Bro Gary Hawkins 18: Bro In My State...State of the Bro

[thoughtful]

If it's full, why is it filling itself? Also, Gary, the past tense of blow is blew.
 

Spoiler

Gary is cranky with Kate Smith and Irving Berlin:

Spoiler

Gary posted a picture of some cantaloupe. I thought you should know.

 

11 hours ago, Alisamer said:

He knows all his own jokes and lines, and expects his audiences to know them too. 

I think Gary is basically playing a game of telephone with himself. The more often he repeats a story, the more it mutates to make less and less sense. 

Both of these are great descriptions. Much of his babble does sound like abbreviated versions of stories, references and jokes I've already heard, which is sometimes the only reason I know what he's talking about.

A few times I've been baffled by the shortened version, or a garbled pronunciation, and only figured it out later, after hearing a more coherent rendition. I could not figure out why he pictured himself in Hell, "burnin' like a sausage with mah bathrobe," until I heard it again and realized it was "back broke," not bathrobe.

Someday, his messages may degenerate to 45 minutes of "Ahmahnna tellya muhmuh blah blah ah ain't braggin' ohn this gurgle reptobate bahbah Jesus sin haminah haminah am ah makin' sense tonaht?"

And there will still be idiots yelling "Yes! Amen! C'mon, preacher!"

[AmazonGrace]

OMG Talk about a low bar. 

Spoiler

He says he appreciates "Brother Bob, an' ah'm not gonna say her name, 'cause ah'll mess it up."
Valerie, loudly: "Valerie!"
Gary: "Valerie, hallelujah ah'm glad you know yer name, amen

 

[thoughtful]

OK, folks, if Gary learned. To use. Punctuation correctly. How shocked would you be?

Spoiler

Gary preached last night at Lighthouse Baptist Church in Jamestown New York. The video starts with all singing Count Your Blessings, then Send the Light. A prayer (Gary gives out one "yes"), the offering, and they sing All the Way My Savior Leads Me.

The Pastor says they are not taking called out prayer requests, to give Gary as much time as possible.

Fool.

He is the same kind of fool as Gary, though. Think about the opportunity to describe yourself, as a pastor, in the blurb on a church website. What would you want to say about your faith, your love for people, your goals? Here's what Pastor Erickson had to say, after a brief bio:

Quote

In a world that is going liberal, the past fifteen years in the pastorate have only proved to reinforce Dr. Erickson's position on conservatism.

Today the largest percentage of the population is caught up in atheism, para-church organizations, religionism, the cults, Catholicism, humanism, and etc... The many branches of protestantism (which are not, in the strictest sense, New Testament churches), would fall into this category. Existentialism, Secular Humanism (the religion), self worship, materialism, "christian" pseudo religious groups like the Masons, Shriners, & etc., all take their place among the eternally doomed.

Way to keep it positive and about Jesus, dude.

The Hawkins family sings, ending with Preach On from Becky. She starts oddly slowly, then speeds up suddenly.

Gary gets up and says that America and churches need preaching, not entertainers. Gary compliments the work they've done on the church, and says he hears they're "workin' on a mission quarters, amen! That's a blessing, amen? And uh, 'cause uh -  motels ain't gettin' no cheaper amen."

He says somebody's expecting him to preach in "the Southern stahl - from North Ca'lahna amen."

Someone says "Whoopeee!"

"Ah don't do the wind-suckin'."

Yeah, but you tried it for a while, Gary, when you were deciding which old-timey preachers to copy.

He announces Ephesians 6 and claims he's "been ponderin'," then tells them he's only had one day off in "ah don't know - a whahl. But ah'm not complainin', ah lahk it."

He says that he's discovered something about his body - he's fine if he keeps going, but if he gets a few days off, "Mah wahf's gotta get out there an' wahnd that thing up and make me go again amen."

Spoiler

Gary imitates Becky winding that thing back up.

"But one of these days we'll get to rest for eternity."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+6%3A10-21&version=KJV

It's the "armor of God" verses, and, of course, Gary has to add to verse 12, as well as inventing some words, and referring to the "fairy darts of the wicked," which makes them sound so adorable!

KJV: For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
BGV: For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against th'principalities, against th'powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in hah places and man are we ever there, amen?

KJV: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints
BGV: An' prayin' always with all prayers and supplications in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all preserveness and supplications for all saints

KJV:  But that he also may know my affairs, and how I do, Tychicus, a beloved brother and faithful minister in the Lord
BGV:  But that he al - but that ye also may know my affairs, and how ah do, Tytriss, and mah beloved brother and faithful minister in the Lord

"Now we all know, you been in church any length of tahm, you know we're fighting a war amen? We're fightin' a war with the government, we're fightin' a war with this, an' we're fightin' a war with that, but ah'm gonna tellya, we're definitely fightin', listen hey it usedta be - it usedta be Republican aginst Democrat, now it's wicketness that we're fightin' against, amen? The Bahble talks about it, the principalities of DEEsahrs, the darknesses, an' uh all these different kahndsa things, an' ah am seein' it as you watch what's goin' ohn ah'm seein' even saved people today tryin' to faht the battle for theirself. That's the reason we're weary, that's the reason they're quittin', that's the reason they're givin' up, that's the reason churches are closin' their doors because  - they're tryin' to do it awrong."

He goes on about the devil being real, and various martyrs, the need to stand for "our rahts," and how people can't do it alone. He tries to compare it to the military:

"You think about the military, anything, an' most of ya - most of ya know a little bit more about that than ah do, other than what ah hear or whatever mah father-in-law was in the military, far as ohn mah family ah really don't know, but you know what, an' an' for the military people to do whatever it was, the rank that they was in, they had t'have a group of people workin' together."

After some more standard, automatic Garyshit, including expressing his surprise that we are not already having a second Civil War and an "Ever'body alraht? You better be alraht, 'cause we're in the last days" when he doesn't get resounding agreement to that, he finally gets to his title.

"Ah wanna preach, just for a little whahl, Let the Lord Fight Your Battles."

It is always amusing, when they are 22 minutes into the service, and Gary's already been yammering for 10 of them, to have him tell them that he is just starting to preach, for "just a little while." I always think of the characters in Airplane! when Ted starts talking about Elaine.

He misreads verse 14 again, and tells them they need to stand. Then he tells them to keep moving forward. Make up your mind, Gary.

He boasts about "upsetting the applecart" on Facebook. If you think Joe Bahden thinks for himself, you need to go to the hospital and get your screws tightened. He's "beginnin' to wonder if we don't have some puppenahzed preachers today." Hand to ear. "Amen?"

Puppenized, I assume, means made into a puppet. But I don't think the congregation understands, because he gets silence, except for an uncomfortable chuckle.

