wouldn't have a clue that those jobs don't really provide a living. For all he knows, she may have such a job, and still can't afford a home.

And, as I said, the irony of Gary being critical of someone who doesn't earn their living is obvious. If she's got a scam going, it's the same scam he is running - he just think he's superior because he  talks about Jesus and wears a shirt Becky ironed (and a tie, but only in church and after-church meals, not when soul-winning, lest someone think he is a JW!).

Maybe he's just pissed off at anybody else working his territory. Loris and Myrtle Beach are his!

This whole part of the message is about how the love of Jesus will make you want to give, and he somehow ends up telling a story about someone he thought was faking being poor. Even if she wasn't, he assumes she's jobless, and wants her to go get a horrible job that wouldn't support her. Wouldn't a story about giving to such a person be more in keeping with the theme?

And, since the person on the beach was a woman, why would Gary want her to get a job? Shouldn't she be married and supported by a husband, in his little fantasy world?

For that matter, why is he so chummy with the women waiting tables at Ernie's? Shouldn't he be lecturing them on staying home to serve their husband and Jesus?