He goes off on a love-fest about Bobby Roberson, who kept getting sick and and taken to the hospital, but wouldn't die. "They had t'take a coupla two bah fours and fahnally kill 'im, amen."

Anyway, Roberson said he was going to "pasture" until he was 100, then go evangelize.

He re-reads the beginning of verse 14 again. People today only want to hear lies, in churches and  the "politician world." On to New York politics. "Como's fixin' t'step down, an' ah don't know nothing about this woman, y'all do, ah will say this much, she can speak a whole lot better'n he can amen. You can understand what she says, you couldn't even - guy lahk Joe Bahden, you couldn't understand what he said, amen?"

Go easy on the irony meters, Gary - trash day isn't until Tuesday here, and the bin is already full

."Ah don't know what she's lahk, other than she's a Democrat. But ah do know what she said, she said 'Ah am for we the people' but then somebody told her today 'Their people,' amen, that's prob'ly about what it issssss."

After yet more old riffs about sin and hard preaching, America being founded on "religious rahts," bad modern Baptists, martyrs, he re-reads verse 14 again, and starts in on the breastplate of righteousness, which he interprets as memorizing the Bible.

He boasts about Becky talking the preacher's daughter in PA (I wonder if Gary still remembers that her name is Valerie) into getting saved.  He says she told him she had a lot of questions on the way the Flight 93 memorial, and he claims he told her he has no answers. But then he goes on about having the Word memorized (hid in your heart), because people are going to ask you questions.

So, I think Gary did answer Valerie's questions, but is claiming that he only gave Biblical answers.

Maybe.

Who knows.

Some of his anti-education stuff follows, with "Timothy said 'Ever learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.'"

No, Paul said that to Timothy, Gary.

Somebody told Gary that there is a scripture that says it's OK for women to preach. Gary says he won't let Becky preach because she's so good he'll "get fahred real quick-lahk."

So he answers a genuine question about a Bible passage with his usual sarcasm? Great.

He re-reads verse 15 (finally - he got past 14!), and says "You better be preparatin' yourself for the Gospel. Amen?" He uses this imaginary word several times in the next few minutes.

He does his usual riff about giving out tracts everywhere you go. A woman chuckles when he says something about leaving them in bathrooms, then sort of turns it into a cough. Yeah, he's serious, lady.

He says some people where they are staying have seen the new governor "out and about," and that somebody ought to be talking to her, because she might not be saved.

He re-reads some of verse 16.

Anything can change overnight. When Gary went to bed on election day, Donald Trump was winning.

He does his riff about gas prices - but God ain't broke, and told him to shut up when he complained. "God's got thisssssss."

He does his routine about being on the road with "all sevena mah chil'ren" and how people fed them (because Gary prayed for God to do so), and God clothed them, and how much Jacob has grown, and how God gave him vehicles, roofs over their heads, etc.

Yankees don't know what mustard seeds are, but they can move mountains.  When your children disappoint you, it's rough, when churches don't have a pastor it's rough. He tells them that the people in PA told them they don't know what to do, and "ah preached for 'em Saturday naht and all day Sundee, and ah give 'em what t'do."

Modest, ain't he?

He knows they think they're perfect and have never made mistakes, but "take yer halos off, ya ain't as good as ya think ya are amen."

He re-reads some of verse 18, then screams about praying for a while. Gary likes it when God shows up in church. 

Pray for the man of God - "if you think pastorin' is easy, go start you a church an' see what happens." He talks about the preacher in Michigan who has always prayed 10 hours a day, even when he was young and busy.

"The reason we're where we're at right now, with the world goin' crazy, and the Democrats takin' over, is lack of prayer." His bit about God taking away Trump because people were content and stopped praying sounds even more spiteful than usual: "God said 'That's the way you gonna be, ah'll put somebody new in.'"

He rants about governments locking churches and putting people in prison for a while.

He re-reads verse 19, then gives them lots of advice about how to Godbother people.

He starts talking about his elderly friend who died a while back, telling them how he had "Alt-timers," and his wife had to help him go to the bathroom, etc., and how Gary told him his purpose in life was to pray for Gary.

He re-reads verse 17, and says there are a lot of church people just playing church like Gary used to, who are not saved. He brings up "the preacher's daughter" again - she's about 30, had been in church all her life, and wasn't saved.

Make sure you know you're saved. Eternity's a long time.

Get up every morning and have some time with Jesus, because the devil is out there to sift you.

Edited August 19, 2021 by thoughtful
various riffles got past the armor of God

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

OMG Talk about a low bar. 

  Hide contents

He says he appreciates "Brother Bob, an' ah'm not gonna say her name, 'cause ah'll mess it up."
Valerie, loudly: "Valerie!"
Gary: "Valerie, hallelujah ah'm glad you know yer name, amen

 

Yeah, this is one of Gary's little "jokes." When he can't get a name, he says something about not attempting it, or just hesitates. The person kindly supplies their name (or church or place name), and he says hallelujah and that he's glad (or all that matters is that) they know their own name.

I think Gary's use of "hallelujah" is almost always sarcastic - he says it when he drops things, when brushing away a fly, etc.

Also "bless God" is what Gary uses at times when other people would say something like  "Fuck them," "I hate that,"or "this makes me so angry."

So sincere and careful about his language. 🙄 

[postscript]

So basically Pastor Erickson’s bio says everyone except him and maybe a couple of his friends are going to Hell? Yeah, no thanks. 

Gary thinks churches need preaching rather than entertainment? Interesting take, since so much of what he does qualifies as entertainment by the restrained standards of more mainstream Protestant denominations. And of course he’s thankful they’re building mission quarters. It’s another place for him to get free lodging. This church will never get rid of the Bro. 

[clese]

Since gary blocked me some time ago after enquiring about his job status I finally got to see Gary's church sermons/yelling at people.

Genuine question..how many people actually GO ZTO THESE SERVICES.

AND why do people sing solo ina microphone when  they cant..err..sing?

[thoughtful]

21 hours ago, postscript said:

So basically Pastor Erickson’s bio says everyone except him and maybe a couple of his friends are going to Hell? Yeah, no thanks. 

Like Gary, he probably goes on and on about how he wants everybody to go to Heaven with them. Of course, we all have to become exactly their kind of Christians to get there.

They always give themselves an "out" to claim to be loving.

Believe it or not, Gary preached again tonight, at Hunters Creek Bible Baptist Church in Holland NY. Saturday nights, Thursday nights, not even under the tent? What is this world coming to?

After his usual "good to be in church" routine, he talks about this church also losing its pastor (he moved to Tennessee and is still working, according to the person who is leading the service). Gary talks about his upcoming itinerary, for no reason I can discern. Also, apparently they need to know that Becky loves the ocean and he hates it.

He announces John 12, and claims he just got inspired while looking something else up, and "ah hope ah can give it to you lahk the Lord give it to me."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+12%3A21-26&version=KJV

A new reading - maybe, just maybe, this one will inspire some new ideas.

I crack me up.

KJV: The same came therefore to Philip, which was of Bethsaida of Galilee, and desired him, saying, Sir, we would see Jesus.
BGV: The same came therefore to Philip, which was of  - Bethasia of Galilee, and desired him, saying, Sirsss, we would see Jesus.

Other than that, he comes pretty close to actually reading what it says, other than leaving out a "verily."

"Now look in verses twunny three - four again, an' here's what it says."

He gets in both "verily"s this time.

"An' as ah was thinkin' just fer a little bit there as ah looked at that and read that - ah even had to stop mah boy an' mah wahf from doin' school for a little bit an', give 'em this, an' - ah got to thinkin' about this an' ah b'lieve - ah - this is not in all cases an' ah thank God for that, but it's gittin' t'be - a lotta places it's gittin' t'be in a lot of places where people think that they're it, amen? Does that make sensssse? Tonaht ah think, with the help of the Lord, ah wahnna preach ohn Let's Dah - Let Us Dah t'Christ. Let Us Dah to Christ.

I'm happy to say I've never had a kidney stone, but listening to Gary try to get through an introductory speech for a message is what I imagine it feels like to pass one. Just get it out already!

He actually didn't pause there, but elided right into: "You say 'whataya mean?' Well, we need ta dah, well you think about plantin' fruit now it's gonna be over pretty soon amen only thing ah - only thing that ah lahk about New York is their corn that's the only reason ah come up here amen? And uh but uh - ah don't know what their cows do to it but it tastes pretty good after they get done with it but uh - but we gotta dah t'ourself, we gotta dah t'Christ, we gotta realize listen hey it's a lotta people tonaht think church is about them. It's a lotta people tonaht that think that uh uh uh we uh uh  'if ah wasn't here, the show wouldn't go ohn' amen ya ever met somebody lahk that? Listen hey, 'if ah ever dah an' if anything ever happened to me, ah'll tell ya what's gonna happen - this church'll close.'"

I'm guessing about those inner quotes, but I think he's imitating people who think they are "it."

It sounds like, at some point, Gary actually understood the metaphor of a seed needing to break down to produce something, but he lost it again.

He tells the old story about the doctor who tried to boss a South Carolina pastor around because he had money. He starts in on the "Walmarts" self-checkout, and how they make you a robot. He says that, when he first started preaching, he "preached lahk a wild man," but now he knows it's not about Gary, it's about God. Gary wants to die to himself, and he crucifies his flesh daily - sometimes several times a day. 🙄

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+5%3A14-15&version=KJV

We need to be the light of the world. He does his bit about people watching to see if they come to church. He yells about that for a while, asks if he's making sense, gets silence, and tells them they need to get excited.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+26%3A39-45&version=KJV

He rushes and stumbles all over this familiar passage. For example:

KJV: And he cometh unto the disciples, and findeth them asleep, and saith unto Peter, What, could ye not watch with me one hour?
Bro Gary Version: AndhecomethuntothedisciplesandfindeththemasleepandsaiduntoPeter, What, could ye not watch an' pr - wa - could ye not watch with me an' one hou - with me - one hour?

"Y'know what another thing it 'at we need t'do anan' let the spotlight bein' ohn Jesus an' us dahin' t'ourself an' not our will but God's will. See Jesus Chrast was fixin' t'go an' be hung ohn an ol' rugged cross, be beaten upohn, spitten opohn, mowked an' made fun or, an' he still is today."

Gary hates pain and he's not looking forward to what's going to happen in our country. He calls Brother McFadden every week, "'cause hey, ah wanna encomfort him because ah went through some troubles 'n' trials here prob'ly about 10 or 12 years ago an' he called me every day."

He does his bit about the coming persecution, and rants about how you still have to follow God's will.  He gets back to McFadden - sort of. "Ah asked him about today his granddaughter ah cain't remember what country she's in, but in any a'those countries raht now is a terrifahin' tahm t'be in amen but what's goin' ohn an' everything an an' you know what mah wahf we was uh talkin' there earlier t'day an' she said 'Y'know, it would be better t'be in God's will an' dah, then to be outta God's will . . . an' dah, an' meet God in that condition.' Amen? Ah mean, listen, hey, y'get yer head cut off, listen if they do it real fast the sad part about it is they prob'ly do me real slow-lahk amen an' take mah tahm an' everything, but ah'm just gonna say listen, we want - we ought t'want God's will tonight."

Gary goes on screaming about how he thinks he's in God's will - during the pandemic, he never slowed down. "When you in the perfect willa God, you may get crucifahed and persecuted on some ends, but guess what? God's raht there with ya."

He yells about his "seven children" for a while, and "jokes" about how the only reason we don't kill our children is so we can have grandchildren.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=mark+4%3A37-50&version=KJV

"Ah'll tell ya somethin' else that ah'd lahk to dah to - knowin' that people can see . . . people in mah needs."

"Mah seven children that we raised, when we started out eight years ago - a little bit over eight years ago this comin' November if the Lord tarries His comin' we make it to tha - November the 13th, we started out in full tahm evangelism."

He rattles off the routine about asking God to provide food, clothing, shelter and vehicles, the story about how God answered their prayers for help when whatever they were driving at the time broke down in Louisiana, and other old crap.

Gary hates Facebook because people complain too much.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+2%3A49&version=KJV

"Ah tell ya another thing we need t'dah to . . .  himself is the Lord's work."

Maybe there is something wrong with my ears. This is the second slow proclamation after a reading, with a tone of voice that sounds like he thinks he's being profound, that made no sense.

I expect gibberish in his rushed riffs, but these slow bits are weirder, to me. It's like Jack Handey and Sally Rogers' aunt Agnes got together.

He yells about people giving up, does his "never made fun of the vahris" crap, Gary says that, if anybody should have gotten the virus, he should have, because he gets pneumonia every two years. He doesn't know much about pneumonia, but "mah wahf used t'be a doctor," she tries to tell him things, "ah tell her to shut up, amen." Anyway, he says he should have gotten "that vahris," but he didn't get it. "Well, ah do think ah got it, but ah got it before they knew what it was."

Gary, pick a lie and stick with it already.

"In Texas last year we done a meetin'. An' we had the law enforcement come an' knock on the church door, an' a health inspector t'come an' knock on the door. An' they're settin' there talkin ah got the preacher ah was downstairs, just happened t'walk bah an' ah didn't have a key on 'cause the keeps the church locked at all tahms. An' so ah tol' ah tol' th'p'lice officer ah said 'Yer gonna have t'give me a minute t'get the preacher t'get the keys,' 'cause ah wa'n't goin' to jail amen. Ah was gonna go t'mah bedroom and hahd, amen."

"An we went out there an' we talked t'them a little bit. He's askin' him what he's doin' an' why he's up - abahdin' - obeyin' abahdin' bah the lawsa th'land an' wha church is still goin' ohn, 'cause God said it was instituted amen. Said 'do not forsake th'assemblin' of thyself together.'"

"An' ah said, 'Listen, ah don' wanna argeee, ah don' wanna - ah just wanna ask you a question.' Ah ahready knew the answer, but ah wanted t'hear him say it. An' ah said 'You tell me one thing, sir. We're only allowed t'have ten people in church, an' there's two peep- two hundred people at Walmarts explain to me.' An' all he could do was stutter. Ah said 'You've answered mah question.'"

That last is in a voice dripping with scorn.

Gary does his boasting about being on the reservation and preaching to President Nez. This time we hear that Becky asked Gary if he thought she should put her mask on when she walked by him (on her way to sing), and Gary said "Nah, he's secure - he's got three of 'em on, he be allraht amen."

Gary says he preached to him like he would to anyone else. He screams, "You call yourself the president of the Navajo Nation, you need to be the first one knockin' on doors an' not worried about what they have the Covid but you need to worry about their soul goin' t'Hell, amen? The work of God need to continue ohn even in the rough tahms, amen!"

You never said anything of the kind, you lying sack of shit.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+3%3A30-33&version=KJV

We need to decrease and humble ourselves. Gary humblebrags about how he is only Becky's assistant at the Texas camp meeting, and does other boasting about how humble he is. He talks about his tent and his burden for America.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+5%3A18&version=KJV

We need to be filled up with God. He quotes something he's seen on Facebook: "Ahwanna be so filled with the holy spirita God, when a muskeeta bites me, they kin git in touch with God."

Gary doubts a mosquito can get saved, and hopes they can't because he doesn't want them in Heaven. He deals with them enough in Maine.

He makes sure they know that eight people have gotten saved in their ministry in the last two weeks,  does a few of his standard riffs about spreading the word, and "jokingly" tells them they're a "hard crowd" because they don't yell back to his satisfaction.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Colossians+3%3A2&version=KJV

You need to be thinkin' on the things of God. "You know what our worsest parta your body is? Is your mahnd."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians+2%3A1-4&version=KJV

He fumbles and stumbles through, then says that people who aren't saved are dead, spiritually.

You better make sure you're saved, eternity is a long time, the rich man, people have been dying all day and they all didn't go to Heaven, your casket could be in a funeral home nearby, our country's in a mess. Sounds like he's getting to the end, but he gets a second wind.

The 20th anniversary of 9/11 is coming, and he mumbles something about how it could be the end of the world. He wouldn't be worried about Afghanistan or New York, he'd be sure he's saved.

"Mah oldest boy called me last naht, when ah was travelin' from Jamestown, travelin' back up here, an ah was talkin' t'him, mah wahf looked at him, now, he's made a few professions, he says he's saved, he says he's a preacher. Mah wahf says 'You better make sure you're raht, 'cause you're the one that's gonna dah. You're the one that's gonna go into eternity.'"

He's winding down, so he gets harder to hear as he swallows the end of sentences.

"We need to dah to ourselves, and realahze . . . the drunk ohn the street. We went down there the other naht an' helpin' those homeless people* - ah'm gon' quit here in just a minute - an' ah watched them after they got preached to, ah watched them come down, and they eat. Y'know what, some them people, prob'ly the first tahm they'd eaten since last _____ (? sounds like "June"). Homeless . . . you know what? They need Jesus. Ah'm glad somebody took somebody down to Buffalo, ah guess they would call it a inner city church, _____ (mumble). Ah was in a church here not long ago, ah can't remember where ah was at, me'n the preacher was knockin' ohn doors, an' he said 'Ya know what? Sometahm it's easier t'go t'the trailer park an' git somebody t'come t'church. But these hah-dollar houses need somebody t'knock on their door.' Amen?"

Gary wants to "inkerrige" them. He jokes that Jacob was doorknocking recently, and said the wrong church name. I'm surprised he can remember his own name, the way you drag him around the country, brainwash him and make him work, Gary.

Get behind your pastor - we're soon gettin' outta here. He says some people who came there from Alaska might not make it back, and that he might not make it to his next destination, and he starts his final prayer as the video cuts off.

*Gary mentioned this earlier - it was a planned activity that the other NY church does, so he couldn't avoid going, I think.

Edited August 20, 2021 by thoughtful
riffles

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, clese said:

Genuine question..how many people actually GO ZTO THESE SERVICES.

It varies. It's hard to tell, unless someone swings the camera around, but I'd say anywhere from 4 to 30 people.

Gary put another notch on his belt - which was given to him, along with cowboy boots, by some sucker. You can call, Gary, but I don't want to be altered.

[Xan]

Gary's on Facebook today:

Spoiler

He's going to be at Calvary Baptist Church starting tomorrow.  The Hawkins Family is performing "special music".  Yeah... it's "special" all right.

Spoiler

And there's this word salad:

Spoiler

I think Gar's getting tired of waiting for the Rapture.  Everyone is sinning, GOD is being "mock on" and Gary just has no commas left to give.  The good news is that pay day is coming.  Yay!

[Antipatriarch]

On 8/19/2021 at 2:49 PM, thoughtful said:

We're fightin' a war with the government, we're fightin' a war with this, an' we're fightin' a war with that, but ah'm gonna tellya, we're definitely fightin', listen hey it usedta be - it usedta be Republican aginst Democrat, now it's wicketness that we're fightin' against, amen?

Wait... it's not Republican vs Democrat any more? Man, I wish I hadn't let my subscription to "Culture War Weekly" lapse; I'm so far behind!

 

On 8/19/2021 at 2:49 PM, thoughtful said:

Anyway, Roberson said he was going to "pasture" until he was 100, then go evangelize.

This pronunciation cracks me up every time. "I'd say it's about time Gary was put out to 'pasture'."

On 8/19/2021 at 11:23 PM, thoughtful said:

He announces John 12, and claims he just got inspired while looking something else up, and "ah hope ah can give it to you lahk the Lord give it to me."

Kent (enters Hathaway's house, looks up): "Okay God... LLEMMEE HAVE IT!"

- Real Genius

[thoughtful]

5 hours ago, Xan said:

The good news is that pay day is coming.

For the first time, Gary is scaring me.

I dislike both peanuts and caramel.

Spoiler

 

[Seahorse Wrangler]

On 8/18/2021 at 11:54 AM, Alisamer said:

According to the Charlie Daniels Band regardless of the going rate for a soul, the devil likes to steal them anyway. He'll buy, if he has to, or make deals, but he looks for ones to steal. 

 

Or else he's betting using souls against God, poker or chess.

[Xan]

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

For the first time, Gary is scaring me.

I dislike both peanuts and caramel.

  Hide contents

 

That's the only candy bar that I truly hate.  

[thoughtful]

14 hours ago, Seahorse Wrangler said:

Or else he's betting using souls against God, poker or chess.

Or pretending to be a helpless prisoner.

Spoiler

 

 

13 hours ago, Xan said:

That's the only candy bar that I truly hate.  

Well, we'll just have to suffer in candy Hell together.

Gary has posted about (dun dun DUN!) empty believism. Because it's not a person place (did your mind automatically fill in "or thing?" Your elementary teachers live on in your mind!) to tell another they are Saved.

[AmazonGrace]

It's still weird to me how sometimes Christians say all you have to do is believe and then if you do it's not enough.

[smittykins]

Like Jack Chick tracts will say “Believe in Jesus!  That’s all you have to do to be saved!”  Then the last page says “Now, pray and read your(KJV)Bible every day, join an approved church, tell others about Jesus, etc. etc. etc.”

ETA:  the last page of “Adopted”:

 

Edited August 22, 2021 by smittykins

[Antipatriarch]

6 hours ago, thoughtful said:

 

20 hours ago, Xan said:

That's the only candy bar that I truly hate.  

Well, we'll just have to suffer in candy Hell together.

Repent, you reptobates!  

Payday is OK, but I love the Pearson's version (made here where I live). Mmmmmm!

[thoughtful]

Gary preached this morning at the church of New York's best pastor/violinist; Henry Kicinski. That's Calvary Baptist Church in Frankfort NY. Today through Tuesday were supposed to be a tent revival, but I don't know if Henri and Henry put a stop to that.

They sing He Lives, and Ye Must Be Born Again, with the pastor at the piano, then, I Need Thee Every Hour and Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus, with the pastor on the fiddle.

The woman near Becky signs everything to the little girl - they appear to know the Hawkinses. I would think the moment below was sweet, if it weren't for the possibility of the transmission of Covid and poisonous beliefs to that child.

Spoiler

Gary chooses "How many glad you're saved?" for his routine about them not being loud enough today. The Hawkins family sings.

Gary comes to the lectern, and says it's good to be in New York, then: "Ah call New York the state of confusion, but ah b'lieve we got more states than New York in a state of confusion, amen."

He announces 2 Samuel 12, then blathers while they find it - he's a "different breed," his Facebook memories this morning showed three different "menna God that ah really loved," one of whom he "was under" - Carl Lackey. The other two were Jimmy Robbins and  Don Greene.

"And those preachers didn't mahnd gittin' up an' preachin' what thus sayeth the worda God."

He grumbles about getting back to old-time things, and how the "new stuff don't work."

"The new kids - new people - whatathey call 'em - the new kids on the block? Well ah'm gonna tellya, God - God ain't within ten mahls of that mess."

Has Gary heard preachers singing Step by Step?

He says that Brother Daniel Waters wrote  a song "Who's Gonna Fill Those Shoes." Well, no, he wrote new words for a George Jones song that already existed. When I do that, I call it a parody, and I credit the composer and original lyricist. Oh, and both cases, Gary, it's "their shoes," not "those shoes." I guess I should be glad you didn't say "them there shoes."

Gary lists many preachers he admired, who are "gohn." Next comes the reading, and the long, long journey to how it connects to his message.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Samuel+12%3A15-19&version=KJV

"Now we all know the story of David - David sinned, David was in a place he shouldn'ta been an ah'm gonna tell ya somethin' raht now - you better be very careful where yer at. Amen? You better be very careful where yer at, because the devil knows where yer at, and the devil kin deceive very very easily and here it is, David has slept with a woman, then he killed a man, then he committed adultery . . . but God . . . showed up."

Wait, how are there three sins on that list, Gary? Wasn't sleeping with Bathsheba the adultery?

"See, yer not gonna get bah with sin. What does Galatians 6 say down through there 'bout middle ways it says be not deceived, God is not mawked whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he al . . . so . . . reap. Ah got t'thinkin' - heheh ah thought what ah was gonna preach tonaht I was gonna preach this mornin' but God showed different an' then ah got mah message for tonaht as well praise the Lord."

Oh, Gary, what does it matter?

"But ah got t'thinkin', ever'body has plans, amen? Ah mean hey - ah plan on doin' this, ah plan on doin' that, ah plan on doin' this, hey ah got all these _____ (five? fine?) plans, an' doin' all these different kahndsa things, you know what there's people this weekend planned t'do nothing - with God. And that's the reason we're where we at today, amen? So with the help of the Lord, ahwahnna preach ohn What if God Changes Yer Plans T'day?"

Yelling: "What if God Changes Yer Plans T'day ah mean hey! David was doin' pretty good, he thought, 'Ah'm doin' good, ahm gittin' bah with this, ah stole a man's wahf, ahahahahahahah ah got me a nice place an' all these different kindsa things, but you do know what happened with David an' his family, right amen? He lost every one of his family members amen? Too many woman - women - ah'm gonna tellya raht now, you better hang out with just the one you got anen?"

I think you're confusing David with Job, Gary.

Gary babbles about how he's not looking forward to phone calls about people dying, and telling  what he's going to have to do (interesting that folks expecting things of him is his first thought, rather than grieving). He yells about his grandmother's death, Becky's grandmother's death. People die of Corona, people died before the Corona, they'll die after it's gone, it is appointed once to man to die.

Gary doesn't like it when God rearranges his life and changes his plans, but, he yells, "Just lahk it is in in in the fruit world, in the vegetable worl', in order for you to have peaches an' apples an' whatever else that grows ohn a tree, once in a whahl ah just finished up readin' in Leviticus an' readin' there an' it talks about every seven years or six years you plant an' you use this an' then you give it a break ohn the seventh year, once in a whahl, God has to take some limbs off AMEN for us t'prune, for us t'grow, an' that's the same way it is in Christian world. Amen."

Gary seems to think there are a lot of worlds.

He announces Genesis 7, then tells them "that world out there does not love you, that world out there wants to kill you" while they turn pages. He understands they have to "work a job," or "go to Walmarts God ah hate that place" (oooh, Gary, I think we caught you using the Lord's name in vain), but you're supposed to be separate, not "of them." "Ya don't haveta listen to their dirty jokes, amen? Ya don't haveta listen to their filthy, amen!"

Filthy what?

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=genesis+7%3A13-16&version=KJV

"Wonna these days God's gonna shut that door."

Gary's had door shut on him, but Henry's got some kinda guts to let him keep coming back.

Gary starts screaming about doors God has shut that you shouldn't open. "Ya ain't supposed t'go to the bars, amen! Ya ain't supposed to go down t'the dance halls, amen! Ya ain't supposed t'be puttin' money in women's uh - uh uh whatever ya wanna call that, they ain't clothings amen! Some people ain't got enough clothes on t'cover up a gnat, much less anything else, amen."

I wonder if Gary knows about people putting money into strippers' g-strings from his wicked past, a  more recent conversation, or even something that popped up, unbidden on that unruly phone of his.

Our country's in a big messsss. He roars: "But Corona number two's comin' around, they're fixin' t'do a lot more mendate, they're fixin' t'do a lot more shutdowns, an' ah just wonder how many more Christians are gonna be willin' to set down and shut up  . . . an' it's OK amen?"

A few seconds later, he's screaming that God does want you to "set down and shut up," and not try to open the doors He's closed.

He says something that he says frequently, but I don't know how often I've put it in a recap. "You say 'Who you preachin' to?' Anybody that's listenin'."

There are several versions of this, and I take them all as being a way to make sure everybody feels like the spotlight is on them, and Gary (and/or the pastor, God, Jesus, their parents, their spouse) knows about some sin they are (or should be) ashamed of.

He gets on his bit about television killing America, and tells them he showed Brother Henry a video about how bad TV is (I assume it was the one of the pastor smashing the very outdated TV). I love that he has no clue why that is hypocritical. Then he starts in on the evils of smartphones.

When God shuts those doors, leave them alone.

He tells a story, with long pauses (during which I think he is thinking, but not saying, some things, because he can't think through the memory without those bits) that is apropos of nothing. He says he was preaching in "Newark, is that a place?" So I thought it would be about the recent tent meeting in Newark OH. Nope, it was from, he thinks, three years ago.

"There was another preacher that ah had preached for an' ah'm not gon' tellya what who he is or where he's from . . . but they found out that we was in the area and his wahf wanted t'see mah wahf an'  . . . whenever we uh - heh  - when they pulled up mah wahf says 'Ah'm not goin' out there bah mahself, you're goin' with me' . . . but ah walked down there an' ah got t'talkin' a little bit t'the preacher an' the preacher says 'You mean t'tell me yer still going? Yer still on the road, yer still doin' ministry?' Well ah wasn't doin' it fer you, ah was doin' if fer God amen?"

Gary sees how "God's got it all planned out that he wants to use man an' woman an' boy an' girl for His ministry amen, but ahmahnna tellya raht now He don't have to have us."

"See we go in the doors God open, not the doors we open. That makin' senssssssse?"

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=genesis+19%3A16-26&version=KJV

He tells them to go to Genesis 19:16, warns that he's going to be reading "a little bit," so be patient, and starts with:

KJV: And while he lingered, the men laid hold upon his hand, and upon the hand of his wife, and upon the hand of his two daughters;
BGV:  An' while he in ling - in ling, an' while he lingered the men laid hold upon his hand, and upon his - and upon the hand of his wife, and upon the hand of his . . . uh . . . daughters

It's going to be a slow "little bit," folks.

KJV:  Behold now, this city is near to flee unto, and it is a little one: Oh, let me escape thither, (is it not a little one?) and my soul shall live.
BGV:  Let me see . . . behahnd, behold now, this city is near to flee unto, and it is a little one an' oh, let me excape thither, (it is not a little one) and my soul shall live.

KGV: See, I have accepted thee concerning this thing also, that I will not overthrow this city, for the which thou hast spoken.
BGV: See, I have accepted thee concerning these thing alone, that I will not overthrow this city, for which thou hath spoken.

He says "Zorah" for Zoar, both times.

"How 'bout this, when God changes your family, and you lost them all, because of a choice you made?"

Gary. Lot did not lose his entire family either.

Gary reviews how Lot and Abraham parted ways, and screws up the grass is greener over the septic tank joke again. He also says that his grandmothers best and biggest collard greens grew over the septic tank. And Lot was selfish.

When you get married, you have to give up yourself. You belong to your wife or husband, and God.

"Butchu gotta realize one thing - when God changes choices that you made, an' then you lose it all. You better be very keerful choices you make. Amen. You better be very keerful - ah'ma tell you raht now . . . you better be very keerful what woman you pick."

Becky: "Amen."

I wonder how much of this is due to recent conversations with Caleb.

"Proverbs talks about women that's - you'd be better off up in - hangin' out with a chimney than ya would be yer wahf. Amen! Is that OK?"

Gary probably filtered that through someone else's interpretation - some old-time preacher must have turned this:

Quote

It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house - Proverbs 25:24

into an image of a man on a rooftop, clinging to a chimney to escape his wife.

There is a lot of new craziness in this message, and I am only about halfway through. I think I need to do the rest of it in a second post.

I shall close this door, and hope that I can open the next.
 

[postscript]

“Dance halls?” What century does he live in? 

I’m now picturing Gary in the old West, striding down a dusty, tumbleweed-strewn street in his hat (I originally typed this as “hate”) and boots, holding his Bible, while ominous music plays. To one side, tinny piano filters through the swinging doors of a saloon. Ladies in corsets and colorful, knee-length skirts lounge in the upper windows, beckoning to Gary. A fight breaks out, and someone tumbles through the door of the saloon onto the street. Gary raises his Bible and cries “Do not make a mowk of God!” 

[thoughtful]

3 hours ago, postscript said:

I’m now picturing Gary in the old West, striding down a dusty, tumbleweed-strewn street in his hat (I originally typed this as “hate”) and boots, holding his Bible, while ominous music plays. To one side, tinny piano filters through the swinging doors of a saloon. Ladies in corsets and colorful, knee-length skirts lounge in the upper windows, beckoning to Gary. A fight breaks out, and someone tumbles through the door of the saloon onto the street. Gary raises his Bible and cries “Do not make a mowk of God!” 

I suspect he's had that exact fantasy, many times.

 

 

[thoughtful]

When we left Gary, he was ranting about what happens if you choose the wrong woman to marry.

"Listen ahmahnna tell you raht now, you git a woman that ain't behahnd you, ah think about listen ahmahnna tell you raht now, ah think about it one tah - ah think about it many tah - you wanna know wha we've got divorces? An' listen hey - it ain't in the  it ain't in the world's - it is in the world's re'm so what? But what but if you wanna know where th'most divorces are, it's in the religious re'm if ah kin use that word loosely today. Amen!"

Gary, you use all words loosely. Sometimes I think you just unleash them to pour out of your mouth at random.

"They picked  up they picked somebody out listen hey 'this is the one, this is hey - ah wohnt this, ah wohnt this, ah woh - AH'M SELFISH!'" Quietly: "Then think whatcha have t'pay."

Of course, this divorced man says the the children are hurt worst by divorcccccce. "Ya have t'see the sufferin' an' the pains an' th'agonies." Well, at least Becky's kids got a second chance, away from her and you, Gary.

"When ah think about marriage  an' everything, when ah think about it listen here's what ah tell - how many of ya remember the three-litre pop bottles?"

They are silent.

Sounding annoyed: "Ah know they was up here. Mah Lord, help me Jesus."

Yes, Gary is calling on Jesus to help him because the (probably very bewildered) people he is addressing didn't yell back joyously that they remember three-litre soda bottles.

"How many ya remember the two-litres?"

Silence.

"Well, ya know what happens, that two-litre always turns into a three-litre."

Silence.

"That cute boy thatchu looked at an' hey an an' that beautiful girl thatchu got yer ahs ohn, an' she just look so beautiful, remember one thing, listen hey - HA! Ain't gonna be, unless ya have surgery lahk mah wahf did, they always gonna change. That beauty's gon' change. AMEN!"

He gets a few weak amens, but still does his nasty bit about being there all night if he has to preach and do the amenning.

Gee, Gary - it couldn't be because, let's see . . . they are lost as to why the soda bottles were brought up, feel bad for Becky, think an "amen" at this point will be taken as an insult by their spouse, are exhausted from trying to follow your bizarre trains of thought, have noticed that you're the one who has gained back the weight you lost, have let their mind drift because it's clear you are an idiot and not worth listening to - really, the possibilities are endless.

Someone says "Preach on." I think it's Becky.

And he goes right back to the possibility of losing your family, over choices you make, then veers off into talking about how most of the young people in boys' and girls' homes come from a Christian background.

Gary wishes he'd listened to his mama and daddy and hadn't been so mean, because now he's watching what his children are doing. I can't tell if he means he should have been a better child to his parents, or not so mean to his own children. The latter seems unlikely, but who knows.

Long silence.

"Is everybody alraht?" Which is, of course, Gary-code for "Does everybody still think I'm wonderful and Biblical, because you don't seem to be screaming assent at me."

"Ah'm just tellin' you, listen hey, Lot made a choice here, an' Lot thought he was it, Lot thought it was all about him, an' he chose some woman in sodomy, amen, an' he went over there, an' he even give his own chil'ren away, an' lost his own family because of choices he made."

Gary, you are being very un-biblical here.

"You know what kinda choices ah have to make today - whenever we - which is is the sad part - whenever - if you wanna know the biggest argument in a hou - home t'day or a marriage t'day, it's when ya goin' out t'eat. 'Cause nobody kin - 'well, ah don't care where we go,' then ya pick 'at place an' they don't wanna go there amen." Back to his ominous tone: "You better be very careful what you pick today."

I'm guessing about those inner quotes, that Gary is mocking a wife or child (his, somebody else's? Who knows) who does that. And what something as petty as disagreeing about a restaurant (that he never pays for, remember) has to do with the kinds of choices that lose you a family or send you Hell, I have no idea. I think his mind just wandered again.

He reminds "the young people" of an old song: "Hey, ah'm gon' tellya raht now, heheh what is that song used to be, if ya wanna be the happy for the restaya life, make - make - make your wahf t'be ugly, not stssss. Amen. God _________ (mumble I can't understand, but it contains an "ah'm" and a "y'all" - he seems to be either acknowledging that he's off-course or still annoyed at them for not responding).

There is such a song, from 1963, nine years before Gary was born. Why do I have the feeling that his father, grandfather and/or an uncle teased their wives with it?

Spoiler

 

Gary tells them to go to Job, chapter one, then asks if he's makin' sense. A man calls out something with a long "o" sound, and Gary answers, "Job, chapter one, yes."

I really think the man was answering "No" to Gary's question, rather than asking "Job?"

Gary says now they are going to hear about some choices God made, rather than people.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=job+1%3A14-19&version=KJV

Gary asks, "Now whataya gonna do when God takes everything away?"

He does his usual re-telling of Job, including how his wife had "money to go to Walmarts" before they lost everything.

He tells the story of his cousin who "fell over dead" doing the grocery list. Within 5-6 years, her husband also lost all three of his children. "Ah don't understand all those things - thank God, as far as ah know, now he's havin' - ah think he's uh he got remarried some years later, an' everythin' but uh his second wife, far as ah know,  ah even think she dahd or whatever, but listen hey - James Smith, he lohst everything, an' never give up ohn church."

I don't know if James Smith is the cousin's husband, or some other guy.

He revs up to full scream mode, and shrieks about how he'd rather suffer and be persecuted than burn in Hell. "God takes things away from us sometimes, for a good reason."

He screams about how people have to stand up  and "set up" for God, how he's been staying up late for God and is tired. He flips my song cue switch with "ah git weary, ah git tahred." He screams about the three old-time preachers he mentioned earlier (Lackey, Robbins and Greene) and how he doubts they ever did much sleeping.

"We need some people to sell out. We have some people that're sold out, but they're sold out t'the wrong thing."

This is followed by whining about how it takes a long time to get waited on in a restaurant, and how nobody can get anybody to take a job anymore. "Mah Bahble says ya don't work ya don't eat amen? And he goes on shattering irony meters, telling them that, although his Mama and Daddy helped him out a lot, he bought his first car with money he earned. Today, people just "want ya to give me, give me, give me, amen?"

So I guess Gary doesn't want people to "sell out" for Jesus, just to work at the jobs he wouldn't take in a million years.

"Any of ya know anything about Facebook, Facebook has a  - to go - whatayacallit - go fohnd?"

Someone actually realizes what he's driving at, and says, "Go Fund Me."

Gary: "Yeah, Go Fun Me. They wantchu to give them somethin' for them to do nothin' amen?"

Gary yells about how his Go Fund Me was to get out of the bed, work eight hours all the way through Friday, to get a paycheck.

So, when do people age out of this requirement, Gary? You seem to have dropped it by at least age 39, if not earlier.

He says he's tried to give all to God for the last nine years, and goes into a riff about how, if people aren't backbiting and criticizing you, you're not doing anything.

He announces Matthew chapter 11, and says "If ya don't listen to what ah say, listen to what God's got to say this weekend, it maht help us amen. That includes me much as anybody else."

Gary, if you were trying to sound humble, rather than self-righteous, petulant and angry, it's way too late.

To be continued . . .

 

[Xan]

22 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

When we left Gary, he was ranting about what happens if you choose the wrong woman to marry.

"Listen ahmahnna tell you raht now, you git a woman that ain't behahnd you, ah think about listen ahmahnna tell you raht now, ah think about it one tah - ah think about it many tah - you wanna know wha we've got divorces? An' listen hey - it ain't in the  it ain't in the world's - it is in the world's re'm so what? But what but if you wanna know where th'most divorces are, it's in the religious re'm if ah kin use that word loosely today. Amen!"

Gary, you use all words loosely. Sometimes I think you just unleash them to pour out of your mouth at random.

"They picked  up they picked somebody out listen hey 'this is the one, this is hey - ah wohnt this, ah wohnt this, ah woh - AH'M SELFISH!'" Quietly: "Then think whatcha have t'pay."

Of course, this divorced man says the the children are hurt worst by divorcccccce. "Ya have t'see the sufferin' an' the pains an' th'agonies." Well, at least Becky's kids got a second chance, away from her and you, Gary.

"When ah think about marriage  an' everything, when ah think about it listen here's what ah tell - how many of ya remember the three-litre pop bottles?"

They are silent.

Sounding annoyed: "Ah know they was up here. Mah Lord, help me Jesus."

Yes, Gary is calling on Jesus to help him because the (probably very bewildered) people he is addressing didn't yell back joyously that they remember three-litre soda bottles.

"How many ya remember the two-litres?"

Silence.

"Well, ya know what happens, that two-litre always turns into a three-litre."

Silence.

"That cute boy thatchu looked at an' hey an an' that beautiful girl thatchu got yer ahs ohn, an' she just look so beautiful, remember one thing, listen hey - HA! Ain't gonna be, unless ya have surgery lahk mah wahf did, they always gonna change. That beauty's gon' change. AMEN!"

He gets a few weak amens, but still does his nasty bit about being there all night if he has to preach and do the amenning.

Gee, Gary - it couldn't be because, let's see . . . they are lost as to why the soda bottles were brought up, feel bad for Becky, think an "amen" at this point will be taken as an insult by their spouse, are exhausted from trying to follow your bizarre trains of thought, have noticed that you're the one who has gained back the weight you lost, have let their mind drift because it's clear you are an idiot and not worth listening to - really, the possibilities are endless.

Wow.  Gary's connections are usually pretty loose but he's worse than usual on this one.  I'd say he's peeved with Becky or with somebody's wife but he's always testy.  Did Becky not want to eat Chinese food last night?  And what in the world is the 2 litre and 3 litre soda bottle stuff about?   Was he warning men that wives can gain weight?  I'm confused.

[thoughtful]

2 minutes ago, Xan said:

And what in the world is the 2 litre and 3 litre soda bottle stuff about?   Was he warning men that wives can gain weight?

Yes. To be fair, he was warning women that husbands can gain weight, too.

More of the Sunday morning recap. Even I can't believe how much of it I felt compelled to quote. But it was that chock-full of the bizarre, funny and offensive.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+11%3A3&version=KJV

What about when you don't hear from Him?

After screaming about how he knows God is with America, Gary admits he's not a patient man, and tells a story about a broken transmission, a bad repair, a refund, a new transmission, and he interrupts the story to say "we'll talk about that in a minute, but ahwahnna say somethin' to ya, hey you wait on God, don't let God wait on you - does that make sense?"  I guess he realized, through his fog, that he should have set the story up to explain why he's telling it - rare for Gary.

Back to the story - he was ready to put in the new transmission, had to get back on the road in a week, but "everythin' stops - God's just shut up - ah ain't hear nothin'. Mah brother never gets sick. He got sick an' he couldn't help me. We was unpatient enough that ah had me, mah wahf, an' whatever kids ah had - was all tryin' t'get the transmission in an' couldn't do it. When God's not talkin' that means He needs you t'be sahlent too. Amen? Just wait ohn th'Lord. Hey, when you don't know what t'do, wait on th'Lord."

And he's off, yelling about John the Baptist for a while.

"Me - whenever we was at home for a few days, ah met ah met Caleb's girlfriend, we went ohn a - they said it was a double date, ah don't know. An he took a pic - somebody took a pitcher of us. Well, if any ofya have ever  looked at mah pitchers, ah don't really do much smahlin'  that's just ______ (drowned out by thud somewhere in the room - I hope nobody fainted from boredom). You know what, ah'm not smahlin' all the tahm when God's not there, when ah'm waitin' on God t'answer our prayer."

Anyway, he insists that God will answer - we just have to be patient.

I think Gary next tries to talk about how long it had been since anyone got saved under their ministry, until recently. Here's what comes out, after a series of Gary's usual meaningless sentence-starters: "Up until about 3 or 4 weeks ago, we have not had hardly anybody saved . . . amen? Nobody been saved, ah think about it whenever ah don't know if Brother Henry remembers this or not, but uh it was after the meeting, and that's when uh, was it . . . was it William? The black gah."

Brother Henry assures him that the black guy was William.

Henry had been considering not having church, and William called and said he had a visitor coming to that night's service. And that's the end of that story.

Gary goes on to talk about all of the people who got saved in his recent revivals, and reminds them that he's not boasting, he just waited for God to answer. He's glad it's about God, not Gary.

[Dana723]

6 hours ago, thoughtful said:

I suspect he's had that exact fantasy, many times.

 

 

Ending with him in the electric chair

[Xan]

19 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

After screaming about how he knows God is with America, Gary admits he's not a patient man, and tells a story about a broken transmission, a bad repair, a refund, a new transmission, and he interrupts the story to say "we'll talk about that in a minute, but ahwahnna say somethin' to ya, hey you wait on God, don't let God wait on you - does that make sense?"  I guess he realized, through his fog, that he should have set the story up to explain why he's telling it - rare for Gary.

Back to the story - he was ready to put in the new transmission, had to get back on the road in a week, but "everythin' stops - God's just shut up - ah ain't hear nothin'. Mah brother never gets sick. He got sick an' he couldn't help me. We was unpatient enough that ah had me, mah wahf, an' whatever kids ah had - was all tryin' t'get the transmission in an' couldn't do it. When God's not talkin' that means He needs you t'be sahlent too. Amen? Just wait ohn th'Lord. Hey, when you don't know what t'do, wait on th'Lord."

But what happened with the transmission?  Did the brother get well and fix the car?  

Did William get saved?   

Frankly, I think Gary's not used to preaching this much and he thinks everybody can follow what he's saying because he's said a lot of this stuff so much.  Unfortunately, the congregations change and I'm sure a lot of those people can't follow what I'm going to generously describe as Gary's train of thought.  (Well, it's not so much a train of thought as a random collection of brain farts.)